GLEE: The Grass is Always Greener
Title: The Grass is Always Greener
Chapter: 1/?
Rating: overall NC-17, this chapter PG-13
Characters: Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, Quinn Fabray, ensemble
Pairing: Quinn/Puck
Warnings: Body swap, teen pregnancy
Spoilers: Blanket Season 2
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money. No affiliation.
A/N: from the glee_angst_meme, prompt here
Summary: Somehow, Quinn and Puck somehow end up in each others bodies. It's not as fun as it sounds either. The really horrifying thing? Puck ends up pregnant and seeing how the other half lives. This is not how he wanted to spend his senior year.
Secondary Note: Really, really, really confusing pronouns ahead.
He has no idea how it happened. Somehow though, after school ended for the year and before the start of Senior year, Rachel and Quinn became friends. What's even scarier is that Santana is not being a bitch about it. Because she's like, right there with them or something. Somehow the Unholy Trinity that was Brittany, Santana and Quinn turned into Rachel, Santana and Quinn and it's like, really scary. It's some complicated story that Puck isn't all that sure about the finer details of. He knows bits of it; like when Santana crawled through his window one night just after summer started, tears drying on her cheeks and just curled up with him in bed. He found out three days later that Artie and Brittany had gotten back together. He felt really bad for Santana but he still couldn't help but be happy for Artie. It's clear that Artie adores Britt, and he's good for her. But Puck knows how much Santana loves her too. He's sort of sorry that Britt needs to deal with that.
It seems to be a good thing though. All around. Because Quinn isn't as much of a bitch with Rachel to balance out Santana's cunt nature and Santana isn't a psycho with people when Rachel and Quinn mellow her out and Rachel, well, shit, Berry's started sticking up for herself and damn if it isn't about time. Puck always knew that Rachel was just on the cusp of crazy town; she's freaky intense about stuff and that just rubs people the wrong way. But the girls are totally balancing that all out with her. Puck's pretty sure they'll rule McKinley next year and shit if that'll cut down on the metric fuck tonne of drama.
But even if they are pretty epic together, and fuck that just makes him think all sorts of nasty things, Quinn and him still manage to scream at each other in the middle of some weird festival in the park. It's not like he doesn't notice this shit, but for some reason, Quinn still thinks it's okay to use him to make people talk or jealous or whatever. And it's not cool because, well, it's just not (Rachel gave him this whole long talk after he and Lauren broke up because she was worried he'd go back to his old ways and just bang anything that looked good, so he's sort of working on that because Rachel's sort of saw something in him that no one else has and fuck if he's not pussy for wanting to prove her right). And it's not just because he likes Sam, and it's not because he thinks that maybe Sam deserves a shot with Mercedes without Quinn trying to screw him over the way she did with Finn and Rachel, it's more because she thinks he should be completely fine with her just using him like that. But fucking Christ, he's over that shit. So he has a few choice words for her, and she has a few for him. But not a single person dares to get in between them.
She calls him a useless slut. He calls her an uptight, twisted bitch.
Somewhere, a bell chimes.
---
When Puck wakes up in a soft, lavender smelling bed, he wonders if he got drunk last night and blacked out on what he did. He doesn't remember getting drunk (he usually remembers the first half hour of drinking, unless he's really going for it and then it's maybe only the first three drinks). But he wasn't drinking last night, because he went to Finn's for some stress relief in the form of blowing up shit on the XBox and then he crawled his ass home at three in the morning when Carole finally got sick of the noise and kicked him out.
So he crashed, fully clothed, on top of his own bed. He's sure of it. But this isn't his bed and something feels weird.
He's pretty sure that if his heart hadn't stopped when he opened his eyes, he would've screamed -and not yelled, or hollered, no it would've been a fucking scream. Puck recognises Quinn's bedroom, because even though she's in a new house with her Mom she decorated her bedroom the exact same as she'd had it in the big stupid house before. So he's well aware that his heart is hammering in his chest because he's in Quinn's bed, in her room, and it doesn't look like she's there.
But then he sits up, and finds out just what the weird feeling is.
He has breasts. And slim legs and- Holy shit, he's a girl. He's not sure if it's possible to hyperventilate and puke at the same time but Christ he might actually do it. It's impossible to stand; his legs just give out under him while he panics. This can't be happening, it's some warped twisted dream, it's just a crazy nightmare (he's had a few, none as elaborate as this, but when he gets high he gets some really bad trips if he crashes out before it wears off). But he pinches his leg and he's not waking up and it actually hurts because he has stupid nails and softer skin or whatever.
"Quinn, honey," he freaks for a minute, trying to find where Quinn would've gone before he turns and catches sight of himself in the mirror. Only, it's not him, is it. It's her. He's Quinn. "There's someone at the door for you." Christ, he can't talk to someone now, he can't possibly, they'll think he's insane. But then, if he ignores Quinn's Mom she might get pissed and Puck cannot deal with that.
He doesn't really think twice about crawling over to the door and pulling himself up, slipping out Quinn's room in her sleepwear and heading down the stairs. It's a fucking trip when he sees himself standing awkwardly in the doorway. He is not drunk; he needs to be drunk to deal with this. But he just walks in the door, closing it and looking towards what Puck assumes is the kitchen and hissing into Puck's ear, "Tell her we're going upstairs," and this annoyingly strong arm is gripping to his elbow and Puck just frowns. He has to assume (hope) that it's Quinn walking around looking like him, and really, he doesn't understand what the hell is going on. "Tell her we're working on a song for going back to glee." Puck just nods with a jerk.
"Ma- Mom," he needs to remember that it's Quinn's voice and his words and hell, he needs to pay attention and not call Ms Fabray 'Ma' cause that will not go down well. "We're um, we're just going upstairs, glee project." He tries to smile; he thinks he pulls it off, because Ms Fabray just gives a small nod.
"Door open, Quinny." And really, it's not like Puck blames the woman, because she knows that Puck is the one that got Quinn pregnant, and really, his Ma is pretty hard on the whole 'no girls in the bedroom' these days too.
"Sure thing." Quinn -in his body, and that's really freaking him out- heads up the stairs first and Puck follows her, cursing Quinn's stupid shorter legs. He doesn't close the door all the way, but he does close it at least half, because Ms Fabray doesn't need to hear the conversation that is about to unfold. "What the hell is going on?" Quinn's voice takes on this panicky pitch and Puck thinks he might be close to a full blown melt down.
"I don't know. I woke up in your room, in your body, with your sister jumping on your bed." Yeah, Sarah did that from time to time when she thought he was hungover, just to be a bitch and see what she could get out of him if she promised to stop and not tell Ma. Thank Christ he wasn't hungover that morning. "What did you do?"
"What? I just woke up." He honestly hasn't done anything to merit that accusatory tone, and that sounds weird coming from his mouth because he's not the accusing sort -not in a serious manner anyway, and Christ this is all sorts of fucked up. "I didn't do anything."
"You must've. Things like this don't just happen." He'd like to point out that things like this shouldn't happen at all. "We need to get it back the other way, school starts in three days." Holy hell, he's hyperventilating again.
"Why is your body so prone to panicking?" He needs to sit down; he needs to stop freaking out. But he's a chick, with chick parts, and it's not as fun as people might assume because it's weird and he'd like his dick back right now thanks. He sits down on the edge of her bed, getting his breathing under control and Quinn sits on the floor, legs stretched out and it's weird to see himself there, but not be him.
"I locked myself in your bathroom for forty minutes and waited for the freak out that never came. It was a little worrying, but this sort of explains that." He is not comforted by the fact that he has to have a break down while she gets to just wait for it. He doesn't think that's fair since he's not the freak out type. "So, what did you do last night? After the festival?"
"I went to Finn's. We played Call of Duty, I went home. Seriously, I didn't do jack." The words sound weird coming from him with her voice and he's totally not going to get used to that. "What about you? You could've done something stupid."
"Rach, San and I went to the little vegan place she likes and got ice cream."
"How does that even work? Non-dairy dairy. It's stupid."
"Don't say that to Rachel."
"I wasn't gonna. I'm not even gonna talk to her." Except he might have to, because Quinn and Rachel are friends, shit. "Okay, I'm putting on clothes and we're going to fix this. I am not being you for longer than I need to."
"Wait, you want to go out like this?" Quinn sort of gestures between them and Puck rolls his eyes.
"No, I want to go hide in a fucking cave until I'm me again, but I don't think that'll work. So we're going out." He's this close to stamping his foot and fucking Christ that'd be embarrassing. "So, shut up and let me get dressed." Only he can't deal with her clothes and he ends up making her pick something for him to wear so that she doesn't hate him for choosing something she hates or that clashes. He should totally get points for closing his eyes when he's putting her clothes on.
Thank Christ she picked a pair of pants for a change.
"So, we should start at the festival, and work back, right?" Puck just nods, pulling her hair out of his face and tying it behind his head in a really crap half ponytail, half bun. His Ma wears it like that sometimes when she's doing laundry and it keeps it from his face so she can just not bitch at him. "Do you want to drive the truck? I'm not really all that sure of it."
Puck isn't all that sure of it with her shorter legs, and he needs to shift the seat a bit to reach the gas comfortably, but it's so much better than listening to her bitch about it.
---
Part Two
Chapter: 1/?
Rating: overall NC-17, this chapter PG-13
Characters: Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, Quinn Fabray, ensemble
Pairing: Quinn/Puck
Warnings: Body swap, teen pregnancy
Spoilers: Blanket Season 2
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money. No affiliation.
A/N: from the glee_angst_meme, prompt here
Summary: Somehow, Quinn and Puck somehow end up in each others bodies. It's not as fun as it sounds either. The really horrifying thing? Puck ends up pregnant and seeing how the other half lives. This is not how he wanted to spend his senior year.
Secondary Note: Really, really, really confusing pronouns ahead.
He has no idea how it happened. Somehow though, after school ended for the year and before the start of Senior year, Rachel and Quinn became friends. What's even scarier is that Santana is not being a bitch about it. Because she's like, right there with them or something. Somehow the Unholy Trinity that was Brittany, Santana and Quinn turned into Rachel, Santana and Quinn and it's like, really scary. It's some complicated story that Puck isn't all that sure about the finer details of. He knows bits of it; like when Santana crawled through his window one night just after summer started, tears drying on her cheeks and just curled up with him in bed. He found out three days later that Artie and Brittany had gotten back together. He felt really bad for Santana but he still couldn't help but be happy for Artie. It's clear that Artie adores Britt, and he's good for her. But Puck knows how much Santana loves her too. He's sort of sorry that Britt needs to deal with that.
It seems to be a good thing though. All around. Because Quinn isn't as much of a bitch with Rachel to balance out Santana's cunt nature and Santana isn't a psycho with people when Rachel and Quinn mellow her out and Rachel, well, shit, Berry's started sticking up for herself and damn if it isn't about time. Puck always knew that Rachel was just on the cusp of crazy town; she's freaky intense about stuff and that just rubs people the wrong way. But the girls are totally balancing that all out with her. Puck's pretty sure they'll rule McKinley next year and shit if that'll cut down on the metric fuck tonne of drama.
But even if they are pretty epic together, and fuck that just makes him think all sorts of nasty things, Quinn and him still manage to scream at each other in the middle of some weird festival in the park. It's not like he doesn't notice this shit, but for some reason, Quinn still thinks it's okay to use him to make people talk or jealous or whatever. And it's not cool because, well, it's just not (Rachel gave him this whole long talk after he and Lauren broke up because she was worried he'd go back to his old ways and just bang anything that looked good, so he's sort of working on that because Rachel's sort of saw something in him that no one else has and fuck if he's not pussy for wanting to prove her right). And it's not just because he likes Sam, and it's not because he thinks that maybe Sam deserves a shot with Mercedes without Quinn trying to screw him over the way she did with Finn and Rachel, it's more because she thinks he should be completely fine with her just using him like that. But fucking Christ, he's over that shit. So he has a few choice words for her, and she has a few for him. But not a single person dares to get in between them.
She calls him a useless slut. He calls her an uptight, twisted bitch.
Somewhere, a bell chimes.
---
When Puck wakes up in a soft, lavender smelling bed, he wonders if he got drunk last night and blacked out on what he did. He doesn't remember getting drunk (he usually remembers the first half hour of drinking, unless he's really going for it and then it's maybe only the first three drinks). But he wasn't drinking last night, because he went to Finn's for some stress relief in the form of blowing up shit on the XBox and then he crawled his ass home at three in the morning when Carole finally got sick of the noise and kicked him out.
So he crashed, fully clothed, on top of his own bed. He's sure of it. But this isn't his bed and something feels weird.
He's pretty sure that if his heart hadn't stopped when he opened his eyes, he would've screamed -and not yelled, or hollered, no it would've been a fucking scream. Puck recognises Quinn's bedroom, because even though she's in a new house with her Mom she decorated her bedroom the exact same as she'd had it in the big stupid house before. So he's well aware that his heart is hammering in his chest because he's in Quinn's bed, in her room, and it doesn't look like she's there.
But then he sits up, and finds out just what the weird feeling is.
He has breasts. And slim legs and- Holy shit, he's a girl. He's not sure if it's possible to hyperventilate and puke at the same time but Christ he might actually do it. It's impossible to stand; his legs just give out under him while he panics. This can't be happening, it's some warped twisted dream, it's just a crazy nightmare (he's had a few, none as elaborate as this, but when he gets high he gets some really bad trips if he crashes out before it wears off). But he pinches his leg and he's not waking up and it actually hurts because he has stupid nails and softer skin or whatever.
"Quinn, honey," he freaks for a minute, trying to find where Quinn would've gone before he turns and catches sight of himself in the mirror. Only, it's not him, is it. It's her. He's Quinn. "There's someone at the door for you." Christ, he can't talk to someone now, he can't possibly, they'll think he's insane. But then, if he ignores Quinn's Mom she might get pissed and Puck cannot deal with that.
He doesn't really think twice about crawling over to the door and pulling himself up, slipping out Quinn's room in her sleepwear and heading down the stairs. It's a fucking trip when he sees himself standing awkwardly in the doorway. He is not drunk; he needs to be drunk to deal with this. But he just walks in the door, closing it and looking towards what Puck assumes is the kitchen and hissing into Puck's ear, "Tell her we're going upstairs," and this annoyingly strong arm is gripping to his elbow and Puck just frowns. He has to assume (hope) that it's Quinn walking around looking like him, and really, he doesn't understand what the hell is going on. "Tell her we're working on a song for going back to glee." Puck just nods with a jerk.
"Ma- Mom," he needs to remember that it's Quinn's voice and his words and hell, he needs to pay attention and not call Ms Fabray 'Ma' cause that will not go down well. "We're um, we're just going upstairs, glee project." He tries to smile; he thinks he pulls it off, because Ms Fabray just gives a small nod.
"Door open, Quinny." And really, it's not like Puck blames the woman, because she knows that Puck is the one that got Quinn pregnant, and really, his Ma is pretty hard on the whole 'no girls in the bedroom' these days too.
"Sure thing." Quinn -in his body, and that's really freaking him out- heads up the stairs first and Puck follows her, cursing Quinn's stupid shorter legs. He doesn't close the door all the way, but he does close it at least half, because Ms Fabray doesn't need to hear the conversation that is about to unfold. "What the hell is going on?" Quinn's voice takes on this panicky pitch and Puck thinks he might be close to a full blown melt down.
"I don't know. I woke up in your room, in your body, with your sister jumping on your bed." Yeah, Sarah did that from time to time when she thought he was hungover, just to be a bitch and see what she could get out of him if she promised to stop and not tell Ma. Thank Christ he wasn't hungover that morning. "What did you do?"
"What? I just woke up." He honestly hasn't done anything to merit that accusatory tone, and that sounds weird coming from his mouth because he's not the accusing sort -not in a serious manner anyway, and Christ this is all sorts of fucked up. "I didn't do anything."
"You must've. Things like this don't just happen." He'd like to point out that things like this shouldn't happen at all. "We need to get it back the other way, school starts in three days." Holy hell, he's hyperventilating again.
"Why is your body so prone to panicking?" He needs to sit down; he needs to stop freaking out. But he's a chick, with chick parts, and it's not as fun as people might assume because it's weird and he'd like his dick back right now thanks. He sits down on the edge of her bed, getting his breathing under control and Quinn sits on the floor, legs stretched out and it's weird to see himself there, but not be him.
"I locked myself in your bathroom for forty minutes and waited for the freak out that never came. It was a little worrying, but this sort of explains that." He is not comforted by the fact that he has to have a break down while she gets to just wait for it. He doesn't think that's fair since he's not the freak out type. "So, what did you do last night? After the festival?"
"I went to Finn's. We played Call of Duty, I went home. Seriously, I didn't do jack." The words sound weird coming from him with her voice and he's totally not going to get used to that. "What about you? You could've done something stupid."
"Rach, San and I went to the little vegan place she likes and got ice cream."
"How does that even work? Non-dairy dairy. It's stupid."
"Don't say that to Rachel."
"I wasn't gonna. I'm not even gonna talk to her." Except he might have to, because Quinn and Rachel are friends, shit. "Okay, I'm putting on clothes and we're going to fix this. I am not being you for longer than I need to."
"Wait, you want to go out like this?" Quinn sort of gestures between them and Puck rolls his eyes.
"No, I want to go hide in a fucking cave until I'm me again, but I don't think that'll work. So we're going out." He's this close to stamping his foot and fucking Christ that'd be embarrassing. "So, shut up and let me get dressed." Only he can't deal with her clothes and he ends up making her pick something for him to wear so that she doesn't hate him for choosing something she hates or that clashes. He should totally get points for closing his eyes when he's putting her clothes on.
Thank Christ she picked a pair of pants for a change.
"So, we should start at the festival, and work back, right?" Puck just nods, pulling her hair out of his face and tying it behind his head in a really crap half ponytail, half bun. His Ma wears it like that sometimes when she's doing laundry and it keeps it from his face so she can just not bitch at him. "Do you want to drive the truck? I'm not really all that sure of it."
Puck isn't all that sure of it with her shorter legs, and he needs to shift the seat a bit to reach the gas comfortably, but it's so much better than listening to her bitch about it.
---
Part Two