Unexpected Surprises. Prologue.

[jongkeyfanboy]

I lie there, with my arm wrapped around him, his head on my chest, our legs coiled together and his hand resting gently above my own. "I love you." I let slip through my lips, trying to steady my breathing and control my persistently elevating heartbeat. I had myself trapped in the most uncomfortable position, but I didn't care_ I was content. I'd

Comments

hey

[inuyasha08021]

This is a really good prologue. It really catured my attention the first sentence i read and the way you describe that moment and describing how he looks and feel, made me feel like i was there. So I have nothing more to say but this is really good. Cant wait to hear more.

[kimmiekat32413]

You really captured me with the first sentence, and that's the most important part. Good job here. You write very...professionally, but at the same time, it sounds like your trying a bit hard at parts. Writing is art, art is nothing more than emotion pouring from your soul. Let the words flow naturally from you.
I LOVE YOU for showing and not telling. Rather than telling us that he had pastel colored lips, you showed them to us as the main character looked at them. That takes a lot of talent, and is actually something I still struggle with.

I hope none of this offended you...constructive criticism at it's finest.

[jongkeyfanboy]

OHMYGOSH, SERIOUSLY!? I am sososososososso honored! You have absolutely no idea! I didn't think anyone would remember me! >.< Yes, this means that I'm back! This comment made me so happy. Thank you.

[jongkeyfanboy]

YAAAAAY. ^_^ Now I know I have at least one avid reader! >.< Thank you so much for sticking with me! I'm still so flattered you remember me! XD I hope you show this fic as much love as the last!