Voyeurism At It's Worst Part 5/?
Title: Voyeurism At It's Worst 5/?
Author: heatherhouse
Rating: PG-13 for now
Characters/Pairings: Joker/Batman, OC
Warnings: Unbate'd, crackfic
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Desarai, all else belongs to DC and Christopher Nolan.
Verse: Movieverse
A/N: So I'm finally back, the story bit me in the ass again and said 'let's go!'. So here I am. X3 Hope you guys are ready for more insanity, because I have more to spare. Enjoy!
Summary: I didn't want to see Batman and the Joker kiss, it just happened!
Here’s another bit of advice from your helpful Batman/Joker expert. Never try to jump Batman when both you and your partner in crime are so snockered you can barely stand.
In our own defense we started approaching him at the same time, but that’s about where our coordination ended. Also, Bruce Wayne must have eyeballs in the back of his head because I know for a fact he was watching me when he slammed his elbow back which sent the Joker to the ground, clutching his chest.
Want to know how fast I was on the other side of the room? Yeah, lets see Keystone City’s wonder boy beat that shit! I was not getting in the middle of this.
The Joker, on the other hand, was whooping up enough laughter to make me shiver while he was curled up in a ball on the floor.
“Wha...” he interrupted himself by laughing again. “What, no hello kiss?”
Wayne glared at him. An expression that didn’t look right on a face I constantly saw plastered on the gossip columns with a thousand watt smile permanently affixed to it.
“I told you to stay away from her.”
“Nooooo,” the Joker drawled as he sat up. “You said not to hurt her.” The grin he gave Wayne was not the one I’d been getting used to all day, but the one I remembered from last night. Tight and just on the point of breaking the sanity sound barrier. “Should of been more spe-ci-fic, Batsy.”
Wayne’s face got tighter with every word, enough that I was seeking my best option for shelter.
But the Joker just calmly smacked his lips. “But if I knew you were in the mood...”
The Joker didn’t even finish before Wayne let out a strepp inducing growl and dragged his mad ass off the ground by the tacky yellow bat symbol on his chest. I watched the Joker dangled there with a grin stretching his face.
And I figured this was about the time I should call a time out, or call the police before my apartment turned into ground zero. But I had a sneaking suspicion the cops weren’t going to believe I was calling in a case of domestic violence involving a vigilante and an Arkahm escapee. So I grabbed the first thing in reach and hurled it at them.
“Hey! Time out!”
I was about as surprised as Wayne was when I managed to bean him with a throw pillow.
“I’m still in one piece, okay? Almost too drunk to stand, but he didn’t turn me into swiss cheese.” I clutched my head because my own shouting was making my ears ring. “So can we please...try to lower our voices and have a non-violent conversation.”
They looked at me as if I were crazy. Who the hell where they to talk, well adjusted arch nemesis couple that they were?
I grit my teeth. “I know it’s probably difficult for you two. But can you at least attempt...”
And I would have said more. That is if gravity weren’t such a vindictive bitch as I tried to step off the couch and ended up misjudging the distance. My foot dug at open air desperately as my body moved forward and crashed into the coffee table.
All I heard before I blacked out was a sympathetic. “Ouch!”
-----
Waking up, was a wholly new experience. Specifically because it felt like someone was using me as a body pillow.
When I opened my eyes a pair of glinting green ones were staring back at me. To my credit I only jumped when he spoke.
“Hiiiii.”
“What are you doing on top of me?” I replied shortly as I realized I was in my own bed, a brief glance down, an even quicker look up and I was very thankful of the blanket separating our bodies. “And why aren’t you wearing any clothes?!”
I was far from fearing the idea of rape. The man was gayer then a maypole and I highly doubted after my little incident that Mr. Wayne had left the two of us alone.
“I, uh...lost them.” The Joker said, he was obviously making up the answer as he spoke.
I glared up at his grinning face. “And how exactly did you lose them?”
He had the audacity to use my chest as a pillow for his chin. And despite letting out a small grunt of pain when I kicked him for it, he didn’t budge. “Maybe lost is the wrong word. More like riiiipped.”
Of course that word wreaked havoc on my mind, and shutting my eyes only painted the very vivid images a brighter color. “Please tell me you didn’t use the couch.” I whimpered piteously.
The Joker looked pretty deep in his own memories with a sly smile. “We didn’t get that far...”
“Off!” I shrieked before he could get any farther. “Off now!”
The Joker just chuckled and kept his seat. “Clothes?” He asked curiously.
Oh, so that was what the vile fiend wanted. Damn him!
“The closet on the left.” I grumbled and pulled the covers over my head as he bounded off in that direction with a chuckle. It took some debate between my body and brain to decide that it had ‘not’ been more comfortable with the Joker pressing me into the bed. If I kept mentally chanting ‘gay homicidal maniac’ maybe my brain would win.
While a madman dug for clothes I took the blankets and fled the room. I considered it a relief I was still in the clothes I’d passed out in.
I needed coffee like a junkie needed a really understanding dealer. But obstacles did tend to get in my way these last few days, and the rather Adonis looking spread of nude man on my floor with various piles of useless clothing and pillows around his snoozing form did count as an obstacle.
One I practically ran past to get towards the kitchen without staring at his pleasantly displayed rump.
I made enough noise in the kitchen to wake half the building while still managing to keep my duvet cape wrapped around my shoulders. And it wasn’t until I’d drained a full mug of coffee and refilled it that I dared venturing back into the living room. Wayne hadn’t moved, it didn’t even look like he’d budged during all the ruckus I’d made.
I quirked a brow and very discreetly dropped my blanket over his possibly freezing backside. Still nothing.
“Mr. Wayne?”
I frowned when he didn’t acknowledge me. There’s a point to playing possum that’s just ridiculous and this was toeing that fine line.
“Bruce?”
I crouched down next to him with a fresh cup of coffee and smiled. “Look if you don’t get off my floor and get dressed I’m going to pour hot coffee on your gorgeous bare ass.” I said sweetly and started to pull the blanket off to initiate my threat.
And a death grip was just as quickly seized on the covers by the Wayne’s hand, brown eyes glaring up at me from the floor. I just smiled, set the coffee down for him and backed away slowly.
I honestly do believe the Joker is scarier then Batman. But Bruce Wayne is a lot scarier then both when he wants to be.
But then when it came to the Joker...he wasn’t anywhere in sight. ‘Uh oh’ didn’t exactly cover my thought process at that moment as I left Wayne alone to cool while I went to find his maniacal counterpart.
Author: heatherhouse
Rating: PG-13 for now
Characters/Pairings: Joker/Batman, OC
Warnings: Unbate'd, crackfic
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Desarai, all else belongs to DC and Christopher Nolan.
Verse: Movieverse
A/N: So I'm finally back, the story bit me in the ass again and said 'let's go!'. So here I am. X3 Hope you guys are ready for more insanity, because I have more to spare. Enjoy!
Summary: I didn't want to see Batman and the Joker kiss, it just happened!
Here’s another bit of advice from your helpful Batman/Joker expert. Never try to jump Batman when both you and your partner in crime are so snockered you can barely stand.
In our own defense we started approaching him at the same time, but that’s about where our coordination ended. Also, Bruce Wayne must have eyeballs in the back of his head because I know for a fact he was watching me when he slammed his elbow back which sent the Joker to the ground, clutching his chest.
Want to know how fast I was on the other side of the room? Yeah, lets see Keystone City’s wonder boy beat that shit! I was not getting in the middle of this.
The Joker, on the other hand, was whooping up enough laughter to make me shiver while he was curled up in a ball on the floor.
“Wha...” he interrupted himself by laughing again. “What, no hello kiss?”
Wayne glared at him. An expression that didn’t look right on a face I constantly saw plastered on the gossip columns with a thousand watt smile permanently affixed to it.
“I told you to stay away from her.”
“Nooooo,” the Joker drawled as he sat up. “You said not to hurt her.” The grin he gave Wayne was not the one I’d been getting used to all day, but the one I remembered from last night. Tight and just on the point of breaking the sanity sound barrier. “Should of been more spe-ci-fic, Batsy.”
Wayne’s face got tighter with every word, enough that I was seeking my best option for shelter.
But the Joker just calmly smacked his lips. “But if I knew you were in the mood...”
The Joker didn’t even finish before Wayne let out a strepp inducing growl and dragged his mad ass off the ground by the tacky yellow bat symbol on his chest. I watched the Joker dangled there with a grin stretching his face.
And I figured this was about the time I should call a time out, or call the police before my apartment turned into ground zero. But I had a sneaking suspicion the cops weren’t going to believe I was calling in a case of domestic violence involving a vigilante and an Arkahm escapee. So I grabbed the first thing in reach and hurled it at them.
“Hey! Time out!”
I was about as surprised as Wayne was when I managed to bean him with a throw pillow.
“I’m still in one piece, okay? Almost too drunk to stand, but he didn’t turn me into swiss cheese.” I clutched my head because my own shouting was making my ears ring. “So can we please...try to lower our voices and have a non-violent conversation.”
They looked at me as if I were crazy. Who the hell where they to talk, well adjusted arch nemesis couple that they were?
I grit my teeth. “I know it’s probably difficult for you two. But can you at least attempt...”
And I would have said more. That is if gravity weren’t such a vindictive bitch as I tried to step off the couch and ended up misjudging the distance. My foot dug at open air desperately as my body moved forward and crashed into the coffee table.
All I heard before I blacked out was a sympathetic. “Ouch!”
-----
Waking up, was a wholly new experience. Specifically because it felt like someone was using me as a body pillow.
When I opened my eyes a pair of glinting green ones were staring back at me. To my credit I only jumped when he spoke.
“Hiiiii.”
“What are you doing on top of me?” I replied shortly as I realized I was in my own bed, a brief glance down, an even quicker look up and I was very thankful of the blanket separating our bodies. “And why aren’t you wearing any clothes?!”
I was far from fearing the idea of rape. The man was gayer then a maypole and I highly doubted after my little incident that Mr. Wayne had left the two of us alone.
“I, uh...lost them.” The Joker said, he was obviously making up the answer as he spoke.
I glared up at his grinning face. “And how exactly did you lose them?”
He had the audacity to use my chest as a pillow for his chin. And despite letting out a small grunt of pain when I kicked him for it, he didn’t budge. “Maybe lost is the wrong word. More like riiiipped.”
Of course that word wreaked havoc on my mind, and shutting my eyes only painted the very vivid images a brighter color. “Please tell me you didn’t use the couch.” I whimpered piteously.
The Joker looked pretty deep in his own memories with a sly smile. “We didn’t get that far...”
“Off!” I shrieked before he could get any farther. “Off now!”
The Joker just chuckled and kept his seat. “Clothes?” He asked curiously.
Oh, so that was what the vile fiend wanted. Damn him!
“The closet on the left.” I grumbled and pulled the covers over my head as he bounded off in that direction with a chuckle. It took some debate between my body and brain to decide that it had ‘not’ been more comfortable with the Joker pressing me into the bed. If I kept mentally chanting ‘gay homicidal maniac’ maybe my brain would win.
While a madman dug for clothes I took the blankets and fled the room. I considered it a relief I was still in the clothes I’d passed out in.
I needed coffee like a junkie needed a really understanding dealer. But obstacles did tend to get in my way these last few days, and the rather Adonis looking spread of nude man on my floor with various piles of useless clothing and pillows around his snoozing form did count as an obstacle.
One I practically ran past to get towards the kitchen without staring at his pleasantly displayed rump.
I made enough noise in the kitchen to wake half the building while still managing to keep my duvet cape wrapped around my shoulders. And it wasn’t until I’d drained a full mug of coffee and refilled it that I dared venturing back into the living room. Wayne hadn’t moved, it didn’t even look like he’d budged during all the ruckus I’d made.
I quirked a brow and very discreetly dropped my blanket over his possibly freezing backside. Still nothing.
“Mr. Wayne?”
I frowned when he didn’t acknowledge me. There’s a point to playing possum that’s just ridiculous and this was toeing that fine line.
“Bruce?”
I crouched down next to him with a fresh cup of coffee and smiled. “Look if you don’t get off my floor and get dressed I’m going to pour hot coffee on your gorgeous bare ass.” I said sweetly and started to pull the blanket off to initiate my threat.
And a death grip was just as quickly seized on the covers by the Wayne’s hand, brown eyes glaring up at me from the floor. I just smiled, set the coffee down for him and backed away slowly.
I honestly do believe the Joker is scarier then Batman. But Bruce Wayne is a lot scarier then both when he wants to be.
But then when it came to the Joker...he wasn’t anywhere in sight. ‘Uh oh’ didn’t exactly cover my thought process at that moment as I left Wayne alone to cool while I went to find his maniacal counterpart.