The After part 2
Pairing: Jongup-centric
Rated: PG13
Length: 4.8K
Songs Again
Part One
“I don’t see anything.” He whispered back, cocking the safety off his gun and preparing to shoot first and ask questions later. “It’s just a bunch of dust and dirt.”
Youngjae nodded. “Exactly. When we left you could see our footprints easily. Now they’re smudged like someone’s walked over them.” He dropped his backpack to the floor and motioned for Youngjae to take the other side of the door.
He raised his fingers and on the count of three they kicked the door open, startling the stranger rummaging through Youngjae’s suitcase.
“Don’t shoot me!”
They both widened their eyes at the trembling man as he dropped to the floor in hysterical terror, covering his head with his arms.
“Please don’t kill me I just wanted to see if you were humans!”
Youngjae eyed the still trembling man on the couch with distrust. “Give me one good reason not to put a bullet in your brain right now.”
He whimpered and drew his legs up tight to his chest, in too much shock to answer.
When Youngjae made a move to make good on his threat, Jongup hurriedly jumped between the two. “Jae stop! You’re scaring him!”
“Good! He touched my shit without my permission! I’ve killed men for less than that!”
It was true, Jongup had seen it. But that didn’t mean they needed to shoot someone who was obviously scared to death. He eyed the stranger again, trying to get a judge of character off him.
Messy black hair that obviously had been cut by himself and paler than normal skin with dark circles smeared around his eyes just proved how exhausted he was.
Jongup took a few tentative steps towards him, ignoring Youngjae’s huffs of displeasure. “What’s your name?”
The man’s eyes were small but they caught Jongup in their trap and refused to let him go. “Kim Himchan.” His voice was raspy as if he wasn’t use to using it on a regular basis. “I live on the floor above this.”
“My name’s Jongup and that’s Youngjae. We had to leave our old building and thought we’d try this one out, is that okay?”
Youngjae’s breath was strangled as if he couldn’t believe Jongup was even asking that. “We don’t need his permission, Jongup! And get away from him, we don’t even know if he’s a human yet or not!”
Himchan tugged nervously on his baggy shirt and shook his head. “I’m not one of those freaks.”
“Look at his teeth, Jae. Have you seen a zombie with clean white teeth?” It wasn’t definitive proof but even Youngjae couldn’t argue with his logic. No matter how smart the infected were, no matter how easily they could twist their personalities to appear normal, their hygiene was always the telltale sign. When all you care about is finding food then brushing teeth and showering wasn’t at the top of your list.
With a snarl Youngjae jumped forward and shoved the man so hard his head bounced off the wall with a loud thud. “How have you survived so long on your own? You’re scared of your own fucking shadow there’s no way you could fend off an attack.”
Himchan looked to Jongup for help. He sighed with relief when Jongup gently tugged Youngjae off of him. “I knew it was coming. I liked to watch the news and saw it headed towards our country so I prepared. It’s not hard to buy several years’ worth of food when your parents make more than over half of the people in the entire city. I just stockpiled and hid it all. Whenever people would come in and try to raid I would hide with it until they finally left.”
The thought of food caught Youngjae’s interest. “Show us.”
“No.” Now that he had something the other wanted, Himchan finally decided to show some courage. “I’m not just going to hand my supplies over for you to run off and leave me here to die.”
Threatening Youngjae was not a smart idea, Jongup had seen what happened to people who disagreed with him. And it wouldn’t really be difficult to find Himchan’s hiding place, not for someone with Youngjae’s tracking skills.
But they were starving. It had been ages since they had the thought of a real meal held over their heads.
“If you agree to share your food and man up enough to pull the same load of work we do then I won’t blow your brains out.” That was as good of an offer that Himchan was going to get and thankfully he realized that as well.
And just like that their duo was transformed against Youngjae’s will into a trio.
“Deal.” He smiled shyly at them from under his messy hair. “Do you want to come up and stay in my apartment instead of this one? It’s really nice.”
They followed him up the stairs, the taller than they realized boy chattering as he went as if they were all old friends. “I haven’t spoken face to face with someone in years.”
“What happened to your parents?” Jongup immediately regretted the question when Himchan’s smile dropped instantly off his lips.
He opened the door to the apartment and motioned for them to come inside. “They were overseas when it happened. I spoke to them two weeks after the first attacks. The planes had stopped flying to try and quarantine the disease and they told me they would just wait it out and then fly home when it was all taken care of.” Jongup couldn’t see his eyes to know they were damp and he had the sudden urge to reach forward and clasp his hand. “I never heard from them again.”
“I’m sorry, Himch-“
With a shake of his head he pushed the topic away and clapped his hands together happily. “Now try to find my stuff! Bet you can’t!”
This was more Youngjae’s area so Jongup sat back and let him run loose in the large rooms. Himchan waited beside Jongup, the both of them chuckling to themselves at Youngjae’s growing frustration. He finally stormed back into the living room and glared up at Himchan.
“Alright, you win. Now where is it?”
With a small laugh, Himchan led them towards the office and spread his arms out. “It’s hidden!” He leaned down to open a door on the bookcase and pulled out a piece of plywood. “You gotta crawl through it.”
They followed him and came out in an exact replica of the apartment they were just in. Only this time the office was a bedroom that had obviously been lived in with a messy bed and books thrown around the floor.
Youngjae looked around in awe. “How did you do this?”
Himchan smiled proudly. “My father built this hotel. I was only five and I wanted my own hideout. I guess his version of a rich kid’s hideout was a complete apartment. There’s no door to the hallway so the only way in is through the bookcase. They put all the furniture in and then put the final wall in place. Pretty great, huh?”
Even Youngjae looked impressed. This was exactly what they needed to stay safe and if they could somehow find food then they would be all set for a long time to come.
“It’s not very much fun eating cans of tuna and beans every single day for three years but it’s better than dying I guess.” Himchan continued to lead them further into the rooms. He opened another door and both Youngjae and Jongup felt their throats closing up at the sight of the stacked pallets of food in the floor. Jongup could taste the food slathered over his taste buds and he would have whimpered if he wasn’t so trained at keeping his emotions in check.
“You just became our new best friend.” Youngjae whispered reverently. “Have you searched the rest of the building for food yet?”
Himchan looked confused. “Why would I do that? I have food right there!”
With an amused smile Jongup shook his head at him. “But what happens when you run out? How are you going to get more? Where’s your gun?”
His sheepish expression gave them their answer.
“You left your house and came down to check on us and you didn’t even have a gun?” Youngjae thought again about doing the world a favor and shooting the idiot.
They had their first stomach-filling meal in ages that night. Himchan charitably gave them each a can of tuna and beans apiece and even broke open some peaches for the occasion. Jongup ravished his, not even lifting his head until he was finished, but Youngjae took his time. He was smart enough to know that this couldn’t be an every night thing and he wanted to remember every spoonful he took.
“So have you guys killed any of them?” Himchan was polite enough to wait until they were both done with supper before starting his interrogation. “Do they die like regular humans do? Is their blood red? Do they get back up again like they did in all the zombie movies?”
It wasn’t really his fault he was asking what were, in Jongup’s opinion really stupid questions. Himchan had been on his own for over three years and human contact was making him a little delirious.
“I’m on watch tonight.” Youngjae turned to Jongup with eyes that looked like they may have been twitching. “And there’s a good chance I will kill him.”
“Let’s go to sleep.” With a smile Jongup led Himchan back to the bedroom and shut the door behind them. “I’m going to give your our rules before I find a room to claim. Rule one is that we don’t brag about killing anything. It has to happen and that’s okay but you’ll see that talking about it just doesn’t help matters.” Himchan sat on his bed with wide eyes and took in all the new information. “Rule two is that we take turns doing watch at night. Youngjae isn’t going to trust you enough for a while for you to do it on your own so you can keep watch with me tomorrow night and I’ll show you how it goes. And during the day we search. We’re a little more lax if we have a good stockpile going on but it’s always nice to know what kind of building you’re dealing with.”
“You scavenge their kitchens.” Himchan looked proud that he had remembered something.
“Yes.” Jongup had to admit that it was nice having someone else in their group. He could already tell from their easy conversation that he was going to end up closer with Himchan than he and Youngjae had ever been. “You can do that with me, too. I wouldn’t trust Youngjae with you until you’ve proven yourself He doesn’t appreciate little mistakes.”
Himchan nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. He played with a loose string on his comforter and his shoulders hunched inwards as he thought. With a sigh he finally looked up and met Jongup’s gaze. “They’re all dead. Aren’t they? My parents, my neighbors, everyone.”
The sound of his voice hit Jongup in the gut. He had gone so long hiding his feelings and pushing the memories away that the emotion in Himchan’s tone were like a wave bringing him back to the past. Himchan’s voice rang with pain. Jongup had almost forgotten what it was like to share his pain with someone. He had forced Youngjae away from him every time he had a nightmare because he didn’t want to talk about what he was dreaming about, he couldn’t share Daehyun.
“I’m sorry.” He told him softly, sitting carefully on the bed. “There’s not many humans left that we have come across. We’re outnumbered.”
That damn smile came back. The one Himchan plastered on his face anytime he felt things were getting too serious.
“I figured as much. Nothing to do but keep going, huh?” He jumped up to pull out some clothes from his dresser and hand them to Jongup. “I leave my clothes out in the rain and then hang them up to dry so they’re not super clean but you can have some if you want to change.”
Jongup eyed the pinstriped pajama pants and soft blue t-shirt with amusement. “No thanks. You keep them. I don’t change my clothes until they’re able to stand on their own from the amount of dirt caked into them.”
“Oh.” Himchan’s brows furrowed with disappointment. “Well, do you want to sleep in here then? I can take the couch?”
He shook his head. “We don’t like to fall asleep out in the open. I’ll probably take the bathroom. There’s a tub in there right? As long as I can shut the door behind me then the room is fine.”
It was obvious the man didn’t understand and Jongup didn’t blame him. He was probably confused at how the human race could de-evolve so much over the last few years that people couldn’t trust each other anymore. But he would learn. Jongup was fully intending to break him out of his safe bubble and expose him to what the current world was really like.
When he was bundled up in a spare pillow and blanket that Himchan had made him take Jongup finally realized why he was so intent on teaching Himchan the rules of their life and how to fit in.
A friend.
Jongup laughed humorlessly at his fourteen year old side that always bubbled at the surface, his last real moments of innocence that he always crawled back to when he was lonely.
He just wanted a goddammed friend.
---
The nightmares weren’t as bad as they usually were. They never were on moving days. Jongup was usually so exhausted that he could barely move much less squirm and cry out.
This night was filled with teeth. Blood-covered teeth that stayed in the corner of his mind no matter how hard he tried to force it away. He could feel the sharp sting of them against his flesh, the squelching sound his blood would make as the thick liquid poured out of him and splashed against the ground. The sound of laughter would be the last thing he ever heard.
He awoke to a hand in his hair and gentle murmurs against his ear that quieted down the deep whimpers.
“Shh Jongup.” Himchan’s deep voice rumbled against his back and he realized that somehow the man had crawled into the tub with him and had his entire body clasped firmly against Jongup’s. “It’s okay, it’s alright.”
“Himchan?” He pushed the hands away and jumped out of the tub, falling over the side in a heap. “What are you-“
“I heard you crying while I was making breakfast.” Himchan interrupted him with a soft smile. “Youngjae told me to leave you alone but I wanted to help.”
He shook his head and held up a hand at the way the older man was heading towards him. “I don’t… Just don’t, okay?”
“But I just wanted t-“
“I don’t want your help!” Jongup’s back hit the door and he fumbled for the knob digging into his hip. “You should have listened to Youngjae!”
Ignoring Himchan’s continued protests Jongup stormed past Youngjae’s smirking face in the kitchen. “I’m going out.” He muttered, grabbing his rifle and slipping out through Himchan’s secret entrance.
With a deep breath of relief he slumped against the hallway and covered his face with his palms. It had been years since someone had tried to hold him and the feeling made his skin crawl.
“Not now not now not now.” Jongup knew these attacks were getting worse. The way his heartbeat sped up so fast that it felt like everyone could hear it from miles away, the breaths that grew shallower and shallower as he tried to force himself to calm down but nothing worked.
Youngjae warned him that he was getting out of control and for the first time Jongup finally admitted that maybe he was right. The memories were starting to take him over and he wouldn’t last long like this. Not in this world.
He took deep breaths in and exhaled slowly, the way Daehyun had taught him when the panic attacks first started. After a few minutes he still felt like death warmed over, but at least he wasn’t hyperventilating.
A small cough brought him out of the trance and his gun was raised and aimed before Himchan knew what had hit him.
“Jongup!” His screech was loud in the quiet of the building. “It’s just me! God!”
“What do you want?” He was too tired to yell at him again.
Himchan carefully held out a can of food for him. “Youngjae wanted to eat your share but I wouldn’t let him. You don’t need to be out here on your own without a decent breakfast.” After Jongup had obediently finished off the meager four bites of food, Himchan wrung his fingers shyly. “Do you think I could still go with you? You promised me last night that I could.”
Turning so that Himchan couldn’t see his eye roll, Jongup gave him a nod. “Hurry up and go get a bag. God knows if I don’t take care of you then no one will.”
Himchan’s smile was bright before he grabbed Jongup’s empty can and ran back into the apartment. Bright and…
Cute.
That was something Jongup hadn’t thought about in so long that the word took a second to even come to him.
Thoughts like those were what distracted you. He didn’t need any more distractions. When Himchan came bouncing back through the door with an empty backpack and a hammer “just in case”, Jongup told himself that the rising bubble in his chest was because of indigestion.
“So how do we do this?” Himchan followed him obediently to the ground floor so that Jongup could check their traps and make sure they were still safe for another day. “Do we just break down doors and just start stealing everything in sight?”
Jongup made his way around the once grand lobby and searched for an employee break room. He ignored Himchan’s question, his ego still smarting from the hit it took earlier.
“Jongup? What do we do if we run into one of them? Do we shoot it or try and catch it?” Himchan obviously didn’t notice his silence or if he did he didn’t care. “I can maybe sneak up on one and hit it with my hammer but I’ve seen them out my window and they look pretty strong.”
With a deep growl of annoyance Jongup finally turned and gave the overly chatty man his attention. “How could you even hear one coming when you won’t shut the hell up?” He knew his comeback was rude but how this idiot lived this long on his own was a mystery.
Himchan jerked back, hurt clouding his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He muttered softly, gripping the hammer tightly in-between his palms. “But Jongup it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve seen an actual human, much less been lucky enough to speak to one. Please remember that.”
Well now he just felt like an asshole. Himchan was lonely and had latched on to him since Youngjae wouldn’t give him the time of day and here he was hurting his feelings. “Look, we can talk all you want on watch tonight. But right now we have to work quietly so that we always have the upper hand. Okay?”
Conceding put a small smile back on Himchan’s lips and Jongup had to force himself not to stare. “Deal.”
They were finally able to work quietly and quickly once he had Himchan under control and Jongup was excited to find two bags of microwavable popcorn hidden in the cabinet of the break room.
“We’ll have to build a fire to cook it over, but it probably won’t be today. Youngjae will want to make sure we’ve secured the building really well before we do anything that risky.”
He could tell Himchan was dying to ask questions but was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. When he felt his lips trying to quirk up in amusement he hurriedly squashed it back down. They had too much to lose and Jongup’s silly little thing, whatever it was he was feeling, was dangerous. The last thing he wanted was to put any of them in harm’s way.
“Let’s head up to the first floor and I’ll show you how we search an apartment, okay?”
Himchan happily nodded and stayed close to his side as they entered the dark stairwell again. His breath was close on Jongup’s back and he shivered at the way the hair on the back of his neck stood on end.
“They’re probably all locked.” Himchan’s whisper was soft against his ear. “How do you get in without making too much noise?”
When they emerged back into the window light hallway, Jongup smirked and pulled his lock kit out of his bag. “One of the first thing’s you need to learn in The After is how to pick a lock. It’s one of the most important things you’ll have to do.”
He missed Himchan’s confused look at his words.
It was only when they were inside the kitchen that Himchan bravely spoke up even though he was told to stay quiet.
“Jongup? What did you mean? You said I needed to learn how to pick a lock in The After? What’s that?”
“Oh. Sorry.” He turned and wrinkled his nose in embarrassment. “That’s just what I call life now. We had The Before and now there’s The After. Giving them names makes it easier.”
Himchan mouthed the words to himself a few times. “That makes sense. I like it.” He grinned happily at him before bouncing off to the living room to search through the bookcase. “I’ve read all the books in my room at least a dozen times apiece. Can I take some new ones?” Before Jongup could answer Himchan was already oohing and ahhing over the different titles and stacking them into his bag.
It had been so long since he had been around someone so happy and excitable. It was refreshing, Jongup thought. Maybe Himchan joining them was going to better them all. Youngjae needed something bright in his life and while Jongup wasn’t near as deep and serious as he was, he still wasn’t going to be voted Mr. Sunshine anytime soon.
“You find anything good?” He dropped his bag down beside him after clearing the kitchen of all the needed items.
“Mmhmm.” Himchan replied distractedly, thumbing through a novel. “I’ve read this before but it was back in high school. I can’t wait to do it all over ag-“ He cut off when he saw Jongup’s amused smile. “I was supposed to be learning how to find stuff, wasn’t I… Shoot, I’m sorry. I just see books and I get so distracted and-“
Jongup chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. We can search the next one together, okay?” He traded bags and took the heavier one so that Himchan didn’t have to carry it. He may have been smaller but it was obvious Himchan wasn’t one to work out. He was all legs and skinny arms. They let themselves into the apartment across the hall, Himchan standing obediently by him and not even glancing towards the shelves on the wall. “First we go cabinet by cabinet. Anything edible is obviously fair game, but we don’t really like to take any canned meats. Those can make you sick. One time I ate some without Youngjae stopping me in time and I had food poisoning for two days. So let me know if you find any and I’ll take it to Youngjae.”
“You’re always checking in with Youngjae.” Himchan observed, already scanning the contents of the first cabinet. “Is he like the official leader?”
“Well, yeah.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, he’s older and he’s a lot smarter than me. So I trust him. Is that something bad?”
Himchan shook his head, happily handing out a can of beans. “No, I didn’t mean that. Just that Youngjae’s lucky he found someone like you. If he had found me and tried to tell me what to do after it all first happened we probably would have killed each other. I’m okay with being led now because I know it’s that or die, but back then? Nope.”
He had never thought of it before. Youngjae was just a natural leader. He was bossy, abnormally smart so he knew the right way and the wrong way to do things, and he was sometimes cold to him. Jongup liked not being coddled all the time. It made him stronger, helped him to deal with the world in The After. But maybe Himchan was right. Maybe he shouldn’t have just blindly become Youngjae’s puppet.
“You learn to like Youngjae.” He finally told him. “He may seem rude but that’s just because he’s made himself that way. He doesn’t like to show weaknesses.”
Himchan didn’t answer for a few minutes, pretending to concentrate on his search. “Is that how you want to be, Jongup?” His eyes were dark when they turned to him. “Do you not want to care about anyone ever again?”
“Emotions get you killed.” Jongup told him robotically. It was something Youngjae told him over and over. “You can live or the monsters can live. Not both.”
He didn’t like the sympathetic look in Himchan’s eyes at his words. He didn’t want someone to pity the way they lived. Youngjae may not have been physically caring to him but he always made sure Jongup had a meal at night and he never let him go first when they entered somewhere new. That was enough to make him know that somewhere deep down Youngjae wanted to keep him safe.
“Emotions can also give you a reason to keep going.” Himchan said gently. “If you have nothing or no one to live for then why bother?”
The nail was hit on the head more than Himchan knew with that comment. Jongup did have something to live for. Even if it took him the rest of his life, which probably wouldn’t be too much longer with the way he’d been acting, he was going to find Daehyun.
“I think this apartment’s done.” Jongup ignored the outstretched hand and jumped up on his own. “Youngjae can come back tomorrow and search the bedrooms. I want to do some exercises and then take a short nap. If you’re going to stay up for watch tonight you probably need to have one for a couple hours, too. It gets really boring and you’ll want to fall asleep.”
He brushed past him, still stinging from the comments about Youngjae. Even if Himchan didn’t mean them rudely it was none of his business how Jongup’s relationship with Youngjae worked. Himchan could tell by the set in his shoulders that he was annoyed and wisely stayed quiet.
“Hey, find anything useable?” Youngjae met him at in the living room, a yawn on his lips and barely cracked eyes.
Jongup dumped out his bag, the popcorn, a few cans of food and spare can opener all they had come across. He motioned towards Himchan’s bedroom where he could hear rustling. “Himchan brought back a bunch of books if you’re interested.”
He wrinkled his nose. “No thanks. Got better things to do than sit and read all day. Like survive.” He joked, making Jongup snort. “You ready for watch tonight with the princess? Got your gun?”
No matter how nice Himchan had been to them Youngjae was going to need a long time to even partially trust him. Hell, he still barely trusted Jongup and it had been years since they joined together. But at least Jongup pulled his weight. If Himchan hadn’t showed them the pantry full of hundreds of cans of food Youngjae might actually have just killed him and been on his way.
To be honest, he still kind of wanted to kill him. He didn’t like the way Himchan looked at Jongup.
That was going to cause problems. And Youngjae dealt with problems in only one way. With his gun.
Part Three
Rated: PG13
Length: 4.8K
Songs Again
Part One
“I don’t see anything.” He whispered back, cocking the safety off his gun and preparing to shoot first and ask questions later. “It’s just a bunch of dust and dirt.”
Youngjae nodded. “Exactly. When we left you could see our footprints easily. Now they’re smudged like someone’s walked over them.” He dropped his backpack to the floor and motioned for Youngjae to take the other side of the door.
He raised his fingers and on the count of three they kicked the door open, startling the stranger rummaging through Youngjae’s suitcase.
“Don’t shoot me!”
They both widened their eyes at the trembling man as he dropped to the floor in hysterical terror, covering his head with his arms.
“Please don’t kill me I just wanted to see if you were humans!”
Youngjae eyed the still trembling man on the couch with distrust. “Give me one good reason not to put a bullet in your brain right now.”
He whimpered and drew his legs up tight to his chest, in too much shock to answer.
When Youngjae made a move to make good on his threat, Jongup hurriedly jumped between the two. “Jae stop! You’re scaring him!”
“Good! He touched my shit without my permission! I’ve killed men for less than that!”
It was true, Jongup had seen it. But that didn’t mean they needed to shoot someone who was obviously scared to death. He eyed the stranger again, trying to get a judge of character off him.
Messy black hair that obviously had been cut by himself and paler than normal skin with dark circles smeared around his eyes just proved how exhausted he was.
Jongup took a few tentative steps towards him, ignoring Youngjae’s huffs of displeasure. “What’s your name?”
The man’s eyes were small but they caught Jongup in their trap and refused to let him go. “Kim Himchan.” His voice was raspy as if he wasn’t use to using it on a regular basis. “I live on the floor above this.”
“My name’s Jongup and that’s Youngjae. We had to leave our old building and thought we’d try this one out, is that okay?”
Youngjae’s breath was strangled as if he couldn’t believe Jongup was even asking that. “We don’t need his permission, Jongup! And get away from him, we don’t even know if he’s a human yet or not!”
Himchan tugged nervously on his baggy shirt and shook his head. “I’m not one of those freaks.”
“Look at his teeth, Jae. Have you seen a zombie with clean white teeth?” It wasn’t definitive proof but even Youngjae couldn’t argue with his logic. No matter how smart the infected were, no matter how easily they could twist their personalities to appear normal, their hygiene was always the telltale sign. When all you care about is finding food then brushing teeth and showering wasn’t at the top of your list.
With a snarl Youngjae jumped forward and shoved the man so hard his head bounced off the wall with a loud thud. “How have you survived so long on your own? You’re scared of your own fucking shadow there’s no way you could fend off an attack.”
Himchan looked to Jongup for help. He sighed with relief when Jongup gently tugged Youngjae off of him. “I knew it was coming. I liked to watch the news and saw it headed towards our country so I prepared. It’s not hard to buy several years’ worth of food when your parents make more than over half of the people in the entire city. I just stockpiled and hid it all. Whenever people would come in and try to raid I would hide with it until they finally left.”
The thought of food caught Youngjae’s interest. “Show us.”
“No.” Now that he had something the other wanted, Himchan finally decided to show some courage. “I’m not just going to hand my supplies over for you to run off and leave me here to die.”
Threatening Youngjae was not a smart idea, Jongup had seen what happened to people who disagreed with him. And it wouldn’t really be difficult to find Himchan’s hiding place, not for someone with Youngjae’s tracking skills.
But they were starving. It had been ages since they had the thought of a real meal held over their heads.
“If you agree to share your food and man up enough to pull the same load of work we do then I won’t blow your brains out.” That was as good of an offer that Himchan was going to get and thankfully he realized that as well.
And just like that their duo was transformed against Youngjae’s will into a trio.
“Deal.” He smiled shyly at them from under his messy hair. “Do you want to come up and stay in my apartment instead of this one? It’s really nice.”
They followed him up the stairs, the taller than they realized boy chattering as he went as if they were all old friends. “I haven’t spoken face to face with someone in years.”
“What happened to your parents?” Jongup immediately regretted the question when Himchan’s smile dropped instantly off his lips.
He opened the door to the apartment and motioned for them to come inside. “They were overseas when it happened. I spoke to them two weeks after the first attacks. The planes had stopped flying to try and quarantine the disease and they told me they would just wait it out and then fly home when it was all taken care of.” Jongup couldn’t see his eyes to know they were damp and he had the sudden urge to reach forward and clasp his hand. “I never heard from them again.”
“I’m sorry, Himch-“
With a shake of his head he pushed the topic away and clapped his hands together happily. “Now try to find my stuff! Bet you can’t!”
This was more Youngjae’s area so Jongup sat back and let him run loose in the large rooms. Himchan waited beside Jongup, the both of them chuckling to themselves at Youngjae’s growing frustration. He finally stormed back into the living room and glared up at Himchan.
“Alright, you win. Now where is it?”
With a small laugh, Himchan led them towards the office and spread his arms out. “It’s hidden!” He leaned down to open a door on the bookcase and pulled out a piece of plywood. “You gotta crawl through it.”
They followed him and came out in an exact replica of the apartment they were just in. Only this time the office was a bedroom that had obviously been lived in with a messy bed and books thrown around the floor.
Youngjae looked around in awe. “How did you do this?”
Himchan smiled proudly. “My father built this hotel. I was only five and I wanted my own hideout. I guess his version of a rich kid’s hideout was a complete apartment. There’s no door to the hallway so the only way in is through the bookcase. They put all the furniture in and then put the final wall in place. Pretty great, huh?”
Even Youngjae looked impressed. This was exactly what they needed to stay safe and if they could somehow find food then they would be all set for a long time to come.
“It’s not very much fun eating cans of tuna and beans every single day for three years but it’s better than dying I guess.” Himchan continued to lead them further into the rooms. He opened another door and both Youngjae and Jongup felt their throats closing up at the sight of the stacked pallets of food in the floor. Jongup could taste the food slathered over his taste buds and he would have whimpered if he wasn’t so trained at keeping his emotions in check.
“You just became our new best friend.” Youngjae whispered reverently. “Have you searched the rest of the building for food yet?”
Himchan looked confused. “Why would I do that? I have food right there!”
With an amused smile Jongup shook his head at him. “But what happens when you run out? How are you going to get more? Where’s your gun?”
His sheepish expression gave them their answer.
“You left your house and came down to check on us and you didn’t even have a gun?” Youngjae thought again about doing the world a favor and shooting the idiot.
They had their first stomach-filling meal in ages that night. Himchan charitably gave them each a can of tuna and beans apiece and even broke open some peaches for the occasion. Jongup ravished his, not even lifting his head until he was finished, but Youngjae took his time. He was smart enough to know that this couldn’t be an every night thing and he wanted to remember every spoonful he took.
“So have you guys killed any of them?” Himchan was polite enough to wait until they were both done with supper before starting his interrogation. “Do they die like regular humans do? Is their blood red? Do they get back up again like they did in all the zombie movies?”
It wasn’t really his fault he was asking what were, in Jongup’s opinion really stupid questions. Himchan had been on his own for over three years and human contact was making him a little delirious.
“I’m on watch tonight.” Youngjae turned to Jongup with eyes that looked like they may have been twitching. “And there’s a good chance I will kill him.”
“Let’s go to sleep.” With a smile Jongup led Himchan back to the bedroom and shut the door behind them. “I’m going to give your our rules before I find a room to claim. Rule one is that we don’t brag about killing anything. It has to happen and that’s okay but you’ll see that talking about it just doesn’t help matters.” Himchan sat on his bed with wide eyes and took in all the new information. “Rule two is that we take turns doing watch at night. Youngjae isn’t going to trust you enough for a while for you to do it on your own so you can keep watch with me tomorrow night and I’ll show you how it goes. And during the day we search. We’re a little more lax if we have a good stockpile going on but it’s always nice to know what kind of building you’re dealing with.”
“You scavenge their kitchens.” Himchan looked proud that he had remembered something.
“Yes.” Jongup had to admit that it was nice having someone else in their group. He could already tell from their easy conversation that he was going to end up closer with Himchan than he and Youngjae had ever been. “You can do that with me, too. I wouldn’t trust Youngjae with you until you’ve proven yourself He doesn’t appreciate little mistakes.”
Himchan nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. He played with a loose string on his comforter and his shoulders hunched inwards as he thought. With a sigh he finally looked up and met Jongup’s gaze. “They’re all dead. Aren’t they? My parents, my neighbors, everyone.”
The sound of his voice hit Jongup in the gut. He had gone so long hiding his feelings and pushing the memories away that the emotion in Himchan’s tone were like a wave bringing him back to the past. Himchan’s voice rang with pain. Jongup had almost forgotten what it was like to share his pain with someone. He had forced Youngjae away from him every time he had a nightmare because he didn’t want to talk about what he was dreaming about, he couldn’t share Daehyun.
“I’m sorry.” He told him softly, sitting carefully on the bed. “There’s not many humans left that we have come across. We’re outnumbered.”
That damn smile came back. The one Himchan plastered on his face anytime he felt things were getting too serious.
“I figured as much. Nothing to do but keep going, huh?” He jumped up to pull out some clothes from his dresser and hand them to Jongup. “I leave my clothes out in the rain and then hang them up to dry so they’re not super clean but you can have some if you want to change.”
Jongup eyed the pinstriped pajama pants and soft blue t-shirt with amusement. “No thanks. You keep them. I don’t change my clothes until they’re able to stand on their own from the amount of dirt caked into them.”
“Oh.” Himchan’s brows furrowed with disappointment. “Well, do you want to sleep in here then? I can take the couch?”
He shook his head. “We don’t like to fall asleep out in the open. I’ll probably take the bathroom. There’s a tub in there right? As long as I can shut the door behind me then the room is fine.”
It was obvious the man didn’t understand and Jongup didn’t blame him. He was probably confused at how the human race could de-evolve so much over the last few years that people couldn’t trust each other anymore. But he would learn. Jongup was fully intending to break him out of his safe bubble and expose him to what the current world was really like.
When he was bundled up in a spare pillow and blanket that Himchan had made him take Jongup finally realized why he was so intent on teaching Himchan the rules of their life and how to fit in.
A friend.
Jongup laughed humorlessly at his fourteen year old side that always bubbled at the surface, his last real moments of innocence that he always crawled back to when he was lonely.
He just wanted a goddammed friend.
---
The nightmares weren’t as bad as they usually were. They never were on moving days. Jongup was usually so exhausted that he could barely move much less squirm and cry out.
This night was filled with teeth. Blood-covered teeth that stayed in the corner of his mind no matter how hard he tried to force it away. He could feel the sharp sting of them against his flesh, the squelching sound his blood would make as the thick liquid poured out of him and splashed against the ground. The sound of laughter would be the last thing he ever heard.
He awoke to a hand in his hair and gentle murmurs against his ear that quieted down the deep whimpers.
“Shh Jongup.” Himchan’s deep voice rumbled against his back and he realized that somehow the man had crawled into the tub with him and had his entire body clasped firmly against Jongup’s. “It’s okay, it’s alright.”
“Himchan?” He pushed the hands away and jumped out of the tub, falling over the side in a heap. “What are you-“
“I heard you crying while I was making breakfast.” Himchan interrupted him with a soft smile. “Youngjae told me to leave you alone but I wanted to help.”
He shook his head and held up a hand at the way the older man was heading towards him. “I don’t… Just don’t, okay?”
“But I just wanted t-“
“I don’t want your help!” Jongup’s back hit the door and he fumbled for the knob digging into his hip. “You should have listened to Youngjae!”
Ignoring Himchan’s continued protests Jongup stormed past Youngjae’s smirking face in the kitchen. “I’m going out.” He muttered, grabbing his rifle and slipping out through Himchan’s secret entrance.
With a deep breath of relief he slumped against the hallway and covered his face with his palms. It had been years since someone had tried to hold him and the feeling made his skin crawl.
“Not now not now not now.” Jongup knew these attacks were getting worse. The way his heartbeat sped up so fast that it felt like everyone could hear it from miles away, the breaths that grew shallower and shallower as he tried to force himself to calm down but nothing worked.
Youngjae warned him that he was getting out of control and for the first time Jongup finally admitted that maybe he was right. The memories were starting to take him over and he wouldn’t last long like this. Not in this world.
He took deep breaths in and exhaled slowly, the way Daehyun had taught him when the panic attacks first started. After a few minutes he still felt like death warmed over, but at least he wasn’t hyperventilating.
A small cough brought him out of the trance and his gun was raised and aimed before Himchan knew what had hit him.
“Jongup!” His screech was loud in the quiet of the building. “It’s just me! God!”
“What do you want?” He was too tired to yell at him again.
Himchan carefully held out a can of food for him. “Youngjae wanted to eat your share but I wouldn’t let him. You don’t need to be out here on your own without a decent breakfast.” After Jongup had obediently finished off the meager four bites of food, Himchan wrung his fingers shyly. “Do you think I could still go with you? You promised me last night that I could.”
Turning so that Himchan couldn’t see his eye roll, Jongup gave him a nod. “Hurry up and go get a bag. God knows if I don’t take care of you then no one will.”
Himchan’s smile was bright before he grabbed Jongup’s empty can and ran back into the apartment. Bright and…
Cute.
That was something Jongup hadn’t thought about in so long that the word took a second to even come to him.
Thoughts like those were what distracted you. He didn’t need any more distractions. When Himchan came bouncing back through the door with an empty backpack and a hammer “just in case”, Jongup told himself that the rising bubble in his chest was because of indigestion.
“So how do we do this?” Himchan followed him obediently to the ground floor so that Jongup could check their traps and make sure they were still safe for another day. “Do we just break down doors and just start stealing everything in sight?”
Jongup made his way around the once grand lobby and searched for an employee break room. He ignored Himchan’s question, his ego still smarting from the hit it took earlier.
“Jongup? What do we do if we run into one of them? Do we shoot it or try and catch it?” Himchan obviously didn’t notice his silence or if he did he didn’t care. “I can maybe sneak up on one and hit it with my hammer but I’ve seen them out my window and they look pretty strong.”
With a deep growl of annoyance Jongup finally turned and gave the overly chatty man his attention. “How could you even hear one coming when you won’t shut the hell up?” He knew his comeback was rude but how this idiot lived this long on his own was a mystery.
Himchan jerked back, hurt clouding his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He muttered softly, gripping the hammer tightly in-between his palms. “But Jongup it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve seen an actual human, much less been lucky enough to speak to one. Please remember that.”
Well now he just felt like an asshole. Himchan was lonely and had latched on to him since Youngjae wouldn’t give him the time of day and here he was hurting his feelings. “Look, we can talk all you want on watch tonight. But right now we have to work quietly so that we always have the upper hand. Okay?”
Conceding put a small smile back on Himchan’s lips and Jongup had to force himself not to stare. “Deal.”
They were finally able to work quietly and quickly once he had Himchan under control and Jongup was excited to find two bags of microwavable popcorn hidden in the cabinet of the break room.
“We’ll have to build a fire to cook it over, but it probably won’t be today. Youngjae will want to make sure we’ve secured the building really well before we do anything that risky.”
He could tell Himchan was dying to ask questions but was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. When he felt his lips trying to quirk up in amusement he hurriedly squashed it back down. They had too much to lose and Jongup’s silly little thing, whatever it was he was feeling, was dangerous. The last thing he wanted was to put any of them in harm’s way.
“Let’s head up to the first floor and I’ll show you how we search an apartment, okay?”
Himchan happily nodded and stayed close to his side as they entered the dark stairwell again. His breath was close on Jongup’s back and he shivered at the way the hair on the back of his neck stood on end.
“They’re probably all locked.” Himchan’s whisper was soft against his ear. “How do you get in without making too much noise?”
When they emerged back into the window light hallway, Jongup smirked and pulled his lock kit out of his bag. “One of the first thing’s you need to learn in The After is how to pick a lock. It’s one of the most important things you’ll have to do.”
He missed Himchan’s confused look at his words.
It was only when they were inside the kitchen that Himchan bravely spoke up even though he was told to stay quiet.
“Jongup? What did you mean? You said I needed to learn how to pick a lock in The After? What’s that?”
“Oh. Sorry.” He turned and wrinkled his nose in embarrassment. “That’s just what I call life now. We had The Before and now there’s The After. Giving them names makes it easier.”
Himchan mouthed the words to himself a few times. “That makes sense. I like it.” He grinned happily at him before bouncing off to the living room to search through the bookcase. “I’ve read all the books in my room at least a dozen times apiece. Can I take some new ones?” Before Jongup could answer Himchan was already oohing and ahhing over the different titles and stacking them into his bag.
It had been so long since he had been around someone so happy and excitable. It was refreshing, Jongup thought. Maybe Himchan joining them was going to better them all. Youngjae needed something bright in his life and while Jongup wasn’t near as deep and serious as he was, he still wasn’t going to be voted Mr. Sunshine anytime soon.
“You find anything good?” He dropped his bag down beside him after clearing the kitchen of all the needed items.
“Mmhmm.” Himchan replied distractedly, thumbing through a novel. “I’ve read this before but it was back in high school. I can’t wait to do it all over ag-“ He cut off when he saw Jongup’s amused smile. “I was supposed to be learning how to find stuff, wasn’t I… Shoot, I’m sorry. I just see books and I get so distracted and-“
Jongup chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. We can search the next one together, okay?” He traded bags and took the heavier one so that Himchan didn’t have to carry it. He may have been smaller but it was obvious Himchan wasn’t one to work out. He was all legs and skinny arms. They let themselves into the apartment across the hall, Himchan standing obediently by him and not even glancing towards the shelves on the wall. “First we go cabinet by cabinet. Anything edible is obviously fair game, but we don’t really like to take any canned meats. Those can make you sick. One time I ate some without Youngjae stopping me in time and I had food poisoning for two days. So let me know if you find any and I’ll take it to Youngjae.”
“You’re always checking in with Youngjae.” Himchan observed, already scanning the contents of the first cabinet. “Is he like the official leader?”
“Well, yeah.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, he’s older and he’s a lot smarter than me. So I trust him. Is that something bad?”
Himchan shook his head, happily handing out a can of beans. “No, I didn’t mean that. Just that Youngjae’s lucky he found someone like you. If he had found me and tried to tell me what to do after it all first happened we probably would have killed each other. I’m okay with being led now because I know it’s that or die, but back then? Nope.”
He had never thought of it before. Youngjae was just a natural leader. He was bossy, abnormally smart so he knew the right way and the wrong way to do things, and he was sometimes cold to him. Jongup liked not being coddled all the time. It made him stronger, helped him to deal with the world in The After. But maybe Himchan was right. Maybe he shouldn’t have just blindly become Youngjae’s puppet.
“You learn to like Youngjae.” He finally told him. “He may seem rude but that’s just because he’s made himself that way. He doesn’t like to show weaknesses.”
Himchan didn’t answer for a few minutes, pretending to concentrate on his search. “Is that how you want to be, Jongup?” His eyes were dark when they turned to him. “Do you not want to care about anyone ever again?”
“Emotions get you killed.” Jongup told him robotically. It was something Youngjae told him over and over. “You can live or the monsters can live. Not both.”
He didn’t like the sympathetic look in Himchan’s eyes at his words. He didn’t want someone to pity the way they lived. Youngjae may not have been physically caring to him but he always made sure Jongup had a meal at night and he never let him go first when they entered somewhere new. That was enough to make him know that somewhere deep down Youngjae wanted to keep him safe.
“Emotions can also give you a reason to keep going.” Himchan said gently. “If you have nothing or no one to live for then why bother?”
The nail was hit on the head more than Himchan knew with that comment. Jongup did have something to live for. Even if it took him the rest of his life, which probably wouldn’t be too much longer with the way he’d been acting, he was going to find Daehyun.
“I think this apartment’s done.” Jongup ignored the outstretched hand and jumped up on his own. “Youngjae can come back tomorrow and search the bedrooms. I want to do some exercises and then take a short nap. If you’re going to stay up for watch tonight you probably need to have one for a couple hours, too. It gets really boring and you’ll want to fall asleep.”
He brushed past him, still stinging from the comments about Youngjae. Even if Himchan didn’t mean them rudely it was none of his business how Jongup’s relationship with Youngjae worked. Himchan could tell by the set in his shoulders that he was annoyed and wisely stayed quiet.
“Hey, find anything useable?” Youngjae met him at in the living room, a yawn on his lips and barely cracked eyes.
Jongup dumped out his bag, the popcorn, a few cans of food and spare can opener all they had come across. He motioned towards Himchan’s bedroom where he could hear rustling. “Himchan brought back a bunch of books if you’re interested.”
He wrinkled his nose. “No thanks. Got better things to do than sit and read all day. Like survive.” He joked, making Jongup snort. “You ready for watch tonight with the princess? Got your gun?”
No matter how nice Himchan had been to them Youngjae was going to need a long time to even partially trust him. Hell, he still barely trusted Jongup and it had been years since they joined together. But at least Jongup pulled his weight. If Himchan hadn’t showed them the pantry full of hundreds of cans of food Youngjae might actually have just killed him and been on his way.
To be honest, he still kind of wanted to kill him. He didn’t like the way Himchan looked at Jongup.
That was going to cause problems. And Youngjae dealt with problems in only one way. With his gun.
Part Three