Drunken ramblings...

[johnparx]

Once, a long time ago, I cut myself. For a week or so, I cut open my left arm, either in the middle of the forearm, or along three parts of my shoulder, all on the left arm. I don't know why I did it. I know I got the idea from someone who my first girlfriend had done some questionable (in a sexual manner) things with. He told me about the

Comments

[jadednightwind]

I never did, I never could, but when I was younger it had crossed my mind. To drown out emotional pain with physical pain, perhaps. Perhaps two more reasons. Attention (attention seeking behavior is indifferent toward good and bad attention), and maybe just to see if I could. To see how it felt. Perhaps in my twisted mind I thought brief physical pain would be more endurable than living a life of internal toxicity.

[richyvo]

Don't do that.

[beachking1210]

That was not my reaction. You remember showing me in person. I could have sworn that you told me over AIM. If I'm remembering correctly, I was freaked out initially, but you told me not to worry about it because that kid enticed you to try it and that you wouldn't do it again. If it was on AIM, my reaction could have been lost though. I'm kind of sad that you remember me being dismissive of it.

[johnparx]

Oh, no, I actually wasn't thinking of you at all...I was referring to my morning carpool person, whereas I rode with you in the afternoon. If I remember correctly, I did tell you on AIM (after half-trying to tell this person), and, for the record, I did keep true to my word and not do it again. Sorry you got the wrong impression, that definitely was not intended.

[burntatthestake]

what brought the memory back? I mean, what sparked the thought to the point of writing it down in your livejournal?
And, wow, has it really been 4 years...?
Just trying to touch base with you. Yesterday marked 3 years. How are you?

[johnparx]

I've got someone in my life now who I'm quite close to and who has a history of cutting...when I wrote the entry, alcohol and worry had me all confused and a bit desperate.

Be aware that mood has since passed...for the most part, I'm actually doing rather well.

And yeah, I was kinda shocked too...it has been a long time...so much has happened.

I'd love to touch base again...I've actually been wanting to get in touch with you again for some time. Hope to hear from you soon.

Still caring.
-John

[johnparx]

Also, I am sorry if this entry dug up feelings you'd put behind you, or if I was...callous in how I wrote it. I assure you, that had not been my intention, and had I realized you were still following my journal, I would have used a little more tact in my words.