Fic: Rapture in Clingfilm

[johnnypurple]

Title: Rapture in Clingfilm
Pairing: Richard/The Stig, hints of Richard/James
Rating: PG, contains slashy themes and clingfilm.
Word count: ~1300
Disclaimer: Ahem. Not real. Not for profit. No slander intended.
Summary: In which Richard hosts a party, James does not eat cheese, The Stig makes a strange request of Richard, and Richard discovers the

Comments

[salix_03]

I think I just died and went to heaven!

[johnnypurple]

Welcome to heaven. Here is your clingfilm. Here is your terrapin. Roy Orbison is rather busy right now, so you can either join the back of the queue, or amuse yourself with a Roy Orbison impersonator or Johnny Cash. Have a cookie and enjoy your stay!

[salix_03]

All that, plus cookies?!? You've totally made my day!

[deliciousmelody]

He had the sudden realisation that he was becoming James May.

:D

“And that plate of cheese will be Jetta, the terrapin.”

*sporfles*

love, love, LOVE!!! The wrapping was like something I've never experienced before (literally, no-ones' ever wrapped me...sad..) It was very etheral and had a dream-like quality.

But the ending saddens me :( Poor White Stig. Where did he go? Is he like the mythical creature called a Bee and how they only get one chance to use their stinger? White Stig only got one chance to wrap - and then he is off...to the land where no one knows....

[johnnypurple]

no-ones' ever wrapped me - hahaha! well, should you come to Melbourne, we could do something about that! Me and nixwilliams are actually planning something...!

Is he like the mythical creature called a Bee and how they only get one chance to use their stinger? Perhaps. He is an alien and he does work in mysterious ways. But he is obviously a fan of Ulrich's - like us - so perhaps disappeared into the internet or something. Or off to another planet. Or into the ether. I don't know. This story wrote itself.

OR - the thought just occurred to me - perhaps he is Ulrich Haarbürste!!!!?!1!ONE! OMG! :O

[deliciousmelody]

Are you seriously planning to wrap someone? Or are you getting wrapped?

Do you want to know a weird confession from my childhood - don't laugh now, this is very personal.

Once, when I was a silly teenaged girl who went through the usual phase of OMG I weigh 45 kilos I am HIDEOUS!! I actually wrapped up my thighs in Glad Wrap to induce sweat, therefore losing sweat to lose weight.

LOLZ.

[johnnypurple]

Maybe, yes, no! I think I am going to wear lederhosen and Nix is going to wear all black (including black shades) and we are going to stock up on that mysterious semi-transparent substence and discuss terrapins and then see what happens. You are welcome to join us! (... don't know when though, as Nix has gone overseas now. So sometime after he gets back, which is in about a month.)

OMG 45kg! hideous! that's frikkin' enormous dude! did the clingfilm *ahem* Glad Wrap work?! *g* No. Clingfilm should only be used for pleasure. To use it for any other purpose is sacriledge.

Have you read Ulrich Haarbürste's Novel of Roy Orbison in Clingfilm? I think it is most important that you do.

[nixwilliams]

*shifty eyes* did you just write me into your fic as richard hammond?

OMG. I LOVE IT. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT!

THE CHEESE!!!!! THE BLACK!!! THE MELBOURNE! THE CHEESE PLATTER/TERRAPIN!!! THE CLINGFILM! THE STIG!!!

I AM FEELING RAPTURE RIGHT NOW!

. . .

*koff* you probably didn't need to know that much, did you?! well, i think you've pretty much won my internet, so i can happily leave it and get on a jet plane and fly to far places.

omg. ilu. and this fic!

[johnnypurple]

did you just write me into your fic as richard hammond? No. ... though now i read it again, he is a bit you, isn't he. Wears black, buys St Agur for his loved ones (HINT), is a faun, enjoys being wrapped in cling film. OMG! You are Richard Hammond, aren't you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!! FTW! Are you shagging Jeremy Clarkson, too?!

I'm very glad you enjoyed it. This makes me most happy. And I'm happy to give you rapture anytime you want. *coff*shifty eyes*coff* Your internet, eh? I'll try not to break it while your gone. I wonder can it be broken by too much crack/faun/clingfilm? Well, I'm gonna try and break it thusly, and you'll see the results when you get back! lol.

ilu2 and will miss you omg.

[mahpantsaregone]

This is

[johnnypurple]

*g*

Thank you, my dear. I'm so glad you liked it! *huggles* *discreetly starts wrapping you in clingfilm*

♥

[cenea]

Agh - the brilliance!! Yay for posting it...I loved this so much. Clingfilm is somehow all the more compelling when placed in proximity of cheese. And Richard Hammond.

(I'm a bit poorly, so apologies for the general rubbishness, even below usual standards, of this and any other comment I might make.)

[johnnypurple]

You should come to my shop! There is cheese in the proximity of clingfilm aplenty! No Richard Hammond though, unfortunately. Not yet, anyway. But if there were, I'd be sure to wrap him in clingfilm, just to be on the safe side.

Aw, are you ok? Have you tried chicken soup and/or cups of tea and sleep and/or the tried-and-true couch, doona (i think you call them doovets or something weird) and dvds cure?