It's all been a bit crazy ( Read more... )

Tells the right time twice a day. I feel like I'm holding back a lot of feelings right now, it seems marginally better than being constantly overwhelmed by loss, guilt and heartbreak. I've been quite materially productive though, I've been holding on to the things I KNOW I can do right if I really try. Pay the bills, go to work, comfort your ( Read more... )

Been busily working away at a variety of shit jobs trying to get all my bills paid and ensure some sort of vaguely fiscally viable existence. Beyond that my lifes still a total fucking train wreck. Got stood up in Rufus by my mate Sandy on the first day in ages I'd actually decided to go out. I did consider just going out myself but decided against ( Read more... )

is what I feel most of the time. Occasionally I assail myself with feelings of guilt and loss but it doesn't hurt me enough to make me stop ( Read more... )

I love Holland, Amsterdam in particular ( Read more... )

"Due to singeleness, Mark will be undergoing a period of San Andreas until further notice"

I really go off on one sometimes don't I?

I'm trying, I swear I really am. Whenever it seems like I'm starting to be able to cope someone points out i'm being a total ass. Do I really have to watch myself every second for the rest of my life to ensure I don't hurt anyone.

I can't live with the alternative.

That people continually scorn me for my failings but abuse me whenever I try to be a better person.

I'll try and do better...

My whole life seems to consist of the numb grey pain I've made of it. It's a step up I suppose, the bitter pill to swallow is that this is what I have been trying to achieve. A little responsibility, a little stability, the possibility of DOING THE RIGHT THING and not hating myself and everyone else ( Read more... )

Because as much as I'd like to believe it, I know theres no-one up there pissing on me, it just feels like that ( Read more... )