Hon-DUHHH
FML FML FML. Some of you know that I bought a new car in February and it finally came up for its first maintenance, which I went to do today. Everything was supposed to be straightforward: They told me they were going to do an oil change, rotate the tires, and top up the fluids. Hey, speaking of fluids... put a keg of Heineken in there while you’re at it! I said. Crickets.
It was going to take about an hour so they gave me a pager. If you need some good times, page yo dealer, biatch! I said, tapping the contraption on my belt like it was 1996. More crickets.
ANYWAY... After leering at a pretty Persian perusing a Pilot (yes, I’m just showing off my alliteration skills) in the showroom, I went to sit down in the Honda-emblazoned armchair in their waiting room and got ready for my hour wait. After only 5 minutes of a Sonny With a Chance episode, the pager began vibrating... So I walked up to a guilty-looking service technician, who asked me to come to the back with him. He was contrite as a hooker in church, and could barely look me in the eye:
“We... Had a bit of an accident with your car”
“Gofuckyourself?”
“Excuse me?” He looked surprised. Not as surprised as me, since I don’t have Tourettes.
“I mean... What do you mean accident?” I asked.
We walked up to my car, which was under intense scrutiny by a few guys, including a deer-in-highlights young man wearing Honda overalls. Apparently he banged the front end of my car into the back wall, and service dude had a shitload of reasons: “Maybe he had it revving too high when he put it in first, maybe he let go of the clutch too soon, I’m just very upset.” Too upset to find out exactly why, but whatever.
I’m not that devastated because no one was hurt and they’re going to prioritize my repair. Plus everyone felt REALLY bad and this is only my first visit so I won’t say the name of the dealership
Reminds me of that scene from Fight Club:
“What car company did you say you worked for?”
“A major one”
Yeah. It’s a BIG dealership. But we’ll see. And if you see an Asian guy peeling off at the green light in a rental black Civic this week, well... That’s me getting my money’s worth on my lease.
Sleep tight, bananas.
It was going to take about an hour so they gave me a pager. If you need some good times, page yo dealer, biatch! I said, tapping the contraption on my belt like it was 1996. More crickets.
ANYWAY... After leering at a pretty Persian perusing a Pilot (yes, I’m just showing off my alliteration skills) in the showroom, I went to sit down in the Honda-emblazoned armchair in their waiting room and got ready for my hour wait. After only 5 minutes of a Sonny With a Chance episode, the pager began vibrating... So I walked up to a guilty-looking service technician, who asked me to come to the back with him. He was contrite as a hooker in church, and could barely look me in the eye:
“We... Had a bit of an accident with your car”
“Gofuckyourself?”
“Excuse me?” He looked surprised. Not as surprised as me, since I don’t have Tourettes.
“I mean... What do you mean accident?” I asked.
We walked up to my car, which was under intense scrutiny by a few guys, including a deer-in-highlights young man wearing Honda overalls. Apparently he banged the front end of my car into the back wall, and service dude had a shitload of reasons: “Maybe he had it revving too high when he put it in first, maybe he let go of the clutch too soon, I’m just very upset.” Too upset to find out exactly why, but whatever.
I’m not that devastated because no one was hurt and they’re going to prioritize my repair. Plus everyone felt REALLY bad and this is only my first visit so I won’t say the name of the dealership
Reminds me of that scene from Fight Club:
“What car company did you say you worked for?”
“A major one”
Yeah. It’s a BIG dealership. But we’ll see. And if you see an Asian guy peeling off at the green light in a rental black Civic this week, well... That’s me getting my money’s worth on my lease.
Sleep tight, bananas.