I don't think she really did. I think she wanted to love him, but the longer they were together, the more obvious it became that he probably wasn't going to work out. Xander never should have sent her after Riley. He made her feel like this was her only chance at happiness with a man and she was throwing it away because said man was getting suck jobs from vamp whores. Yeah - what was she thinking? *growls* She was emotionally unavailable to Riley partly because of the feelings she still had for Angel, and partly because he was more what she thought she wanted than what she really wanted or needed. But Riley's behavior - first the suck jobs, and then the ultimatum when he should have been groveling for forgiveness - to me indicates she was better off with him out of her life.
I think Buffy thought she SHOULD love him. I think she wanted to love him (which is sort of the reverse of Spike where whatever she might feel, she didn't WANT to love him.) And if someone wants to convince me that she loved Riley in a friendly way, I'd buy it. But she was never IN love with Rileythe way she wanted to be, the way she wished she would, or the way she wanted to tell Angel that she was.
I think Buffy loved the idea of Riley. That he was normal and understood her calling. Yet, she was scared of hurting him so held back. Then when he had the chip removed, she babied him. She didn't want him going on patrol with her. He was what she thought she wanted and needed, but it wasn't right for either of them. When she needed his support over Glory, Dawn and her mother, he wasn't there really. He was more about his needs than hers. His jealousy of Angel, his need to be all manly and protect her, and he lost all of his self esteem when he found out about Maggie. He had lost his way and needed her to support his feelings and make it better. She had the world and her family to protect. She just wasn't able to give him what he needed so he sought it somewhere else. Then he couldn't even admit it was his problems, but put it all on her. Xander really wasn't being her friend when he advised her to go after Riley.
Interesting point about Xander. I've never thought of it that way. You're right--I guess he wasn't doing her any favors, he was just doing what he thought Riley wanted.
I think Xander always wanted Buffy and he saw Riley as an improved version of himself. I don't think anyone saw this relationship working out but Xander was more emotionally vested in the relationship than Buffy was. If Riley and Buffy broke up then there had never even been a chance between Xander and Buffy.
Interesting! While I don't go for the theory that Xander has always wanted Buffy, I do believe that he really liked Riley, and wanted it to work between Buffy and him because he wanted to keep Riley around.
I think Buffy loved Riley. My definition of love is pretty liberal, however. I don't think she felt the big, dramatic, die-without-him love, which is the brand he seemed to crave from her. But I'd put her somewhere around a "5" on the love spectrum, which ain't bad. I think a lot of happy couples are in a similar place, and with work and luck can make a go of it. Luck was against Buffy and Riley, as you might expect from a relationship that begins in an episode called "Doomed". Right from the beginning, there were fault lines. Riley was not the man Buffy thought he was - he was not reliable or supportive when the chips were down. That's what she needed, and IMO, had a right to expect from her romantic partner. But when her attention was diverted to the needs of her family, he bailed on every level
( ... )
I don't know. Buffy had gotten to know him pretty well, and she even says that she'd opened herself up to him in ways she never had with anyone else. I think that if the love wasn't already there, with them dating for a year and a half, it wasn't ever going to be there. She held back, definitely, and with good reason. She was afraid of getting hurt again.
Ah, but see, I DO think the love was there. I think love comes in all kinds of flavors, and Riley wanted a different flavor from the one Buffy was dishing out. It's still love, though.
I'm not a big believer in perfect love, or that love is always enough to make a relationship work. If I thought that, I wouldn't be a Spuffy shipper. Or a Spru shipper, either.
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Interesting! While I don't go for the theory that Xander has always wanted Buffy, I do believe that he really liked Riley, and wanted it to work between Buffy and him because he wanted to keep Riley around.
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I'm not a big believer in perfect love, or that love is always enough to make a relationship work. If I thought that, I wouldn't be a Spuffy shipper. Or a Spru shipper, either.
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