Love

[growing_wise]

I recently read this description of INTPs: "In love, you are an easy person to fall for, but not an easy person to stay in love with."

I have to admit that in my experience this is true.  Do you agree?  Why do you think it's so hard for people to stay in love with us?

Comments

[bluejuju]

"Though, it's like there's this fascination thing at first glance, and then after that - all the illusions are gone. The quirkiness is really just pedantry. That apparent intelligence - nothing but the sweet clutch of logic."

Agreed.

[bluejuju]

Interesting question. However, without some explanation of the logic behind that, it's hard to know what's going on. I don't think this statement is specific enough to get much out of it. Words pertaining to love tend to have very different meanings for people. Was this description written by an INTP, or someone who himself had become disenchanted with an INTP? That's the kind of thing that a lot of people might identify with when they read it, but it wouldn't be helpful in discerning an INTP from other types. Is there a little more context? Do you mind posting the source?

I guess that's sort of true for me, but I wouldn't have come up with it on my own. Many times I think I've hit it off with someone or that a closeness is developing with an acquaintance, and the next time I meet them they don't really want to have anything to do with me. However I have several very loyal friends and I'd like to think that those friendships require maintenance of mutual love.

[bluejuju]

Hmm, that quiz didn't contain the phase posted, but I did find this:

"The Thinker

You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.
Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.
Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.
A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.

In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But not an easy person to stay in love with.
Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative.

At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems.
You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded

When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic"

So it looks like the point they're trying to make is that INTPs are bad at making the other person feel loved and that gets old. I think that's pretty fair.

[orangecrush1189]

I've actually found it to be the opposite:\

[urbeatle]

Because although we think we're showing great amounts of affection and attention, from the viewpoint of other types, especially the extroverts, we "spock out" and spend a lot more time in our heads. When we are "with" other people, it's usually for conversation about ideas instead of about ourselves or our partners, which offends the Feeling types.

From our viewpoint, of course, we never fall out of love. We're loyal to the extreme. If we pair up with another INTP or with an INTJ, it will probably be a very long-lasting relationship. Other introverted types may work well, too, but teh F-types will be harder. It's mainly the extroverts that are going to feel we're not an easy person to stay in love with.

[daturaferoxx]

"Spock out." Priceless.

[invisibelle]

It fits me quite well, I'd say. In my last year of college I had no fewer than 4 different men fall in love with me. Only one of them lasted, heh, but 3.5 years later he's telling me that he finds it "exhausting" to argue with me even over relatively small things. I attribute this probably 95% to the INTP-related need for absolute precision. My need for particular things to be said and done in a precise manner when I'm pissed off is pretty counterintuitive for most people, I think.

I also agree with the above commenter that sometimes my S/Os have found it difficult to understand just how much time I need to spend alone.

[growing_wise]

"Only one of them lasted, heh, but 3.5 years later he's telling me that he finds it "exhausting" to argue with me even over relatively small things. I attribute this probably 95% to the INTP-related need for absolute precision. My need for particular things to be said and done in a precise manner when I'm pissed off is pretty counterintuitive for most people, I think."

Amazing. I'm the exact same way, and I'm going through this right now with my INFJ partner. She doesn't understand why I need to hear (and say) specific things. I feel like I have to surrender to the fact that I need so much precision, even though I hate it and I don't know how to make my partner understand this.

How do you deal with it?

[invisibelle]

We haven't figured out exactly how to deal with it yet, we're going through it right now as well (and are about to get engaged and buy a house together and scary things like that). He's an ENFJ so he REALLY does not get it at all.

I have basically told him, "this is how I am, it's not something I like about myself, but I can't change it. if I try to get around it, it will just drive me crazy." I've also told him that he can eventually learn to manipulate me (which I don't mind if it leads to me being angry for less time), because to me it just seems like if he could learn to do Step A, Step B, and Step C, then an argument could be over pretty quickly. (Provided he is willing to admit I'm right. haha.) He has accepted that, but has yet to learn steps A-C (so to speak).

[happyhijabi]

A month late, but what the hey?

I think my husband is an ENFJ as well - and I am more of an ENTP, but can be introverted :-) but he doesn't get my lack of scheduling. They are the least Judging out of the "J"s though, so in a way they do get us... On and they are intuitive which is a plus. Lets just say life is interesting. I have to be the introvert in the relationship most of the time because when I am not whoa we clash. I can really be mean & really hurt his feelings inadvertantly. I have a habit of putting my feet in my mouth and my tongue can be razor sharp & I can be hyper critical.

:-(

Boo

I remember you from the Masala community - are you still with the Sikh guy?