Say I Love You Chapter 8.2 part 2
Title: Say I Love You
Author: jlrui
Beta-ed by: ranguren_chan
Pairing: UmiChii
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Umika decided to confess to Chinen but end up being rejected. She tried to move on but he didn't let her, and made her his girlfriend. Will Chinen manage to really love Umika and say "I love you" to her?
Chapter 8.2
Always On My Mind: A Chinen Side Story Part 2
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My first fight with Umika… Great! I mulled over this morning’s confrontation throughout the rest of the day and chuckled many times to myself. I never expected it to end that way after plotting the details carefully.
The fight really bothered me in ways that I had yet to comprehend in my, all honesty, limited understanding of relationships with the opposite sex. I dragged myself over to dance rehearsals after classes. This morning’s little drama spectacle kept replaying in my head and I was quite unfocused in the practices. I ended up being scolded by our dance instructor. Yama-chan was quite annoyed by it because he too got scolded by the instructor because we kept repeating a segment in the dance where it required us to be in-synch with each other. And the instructor this time was quite merciless and would tell us to repeat the entire dance routine from the beginning if one of us slacked off a bit in our movements or was the slightest bit off with the timings. My absentmindedness was even starting to make Takaki-kun and Keito look good with their dancing.
When we finally had a break from all the rigorous dancing, I apologized to Yama-chan.
“Gomen, Yama-chan. There’s just a lot on my mind right now.” At the back of my mind, I was already debating whether to call her first and apologize or wait for her to call me but still end up apologizing to her first.
He sort of expected this because his reply really surprised me, “You’re really bothered by that fight you had with Umika earlier, right?” Odebu-chan might look aloof to most people but he can be perceptive. He more or less knew that this would happen and I was already beginning to think that he isn’t really asleep in class most of the time.
I merely sighed back in response to this remembering how petty and stupid my reasons were for getting mad at her in the first place. I was jealous. The words wailed like a siren in my head.
“It’s not about that,” I lied through my teeth on this one. Gomen, Yama-chan, I thought.
“Eh?!” Of course, he’d react in utter disbelief. But I wanted to keep things to my chest if only for a little while longer.
When I got home, my head was still debating with my heart. The most logical thing to do would be to apologize. I kept flipping open and then closing my phone. Open. Close. Open. Close. I did that for quite some time contemplating on my sudden concern of how I would appear to Umika. I usually didn’t care what other people think but it was Umika that got me to thinking that maybe I should start looking more closely at myself. I was wondering what she found desirable in me in the first place. I was having a headache going over the events of the day and what I would be doing the following day to make amends.
I ended up not calling her at all. She didn’t call me either. My ego got in the way. And yet I took special pride in the simple fact that she chose me over the rest. So… how do I fix this?
I curled up on my bed waiting for the answer. I never got it as sleep overtook me.
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I woke up early the next day and went to school wishing that yesterday’s fight was almost a distant memory. I found the classroom still empty. I proceeded to my seat, sat down and instinctively prepared my things for class. I was indeed quite early. A sigh escaped me as I remembered last night’s brainstorming and that I still had no strategy with how to go about with my planned apology. To make matters worse, she came in a few minutes after I had settled down on my desk: I was resting my head on my left palm thinking of a proper apology when the door slid aside to reveal the object of my current anguish and last-minute brainstorming. She froze at the sight of me registering also the fact that it was just the two of us in the classroom. She quickly broke away from my gaze, looking down on her feet as she quickly made her way to the seat beside me.
I chose to greet her as she zipped by me. “Ohayō. You’re early.” But it didn’t come out right. I had said it rather coldly. I slapped my inner self for failing to use the proper tone this time.
To my relief, she replied, “Ohayō. I woke up early today.”
It was a good start but the atmosphere over the two of us soon reverted to the awkwardness that we had yesterday. I was still resting my head on my hand thinking of a strategy while sneaking glances at her. She did the same thing I did earlier and was soon done with the preparations in a few minutes. Apparently, she couldn’t stand this lingering awkwardness between us and finally stood up after putting her things in order. She stretched a bit before sliding back her seat into her desk. I pretended to be disinterested and looked as if I was daydreaming. I could feel that she was dead-set in leaving the room.
And I was right - she was indeed leaving the room. I panicked.
She was already halfway to the rear door when I finally found the courage to set aside my pride and begin what I had set out to do since yesterday.
“An-no… gomen,” I uttered the words, almost like a whisper. Both my hands were on my desk and were grasping the edge of table for some measure of stability as I think they were a bit shaking.
Fortunately for me, it was enough to stop her in her tracks and make her turn around to face me.
“What did you say?” She asked, her voice was almost a whisper too. She had ‘disbelief’ written all over her face.
I turned to face her and held my gaze at her with sincere eyes saying, “I said I’m sorry about yesterday.”
I swallowed whatever pride I still had left in me before I said those words. I couldn’t take another day of her being always on my mind. I just wanted it to be back how we were before the confession - just being friends.
“Ah, that. It’s okay I guess,” she replied finally holding back my gaze with a smile. “Well, as long as you’re really sorry about it.” I was happy at the sight of her warm expression, having missed it for close to two weeks now. I don’t think she knows how much I missed this after being ignored for quite some time now. I was also relieved to hear those words. If she was angry from that time, those emotions did not linger in her now or else she would have gotten back at me when I said sorry earlier. It felt good to be alive these past few minutes and I smiled back at her.
“I am. Really,” I reaffirmed what I had said earlier. “So… can you please stay here then?” It was a request and I wanted to take more concrete steps to rebuilding our friendship. She nodded and granted it with a smile and walked back to the desk by the window and took her seat.
I was making progress. No, scratch that: WE were making progress.
She said that she’d stay but she then dropped that bomb of a question on me. It was the very question that I was afraid she’d ask me. She was asking me why I had bothered asking the questions in our little argument yesterday when I knew fully-well that most of the dramas that she have been involved with of late have required her to play some romantic roles.
I was fumbling for a reply. I replied as best as I could, explaining away that maybe it was because that Ryu was starring with her this time. I knew that it sounded lame. She did have the same circumstances in that movie she starred with Jingi after all. I heard my phone’s soft ringtone and promptly took it out to see who it was. It was Yuto texting me that he was on his way to school. He was apologizing that he couldn’t wake up early this time. I think he already realized that I went ahead and was in school by now. I didn’t want to appear rude by replying in the middle of our conversation so I quickly pocketed the phone. I wanted to be alone with Umika if only for a bit longer. Plus, I found myself cornered by that question so I was left with no choice but to say what was on my mind at that moment.
“And besides, that was the only way I could get your attention.” The words came out, almost a whisper.
If I had been still sane at that moment, I wouldn’t have blurted out those words. But I was desperate as I was back then. I admit that I wanted to be with her despite all that preaching I did when she confessed to me. I sat back, trying to relax. I had said it. It seemed quite a relief to say that out loud. If she didn’t find that answer satisfactory, I don’t know what else could possibly make me come back into her good graces.
She suddenly became quiet and it took a bit of courage just to face her and see her reaction. I slowly turned to face her. She was slightly bending over, a stray bang had begun to fall down over an eye and cheek, a few seconds later, her entire right mane followed suit, effectively obscuring the right side of her face from me like a natural veil.
Her next remarks vindicated what Yama-chan had told me a day ago: She was trying to move on.
I did my best to salvage the situation and perhaps the feelings that I thought I threw aside when I rejected her confession. She had equated her rejection as a wake-up call but had continued to think of me… and love me these past few days despite the awkward tension between the two of us.
I couldn’t possibly compete with that. And if I didn’t do anything in the next few seconds, I think I’d lose her all the more. I don’t recall much of what happened but I was sure that my heart was doing the speaking instead of my head.
“What if I told you that I don’t want to stop?” She was slightly bewildered by that proposal but I wasn’t finished yet. It was then that I noticed that she was crying a bit.
“I don’t want to stop caring about you, Umika. Please don’t let me stop caring for you.” I didn’t know where I was channelling all these from but I meant every single word. But it wasn’t enough. She was still convinced that I had been right at that time when here I was trying my best to sort out my feelings for her.
“Let me at least try to love you, Umika. I know I’m a little bit confused as to what I’m feeling right now but what I know for sure is that my feelings for you are more than I can give to just a friend.” Her eyes went wide at hearing the words. She looked shock but I wanted to explain my feelings to her as best as I could.
“Let’s be together but not publicly together… more like secretly together,” I went on and extended the same offer to her just as she did with her confession to me. I would be so dead if anyone from Johnny’s management knew about this. I could not deny my feelings now. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me.
She couldn’t believe what I just did. For second there, I thought I would end up like her… getting rejected and all. But I had to make this work now that I put us both in this situation.
“Well, believe it, okay?! So what’s your answer: yes or no?” The ball was in her court now. She was quite unsure at this turn of events but I wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer so I ploughed on, “If you don’t answer in ten seconds, I’ll take it as a yes,” I smiled and began to time her with my wristwatch.
I counted down the numbers. Slowly. Not wanting to press her into such a one-sided bargain. In all honesty, I didn’t know what I’d do if she was the one who declined this time. She was already half-panicking and half-flailing with excitement by the time I reached ‘six’. She gave me the ‘yes’ at ‘seven’ - I was actually relieved to hear her say it but I think my face was frozen in a smile the whole time so I’m sure that she didn’t notice that I also found the countdown to be nerve-wracking on my part.
I was happy that we were back to being friends albeit ‘closer’ than the usual, of course. I told her that I’d call her tonight because I couldn’t walk her home. I took out my phone and quickly snapped a candid photo of her now half-smiling, half-shocked face. I declared to her that I’d make the snapshot a screensaver in my phone. Making it the wallpaper would have been instantly noticeable and I intended this secret to last for as long as we could both possibly keep.
She sort of protested why I was making her photo a screensaver. I reassured her that it was for the best and that I would be the only one to ever view this photo of her. Like some antique keepsake.
“You really get what you want, do you?” She had asked me, somewhat overwhelmed by the attention I was giving her in the last half hour.
I replied with a rather debonair smile, “Yup, I do! What Chinen wants Chinen gets.” And we laughed it off.
After awhile someone came into the room. It was Yuto.
“Ohayō!” He was greeting no one in particular. But we both greeted him back and we went back to being seatmates. Yuto was a bit out of breath when he came in but he wasted no time and quickly prepared his things for the first subject. Little by little, the rest of the class came in after him. Yama-chan usually arrived with Ryu, Jingi and… Mirai. No surprise there. And he was always reading something. He was clutching that Korean phrasebook that he had bought a couple of months back.
Umika and I didn’t get to talk much when classes started. I guess I was used to her ignoring me for close to two weeks that it sort of didn’t bother me that she didn’t talk to me even after we’ve patched things up. But we did exchange a couple of glances in secret throughout the day.
I had a good day and a photo to prove just how special it was. I was happy that Umika and I were on speaking terms again even if the reason behind it included more than a pledge of just being friends.
Note from the Writers:
We hope you like this chapter. This chapter-segment is just the second of a few more Chinen-centric POV stories planned for SILY. We’ll try writing a chapter that involves switching between Umika’s and Chinen’s POV in one future chapter. We’d love to hear from you more especially what you think about this first batch of Chinen POV stories for an UmiChii fic. Thanks and enjoy the fic.