Say I Love You Chapter 8.1
Title: Say I Love You
Author: jlrui
Beta-ed by: ranguren_chan
Pairing: UmiChii
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Umika decided to confess to Chinen but end up being rejected. She tried to move on but he didn't let her, and made her his girlfriend. Will Chinen manage to really love Umika and say "I love you" to her?
{C}{C}
This was already in the pipeline when I started drafting the fic and because you asked for it, ranguren-chan and I present to you the first of Chinen’s POV stories in “Say I Love You.”
(c) `strawberryparfait@purple-sashiin.blogspot.com
I have to admit: The day she confessed to me, I was unprepared. It sent me reeling into some emotional black hole. Almost like reeling from the effects of that earthquake and tsunami last March.
I couldn’t just go and be with her like she neatly outlined it for me. I couldn’t just destroy and throw away her career and mine for something her heart wants…
…what our hearts want.
But then again since when has the heart ever been rational?
Why did she even bother to tell me these things?
Argh! I know that she knows that this could ruin everything: our friendship, our being seatmates, our careers… Everything!
It was the first day of our senior year and as usual I was sitting on Yama-chan’s lap. Well, I’d grown quite nicely these past few years but it didn’t stop me from just draping my legs over his lap since he was busy with his bag. Back at the agency, Yama-chan is technically my kōhai. That’s why he’s my lapdog. The two of us and Yuto had been talking about being seniors and how Ryutaro is finally our kōhai. I feel rather sorry for him because he’s going to end up being bullied again like how he’s also bullied back at Johnny’s by us.
Or not! I playfully considered this while thinking what pranks we can play on him on his first year. It’s quite fun to tease Ryutaro since he’s the youngest in JUMP and it’s going to be interesting how he’s going to take it now that he’s in the same school as us. Yuto saw me grin mischievously while I was thinking this and being a nii-chan himself told us to lay-off a bit on teasing Ryutaro on his first year here in Horikoshi.
Yama-chan was still busy rummaging through his bag. He looked a bit worried - like how a student might have forgotten to pack something for school. A few seconds later his face lit up and was rewarded by a small Tupperware containing what was unmistakably his favourite fruit in the world. Well, I liked eating what Yama-chan eats since we basically eat similar dishes. I do have my gyoza to his ichigo after all. But it still didn’t stop me from grabbing a bite at one of his precious strawberries.
“Ne, Yama-chan, I want strawberry! Give me, give me one!” I suddenly lunged towards Yama-chan.
“No! This. Is. Mine!” He told me back defiantly, protecting the cache of that refreshing fruit snack like his life depended on it. Now you know why Yabu-kun and Hikaru-chan used to call him buta. Well, besides Ryutaro, it’s quite fun to tease this cute buta too. Try as I might my kawaii-ness couldn’t be used on him.
“O-ne-ga-i!” I pouted and punctuated every failed lunge and grab for his strawberries with a syllable, hoping he’d relent and finally give me one. Yuto merely watched at the sidelines wishing he had his camera to snap shots of this cute display of rivalry and friendship all for container full of strawberries.
Then somebody chose to barge in right in the middle of my siege of the Yamada-jō (Yamada castle).
“Excuse me, Chinen-kun. Can I talk to you for a while?”
All three of us turned to see who it was. A petite girl stood there carrying a notebook. It was one of my class’ beauties - one of the few in the class that the boys affectionately labelled as a ‘hime.’ Never in a hundred years would I expect to be called out of the blue to talk with Kawashima Umika-san alone. Even Yuto was gallant enough to stand up and make room for her into our little gang circle.
Alone! What could the Umika-hime want to talk about with a guy like me?
You’d never realize that she used to be the same girl who got labelled as “KY” by the class a few years back. She looked nervous and I noticed a slight blush was slowly building up from her neck to her face. I was already debating on how best to lighten the mood a bit since Kawashima-san interrupted one of our little childish plays. My butt was already on Yamada’s lap in my struggle to get at least one strawberry from him. We did look like a couple of brats in a sandbox. But to our fans in would be another display of YamaChii fanservice. The Siege of Yamada castle for its strawberry stocks has to be put off for another time.
“Yeah. Sure, Umika-chan,” I answered while trying to grin back at the same time. It was hard to be on first name basis with someone you’re not really that close with. But our class decided to be less formal with each other from the get-go on our first year here.
Yuto and Yamada both had blank expressions on their faces wondering what Kawashima Umika would want to talk about with me of all people. We’ve hardly exchanged more than greetings in class. I only spoke to her when only spoken to. Yuto was better at dealing with girls since he became class prefect. You could say that Yama-chan and I were quite far from how he dealt with our female fans in concerts. You’d be surprised at the gap we have with our performing selves.
Before I got myself off from Yama-chan’s lap, he whispered into my left ear, “Be careful with that tongue of yours.”
“H-h-hai,” I was surprised that my voice suddenly became softer and went into a bit of a stammer. He reminded me that I had a dark gift: an acid tongue and I could be blunt without even trying to.
My heart was racing a bit as I raised myself to my full height and patted down the sides of my blazer a bit getting rid of some creases here and there. When I was done, I turned to look at her noticing for the first time that I was just a few inches taller than her. All these years and I’m just a few inches taller from one of the class’ shortest girls.
“Can we talk somewhere else?” She requested as she pointed out with her eyes that my two friends were pretending that they were not there. Yuto had already got out his phone and was pretending to type something on it while Yamada had quickly tucked in the strawberry-filled container and had already taken out his Korean language phrasebook and pretending to read it. Apparently, Kawashima-san was quick on the uptake and had quickly seen through their pretending since Yuto and Yama-chan were hilariously failing in hiding their furtive glances from the two of us.
“I understand. Lead the way,” I replied trying not to laugh at the two guy’s attempts to listen in on our conversation. Her expression seemed to lighten up a bit as her eyes were dancing and glancing awkwardly back at me but in a very cute way. She was also trying not to laugh at my two friends’ failed attempts to be inconspicuous.
She was even gracious enough to say, “Gomen ne, guys. I’ll just borrow Chinen-kun for a few minutes.” She did this with a quick little bow to my friends leaving them to also fumble for replies on their own.
“It’s okay, Umika. Just take your time,” was Yuto’s more dignifying reply.
Yama-chan who didn’t usually speak his mind out was quick to blurt, “Just tell us if he’s being a brat and annoying you, Umika.”
I glared at him. My expression all askew as if asking him, What the heck?!
He merely glared back and both he and Yuto gave little waves to our retreating forms.
I let Kawashima-san walk out first instead of leaving together since I didn’t want people to get the wrong impression especially with the ‘Big Brother’ cameras lurking about in the corners and even in our rooms. I didn’t give up on the strawberries yet. I mouthed back to Yama-chan the syllables “I-CHI-GO.” He merely stuck his tongue out at me.
I followed Kawashima-san all the way to the library while maintaining some distance between the two of us. Her trail led to the library.
What could she possibly want to discuss in the library? I thought. Maybe she wanted some help on some maths lesson. She could have asked Shida-san for that but maybe she didn’t want to disturb her.
I waited a few minutes before entering the library myself. It was relatively empty at this hour save for the librarian who was too busy logging in the returned books to take note of our entering the library.
It wasn’t that hard to find her though I admit that it was like being led into a labyrinth. She led me into the most isolated part of the library where the CCTV cameras couldn’t see us entering, exiting and talking with just the two of us in that area. Kawashima-san was starting to creep me out a bit. She was very precise in signalling to me which shelves to pass through. It was like a game of cat and mouse only we weren’t chasing each other. I understood all too well why she was doing this. She was serious about her career and didn’t want to jeopardize hers and mine as well, hence all the precautions.
When she disappeared around the corner, I took my own share of precautions glancing left and right just in case she missed some people who might have moved into this part of the library. Satisfied that no one else was in the area; I quickly walked and rounded the corner to where Kawashima-san disappeared into.
I almost bumped into her since she was probably worried why I was taking long to follow her and was most likely about to check the corner when I rounded the shelf. She merely let out a surprised ‘kya’ which I quickly covered with my left hand while grabbing her right arm with my other free hand helping to steady her as she seemed almost about to trip over backwards in trying to avoid bumping into me. I had touched her upon instinct and I could already feel my face turn red. She was even redder. But I was also quite conscious of what led us into this situation in the first place. I let go of her while placing my left index finger in front of my closed lips. I released my hold on her with the other hand and slowly checked the corner of the shelf and listened to any sound or footsteps heading our way. Convinced that no one heard her cry, I turned to look at the girl who led me out here for an unknown reason and under rather risky circumstances.
Kawashima-san was looking demure and all that I couldn’t bombard her with questions why we had to do all this, as referred to in American and English spy movies, cloak and dagger stuff. She merely whispered a barely audible, “Gomenasai.”
Not one to wait after having had close calls, I asked in hushed tones, “So what did you want to talk to me about, Umika-chan?”
What followed next was catastrophic. Deep down in my gut I knew that there were the tell-tale signs of it from the moment she asked me to come to the library to talk in private. I didn’t really think that Kawashima-san was the type to follow such traditions, let alone, make a confession under such circumstances.
A confession! My heart sank when I replayed her words in my head. At first I thought that she’d take out a love confession letter from that notebook she was holding but she was just merely carrying it for appearances only. The confession came from her own mouth. I didn’t know what to say. I thought she knew better than to do this but she did it anyway.
But some part of me also admired her for this. It was quite brave of her to do this. I would never have the guts to confess to the person I like anytime soon. I too, like any other teenage boy, had been nursing a crush on her since our first year here in Horikoshi but our statuses as idols was enough to bury those feelings for the next three years.
And now those feelings have resurfaced.
Her head had been bowed to me for almost a minute now. She had just confessed to me and was awaiting an answer. I didn’t know what to say at first but I also thought about the words that were currently racing through my head and how my answer would affect our careers and friendship. I wonder if Takaki-kun went through the same thing a few years back with Kato-san… although he neither did confirm nor deny their relationship. And out of respect, the rest of us at JUMP never talked about it. Management had declared it a taboo topic among us at JUMP. If everything were true, it sure didn’t end well. And now I surely didn’t want to follow that same path for both of us so I considered the only logical course of action to take:
I declined her feelings for me in the most delicate and gentle way possible.
“Arigatō, Umika-chan,” I began. This time there was more conviction in how I said her name. I was finally happy and sad at the same time to be able to say that name with conviction. The next few words would probably hurt her more than it would hurt me but I had to continue for both our sakes.
“Demo, I don’t think I can give you the answer you want. Gomenasai.”
This is the right thing to do, ne?
This is what’s best for the both of us.
But why does it feel so wrong.
I was analyzing the drama slowly unfolding between the two of us. I knew she’d start crying next but even that knowledge didn’t prepare me for it.
“Umika,” I said approaching her, my hands unsure of what to do, hoping to reassure her that my answer was for the best but I think I’m hurting her more right now.
“Ah, it’s okay, Chinen-kun. I understand. I mean… I really knew this was coming. Gomen, I think some dust went into my eyes.” I stopped short in trying to take hold of her and comforting her right then and there. She was quite brave and strong to be able to still laugh it off and wipe what few tears that were trickling down her eyes.
“Ah, I see. Gomen,” I said without thinking. We stayed there for a few more minutes. A feeling of helplessness set in and the only thing I could do was keep her company in those few minutes until she chose to tell me that she didn’t want me anywhere near her.
Those last words never came.
It was her idea to go back to the classroom citing that people might start wondering where we disappeared to and why it was taking such a long time. I merely nodded as she led the way out of the library. I waited a few seconds and took another route out of the area and deliberately passed by the librarian on my way out of the library. She was still busy and didn’t give me so much as a greeting. I walked on, evaluating if I had truly made the right decision. I didn’t want to hurt her but I did.
She still waited for me a few paces ahead. When I had closed the door to the library, she looked back and nodded as we resumed walking towards our classroom separated by a few paces. Ahead of me, Umika was starting to read from her notebook and seemed like she was memorizing stuff from it. She wasn’t carrying that notebook for appearances after all. I kept myself busy by looking out at the window pretending to be interested in the boy’s PE class taking place below.
When we were nearing our classroom, she excused herself and said that she had to go to the comfort room. I merely nodded feeling more responsible for what she was going to be doing inside the comfort room.
I slowly opened the door to the classroom, a bit dazed from what had just happened. It slid aside wide enough to let me and Umika in but I forgot that Umika went to the washroom instead, possibly crying by now over what had happened between us. Shida Mirai looked up from what she was doing on her desk and looked like an alert deer from where I stood. I think she knew what happened between Umika and me. I felt even more depressed knowing this and partly responsible for what Umika was going through right now that I simply passed by where Yuto and Yama-chan were without saying a word. I sat on my seat. My head felt heavy and numb so I slumped on my seat hands dangling at my side. My right cheek found the slightly cold surface of the table first, my head facing in the direction of Umika’s seat.
She was my seatmate these past two years. And despite her wearing glasses these days, she always begged our advisor to never transfer her from that seat. I envied that seat by the window but never did I once envy the owner of that seat despite her being absent most of the time to attend to agency work. Over the last three years, she had become as busy as my group was with our concerts and TV appearances. This year alone, she’ll be putting us to shame with all the projects lined up exclusively for her over the next few months.
A few seats ahead, I could feel Mirai’s eyes trained on me, my scalp to be exact, and it didn’t surprise me that she left in a hurry.
Yama-chan and Yuto came over to my seat soon after Mirai’s rushed exit.
“Yo! So where’s Umika-chan? And why did Mirai left in such a hurry after seeing you like this?” I knew who it was without bothering to look up. Yama-chan and Mirai have an interesting history after all and I think odebu-chan here is as attracted to her just as she is attracted to him. But of course, they prioritized their careers over a teenage relationship.
Good for them.
What happened between me and Umika was unprecedented. No one, not even our agencies, could have seen that coming. And I simply did what was the right thing to do. For a price. It was a steep price to pay alright. I think I just lost a friend.
“I don’t know. I’m confused,” I replied rather tiredly, trying to feign innocence of what had transpired between me and her. They seemed to have grasped the atmosphere a bit and left me in that state. Although in the end, they were probably as confused as me.
--
As you can see this is a Chinen's POV by me and ran-chan, and there still more to come more or like two more chapters of it i think before we continue on Umika's POV again... so the 12 chapters of SILY would probably be a lot more longer... hope you guys will like it.
Author: jlrui
Beta-ed by: ranguren_chan
Pairing: UmiChii
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Umika decided to confess to Chinen but end up being rejected. She tried to move on but he didn't let her, and made her his girlfriend. Will Chinen manage to really love Umika and say "I love you" to her?
{C}{C}
This was already in the pipeline when I started drafting the fic and because you asked for it, ranguren-chan and I present to you the first of Chinen’s POV stories in “Say I Love You.”
(c) `strawberryparfait@purple-sashiin.blogspot.com
I have to admit: The day she confessed to me, I was unprepared. It sent me reeling into some emotional black hole. Almost like reeling from the effects of that earthquake and tsunami last March.
I couldn’t just go and be with her like she neatly outlined it for me. I couldn’t just destroy and throw away her career and mine for something her heart wants…
…what our hearts want.
But then again since when has the heart ever been rational?
Why did she even bother to tell me these things?
Argh! I know that she knows that this could ruin everything: our friendship, our being seatmates, our careers… Everything!
It was the first day of our senior year and as usual I was sitting on Yama-chan’s lap. Well, I’d grown quite nicely these past few years but it didn’t stop me from just draping my legs over his lap since he was busy with his bag. Back at the agency, Yama-chan is technically my kōhai. That’s why he’s my lapdog. The two of us and Yuto had been talking about being seniors and how Ryutaro is finally our kōhai. I feel rather sorry for him because he’s going to end up being bullied again like how he’s also bullied back at Johnny’s by us.
Or not! I playfully considered this while thinking what pranks we can play on him on his first year. It’s quite fun to tease Ryutaro since he’s the youngest in JUMP and it’s going to be interesting how he’s going to take it now that he’s in the same school as us. Yuto saw me grin mischievously while I was thinking this and being a nii-chan himself told us to lay-off a bit on teasing Ryutaro on his first year here in Horikoshi.
Yama-chan was still busy rummaging through his bag. He looked a bit worried - like how a student might have forgotten to pack something for school. A few seconds later his face lit up and was rewarded by a small Tupperware containing what was unmistakably his favourite fruit in the world. Well, I liked eating what Yama-chan eats since we basically eat similar dishes. I do have my gyoza to his ichigo after all. But it still didn’t stop me from grabbing a bite at one of his precious strawberries.
“Ne, Yama-chan, I want strawberry! Give me, give me one!” I suddenly lunged towards Yama-chan.
“No! This. Is. Mine!” He told me back defiantly, protecting the cache of that refreshing fruit snack like his life depended on it. Now you know why Yabu-kun and Hikaru-chan used to call him buta. Well, besides Ryutaro, it’s quite fun to tease this cute buta too. Try as I might my kawaii-ness couldn’t be used on him.
“O-ne-ga-i!” I pouted and punctuated every failed lunge and grab for his strawberries with a syllable, hoping he’d relent and finally give me one. Yuto merely watched at the sidelines wishing he had his camera to snap shots of this cute display of rivalry and friendship all for container full of strawberries.
Then somebody chose to barge in right in the middle of my siege of the Yamada-jō (Yamada castle).
“Excuse me, Chinen-kun. Can I talk to you for a while?”
All three of us turned to see who it was. A petite girl stood there carrying a notebook. It was one of my class’ beauties - one of the few in the class that the boys affectionately labelled as a ‘hime.’ Never in a hundred years would I expect to be called out of the blue to talk with Kawashima Umika-san alone. Even Yuto was gallant enough to stand up and make room for her into our little gang circle.
Alone! What could the Umika-hime want to talk about with a guy like me?
You’d never realize that she used to be the same girl who got labelled as “KY” by the class a few years back. She looked nervous and I noticed a slight blush was slowly building up from her neck to her face. I was already debating on how best to lighten the mood a bit since Kawashima-san interrupted one of our little childish plays. My butt was already on Yamada’s lap in my struggle to get at least one strawberry from him. We did look like a couple of brats in a sandbox. But to our fans in would be another display of YamaChii fanservice. The Siege of Yamada castle for its strawberry stocks has to be put off for another time.
“Yeah. Sure, Umika-chan,” I answered while trying to grin back at the same time. It was hard to be on first name basis with someone you’re not really that close with. But our class decided to be less formal with each other from the get-go on our first year here.
Yuto and Yamada both had blank expressions on their faces wondering what Kawashima Umika would want to talk about with me of all people. We’ve hardly exchanged more than greetings in class. I only spoke to her when only spoken to. Yuto was better at dealing with girls since he became class prefect. You could say that Yama-chan and I were quite far from how he dealt with our female fans in concerts. You’d be surprised at the gap we have with our performing selves.
Before I got myself off from Yama-chan’s lap, he whispered into my left ear, “Be careful with that tongue of yours.”
“H-h-hai,” I was surprised that my voice suddenly became softer and went into a bit of a stammer. He reminded me that I had a dark gift: an acid tongue and I could be blunt without even trying to.
My heart was racing a bit as I raised myself to my full height and patted down the sides of my blazer a bit getting rid of some creases here and there. When I was done, I turned to look at her noticing for the first time that I was just a few inches taller than her. All these years and I’m just a few inches taller from one of the class’ shortest girls.
“Can we talk somewhere else?” She requested as she pointed out with her eyes that my two friends were pretending that they were not there. Yuto had already got out his phone and was pretending to type something on it while Yamada had quickly tucked in the strawberry-filled container and had already taken out his Korean language phrasebook and pretending to read it. Apparently, Kawashima-san was quick on the uptake and had quickly seen through their pretending since Yuto and Yama-chan were hilariously failing in hiding their furtive glances from the two of us.
“I understand. Lead the way,” I replied trying not to laugh at the two guy’s attempts to listen in on our conversation. Her expression seemed to lighten up a bit as her eyes were dancing and glancing awkwardly back at me but in a very cute way. She was also trying not to laugh at my two friends’ failed attempts to be inconspicuous.
She was even gracious enough to say, “Gomen ne, guys. I’ll just borrow Chinen-kun for a few minutes.” She did this with a quick little bow to my friends leaving them to also fumble for replies on their own.
“It’s okay, Umika. Just take your time,” was Yuto’s more dignifying reply.
Yama-chan who didn’t usually speak his mind out was quick to blurt, “Just tell us if he’s being a brat and annoying you, Umika.”
I glared at him. My expression all askew as if asking him, What the heck?!
He merely glared back and both he and Yuto gave little waves to our retreating forms.
I let Kawashima-san walk out first instead of leaving together since I didn’t want people to get the wrong impression especially with the ‘Big Brother’ cameras lurking about in the corners and even in our rooms. I didn’t give up on the strawberries yet. I mouthed back to Yama-chan the syllables “I-CHI-GO.” He merely stuck his tongue out at me.
I followed Kawashima-san all the way to the library while maintaining some distance between the two of us. Her trail led to the library.
What could she possibly want to discuss in the library? I thought. Maybe she wanted some help on some maths lesson. She could have asked Shida-san for that but maybe she didn’t want to disturb her.
I waited a few minutes before entering the library myself. It was relatively empty at this hour save for the librarian who was too busy logging in the returned books to take note of our entering the library.
It wasn’t that hard to find her though I admit that it was like being led into a labyrinth. She led me into the most isolated part of the library where the CCTV cameras couldn’t see us entering, exiting and talking with just the two of us in that area. Kawashima-san was starting to creep me out a bit. She was very precise in signalling to me which shelves to pass through. It was like a game of cat and mouse only we weren’t chasing each other. I understood all too well why she was doing this. She was serious about her career and didn’t want to jeopardize hers and mine as well, hence all the precautions.
When she disappeared around the corner, I took my own share of precautions glancing left and right just in case she missed some people who might have moved into this part of the library. Satisfied that no one else was in the area; I quickly walked and rounded the corner to where Kawashima-san disappeared into.
I almost bumped into her since she was probably worried why I was taking long to follow her and was most likely about to check the corner when I rounded the shelf. She merely let out a surprised ‘kya’ which I quickly covered with my left hand while grabbing her right arm with my other free hand helping to steady her as she seemed almost about to trip over backwards in trying to avoid bumping into me. I had touched her upon instinct and I could already feel my face turn red. She was even redder. But I was also quite conscious of what led us into this situation in the first place. I let go of her while placing my left index finger in front of my closed lips. I released my hold on her with the other hand and slowly checked the corner of the shelf and listened to any sound or footsteps heading our way. Convinced that no one heard her cry, I turned to look at the girl who led me out here for an unknown reason and under rather risky circumstances.
Kawashima-san was looking demure and all that I couldn’t bombard her with questions why we had to do all this, as referred to in American and English spy movies, cloak and dagger stuff. She merely whispered a barely audible, “Gomenasai.”
Not one to wait after having had close calls, I asked in hushed tones, “So what did you want to talk to me about, Umika-chan?”
What followed next was catastrophic. Deep down in my gut I knew that there were the tell-tale signs of it from the moment she asked me to come to the library to talk in private. I didn’t really think that Kawashima-san was the type to follow such traditions, let alone, make a confession under such circumstances.
A confession! My heart sank when I replayed her words in my head. At first I thought that she’d take out a love confession letter from that notebook she was holding but she was just merely carrying it for appearances only. The confession came from her own mouth. I didn’t know what to say. I thought she knew better than to do this but she did it anyway.
But some part of me also admired her for this. It was quite brave of her to do this. I would never have the guts to confess to the person I like anytime soon. I too, like any other teenage boy, had been nursing a crush on her since our first year here in Horikoshi but our statuses as idols was enough to bury those feelings for the next three years.
And now those feelings have resurfaced.
Her head had been bowed to me for almost a minute now. She had just confessed to me and was awaiting an answer. I didn’t know what to say at first but I also thought about the words that were currently racing through my head and how my answer would affect our careers and friendship. I wonder if Takaki-kun went through the same thing a few years back with Kato-san… although he neither did confirm nor deny their relationship. And out of respect, the rest of us at JUMP never talked about it. Management had declared it a taboo topic among us at JUMP. If everything were true, it sure didn’t end well. And now I surely didn’t want to follow that same path for both of us so I considered the only logical course of action to take:
I declined her feelings for me in the most delicate and gentle way possible.
“Arigatō, Umika-chan,” I began. This time there was more conviction in how I said her name. I was finally happy and sad at the same time to be able to say that name with conviction. The next few words would probably hurt her more than it would hurt me but I had to continue for both our sakes.
“Demo, I don’t think I can give you the answer you want. Gomenasai.”
This is the right thing to do, ne?
This is what’s best for the both of us.
But why does it feel so wrong.
I was analyzing the drama slowly unfolding between the two of us. I knew she’d start crying next but even that knowledge didn’t prepare me for it.
“Umika,” I said approaching her, my hands unsure of what to do, hoping to reassure her that my answer was for the best but I think I’m hurting her more right now.
“Ah, it’s okay, Chinen-kun. I understand. I mean… I really knew this was coming. Gomen, I think some dust went into my eyes.” I stopped short in trying to take hold of her and comforting her right then and there. She was quite brave and strong to be able to still laugh it off and wipe what few tears that were trickling down her eyes.
“Ah, I see. Gomen,” I said without thinking. We stayed there for a few more minutes. A feeling of helplessness set in and the only thing I could do was keep her company in those few minutes until she chose to tell me that she didn’t want me anywhere near her.
Those last words never came.
It was her idea to go back to the classroom citing that people might start wondering where we disappeared to and why it was taking such a long time. I merely nodded as she led the way out of the library. I waited a few seconds and took another route out of the area and deliberately passed by the librarian on my way out of the library. She was still busy and didn’t give me so much as a greeting. I walked on, evaluating if I had truly made the right decision. I didn’t want to hurt her but I did.
She still waited for me a few paces ahead. When I had closed the door to the library, she looked back and nodded as we resumed walking towards our classroom separated by a few paces. Ahead of me, Umika was starting to read from her notebook and seemed like she was memorizing stuff from it. She wasn’t carrying that notebook for appearances after all. I kept myself busy by looking out at the window pretending to be interested in the boy’s PE class taking place below.
When we were nearing our classroom, she excused herself and said that she had to go to the comfort room. I merely nodded feeling more responsible for what she was going to be doing inside the comfort room.
I slowly opened the door to the classroom, a bit dazed from what had just happened. It slid aside wide enough to let me and Umika in but I forgot that Umika went to the washroom instead, possibly crying by now over what had happened between us. Shida Mirai looked up from what she was doing on her desk and looked like an alert deer from where I stood. I think she knew what happened between Umika and me. I felt even more depressed knowing this and partly responsible for what Umika was going through right now that I simply passed by where Yuto and Yama-chan were without saying a word. I sat on my seat. My head felt heavy and numb so I slumped on my seat hands dangling at my side. My right cheek found the slightly cold surface of the table first, my head facing in the direction of Umika’s seat.
She was my seatmate these past two years. And despite her wearing glasses these days, she always begged our advisor to never transfer her from that seat. I envied that seat by the window but never did I once envy the owner of that seat despite her being absent most of the time to attend to agency work. Over the last three years, she had become as busy as my group was with our concerts and TV appearances. This year alone, she’ll be putting us to shame with all the projects lined up exclusively for her over the next few months.
A few seats ahead, I could feel Mirai’s eyes trained on me, my scalp to be exact, and it didn’t surprise me that she left in a hurry.
Yama-chan and Yuto came over to my seat soon after Mirai’s rushed exit.
“Yo! So where’s Umika-chan? And why did Mirai left in such a hurry after seeing you like this?” I knew who it was without bothering to look up. Yama-chan and Mirai have an interesting history after all and I think odebu-chan here is as attracted to her just as she is attracted to him. But of course, they prioritized their careers over a teenage relationship.
Good for them.
What happened between me and Umika was unprecedented. No one, not even our agencies, could have seen that coming. And I simply did what was the right thing to do. For a price. It was a steep price to pay alright. I think I just lost a friend.
“I don’t know. I’m confused,” I replied rather tiredly, trying to feign innocence of what had transpired between me and her. They seemed to have grasped the atmosphere a bit and left me in that state. Although in the end, they were probably as confused as me.
--
As you can see this is a Chinen's POV by me and ran-chan, and there still more to come more or like two more chapters of it i think before we continue on Umika's POV again... so the 12 chapters of SILY would probably be a lot more longer... hope you guys will like it.