Say I Love You chapter 7
Title: Say I Love You
Author: jlrui
Beta-ed by: ranguren_chan
Pairing: UmiChii
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Umika decided to confess to Chinen but end up being rejected. She tried to move on but he didn't let her, and made her his girlfriend. Will Chinen manage to really love Umika and say "I love you" to her?
(c) `strawberryparfait and purple-sashiin.blogspot.com
*Say I Love You*
Chapter 7
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I didn’t go to school the next day. Surprisingly, Mom got worried. I think she was also feeling guilty for leaving me home alone again last night when she and dad promised to be home waiting for me. I merely told her that I didn’t feel well and I guess she believed me well enough to not make a big fuzz about it and call for a doctor.
I heard a faint knock on the door of my room. It swung open afterwards to reveal my mom who came in with a tray containing okayu (porridge) and a glass of water.
“Umika, you need to eat something or else you won’t get well soon,” she said as she put down the tray on the low table near my bed.
A soft “mm-hmm” was my reply. It proved satisfactory enough as she left the room almost instantly after hearing my muffled response.
My ‘sickness’ was not the type that would either allow me to get well fast enough or allow me to recover completely from it anytime soon. I was hurting in another way. My heart was still in pieces and I don’t even know if I can put it back to how it was before I laid eyes, became attracted, and subsequently had feelings for the opposite sex. A woman’s intuition would have easily discovered that but I guess my mom was basically on a one-tracked mind at that time and had to focus on her work for the day.
Three days passed by uneventfully. My parents apparently chalked up my solitude to overwork and stress. I was wondering what the agency was preparing for 9nine in the next few months. They’ve been strangely silent and had not called for almost three weeks. As I recall, I did some auditions for some upcoming drama projects besides the one with Kamiki-kun. I think I nailed another or two more drama roles this year. But even if I nailed those roles, management would still advise me on which projects to go for. But in the last two years, the final decision was left to me. I think they were starting to give me some rein over my project choices besides keeping up appearances with 9nine.
The only work-related item that cropped up in the last few days was a scheduled photo shoot for a magazine and some promotional ads for that upcoming drama I was going to be starring in together with Kamiki-kun, Ito-san and Matsuoka-san. Mom told all of them that I was sick and that I
was making good use of the three days resting.
My agency naturally understood the situation and even gave me a get-well soon bouquet and a card to boot. My adviser even dropped by today to check up on me and leaving a small stack of papers that were the schoolwork that I had missed. Upon seeing those papers, I moaned inwardly knowing why my predicament could only lead to more hassles in the days to come. She even voiced some of my classmates’ concern for my rather prolonged absence. I was grateful for their concern but I simply wanted to be alone.
I needed to be alone. I even turned off my phone since that night.
.
The events of day four of my self-imposed exile hardly bothered me: my mom told me the following day that she and dad would be leaving for another business trip for the weekend.
“Honey, are you sure you’re okay on your own? Because I could always stay and let dad go on the trip instead.” She asked. There was some measure of concern in her query but it didn’t register much with me. I was already used to coming home without my parents in it for the last few years. All their hard work and absence certainly helped me attend the best schools and helped me polish my talents along the way but I was no latchkey child for long. I soon got caught up with the entertainment industry. The work of an
idol was no mean feat and it helped me make use of my time wisely.
“I’m going to be fine. Now go or you’re gonna be late!” I gave them my best reassuring smile as they left the house. I don’t even know if they realized how dead to the world my eyes were.
I found myself going for the couch and let gravity take hold of me from there. I was still in my pjs. I took the remote and switched on the TV. It was the first time in days that I watched television ever since that
night.
I flicked on to several channels and settled on watching the entertainment news of a popular talk show. Then that promotional ad with the cast for that new drama I was starring in came up and for a second I thought that they’d report about my absence in that ad. I was so relieved that the hosts didn’t even wonder why I wasn’t with the rest of the cast promoting the drama.
“Arigatō!” I was thinking out loud and unconsciously blurted the word out to myself. I guess I have to thank my agency for that. I mentally took note of it and was soon flicking onto other channels. Strangely enough, I still don’t want to know what other people are talking about the idol me. I still haven’t gotten used to it as most of my senpai in my agency are like experts at deflecting intrigue and controversy and even gracious at admitting mistakes.
Without really a particular channel in mind, I eventually settled on the NHK channel where a program was just giving out its trademark introductory performances. I froze in my seat and glanced at the TV clock on display. I completely forgot that today was the time slot of Shōnen Club or better known simply as ‘
Shokura’. On screen, a familiar smile was already being plastered in close-up view of the TV cameras. It was Chinen. And before I knew it, I was already watching the different segments of the show, my heart fluttering and aching every single time his face came up onscreen. It didn’t take long for my tears to start flowing. I was crying soon enough when I thought that I had exhausted all of the tears. I could neither find the strength to switch channels nor turn off the TV. My body was soon wracked with sobs. I had rested and grasped my arms together over my raised knees crying my heart out for what seemed like a replay of that night. It was really getting hard for me to breathe.
The screen suddenly went blank just as the program was nearing its end. I immediately realized that someone else was in the room. Then someone suddenly held me tight with strong but gentle arms from behind me, caressing my hair like how my mother used to comfort me when I was a kid.
“Oh no, Umika,” came Mirai’s voice. She was the one who spoke but these were not her arms. I was starting to wipe away the tears to get a clearer picture of who were in the room with me at that moment.
“Is she okay?” The voice probably belonged to Suzuka who I sensed sitting down on the couch with me. These weren’t her arms too. In fact, the more I felt them the more I started to realize that they were more, err…manly.
“She’s not but we’ll make her better.”
The person who held me finally spoke. It was quite soothing and comforting to be in those arms. One hand had continuously and slowly caressed my hair calming me down until I was able to regain some composure over my rather dishevelled state. The hands and the way they caressed my hair reminded me instantly of Chinen and how he had held me when we were together.
When I had calmed down, I looked up at the person who held me whose arms were now slowly retreating away from me.
It was Jingi.
“Did you calm down now?” He asked me coolly.
I didn’t bother to answer his question instead I threw back a question at the trio.
“How did you get inside the house?”
I wasn’t angry that they visited and caught me at a bad moment. I just wanted to know how they let themselves in the house unless… it dawned on me seconds later.
It was Mirai who explained everything. “We were en route here when we met your parents along the way. They gave us one of their spare keys to the house. That’s why we were able to let ourselves into the place to visit you.”
Although I was listening to Mirai, I also snuck glances at Jingi who looked like he hadn’t had any sleep lately.
“As soon as we came in, we saw you crying and that’s how Jingi came over to comfort you,” finished Suzuka.
She added, “We were so worried about you, Umika. You see… we heard all about it from Jingi.” Suzuka was saying with apologetic eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to be angry at her but Jingi was another matter.
I stared at him.
No. I glared at him.
Mirai came to his defense almost immediately, “Don’t blame him, Umika. We sort of threatened him back then.” I was still glaring at Jingi but he met my eyes evenly.
“That’s not an excuse! You should have just all minded your own business.” I retorted back. Mirai and Suzuka almost flinched from those words but Jingi was being defiant. I was already halfway from standing up and leaving the couch when Jingi spoke.
“I know that it’s none of my…” he paused and corrected himself after glancing at the girls, “…our business. But you need your friends right now.”
“He’s right, Umika. We never meant to impose upon you by coming here and catching you at a bad time but we’re you’re friends after all,” Mirai forged on and effectively dampening off whatever hostility I was piling up on Jingi.
My expression softened soon after and I think I saw all three of them letting out sighs of relief.
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We were caught up in an awkward silence in the minutes that followed. Jingi had finally pulled up a chair and taken a seat behind Mirai’s sofa chair while Suzuka sat beside me on the couch. It was hard to imagine that some of the roles we played in dramas and films over the last few years were slowly being relived in our current situation. Of course, I was reliving more of them right now like some tragic heroine who was fated to find some happiness at the end. Only there would be no ‘end’ in this tale. Life goes
on. We were, after all, still normal students on their final year of high school.
Jingi’s comforting gesture awhile ago reminded me so much of Chinen that I could have almost sworn that it was him hugging me instead. But still, some ounce of sanity and emotional stability was restored by this visit of good friends. The words tomodachi and nakama were never this comforting before but I’ve come to value them more in the light of my current circumstance.
It was Suzuka who chose to break the silence.
“Have you eaten already?” she asked while bringing out the plastic bags that they were toting along when they came in. I merely shook my head.
“Figures. I knew something was terribly wrong when you didn’t go to school. I caught Chinen sneaking glances at your seat like he was guilty of something,” added Jingi. He is really quite good at connecting the dots and still be this loyal friend in front of me
“Well, you should have seen him confront Chinen-kun - it was just the two of them so don’t worry. He apparently brought up your secret relationship and I just happened to accidentally hear them outside the room when I was returning something to Jingi. I caught some snippets of their conversation and it was enough to give me a gist of why you haven’t been coming to school these past few days.” Suzuka narrated her accidental discovery.
Mirai then chimed in, “Suzuka told me about it and together we cornered and extracted the whole truth out of Jingi.”
Jingi was already shaking his head in a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment of having to hear the experience again from my friends. The girls were both giggling a bit at the part where they had managed to make Jingi spill the beans but quickly cut it short as they had seen the deadened expression that my eyes had seemed to give out at the recounting of Chinen’s behaviour in my absence. They knew I was hurting inside once again.
Both girls were able to muster an almost sheepish but sincere, “Gomen, Umika.”
Upon hearing their apologies, I quickly caught myself and put up a cheerful front.
“It’s alright. You don’t have to apologize,” I assured them and then turned to Jingi.
“Arigatō, Jingi. But please don’t ever do that again.” I flashed back a faint smile.
“Yeah, now that’s out of the way, shall we prepare something to eat for all of us?” He was always quick to cheer everyone up.
“Umm!” I nodded in assent and smiled as cheerfully as I could.
It was like being in the set of my latest drama where Kamiki-kun and I play students of a cooking school. We all helped in making the food. Everyone was in high spirits and I knew it was more for my sake than just being in the company of good friends. I tried my best to not let my smiling façade falter and show them that I was indeed having a good time. We dined on the food we prepared soon after and were soon telling me stories of what I had missed at school in the last few days. We laughed it off as we ate the
afternoon away. When the clock struck six, we were already cleaning up after ourselves. Dishes and utensils were washed, dried and were put back in their proper places. The kitchen and the dining table were almost immaculate. Even if we were all teenage idols, we never ever really forgot or ever became
lazy with all things domestic. We were regular high school students whenever our respective agencies didn’t have work for us. Not a day passes by that we yearn to be like a normal kid in the block and not worry about paparazzi taking our photos without our knowledge, getting stalked and mobbed by fans
in the street, etc.
All good things have to end at some point and even this simple gathering was no exception.
“Sorry that we can’t stay longer, Umika,” Mirai apologized as the trio prepared to leave her place. We were already at the genkan (entryway) area of my house. It was customary for the host to see them off after all. I felt strangely grateful and relieved at the same time at how things turned out.
“It’s okay. It was fun being with you guys,” I replied rather automatically. She hoped that it would appease their guilt of having to leave her again all by her lonesome. After all, her parents were off on a
business trip.
“Oh, wait! Gomen, but can I borrow your cell for a while?” Jingi suddenly asked from out of the blue. He was still in a cheerful mood.
“Why?” I asked as I retrieved my phone from my pocket and then gave it to him, “Here.”
He took it and was already accessing a specific feature of the phone. I could see what he was doing but felt that it was harmless.
“Here. Thanks,” he said giving back my phone. I flipped it open and found that the wallpaper had been changed. It showed me in the middle flanked by Mirai and Suzuka at the sides.
“This should remind you that we’re just a phone call away should you get depressed over something again.”
“Arigatō, Jingi,” I was really grateful for what he did. His gesture had just helped me make a step forward and move on.
Of course when they left, the house was quiet again. Its emptiness was ironically suffocating for me to the point of claustrophobia.
I don’t have him by my side anymore. My life without him really is boring, pathetic… nothing. This hole in my soul could never be filled.
It was in this train of thought that I found myself inexplicably drawn to reminiscing those moments of happiness with Chinen, immensely enjoying each other’s company despite an unspoken love for each other.
A sense of nostalgia came over me and took me back to those scenes of our first monthsary.
/Flashback/
“Where are we going, Chii?” I asked the surprisingly mum Chinen sitting beside me in a bus heading for parts unknown to me at that time. It wasn’t like him to be this secretive. We looked like brother and sister with our disguises.
He merely replied, “You’ll see.”
We alighted at the designated bus stop and took a cab. He seemed to really, really know where we were going. It was either he really scoped out the place days ahead or he had been to this place before.
Where was he really taking me? If I had to guess, we were now somewhere in the Yamanashi Prefecture.
It wasn’t really hard to tell as they had left Tokyo’s familiar urban landscape heading in a southwest direction earlier in the day. Plus, the majestic Mt. Fuji was a landmark that wasn’t exactly hard to miss. It
had dawned on her that there was only one place she thought that his boyfriend of one month could be taking her: Fuji-Q Highland! An amusement park!
I would never have imagined that both of us would be here amid this sea of people. We were in disguise the whole time - a necessity in our line of work. He grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me to one of the park’s famous attractions: the Dodonpa.
“Wait! I’m not good with roller coasters!” I protested rather weakly as he pulled me towards the ride having quickly acquired tickets for it in less than five minutes. Don’t even ask how he did it. Chinen was quite good at having his way.
He reassured me, “Don’t worry. I’m here.” He was grinning widely. The oversized glasses and the hat did little to mask his excitement from me. I relented. I had learned to never say no to that particular expression of his. He was happy. I was already quite happy to be on this date with him. Plus, he did plan it for our first monthsary.
Throwing caution to the wind, I rode the roller coaster with him screaming my lungs out the whole time even though my insides were struggling to come out. I occasionally glanced at Chinen only to see him laugh and scream along with me while holding my hand for the duration of the ride.
I felt strangely famished after having spent part of the ride trying to keep myself from throwing up. Chinen seemed to have recovered from it faster than I did and was soon handing me a corndog. The guy who sold us the corndogs commented that we made quite a cute pair and was on the verge of even discovering who we were since he was already saying I looked vaguely familiar while Chinen reminded him of a Johnny’s talent who had a cute and wide grin. We both paled at his comments and quickly excused ourselves. We really had to be careful because there are just some people who could still
recognize idols despite their disguises - even our glasses, face masks and hats were not that effective. And a paparazzo would always be quick to scour the site with a camera in tow, snapping photos like there was no tomorrow.
We found a secluded spot to partake of our purchased refreshments. Chinen was always quick to recover from close calls. It hardly fazed him.
“Say ‘Ahh’!” He was already feeding me and as his girlfriend, I was more than happy to oblige him. When we had finished eating and recovering from our ordeal with the Dodonpa, I was already suggesting where to go next.
“I want to go to The Haunted Hospital next,” I told him. He seemed to flinch a bit at the mention of that particular attraction.
I never took Chinen for a scaredy cat. I thought secretly relishing what it would be like if I managed to drag him with me to the attraction.
“Okay. Sure, whatever you say.” He wasn’t scared after all. As we made our way to the attraction, he was quite peppy as a cheerleader and telling me stories about how Inoo-kun who didn’t like rides that made you scream and how some HSJ members were actually scaredy cats despite their kakkoi-ness. I really enjoyed the revelations. I was glad that Chinen didn’t seem to mind that I was not as talkative as he was. He had my undivided attention after all and I only had eyes for him.
It was eerily dark inside the haunted building. The park’s haunted attraction was really first class and even renowned all over the world for being the largest. Anyone would be quite jumpy at the sight of this place.
Chinen was quite calm and relaxed as we slowly made our way deep into the bowels of the hospital. He was still regaling with Inoo-kun’s experiences with some of the attractions in this amusement park. Disembodied voices and sudden thudding and rapping noises soon followed.
“What’s that?!” I was really surprised that those words were not uttered by me who was already quite scared back then. I had found it unbelievable that the one who unabashedly said them was my boyfriend. He had suddenly held my hand and was slightly trembling. I was struggling to keep my laughter and amusement to a minimum. Chinen had become quiet and was already on the alert for more noises. Another banging noise came from the wall behind us.
“Ah!” He let out a yelp and hugged me tightly. For the entire trip through The Haunted Hospital until we exited, he definitely had one arm draped around me and I had one arm around his waist too. I couldn’t help but occasionally laugh during our ‘misadventures’ through the haunted attraction. I saw a different side of Chinen that only a few people knew about and for that I was grateful to be one of them. I was his girlfriend after all.
/End of flashback/
Even now I remember how he held me back then… almost as if I could never part from him despite the reasons that drove us apart. The mere thought that he would never hold me again and that I would never get to hold him back was too much. Moving on was easier said than done. I was and still am a cry-baby but what made it worse was that I found myself unable to take control of my life as of the moment. Before I realized it, I was already sitting on the elevated floor in the entryway sobbing and choking back my
tears.
I never did want to say good-bye that night but I did it anyway. I did it for him and for me. I could never make him feel obligated to love me despite our apparent closeness. I’m sure he had his reasons for not
returning my feelings a 100%. I had showed him every reason why I loved him a 100%. But Jingi, Suzuka and Mirai made me understand, in a subtle way, that I was being hard on myself and that in the least the relationship had precipitated into an unfortunate breakup because it had become unfair to one
of us.
It had become unfair to me.
It felt justified at that time but I never knew it would be hard to move on from it. The doorbell was ringing for quite some time now. I didn’t want to answer it and wanted to be alone for the rest of the day. The door
opened by itself anyway and I heard a familiar voice through it.
“Umika, sorry for coming back in without permission but no one was answering the door bell and I was worried. I just came to return your mom’s spare key.”
It was Suzuka who found me curled up by the entryway crying again.
“Umika!” She was already by my side when I raised my puffy, tear-strewn face to acknowledge her presence. “It’s okay! It’s okay! I’m here. We’re here!” Her voice was frantic and she had immediately hugged me without a second thought and began comforting me right then and there. Mirai and Jingi soon followed through the door realizing that Suzuka took longer than usual to return the spare key.
They helped me to my room. Jingi offered to carry me but I declined and thanked him for the offer. As I laid back in the comfort of my own bed, I was again surrounded by concerned pairs of eyes. It was quite
overwhelming. I reassured them that I’d be back on my feet soon enough and that I’d see them in school in a day or two. Of course, they made me promise that. And even Mirai was childish enough to make me do a pinky swear. They left a few minutes later saying that I needed to sleep off the day’s ordeal
and wake up to a brand new day.
I promised and I too was making a promise to myself that I’d move on. I owe it to my friends. Even idols have their ups and downs and I was determined to at least take ‘baby steps’ to moving on with my life as soon as I can for the sake of the people who genuinely care for me.
I soon drifted off to sleep only to wake up later in the night. I couldn't go back to sleep again. A lot of things were racing through my head about what I would do tomorrow. I was already jotting down mentally the things I needed to do to make up for lost time both at work and at school. My phone rang. I glanced at the alarm clock by my bed. It was a little over 10 PM.
Who could be calling me at this ungodly hour? I processing that very thought as I was trying to get to my phone.
Caller ID flashed back a familiar name. It was Jingi.
I didn’t hesitate to answer it this time.
“Hello,” I began.
“Hi, there. I was just checking up on you,” he explained his rather obvious concern.
“You already checked up on me earlier today,” I sat up while reaching for the switch of the lamp on my nightstand. I was able to turn it on after a few seconds of fumbling for the switch in the dark.
“Yeah, I know. Just making sure. Look out your window.”
I found it unbelievable that he would be asking me to do just that like some scene straight out of a romantic movie.
I anxiously replied, “What are you doing out there?” I was already by the window in seconds ready to yank aside the curtain.
“Just do it.” He said it almost playfully.
I set aside the curtain and looked outside my window and I saw him wearing a hoodie-jacket and a cap. He was smiling and waving at me from across the street. He was also standing beside a gray sedan with a bespectacled man in his late thirties or early forties at the wheel.
“Did you let your parents know you’re here?” I retorted a bit shrewdly. It was my turn to be concerned.
“You wound me, Umika. Of course! My dad drove me here.”
“What?!”
“I decided to accompany my dad to the airport. We’re picking up my mom in an hour. And since your place was just along the way, I asked my dad if it was okay to have him drive me over here to check up on you.”
I could swear that my mouth was frozen in an “o” as soon as I heard his explanation. It took me awhile to come up with an answer.
Jingi’s tone became suddenly serious. “We’re still friends right, Umika?”
“H-h-hai,” I answered rather weakly.
“So whenever you start feeling alone and down, you do know that you can call us, right?” And then he switched back to a teasing tone, “Or if you prefer, you can call me. Nya-ha-ha.”
Then he switched back to being serious.
“Things don’t have to stay awkward between us. I’ll be ready to listen to your troubles and help you get back what you lost. That’s what friends are for.”
For a brief moment there, I felt my heart skip a beat amid the butterflies in my stomach. It was an entirely different sensation. Quite different from those times when Chinen and I would have serious
conversations similar to the one that Jingi and I were having right now. Those times with Chinen were really special… something that Jingi will never be able to duplicate.
“Arigatō, Jingi… for everything.” My voice was almost a whisper.
There was a rather pregnant pause that followed.
“You’re welcome anytime, Umika.”
After that, there was nothing more to be said. He hung up and took a step forward into the light of the nearby lamp post. And tipped the brim of his ball cap forward, bidding me a silent good night.
I waved back to him and whispered, “Oyasuminasai, Jingi.”
He quickly got back into the car. His dad started the engine seconds later and their car drove off into the night.
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I came back to school the following Monday. Mirai, Suzuka, and Jingi called me early in the morning and insisted that they drop by my place and accompany me to school just in case I’d go back on that promise. I told them that I kept my promise. I was already en route to school when I answered
their calls. My parents offered to drop me off the path closest to school on their way to work. I took my time walking this path so that they could catch up. I had a little over an hour before school started. There was no need to rush as I had accomplished missed schoolwork and even studied for every upcoming test over the weekend. Before long, I heard the familiar voices of Mirai and Suzuka behind me. We walked together, chatting animatedly. Jingi caught up with us when we were near the entrance of the school. I was grateful for their company and that I knew that they’d keep the events of
last week like a well-guarded secret.
It was a great day to go to school. I took a deep breath and continued walking.
Or so I thought. I gave myself a half-hearted “Yay” as I walked through the school’s gates and into the entryway.
The three of them knew that I wasn’t that happy to be back in school because doing so would mean that I would be back as his seatmate. I realized over the weekend that sooner or later I needed to face reality and what better time to start doing so than now.
Throngs of students were already scurrying towards their own classrooms. The four of us wove through them with practiced ease and social grace occasionally greeting both kōhai and fans alike. I was on autopilot the whole time and before I knew it I was already standing just outside our
classroom. The door was already open and through it, I saw him. He was already plastered on the seat beside mine which was near the window. Chinen and I had always been seated at the back and even when I started wearing glasses halfway through high school, I always told my teacher that I was
fine being seated at the back. It was only last year that we ended up being seatmates. I was grateful for it.
But now I froze at the sight of him on that seat beside mine. Mirai, Suzuka and Jingi were behind me and wondered what the holdup was. It didn’t exactly take a genius to figure it out. Jingi smiled to his ‘cohorts’ and gently pushed me into the room. A soft ‘kya’ escaped me as I almost stumbled into the room. I was grateful that nobody noticed it. I was reminded of a similar thing that happened to me in one of the Calpis commercials I did a few years back. I glared at Jingi who merely grinned
back.
“Come on, let’s get inside already, sensei’s bound to arrive anytime now,” said Jingi who had even went as far to escort me to my seat flanked by Mirai and Suzuka.
My eyes went a bit wide at the mere prospect of being escorted by all three of them. It was darn overkill. I think they were just making sure that I wouldn’t chicken out of my “moving-on” process. Chinen was even surprised to see me although I think he was surprised to see me with Jingi, Mirai and
Suzuka in tow. The three people who were egging me on to my seat greeted Chinen like they always did. Chinen greeted them back but not me. Our eyes met and locked on but I couldn’t stand it and had to glance away and pretend that I was in a hurry to get to my seat and prepare for class. He also
glanced away and pretended to tinker with something on his cell phone.
“There. Remember that we’re eating lunch together,” Mirai had both arms on my shoulder as she gently pushed me down to my seat and rather deliberately told everyone within earshot. Well, the only one within earshot was Chinen.
Suzuka was already giving me a ‘ganbatte’ face and merely gave a small wave back at me while saying, “Ja ne,” as all three quickly moved towards their seats to prepare for the first subject of the day.
They finally left us alone. The atmosphere suddenly turned stale and awkward. It bore the marks and similarities of being in a first date. Strangely enough, Chinen hadn’t said a word to me since I came in and he was pretending to arrange stuff on his desk when everything seemed to be in
proper order. He was basically doing what I was doing.
Stalemate. I thought.
So I resolved to break the ice and greeted him first.
“Ohayō,” I greeted and smiled at him.
“Yo,” He began with a salute with his right hand and finished with a suppressed, “Ohayō.” He looked at me as if he was just realizing that I was there. The ‘yo' part was quite stiff, almost forced. Almost like a
feeble attempt to carry on a conversation.
Or prolong the agony. The thought of it was unbearable but I had to see this through and move on with my life.
Chinen seemed like he wanted to say something more than just the greeting. I wasn’t really prepared to have a conversation with him when I finally returned to school today and resolved to take it a step at a time. And I dreaded that moment when he seemed to want to start a conversation after we had exchanged greetings. Over the weekend, I had decided that the best way to handle things with Chinen would be to speak to him only when spoken too. Simple as that. It would work. It had to or else I’d be back to
crying myself to sleep and going on another self-imposed exile for days on end.
Just when Chinen was about to say something to me, our adviser-sensei came in and began taking roll call and doing other homeroom routines before finally starting lessons. We neither did small talk nor exchanged glances throughout the first few hours of the day. It was quite awkward
sitting beside the boy you like and love. The one person you would also try so hard to forget in the wake of a breakup. I groaned inwardly noting that the days ahead would not be easy. Being an actress came in handy. I learned how to fake my smiles better. I know. That’s so evil of me but it
was the only thing I could do best given my situation.
As unbelievable as it may sound, our situation remained like this even up to the time that we finally graduated. We simply never spoke to each other unless spoken too. It’s kind of sad and maybe a bit disturbing but that’s the way it is.
yatta! at long last i updated... arigatou ran-chan for editing this and for adding up some scenes on it as well...I hope you guys will like it, i'm still having the following chapters beta-ed but i hope i can post it by sunday or monday there are things to be added first...
thank you fro reading! and comments are love!
Author: jlrui
Beta-ed by: ranguren_chan
Pairing: UmiChii
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Umika decided to confess to Chinen but end up being rejected. She tried to move on but he didn't let her, and made her his girlfriend. Will Chinen manage to really love Umika and say "I love you" to her?
(c) `strawberryparfait and purple-sashiin.blogspot.com
*Say I Love You*
Chapter 7
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I didn’t go to school the next day. Surprisingly, Mom got worried. I think she was also feeling guilty for leaving me home alone again last night when she and dad promised to be home waiting for me. I merely told her that I didn’t feel well and I guess she believed me well enough to not make a big fuzz about it and call for a doctor.
I heard a faint knock on the door of my room. It swung open afterwards to reveal my mom who came in with a tray containing okayu (porridge) and a glass of water.
“Umika, you need to eat something or else you won’t get well soon,” she said as she put down the tray on the low table near my bed.
A soft “mm-hmm” was my reply. It proved satisfactory enough as she left the room almost instantly after hearing my muffled response.
My ‘sickness’ was not the type that would either allow me to get well fast enough or allow me to recover completely from it anytime soon. I was hurting in another way. My heart was still in pieces and I don’t even know if I can put it back to how it was before I laid eyes, became attracted, and subsequently had feelings for the opposite sex. A woman’s intuition would have easily discovered that but I guess my mom was basically on a one-tracked mind at that time and had to focus on her work for the day.
Three days passed by uneventfully. My parents apparently chalked up my solitude to overwork and stress. I was wondering what the agency was preparing for 9nine in the next few months. They’ve been strangely silent and had not called for almost three weeks. As I recall, I did some auditions for some upcoming drama projects besides the one with Kamiki-kun. I think I nailed another or two more drama roles this year. But even if I nailed those roles, management would still advise me on which projects to go for. But in the last two years, the final decision was left to me. I think they were starting to give me some rein over my project choices besides keeping up appearances with 9nine.
The only work-related item that cropped up in the last few days was a scheduled photo shoot for a magazine and some promotional ads for that upcoming drama I was going to be starring in together with Kamiki-kun, Ito-san and Matsuoka-san. Mom told all of them that I was sick and that I
was making good use of the three days resting.
My agency naturally understood the situation and even gave me a get-well soon bouquet and a card to boot. My adviser even dropped by today to check up on me and leaving a small stack of papers that were the schoolwork that I had missed. Upon seeing those papers, I moaned inwardly knowing why my predicament could only lead to more hassles in the days to come. She even voiced some of my classmates’ concern for my rather prolonged absence. I was grateful for their concern but I simply wanted to be alone.
I needed to be alone. I even turned off my phone since that night.
.
The events of day four of my self-imposed exile hardly bothered me: my mom told me the following day that she and dad would be leaving for another business trip for the weekend.
“Honey, are you sure you’re okay on your own? Because I could always stay and let dad go on the trip instead.” She asked. There was some measure of concern in her query but it didn’t register much with me. I was already used to coming home without my parents in it for the last few years. All their hard work and absence certainly helped me attend the best schools and helped me polish my talents along the way but I was no latchkey child for long. I soon got caught up with the entertainment industry. The work of an
idol was no mean feat and it helped me make use of my time wisely.
“I’m going to be fine. Now go or you’re gonna be late!” I gave them my best reassuring smile as they left the house. I don’t even know if they realized how dead to the world my eyes were.
I found myself going for the couch and let gravity take hold of me from there. I was still in my pjs. I took the remote and switched on the TV. It was the first time in days that I watched television ever since that
night.
I flicked on to several channels and settled on watching the entertainment news of a popular talk show. Then that promotional ad with the cast for that new drama I was starring in came up and for a second I thought that they’d report about my absence in that ad. I was so relieved that the hosts didn’t even wonder why I wasn’t with the rest of the cast promoting the drama.
“Arigatō!” I was thinking out loud and unconsciously blurted the word out to myself. I guess I have to thank my agency for that. I mentally took note of it and was soon flicking onto other channels. Strangely enough, I still don’t want to know what other people are talking about the idol me. I still haven’t gotten used to it as most of my senpai in my agency are like experts at deflecting intrigue and controversy and even gracious at admitting mistakes.
Without really a particular channel in mind, I eventually settled on the NHK channel where a program was just giving out its trademark introductory performances. I froze in my seat and glanced at the TV clock on display. I completely forgot that today was the time slot of Shōnen Club or better known simply as ‘
Shokura’. On screen, a familiar smile was already being plastered in close-up view of the TV cameras. It was Chinen. And before I knew it, I was already watching the different segments of the show, my heart fluttering and aching every single time his face came up onscreen. It didn’t take long for my tears to start flowing. I was crying soon enough when I thought that I had exhausted all of the tears. I could neither find the strength to switch channels nor turn off the TV. My body was soon wracked with sobs. I had rested and grasped my arms together over my raised knees crying my heart out for what seemed like a replay of that night. It was really getting hard for me to breathe.
The screen suddenly went blank just as the program was nearing its end. I immediately realized that someone else was in the room. Then someone suddenly held me tight with strong but gentle arms from behind me, caressing my hair like how my mother used to comfort me when I was a kid.
“Oh no, Umika,” came Mirai’s voice. She was the one who spoke but these were not her arms. I was starting to wipe away the tears to get a clearer picture of who were in the room with me at that moment.
“Is she okay?” The voice probably belonged to Suzuka who I sensed sitting down on the couch with me. These weren’t her arms too. In fact, the more I felt them the more I started to realize that they were more, err…manly.
“She’s not but we’ll make her better.”
The person who held me finally spoke. It was quite soothing and comforting to be in those arms. One hand had continuously and slowly caressed my hair calming me down until I was able to regain some composure over my rather dishevelled state. The hands and the way they caressed my hair reminded me instantly of Chinen and how he had held me when we were together.
When I had calmed down, I looked up at the person who held me whose arms were now slowly retreating away from me.
It was Jingi.
“Did you calm down now?” He asked me coolly.
I didn’t bother to answer his question instead I threw back a question at the trio.
“How did you get inside the house?”
I wasn’t angry that they visited and caught me at a bad moment. I just wanted to know how they let themselves in the house unless… it dawned on me seconds later.
It was Mirai who explained everything. “We were en route here when we met your parents along the way. They gave us one of their spare keys to the house. That’s why we were able to let ourselves into the place to visit you.”
Although I was listening to Mirai, I also snuck glances at Jingi who looked like he hadn’t had any sleep lately.
“As soon as we came in, we saw you crying and that’s how Jingi came over to comfort you,” finished Suzuka.
She added, “We were so worried about you, Umika. You see… we heard all about it from Jingi.” Suzuka was saying with apologetic eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to be angry at her but Jingi was another matter.
I stared at him.
No. I glared at him.
Mirai came to his defense almost immediately, “Don’t blame him, Umika. We sort of threatened him back then.” I was still glaring at Jingi but he met my eyes evenly.
“That’s not an excuse! You should have just all minded your own business.” I retorted back. Mirai and Suzuka almost flinched from those words but Jingi was being defiant. I was already halfway from standing up and leaving the couch when Jingi spoke.
“I know that it’s none of my…” he paused and corrected himself after glancing at the girls, “…our business. But you need your friends right now.”
“He’s right, Umika. We never meant to impose upon you by coming here and catching you at a bad time but we’re you’re friends after all,” Mirai forged on and effectively dampening off whatever hostility I was piling up on Jingi.
My expression softened soon after and I think I saw all three of them letting out sighs of relief.
-------
We were caught up in an awkward silence in the minutes that followed. Jingi had finally pulled up a chair and taken a seat behind Mirai’s sofa chair while Suzuka sat beside me on the couch. It was hard to imagine that some of the roles we played in dramas and films over the last few years were slowly being relived in our current situation. Of course, I was reliving more of them right now like some tragic heroine who was fated to find some happiness at the end. Only there would be no ‘end’ in this tale. Life goes
on. We were, after all, still normal students on their final year of high school.
Jingi’s comforting gesture awhile ago reminded me so much of Chinen that I could have almost sworn that it was him hugging me instead. But still, some ounce of sanity and emotional stability was restored by this visit of good friends. The words tomodachi and nakama were never this comforting before but I’ve come to value them more in the light of my current circumstance.
It was Suzuka who chose to break the silence.
“Have you eaten already?” she asked while bringing out the plastic bags that they were toting along when they came in. I merely shook my head.
“Figures. I knew something was terribly wrong when you didn’t go to school. I caught Chinen sneaking glances at your seat like he was guilty of something,” added Jingi. He is really quite good at connecting the dots and still be this loyal friend in front of me
“Well, you should have seen him confront Chinen-kun - it was just the two of them so don’t worry. He apparently brought up your secret relationship and I just happened to accidentally hear them outside the room when I was returning something to Jingi. I caught some snippets of their conversation and it was enough to give me a gist of why you haven’t been coming to school these past few days.” Suzuka narrated her accidental discovery.
Mirai then chimed in, “Suzuka told me about it and together we cornered and extracted the whole truth out of Jingi.”
Jingi was already shaking his head in a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment of having to hear the experience again from my friends. The girls were both giggling a bit at the part where they had managed to make Jingi spill the beans but quickly cut it short as they had seen the deadened expression that my eyes had seemed to give out at the recounting of Chinen’s behaviour in my absence. They knew I was hurting inside once again.
Both girls were able to muster an almost sheepish but sincere, “Gomen, Umika.”
Upon hearing their apologies, I quickly caught myself and put up a cheerful front.
“It’s alright. You don’t have to apologize,” I assured them and then turned to Jingi.
“Arigatō, Jingi. But please don’t ever do that again.” I flashed back a faint smile.
“Yeah, now that’s out of the way, shall we prepare something to eat for all of us?” He was always quick to cheer everyone up.
“Umm!” I nodded in assent and smiled as cheerfully as I could.
It was like being in the set of my latest drama where Kamiki-kun and I play students of a cooking school. We all helped in making the food. Everyone was in high spirits and I knew it was more for my sake than just being in the company of good friends. I tried my best to not let my smiling façade falter and show them that I was indeed having a good time. We dined on the food we prepared soon after and were soon telling me stories of what I had missed at school in the last few days. We laughed it off as we ate the
afternoon away. When the clock struck six, we were already cleaning up after ourselves. Dishes and utensils were washed, dried and were put back in their proper places. The kitchen and the dining table were almost immaculate. Even if we were all teenage idols, we never ever really forgot or ever became
lazy with all things domestic. We were regular high school students whenever our respective agencies didn’t have work for us. Not a day passes by that we yearn to be like a normal kid in the block and not worry about paparazzi taking our photos without our knowledge, getting stalked and mobbed by fans
in the street, etc.
All good things have to end at some point and even this simple gathering was no exception.
“Sorry that we can’t stay longer, Umika,” Mirai apologized as the trio prepared to leave her place. We were already at the genkan (entryway) area of my house. It was customary for the host to see them off after all. I felt strangely grateful and relieved at the same time at how things turned out.
“It’s okay. It was fun being with you guys,” I replied rather automatically. She hoped that it would appease their guilt of having to leave her again all by her lonesome. After all, her parents were off on a
business trip.
“Oh, wait! Gomen, but can I borrow your cell for a while?” Jingi suddenly asked from out of the blue. He was still in a cheerful mood.
“Why?” I asked as I retrieved my phone from my pocket and then gave it to him, “Here.”
He took it and was already accessing a specific feature of the phone. I could see what he was doing but felt that it was harmless.
“Here. Thanks,” he said giving back my phone. I flipped it open and found that the wallpaper had been changed. It showed me in the middle flanked by Mirai and Suzuka at the sides.
“This should remind you that we’re just a phone call away should you get depressed over something again.”
“Arigatō, Jingi,” I was really grateful for what he did. His gesture had just helped me make a step forward and move on.
Of course when they left, the house was quiet again. Its emptiness was ironically suffocating for me to the point of claustrophobia.
I don’t have him by my side anymore. My life without him really is boring, pathetic… nothing. This hole in my soul could never be filled.
It was in this train of thought that I found myself inexplicably drawn to reminiscing those moments of happiness with Chinen, immensely enjoying each other’s company despite an unspoken love for each other.
A sense of nostalgia came over me and took me back to those scenes of our first monthsary.
/Flashback/
“Where are we going, Chii?” I asked the surprisingly mum Chinen sitting beside me in a bus heading for parts unknown to me at that time. It wasn’t like him to be this secretive. We looked like brother and sister with our disguises.
He merely replied, “You’ll see.”
We alighted at the designated bus stop and took a cab. He seemed to really, really know where we were going. It was either he really scoped out the place days ahead or he had been to this place before.
Where was he really taking me? If I had to guess, we were now somewhere in the Yamanashi Prefecture.
It wasn’t really hard to tell as they had left Tokyo’s familiar urban landscape heading in a southwest direction earlier in the day. Plus, the majestic Mt. Fuji was a landmark that wasn’t exactly hard to miss. It
had dawned on her that there was only one place she thought that his boyfriend of one month could be taking her: Fuji-Q Highland! An amusement park!
I would never have imagined that both of us would be here amid this sea of people. We were in disguise the whole time - a necessity in our line of work. He grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me to one of the park’s famous attractions: the Dodonpa.
“Wait! I’m not good with roller coasters!” I protested rather weakly as he pulled me towards the ride having quickly acquired tickets for it in less than five minutes. Don’t even ask how he did it. Chinen was quite good at having his way.
He reassured me, “Don’t worry. I’m here.” He was grinning widely. The oversized glasses and the hat did little to mask his excitement from me. I relented. I had learned to never say no to that particular expression of his. He was happy. I was already quite happy to be on this date with him. Plus, he did plan it for our first monthsary.
Throwing caution to the wind, I rode the roller coaster with him screaming my lungs out the whole time even though my insides were struggling to come out. I occasionally glanced at Chinen only to see him laugh and scream along with me while holding my hand for the duration of the ride.
I felt strangely famished after having spent part of the ride trying to keep myself from throwing up. Chinen seemed to have recovered from it faster than I did and was soon handing me a corndog. The guy who sold us the corndogs commented that we made quite a cute pair and was on the verge of even discovering who we were since he was already saying I looked vaguely familiar while Chinen reminded him of a Johnny’s talent who had a cute and wide grin. We both paled at his comments and quickly excused ourselves. We really had to be careful because there are just some people who could still
recognize idols despite their disguises - even our glasses, face masks and hats were not that effective. And a paparazzo would always be quick to scour the site with a camera in tow, snapping photos like there was no tomorrow.
We found a secluded spot to partake of our purchased refreshments. Chinen was always quick to recover from close calls. It hardly fazed him.
“Say ‘Ahh’!” He was already feeding me and as his girlfriend, I was more than happy to oblige him. When we had finished eating and recovering from our ordeal with the Dodonpa, I was already suggesting where to go next.
“I want to go to The Haunted Hospital next,” I told him. He seemed to flinch a bit at the mention of that particular attraction.
I never took Chinen for a scaredy cat. I thought secretly relishing what it would be like if I managed to drag him with me to the attraction.
“Okay. Sure, whatever you say.” He wasn’t scared after all. As we made our way to the attraction, he was quite peppy as a cheerleader and telling me stories about how Inoo-kun who didn’t like rides that made you scream and how some HSJ members were actually scaredy cats despite their kakkoi-ness. I really enjoyed the revelations. I was glad that Chinen didn’t seem to mind that I was not as talkative as he was. He had my undivided attention after all and I only had eyes for him.
It was eerily dark inside the haunted building. The park’s haunted attraction was really first class and even renowned all over the world for being the largest. Anyone would be quite jumpy at the sight of this place.
Chinen was quite calm and relaxed as we slowly made our way deep into the bowels of the hospital. He was still regaling with Inoo-kun’s experiences with some of the attractions in this amusement park. Disembodied voices and sudden thudding and rapping noises soon followed.
“What’s that?!” I was really surprised that those words were not uttered by me who was already quite scared back then. I had found it unbelievable that the one who unabashedly said them was my boyfriend. He had suddenly held my hand and was slightly trembling. I was struggling to keep my laughter and amusement to a minimum. Chinen had become quiet and was already on the alert for more noises. Another banging noise came from the wall behind us.
“Ah!” He let out a yelp and hugged me tightly. For the entire trip through The Haunted Hospital until we exited, he definitely had one arm draped around me and I had one arm around his waist too. I couldn’t help but occasionally laugh during our ‘misadventures’ through the haunted attraction. I saw a different side of Chinen that only a few people knew about and for that I was grateful to be one of them. I was his girlfriend after all.
/End of flashback/
Even now I remember how he held me back then… almost as if I could never part from him despite the reasons that drove us apart. The mere thought that he would never hold me again and that I would never get to hold him back was too much. Moving on was easier said than done. I was and still am a cry-baby but what made it worse was that I found myself unable to take control of my life as of the moment. Before I realized it, I was already sitting on the elevated floor in the entryway sobbing and choking back my
tears.
I never did want to say good-bye that night but I did it anyway. I did it for him and for me. I could never make him feel obligated to love me despite our apparent closeness. I’m sure he had his reasons for not
returning my feelings a 100%. I had showed him every reason why I loved him a 100%. But Jingi, Suzuka and Mirai made me understand, in a subtle way, that I was being hard on myself and that in the least the relationship had precipitated into an unfortunate breakup because it had become unfair to one
of us.
It had become unfair to me.
It felt justified at that time but I never knew it would be hard to move on from it. The doorbell was ringing for quite some time now. I didn’t want to answer it and wanted to be alone for the rest of the day. The door
opened by itself anyway and I heard a familiar voice through it.
“Umika, sorry for coming back in without permission but no one was answering the door bell and I was worried. I just came to return your mom’s spare key.”
It was Suzuka who found me curled up by the entryway crying again.
“Umika!” She was already by my side when I raised my puffy, tear-strewn face to acknowledge her presence. “It’s okay! It’s okay! I’m here. We’re here!” Her voice was frantic and she had immediately hugged me without a second thought and began comforting me right then and there. Mirai and Jingi soon followed through the door realizing that Suzuka took longer than usual to return the spare key.
They helped me to my room. Jingi offered to carry me but I declined and thanked him for the offer. As I laid back in the comfort of my own bed, I was again surrounded by concerned pairs of eyes. It was quite
overwhelming. I reassured them that I’d be back on my feet soon enough and that I’d see them in school in a day or two. Of course, they made me promise that. And even Mirai was childish enough to make me do a pinky swear. They left a few minutes later saying that I needed to sleep off the day’s ordeal
and wake up to a brand new day.
I promised and I too was making a promise to myself that I’d move on. I owe it to my friends. Even idols have their ups and downs and I was determined to at least take ‘baby steps’ to moving on with my life as soon as I can for the sake of the people who genuinely care for me.
I soon drifted off to sleep only to wake up later in the night. I couldn't go back to sleep again. A lot of things were racing through my head about what I would do tomorrow. I was already jotting down mentally the things I needed to do to make up for lost time both at work and at school. My phone rang. I glanced at the alarm clock by my bed. It was a little over 10 PM.
Who could be calling me at this ungodly hour? I processing that very thought as I was trying to get to my phone.
Caller ID flashed back a familiar name. It was Jingi.
I didn’t hesitate to answer it this time.
“Hello,” I began.
“Hi, there. I was just checking up on you,” he explained his rather obvious concern.
“You already checked up on me earlier today,” I sat up while reaching for the switch of the lamp on my nightstand. I was able to turn it on after a few seconds of fumbling for the switch in the dark.
“Yeah, I know. Just making sure. Look out your window.”
I found it unbelievable that he would be asking me to do just that like some scene straight out of a romantic movie.
I anxiously replied, “What are you doing out there?” I was already by the window in seconds ready to yank aside the curtain.
“Just do it.” He said it almost playfully.
I set aside the curtain and looked outside my window and I saw him wearing a hoodie-jacket and a cap. He was smiling and waving at me from across the street. He was also standing beside a gray sedan with a bespectacled man in his late thirties or early forties at the wheel.
“Did you let your parents know you’re here?” I retorted a bit shrewdly. It was my turn to be concerned.
“You wound me, Umika. Of course! My dad drove me here.”
“What?!”
“I decided to accompany my dad to the airport. We’re picking up my mom in an hour. And since your place was just along the way, I asked my dad if it was okay to have him drive me over here to check up on you.”
I could swear that my mouth was frozen in an “o” as soon as I heard his explanation. It took me awhile to come up with an answer.
Jingi’s tone became suddenly serious. “We’re still friends right, Umika?”
“H-h-hai,” I answered rather weakly.
“So whenever you start feeling alone and down, you do know that you can call us, right?” And then he switched back to a teasing tone, “Or if you prefer, you can call me. Nya-ha-ha.”
Then he switched back to being serious.
“Things don’t have to stay awkward between us. I’ll be ready to listen to your troubles and help you get back what you lost. That’s what friends are for.”
For a brief moment there, I felt my heart skip a beat amid the butterflies in my stomach. It was an entirely different sensation. Quite different from those times when Chinen and I would have serious
conversations similar to the one that Jingi and I were having right now. Those times with Chinen were really special… something that Jingi will never be able to duplicate.
“Arigatō, Jingi… for everything.” My voice was almost a whisper.
There was a rather pregnant pause that followed.
“You’re welcome anytime, Umika.”
After that, there was nothing more to be said. He hung up and took a step forward into the light of the nearby lamp post. And tipped the brim of his ball cap forward, bidding me a silent good night.
I waved back to him and whispered, “Oyasuminasai, Jingi.”
He quickly got back into the car. His dad started the engine seconds later and their car drove off into the night.
-------
I came back to school the following Monday. Mirai, Suzuka, and Jingi called me early in the morning and insisted that they drop by my place and accompany me to school just in case I’d go back on that promise. I told them that I kept my promise. I was already en route to school when I answered
their calls. My parents offered to drop me off the path closest to school on their way to work. I took my time walking this path so that they could catch up. I had a little over an hour before school started. There was no need to rush as I had accomplished missed schoolwork and even studied for every upcoming test over the weekend. Before long, I heard the familiar voices of Mirai and Suzuka behind me. We walked together, chatting animatedly. Jingi caught up with us when we were near the entrance of the school. I was grateful for their company and that I knew that they’d keep the events of
last week like a well-guarded secret.
It was a great day to go to school. I took a deep breath and continued walking.
Or so I thought. I gave myself a half-hearted “Yay” as I walked through the school’s gates and into the entryway.
The three of them knew that I wasn’t that happy to be back in school because doing so would mean that I would be back as his seatmate. I realized over the weekend that sooner or later I needed to face reality and what better time to start doing so than now.
Throngs of students were already scurrying towards their own classrooms. The four of us wove through them with practiced ease and social grace occasionally greeting both kōhai and fans alike. I was on autopilot the whole time and before I knew it I was already standing just outside our
classroom. The door was already open and through it, I saw him. He was already plastered on the seat beside mine which was near the window. Chinen and I had always been seated at the back and even when I started wearing glasses halfway through high school, I always told my teacher that I was
fine being seated at the back. It was only last year that we ended up being seatmates. I was grateful for it.
But now I froze at the sight of him on that seat beside mine. Mirai, Suzuka and Jingi were behind me and wondered what the holdup was. It didn’t exactly take a genius to figure it out. Jingi smiled to his ‘cohorts’ and gently pushed me into the room. A soft ‘kya’ escaped me as I almost stumbled into the room. I was grateful that nobody noticed it. I was reminded of a similar thing that happened to me in one of the Calpis commercials I did a few years back. I glared at Jingi who merely grinned
back.
“Come on, let’s get inside already, sensei’s bound to arrive anytime now,” said Jingi who had even went as far to escort me to my seat flanked by Mirai and Suzuka.
My eyes went a bit wide at the mere prospect of being escorted by all three of them. It was darn overkill. I think they were just making sure that I wouldn’t chicken out of my “moving-on” process. Chinen was even surprised to see me although I think he was surprised to see me with Jingi, Mirai and
Suzuka in tow. The three people who were egging me on to my seat greeted Chinen like they always did. Chinen greeted them back but not me. Our eyes met and locked on but I couldn’t stand it and had to glance away and pretend that I was in a hurry to get to my seat and prepare for class. He also
glanced away and pretended to tinker with something on his cell phone.
“There. Remember that we’re eating lunch together,” Mirai had both arms on my shoulder as she gently pushed me down to my seat and rather deliberately told everyone within earshot. Well, the only one within earshot was Chinen.
Suzuka was already giving me a ‘ganbatte’ face and merely gave a small wave back at me while saying, “Ja ne,” as all three quickly moved towards their seats to prepare for the first subject of the day.
They finally left us alone. The atmosphere suddenly turned stale and awkward. It bore the marks and similarities of being in a first date. Strangely enough, Chinen hadn’t said a word to me since I came in and he was pretending to arrange stuff on his desk when everything seemed to be in
proper order. He was basically doing what I was doing.
Stalemate. I thought.
So I resolved to break the ice and greeted him first.
“Ohayō,” I greeted and smiled at him.
“Yo,” He began with a salute with his right hand and finished with a suppressed, “Ohayō.” He looked at me as if he was just realizing that I was there. The ‘yo' part was quite stiff, almost forced. Almost like a
feeble attempt to carry on a conversation.
Or prolong the agony. The thought of it was unbearable but I had to see this through and move on with my life.
Chinen seemed like he wanted to say something more than just the greeting. I wasn’t really prepared to have a conversation with him when I finally returned to school today and resolved to take it a step at a time. And I dreaded that moment when he seemed to want to start a conversation after we had exchanged greetings. Over the weekend, I had decided that the best way to handle things with Chinen would be to speak to him only when spoken too. Simple as that. It would work. It had to or else I’d be back to
crying myself to sleep and going on another self-imposed exile for days on end.
Just when Chinen was about to say something to me, our adviser-sensei came in and began taking roll call and doing other homeroom routines before finally starting lessons. We neither did small talk nor exchanged glances throughout the first few hours of the day. It was quite awkward
sitting beside the boy you like and love. The one person you would also try so hard to forget in the wake of a breakup. I groaned inwardly noting that the days ahead would not be easy. Being an actress came in handy. I learned how to fake my smiles better. I know. That’s so evil of me but it
was the only thing I could do best given my situation.
As unbelievable as it may sound, our situation remained like this even up to the time that we finally graduated. We simply never spoke to each other unless spoken too. It’s kind of sad and maybe a bit disturbing but that’s the way it is.
yatta! at long last i updated... arigatou ran-chan for editing this and for adding up some scenes on it as well...I hope you guys will like it, i'm still having the following chapters beta-ed but i hope i can post it by sunday or monday there are things to be added first...
thank you fro reading! and comments are love!