Say I Love You 9.2 part 3
Title: Say I Love You
Authors:
jlrui and
ranguren_chan
Pairing: UmiChii
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Umika decided to confess to Chinen but end up being rejected. She tried to move on but he didn't let her, and made her his girlfriend. Will Chinen manage to really love Umika and say "I love you" to her?
Chinen
Being trapped in that elevator, alone with her, the only thing that I wanted to do was to re-connect with her somehow without somehow appearing too needy of her attention. I noticed the distance between us. I thought that this was a good time as any.
“What are you doing there?” I began.
She was quite defensive.
“I like it here. It’s comfortable.” And we were back to a silent stalemate again. She looked
pretty pensive about something from where I was sitting. A minute passed by and
I couldn’t stand it any longer. I stood up and walked over to her area.
“Wait! Why are you coming over here as well?”
I was ready for that.
“You said that it’s comfortable here, right? I wanna try.”
I sat next to her despite her obvious discomfort and protest.
I continued having a conversation with her.
“You know what?”
“What?” She suddenly looked at me and asked me back. At least she wasn’t ignoring me like
earlier.
I told her that we could get out through a panel in the ceiling just like how Arashi’s Matsujun-senpai did in Hana Yori Dango with Inoue-san’s character.
I kind of grinned at the thought of it and said this while pointing at the panel in the ceiling
that was across us. I was trying to lighten the awkward mood between us. It was
just an idea and I could easily climb up there if need be.
I could see that she was imagining how it would go. But her reply surprised me.
My suggestion was greeted by a strong objection.
“I-ie!” She objected.
“Why not? I wanna try it and it’s better than doing nothing, ne?” I asked her trying
to clarify what she objected in the plan.
“I said ‘no,’ ero-Chinen! Can’t you see what I’m wearing?!”
Then she pointed down to her slackettes and thigh-high socks. I didn’t get it the first time. I
mean she could practically move a lot easier with her current get-up. She had
developed even more shapely legs since we were last this close to each other.
I told her that it’s not like I was going to look up anyway. I still couldn’t take my eyes off that slackette and that nice pair of socks. I was a guy after all. But some part of me told me that I was leering at her too much. She wasn’t my girlfriend anymore but I was getting jealous at the thought that someone else would be admiring her figure other than myself.
“Yeah, right! And you want me to believe that?! I don’t think so!”
She can be still quite kawaii even when she’s angry.
“You do have nice legs, ne?” I teased on.
It was meant to be a compliment. But instead I got rewarded by a light slap to the back of my
head.
She even told me off that I was the same as most men: perverted.
I couldn’t help but laugh at the way she said it.
I missed this.
“Itte! I was only joking, Umika!” I cried out. At least I know that she can be violent.
I massaged the part where she hit me. I’ve never seen her act like this in her dramas. Well, Heaven’s Flower was a lot different since she looked like Android No. 18 or like a female Terminator. There was
emotion in that slap. There was that feeling that brought me back to the time when I took her on a roller coaster ride for our first monthsary. She apparently caught me daydreaming again. So I tried my best to sound and act reassuring.
“So, we’ll just wait then.”
I tried to hold her hand but she went off into her own daydreaming mode. Her fingers began
moving like she was playing the piano. It’d be quite lame if I made a grab for her hand and she might find it imposing and annoying.
A minute of silence passed by… I couldn’t stand it so I interrupted her daydreaming.
“So going back to my question: how have you been?” I was looking at her intently at this point.
It the dimly-lit elevator, I could barely make out her face. But I was quite close to her when I brought up that question again. I wanted to know how she had lived out these past few months since our breakup.
“It’s been good…I guess.” She said this while raising her legs up so that she could rest her
arms on them.
She turned away and asked me the same question. With practiced ease, I used a ‘same-as-always’ reply. But her next remark really surprised me.
“Yeah, I often see you on TV these days and you’re doing well for yourself.”
I tried to process her remark word for word. Beside me, Umika was strangely quiet as if
she had suddenly bitten her tongue. She turned away when I tried to study her reaction. I had no choice but to ask her out right.
“So you watch our shows?” I leaned over to press her for the answer with a raised eyebrow.
I tried hard not to enjoy myself. But I simply could not resist teasing Umika for the answers.
For a male idol myself, it certainly surprised me that a fellow idol of the opposite sex liked to watch the shows that I was in. I certainly felt special. There was this ‘doki-doki’ feeling going on throughout my body at that time. It was even more special because it was Kawashima Umika. I didn’t think she could be bothered to watch other idol’s shows on top of her busy work schedule.
I could tell that she was getting flustered over what she had just said to me. My question only
made it worse. Well, she came up with a reply for it anyway.
“Uh, sometimes… I mean when Uki comes over to the house, she like to watch your shows and Arashi’s. She likes to get ideas out of your shows so I just watch them along with her.”
My reply was simply an, “Ah sou.” I didn’t want to press her for more details and risk getting annoyed at me. It was almost as if she still had eyes for me - and I, for her only. I didn’t want to think that she was still hung over me. It would make what I was going to do even more difficult. I was resolved to end this ‘closeness’ as best as I could. I wanted us to be friends again and not have awkward encounters in the future.
“I never really expected to see you here… of all places.”
Her remark brought me back from my calculating thoughts. It was sincere after all and she
looked damn cute when she pushed back her glasses that were slowly sliding down to the bridge of her nose. And she was looking at me, seemingly awaiting my reaction to her remark.
I told her that it was the same for me. I then asked her what her business was in this
building.
She told me that her group, 9nine, was having CD jacket shooting for their new single. She then asked me what I was doing in this building. I was doing another magazine photo shoot for Duet.
What she said next brought me back my suspicions.
“You guys are having another single, right?” For someone who was supposedly ‘forced’ into
watching shows that starred Johnny’s artists like myself she was quite well-informed.
I just confirmed what she said. The thing was: everything was going quite well for us. Ryutaro’s return generated some decent sales in our first release earlier this year. A second album was in the works and was slated for a release sometime before this year ended. My eighteenth birthday was just a few months away. Umika would be celebrating hers in March of next year. To cap it all, she was happy for me. I felt a bit guilty for not acknowledging the same for her and 9nine. But then
again, it went without saying that I too was happy with how things were developing from her end. Silence soon descended upon us but we both didn’t seem to mind it. Things were no longer awkward between us.
And I didn’t want to spoil this closeness even if it was temporary. But something caught my attention at the corner of my eye: the necklace! She was still wearing it!
I calmly told her without so much as a glance at her direction, “You’re still wearing that. I’m
honestly both surprised and happy that you’re still wearing it.”
But she coolly explained it away as ‘having-to-wear-it-occasionally.’ I didn’t mind it at all.
In fact, it even sent my heart racing. Does she still have feelings for me? It was the very question that I had been asking myself over the last few minutes.
She doesn’t know that the necklace reminded me of what I failed at. Sure, my studies were a
piece of cake over my relationship with Umika but it was by far the one defining moment that I considered proudly achieving at something. It reminded me of what I lost. And I was already decided on ending things smoothly for the both of us.
Why is it always easier said than done?!
I read somewhere that it took great courage just to confess to the one you like and even greater courage to let go of the one you love.
My plan was sterling-simple: I had to let go of Umika.
Relieve her of her feelings for me. Let go of my feelings for her.
Our careers would suffer if our relationship was exposed for all to see.
It was better this way.
It was just how the rules were for us.
But Umika bravely chose to bend them. Her feelings for me were so overwhelming.
I was so amazed by how much one person could have so much… love… for one person.
By the time I got to the part where I asked her, “What happened to us?” There was no turning back for me.
Of course, the question would surprise her. I was even more afraid that it would scare her
away. I was afraid that it would drive the wedge deeper between us. Even in JUMP, I was the one who rarely let his emotion get in the way. As unbelievable as it may sound, I was quite shy even out in public by myself. Umika and I had that much in common with the shyness.
I don’t even go shopping or even eat out alone. I would usually go with my mother, Yama-chan or other JUMP members to do these things. Umika was almost the same but she was more of a private person and I really liked that about her. She knew how to carry herself out in public and it kept both of us out of trouble.
When I finally uttered those words, I was already feeling quite torn inside-out myself. And from the looks of it, Umika was too.
“What do you mean by what happened to us?”
My lines after that were barely making any sense. But in the end I managed to blurt out:
“What happened to us, Umika? Why did things fall apart between us?”
I had her undivided attention now because I didn’t have to wait long for a reply.
“I don’t know myself, Chii. But I think it was for the best.”
The words were quite familiar: she was using the words I told her when I had initially rejected her. I didn’t want to see her cry again. She was putting up quite a brave front. But I was already long torn-up inside than her this time.
“I don’t know myself, Chii. But I think it was for the best,” she said. The tears were coming.
It was then that I chose to face her and uttered the words, “For the best? Have you even been
happier when we broke up?”
“It’s not like that, Chii. You and I… we could never be together as long as we are in this
kind of work. We can never really have what we want.” Again, she borrowed my words. My thoughts. My sentiments of that fateful day in the library. It hurt to hear them.
Was this the pain she had been carrying with her all this time?
I now understood that she didn’t want me to feel forced into the relationship that we had.
She never did force me. That much I should have realized by now.
“This kind of work, huh?” I emphasized that reality. The reality that we were both living in as idols.
My right hand had slowly reached over to cover a section of my face. I let out a long, deep sigh.
I think she felt way worse than what I was feeling right now. I noticed her left hand reaching for the necklace. It was as if she too was praying with all of her might not to fall apart as I was struggling myself to do the same.
But she pressed on.
“We chose to be in this industry knowing fully-well that we could not always have what we want. We must have sacrificed a lot of things along the way and love just happened to be the first casualty.”
Her right hand was already on my left cheek after she shared those words, caressing it. I took
out my hand and for the first time, I was really desperately trying to fight back the tears from coming. I’m supposed to be the guy in this relationship. I had been always good with keeping my emotions in check. But this time, it was simply too… strong.
“Chinen-kun, I’m sorry that we didn’t have this conversation earlier but with this I -,” she paused, searching for the right word. “- no we, can finally move on.”
The next thing I knew she was already putting the necklace into my hands. Her hands clasped onto mine ensuring that the necklace stayed in my hands.
She then said, “Thank you for everything. The time I had with you allowed me to see the real you. The you that only a few people have been lucky enough to get to know. And for all it was worth, you’ve made me stronger and I feel blessed with the knowledge that I had once loved you deeply and must now love you only as a dear friend.”
I was somewhat shocked at the words she said. I could only stand there with the pain that I
had been feeling these few minutes. It was the same pain that Umika had suffered and kept to herself for close to a year now. She was moving on. I thought I had… but with this - things seemed clearer now.
So why do I feel like crying my heart out?
I was at a loss. I had definitely lost something today. And all I did was set it free.
She had leaned over her bowed head onto my chest. I instinctively hugged her. I took her in a
fierce embrace, my chin resting on her capped head. She did the same and hugged my waist. The seconds turned into a moments and the moments turned into what could have been an eternity.
But it was just not meant to be.
It was then that we heard some noise just outside the elevator. We quickly broke off from our
hug like startled puppies. We were debating on whether we really did hear anything. I was hesitant at first but the sound from the outside really seemed like a group of excited girls.
Umika decided to call out to the voices.
“Is anybody there? I’m stuck here.” She called as I pounded the doors for effect.
She also took out her phone and I immediately guessed that there would already be a phone signal. Umika then tried out a contact number. We instantly heard a ringtone from the other side of the elevator doors. It sounded quite familiar. I looked to Umika’s relieved and happy face and realized that it was 9nine’s summer hit song from last year. It was “Natsu wanna say love U.”
She was already conversing with Satake Uki on the other end. I could barely here the ecstatic
voices of her fellow members from the other side of the elevator doors. From what I could understand from all the chatter, they were reassuring Umika that power was being completely restored to the entire building.
Umika told them that she was fine and would have also told them that she was with me had it not been for the timely return of the elevator’s services. The elevator resumed its ascent leaving level 15 and continuing onto the preset levels of 19 and 20. I remembered that Umika was getting off earlier than I was - she had just told her friends that she’d meet them on the 19th floor.
As the elevator rose, I quickly took hold of her hand and pulled her to me. I was standing near the elevator’s sliding doors. I didn’t mean to be impulsive but there was a good reason for my doing it: when the elevator became operational again so did the single surveillance cam inside the elevator. I had placed my right index finger on her lips hoping she would pipe down and not get any ideas with what I was doing to her. I steadied her with one hand around her waist. I took my finger off her soft lips when I was sure she had grasped the reality of our current situation: it would be pretty much of a hassle and an inconvenience to both our public lives if they found out that two idols were stuck in an elevator. The cam’s blind spot was directly below it. If somebody did see us during that time, they’d probably think that we were about to kiss each other underneath a supposed mistletoe.
I held her like that for close to three minutes. We neither talked nor looked at each other. She only broke off from my embrace when our lift reached the 19th floor. Then the doors opened and she alighted from the lift still facing me.
The last thing she said to me was, “Arigatō, Chinen-kun. It was nice meeting you again.” She said all that while waving me goodbye as the doors closed shut between us. I was finally left to my lonely, pathetic self.
The elevator silently continued onto the 20th floor and I was greeted by the rest of JUMP who had gathered across the elevator, with their backs against the wall. They bombarded me with questions the moment I had got off the elevator. I told them that I was okay and I was not scared at all. The only one who noticed that I was just putting on an act was Yama-chan. He’d just about know me better than anyone else since we were practically almost inseparable with work. He gave me this ‘we’ll talk later’ look and allowed the rest of JUMP to spoil me a bit even though I arrived quite late for the interview. Both my agency’s staff and Duet’s staff agreed that it wasn’t my fault that I was late and continued with the photo-shoot sessions and interview.
It was only when I began to change into the various clothes that the photo shoot required that I
the necklace that Umika gave back to me. It had fallen off from one of the pockets of my jacket when I was changing. I slowly folded it in my hand. Yama-chan, who I thought was dozing off in the nearby sofa with a manga over his face, caught me in that sentimental moment.
He was quite perceptive even though he didn’t particularly do well in his studies.
“You should give it back to her, Chinen.”
“She gave it back.”
“But you bought it for her! I wouldn’t allow her to give it back if I were you.” He sat up, deftly catching the manga that fell down from his face.
“Isn’t it obvious that we’re no longer together? That’s why she gave it back to me.” I argued
back at him.
“Should that have stopped you from letting her keep it… at least… as a memento between friends?”
“I don’t know, Yama-chan. She was moving on. I’m trying to move on myself.”
“Tell me something: can you picture any other girl wearing that necklace?” He said all
this with his fingers forming a picture frame. He was already wearing that smug look that he usually wore when he was right about something.
The truth pricked me like only a needle could. He was right. I couldn’t imagine anyone else
wearing the necklace except for Umika.
I had to return the necklace.
By the time I glanced back Yamada, he was already standing up stretching.
“I’ll go first and take your place in the photo shoot. Don’t take too long though.” He told me.
Damn! Yama-chan was being kakkoi again. But he’s right. And I owed him for this.
“Sankyu!” I gave him a salute and rushed out of the room.
I begged for an envelope, paper and pen from Staff-san along the way and rushed off to two
flights of stairs down to the 19th floor. It didn’t take me long to find where 9nine was having their CD jacket photo shoot. I had scribbled down the note along the way. It was quite spontaneous and straightforward at the same time: I wanted her to know that the necklace had only one owner.
I put the necklace into the envelope along with the note and then sealed it. The only
person who was accommodating enough to hear me out and my little request was an effeminate hairdresser who remarked that I was cute and looked quite familiar. I didn’t stay long for him to get a fix on me. It would be quite troublesome if he did realize who asked him a favor. Plus, my attire disguised me a bit. The outfits that Duet made us wear this time made me look even more mature and even taller than usual.
I walked quickly towards the elevator I passed by in my rush to get Umika the envelope. When the doors closed shut, I could have sworn that I heard footsteps rushing towards the lift, I couldn’t stop the doors from closing shut in time and the elevator took me to the next level in a few seconds.
I offered a silent gomen for that person who wanted to ride the elevator. I was in a hurry to get back in time for lunch. 9nine was having theirs so JUMP would be having theirs too in a few minutes.
As I got off the lift, I silently wished that Umika wouldn’t take it the wrong way and decide in
turn to keep the necklace - even if she never wore it again.
It would be quite awhile until our paths crossed once again. I hoped for the best.
-------
A/N: Sorry for not updating SILY lately. here's the last part of Chapter 9. I'll publish Chapter 10 after we finish our feasibility this week... thou the next chapter will be shorter compared to chapter 9...
ow and by the way this is for
ryosuzuchi_chan
I wanted to post this last August 8 at her birthday but well I failed, so I know this is really late but Belated Happy Birthday Suzu-chan!
Thank you for reading!
Comments and critics are love...
Authors:
jlrui and
ranguren_chan
Pairing: UmiChii
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Umika decided to confess to Chinen but end up being rejected. She tried to move on but he didn't let her, and made her his girlfriend. Will Chinen manage to really love Umika and say "I love you" to her?
Chinen
Being trapped in that elevator, alone with her, the only thing that I wanted to do was to re-connect with her somehow without somehow appearing too needy of her attention. I noticed the distance between us. I thought that this was a good time as any.
“What are you doing there?” I began.
She was quite defensive.
“I like it here. It’s comfortable.” And we were back to a silent stalemate again. She looked
pretty pensive about something from where I was sitting. A minute passed by and
I couldn’t stand it any longer. I stood up and walked over to her area.
“Wait! Why are you coming over here as well?”
I was ready for that.
“You said that it’s comfortable here, right? I wanna try.”
I sat next to her despite her obvious discomfort and protest.
I continued having a conversation with her.
“You know what?”
“What?” She suddenly looked at me and asked me back. At least she wasn’t ignoring me like
earlier.
I told her that we could get out through a panel in the ceiling just like how Arashi’s Matsujun-senpai did in Hana Yori Dango with Inoue-san’s character.
I kind of grinned at the thought of it and said this while pointing at the panel in the ceiling
that was across us. I was trying to lighten the awkward mood between us. It was
just an idea and I could easily climb up there if need be.
I could see that she was imagining how it would go. But her reply surprised me.
My suggestion was greeted by a strong objection.
“I-ie!” She objected.
“Why not? I wanna try it and it’s better than doing nothing, ne?” I asked her trying
to clarify what she objected in the plan.
“I said ‘no,’ ero-Chinen! Can’t you see what I’m wearing?!”
Then she pointed down to her slackettes and thigh-high socks. I didn’t get it the first time. I
mean she could practically move a lot easier with her current get-up. She had
developed even more shapely legs since we were last this close to each other.
I told her that it’s not like I was going to look up anyway. I still couldn’t take my eyes off that slackette and that nice pair of socks. I was a guy after all. But some part of me told me that I was leering at her too much. She wasn’t my girlfriend anymore but I was getting jealous at the thought that someone else would be admiring her figure other than myself.
“Yeah, right! And you want me to believe that?! I don’t think so!”
She can be still quite kawaii even when she’s angry.
“You do have nice legs, ne?” I teased on.
It was meant to be a compliment. But instead I got rewarded by a light slap to the back of my
head.
She even told me off that I was the same as most men: perverted.
I couldn’t help but laugh at the way she said it.
I missed this.
“Itte! I was only joking, Umika!” I cried out. At least I know that she can be violent.
I massaged the part where she hit me. I’ve never seen her act like this in her dramas. Well, Heaven’s Flower was a lot different since she looked like Android No. 18 or like a female Terminator. There was
emotion in that slap. There was that feeling that brought me back to the time when I took her on a roller coaster ride for our first monthsary. She apparently caught me daydreaming again. So I tried my best to sound and act reassuring.
“So, we’ll just wait then.”
I tried to hold her hand but she went off into her own daydreaming mode. Her fingers began
moving like she was playing the piano. It’d be quite lame if I made a grab for her hand and she might find it imposing and annoying.
A minute of silence passed by… I couldn’t stand it so I interrupted her daydreaming.
“So going back to my question: how have you been?” I was looking at her intently at this point.
It the dimly-lit elevator, I could barely make out her face. But I was quite close to her when I brought up that question again. I wanted to know how she had lived out these past few months since our breakup.
“It’s been good…I guess.” She said this while raising her legs up so that she could rest her
arms on them.
She turned away and asked me the same question. With practiced ease, I used a ‘same-as-always’ reply. But her next remark really surprised me.
“Yeah, I often see you on TV these days and you’re doing well for yourself.”
I tried to process her remark word for word. Beside me, Umika was strangely quiet as if
she had suddenly bitten her tongue. She turned away when I tried to study her reaction. I had no choice but to ask her out right.
“So you watch our shows?” I leaned over to press her for the answer with a raised eyebrow.
I tried hard not to enjoy myself. But I simply could not resist teasing Umika for the answers.
For a male idol myself, it certainly surprised me that a fellow idol of the opposite sex liked to watch the shows that I was in. I certainly felt special. There was this ‘doki-doki’ feeling going on throughout my body at that time. It was even more special because it was Kawashima Umika. I didn’t think she could be bothered to watch other idol’s shows on top of her busy work schedule.
I could tell that she was getting flustered over what she had just said to me. My question only
made it worse. Well, she came up with a reply for it anyway.
“Uh, sometimes… I mean when Uki comes over to the house, she like to watch your shows and Arashi’s. She likes to get ideas out of your shows so I just watch them along with her.”
My reply was simply an, “Ah sou.” I didn’t want to press her for more details and risk getting annoyed at me. It was almost as if she still had eyes for me - and I, for her only. I didn’t want to think that she was still hung over me. It would make what I was going to do even more difficult. I was resolved to end this ‘closeness’ as best as I could. I wanted us to be friends again and not have awkward encounters in the future.
“I never really expected to see you here… of all places.”
Her remark brought me back from my calculating thoughts. It was sincere after all and she
looked damn cute when she pushed back her glasses that were slowly sliding down to the bridge of her nose. And she was looking at me, seemingly awaiting my reaction to her remark.
I told her that it was the same for me. I then asked her what her business was in this
building.
She told me that her group, 9nine, was having CD jacket shooting for their new single. She then asked me what I was doing in this building. I was doing another magazine photo shoot for Duet.
What she said next brought me back my suspicions.
“You guys are having another single, right?” For someone who was supposedly ‘forced’ into
watching shows that starred Johnny’s artists like myself she was quite well-informed.
I just confirmed what she said. The thing was: everything was going quite well for us. Ryutaro’s return generated some decent sales in our first release earlier this year. A second album was in the works and was slated for a release sometime before this year ended. My eighteenth birthday was just a few months away. Umika would be celebrating hers in March of next year. To cap it all, she was happy for me. I felt a bit guilty for not acknowledging the same for her and 9nine. But then
again, it went without saying that I too was happy with how things were developing from her end. Silence soon descended upon us but we both didn’t seem to mind it. Things were no longer awkward between us.
And I didn’t want to spoil this closeness even if it was temporary. But something caught my attention at the corner of my eye: the necklace! She was still wearing it!
I calmly told her without so much as a glance at her direction, “You’re still wearing that. I’m
honestly both surprised and happy that you’re still wearing it.”
But she coolly explained it away as ‘having-to-wear-it-occasionally.’ I didn’t mind it at all.
In fact, it even sent my heart racing. Does she still have feelings for me? It was the very question that I had been asking myself over the last few minutes.
She doesn’t know that the necklace reminded me of what I failed at. Sure, my studies were a
piece of cake over my relationship with Umika but it was by far the one defining moment that I considered proudly achieving at something. It reminded me of what I lost. And I was already decided on ending things smoothly for the both of us.
Why is it always easier said than done?!
I read somewhere that it took great courage just to confess to the one you like and even greater courage to let go of the one you love.
My plan was sterling-simple: I had to let go of Umika.
Relieve her of her feelings for me. Let go of my feelings for her.
Our careers would suffer if our relationship was exposed for all to see.
It was better this way.
It was just how the rules were for us.
But Umika bravely chose to bend them. Her feelings for me were so overwhelming.
I was so amazed by how much one person could have so much… love… for one person.
By the time I got to the part where I asked her, “What happened to us?” There was no turning back for me.
Of course, the question would surprise her. I was even more afraid that it would scare her
away. I was afraid that it would drive the wedge deeper between us. Even in JUMP, I was the one who rarely let his emotion get in the way. As unbelievable as it may sound, I was quite shy even out in public by myself. Umika and I had that much in common with the shyness.
I don’t even go shopping or even eat out alone. I would usually go with my mother, Yama-chan or other JUMP members to do these things. Umika was almost the same but she was more of a private person and I really liked that about her. She knew how to carry herself out in public and it kept both of us out of trouble.
When I finally uttered those words, I was already feeling quite torn inside-out myself. And from the looks of it, Umika was too.
“What do you mean by what happened to us?”
My lines after that were barely making any sense. But in the end I managed to blurt out:
“What happened to us, Umika? Why did things fall apart between us?”
I had her undivided attention now because I didn’t have to wait long for a reply.
“I don’t know myself, Chii. But I think it was for the best.”
The words were quite familiar: she was using the words I told her when I had initially rejected her. I didn’t want to see her cry again. She was putting up quite a brave front. But I was already long torn-up inside than her this time.
“I don’t know myself, Chii. But I think it was for the best,” she said. The tears were coming.
It was then that I chose to face her and uttered the words, “For the best? Have you even been
happier when we broke up?”
“It’s not like that, Chii. You and I… we could never be together as long as we are in this
kind of work. We can never really have what we want.” Again, she borrowed my words. My thoughts. My sentiments of that fateful day in the library. It hurt to hear them.
Was this the pain she had been carrying with her all this time?
I now understood that she didn’t want me to feel forced into the relationship that we had.
She never did force me. That much I should have realized by now.
“This kind of work, huh?” I emphasized that reality. The reality that we were both living in as idols.
My right hand had slowly reached over to cover a section of my face. I let out a long, deep sigh.
I think she felt way worse than what I was feeling right now. I noticed her left hand reaching for the necklace. It was as if she too was praying with all of her might not to fall apart as I was struggling myself to do the same.
But she pressed on.
“We chose to be in this industry knowing fully-well that we could not always have what we want. We must have sacrificed a lot of things along the way and love just happened to be the first casualty.”
Her right hand was already on my left cheek after she shared those words, caressing it. I took
out my hand and for the first time, I was really desperately trying to fight back the tears from coming. I’m supposed to be the guy in this relationship. I had been always good with keeping my emotions in check. But this time, it was simply too… strong.
“Chinen-kun, I’m sorry that we didn’t have this conversation earlier but with this I -,” she paused, searching for the right word. “- no we, can finally move on.”
The next thing I knew she was already putting the necklace into my hands. Her hands clasped onto mine ensuring that the necklace stayed in my hands.
She then said, “Thank you for everything. The time I had with you allowed me to see the real you. The you that only a few people have been lucky enough to get to know. And for all it was worth, you’ve made me stronger and I feel blessed with the knowledge that I had once loved you deeply and must now love you only as a dear friend.”
I was somewhat shocked at the words she said. I could only stand there with the pain that I
had been feeling these few minutes. It was the same pain that Umika had suffered and kept to herself for close to a year now. She was moving on. I thought I had… but with this - things seemed clearer now.
So why do I feel like crying my heart out?
I was at a loss. I had definitely lost something today. And all I did was set it free.
She had leaned over her bowed head onto my chest. I instinctively hugged her. I took her in a
fierce embrace, my chin resting on her capped head. She did the same and hugged my waist. The seconds turned into a moments and the moments turned into what could have been an eternity.
But it was just not meant to be.
It was then that we heard some noise just outside the elevator. We quickly broke off from our
hug like startled puppies. We were debating on whether we really did hear anything. I was hesitant at first but the sound from the outside really seemed like a group of excited girls.
Umika decided to call out to the voices.
“Is anybody there? I’m stuck here.” She called as I pounded the doors for effect.
She also took out her phone and I immediately guessed that there would already be a phone signal. Umika then tried out a contact number. We instantly heard a ringtone from the other side of the elevator doors. It sounded quite familiar. I looked to Umika’s relieved and happy face and realized that it was 9nine’s summer hit song from last year. It was “Natsu wanna say love U.”
She was already conversing with Satake Uki on the other end. I could barely here the ecstatic
voices of her fellow members from the other side of the elevator doors. From what I could understand from all the chatter, they were reassuring Umika that power was being completely restored to the entire building.
Umika told them that she was fine and would have also told them that she was with me had it not been for the timely return of the elevator’s services. The elevator resumed its ascent leaving level 15 and continuing onto the preset levels of 19 and 20. I remembered that Umika was getting off earlier than I was - she had just told her friends that she’d meet them on the 19th floor.
As the elevator rose, I quickly took hold of her hand and pulled her to me. I was standing near the elevator’s sliding doors. I didn’t mean to be impulsive but there was a good reason for my doing it: when the elevator became operational again so did the single surveillance cam inside the elevator. I had placed my right index finger on her lips hoping she would pipe down and not get any ideas with what I was doing to her. I steadied her with one hand around her waist. I took my finger off her soft lips when I was sure she had grasped the reality of our current situation: it would be pretty much of a hassle and an inconvenience to both our public lives if they found out that two idols were stuck in an elevator. The cam’s blind spot was directly below it. If somebody did see us during that time, they’d probably think that we were about to kiss each other underneath a supposed mistletoe.
I held her like that for close to three minutes. We neither talked nor looked at each other. She only broke off from my embrace when our lift reached the 19th floor. Then the doors opened and she alighted from the lift still facing me.
The last thing she said to me was, “Arigatō, Chinen-kun. It was nice meeting you again.” She said all that while waving me goodbye as the doors closed shut between us. I was finally left to my lonely, pathetic self.
The elevator silently continued onto the 20th floor and I was greeted by the rest of JUMP who had gathered across the elevator, with their backs against the wall. They bombarded me with questions the moment I had got off the elevator. I told them that I was okay and I was not scared at all. The only one who noticed that I was just putting on an act was Yama-chan. He’d just about know me better than anyone else since we were practically almost inseparable with work. He gave me this ‘we’ll talk later’ look and allowed the rest of JUMP to spoil me a bit even though I arrived quite late for the interview. Both my agency’s staff and Duet’s staff agreed that it wasn’t my fault that I was late and continued with the photo-shoot sessions and interview.
It was only when I began to change into the various clothes that the photo shoot required that I
the necklace that Umika gave back to me. It had fallen off from one of the pockets of my jacket when I was changing. I slowly folded it in my hand. Yama-chan, who I thought was dozing off in the nearby sofa with a manga over his face, caught me in that sentimental moment.
He was quite perceptive even though he didn’t particularly do well in his studies.
“You should give it back to her, Chinen.”
“She gave it back.”
“But you bought it for her! I wouldn’t allow her to give it back if I were you.” He sat up, deftly catching the manga that fell down from his face.
“Isn’t it obvious that we’re no longer together? That’s why she gave it back to me.” I argued
back at him.
“Should that have stopped you from letting her keep it… at least… as a memento between friends?”
“I don’t know, Yama-chan. She was moving on. I’m trying to move on myself.”
“Tell me something: can you picture any other girl wearing that necklace?” He said all
this with his fingers forming a picture frame. He was already wearing that smug look that he usually wore when he was right about something.
The truth pricked me like only a needle could. He was right. I couldn’t imagine anyone else
wearing the necklace except for Umika.
I had to return the necklace.
By the time I glanced back Yamada, he was already standing up stretching.
“I’ll go first and take your place in the photo shoot. Don’t take too long though.” He told me.
Damn! Yama-chan was being kakkoi again. But he’s right. And I owed him for this.
“Sankyu!” I gave him a salute and rushed out of the room.
I begged for an envelope, paper and pen from Staff-san along the way and rushed off to two
flights of stairs down to the 19th floor. It didn’t take me long to find where 9nine was having their CD jacket photo shoot. I had scribbled down the note along the way. It was quite spontaneous and straightforward at the same time: I wanted her to know that the necklace had only one owner.
I put the necklace into the envelope along with the note and then sealed it. The only
person who was accommodating enough to hear me out and my little request was an effeminate hairdresser who remarked that I was cute and looked quite familiar. I didn’t stay long for him to get a fix on me. It would be quite troublesome if he did realize who asked him a favor. Plus, my attire disguised me a bit. The outfits that Duet made us wear this time made me look even more mature and even taller than usual.
I walked quickly towards the elevator I passed by in my rush to get Umika the envelope. When the doors closed shut, I could have sworn that I heard footsteps rushing towards the lift, I couldn’t stop the doors from closing shut in time and the elevator took me to the next level in a few seconds.
I offered a silent gomen for that person who wanted to ride the elevator. I was in a hurry to get back in time for lunch. 9nine was having theirs so JUMP would be having theirs too in a few minutes.
As I got off the lift, I silently wished that Umika wouldn’t take it the wrong way and decide in
turn to keep the necklace - even if she never wore it again.
It would be quite awhile until our paths crossed once again. I hoped for the best.
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A/N: Sorry for not updating SILY lately. here's the last part of Chapter 9. I'll publish Chapter 10 after we finish our feasibility this week... thou the next chapter will be shorter compared to chapter 9...
ow and by the way this is for
ryosuzuchi_chan
I wanted to post this last August 8 at her birthday but well I failed, so I know this is really late but Belated Happy Birthday Suzu-chan!
Thank you for reading!
Comments and critics are love...