With Hair People Want to Touch All the Time

[jlh]

This Is Dedicated to That One Black Kid, comic by Keith Knight
Monday: who lives in that tiny ass town off the highway, in the middle of nowhere
Tuesday: who was not into hip hop in high school
Wednesday: who gets used as the reason why someone isn't a racistShort answer: Don't ask people you don't know well if you can touch their hair. It's

Comments

[jlh]

It was, except that until I started growing breasts people thought I was a boy. That was really annoying. And I don't have any pictures of me being a girly little girl in bows and pretty dresses and all that.

It is really weird, because I want to be nice, but I also don't want strangers touching me, and it's tough to say "no" without sounding cold or bitchy. I really hate it when they pull it and go "wow it's really so long!" and then let it sproing back, but that might be because that's what everyone does and it's like, yep, got it, I KNOW.

When I straighten my hair, I can't explain this, but I feel fatter. It's just sort of limply laying on my shoulders and it's really really long and I just do not like it at all. And it feels so strange against my scalp to be straight, like it's fake hair rather than my own real hair.

[calloocallay]

This has been a great series of posts. I have been especially interested by all the things you mention that don't seem racially motivated to me

[jlh]

I guess what I mean about responsibility is not, am I responsible for saying something, but more, should I be the end all of someone's racial knowledge? Like, did I fail my friend in high school that she was unprepared that all black people aren't like me? Should I have tried harder to tell her that they aren't? Am I responsible because I am black and I know things to research the things I don't know, or make clear the things I understand, so that I can be that one-stop shop for my white friends for whom I am their only black friend? That's really what I mean

[calloocallay]

Re Teaching one's casual acquaintances: It IS a scary thought to wonder if you are really one-stop shopping for an entire body of knowledge. I see what you mean.

Also, I would like to self-edit a bit: I did not mean to imply that these subjects were not fraught with racial significance, but rather that because of your posts, I now see these specific good hair and explainy-ness racial issues in a new light. Whew. I was slightly afraid all weekend that I had accidentally implied that I thought you were wrong.

Also, Chris got you a small present!

[jlh]

I was slightly afraid all weekend that I had accidentally implied that I thought you were wrong.

No, I never thought that. I can see how it could read that way, except that you would never say "You don't know what your experience means" so I knew you meant it the way you meant it.

I really hope that I'm leading people to do thinky things and then research further, though I think that making lots of links to things helps with that. Reading through the IBARW posts--and I haven't read nearly as many as I am going to--has been a huge learning experience so I'll probably also be pointing to some of those in the coming months, too.

Also: Yay for presents!

[ladylisse]

I...don't think I had any idea that people really did that. It's rude as hell.

[jlh]

People do so many things. You have no idea. And yet, if you say no, you're the one who seems rude. It's a no win, really.

[melieltathariel]

How about people you know touching your hair? When are you or are you not okay with it?
Thanks for all your posts this week; this one is something I'm often surprised to find a lot of white people don't know about. Many, many people are out there in complete ignorance of the fact that hair can be a big deal.

[jlh]

People I know and am friends with, I'm really fine with, because that's just something that friends do, is touch each other. So rather than it being objectifying, it's affectionate. They are touching me and also my hair, rather than my hair and also me.

Hair is such a huge deal that I know I didn't even begin to do it justice, because I don't actually have that wiry black hair, so I don't have that much experience in dealing with it.

Thanks so much!

[kerosinkanister]

Don't ask people you don't know well if you can touch their hair. It's obnoxious.

It is obnoxious. But at the same time at PR I do remember thinking your hair looked very touchable (not that it's something I'd actually do or ask to do with someone I don't know, or really anyone who isn't a girlfriend) so I think people are drawn to certain things. Once in a while I get that with the shaved head, someone randomly touching it just to see if or how smooth it is. I think if it's something people haven't had much exposure to they want to feel. But there's cultural things as well. The last time I was in France I got tons of attention with the shaved head but no random touching. I believe shaving is much less popular there but the people are more polite than to just come up for a feel.

[jlh]

Well, but that's exactly the thing, you wouldn't ask. It's not about not noticing difference, but about how you think it's okay to behave. You can say, "wow, that looks really neat" without being a jerk about it.

I think your shaved head suits you very well, actually.