It’s been a bit over three years since I was officially diagnosed with depression and started with therapy and medication. I can say without hesitation that overall, my life is much improved over 3+ years ago.
I am *mostly* over depression these days, despite wrestling with it for most of the first 30-odd (very odd, some of it) years of my life.
I'm also 30+ years into dealing with fibromyalgia (which has depression as one of its components)and other chronic pain issues and some days I can't even find my f-ing spoons, none the less bend over and pick them up. So I get it.
And yes, self-care is a particular struggle, especially since there is no one to do it for me if I don't do it for myself. Especially with deadlines and email and such. I swear, I'm going to exercise tonight. Probably.
On the bright side, I know some pretty cool people *looks pointedly at Jim* and tonight I sent in a completed manuscript. So, booyah.
I could go on at length about how much this resonates for me. I have fibromyalgia and get migraines, so I get trapped in a pain=depression=more pain=..you get the idea. In a cycle like that, self-care can be hard to prioritize, because your various responsibilities get little enough of you as it is. But you know, I'm mostly just commenting to use this icon ;).
I'm about two and half years behind you. Diagnosed last year in August on the verge of a breakdown that nearly hospitalized me. I had this fantasy that with a few months, I'd be "well" again.
I'm starting to realize that it's not about cure or well, it's about maintenance and faith, which is really weird for me to say, because faith is something I struggle with.
Your honesty in posting these things helps me more than I can say. Bless you.
Actually, the comment about faith makes sense to me. I can recognize much better these days when the brain-weasels of depression are screwing with me. That intellectual recognition doesn't really change anything in the moment, unfortunately ... but it does allow me to step back and tell myself that things will get better, and to trust that this is temporary. That feels like a kind of faith.
Exactly. A kind of faith. Not so much centered in an external force as in myself. That if I do the work...I can survive? But I mean that in a truly positive way.
Glarg. I keep telling my therapist that English is a truly deficient language when trying to talk about these sorts of things.
You're not being an ass, and this makes sense. At least to me.
It reminds me a bit of the Zen saying, "Before Enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment: chop wood, carry water." Only it's before/after diagnosis, instead.
It doesn't really work, because I wasn't chopping wood or carrying water before the diagnosis ... but I think it captures that sense of an ongoing journey.
I'll need to think about it a bit more to see if I can make that quote fit.
On the other side you're chopping pine, stacking wood.
The point is life and all of the bits that happen on either side of the diagnosis. On one hand it's as profound as a shift in species of tree you're cutting, on the other... it's still wood.
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I'm also 30+ years into dealing with fibromyalgia (which has depression as one of its components)and other chronic pain issues and some days I can't even find my f-ing spoons, none the less bend over and pick them up. So I get it.
And yes, self-care is a particular struggle, especially since there is no one to do it for me if I don't do it for myself. Especially with deadlines and email and such. I swear, I'm going to exercise tonight. Probably.
On the bright side, I know some pretty cool people *looks pointedly at Jim* and tonight I sent in a completed manuscript. So, booyah.
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::Lends Deborah some anti-gravity spoons::
And wait, which manuscript was this? Another Baba book???
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I'm starting to realize that it's not about cure or well, it's about maintenance and faith, which is really weird for me to say, because faith is something I struggle with.
Your honesty in posting these things helps me more than I can say. Bless you.
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Glarg. I keep telling my therapist that English is a truly deficient language when trying to talk about these sorts of things.
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It reminds me a bit of the Zen saying, "Before Enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment: chop wood, carry water." Only it's before/after diagnosis, instead.
It doesn't really work, because I wasn't chopping wood or carrying water before the diagnosis ... but I think it captures that sense of an ongoing journey.
I'll need to think about it a bit more to see if I can make that quote fit.
Reply
On the other side you're chopping pine, stacking wood.
The point is life and all of the bits that happen on either side of the diagnosis. On one hand it's as profound as a shift in species of tree you're cutting, on the other... it's still wood.
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I prefer Sporks, because at the end of the day, you can use the last one as a weapon.
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