Silence Is Not An Option

[jilesa]

I didn't think I'd have anything to say about the Richmond (California) High School rape story (Need I say this is triggery?) that's been peppered about my online communities recently, but this is a case where silence would make me feel I was condoning what happened in some way. (Whether that feeling is reasonable or not isn't up for debate,

Comments

[kightp]

Edited: My first response inadvertently created a violent and inappropriate pun that I didn't spot until I saw it in "print." Apologies, jilesa).

What she said.

[jilesa]

No worries, Pat. I understood what you meant when I saw the original comment in email.

But yes, the pun was pretty terrible.

[thnidu]

Gaaaahhhh!

[eleri]

I guess... I guess I have an invitation to the world, then, because I really don't think any of the men I know could participate in or condone such an act. If that makes me naive, or blind or stupid... *shrug* Maybe I choose to believe that men aren't evil, just for being male.

[jilesa]

I see no point in believing that every man I know is somehow an exception to the statistical data showing that 1 in 20 men have committed a sexual assault. And in fact, my personal experience would point to ratio being a lot higher, given that I can personally identify four different men of my acquaintance who have sexually assaulted me.

I'm sick of the assumption that rape is something that 'happens to women' without the obvious connection being made that if one in four women are sexually assaulted, that's a LOT of men doing the raping. They can't all be strangers to everybody. If you believe that no man you know has committed rape, that's your prerogative, and maybe every man you know IS a statistical oddity, but I doubt it.

Pointing out those odds is not the equivalent of saying all men are evil, and I'll thank you to burn that strawman where he stands.

[johnpalmer]

I think there might be a huge disconnect here.

How many men do you know, including the most casual of acquaintances? I'd imagine you probably know hundreds, maybe more.

If you meet a man today, and he seems like a decent fellow, and you later find that he's been accused of rape, do you assume the accusation *must* be false, because, after all, you know him, and he seemed like a decent fellow?

A lot of people do. They want to believe that a rapist is some horrible monster, and it's obvious, upon meeting one, that they are that horrible monster. I believe that's what jilesa is talking about.

[jilesa]

Thanks, John. That is largely what I was getting at, yes.

Rape is far too frequent in our society to think that all rapists are slavering monsters who are easily identified. If that were the case, the problem would be much easier to solve. We'd all just tune up our rape-dar and avoid anyone who pinged it.

But rape is, by and large, a crime committed by 'normal' men. Men with loving parents, wives, children, families, jobs, friends, etc. Men whose friends and loved ones honestly don't believe they'd commit such a crime. Pretending otherwise seems to be a denial of reality on a scale that I think is foolish.

[pagawne]

If the rapist were to be publicly castrated, it *might* slow some of this behavior down.

[jilesa]

I disagree, Paula. Aside from generally being of the opinion that violence only begets more violence, I'm well aware that capital punishment has never been shown to have a deterrent effect on murder rates. If state sanctioned murder of murderers doesn't deter people from committing that crime, I can't imagine why state-sanctioned mutilation would prevent rape. Hell, castration wouldn't even stop that individual from raping again, if he were really determined.

No, I think this is a problem that needs to be addressed in a systemic and preventive way, by changing cultural attitudes about it, in addition to legally addressing individual cases after the fact.

[dandelion_diva]

Yes, this.