Oh lord, not again. Well, I think there are a few things at work here.
1. Even a girl who has no particular interest in you may not always mention the boyfriend until you have a number of lengthy one-on-one interractions. I used to be really self conscious about mentioning some 'boyfriend' in a conversation, especially just for the sake of a story that might only be mildly relevant, because then it becomes all about how I have this boyfriend and maybe I'm just mentioning it to let people know that I have a boyfriend and la la la. This, it turns out, is a silly fear, but nevertheless it can be difficult to casually weave in the unnamed boyfriend into a fun, chatty, get-to-know you conversation
( ... )
everybody's got reasons. but results, ah well...jhanyaJanuary 4 2007, 05:25:35 UTC
"Marinate in the ambiguity." Hmm and indeed. Also an excellent album title. And, yes, not again. Except, actually, yes again. ugh. That stupid discomfort. I am familiar with it. I've known how surprisingly difficult it can be to simply 'mention' that you've a girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever. And, same token, I have a hard time simply asking, which would be one route out of this mess in future. My younger sister Simin suggested that clear and straightforward solution- "Just ask next time if they have a boyfriend." Surprisingly awkward for something so simple. I have been developing a theory, however. I don't intend to sound all, 'girls are evil' or whatever, but I do think a many of them enjoy the attention. And so let the ambiguity be. Understandable, but I prefer Corinna's bluntness.
Re: everybody's got reasons. but results, ah well...hchJanuary 4 2007, 20:47:39 UTC
I have been developing a theory, however. I don't intend to sound all, 'girls are evil' or whatever, but I do think a many of them enjoy the attention. And so let the ambiguity be.
:sheepishly raises hand from back of room:
Yes, some girls enjoy the attention, and some are naive or have low enough self esteem that the possibility of romantic interest does not always occur. My friend Mel and I used to have a juvinile companion phrase-- Boys are stupid! -- when they engaged in similar behavior. Sending a hug and good emotionally available girl kharma your way.
Re: everybody's got reasons. but results, ah well...jhanyaJanuary 6 2007, 22:30:35 UTC
Thanks for the karma, it is appreciated. I... I understand, or at least I think I do, how easy it is to just sort of enjoy the warmth of the attention and not worry too much about its other aspects, consequences, whatever. ("Maybe it doesn't even mean that. Maybe he's just being nice. And I wouldn't want to push him away, hurt his feelings.") And, sometimes, well... ambiguous is how it is, truly. Have to leave it unclear because the definition hasn't yet developed. But, man, it can be frustrating. For everyone, I expect. By the way, who are you?
I always find itgalganogJanuary 5 2007, 07:48:57 UTC
Perplexing how me and you became best friends. You always take the moral high ground, and are kind and considerate. I on the otherhand do things underhandedly and disregard many peoples emotions except people that I care about and am ultimately selfish in my goals
Re: I always find itjhanyaJanuary 6 2007, 22:33:45 UTC
odd how different things look from outside of high school. Our friendship is slightly mysterious in retrospect, but connections are connections. Of course, I wouldn't entirely agree with your summation of our differences, but I am curious: what about this particular story brought this up? (I didn't especially think of this story as a clear example of Danya being upstanding or anything.)
Comments 7
1. Even a girl who has no particular interest in you may not always mention the boyfriend until you have a number of lengthy one-on-one interractions. I used to be really self conscious about mentioning some 'boyfriend' in a conversation, especially just for the sake of a story that might only be mildly relevant, because then it becomes all about how I have this boyfriend and maybe I'm just mentioning it to let people know that I have a boyfriend and la la la. This, it turns out, is a silly fear, but nevertheless it can be difficult to casually weave in the unnamed boyfriend into a fun, chatty, get-to-know you conversation ( ... )
Reply
And, yes, not again. Except, actually, yes again. ugh.
That stupid discomfort. I am familiar with it. I've known how surprisingly difficult it can be to simply 'mention' that you've a girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever. And, same token, I have a hard time simply asking, which would be one route out of this mess in future.
My younger sister Simin suggested that clear and straightforward solution- "Just ask next time if they have a boyfriend."
Surprisingly awkward for something so simple.
I have been developing a theory, however. I don't intend to sound all, 'girls are evil' or whatever, but I do think a many of them enjoy the attention. And so let the ambiguity be. Understandable, but I prefer Corinna's bluntness.
Reply
:sheepishly raises hand from back of room:
Yes, some girls enjoy the attention, and some are naive or have low enough self esteem that the possibility of romantic interest does not always occur. My friend Mel and I used to have a juvinile companion phrase-- Boys are stupid! -- when they engaged in similar behavior. Sending a hug and good emotionally available girl kharma your way.
Reply
And, sometimes, well... ambiguous is how it is, truly. Have to leave it unclear because the definition hasn't yet developed.
But, man, it can be frustrating. For everyone, I expect.
By the way, who are you?
Reply
Sometimes i wish we could switch for a day.
Reply
Of course, I wouldn't entirely agree with your summation of our differences, but I am curious: what about this particular story brought this up?
(I didn't especially think of this story as a clear example of Danya being upstanding or anything.)
Reply
Leave a comment