mint condition, special edition, very rare and lined with glitter - Kradam - PG13
Title: mint condition, special edition, very rare and lined with glitter
Author: jeyhawk
Beta: ambigous_opal & titheniel
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. fic•tion noun 1. a literary work based on the imagination and not necessarily on fact, 2. a deliberately false or improbable account [syn: fabrication]
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Rating: PG13
Word Count: ~ 8,000+
Summary: Kris's friends sends him on a singles cruise to get over his not so recent break up. No one, least of all Kris, predicted he would end up falling for the entertainment.
Notes: I started writing this as a drabble for dev_earl but it kind of took on its own life and ended up being 8k of AU falling in love fic. I dunno. *g* In my mind this is just the first part of the cruise!verse, I have like... seven million sequels planned, but it'll have to wait until NaNo's over and done with. (If I don't have time to write a tiny one tonight.) Thanks to titheniel for her endless cheerleading and the insane amounts of notes that made this fic into what it is now. Love you BB, never change. ♥ The title will probably make sense once you've read the fic. ;0)
Kris knows that it's customary after getting out of a long relationship to get back on the proverbial horse, but no matter how much he loves his friends, a singles cruise was not what he had in mind. Unfortunately, by the time anyone had thought to ask him, the tickets were already booked, so here he is, feeling more uncomfortable and self-conscious than he ever has before in his life.
Last night had been okay. There had been this huge meet and greet dinner with 300+ people and Kris ended up sitting with two girls that took pity on him. He’d nursed the same beer all night, and the girls, who were single cruise veterans, told him all kinds of stories about what usually goes down on these things and he, in turn, told them all about Katy.
He's pretty sure by the way they’d hugged him and petted his hand that neither of them would date him if he was the last man on earth, but standing to the side of the sun washed deck watching people laugh and talk in groups and pairs, he finds that he really misses their company. He's not blind, he knows he's not completely unattractive or whatever, but he's also really kinda short and he wears a lot of plaid, so he doubts he's anyone's dream guy.
Whenever he moves around the other singles he feels like shark bait. He can actually feel the other guys sizing up the competition and the girls checking him out, and it's really kind of horrible. He never signed up for that kind of attention. Sure, he has this unfulfilled dream of becoming a rock star or something, but he's pretty sure being famous is WAY better than this. This… This is just horrible.
He takes his coffee with him and sits down on a stair in a quiet corner. At least the view of the ocean is amazing, that's something to take home, even if he's pretty sure no one back there will want to hear him talking about how the light played over the waves rather than how many phone numbers he got.
"Bored already, huh?"
Kris looks up at the unfamiliar voice, and then he looks up again because the dude is tall. He also wears make up, has a pink feather boa wrapped around his neck and looks the kind of fabulous you just don't see in Conway, Arkansas.
"I guess," Kris responds, looking down into the murky depths of his coffee.
The guy sits down next to Kris, forcing him to scoot over unless he wants the guy in his lap. Kris's not exactly sure what to make of this, since the guy doesn't exactly look like the type that goes on singles cruises (if there is a type). At least not to check out women, but that might just be prejudice. Kris's had a sheltered life in many ways.
"I'm Adam," the guy says, his hand appearing in Kris's line of vision.
"Kris," Kris says, shaking it while trying, and completely failing, to not notice the chipped black nail polish.
The guy, well, Adam, doesn't say anything more, obviously leaving the rest of the conversation, if there is to be one, up to Kris.
"So…" Kris says, focusing his eyes on the horizon. "You here for the singles cruise?"
Adam laughs. "Oh honey," he says, sounding like Kris's is just this side of brain damaged. "I'm the entertainment."
Now Kris can easily believe that, Adam looks like a pretty entertaining guy. Of course Kris's brain-to-mouth filter needs to be serviced so instead of asking what kind of entertainer, he gives Adam a doe-eyed look and says, "I didn't know they had strippers."
Adam just bursts out laughing; luckily, because not a second after the words left his mouth Kris realizes that was probably a pretty prejudiced thing to say. Just because Adam looks sinfully fabulous with his tight jeans, studded boots and feather boa it doesn't mean he likes taking his clothes off in front of strangers.
Sinfully? Did he just think that?
"God, you're precious," Adam says, patting Kris's plaid-clad back, and Kris kind of doesn't feel precious at all. He mostly feels stupid; he's got no experience to fall back on when it comes to talking to guys like Adam. The only gay guy he knows is Mike from church, and Mike's kinda plaid, like Kris. Not that Kris assumes Adam is gay, well, okay, he totally does, but he doesn't know if it's true and it most decisively doesn't make him nervous. At all.
"You know," Adam says, leaning back on his elbows and stretching his absurdly long legs out. "I've been doing these cruises for a while now and I thought I had every type pegged, but I'm not so sure about you."
Kris is kinda happy about that. He's pretty sure he doesn't want to be any type that fits on a singles cruise, but he also thinks Adam is wrong. He's exactly the type that goes on singles cruises. If he cared enough to ask around, he'd probably find a hundred guys with his exact sob story. The only difference would be that they actually signed up for this, and Kris didn’t.
Kris glances at Adam (and wow, the eyeliner really makes his eyes look intense) and shrugs. "I'm just… normal, I guess. Average in every way, except I'm a bit on the short side." He shrugs again, stretching his legs out next to Adam's. His feet dangle about level with the top of Adam's boot, looking sadly un-fabulous in his scuffed Vans. Not that fabulous was ever a factor in Kris's wardrobe choices, but maybe it would hurt to have just a little more flair.
"I like short," Adam says blandly, and Kris is not really sure why that makes him feel kind of hot. "And I don't think you're average."
Adam obviously doesn't know him at all, but that still makes Kris feel a lot better about, well, everything.
"Is that coffee?" Adam asks suddenly, eyeing Kris 's all but forgotten cup.
"Uh huh. You want some?" Kris offers the cup without even thinking and he can't read the look Adam gives him when he takes it. "I think it's getting kinda cold."
Adam still takes a long pull, grimacing when he swallows. "It is cold," he says. "And it really needs some milk and sweeteners."
"Sweeteners are bad for you," Kris says, out of habit. It's something he always used to say to Katy.
Adam chuckles, giving the cup back. "So is being overweight," he answers, which is pretty much exactly what Katy always said. It makes Kris smile, as he takes the cup from Adam's long fingers. Who would have thought it'd take a guy in eyeliner and a feather boa to make him think about Katy without sadness?
Kris sips the coffee, keenly aware of Adam watching him. Adam is right, it is cold and a lot more bitter now than when he started drinking it.
"So not average," Adam murmurs, but Kris doesn't respond because he's not sure he was supposed to hear that.
They sit in silence for a while, their elbows touching between them and their knees just inches apart. It's the most relaxed Kris has felt in ages, and he wonders if that means something. He was always a pretty vocal advocate for the theory that you fall in love with a person not a gender, but never in a million years did he think that would apply to himself. Not that he's falling in love with Adam or anything, but he can't deny there's this tiny little spark of something coiling at the pit of his stomach, making everything feel a little more exciting, a little more real.
Adam yawns and sits up straight. "I'm sorry to break up the party," he says. "But I should really go to bed."
"Oh… Well, sleep well."
Kris is kind of proud that he refrains from pointing out that it's 9am and that Adam should be getting up right about now, not going to sleep.
"Will I see you at the show tonight?" Adam asks, eyebrows rising.
"I guess," Kris answers. "If I survive the speed dating thing."
Adam laughs again; he's got a really nice laugh. "Here," he says, taking his boa off and wrapping it around Kris's neck. "You'll be beating the ladies off with a stick before the night is over."
Kris touches the feathers with a finger, and smiles. The boa smells like Adam's cologne, foundation and a healthy dose of perspiration. He's pretty sure he shouldn't like the combination, but he does.
"See you," he says.
"Count on it," Adam responds and then he's up and walking away over the deck, leaving Kris to stare transfixed at the way his hips sway.
*
Kris is not sure what it says about him that he leaves the boa on, even if it trails feathers all over his shirt, but as it turns out, it’s a great conversation starter. He probably speaks to more attractive women over the course of the day then he's done in his entire life. It doesn't really matter that half of them thinks he's gay and that half of that half (everyone that's been to one of these things before) thinks he's Adam's boyfriend. Kris considers it practice, because for every conversation he flails a little less, and by the time the speed dating event rolls around he's managing to keep conversations going without any awkward silences. Kris is on a roll.
He also learns a lot about Adam, in a pretty much non-creepy way. It's not like Kris asks, they just keep telling him things. So Adam is indeed gay, he's also twenty-seven, from California, Jewish (Kris had to think about that for a moment before deciding it didn't really matter at all), and he can sing. All of it adds up to Kris being really freaking excited for Adam's show; he just has to sit through the speed dating thing first.
The way it works (because there is significantly less guys than women) is that the men sit on one side of these long tables, and the women move from chair to chair every time the bell rings, which is every three minutes. Kris thinks it's ridiculous, (how the fuck are you supposed to connect with someone in less than three minutes?) but he keeps his mouth shut about that and throws one end of the boa over his shoulder.
He's aware that the guys on either side of him are giving him kinda weird looks, but he doesn't mind. Kris was in a committed relationship for seven years and he almost died doing missionary work, he's pretty sure he's got the higher ground (even if there is a chance God might smite him for thinking like that). If those guys are not comfortable with a man wearing a feather boa with his plaid, that's really their problem, not Kris's.
The speed dating starts and Kris's first girl is Megan from last night. She laughs at his boa and then they spend their three minutes talking about Adam. Apparently, Megan knows Adam from her previous cruises so she adds a few more pieces to Kris's Adam puzzle. (He was born January 29th in San Diego, has a brother, and he wants to become a rock star.) Kris's second girl frowns at his boa and things pretty much go downhill from there.
At the end he has pretty much stopped looking up at the girl sitting across from him, choosing to look at his little note card instead. There's nothing written on it except for January 29 and Lambert, which is just really really sad. This is why he doesn't really notice the commotion in front of him until a familiar voice says,
"Oh hi, Christopher, fancy meeting you here."
Kris jerks his head up to find Adam sitting across from him, the sourly looking girl he’s just dislodged from the hot seat standing behind Adam talking and in hushed whispers to one of the handlers. Whatever the handler is saying it's accompanied by a bunch of fascinating hand movements, one of which Kris is certain means, gay. He doesn't care.
"It is Christopher, right?" Adam asks, smile falling a little at Kris's lack of response.
Kris nods. "With a K," he adds, even if it's not really important. The tenseness is already starting to seep out of his shoulders, and he smiles when Adam's feet knock against his under the table.
"Have a last name?" Adam asks, but he's not meeting Kris's eyes, he's looking at something on the table.
Oh, right. The note card. Kris blushes crimson.
"Allen," he croaks, kind of hoping that the chair will open up and swallow him, because with the boa, and the note card, and everything, Adam's probably getting the wrong idea.
"So when's your birthday, Mr. Allen?" Adam asks, and yup, he's definitely getting the wrong idea.
"June 21st," Kris mutters, biting his lips nervously.
"Uh huh."
Adam reaches out and takes the note-card and Kris's discarded pen, adding Kris's birth date and last name under his own. Then he smirks and draws a heart around all of it. Kris had no idea it was actually possible to blush this hard without spontaneously combusting and he's pretty sure Adam is laughing at him, mirth dancing in his very blue eyes.
The bell chimes and Adam looks around. "What do you say we get out of here?" he asks as one of the handlers approaches them.
Kris nods numbly. They're going to make Adam leave and Kris would rather be blushing in Adam's wake than sitting through another three minutes of awkwardness.
One of Kris's neighbors looks away from whoever he's trying to impress to give Kris a look of pure disgust when he stumbles up from his chair on shaky legs, and he can't recall ever wanting to hit someone so much in his life.
"Not worth it," Adam says from the other side of the table, but his voice is tight with anger.
Kris nods, brushing past the asshole and walking down the narrow corridor between the tables. He's aware that people are looking at them and he just doesn't care. Adam keeps in step with him and they round the table at the same time.
Reaching out to take Adam's hand feels like the right thing to do, and the startled look on Adam's face makes up for any awkwardness.
Adam leads him by the hand to the top deck that is thankfully deserted at the moment. Kris can't stop looking at the way their fingers are laced together, wondering why he isn't feeling more awkward about it. It just feels right, like maybe this is where he was meant to end up all along. Adam must have redone his nails, because the polish is no longer chipped and more indigo than black. It's kind of pretty.
But then Adam lets go of his hand and Kris immediately starts to feel awkward, stuffing his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out again. For all the things he learned about Adam today, he's got no clue whether Adam already has a boyfriend or, if he doesn't, whether Kris is even his type. He kind of doubts it, plaid and glitter don’t mix very well.
"Thanks," Adam says, but he's not looking at Kris, he's looking up at the sky.
Kris is not sure what Adam is thanking him for and the way the moon paints Adam's cheek a startling white doesn't exactly give him any clues.
"When's the show?" Kris asks, because that should be a safe topic.
Adam smiles faintly, looking at him again. "I have to head down for sound check in about an hour, until then I'm all yours."
Blushing, Kris knows it intimately. Adam smirks and it gets worse. It's a vicious cycle that might end up with Kris permanently red-faced.
"Come on, let's take a walk," Adam says, and starts walking.
Kris falls into step with him, close enough that their arms keep brushing, but it doesn't feel weird at all. There's a path around the deck Kris is pretty sure he read in the brochure it's really meant for joggers, but there's no one jogging now, and it feels good to stretch his legs.
"Tell me about you," Adam says, and normally that sort of question has Kris scuffing his feet, but for once he doesn't have a problem talking about himself, because he wants Adam to know everything.
During their first lap he tells Adam about Katy. How he misses her, how he still loves her and how she broke up with him when he asked her to marry him. He also tells Adam the hard truth he figured out in the past few months, namely that Katy was right. The spark was long gone from their relationship and sometimes loving each other just isn't enough, a relationship needs more than that, or you're just best friends cock blocking each other. Adam laughs at that and bumps their shoulders together. It makes Kris warm inside.
The second lap is devoted to religion, or more specifically Kris's religion. He talks about his church, his love for God and the missionary work he's done. Adam doesn't say much and Kris keeps glancing at him, trying to read his mind, but Adam's face is carefully blank.
"What would your church buddies say if they saw us?" Adam asks suddenly, turning his face away to look out over the ocean.
"I don't know… nothing?" Kris answers. Why would his church friends even care that he's walking around with Adam?
"How about now?" Adam reaches out and takes Kris hand, lacing their fingers tightly together.
It's a good question and truth be told Kris doesn't really know. There's a gay guy in his church group, Mike, but everyone knew about him from the start. He's pretty sure it would be another thing completely if it was him, good old Kris Allen who they've all known pretty much since he was born. He likes to think it wouldn't make a difference, but he's not stupid enough to believe it.
"I don't know," he finally says, squeezing Adam's fingers. "I hope it wouldn't make a difference and I don't think they'd say anything to my face but… It would come as quite a shock to most people."
Adam nods, still keeping his face turned away.
"I believe that God loves everyone, regardless of skin color, religion and sexuality. It's the God I grew up to believe in and my church taught me that. I'm just saying that it probably would be hard for them to deal with."
Adam nods again, still looking out over the ocean. Kris feels as if he's navigating a mine field, and the likelihood of him losing a foot in the next few minutes is pretty high.
"I know there are a lot of religious assholes," he says softly. "But I'm not one of them and my church isn't like that. There's a gay guy in my church group and I'll never forget the first time I met him. He had just moved to town and he was so scared, you know? He stood up in front of all of us and just blurted it out and I thought for sure he was going to faint. My mom was the first one to embrace him and I was so proud of her for that, am so proud, and I wowed that very minute that I would never ever be an accomplice to making someone feel like that again if I could help it."
Kris never even realized how much of his first meeting with Mike that stuck with him, but as soon as he brings it up he can see the white tint to Mike's lips and the embarrassed flush of his pale cheeks as if it was yesterday and not years ago.
Adam lets go of his hand to clutch the back of his neck. "I think I like you, Kris Allen," he says and Kris shines like the sun. They made it out of the mine field and no one lost any body parts.
The third lap he talks about his family. How much they mean to him, how devastated they were when Kris and Katy broke up and how they worry about him. He tells silly stories from his childhood, even sillier stories from his adulthood and by the end of it he's pretty sure his new life goal has nothing to do with God and everything to do with making Adam laugh.
The fourth lap Kris's voice starts to give out and he tells Adam about his music. Adam is duly impressed by the fact that he plays several instruments and he coaxes and cajoles until Kris sings him something from one of the songs he's written. He blushes the entire time and his tired voice cracks at the high notes, but it's okay, because he's got Adam's attention; all of it, focused on him, and he feels like the biggest star in the world.
"So yeah, that's me," he says with a small smile when they start on their fifth lap. "Now it's your turn."
Adam starts to shake his head slightly, but then he seems to think better of it and starts talking instead. He talks about music, about dating and having his heart broken, but also about drugs and hooks ups and everything that Kris has never done. It's almost like he's trying to drag out the ugliest things about himself to challenge Kris. The problem for Adam is that the moral of every story he tells is that Adam is a much better person than he pretends to be.
For instance, he tells this story about how he let alcohol and anger get the better of him, punching some taunting college kid in the face and nearly taking out one of his eyes with his rings. The story could have ended there, with assault charges and Adam walking away, but instead it ends with Adam taking the guy to the hospital and staying until he knows he's going to be alright. Apparently they are still friends, and Kris doesn't think Adam even realizes that's not a story about how he's an asshole.
Adam's stories takes up another couple of laps and by the end of the eight one Kris's legs are really starting to get tired and Adam's running late for his sound check.
"I really, really have to go," Adam says, eyeing the stairs like he's sure someone's gonna come up it any moment to forcibly drag him away. "But I'll reserve you a seat, okay?"
"Okay," Kris says and he's kind of disappointed when Adam aborts his move to touch him in favor of running down the stairs. He's got no clue what's happening here, but maybe his sexuality is not as cast in iron as he thought it was.
*
Kris’s got about an hour to waste before the show starts and he considers using it to change into something that isn't plaid, but decides against it because he doesn't want Adam to think he's actually trying. He fiddles his phone out of his pocket and someone must be smiling at him because he actually has reception. He spends a few minutes trying to decide who to call but in the end he goes with his brother.
Daniel picks up on the first ring, he's probably surprised Kris lasted this long.
"Wassup bro?" he asks. "Having fun?"
"No… Yes… I don't know."
Daniel laughs, and it's so familiar and safe that Kris finds himself sitting down on one of the lounge chairs, pressing the phone closer to his ear. Daniel is his brother, loving him no matter what is in the brother handbook. Kris would still love Daniel if he married a sheepdog. He wouldn’t understand, but he'd still love him.
"So did you meet anyone yet?" Daniel asks, and he really doesn't sound as if he's all too hopeful.
"Uhm… I don't know… I think… Maybe?"
"Still new huh?"
"I've been here for twenty-four hours, of course it's still new."
Daniel laughs again and Kris can hear rustling as he moves around. "So tell me about her," Daniel says. "She must be something special for you to call me like this."
Kris takes a deep breath. "It's not a her," he says, the words rushing out of his mouth, nearly unintelligible.
Daniel doesn't answer for a while. Kris even checks the phone to see if he lost reception, but of course he hasn't, he can still hear Daniel breathing. He just managed what he always thought to be an impossible task, he rendered Daniel speechless.
"Did I hear that right?" Daniel finally asks, and Kris almost takes it back but doesn't.
"Yeah," he says, voice weak. "Yeah, you did."
Daniel actually laughs. "What is it with you, bro? Always trying to one-up me?"
"I'm older," Kris responds, because that's his answer to everything.
Kris can almost hear Daniel shaking his head. "Do I even want to know?"
Kris shrugs, then realizes that Daniel can't see it. "You tell me."
"Tell me when you get home," Daniel says after another long silence. "I think I need a couple of days to process. I'm not mad or anything… I just… I sent you away to maybe get drunk and have some fun, I didn't expect you to turn gay."
"Me neither," Kris says wryly. "And I don't know if I'm actually… gay. I'm just… really confused about this guy."
"Okay, bro. I'll talk to you when you get home. Have fun now and for God's sake, use a condom."
Kris flushes bright red and opens his mouth to protest, but the line is already going dead.
"Well, that was painless," he mutters, mostly to himself.
There's a sound behind him and he starts, spinning around to see if maybe Adam is back. It isn't Adam, but a girl with really red hair. Kris tries not to look too disappointed.
"You must be Kris," she says, grinning from ear to ear.
"Uh… yeah," Kris says, eyeing her nervously. She looks a bit young to be one of the cruise participants, but you never know.
"Adam sent me up to get you. He was afraid you'd miss the show. I'm Allison, by the way." The words tumble out of her mouth and it takes him a moment to make sense of them. "He said to look for the tiny one wearing plaid but he didn't say anything about you being so cute." She winks at him and Kris blushes, again. It's getting to be a thing.
"Maybe he doesn't think I'm cute," Kris says and pushes himself up from the chair.
Allison laughs like it's the funniest thing she heard all day. She's got a good laugh, hoarse but high-pitched and highly contagious. Kris finds himself cracking up as well. Maybe it's the absurdity of the day finally catching up with him.
"Let's go then," he says, grinning when she offers her arm. He figures it won't really do any damage to his reputation around here being seen with someone that is probably way too young. He probably shot that to smithereens when he put on the boa.
*
Adam reserved a table for Kris at the very front and as soon as he's seated a waiter appears with a complimentary drink. The waiter is kind of cute, which is not the kind of thing Kris would have normally noticed. This thing with Adam apparently blasted his preferences wide open. As he sips his drink and waits for the show to start, he glances around, trying to spot other guys in the audience that he finds attractive.
The drink tastes like apples and by the time the curtain lifts Kris has worked out a theory. He finds about one guy out of ten attractive. It's not a very scientific theory, but for some reason he finds it reassuring that Adam is not the only guy he could consider kissing. He wonders if it's always been like this, if guys have always been an alternative. He supposes the point is moot. He's always been a one person at a time guy and he was with Katy for so long he trained himself out of noticing other people. Sure, he's taking notice now, but there is already one person he'd rather be close to, so he's not going to go around kissing other guys just because he's finally figured it out.
The light dims, and with it the noise of hundreds of people talking at the same time, and then the curtain goes up with a bang. Kris doesn't really know what he expected, but he didn't expect this. Adam can sing, there's no two ways about it. He can sing the pants off of anyone, Kris is sure of that. But that's not even the point. The point, if Kris could tear his eyes away from him for long enough to actually formulate it, is that Adam owns the space around him.
Kris has never seen a performer like Adam, and he's been to his fair share of shows. Adam twists and swivels and thrusts and sings and it's impossible to look away. Kris forgets all about his drink, he's pretty sure he even forgets about breathing, because he's mesmerized, caught in Adam's thrall.
Then the show ends and Kris is on his feet, clapping so hard his palms ache and he's pretty sure the smile on his face could be considered ridiculous. The boa gets caught between his hands and he laughs at the flurry of feathers raining down around his feet. On the stage, Adam takes a bow, sweat glinting on his face and arms. Kris really wants to know what it tastes like and the thought doesn't even freak him out.
Once the stage goes dark, Kris collapses back in his chair, sucking in a breath when he realizes he's half hard just from watching Adam perform. He probably should have noticed sooner, but he was kind of busy trying to remember how to breathe once Adam started gyrating those hips of his. He reaches for his drink and takes a huge swallow, emptying the bottom dregs of the glass. He almost ends up choking on a piece of apple and coughs until he’s almost blue before being able to draw breath properly.
He longs for privacy and about three years to think this through, so of course that’s when Allison shows up and before he knows it, he's being dragged backstage with her hand like a vice around his arm.
Adam is surrounded by a group of people, but he looks up and grins when he spots Kris, motioning with his hand for Kris to come closer.
Kris feels like a fly caught in the web of a glittery spider and he tries not to think about the way his knees tremble as he starts moving. He's well aware that people are staring. In his subdued clothes he fits in about as well as a worm in a pit of black adders, but he’s only got eyes for Adam.
"Hey," he says, when he's close enough, looking up helplessly at Adam. Every confused thing he's feeling is clearly visible on his face, because Adam takes one look at him and grabs his arm.
Once again Kris finds himself being dragged along and he's pretty sure he can hear Allison laughing behind him. He can't bring himself to care though, it's pretty impossible right now to care about anything but Adam's fingers on his arm and the tight set of Adam's jaw. Kris stumbles a couple of times, feet tripping over wires and unexpectedly high thresholds, but Adam keeps him upright, leading him away from the crowd and the noise, until Kris can't even hear it anymore.
They're clearly entering a residential area of the ship, but it's significantly less fancy than the corridor where Kris finds his own room. The rugs are faded and almost threadbare in places, and there's a distinct smell of sauerkraut lingering in the tepid air. The walls are the same subdued beige, but here they are scuffed and dented in places, showing the wear and tear.
Adam finally stops in front of a door with the number 35 on it, and produces a keycard from his front pocket, sliding into the handle to get the door open. Kris swallows, because he's pretty sure he knows what's going to happen when they step through that door. He can already see it way too vividly in his mind -- Adam pressing him up against the door, Adam kissing him until he can't breathe, clothes magically disappearing, then Adam pressing him into the mattress that is probably a lot less comfortable than the one Kris has upstairs… His mind thankfully blacks out there, breath already shortening with acute, confused want, because he wants all that, wants to do it with Adam.
Then Adam lets go of his arm and bangs his forehead against the door. "Fuck," he mutters.
Kris swallows, reaching out to touch Adam's shoulder. His shirt is damp with sweat and the muscles bunch up and tense we he puts his hand there.
"This is not who I am," Adam says, turning around to lean his back against the door. He looks tired, with eyeliner smeared under his eyes and a sad tilt to his mouth.
Kris reaches out to touch him again because he still wants, but Adam shakes his head slightly and Kris lets his hand drop. He stuffs both his hands into his pockets and ducks his chin, because somehow it feels as if he just made a fool out of himself. He backs up until he got his back against the opposite wall, putting some distance between them, even though the corridor is too narrow for there to be a lot of it.
"Shit," Adam hisses, scrubbing a hand over his face and smearing his eyeliner even more. Glitter from his eye shadow trails down the bridge of his nose in the wake of his fingers, and Kris can't stop staring. He wants to reach out and touch again, and he resolutely balls his hands into fists in his pockets. This is stupid. Shouldn't he be the one freaking out?
"I can't do this right now," Adam mumbles without looking at him. "I… I just can't."
He spins around and uses the keycard again, but this time he actually pushes the door open, disappearing inside. There's a muted huff when the door closes and a puff of alluring scents dances on the air for a moment, then it's gone, and Kris doesn't really know what to do. He's got no clue where he is and he's quite certain he won't be able to retrace their steps, because there were stairs, and Kris's sense of direction isn't very good even on a normal day.
Kris’s pretty sure he just got rejected, and his chest feels stupidly tight. He untangles the boa from around his neck and puts it down before Adam's door. It looks pretty sad now, missing half its feathers and matted with use, but Kris is not going to hang onto it as some sort of sad memorabilia. He'll stay away from Adam from now on, even if that means spending the reminder of the cruise in his cabin.
Resolutely, he starts walking in the direction they came from and ignores the little voice in his head that keeps telling him he's walking away from what could have been the most amazing thing that ever happened to him.
*
Kris wakes up to a text message from Daniel, the beeping of his phone waking him with a start from his restless dreams. He kind of feels like he hasn't slept at all and Adam's rejection still sits like a heavy weight across his chest. It's stupid, he didn't even feel like this when Katy turned him down the first time he asked her out.
Daniel's message is short and to the point: still gay? Kris blinks bleary eyed at the phone and sends a message back: probably, but he's being a dick about it. He feels slightly better afterwards. He's not in the habit of calling people dicks, but damn, it feels good. Daniel doesn't answer and Kris resolutely doesn't fret about what that means. He takes a shower instead.
Coming out of the shower, Kris spends way too long looking at his blurry image in the foggy mirror. Maybe he misinterpreted Adam all along. Kris knows he looks pretty okay, in that boy next door kinda way, and elderly women think he's adorable, but that's probably not the kind of thing Adam's looking for. He's got no clue how Adam's ex boyfriends might look like, but he's pretty sure they're not homely. He imagines Adam favoring guys that are more like himself, remarkable and fierce.
Great, now he's feeling bad about calling Adam a dick and even worse for figuring out this whole crush thing was hopeless to begin with. So he’s figured out he's bisexual, fine, that doesn't mean all the gay boys want to fuck him.
"You suck," he tells his mirror image. He decides to push this whole mess out of his mind and try to be more active in the cruise activities instead. His friends did send him on this cruise to have some fun and he's gonna have some fun if it kills him.
*
Five hours later Kris is pretty sure that having any kind of fun on this damned boat that doesn't involve one Adam Lambert might actually kill him. He's participated in the Breakfast Butter Up (horrible, horrible event, where you're supposed to go around giving random compliments to the other participants; Kris got it wrong to begin with when he told the guy standing next to him he liked his shirt, and it just went downhill from there), an early morning round of charades for the poor souls that didn't get any last night (Kris sucks at charades, he really does) and now he's standing in a forever long line to get his random lunch date.
He's tired, miserable, and he would pay thousands of dollars to be anywhere but here.
He's probably going to disappoint whatever girl gets his name in the draw, and he doesn't see the point in even trying. Even Katy turned him down in the beginning and he was with her for almost seven years after that. He just doesn't make a winning first impression.
"Thank God, there you are. I've been looking for you everywhere."
Kris starts at the sound of Allison's voice and easily spots her walking across the deck, her crimson hair shining like a beacon in the glaring sun. He smiles at the sight and steps out of the line. He'd rather spend five minutes talking to Allison than another five seconds in the slow moving queue. Waiting isn't fun, not even when there's an actual reward at the end.
"You have to talk to Adam, okay?" Allison says, waving her hand in the air empathically. "He's being ridiculous about this whole thing."
"Uh," Kris says, because he's not actually sure what he could say to stop Adam being ridiculous and also, he's kind of scared of getting slapped in the face by one of Allison's flailing hands.
"Exactly," Allison says, as if Kris's addition to the conversation was a particular piece of brilliance. "This knight in shining armor act he's got going is so unbecoming."
"Knight… I'm not sure I understand."
Kris glances around and realizes that their conversation, well Allison's part at any rate, is starting to attract attention, so he grabs her arms and pulls her away from the line to a more private part of the deck. He doesn't want the entire cruise to know about Adam's problems and how he desperately wants to help.
"Well, it's like this," Allison begins. If she noticed Kris dragging her along, her face gives no indication of it. "You're straight, right? If you looked up the word straight in a dictionary, there's a picture of you next to it."
"But," Kris starts, but she holds up a hand to silence him. Her nail polish is the same indigo blue as Adam's was last night, it's pretty.
"And Adam, he doesn't go for straight guys. It's in the gay handbook, or some shit."
Kris nods, because he supposes that makes sense. Messing with straight guys does seem like a very stupid idea, but Kris obviously isn't very straight (never mind that he realized that yesterday), so Adam is indeed being ridiculous.
"And Adam's just going on and on about how he's not that kind of guy and how'll he'll ruin your life and how you'll hate him afterwards and it's driving me insane, because if he really thought he was doing the right thing he wouldn't be going on about it like this. There's obviously something between you guys and from the looks of it, it's something fucking special, so I'm not going to let him mess this up. Got it?."
"Uh… Got it."
Kris mind got kind of stuck on what might happen before afterwards in pretty Technicolor details, so he's not really sure what he just agreed to. Luckily, Allison has a plan.
*
Allison's plan is really simple. There's a secluded corner on the deck where Kris and Adam took their walk last night that the crew sometimes uses for romantic endeavors. ("No sex though," she warns. "Noise travels really well over water.") She provides Kris with a blanket, a picnic basket and a shitload of candles and tells him to set it all up around seven pm, when the rest of the ship will be busy with the Dinner Date event.
Except for the sex comment that made Kris blush so hard he thought he might actually die from it (and before he met these people he never thought shame would be a likely cause of death), Allison's plan is pretty much brilliant in its simplicity. Hopefully, it'll prove to Adam that Kris is not a hapless victim of nasty gay man cooties but a formerly straight man completely capable of making life-altering decisions just because he wants to.
Once everything is set up and Kris has hidden his guitar out of sight (it seemed like a stroke of brilliance to bring it with him, but then he realizes it might look like he's trying way too hard), all that's left is to wait. Allison had promised she could lure Adam up here and that it wouldn't matter if he suspected something, because he would be too curious to let it rest. She didn't say exactly what time said luring would happen, though, and it only takes Kris five minutes to start feeling completely ridiculous while freaking out about Adam not showing up.
He shouldn't have worried. A quarter past seven, Adam walks up the stairs and all Kris can do is stare. Compared to their other meetings, Adam's clothes are seriously understated, tight black jeans, coupled with a simple black t-shirt. A studded black belt shows on one side where the t-shirt is riding up slightly and he's got his feet stuffed into a pair of boots. He looks absolutely breathtaking and if Kris had any lingering doubts, they're gone now.
Adam doesn't spot Kris right away, but he does spot the picnic blanket, shaking his head slightly with a small smile tilting the corners of his mouth up. Kris is pretty sure he should say something, but he’s not entirely sure he can say something. At least not something that doesn't come out entirely inappropriate, so it's Adam that breaks the silence.
"Kris," Adam says softly, and he's not even looking at Kris, so he probably hasn't spotted him yet.
Kris forces himself to move into the light, looking at Adam with the same helpless want as last night. Adam's hair is in wild (but probably artfully styled) disarray, sticking up in odd tufts and ends, too shiny to be real. Kris wants to touch it.
"Damn it, Kris," Adam says, but he's moving closer, until Kris has to tilt his head back to look up at him. "This is not how the story's supposed to go."
Kris licks his lips. "Who says you get to write all the chapters?"
Adam doesn't answer, he just stares, and normally that would make Kris uncomfortable, but caught in Adam's gaze, he just feels beautiful.
"I can't wrap my mind around you," Adam murmurs and his voice is intense, sending shivers skittering down Kris's spine.
"Maybe it's not your mind you need to wrap around me," Kris answers, and he really shouldn't let his mouth go on autopilot, it makes dying of shame just that much more likely.
Adam's eyes go comically wide for a moment and then he bursts out laughing. It's this deep belly laugh that makes Kris feel all warm inside, even if he's still blushing so hard he's sure he glows in the dark. Then Adam wraps him up in a full bodied hug that makes everything feel better even if Adam's still snorting with laughter.
Adam releases him and Kris congratulates himself on successfully ruining the mood. He can't understand why Adam is having problems figuring him out when in Kris mind Adam's the true enigma of the two of them.
"Let's eat," Adam says, tugging on Kris's wrist until he gets on with the program and takes a seat on the blanket.
It takes a few minutes, but soon they get the conversation flowing as easily as the day before, trading stories and little pieces of information as if they're collecting cards in the huge card decks of their lives. Kris is pretty sure that if everyone actually had a card deck with cards describing the important moments of their life, Kris's would be a pleasing shade of sepia while Adam's would be dipped in glitter. He shares this thought with Adam, who bursts out laughing again. Making Adam laugh could really be Kris's new life goal. He's sure there's a card for it in his deck, mint condition, special edition, very rare and lined with glitter.
By the time the Dinner Date event is over, broken strands of conversation drifting up at them from the lower decks, they are lying side by side on the blanket, looking up at the night sky. Their hands are touching between their bodies, Kris's knuckles against Adam's palm and he loves knowing that, if he wanted to, he could take Adam's hand, and Adam would let him.
"Do you ever wonder where your life is going?" Adam asks.
Kris tilts his head to look at him, but Adam's eyes are on the sky, the heavy moon painting his face in shadows and silver.
"Doesn't everyone?" Kris answers blandly.
"My contract with the cruise company runs out in January," Adam says. "My last cruise starts on my birthday actually." A ghost of a smile whispers over Adam's lips. "It's a gay singles cruise… best birthday present ever."
Kris makes a noncommittal sound, but he already hates all the faceless gay men wanting to get into Adam's pants and probably succeeding, just because they're not formerly straight guys from Arkansas.
"They want me to stay." Adam sighs. "They're offering me a pretty hefty pay rise and lots of benefits, but I'm just not feeling it. I can't do this for the rest of my life. This isn't… It isn't who I'm supposed to be."
"I used to think I could be famous," Kris says, and he's not sure he ever admitted it out loud before. "Not like, superstar famous. More like… I dunno… singer/songwriter famous? But I guess that in the end, I'm just too lazy. Too content with taking what life gives me and not asking for more."
"You should ask for more," Adam says, fingers closing around Kris's hand.
"I am asking for more," Kris murmurs. "But I'm not sure you're listening."
Adam's fingers tighten around Kris's for a moment and then he lets go. "Play me something," he says.
Adam’s spotted the guitar, of course, it's not like Kris's hiding place was brilliant, but he feels very reluctant to get up.
"Please," Adam says and there's so much sadness in his voice that Kris just can't say no.
He settles down with his back against one of the life jacket containers, guitar on his lap. Adam shifts so that he’s got his head against Kris's crossed ankles, and Kris can't stop thinking that if he put the guitar away, Adam could move up and then Kris would have Adam's head in his lap, and he could spend the rest of the night tracing his fingers over Adam's face until that sad look was gone from his eyes.
Adam wants to hear him play though, so he strums his fingers over the strings, coaxing out random chords while he tries to decide what to play. In the end he plays a song he wrote years ago, his freshman year in college, and that he never really figured out what it was about. It makes perfect sense now though, it's like future!Kris went back in time and wrote a song about this exact moment, and it's only just now aligning right in his head.
The original has this deep melancholy feel to it, but Kris finds that playing it for Adam his voice strains for higher notes, making it more powerful and hopeful than sad. It's about change and about wanting more than you can have, but at this moment in his life it's okay, because he's not scared anymore. Nothing is holding him back.
Adam doesn't say anything when he stops playing, but he's watching Kris from under his bangs. "Another one," Adam croaks and Kris just can't deny him.
He serenades Adam with every love song he's ever written and then a few that he didn't write but still tries to make his own. He plays until his fingers ache and his voice cracks, and somehow he doesn't even realize they've got an audience until he looks up and finds half the deck full of people.
Kris isn’t sure Adam's noticed their audience, either because when the final note rings out, Adam's already moving, getting up on his knees and scrambling forward until he's close enough to capture Kris's lips in an awkward, dry-mouthed kiss. The guitar is caught between them, digging into Kris's stomach, and their impromptu audience starts clapping, but Kris can't even bring himself to care because holy fuck, Adam is kissing him.
It's not until Adam starts to pull away that Kris realizes he should maybe be participating in this whole kissing thing, so he slides a hand up to the back of Adam's neck and pulls him back in, opening his mouth against Adam's for a kiss that takes his breath and what remains of his sanity away. It's Adam that finally breaks the kiss, pulling away to look at Kris. Adam's got his hands cupped around Kris's face and he's tethering awkwardly on his knees, but his smile is filled with such pure joy that Kris shivers inside.
Someone whistles, and Adam finally seems to realize they've got an audience, sinking back on his haunches with a strained laugh.
"Now, how's that for a first kiss," he says, hint of a blush coloring his cheeks, but his smile is still stretching his face wide open and Kris couldn't care less that they've got an audience, because it feels like they're the only two people that matters in the whole damned world.
Kris licks his lips. "If it's any indication of what the rest will be like, I'm thinking we're gonna be just fine," he murmurs.
Adam laughs again, but when their eyes lock Kris knows they're finally on the same page. It no longer matters that Adam is most likely an alien and that Kris used to be straight, because they stumbled across something that's way more important than who they used to be.
From this point on, all that matters is who they are, and what they can be together, and from Kris bodily reaction to just one kiss he thinks the answer to that is, fucking amazing.
The End
Feedback is l♥ve!
Author: jeyhawk
Beta: ambigous_opal & titheniel
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. fic•tion noun 1. a literary work based on the imagination and not necessarily on fact, 2. a deliberately false or improbable account [syn: fabrication]
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Rating: PG13
Word Count: ~ 8,000+
Summary: Kris's friends sends him on a singles cruise to get over his not so recent break up. No one, least of all Kris, predicted he would end up falling for the entertainment.
Notes: I started writing this as a drabble for dev_earl but it kind of took on its own life and ended up being 8k of AU falling in love fic. I dunno. *g* In my mind this is just the first part of the cruise!verse, I have like... seven million sequels planned, but it'll have to wait until NaNo's over and done with. (If I don't have time to write a tiny one tonight.) Thanks to titheniel for her endless cheerleading and the insane amounts of notes that made this fic into what it is now. Love you BB, never change. ♥ The title will probably make sense once you've read the fic. ;0)
Kris knows that it's customary after getting out of a long relationship to get back on the proverbial horse, but no matter how much he loves his friends, a singles cruise was not what he had in mind. Unfortunately, by the time anyone had thought to ask him, the tickets were already booked, so here he is, feeling more uncomfortable and self-conscious than he ever has before in his life.
Last night had been okay. There had been this huge meet and greet dinner with 300+ people and Kris ended up sitting with two girls that took pity on him. He’d nursed the same beer all night, and the girls, who were single cruise veterans, told him all kinds of stories about what usually goes down on these things and he, in turn, told them all about Katy.
He's pretty sure by the way they’d hugged him and petted his hand that neither of them would date him if he was the last man on earth, but standing to the side of the sun washed deck watching people laugh and talk in groups and pairs, he finds that he really misses their company. He's not blind, he knows he's not completely unattractive or whatever, but he's also really kinda short and he wears a lot of plaid, so he doubts he's anyone's dream guy.
Whenever he moves around the other singles he feels like shark bait. He can actually feel the other guys sizing up the competition and the girls checking him out, and it's really kind of horrible. He never signed up for that kind of attention. Sure, he has this unfulfilled dream of becoming a rock star or something, but he's pretty sure being famous is WAY better than this. This… This is just horrible.
He takes his coffee with him and sits down on a stair in a quiet corner. At least the view of the ocean is amazing, that's something to take home, even if he's pretty sure no one back there will want to hear him talking about how the light played over the waves rather than how many phone numbers he got.
"Bored already, huh?"
Kris looks up at the unfamiliar voice, and then he looks up again because the dude is tall. He also wears make up, has a pink feather boa wrapped around his neck and looks the kind of fabulous you just don't see in Conway, Arkansas.
"I guess," Kris responds, looking down into the murky depths of his coffee.
The guy sits down next to Kris, forcing him to scoot over unless he wants the guy in his lap. Kris's not exactly sure what to make of this, since the guy doesn't exactly look like the type that goes on singles cruises (if there is a type). At least not to check out women, but that might just be prejudice. Kris's had a sheltered life in many ways.
"I'm Adam," the guy says, his hand appearing in Kris's line of vision.
"Kris," Kris says, shaking it while trying, and completely failing, to not notice the chipped black nail polish.
The guy, well, Adam, doesn't say anything more, obviously leaving the rest of the conversation, if there is to be one, up to Kris.
"So…" Kris says, focusing his eyes on the horizon. "You here for the singles cruise?"
Adam laughs. "Oh honey," he says, sounding like Kris's is just this side of brain damaged. "I'm the entertainment."
Now Kris can easily believe that, Adam looks like a pretty entertaining guy. Of course Kris's brain-to-mouth filter needs to be serviced so instead of asking what kind of entertainer, he gives Adam a doe-eyed look and says, "I didn't know they had strippers."
Adam just bursts out laughing; luckily, because not a second after the words left his mouth Kris realizes that was probably a pretty prejudiced thing to say. Just because Adam looks sinfully fabulous with his tight jeans, studded boots and feather boa it doesn't mean he likes taking his clothes off in front of strangers.
Sinfully? Did he just think that?
"God, you're precious," Adam says, patting Kris's plaid-clad back, and Kris kind of doesn't feel precious at all. He mostly feels stupid; he's got no experience to fall back on when it comes to talking to guys like Adam. The only gay guy he knows is Mike from church, and Mike's kinda plaid, like Kris. Not that Kris assumes Adam is gay, well, okay, he totally does, but he doesn't know if it's true and it most decisively doesn't make him nervous. At all.
"You know," Adam says, leaning back on his elbows and stretching his absurdly long legs out. "I've been doing these cruises for a while now and I thought I had every type pegged, but I'm not so sure about you."
Kris is kinda happy about that. He's pretty sure he doesn't want to be any type that fits on a singles cruise, but he also thinks Adam is wrong. He's exactly the type that goes on singles cruises. If he cared enough to ask around, he'd probably find a hundred guys with his exact sob story. The only difference would be that they actually signed up for this, and Kris didn’t.
Kris glances at Adam (and wow, the eyeliner really makes his eyes look intense) and shrugs. "I'm just… normal, I guess. Average in every way, except I'm a bit on the short side." He shrugs again, stretching his legs out next to Adam's. His feet dangle about level with the top of Adam's boot, looking sadly un-fabulous in his scuffed Vans. Not that fabulous was ever a factor in Kris's wardrobe choices, but maybe it would hurt to have just a little more flair.
"I like short," Adam says blandly, and Kris is not really sure why that makes him feel kind of hot. "And I don't think you're average."
Adam obviously doesn't know him at all, but that still makes Kris feel a lot better about, well, everything.
"Is that coffee?" Adam asks suddenly, eyeing Kris 's all but forgotten cup.
"Uh huh. You want some?" Kris offers the cup without even thinking and he can't read the look Adam gives him when he takes it. "I think it's getting kinda cold."
Adam still takes a long pull, grimacing when he swallows. "It is cold," he says. "And it really needs some milk and sweeteners."
"Sweeteners are bad for you," Kris says, out of habit. It's something he always used to say to Katy.
Adam chuckles, giving the cup back. "So is being overweight," he answers, which is pretty much exactly what Katy always said. It makes Kris smile, as he takes the cup from Adam's long fingers. Who would have thought it'd take a guy in eyeliner and a feather boa to make him think about Katy without sadness?
Kris sips the coffee, keenly aware of Adam watching him. Adam is right, it is cold and a lot more bitter now than when he started drinking it.
"So not average," Adam murmurs, but Kris doesn't respond because he's not sure he was supposed to hear that.
They sit in silence for a while, their elbows touching between them and their knees just inches apart. It's the most relaxed Kris has felt in ages, and he wonders if that means something. He was always a pretty vocal advocate for the theory that you fall in love with a person not a gender, but never in a million years did he think that would apply to himself. Not that he's falling in love with Adam or anything, but he can't deny there's this tiny little spark of something coiling at the pit of his stomach, making everything feel a little more exciting, a little more real.
Adam yawns and sits up straight. "I'm sorry to break up the party," he says. "But I should really go to bed."
"Oh… Well, sleep well."
Kris is kind of proud that he refrains from pointing out that it's 9am and that Adam should be getting up right about now, not going to sleep.
"Will I see you at the show tonight?" Adam asks, eyebrows rising.
"I guess," Kris answers. "If I survive the speed dating thing."
Adam laughs again; he's got a really nice laugh. "Here," he says, taking his boa off and wrapping it around Kris's neck. "You'll be beating the ladies off with a stick before the night is over."
Kris touches the feathers with a finger, and smiles. The boa smells like Adam's cologne, foundation and a healthy dose of perspiration. He's pretty sure he shouldn't like the combination, but he does.
"See you," he says.
"Count on it," Adam responds and then he's up and walking away over the deck, leaving Kris to stare transfixed at the way his hips sway.
*
Kris is not sure what it says about him that he leaves the boa on, even if it trails feathers all over his shirt, but as it turns out, it’s a great conversation starter. He probably speaks to more attractive women over the course of the day then he's done in his entire life. It doesn't really matter that half of them thinks he's gay and that half of that half (everyone that's been to one of these things before) thinks he's Adam's boyfriend. Kris considers it practice, because for every conversation he flails a little less, and by the time the speed dating event rolls around he's managing to keep conversations going without any awkward silences. Kris is on a roll.
He also learns a lot about Adam, in a pretty much non-creepy way. It's not like Kris asks, they just keep telling him things. So Adam is indeed gay, he's also twenty-seven, from California, Jewish (Kris had to think about that for a moment before deciding it didn't really matter at all), and he can sing. All of it adds up to Kris being really freaking excited for Adam's show; he just has to sit through the speed dating thing first.
The way it works (because there is significantly less guys than women) is that the men sit on one side of these long tables, and the women move from chair to chair every time the bell rings, which is every three minutes. Kris thinks it's ridiculous, (how the fuck are you supposed to connect with someone in less than three minutes?) but he keeps his mouth shut about that and throws one end of the boa over his shoulder.
He's aware that the guys on either side of him are giving him kinda weird looks, but he doesn't mind. Kris was in a committed relationship for seven years and he almost died doing missionary work, he's pretty sure he's got the higher ground (even if there is a chance God might smite him for thinking like that). If those guys are not comfortable with a man wearing a feather boa with his plaid, that's really their problem, not Kris's.
The speed dating starts and Kris's first girl is Megan from last night. She laughs at his boa and then they spend their three minutes talking about Adam. Apparently, Megan knows Adam from her previous cruises so she adds a few more pieces to Kris's Adam puzzle. (He was born January 29th in San Diego, has a brother, and he wants to become a rock star.) Kris's second girl frowns at his boa and things pretty much go downhill from there.
At the end he has pretty much stopped looking up at the girl sitting across from him, choosing to look at his little note card instead. There's nothing written on it except for January 29 and Lambert, which is just really really sad. This is why he doesn't really notice the commotion in front of him until a familiar voice says,
"Oh hi, Christopher, fancy meeting you here."
Kris jerks his head up to find Adam sitting across from him, the sourly looking girl he’s just dislodged from the hot seat standing behind Adam talking and in hushed whispers to one of the handlers. Whatever the handler is saying it's accompanied by a bunch of fascinating hand movements, one of which Kris is certain means, gay. He doesn't care.
"It is Christopher, right?" Adam asks, smile falling a little at Kris's lack of response.
Kris nods. "With a K," he adds, even if it's not really important. The tenseness is already starting to seep out of his shoulders, and he smiles when Adam's feet knock against his under the table.
"Have a last name?" Adam asks, but he's not meeting Kris's eyes, he's looking at something on the table.
Oh, right. The note card. Kris blushes crimson.
"Allen," he croaks, kind of hoping that the chair will open up and swallow him, because with the boa, and the note card, and everything, Adam's probably getting the wrong idea.
"So when's your birthday, Mr. Allen?" Adam asks, and yup, he's definitely getting the wrong idea.
"June 21st," Kris mutters, biting his lips nervously.
"Uh huh."
Adam reaches out and takes the note-card and Kris's discarded pen, adding Kris's birth date and last name under his own. Then he smirks and draws a heart around all of it. Kris had no idea it was actually possible to blush this hard without spontaneously combusting and he's pretty sure Adam is laughing at him, mirth dancing in his very blue eyes.
The bell chimes and Adam looks around. "What do you say we get out of here?" he asks as one of the handlers approaches them.
Kris nods numbly. They're going to make Adam leave and Kris would rather be blushing in Adam's wake than sitting through another three minutes of awkwardness.
One of Kris's neighbors looks away from whoever he's trying to impress to give Kris a look of pure disgust when he stumbles up from his chair on shaky legs, and he can't recall ever wanting to hit someone so much in his life.
"Not worth it," Adam says from the other side of the table, but his voice is tight with anger.
Kris nods, brushing past the asshole and walking down the narrow corridor between the tables. He's aware that people are looking at them and he just doesn't care. Adam keeps in step with him and they round the table at the same time.
Reaching out to take Adam's hand feels like the right thing to do, and the startled look on Adam's face makes up for any awkwardness.
Adam leads him by the hand to the top deck that is thankfully deserted at the moment. Kris can't stop looking at the way their fingers are laced together, wondering why he isn't feeling more awkward about it. It just feels right, like maybe this is where he was meant to end up all along. Adam must have redone his nails, because the polish is no longer chipped and more indigo than black. It's kind of pretty.
But then Adam lets go of his hand and Kris immediately starts to feel awkward, stuffing his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out again. For all the things he learned about Adam today, he's got no clue whether Adam already has a boyfriend or, if he doesn't, whether Kris is even his type. He kind of doubts it, plaid and glitter don’t mix very well.
"Thanks," Adam says, but he's not looking at Kris, he's looking up at the sky.
Kris is not sure what Adam is thanking him for and the way the moon paints Adam's cheek a startling white doesn't exactly give him any clues.
"When's the show?" Kris asks, because that should be a safe topic.
Adam smiles faintly, looking at him again. "I have to head down for sound check in about an hour, until then I'm all yours."
Blushing, Kris knows it intimately. Adam smirks and it gets worse. It's a vicious cycle that might end up with Kris permanently red-faced.
"Come on, let's take a walk," Adam says, and starts walking.
Kris falls into step with him, close enough that their arms keep brushing, but it doesn't feel weird at all. There's a path around the deck Kris is pretty sure he read in the brochure it's really meant for joggers, but there's no one jogging now, and it feels good to stretch his legs.
"Tell me about you," Adam says, and normally that sort of question has Kris scuffing his feet, but for once he doesn't have a problem talking about himself, because he wants Adam to know everything.
During their first lap he tells Adam about Katy. How he misses her, how he still loves her and how she broke up with him when he asked her to marry him. He also tells Adam the hard truth he figured out in the past few months, namely that Katy was right. The spark was long gone from their relationship and sometimes loving each other just isn't enough, a relationship needs more than that, or you're just best friends cock blocking each other. Adam laughs at that and bumps their shoulders together. It makes Kris warm inside.
The second lap is devoted to religion, or more specifically Kris's religion. He talks about his church, his love for God and the missionary work he's done. Adam doesn't say much and Kris keeps glancing at him, trying to read his mind, but Adam's face is carefully blank.
"What would your church buddies say if they saw us?" Adam asks suddenly, turning his face away to look out over the ocean.
"I don't know… nothing?" Kris answers. Why would his church friends even care that he's walking around with Adam?
"How about now?" Adam reaches out and takes Kris hand, lacing their fingers tightly together.
It's a good question and truth be told Kris doesn't really know. There's a gay guy in his church group, Mike, but everyone knew about him from the start. He's pretty sure it would be another thing completely if it was him, good old Kris Allen who they've all known pretty much since he was born. He likes to think it wouldn't make a difference, but he's not stupid enough to believe it.
"I don't know," he finally says, squeezing Adam's fingers. "I hope it wouldn't make a difference and I don't think they'd say anything to my face but… It would come as quite a shock to most people."
Adam nods, still keeping his face turned away.
"I believe that God loves everyone, regardless of skin color, religion and sexuality. It's the God I grew up to believe in and my church taught me that. I'm just saying that it probably would be hard for them to deal with."
Adam nods again, still looking out over the ocean. Kris feels as if he's navigating a mine field, and the likelihood of him losing a foot in the next few minutes is pretty high.
"I know there are a lot of religious assholes," he says softly. "But I'm not one of them and my church isn't like that. There's a gay guy in my church group and I'll never forget the first time I met him. He had just moved to town and he was so scared, you know? He stood up in front of all of us and just blurted it out and I thought for sure he was going to faint. My mom was the first one to embrace him and I was so proud of her for that, am so proud, and I wowed that very minute that I would never ever be an accomplice to making someone feel like that again if I could help it."
Kris never even realized how much of his first meeting with Mike that stuck with him, but as soon as he brings it up he can see the white tint to Mike's lips and the embarrassed flush of his pale cheeks as if it was yesterday and not years ago.
Adam lets go of his hand to clutch the back of his neck. "I think I like you, Kris Allen," he says and Kris shines like the sun. They made it out of the mine field and no one lost any body parts.
The third lap he talks about his family. How much they mean to him, how devastated they were when Kris and Katy broke up and how they worry about him. He tells silly stories from his childhood, even sillier stories from his adulthood and by the end of it he's pretty sure his new life goal has nothing to do with God and everything to do with making Adam laugh.
The fourth lap Kris's voice starts to give out and he tells Adam about his music. Adam is duly impressed by the fact that he plays several instruments and he coaxes and cajoles until Kris sings him something from one of the songs he's written. He blushes the entire time and his tired voice cracks at the high notes, but it's okay, because he's got Adam's attention; all of it, focused on him, and he feels like the biggest star in the world.
"So yeah, that's me," he says with a small smile when they start on their fifth lap. "Now it's your turn."
Adam starts to shake his head slightly, but then he seems to think better of it and starts talking instead. He talks about music, about dating and having his heart broken, but also about drugs and hooks ups and everything that Kris has never done. It's almost like he's trying to drag out the ugliest things about himself to challenge Kris. The problem for Adam is that the moral of every story he tells is that Adam is a much better person than he pretends to be.
For instance, he tells this story about how he let alcohol and anger get the better of him, punching some taunting college kid in the face and nearly taking out one of his eyes with his rings. The story could have ended there, with assault charges and Adam walking away, but instead it ends with Adam taking the guy to the hospital and staying until he knows he's going to be alright. Apparently they are still friends, and Kris doesn't think Adam even realizes that's not a story about how he's an asshole.
Adam's stories takes up another couple of laps and by the end of the eight one Kris's legs are really starting to get tired and Adam's running late for his sound check.
"I really, really have to go," Adam says, eyeing the stairs like he's sure someone's gonna come up it any moment to forcibly drag him away. "But I'll reserve you a seat, okay?"
"Okay," Kris says and he's kind of disappointed when Adam aborts his move to touch him in favor of running down the stairs. He's got no clue what's happening here, but maybe his sexuality is not as cast in iron as he thought it was.
*
Kris’s got about an hour to waste before the show starts and he considers using it to change into something that isn't plaid, but decides against it because he doesn't want Adam to think he's actually trying. He fiddles his phone out of his pocket and someone must be smiling at him because he actually has reception. He spends a few minutes trying to decide who to call but in the end he goes with his brother.
Daniel picks up on the first ring, he's probably surprised Kris lasted this long.
"Wassup bro?" he asks. "Having fun?"
"No… Yes… I don't know."
Daniel laughs, and it's so familiar and safe that Kris finds himself sitting down on one of the lounge chairs, pressing the phone closer to his ear. Daniel is his brother, loving him no matter what is in the brother handbook. Kris would still love Daniel if he married a sheepdog. He wouldn’t understand, but he'd still love him.
"So did you meet anyone yet?" Daniel asks, and he really doesn't sound as if he's all too hopeful.
"Uhm… I don't know… I think… Maybe?"
"Still new huh?"
"I've been here for twenty-four hours, of course it's still new."
Daniel laughs again and Kris can hear rustling as he moves around. "So tell me about her," Daniel says. "She must be something special for you to call me like this."
Kris takes a deep breath. "It's not a her," he says, the words rushing out of his mouth, nearly unintelligible.
Daniel doesn't answer for a while. Kris even checks the phone to see if he lost reception, but of course he hasn't, he can still hear Daniel breathing. He just managed what he always thought to be an impossible task, he rendered Daniel speechless.
"Did I hear that right?" Daniel finally asks, and Kris almost takes it back but doesn't.
"Yeah," he says, voice weak. "Yeah, you did."
Daniel actually laughs. "What is it with you, bro? Always trying to one-up me?"
"I'm older," Kris responds, because that's his answer to everything.
Kris can almost hear Daniel shaking his head. "Do I even want to know?"
Kris shrugs, then realizes that Daniel can't see it. "You tell me."
"Tell me when you get home," Daniel says after another long silence. "I think I need a couple of days to process. I'm not mad or anything… I just… I sent you away to maybe get drunk and have some fun, I didn't expect you to turn gay."
"Me neither," Kris says wryly. "And I don't know if I'm actually… gay. I'm just… really confused about this guy."
"Okay, bro. I'll talk to you when you get home. Have fun now and for God's sake, use a condom."
Kris flushes bright red and opens his mouth to protest, but the line is already going dead.
"Well, that was painless," he mutters, mostly to himself.
There's a sound behind him and he starts, spinning around to see if maybe Adam is back. It isn't Adam, but a girl with really red hair. Kris tries not to look too disappointed.
"You must be Kris," she says, grinning from ear to ear.
"Uh… yeah," Kris says, eyeing her nervously. She looks a bit young to be one of the cruise participants, but you never know.
"Adam sent me up to get you. He was afraid you'd miss the show. I'm Allison, by the way." The words tumble out of her mouth and it takes him a moment to make sense of them. "He said to look for the tiny one wearing plaid but he didn't say anything about you being so cute." She winks at him and Kris blushes, again. It's getting to be a thing.
"Maybe he doesn't think I'm cute," Kris says and pushes himself up from the chair.
Allison laughs like it's the funniest thing she heard all day. She's got a good laugh, hoarse but high-pitched and highly contagious. Kris finds himself cracking up as well. Maybe it's the absurdity of the day finally catching up with him.
"Let's go then," he says, grinning when she offers her arm. He figures it won't really do any damage to his reputation around here being seen with someone that is probably way too young. He probably shot that to smithereens when he put on the boa.
*
Adam reserved a table for Kris at the very front and as soon as he's seated a waiter appears with a complimentary drink. The waiter is kind of cute, which is not the kind of thing Kris would have normally noticed. This thing with Adam apparently blasted his preferences wide open. As he sips his drink and waits for the show to start, he glances around, trying to spot other guys in the audience that he finds attractive.
The drink tastes like apples and by the time the curtain lifts Kris has worked out a theory. He finds about one guy out of ten attractive. It's not a very scientific theory, but for some reason he finds it reassuring that Adam is not the only guy he could consider kissing. He wonders if it's always been like this, if guys have always been an alternative. He supposes the point is moot. He's always been a one person at a time guy and he was with Katy for so long he trained himself out of noticing other people. Sure, he's taking notice now, but there is already one person he'd rather be close to, so he's not going to go around kissing other guys just because he's finally figured it out.
The light dims, and with it the noise of hundreds of people talking at the same time, and then the curtain goes up with a bang. Kris doesn't really know what he expected, but he didn't expect this. Adam can sing, there's no two ways about it. He can sing the pants off of anyone, Kris is sure of that. But that's not even the point. The point, if Kris could tear his eyes away from him for long enough to actually formulate it, is that Adam owns the space around him.
Kris has never seen a performer like Adam, and he's been to his fair share of shows. Adam twists and swivels and thrusts and sings and it's impossible to look away. Kris forgets all about his drink, he's pretty sure he even forgets about breathing, because he's mesmerized, caught in Adam's thrall.
Then the show ends and Kris is on his feet, clapping so hard his palms ache and he's pretty sure the smile on his face could be considered ridiculous. The boa gets caught between his hands and he laughs at the flurry of feathers raining down around his feet. On the stage, Adam takes a bow, sweat glinting on his face and arms. Kris really wants to know what it tastes like and the thought doesn't even freak him out.
Once the stage goes dark, Kris collapses back in his chair, sucking in a breath when he realizes he's half hard just from watching Adam perform. He probably should have noticed sooner, but he was kind of busy trying to remember how to breathe once Adam started gyrating those hips of his. He reaches for his drink and takes a huge swallow, emptying the bottom dregs of the glass. He almost ends up choking on a piece of apple and coughs until he’s almost blue before being able to draw breath properly.
He longs for privacy and about three years to think this through, so of course that’s when Allison shows up and before he knows it, he's being dragged backstage with her hand like a vice around his arm.
Adam is surrounded by a group of people, but he looks up and grins when he spots Kris, motioning with his hand for Kris to come closer.
Kris feels like a fly caught in the web of a glittery spider and he tries not to think about the way his knees tremble as he starts moving. He's well aware that people are staring. In his subdued clothes he fits in about as well as a worm in a pit of black adders, but he’s only got eyes for Adam.
"Hey," he says, when he's close enough, looking up helplessly at Adam. Every confused thing he's feeling is clearly visible on his face, because Adam takes one look at him and grabs his arm.
Once again Kris finds himself being dragged along and he's pretty sure he can hear Allison laughing behind him. He can't bring himself to care though, it's pretty impossible right now to care about anything but Adam's fingers on his arm and the tight set of Adam's jaw. Kris stumbles a couple of times, feet tripping over wires and unexpectedly high thresholds, but Adam keeps him upright, leading him away from the crowd and the noise, until Kris can't even hear it anymore.
They're clearly entering a residential area of the ship, but it's significantly less fancy than the corridor where Kris finds his own room. The rugs are faded and almost threadbare in places, and there's a distinct smell of sauerkraut lingering in the tepid air. The walls are the same subdued beige, but here they are scuffed and dented in places, showing the wear and tear.
Adam finally stops in front of a door with the number 35 on it, and produces a keycard from his front pocket, sliding into the handle to get the door open. Kris swallows, because he's pretty sure he knows what's going to happen when they step through that door. He can already see it way too vividly in his mind -- Adam pressing him up against the door, Adam kissing him until he can't breathe, clothes magically disappearing, then Adam pressing him into the mattress that is probably a lot less comfortable than the one Kris has upstairs… His mind thankfully blacks out there, breath already shortening with acute, confused want, because he wants all that, wants to do it with Adam.
Then Adam lets go of his arm and bangs his forehead against the door. "Fuck," he mutters.
Kris swallows, reaching out to touch Adam's shoulder. His shirt is damp with sweat and the muscles bunch up and tense we he puts his hand there.
"This is not who I am," Adam says, turning around to lean his back against the door. He looks tired, with eyeliner smeared under his eyes and a sad tilt to his mouth.
Kris reaches out to touch him again because he still wants, but Adam shakes his head slightly and Kris lets his hand drop. He stuffs both his hands into his pockets and ducks his chin, because somehow it feels as if he just made a fool out of himself. He backs up until he got his back against the opposite wall, putting some distance between them, even though the corridor is too narrow for there to be a lot of it.
"Shit," Adam hisses, scrubbing a hand over his face and smearing his eyeliner even more. Glitter from his eye shadow trails down the bridge of his nose in the wake of his fingers, and Kris can't stop staring. He wants to reach out and touch again, and he resolutely balls his hands into fists in his pockets. This is stupid. Shouldn't he be the one freaking out?
"I can't do this right now," Adam mumbles without looking at him. "I… I just can't."
He spins around and uses the keycard again, but this time he actually pushes the door open, disappearing inside. There's a muted huff when the door closes and a puff of alluring scents dances on the air for a moment, then it's gone, and Kris doesn't really know what to do. He's got no clue where he is and he's quite certain he won't be able to retrace their steps, because there were stairs, and Kris's sense of direction isn't very good even on a normal day.
Kris’s pretty sure he just got rejected, and his chest feels stupidly tight. He untangles the boa from around his neck and puts it down before Adam's door. It looks pretty sad now, missing half its feathers and matted with use, but Kris is not going to hang onto it as some sort of sad memorabilia. He'll stay away from Adam from now on, even if that means spending the reminder of the cruise in his cabin.
Resolutely, he starts walking in the direction they came from and ignores the little voice in his head that keeps telling him he's walking away from what could have been the most amazing thing that ever happened to him.
*
Kris wakes up to a text message from Daniel, the beeping of his phone waking him with a start from his restless dreams. He kind of feels like he hasn't slept at all and Adam's rejection still sits like a heavy weight across his chest. It's stupid, he didn't even feel like this when Katy turned him down the first time he asked her out.
Daniel's message is short and to the point: still gay? Kris blinks bleary eyed at the phone and sends a message back: probably, but he's being a dick about it. He feels slightly better afterwards. He's not in the habit of calling people dicks, but damn, it feels good. Daniel doesn't answer and Kris resolutely doesn't fret about what that means. He takes a shower instead.
Coming out of the shower, Kris spends way too long looking at his blurry image in the foggy mirror. Maybe he misinterpreted Adam all along. Kris knows he looks pretty okay, in that boy next door kinda way, and elderly women think he's adorable, but that's probably not the kind of thing Adam's looking for. He's got no clue how Adam's ex boyfriends might look like, but he's pretty sure they're not homely. He imagines Adam favoring guys that are more like himself, remarkable and fierce.
Great, now he's feeling bad about calling Adam a dick and even worse for figuring out this whole crush thing was hopeless to begin with. So he’s figured out he's bisexual, fine, that doesn't mean all the gay boys want to fuck him.
"You suck," he tells his mirror image. He decides to push this whole mess out of his mind and try to be more active in the cruise activities instead. His friends did send him on this cruise to have some fun and he's gonna have some fun if it kills him.
*
Five hours later Kris is pretty sure that having any kind of fun on this damned boat that doesn't involve one Adam Lambert might actually kill him. He's participated in the Breakfast Butter Up (horrible, horrible event, where you're supposed to go around giving random compliments to the other participants; Kris got it wrong to begin with when he told the guy standing next to him he liked his shirt, and it just went downhill from there), an early morning round of charades for the poor souls that didn't get any last night (Kris sucks at charades, he really does) and now he's standing in a forever long line to get his random lunch date.
He's tired, miserable, and he would pay thousands of dollars to be anywhere but here.
He's probably going to disappoint whatever girl gets his name in the draw, and he doesn't see the point in even trying. Even Katy turned him down in the beginning and he was with her for almost seven years after that. He just doesn't make a winning first impression.
"Thank God, there you are. I've been looking for you everywhere."
Kris starts at the sound of Allison's voice and easily spots her walking across the deck, her crimson hair shining like a beacon in the glaring sun. He smiles at the sight and steps out of the line. He'd rather spend five minutes talking to Allison than another five seconds in the slow moving queue. Waiting isn't fun, not even when there's an actual reward at the end.
"You have to talk to Adam, okay?" Allison says, waving her hand in the air empathically. "He's being ridiculous about this whole thing."
"Uh," Kris says, because he's not actually sure what he could say to stop Adam being ridiculous and also, he's kind of scared of getting slapped in the face by one of Allison's flailing hands.
"Exactly," Allison says, as if Kris's addition to the conversation was a particular piece of brilliance. "This knight in shining armor act he's got going is so unbecoming."
"Knight… I'm not sure I understand."
Kris glances around and realizes that their conversation, well Allison's part at any rate, is starting to attract attention, so he grabs her arms and pulls her away from the line to a more private part of the deck. He doesn't want the entire cruise to know about Adam's problems and how he desperately wants to help.
"Well, it's like this," Allison begins. If she noticed Kris dragging her along, her face gives no indication of it. "You're straight, right? If you looked up the word straight in a dictionary, there's a picture of you next to it."
"But," Kris starts, but she holds up a hand to silence him. Her nail polish is the same indigo blue as Adam's was last night, it's pretty.
"And Adam, he doesn't go for straight guys. It's in the gay handbook, or some shit."
Kris nods, because he supposes that makes sense. Messing with straight guys does seem like a very stupid idea, but Kris obviously isn't very straight (never mind that he realized that yesterday), so Adam is indeed being ridiculous.
"And Adam's just going on and on about how he's not that kind of guy and how'll he'll ruin your life and how you'll hate him afterwards and it's driving me insane, because if he really thought he was doing the right thing he wouldn't be going on about it like this. There's obviously something between you guys and from the looks of it, it's something fucking special, so I'm not going to let him mess this up. Got it?."
"Uh… Got it."
Kris mind got kind of stuck on what might happen before afterwards in pretty Technicolor details, so he's not really sure what he just agreed to. Luckily, Allison has a plan.
*
Allison's plan is really simple. There's a secluded corner on the deck where Kris and Adam took their walk last night that the crew sometimes uses for romantic endeavors. ("No sex though," she warns. "Noise travels really well over water.") She provides Kris with a blanket, a picnic basket and a shitload of candles and tells him to set it all up around seven pm, when the rest of the ship will be busy with the Dinner Date event.
Except for the sex comment that made Kris blush so hard he thought he might actually die from it (and before he met these people he never thought shame would be a likely cause of death), Allison's plan is pretty much brilliant in its simplicity. Hopefully, it'll prove to Adam that Kris is not a hapless victim of nasty gay man cooties but a formerly straight man completely capable of making life-altering decisions just because he wants to.
Once everything is set up and Kris has hidden his guitar out of sight (it seemed like a stroke of brilliance to bring it with him, but then he realizes it might look like he's trying way too hard), all that's left is to wait. Allison had promised she could lure Adam up here and that it wouldn't matter if he suspected something, because he would be too curious to let it rest. She didn't say exactly what time said luring would happen, though, and it only takes Kris five minutes to start feeling completely ridiculous while freaking out about Adam not showing up.
He shouldn't have worried. A quarter past seven, Adam walks up the stairs and all Kris can do is stare. Compared to their other meetings, Adam's clothes are seriously understated, tight black jeans, coupled with a simple black t-shirt. A studded black belt shows on one side where the t-shirt is riding up slightly and he's got his feet stuffed into a pair of boots. He looks absolutely breathtaking and if Kris had any lingering doubts, they're gone now.
Adam doesn't spot Kris right away, but he does spot the picnic blanket, shaking his head slightly with a small smile tilting the corners of his mouth up. Kris is pretty sure he should say something, but he’s not entirely sure he can say something. At least not something that doesn't come out entirely inappropriate, so it's Adam that breaks the silence.
"Kris," Adam says softly, and he's not even looking at Kris, so he probably hasn't spotted him yet.
Kris forces himself to move into the light, looking at Adam with the same helpless want as last night. Adam's hair is in wild (but probably artfully styled) disarray, sticking up in odd tufts and ends, too shiny to be real. Kris wants to touch it.
"Damn it, Kris," Adam says, but he's moving closer, until Kris has to tilt his head back to look up at him. "This is not how the story's supposed to go."
Kris licks his lips. "Who says you get to write all the chapters?"
Adam doesn't answer, he just stares, and normally that would make Kris uncomfortable, but caught in Adam's gaze, he just feels beautiful.
"I can't wrap my mind around you," Adam murmurs and his voice is intense, sending shivers skittering down Kris's spine.
"Maybe it's not your mind you need to wrap around me," Kris answers, and he really shouldn't let his mouth go on autopilot, it makes dying of shame just that much more likely.
Adam's eyes go comically wide for a moment and then he bursts out laughing. It's this deep belly laugh that makes Kris feel all warm inside, even if he's still blushing so hard he's sure he glows in the dark. Then Adam wraps him up in a full bodied hug that makes everything feel better even if Adam's still snorting with laughter.
Adam releases him and Kris congratulates himself on successfully ruining the mood. He can't understand why Adam is having problems figuring him out when in Kris mind Adam's the true enigma of the two of them.
"Let's eat," Adam says, tugging on Kris's wrist until he gets on with the program and takes a seat on the blanket.
It takes a few minutes, but soon they get the conversation flowing as easily as the day before, trading stories and little pieces of information as if they're collecting cards in the huge card decks of their lives. Kris is pretty sure that if everyone actually had a card deck with cards describing the important moments of their life, Kris's would be a pleasing shade of sepia while Adam's would be dipped in glitter. He shares this thought with Adam, who bursts out laughing again. Making Adam laugh could really be Kris's new life goal. He's sure there's a card for it in his deck, mint condition, special edition, very rare and lined with glitter.
By the time the Dinner Date event is over, broken strands of conversation drifting up at them from the lower decks, they are lying side by side on the blanket, looking up at the night sky. Their hands are touching between their bodies, Kris's knuckles against Adam's palm and he loves knowing that, if he wanted to, he could take Adam's hand, and Adam would let him.
"Do you ever wonder where your life is going?" Adam asks.
Kris tilts his head to look at him, but Adam's eyes are on the sky, the heavy moon painting his face in shadows and silver.
"Doesn't everyone?" Kris answers blandly.
"My contract with the cruise company runs out in January," Adam says. "My last cruise starts on my birthday actually." A ghost of a smile whispers over Adam's lips. "It's a gay singles cruise… best birthday present ever."
Kris makes a noncommittal sound, but he already hates all the faceless gay men wanting to get into Adam's pants and probably succeeding, just because they're not formerly straight guys from Arkansas.
"They want me to stay." Adam sighs. "They're offering me a pretty hefty pay rise and lots of benefits, but I'm just not feeling it. I can't do this for the rest of my life. This isn't… It isn't who I'm supposed to be."
"I used to think I could be famous," Kris says, and he's not sure he ever admitted it out loud before. "Not like, superstar famous. More like… I dunno… singer/songwriter famous? But I guess that in the end, I'm just too lazy. Too content with taking what life gives me and not asking for more."
"You should ask for more," Adam says, fingers closing around Kris's hand.
"I am asking for more," Kris murmurs. "But I'm not sure you're listening."
Adam's fingers tighten around Kris's for a moment and then he lets go. "Play me something," he says.
Adam’s spotted the guitar, of course, it's not like Kris's hiding place was brilliant, but he feels very reluctant to get up.
"Please," Adam says and there's so much sadness in his voice that Kris just can't say no.
He settles down with his back against one of the life jacket containers, guitar on his lap. Adam shifts so that he’s got his head against Kris's crossed ankles, and Kris can't stop thinking that if he put the guitar away, Adam could move up and then Kris would have Adam's head in his lap, and he could spend the rest of the night tracing his fingers over Adam's face until that sad look was gone from his eyes.
Adam wants to hear him play though, so he strums his fingers over the strings, coaxing out random chords while he tries to decide what to play. In the end he plays a song he wrote years ago, his freshman year in college, and that he never really figured out what it was about. It makes perfect sense now though, it's like future!Kris went back in time and wrote a song about this exact moment, and it's only just now aligning right in his head.
The original has this deep melancholy feel to it, but Kris finds that playing it for Adam his voice strains for higher notes, making it more powerful and hopeful than sad. It's about change and about wanting more than you can have, but at this moment in his life it's okay, because he's not scared anymore. Nothing is holding him back.
Adam doesn't say anything when he stops playing, but he's watching Kris from under his bangs. "Another one," Adam croaks and Kris just can't deny him.
He serenades Adam with every love song he's ever written and then a few that he didn't write but still tries to make his own. He plays until his fingers ache and his voice cracks, and somehow he doesn't even realize they've got an audience until he looks up and finds half the deck full of people.
Kris isn’t sure Adam's noticed their audience, either because when the final note rings out, Adam's already moving, getting up on his knees and scrambling forward until he's close enough to capture Kris's lips in an awkward, dry-mouthed kiss. The guitar is caught between them, digging into Kris's stomach, and their impromptu audience starts clapping, but Kris can't even bring himself to care because holy fuck, Adam is kissing him.
It's not until Adam starts to pull away that Kris realizes he should maybe be participating in this whole kissing thing, so he slides a hand up to the back of Adam's neck and pulls him back in, opening his mouth against Adam's for a kiss that takes his breath and what remains of his sanity away. It's Adam that finally breaks the kiss, pulling away to look at Kris. Adam's got his hands cupped around Kris's face and he's tethering awkwardly on his knees, but his smile is filled with such pure joy that Kris shivers inside.
Someone whistles, and Adam finally seems to realize they've got an audience, sinking back on his haunches with a strained laugh.
"Now, how's that for a first kiss," he says, hint of a blush coloring his cheeks, but his smile is still stretching his face wide open and Kris couldn't care less that they've got an audience, because it feels like they're the only two people that matters in the whole damned world.
Kris licks his lips. "If it's any indication of what the rest will be like, I'm thinking we're gonna be just fine," he murmurs.
Adam laughs again, but when their eyes lock Kris knows they're finally on the same page. It no longer matters that Adam is most likely an alien and that Kris used to be straight, because they stumbled across something that's way more important than who they used to be.
From this point on, all that matters is who they are, and what they can be together, and from Kris bodily reaction to just one kiss he thinks the answer to that is, fucking amazing.
The End
Feedback is l♥ve!