nothing says i love you like a joint checking account - J2 - PG13
Title: nothing says i love you like a joint checking account
Author: jeyhawk
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG13
Summary: Jensen looks at houses and Jared plans a game room, or does he?
Word Count: ~ 5,000
Disclaimer: Not true.
Beta: Wishes to remain anonymous. ;0) I love you, babe!
Dedication: To all the people on my flist that has been going through a rough patch lately. Sadly, that seems to be all of you. :0( I love you, guys! I hope things look up for each and every one of you soon. *HUGS*
Notes: I wrote this ages and ages ago, had it betaed and then promptly forgot all about it. I suppose it's my take on HOMG they are living together now, but mostly it's just shameless schmoop.
The real estate agent's named Kathy and she has really big hair, which for some reason makes Jensen think of Kathy Griffin every time he pictures her. It would be accurate if Kathy Griffin wasn't a) really short, and b) white, while Kathy the real estate agent (Smith maybe, or Sands) is neither. She is, however, a smooth-talker of epic proportions and after his first Saturday home hunting, when he almost buys a three story fucking mansion, he brings Jared along for his excursions.
He figures that maybe one smooth-talker will even out the other, or that they'll literally charm the pants of each other. It doesn't happen quite like that, but Jared's presence makes Kathy curb her excesses and Jensen no longer fears that he'll end up living in castle, or owning his own island. Of course, with Jared along for the ride, he might end up staying in Jared's spare bedroom forever.
*
On the third Saturday there are two houses on the menu, one big and one small. Jensen's not sure why he agreed to look at either of them, one house between the two of them is quite enough, but Kathy insisted. He's pretty sure she secretly enjoys spending her Saturdays with them. Why else would she have shown them the truly atrocious houses she took them to last week?
The first house is way too big, but before Jensen even has time to protest, they are whisked inside to look at the amazing baths and the pimped out kitchen. She actually says pimped out, which should have somehow prepared him for the sight that meets them inside. The bathrooms are pretty spectacular with every creature comfort known to man, even if the overall impression is more tacky than luxurious, but the kitchen is something else all together; it has bling. Actual bling.
The stove is a huge chrome spectacle that Jensen's pretty sure he wouldn't even be able to boil water on without reading a 200 page manual, and the fridge and freezer are built to match. Kathy goes into a near orgasmic rant about the miniature computer built into the fridge door and how it's able to do everything from calculating the number of calories in your meal to making a shopping list, while Jared gapes at the countertops. Jensen really hopes it's not in awe, because damn they're fugly.
"They should show this place on Cribs," Jared says, running a hand over the outrageous countertop, tracing the pattern of diamond studs adorning the jet-black surface.
"Uh…" Jensen responds, still staring.
"It's good value for your money," Kathy chirps, but somehow it lacks her usual matter-of-factness.
*
The second place is in need of renovations, but it's nothing a handy man can't fix, if you believe Kathy. Jensen isn't a handy man. He's so not handy that Jared didn't even trust him to hang posters on the walls of his temporary bedroom. Just because he was holding a tube of superglue at the time, it doesn't mean he was going to use it. Seriously, who uses superglue to hang posters on the wall? Not Jensen, that's who.
From the outside the two-story tree house looks nice enough, even if the garden's unkempt and the paint’s peeling around the windows, but inside it looks to be falling apart. Kathy gives a little speech about how it could be turned into the house he always dreamed of within weeks and then leaves them to roam the place on their own, while she takes a call outside.
"I bet she's just scared the place's gonna fall on her head," Jared grumbles as they make their way upstairs on the creaky stairs.
"It's not that bad," Jensen protests. "It has…"
"Mold?"
"Yeah, that too, but I was going to say spirit."
Jared gives him a look over his shoulder. "Is living with me so awful you're actually considering buying this place? Because seriously, I'd never come visit you, ever."
"If I bought this place the only place you'd be visiting me is the morgue to identify my remains."
Jared stops so suddenly that Jensen almost walks into him. "Jesus Christ, Jensen," he hisses. "Don't even joke about shit like that."
He takes off up the stairs again and Jensen is left pondering that sometimes he really doesn't understand Jared at all.
*
Next Saturday they look at apartments, and while there's nothing really wrong with either of them, they don't feel right either. The first one is simply too far away from Jared's place, which he points out with obvious glee. The second has a leaky faucet in the bathroom. The third is way too expensive for a place Jensen won't be spending more than a few hours a day in, and the fourth is a one bedroom shack where Jared can't even stand up straight.
"One bedroom is probably too small for you guys anyway," Kathy says on their way down from the last apartment.
"Oh… We're not moving together," Jensen says.
Kathy looks stricken. "You're not breaking up, are you?"
"Of course not," Jared says, slinging an arm around Jensen's shoulder. "But we think it's a bit too soon to move in together for real."
Jensen leans into the embrace for a moment, his hip pressing against Jared's. Jared looks down at him and smiles, and he's afraid that when he smiles back everything he feels is showing on his face.
*
Kathy invites them to a party at her house on Friday night. They show up late, shooting having dragged on for hours and hours, but no one seems to mind. Jensen thought, when she issued the invite, that she wanted to add some star quality to her party, but it turns out that they weren't invited because of their dubious fame, but because they're supposedly gay.
Jared still manages to get tangled up in a longwinded conversation with a fan of the show, and Jensen finds himself cornered in the kitchen by a slim guy named Keith with a chip on his shoulder the size of Texas. He tells Jensen off in no uncertain terms, berating him for not using his stardom to fight for gay rights, accusing him of being a poser and a fake. Jensen tries to protest, tries to explain to Keith that it's not so easy when you're in the public eye and you rely on what other people think of you to get jobs, but mostly he just waits for Jared to show up and save him.
He does eventually, sauntering into the kitchen with a beer in his hand and smile on his face. He arches an eyebrow in Keith's direction and Jensen begs for help with every fiber of his being. Jared gets it, he always does, sidling up to Jensen and slinging an arm around his shoulders.
"You gonna introduce me to your friend?" he asks.
"Jared this is Keith. Keith… Jared."
Jared takes a sip from his bottle, flexing his arm so that his biceps strain against the material of his shirt. "Nice to meet you," he says and Keith looks like he swallowed his tongue.
Jared shifts, leaning back against the counter and crossing his legs. It's funny how Jared, who's easily the nicest man Jensen's ever met, manages to cross his legs in a threatening way.
"I have to…"Keith makes a vague gesture towards the door. "Yeah, over there."
"What were you talking about?" Jared asks when he's gone, without removing his arm from Jensen's shoulders.
Jensen shrugs awkwardly. "He was telling me what a bad person I was for not coming out and using my fame to fight for gay rights."
Jared gives him a long look and Jensen's heart stutters. They never talked about this, not really. He assumes that Jared knows, should have figured it out by now, but he never really said anything.
"Why don't you?" Jared asks. "Come out, I mean."
Jensen swallows thickly. "I don't know," he says, looking down on his feet.
Jared doesn't say anything at first, his arm a comforting weight across Jensen's shoulders and Jensen hopes they're not gonna have this conversation right now. He never really thought of coming out as something he needed to do, having his sex life dragged through the tabloids won't lift a weight off his shoulders; it will just make it harder for him to get work. Other people rarely see it like that though, they assume that every gay person is an activist in hiding, but it's not like all women are outspoken feminists, so why does he have to be an outspoken gay?
"I'm thinking about making your bedroom into a game room," Jared says. "You think we need one?"
"A… urm… game room?" Jensen's confused. "I hope you're not planning on putting like… stuffed lions on the wall."
He's not touching the fact that Jared's already thinking about remodeling his room, or the fact that Jared said we, because he doesn't want to get his hopes up about where Jared is planning for him to sleep in the future. He's probably just going to convince Jensen to buy the shack they were looking at the other week.
"Do I look like the stuffed lions kind of guy to you?" Jared asks, raising his eyebrows.
"Uhm… no."
"I was thinking more along having a room solely dedicated to playing Wii and Guitar Hero and you know, actually having somewhere to put the whole Rock Star get up."
Jensen nods. He doesn't know what to say, can't even guess what Jared's trying to say, and this party grew stale before they even got here. He's no good at being a grown up, at socializing with actual grown up human beings, with actual grown up jobs. He never knows what to say and he never really liked being the token famous person.
"You're not gonna ask are you?" Jared says after a few minutes.
Jensen shakes his head.
"Okay," Jared says. "Cool."
Jensen really kind of hates him. He thinks about it all the way home in the car, he thinks about it all night when he's trying his damndest to get some sleep, and he thinks about it all through next week until it's Saturday and time to go house hunting again.
*
Kathy shows them some really great apartments this time. There's especially one that catches Jensen's fancy and he lingers in the empty living room for the longest of whiles, looking out the window on the spectacular view. Jared and Kathy are already in the hall, chatting amiably, probably plotting world domination. It speaks eons about how eager Kathy is to make the sell. Had it been a few weeks ago, she would have been circling him like a shark at the slightest whiff of interest, but now she's in the hall chatting with his fictive boyfriend.
"You really like this place, don't you?" Jared asks, coming up behind him.
Jensen starts because Jared's like a fucking ninja sometimes. "Yeah," he says, drawing the word out.
"But you're not gonna buy it," Jared says, as if it's a fact cast in stone.
Jensen hesitates, because he knows Jared is right, but the five year old in him wants to sign the contracts right away.
"No," he finally says, turning his attention back to the window. He could have gotten used to seeing this view every day.
"But you're still not gonna ask."
Jensen shakes his head.
"You're such a pussy," Jared says, but when Jensen turns to look at him, he's grinning.
"And you're such an ass," Jensen retaliates, rolling his eyes.
"We done here?" Kathy asks from the doorway, big smile on her face.
"Yeah, " Jensen answers, but he doesn't look at Jared when he says it.
*
Next Saturday they're back to barely livable shacks, and Jensen wonders where the fuck Kathy finds all these places. One house has five rooms, all on different levels, with the kitchen actually on the top floor. Jared thinks it's hilarious. He laughs all the way to next place, the sound filling Jensen up inside.
The third house has practically no windows, making it feel like a cave. Jared jokes that it must have been built for a vampire and Jensen laughs, even though he thinks he could get used to living in a house like that. He doesn't say it out loud though; Jared would tease him forever.
The last house of the day is a pretty normal bungalow, except for the part where someone went completely overboard with the decorations and turned it into a gingerbread house. Jared, of course, thinks it's amazing and for a heart stopping minute Jensen kind of thinks Jared will make him buy it. His masculinity would never be able to live down living in a gingerbread house, but his epic crush on Jared kind of makes him stupid.
"It's good value for your money," Kathy says, but she looks like she's just barely concealing her laughter.
"I think I'll pass," Jensen answers.
In the car back home, (because it is home now; it was home from the moment he moved in) Jared goes on and on about the gingerbread house and the possibility of turning the five level house into a gingerbread house and then covering all the windows with frosting. Jensen listens with half an ear, smiling to himself as Jared's train of thought takes him through frosting onto cupcakes, from cupcakes to cake and then into an epic rambling about lingerie. Jensen has no clue how he makes that connection, but that's usually how it is with Jared.
"But yeah, whatever," Jared says to end his ramble. "It's not like I'll be buying any of that in the future."
Jensen blinks and glances sideways at Jared, but he's looking out the window at the traffic. Jensen wants to ask, he really does, but he has a feeling that asking about Jared's stance on lingerie would be the same thing as asking where Jared is planning for him to sleep once his bedroom has been turned into a game room. He just won't do it, because he's not sure he wants to know the answer.
*
"I saw a couch yesterday that would be perfect for the game room," Jared says one Wednesday between takes, and it's really not fair to spring something like that on Jensen when he has to get up and be Dean in two minutes.
Dean doesn't angst about where he will be sleeping two weeks from now, he knows it'll be in a crappy motel room, or the back of the Impala with Sam a couple of feet away. Now that Jensen thinks about it, Dean so has the end of the bargain. He's got all Sam all the time. Who cares if Sam might be turning evil on his ass?
"Oh," Jensen says, trying to sound as if he's not freaking out big time. "Comfy?"
"Like you wouldn't believe."
Jensen nods and fakes a smile, grateful when they're called back to set. He never stops to think where Jared saw that awesome couch, seeing as Jared was with him all of yesterday.
*
The thing about living with Jared is that he's always right there. Jensen never gets any alone time to spend brooding over Jared, because Jared is his alone time now. Jensen's had roommates before, more than one, but none of them have been quite like Jared.
Steve never crawled into his bed on lazy mornings to watch cartoons on his flat screen TV. Granted, he didn't have a flat screen back then, but Steve wouldn't have crawled into his bed anyway. He might have stretched out on top of the covers, but Jared makes himself comfortable under the covers, pushing Harley out of the space he's sneakily claimed for his own.
Steve actually left Jensen to his own devices now and then, not only when their schedules overlapped. Jared never leaves Jensen alone. Jensen's kind of surprised Jared doesn't sleep curled up at the foot of his bed like one of his puppies. Even on those long afternoons when shooting stopped early and Jensen curls up on the couch with a book and a cup of coffee, Jared shows up to read, or play xBox, or review scripts at the other end of the couch. Sometimes they share a blanket. Jensen hopes no one ever finds out, because they'd never live it down.
Jared has no sense of private space. Jensen learned this within five minutes of knowing Jared, but living with him takes it to a whole new level. He never knocks, he just walks in, and that includes the bathroom. The first time Jared caught him with his pants down Jensen freaked out, but Jared's complete lack of reaction kind of put him at ease and now he's gotten used to it, and learned to lock the door for important business. In a way, it's comforting to be that close to someone.
Jared never asks Jensen to sing, even though he's clearly obsessed with it - even more so than Jensen's fans and if they're not obsessive, Jensen doesn’t know who is. Every time they play Guitar Hero though, Jared will sing along, badly, until Jensen joins in, at which point he'll shut up. Then he'll just sit there and listen with this stupid grin on his face, as if getting a Jensen photo op would make his day.
Living with Jared means never being alone and Jensen thinks he might just curl up in a corner and die of depression if he ever has to move out. Who would make him coffee in the morning? Who's huge fucking dog would sleep next to him under the covers? Who would wake him up at stupid o'clock to look at the first snow/heavy rain/brilliant sunshine/whatever, and live to tell the tale?
Jensen's lived with a lot of people in his life; friends, family and acquaintances, but he's never lived with a lover, and that's what he imagines living with Jared is like. Except for the part where he might never be getting laid again… Maybe it's more like marriage.
*
There's another Saturday of looking at completely random, weird ass houses. Kathy doesn't even seem to be trying anymore. It's good amusement though, despite the underlying current of anxiety, and Jensen would never have figured there to be so many odd houses in the Vancouver area. He always thought the Canadians to be pretty level headed.
Jared, the bastard, spends most of his time talking to Kathy in hushed tones, so Jensen's left to explore the houses on his own. He sneaks up creaky stairs and looks through dust-laden rooms, not even knowing why he's doing it anymore. There's one house, the last they look at, that's wrong for him on so many levels and completely covered in dust, which makes him think most people find it wrong on so many levels, but the thing is, it's not a bad house.
It's big, way too big for a single guy, and it's old fashioned, probably built close to the turn of the century, but it's a house to raise a family in. He stands for the longest of whiles looking at the fading yellow-striped wall-paper in the master bedroom, the wooden floor darkened and uneven under his feet. When he closes his eyes, he can just see the big bed with white wooden frames that should be on the center of the floor. Early morning sunlight washing in through the windows, and sheets the sparkly kind of clean they are only in commercials.
The wallpaper is no longer faded in his fantasy and the uneven floors polished to perfection. Jared is sitting up in bed, with a little girl on his lap, hair messy and eyes cat slanted. Harley is sleeping on the foot of the bed, and Sadie's curled up next to Jared's pillow. And Jensen, he's still sleeping, head burrowed in the pristine white pillows, only one arm freed from the covers to rest on Jared's leg.
It's a good fantasy, too good, and he forces his eyes open again, taking in dirt and dust and spider webs in the corners. Jared calls his name from downstairs, asking if he got lost and Jensen mutters yes to himself before turning on his heel and going back down. He did get lost, in want, need, cannot have. Again.
*
Jensen cracks on a Sunday. It might be the aftermath of yet another futile Saturday spent house hunting, or the direct result of the messy plan for the game room Jared left on the coffee table. Whatever it is, he can't do it anymore.
He pads into the kitchen on bare feet, catches Jared with his head in one of the cupboards and the dogs milling around his feet.
"There's coffee," Jared says without turning around.
Jensen fills the cup left on the counter for him, taking a small sip. It's dark and heady, the smell lingering in his sinuses and leaving a bitter tang on his tongue. Jared makes the best coffee.
"I could swear we had some pasta left," Jared says, still in the cupboard.
"In the drawer," Jensen mutters, sitting down at the table.
Jared comes out of the cupboard and looks into the drawer instead, coming up with a package of pasta and a triumphant grin. "Awesome."
Jensen takes another mouthful of his coffee, spinning the cup absently as he sets it down.
"I'm gonna make mac and cheese for lunch," Jared says, and it's so typically Jared, planning for lunch before they'd even had breakfast. "But if we want dinner, I think we better order in, or you know, go to the store."
He puts the pasta down on the counter and takes a cup out of the cupboard for himself. Jensen watches his hands move, thinks absently, as always, about those hands on his skin. Jared catches him looking and gives him a tiny smile. Jensen's heart flutters, anyone can get a grin from Jared, or coax a laugh out of him, but the tiny smiles are private, special.
"If…" He trails off, not sure of how to, or what to ask.
Jared stops, eyes wide open and face attentive. "Yeah?"
"If you turn my bedroom into a game room, are you just going to kick me out on the curb?"
Jared's grin is blinding and Jensen has to admit that maybe that's a bit special, too. Jared puts his cup down, not caring that the coffee sloshes over the edges and drips down on the counter. He wipes his hand on his jeans clad leg before opening his Important Drawer (TM and please dear God DO NOT TOUCH) and rifling through it with abandon, until he comes up with one of those big folders that looks like a huge envelope and is snapped shut with a button. It's kind of girly, white with black flowers on it, but somehow that's just Jared for you.
He takes it with him to the table, snapping it open as he goes. "Okay," he says, and Jensen's actually learned to tell by now when an epic ramble is coming on, just from the tone of his voice. "This is for the door." He puts down a copper plate before Jensen, much like the one that's already on the door, except this one says J. Padalecki & J. Ackles, instead of just Jared's name.
Jensen picks it up and turns it over between his fingers, a warm glow spreading through the pit of his stomach. He traces his name with his fingers. It means nothing, really, but somehow it still means the world.
"And this is just for the mailbox, not too exciting." A slip of white plastic with his name in black lands before Jensen and he touches that too.
"Here's the form you need to change your address from c/o to permanent residence… In Canada, and here's… uhm… one for LA just in case we want to… uhm… yeah."
Two sets of papers land before Jensen, but he doesn't have time to look at them before another one lands on top of it.
"That's to change your address so the mail ends up here. The other one’s just for the IRS, or something."
Jensen blinks and picks it up, scanning through the instructions.
"This here…" Another form. "Is to change your ICE contact for the hospital here. I already put you as mine… You can still keep your mom, just…add me. Oh, and this one's for LA."
Jensen blinks, trying to take it all in. The warm glow is reaching supernova proportions and he might very well be burning up inside.
"This one's for opening up a joint checking account… but we don't have to do that."
Another form is laid out on the table, covering the others, even though edges of paper are spilling out on the sides.
"This is just some shit about the house and joint ownership and stuff, but I think we better talk to an accountant about that."
A big pile of papers are dumped on top of the others and Jensen's mind kind of boggles. It's all too much to take in, with Jared and the files and the fucking joint checking account.
"And this one's… uh… well, maybe we won't need that… yet."
Jared makes a move to put the paper back in the folder, but Jensen reaches out and stops him, curling his fingers around Jared's wrist. The paper flutters to the table, ending up face down but Jensen doesn't even have to look at it to know it's a marriage license. He looks up at Jared who's looking equal parts nervous and relieved, half smile on his lips.
He's pretty sure Jared's never done this - the whole guy on guy thing, and he doesn't get why he wants to now. It doesn't happen like this, straight guys don't suddenly fall in love with their best friends.
"I… uh… asked your dad for your hand in marriage," Jared says, chewing nervously on his lip. "It's a good thing you came out to them, or that would have been awkward."
Jensen's still looking up at Jared, still holding on to his wrist, but he can't think of a single thing to say that even remotely encompasses all he feels. He keeps opening and closing his mouth, like a goldfish caught on land, but the only thing that comes out are stupid hitched breaths. He might cry and that would just be really embarrassing.
Jared twists awkwardly to be able to pull up a chair and sit down, because Jensen just won't let go of his wrist. Once he's sitting, Jared gently pries Jensen's fingers loose and links them with his instead, which is so much better that Jensen can't even believe it. It's been a long time now, (way too long) but he's pretty sure that holding Jared's hand is just like sex. Fuck that, it's better than sex. It's sunshine, and puppies, and chocolate cake with chocolate sprinkles.
Jared uses his free hand to carefully tilt Jensen's head up so that he's looking at Jared instead of their hands. Jared is very pretty and Jensen's breath hitches again.
"You gonna cry?" Jared asks, and he's got this half teasing, half hopeful smile on his lips.
It's looks stupid and Jared's stupid and Jensen's so not going to cry damnit, at least not because Jared is pretty, because he already knew that.
Jared opens his mouth again and he does this tiny double take inhale thing that means he's going to go on and on. Jensen knows these things. It also turns out he's right, not that he's listening to what Jared has to say except for where a lot of it seems to be about the awesomeness of having a game room, because he's busy processing the fact that Jared seems to want them to be together, even more than they are now.
He gives Jared's hand a tiny squeeze, Jared squeezes back. He puts his other hand on Jared's thigh, giving that a squeeze. Jared puts his other hand on top of Jensen's without missing a beat in his ramble. Jensen tilts his head to the side, considering his options.
"Would you just shut up and kiss me?" he asks, his voice raw with pent up emotions.
Jared snaps his mouth shut and then he's bending forward, one hand coming up to cup Jensen's face as he brings their lips together. Forever ago, or so it seems, they discussed what they liked when it came to kissing and it's pretty obvious now that Jared was taking notes, because he does everything right. Nipping, touching, teasing, licking until Jensen's sure he's dead from hot, except there's one thing niggling at the back of his mind. He puts a hand to Jared's chest and pushes him away. Then he distracts himself with touching Jared's flaming cheek and rubbing his thumb over Jared's spit slick lips until Jared moves to kiss him again, at which point he remembers he had a point.
"I don't really think we need a game room," he says earnestly.
Jared blinks twice then he throws his head back laughing. Jensen really kind of hates him, except for when he doesn't, so he grabs Jared's shirt and pulls him in for another kiss. This time he tries a few of the things he remembers Jared liking, because he took notes, as well. Afterwards, in the relative privacy of his own room. Then he’d jerked off.
Jared wasn't lying when he listed his likes, not if the way he tangles his hand in Jensen's hair is anything to judge from, but Jensen has another urgent question to ask. He pushes Jared away again and this time Jared looks a bit put upon.
"What?" he asks, sounding like it's very impolite of Jensen to keep interrupting the good part.
"What did he say?"
Jared laughs again. "He said…" Jared says when he got his breath back. "That if you have balls enough to ask him, then you're man enough to marry him."
This time Jensen laughs at the same time as he leans closer, because talking is way overrated. "I really love my dad," he says, almost against Jared's lips, and that feels dirtier than it should.
"Yeah," Jared answers, his breath hot and moist on Jensen's face. "I really love you."
The End
Author: jeyhawk
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG13
Summary: Jensen looks at houses and Jared plans a game room, or does he?
Word Count: ~ 5,000
Disclaimer: Not true.
Beta: Wishes to remain anonymous. ;0) I love you, babe!
Dedication: To all the people on my flist that has been going through a rough patch lately. Sadly, that seems to be all of you. :0( I love you, guys! I hope things look up for each and every one of you soon. *HUGS*
Notes: I wrote this ages and ages ago, had it betaed and then promptly forgot all about it. I suppose it's my take on HOMG they are living together now, but mostly it's just shameless schmoop.
The real estate agent's named Kathy and she has really big hair, which for some reason makes Jensen think of Kathy Griffin every time he pictures her. It would be accurate if Kathy Griffin wasn't a) really short, and b) white, while Kathy the real estate agent (Smith maybe, or Sands) is neither. She is, however, a smooth-talker of epic proportions and after his first Saturday home hunting, when he almost buys a three story fucking mansion, he brings Jared along for his excursions.
He figures that maybe one smooth-talker will even out the other, or that they'll literally charm the pants of each other. It doesn't happen quite like that, but Jared's presence makes Kathy curb her excesses and Jensen no longer fears that he'll end up living in castle, or owning his own island. Of course, with Jared along for the ride, he might end up staying in Jared's spare bedroom forever.
*
On the third Saturday there are two houses on the menu, one big and one small. Jensen's not sure why he agreed to look at either of them, one house between the two of them is quite enough, but Kathy insisted. He's pretty sure she secretly enjoys spending her Saturdays with them. Why else would she have shown them the truly atrocious houses she took them to last week?
The first house is way too big, but before Jensen even has time to protest, they are whisked inside to look at the amazing baths and the pimped out kitchen. She actually says pimped out, which should have somehow prepared him for the sight that meets them inside. The bathrooms are pretty spectacular with every creature comfort known to man, even if the overall impression is more tacky than luxurious, but the kitchen is something else all together; it has bling. Actual bling.
The stove is a huge chrome spectacle that Jensen's pretty sure he wouldn't even be able to boil water on without reading a 200 page manual, and the fridge and freezer are built to match. Kathy goes into a near orgasmic rant about the miniature computer built into the fridge door and how it's able to do everything from calculating the number of calories in your meal to making a shopping list, while Jared gapes at the countertops. Jensen really hopes it's not in awe, because damn they're fugly.
"They should show this place on Cribs," Jared says, running a hand over the outrageous countertop, tracing the pattern of diamond studs adorning the jet-black surface.
"Uh…" Jensen responds, still staring.
"It's good value for your money," Kathy chirps, but somehow it lacks her usual matter-of-factness.
*
The second place is in need of renovations, but it's nothing a handy man can't fix, if you believe Kathy. Jensen isn't a handy man. He's so not handy that Jared didn't even trust him to hang posters on the walls of his temporary bedroom. Just because he was holding a tube of superglue at the time, it doesn't mean he was going to use it. Seriously, who uses superglue to hang posters on the wall? Not Jensen, that's who.
From the outside the two-story tree house looks nice enough, even if the garden's unkempt and the paint’s peeling around the windows, but inside it looks to be falling apart. Kathy gives a little speech about how it could be turned into the house he always dreamed of within weeks and then leaves them to roam the place on their own, while she takes a call outside.
"I bet she's just scared the place's gonna fall on her head," Jared grumbles as they make their way upstairs on the creaky stairs.
"It's not that bad," Jensen protests. "It has…"
"Mold?"
"Yeah, that too, but I was going to say spirit."
Jared gives him a look over his shoulder. "Is living with me so awful you're actually considering buying this place? Because seriously, I'd never come visit you, ever."
"If I bought this place the only place you'd be visiting me is the morgue to identify my remains."
Jared stops so suddenly that Jensen almost walks into him. "Jesus Christ, Jensen," he hisses. "Don't even joke about shit like that."
He takes off up the stairs again and Jensen is left pondering that sometimes he really doesn't understand Jared at all.
*
Next Saturday they look at apartments, and while there's nothing really wrong with either of them, they don't feel right either. The first one is simply too far away from Jared's place, which he points out with obvious glee. The second has a leaky faucet in the bathroom. The third is way too expensive for a place Jensen won't be spending more than a few hours a day in, and the fourth is a one bedroom shack where Jared can't even stand up straight.
"One bedroom is probably too small for you guys anyway," Kathy says on their way down from the last apartment.
"Oh… We're not moving together," Jensen says.
Kathy looks stricken. "You're not breaking up, are you?"
"Of course not," Jared says, slinging an arm around Jensen's shoulder. "But we think it's a bit too soon to move in together for real."
Jensen leans into the embrace for a moment, his hip pressing against Jared's. Jared looks down at him and smiles, and he's afraid that when he smiles back everything he feels is showing on his face.
*
Kathy invites them to a party at her house on Friday night. They show up late, shooting having dragged on for hours and hours, but no one seems to mind. Jensen thought, when she issued the invite, that she wanted to add some star quality to her party, but it turns out that they weren't invited because of their dubious fame, but because they're supposedly gay.
Jared still manages to get tangled up in a longwinded conversation with a fan of the show, and Jensen finds himself cornered in the kitchen by a slim guy named Keith with a chip on his shoulder the size of Texas. He tells Jensen off in no uncertain terms, berating him for not using his stardom to fight for gay rights, accusing him of being a poser and a fake. Jensen tries to protest, tries to explain to Keith that it's not so easy when you're in the public eye and you rely on what other people think of you to get jobs, but mostly he just waits for Jared to show up and save him.
He does eventually, sauntering into the kitchen with a beer in his hand and smile on his face. He arches an eyebrow in Keith's direction and Jensen begs for help with every fiber of his being. Jared gets it, he always does, sidling up to Jensen and slinging an arm around his shoulders.
"You gonna introduce me to your friend?" he asks.
"Jared this is Keith. Keith… Jared."
Jared takes a sip from his bottle, flexing his arm so that his biceps strain against the material of his shirt. "Nice to meet you," he says and Keith looks like he swallowed his tongue.
Jared shifts, leaning back against the counter and crossing his legs. It's funny how Jared, who's easily the nicest man Jensen's ever met, manages to cross his legs in a threatening way.
"I have to…"Keith makes a vague gesture towards the door. "Yeah, over there."
"What were you talking about?" Jared asks when he's gone, without removing his arm from Jensen's shoulders.
Jensen shrugs awkwardly. "He was telling me what a bad person I was for not coming out and using my fame to fight for gay rights."
Jared gives him a long look and Jensen's heart stutters. They never talked about this, not really. He assumes that Jared knows, should have figured it out by now, but he never really said anything.
"Why don't you?" Jared asks. "Come out, I mean."
Jensen swallows thickly. "I don't know," he says, looking down on his feet.
Jared doesn't say anything at first, his arm a comforting weight across Jensen's shoulders and Jensen hopes they're not gonna have this conversation right now. He never really thought of coming out as something he needed to do, having his sex life dragged through the tabloids won't lift a weight off his shoulders; it will just make it harder for him to get work. Other people rarely see it like that though, they assume that every gay person is an activist in hiding, but it's not like all women are outspoken feminists, so why does he have to be an outspoken gay?
"I'm thinking about making your bedroom into a game room," Jared says. "You think we need one?"
"A… urm… game room?" Jensen's confused. "I hope you're not planning on putting like… stuffed lions on the wall."
He's not touching the fact that Jared's already thinking about remodeling his room, or the fact that Jared said we, because he doesn't want to get his hopes up about where Jared is planning for him to sleep in the future. He's probably just going to convince Jensen to buy the shack they were looking at the other week.
"Do I look like the stuffed lions kind of guy to you?" Jared asks, raising his eyebrows.
"Uhm… no."
"I was thinking more along having a room solely dedicated to playing Wii and Guitar Hero and you know, actually having somewhere to put the whole Rock Star get up."
Jensen nods. He doesn't know what to say, can't even guess what Jared's trying to say, and this party grew stale before they even got here. He's no good at being a grown up, at socializing with actual grown up human beings, with actual grown up jobs. He never knows what to say and he never really liked being the token famous person.
"You're not gonna ask are you?" Jared says after a few minutes.
Jensen shakes his head.
"Okay," Jared says. "Cool."
Jensen really kind of hates him. He thinks about it all the way home in the car, he thinks about it all night when he's trying his damndest to get some sleep, and he thinks about it all through next week until it's Saturday and time to go house hunting again.
*
Kathy shows them some really great apartments this time. There's especially one that catches Jensen's fancy and he lingers in the empty living room for the longest of whiles, looking out the window on the spectacular view. Jared and Kathy are already in the hall, chatting amiably, probably plotting world domination. It speaks eons about how eager Kathy is to make the sell. Had it been a few weeks ago, she would have been circling him like a shark at the slightest whiff of interest, but now she's in the hall chatting with his fictive boyfriend.
"You really like this place, don't you?" Jared asks, coming up behind him.
Jensen starts because Jared's like a fucking ninja sometimes. "Yeah," he says, drawing the word out.
"But you're not gonna buy it," Jared says, as if it's a fact cast in stone.
Jensen hesitates, because he knows Jared is right, but the five year old in him wants to sign the contracts right away.
"No," he finally says, turning his attention back to the window. He could have gotten used to seeing this view every day.
"But you're still not gonna ask."
Jensen shakes his head.
"You're such a pussy," Jared says, but when Jensen turns to look at him, he's grinning.
"And you're such an ass," Jensen retaliates, rolling his eyes.
"We done here?" Kathy asks from the doorway, big smile on her face.
"Yeah, " Jensen answers, but he doesn't look at Jared when he says it.
*
Next Saturday they're back to barely livable shacks, and Jensen wonders where the fuck Kathy finds all these places. One house has five rooms, all on different levels, with the kitchen actually on the top floor. Jared thinks it's hilarious. He laughs all the way to next place, the sound filling Jensen up inside.
The third house has practically no windows, making it feel like a cave. Jared jokes that it must have been built for a vampire and Jensen laughs, even though he thinks he could get used to living in a house like that. He doesn't say it out loud though; Jared would tease him forever.
The last house of the day is a pretty normal bungalow, except for the part where someone went completely overboard with the decorations and turned it into a gingerbread house. Jared, of course, thinks it's amazing and for a heart stopping minute Jensen kind of thinks Jared will make him buy it. His masculinity would never be able to live down living in a gingerbread house, but his epic crush on Jared kind of makes him stupid.
"It's good value for your money," Kathy says, but she looks like she's just barely concealing her laughter.
"I think I'll pass," Jensen answers.
In the car back home, (because it is home now; it was home from the moment he moved in) Jared goes on and on about the gingerbread house and the possibility of turning the five level house into a gingerbread house and then covering all the windows with frosting. Jensen listens with half an ear, smiling to himself as Jared's train of thought takes him through frosting onto cupcakes, from cupcakes to cake and then into an epic rambling about lingerie. Jensen has no clue how he makes that connection, but that's usually how it is with Jared.
"But yeah, whatever," Jared says to end his ramble. "It's not like I'll be buying any of that in the future."
Jensen blinks and glances sideways at Jared, but he's looking out the window at the traffic. Jensen wants to ask, he really does, but he has a feeling that asking about Jared's stance on lingerie would be the same thing as asking where Jared is planning for him to sleep once his bedroom has been turned into a game room. He just won't do it, because he's not sure he wants to know the answer.
*
"I saw a couch yesterday that would be perfect for the game room," Jared says one Wednesday between takes, and it's really not fair to spring something like that on Jensen when he has to get up and be Dean in two minutes.
Dean doesn't angst about where he will be sleeping two weeks from now, he knows it'll be in a crappy motel room, or the back of the Impala with Sam a couple of feet away. Now that Jensen thinks about it, Dean so has the end of the bargain. He's got all Sam all the time. Who cares if Sam might be turning evil on his ass?
"Oh," Jensen says, trying to sound as if he's not freaking out big time. "Comfy?"
"Like you wouldn't believe."
Jensen nods and fakes a smile, grateful when they're called back to set. He never stops to think where Jared saw that awesome couch, seeing as Jared was with him all of yesterday.
*
The thing about living with Jared is that he's always right there. Jensen never gets any alone time to spend brooding over Jared, because Jared is his alone time now. Jensen's had roommates before, more than one, but none of them have been quite like Jared.
Steve never crawled into his bed on lazy mornings to watch cartoons on his flat screen TV. Granted, he didn't have a flat screen back then, but Steve wouldn't have crawled into his bed anyway. He might have stretched out on top of the covers, but Jared makes himself comfortable under the covers, pushing Harley out of the space he's sneakily claimed for his own.
Steve actually left Jensen to his own devices now and then, not only when their schedules overlapped. Jared never leaves Jensen alone. Jensen's kind of surprised Jared doesn't sleep curled up at the foot of his bed like one of his puppies. Even on those long afternoons when shooting stopped early and Jensen curls up on the couch with a book and a cup of coffee, Jared shows up to read, or play xBox, or review scripts at the other end of the couch. Sometimes they share a blanket. Jensen hopes no one ever finds out, because they'd never live it down.
Jared has no sense of private space. Jensen learned this within five minutes of knowing Jared, but living with him takes it to a whole new level. He never knocks, he just walks in, and that includes the bathroom. The first time Jared caught him with his pants down Jensen freaked out, but Jared's complete lack of reaction kind of put him at ease and now he's gotten used to it, and learned to lock the door for important business. In a way, it's comforting to be that close to someone.
Jared never asks Jensen to sing, even though he's clearly obsessed with it - even more so than Jensen's fans and if they're not obsessive, Jensen doesn’t know who is. Every time they play Guitar Hero though, Jared will sing along, badly, until Jensen joins in, at which point he'll shut up. Then he'll just sit there and listen with this stupid grin on his face, as if getting a Jensen photo op would make his day.
Living with Jared means never being alone and Jensen thinks he might just curl up in a corner and die of depression if he ever has to move out. Who would make him coffee in the morning? Who's huge fucking dog would sleep next to him under the covers? Who would wake him up at stupid o'clock to look at the first snow/heavy rain/brilliant sunshine/whatever, and live to tell the tale?
Jensen's lived with a lot of people in his life; friends, family and acquaintances, but he's never lived with a lover, and that's what he imagines living with Jared is like. Except for the part where he might never be getting laid again… Maybe it's more like marriage.
*
There's another Saturday of looking at completely random, weird ass houses. Kathy doesn't even seem to be trying anymore. It's good amusement though, despite the underlying current of anxiety, and Jensen would never have figured there to be so many odd houses in the Vancouver area. He always thought the Canadians to be pretty level headed.
Jared, the bastard, spends most of his time talking to Kathy in hushed tones, so Jensen's left to explore the houses on his own. He sneaks up creaky stairs and looks through dust-laden rooms, not even knowing why he's doing it anymore. There's one house, the last they look at, that's wrong for him on so many levels and completely covered in dust, which makes him think most people find it wrong on so many levels, but the thing is, it's not a bad house.
It's big, way too big for a single guy, and it's old fashioned, probably built close to the turn of the century, but it's a house to raise a family in. He stands for the longest of whiles looking at the fading yellow-striped wall-paper in the master bedroom, the wooden floor darkened and uneven under his feet. When he closes his eyes, he can just see the big bed with white wooden frames that should be on the center of the floor. Early morning sunlight washing in through the windows, and sheets the sparkly kind of clean they are only in commercials.
The wallpaper is no longer faded in his fantasy and the uneven floors polished to perfection. Jared is sitting up in bed, with a little girl on his lap, hair messy and eyes cat slanted. Harley is sleeping on the foot of the bed, and Sadie's curled up next to Jared's pillow. And Jensen, he's still sleeping, head burrowed in the pristine white pillows, only one arm freed from the covers to rest on Jared's leg.
It's a good fantasy, too good, and he forces his eyes open again, taking in dirt and dust and spider webs in the corners. Jared calls his name from downstairs, asking if he got lost and Jensen mutters yes to himself before turning on his heel and going back down. He did get lost, in want, need, cannot have. Again.
*
Jensen cracks on a Sunday. It might be the aftermath of yet another futile Saturday spent house hunting, or the direct result of the messy plan for the game room Jared left on the coffee table. Whatever it is, he can't do it anymore.
He pads into the kitchen on bare feet, catches Jared with his head in one of the cupboards and the dogs milling around his feet.
"There's coffee," Jared says without turning around.
Jensen fills the cup left on the counter for him, taking a small sip. It's dark and heady, the smell lingering in his sinuses and leaving a bitter tang on his tongue. Jared makes the best coffee.
"I could swear we had some pasta left," Jared says, still in the cupboard.
"In the drawer," Jensen mutters, sitting down at the table.
Jared comes out of the cupboard and looks into the drawer instead, coming up with a package of pasta and a triumphant grin. "Awesome."
Jensen takes another mouthful of his coffee, spinning the cup absently as he sets it down.
"I'm gonna make mac and cheese for lunch," Jared says, and it's so typically Jared, planning for lunch before they'd even had breakfast. "But if we want dinner, I think we better order in, or you know, go to the store."
He puts the pasta down on the counter and takes a cup out of the cupboard for himself. Jensen watches his hands move, thinks absently, as always, about those hands on his skin. Jared catches him looking and gives him a tiny smile. Jensen's heart flutters, anyone can get a grin from Jared, or coax a laugh out of him, but the tiny smiles are private, special.
"If…" He trails off, not sure of how to, or what to ask.
Jared stops, eyes wide open and face attentive. "Yeah?"
"If you turn my bedroom into a game room, are you just going to kick me out on the curb?"
Jared's grin is blinding and Jensen has to admit that maybe that's a bit special, too. Jared puts his cup down, not caring that the coffee sloshes over the edges and drips down on the counter. He wipes his hand on his jeans clad leg before opening his Important Drawer (TM and please dear God DO NOT TOUCH) and rifling through it with abandon, until he comes up with one of those big folders that looks like a huge envelope and is snapped shut with a button. It's kind of girly, white with black flowers on it, but somehow that's just Jared for you.
He takes it with him to the table, snapping it open as he goes. "Okay," he says, and Jensen's actually learned to tell by now when an epic ramble is coming on, just from the tone of his voice. "This is for the door." He puts down a copper plate before Jensen, much like the one that's already on the door, except this one says J. Padalecki & J. Ackles, instead of just Jared's name.
Jensen picks it up and turns it over between his fingers, a warm glow spreading through the pit of his stomach. He traces his name with his fingers. It means nothing, really, but somehow it still means the world.
"And this is just for the mailbox, not too exciting." A slip of white plastic with his name in black lands before Jensen and he touches that too.
"Here's the form you need to change your address from c/o to permanent residence… In Canada, and here's… uhm… one for LA just in case we want to… uhm… yeah."
Two sets of papers land before Jensen, but he doesn't have time to look at them before another one lands on top of it.
"That's to change your address so the mail ends up here. The other one’s just for the IRS, or something."
Jensen blinks and picks it up, scanning through the instructions.
"This here…" Another form. "Is to change your ICE contact for the hospital here. I already put you as mine… You can still keep your mom, just…add me. Oh, and this one's for LA."
Jensen blinks, trying to take it all in. The warm glow is reaching supernova proportions and he might very well be burning up inside.
"This one's for opening up a joint checking account… but we don't have to do that."
Another form is laid out on the table, covering the others, even though edges of paper are spilling out on the sides.
"This is just some shit about the house and joint ownership and stuff, but I think we better talk to an accountant about that."
A big pile of papers are dumped on top of the others and Jensen's mind kind of boggles. It's all too much to take in, with Jared and the files and the fucking joint checking account.
"And this one's… uh… well, maybe we won't need that… yet."
Jared makes a move to put the paper back in the folder, but Jensen reaches out and stops him, curling his fingers around Jared's wrist. The paper flutters to the table, ending up face down but Jensen doesn't even have to look at it to know it's a marriage license. He looks up at Jared who's looking equal parts nervous and relieved, half smile on his lips.
He's pretty sure Jared's never done this - the whole guy on guy thing, and he doesn't get why he wants to now. It doesn't happen like this, straight guys don't suddenly fall in love with their best friends.
"I… uh… asked your dad for your hand in marriage," Jared says, chewing nervously on his lip. "It's a good thing you came out to them, or that would have been awkward."
Jensen's still looking up at Jared, still holding on to his wrist, but he can't think of a single thing to say that even remotely encompasses all he feels. He keeps opening and closing his mouth, like a goldfish caught on land, but the only thing that comes out are stupid hitched breaths. He might cry and that would just be really embarrassing.
Jared twists awkwardly to be able to pull up a chair and sit down, because Jensen just won't let go of his wrist. Once he's sitting, Jared gently pries Jensen's fingers loose and links them with his instead, which is so much better that Jensen can't even believe it. It's been a long time now, (way too long) but he's pretty sure that holding Jared's hand is just like sex. Fuck that, it's better than sex. It's sunshine, and puppies, and chocolate cake with chocolate sprinkles.
Jared uses his free hand to carefully tilt Jensen's head up so that he's looking at Jared instead of their hands. Jared is very pretty and Jensen's breath hitches again.
"You gonna cry?" Jared asks, and he's got this half teasing, half hopeful smile on his lips.
It's looks stupid and Jared's stupid and Jensen's so not going to cry damnit, at least not because Jared is pretty, because he already knew that.
Jared opens his mouth again and he does this tiny double take inhale thing that means he's going to go on and on. Jensen knows these things. It also turns out he's right, not that he's listening to what Jared has to say except for where a lot of it seems to be about the awesomeness of having a game room, because he's busy processing the fact that Jared seems to want them to be together, even more than they are now.
He gives Jared's hand a tiny squeeze, Jared squeezes back. He puts his other hand on Jared's thigh, giving that a squeeze. Jared puts his other hand on top of Jensen's without missing a beat in his ramble. Jensen tilts his head to the side, considering his options.
"Would you just shut up and kiss me?" he asks, his voice raw with pent up emotions.
Jared snaps his mouth shut and then he's bending forward, one hand coming up to cup Jensen's face as he brings their lips together. Forever ago, or so it seems, they discussed what they liked when it came to kissing and it's pretty obvious now that Jared was taking notes, because he does everything right. Nipping, touching, teasing, licking until Jensen's sure he's dead from hot, except there's one thing niggling at the back of his mind. He puts a hand to Jared's chest and pushes him away. Then he distracts himself with touching Jared's flaming cheek and rubbing his thumb over Jared's spit slick lips until Jared moves to kiss him again, at which point he remembers he had a point.
"I don't really think we need a game room," he says earnestly.
Jared blinks twice then he throws his head back laughing. Jensen really kind of hates him, except for when he doesn't, so he grabs Jared's shirt and pulls him in for another kiss. This time he tries a few of the things he remembers Jared liking, because he took notes, as well. Afterwards, in the relative privacy of his own room. Then he’d jerked off.
Jared wasn't lying when he listed his likes, not if the way he tangles his hand in Jensen's hair is anything to judge from, but Jensen has another urgent question to ask. He pushes Jared away again and this time Jared looks a bit put upon.
"What?" he asks, sounding like it's very impolite of Jensen to keep interrupting the good part.
"What did he say?"
Jared laughs again. "He said…" Jared says when he got his breath back. "That if you have balls enough to ask him, then you're man enough to marry him."
This time Jensen laughs at the same time as he leans closer, because talking is way overrated. "I really love my dad," he says, almost against Jared's lips, and that feels dirtier than it should.
"Yeah," Jared answers, his breath hot and moist on Jensen's face. "I really love you."
The End