[Ryo/Yamapi] [PG] Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Recipient: novemberchic
Title: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Group/Pairing(s): Ryopi, mild Tegomassu, mild Koyato
Rating: PG
Summary: Classical body switch with a fairytale twist
Word count: 3920
Ryo had woken up this morning feeling a little bit different.
Maybe he was still a little hung over from last night out with Yamapi and Jin. But he hadn’t drunk that much. Sure, he couldn’t exactly remember what had happened last night, but that was just because he’d never been good with alcohol. In fact, Ryo didn’t know why he drank in the first place.
At that instant, an image of Yamapi grinning mischievously popped into his head. Oh, that’s why.
“AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”
They’d been out celebrating…well he couldn’t quite recall what at the moment--god that scream was loud, but they’d been out celebrating something.
Oh. He remembered now. They’d been celebrating the 4th of July. God knows why. If anything, they should’ve been celebrating Jin’s birthday. But what could they have done? If Jin wanted a fourth of July celebration, then so be it, not mentioning the fact that they lived in Japan, not America.
Jin had called him around seven last night, insisting that he celebrated Independence Day with them, them being Jin and Pi. The idiot. Honestly, the things Jin picked up in America.
Regardless, Ryo had chosen to go with them because he hadn’t hung out with them for fun in a long time and heck, it was Jin’s birthday.
“First we need to find some fireworks,” Jin said. His eyes glimmered abnormally bright as he planned.
Ryo rolled his eyes and exchanged knowing glances with Yamapi. Once Akanishi Jin got set on something, he’d ignore everything else completely until he accomplished his task. To put it simply, Jin had forgotten that Ryo and Yamapi were there.
“You might want to try the convenience store over there,” Ryo suggested.
“Why are we doing this again?” Yamapi finally spoke up.
Jin glanced up and replied in a knowing manner, “We are celebrating the 4th of July to maintain the American spirit.”
Ryo had a feeling that Jin didn’t actually know.
As Jin darted across the street to the convenience store to buy the fireworks, Ryo looked over Yamapi. Work hadn’t allowed him to take in his friend’s new haircut. He hated it.
“Pi?”
“Hm?”
“When are you going to get a new haircut?”
“I dunno, in a few months I guess?”
“Couldn’t you do it any sooner?”
Yamapi gave him a look and patted his hair. “Why? I just got this one. What’s wrong?”
‘You look like a peach,’ Ryo wanted to say, but managed to keep his mouth shut. Lately he’d grown used to holding back his insults. This was only for Yamapi of course.
“Um, I just thought the black, non-fuzzed up hair looked nice.” Well he couldn’t keep all of it in.
“Fuzz?” Yamapi questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“Ye-“
“I got it, I got it!” Ryo was rudely interrupted by an ecstatic Jin running towards them at full speed.
After that the haircut matter was dropped and the three of them proceeded to find a nice hilltop overlooking the city to light their fireworks. Jin clapped in childlike glee as they watched the bright lights explode overhead. On the side, Yamapi played with the small ones, letting the spark travel up the stick and towards his fingers, dying out just before it reached his skin.
Ryo sat back and smiled. Alright, so this non-existent-in-Japan holiday wasn’t that bad.
Then Jin decided to whip out the six-pack of beer.
“Oh come on, they all do it!” Jin prodded.
Ryo bet they didn’t.
“Oh come on Ryo!” But then Yamapi started pestering him too, so finally Ryo relented and grabbed a can, knowing he’d regret it in the morning.
And regret he did--
“RYO!”
He jumped in shock as the scream traveled into his ear and shook his ear drums.
“I’ve been yelling your name for the past five minutes!”
Ryo looked up, expecting to see Yamapi but was sadly mistaken (and a bit horrified) to glimpse a mirror reflection of himself.
“Wha-?”
“Exactly!”
Right in front of him, was him, himself!
“Then who am I?” he asked out loud.
“Who do you think?” Yamapi asked, taking up a sarcastic tone with one hand on his hip, Ryo’s hip.
“You!”
“Yes me!”
“Mmmhmsssd.” At that moment, Jin decided to wake up. “Hmm, morning…” he mumbled, blinking up wearily at his two close friends. No one bothered to ask where he came from considering he’d been sleeping on the other side of the room previously. The three had crashed at Yamapi’s apartment after deciding it was too late for either Ryo or Jin to return home safely - fangirls - and since Yamapi’s house was the closest, they’d gone there.
“What’s up?” he asked after sitting up.
“How’d he move over here?” Yamapi asked.
Ryo shrugged and then turned back to stare in awe. This was bad, very, very bad. This was worse than a hangover.
“What?” Jin asked, blinking in confusion.
“Jin, listen and listen well okay?” Ryo sat, and made eye contact with Jin.
“Yeah?”
“Yamapi and I switched bodies.”
Jin blinked. “I’m sorry what?”
“We switched bodies. I’m Ryo, that’s Yamapi,” Ryo explained, making a note of pointing out who was who.
Jin nodded slowly, but the spark that usually appeared when things clicked, didn’t. Still maintaining eye contact with Yamapi’s body (Ryo), Jin called Ryo’s body over (Yamapi), “Hey Ryo…Yamapi’s lost it again.”
“What do you mean lost it again?” Yamapi growled, hitting Jin hard on the head.
Ryo sighed, he’d known this was coming.
“It’s true!” Yamapi cried.
Jin eyed them suspiciously. Clearing his throat he said, “Well suppose this is true, how’d it happen?”
“If we knew, do you think we’d be sitting here wondering the same thing?” Yamapi snorted, still upset about Jin’s previous comment.
Ryo sighed and spoke, “Okay, what we’ve got to figure out is how to reverse this!”
“Wait, wait!” Jin interrupted, holding his hand up for silence. He stared at the both of them in a composed, serious manner. “If you two have switched bodies…does that mean I’m Kame?”
Yamapi nearly fell over. “No!”
Ryo sighed. Maybe this was just a nightmare.
As he was mulling it over, Jin’s foot collided against the back of his, Yamapi’s head.
“OW!” he howled.
“Sorry! I tripped!”
“What are you doing?” Yamapi demanded.
Jin looked at Yamapi (Ryo’s body, just to make it clear one last time) as if he had asked the stupidest question in the world. “Don’t you know!?” he asked, gasping.
“Know what?” Yamapi and Ryo asked simultaneously.
“I learned this from the Americans. When you need something, like a wish to be granted, or in your case to get your body back, you have to find the Wizard.”
“The who?” Once again at the same time.
“…of Oz,” Jin finished.
Ryo nearly choked on his spit. “The Wizard of Oz? Yellow brick road Oz? Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion Oz? Wicked Witch of the West Oz? Dorothy and red shoes Oz? That Oz??”
“Yes.”
Yamapi groaned. “You know, the Wizard of Oz isn’t just limited to the Americans. It’s called a fairytale Jin.”
“Well of course I know it’s a fairytale!” Jin grumbled, looking hurt. “I’m not stupid.”
At the moment Ryo believed Jin was. He didn’t say anything of course because then Yamapi would scold him for hurting Jin’s feelings.
“Sorry, Jin. So what’s this about the Wizard of Oz?” Yamapi asked, playing along.
Ryo opened his mouth but Yamapi shot him a look that said ‘Just entertain him for now and then we can figure out what’s wrong with us.’
“Well if we find the Wizard of Oz, he can grant us our wishes and then you two can have your bodies back!”
“Oh, great,” Ryo remarked sarcastically.
“Well?”
“Well what?” Yamapi asked.
“Well come on! Let’s go find the yellow brick road!” Jin exclaimed. He then proceeded to skip to the door and yanked it open. What they saw on the other side though, surprised Ryo.
“Impossible!” Yamapi gasped, pointing at it in obvious surprise.
The view outside the door revealed a clear and distinct path of yellow bricks, leading gaily and smoothly towards a far away neverland. Yamapi and Ryo watched the road in awe, taking note of its serpentine curves and bright color.
“Come on! What are you waiting for?” Jin asked, gesturing them over. Still in shock, Ryo and Yamapi scurried to catch up to Jin who had already gone out. As soon as they left the apartment, the door slammed shut behind them.
“Is it just me, or did my apartment just…disappear?” Yamapi asked. He stared at the vast nothingness that stretched behind them.
“Nowhere to go but forward,” Ryo stated absentmindedly as he continued to eye the yellow brick road.
“Come on, come on!” Jin called from up ahead. “Hurry up!”
When Ryo and Yamapi had caught up with Jin, they found him conversing with a scarecrow and lion, who oddly enough, resembled Tegoshi and Masuda, respectively.
Yamapi walked over and eyed the two characters. “Hey scarecrow, what’s your name?”
The scarecrow turned his head and smiled and replied, “Why Scarecrow of course!”
“Hm, I see,” Yamapi mused. Then turning to the lion he asked the same question, “Hey lion, what’s your name?”
The lion smiled a large smile and replied, “It’s Lion. By the way, do you have anything to eat?”
Yamapi sighed. “No, I don’t, sorry.”
Meanwhile Jin and Scarecrow had resumed their conversation from earlier.
“So why are you and Lion going to see the Wizard of Oz?” Jin asked.
“Ah! Well, you see, gay marriage isn’t allowed here in Oz because of the Wicked Witch of the West and her homophobic laws. So we wanted to ask the wizard to give us a license to marry,” Tego--Scarecrow explained while Lion nodded along.
All the while Ryo pondered over the durability of a relationship between a scarecrow and a lion.
“Well if we’re all going to the same place, let’s go together!” Scarecrow suggested.
“Okay!” Jin agreed.
Further down the road they met up with the tin man, who looked like Koyama.
“Where’d the little girl and her dog go?” the tin man mumbled in confusion.
“Hi!” Yamapi greeted. The tin man walked over and eyed the five of them. Upon recognizing the scarecrow and lion, the tin man asked, “Hey, aren’t you two forbidden to enter Oz?”
Scarecrow and Lion eyed each other before smiling at him. Lion replied, “Yes but we’re looking for the Wizard of Oz and we need to be in Oz for that.”
“Oh, you’re going to the Wizard of Oz as well?” the tin man asked.
“Yeah, you too?”
“Yup, I wanted to find a soulmate.”
“Well why don’t you join us?” Yamapi suggested.
“Alright!”
“Oh by the way, does your name happen to be Koyama?” Yamapi asked.
“No, I’m Tin Man.”
And so the six of them set off to find the Wizard of Oz. The sun was hanging beautifully in the background and everyone was in high spirits. That is until the Wicked Witch of the West decided to grace them with her presence.
“NIHIHIHIHI!” her shrill laugh pierced the air and carried throughout the land.
“YOU!” she screeched, landing directly in front of Tegoshi and Massu-Scarecrow and Lion. “I thought I banned you from Oz! I will have no gays in my kingdom!” She smacked her broom loudly against the ground in anger. “Get out, get out, get out!!” she shrieked, chasing after the two in circles.
“What do we do?” Yamapi asked anxiously.
“Oh, it’s okay, this happens all the time. She gets tired after awhile.” Tin Man responded, staring blankly at the scene before them.
Suddenly Jin jumped up and yelled, “I’ll save you!” With that he dashed forward and threw a firecracker at her (a lit one, mind you). “Get ou--!” It made its target, hitting her square in the face.
Boom! There was a small explosion and suddenly the witch started to scream and cry, tearing at her hair. “I’m melting! I’m melting!” In two seconds time all that was left of her was a messy puddle of green goo and her robes.
“Well now that that’s taken care of…” Ryo said.
“You killed the Wicked Witch of the West!” Suddenly from all around them little people emerged. They scuffled over to examine the pile of ooze and laughed and clapped and cheered for joy. Soon after they broke into song.
“Ding dong the wicked witch is dead! Which witch? The wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!”
In the midst of this, the six wanderers continued on their journey to find the Wizard of Oz.
Halfway through the path, Jin stopped and yelled, “Wait!”
When he had their attention, he began, “If the wicked witch is dead, then there’s no reason for Scarecrow and Lion to go see the Wizard of Oz!”
Scarecrow and Lion turned to each other and grinned. “We’re free to marry!” they cried joyfully then proceeded to hug.
So then Scarecrow and Lion said goodbye and thanked Jin for killing the witch. The two skipped off together into the forest.
“They really do look like Tegoshi and Massu,” Yamapi mumbled. Ryo nodded in agreement.
When they resumed walking, Jin halted them once more. “Wait, that wasn’t what I was going to say! You know in the Wizard of Oz? When they go to see the Wizard he doesn’t actually have magical powers!”
“What?!” Tin Man cried in shock.
“So we can’t visit him because he won’t be able to change you two back!”
“I won’t get a soulmate?” Tin Man asked, disillusioned.
Then suddenly a voice from the bush beside them called out, “You don’t need to find a soulmate! I’ve been here all along!”
When the owner of the voice came out from its hiding place both Ryo and Yamapi raised their eyebrows.
“Hey,” Yamapi whispered, “Doesn’t that look like Shige?”
“No, it’s a human-sized oiling can,” Ryo replied.
So Tin Man too, found true happiness. He found happiness in someone named Oiling Can, not Shige. Ryo, Yamapi and Jin waved goodbye to their newly made friends before setting off as well.
“What do we do now?” Yamapi asked. “I’m beginning to worry.”
“Don’t worry! All we have to do is visit Cinderella’s fairy godmother!” Jin answered.
Ryo raised an eyebrow. “And where are we going to find her?”
“At Cinderella’s stepmother’s house!” Jin replied. He then rushed off the path and into the forest.
So the two tagged after the still overly jubilant Jin. Once past the forest they came upon a clearing. Up ahead they saw a small straw hut. “Come on!!” Jin called, urging them forward.
Inside they looked around and found no fairy godmother. “Heeeey, this isn’t Cinderella’s stepmother’s house!” Jin pouted.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
“Open up!” a gruff voice called.
The three turned in surprise to stare at the door.
“Open up now!”
Jin moved quickly to the window and looked out. There he spotted...Johnny…the wolf!
“It’s Johnny the wolf!” he cried. “And he looks mad!!”
“We won’t open the door! Kon Kon!” Yamapi yelled suddenly.
“Oh yeah? Well I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!” By “house” he must’ve been subtly implying their careers as Johnnies as well.
So he huffed and he puffed, and he blew the house down.
The three ran, not knowing exactly why but did anyways to fulfill the purpose of this story. Next they came upon a house made of sticks. Quickly running in and locking the door, the three sat waiting.
“OPEN UP!”
“No!” Jin cried.
“Well I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!”
And he huffed, and he puffed, and he did blow the house down.
Once again the three ran. The next house they came to was a house made of bricks. Yellow bricks. Low budget or what?
“Hey...isn’t that-?” but Ryo had no time to finish his question because Johnny the wolf had caught up to them.
They ran in and hurriedly barricaded the door.
The same procedure carried out but this time no matter how much Johnny huffed and no matter how much he puffed, he simply could not blow the house down. Soon enough, Johnny had huffed and puffed so much, that he had run out of air. He died shortly after.
When the excitement had died down, the three of them looked around to check out their surroundings. Up on the wall was a dusty picture of Cinderella’s stepmother and her two stepsisters.
“Hey! We have the right house!” Jin cheered.
Sure enough, a minute later fairy dust fluttered to the ground and Cinderella’s fairy godmother materialized.
“Where’s my godchild?” she asked confusedly. “Who are you?”
“I’m Akanishi Jin, this is Nishikido Ryo and that’s Yamashita Tomohisa or Yamapi, except Ryo and Yamapi aren’t in their right bodies, so we need you to switch them back.”
Once her initial confusion had gone, she looked them over. “I see, I see,” she said.
“Can you help us?” Yamapi asked.
“Why yes, I can help you. BUT, you must be very careful. Once the clock strikes twelve midnight, you will turn back.”
“Shit.”
“Ooooh…I forgot about that!”
“Well that idea just went down the drain.”
“I guess I won’t be much help after all, will I?” the fairy god mother asked. The boys sighed in response.
“Ah! I know!” she said, snapping her fingers. “I’ll send you to my little brother, Rumpelstiltskin! I’m sure he can help!”
With that decided, she instructed them to join hands and close their eyes. “Now, tap your shoes together and chant ‘There’s no place like hell’ three times. Before you know it, you’ll be in my little brother’s lair!”
They did so nervously.
With only the sound of Whoosh to warn them, they were quickly whisked away. When they next opened their eyes they were staring at the little man named Rumpelstiltskin.
“What can I do for you?” he asked with a bow.
Ryo stepped up. “My friend and I switched bodies and we’re trying to switch back.”
“Do you think you could help us?” Yamapi finished.
Rumpelstiltskin stared at them blankly and then replied in a heavily sarcastic manner, “No problem, just like spinning straw into gold!”
Yamapi and Ryo exchanged worried looks. Rumpelstiltskin continued, “Of course I can’t. I spin straw into gold, I’m not God.”
Jin interrupted, “Well what can you do?”
“Like I said, I spin straw into gold, it’s a hobby of mine. And I can do it simply for the price of your voice!”
“Yeah?” Jin asked, deeply interested.
“Of course, but you’re promising your voice, right? I’ve always wanted to sing like one of you guys. The fame, the glory! Ah glory, sweet glory.” He waddled over to his little work area and began to spin straw into gold. In a matter of two seconds he’d already done two yards.
“Well? Fork it over,” Rumpelstiltskin demanded greedily.
“I…I don’t want to anymore!” Jin whined, covering his neck protectively.
“Isn’t that just dandy? The princess said the same thing,” Rumpelstiltskin muttered. “Oh alright. Fine, I’ll offer you an alternative. IF you can guess my name correctly, you can keep your baby--I mean voice.
“Well now you’re just reading off a script aren’t you?” Ryo remarked.
“Okay, oh oh! I know your name!”
“Go ahead.”
“Is it…Kame?”
“No.”
“Hm…is it…Junno?”
“Nope.”
“Is it…Koki?”
“No.”
“Ueda?”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Nakamaru--”
“No! You know, the girl from last time only made three wrong guesses. You suck at this. Can I have your voice now?”
“WAIT!” Jin cried. “Is it…Rumpelskinstilt??”
Ryo sighed, Yamapi coughed.
“…stiltskin,” Rumpelstiltskin whispered.
“Huh?”
“…stiltskin,” he corrected again.
“Who?”
The poor little man sighed and said clearly, “It’s Rumpelstiltskin.”
Ryo rolled his eyes and Yamapi shook his head.
“Oh, oh yeah, YEAH! Thank you!”
“You’re welcome.”
Jin cleared his throat and asked, “Is it…Rumpelstiltskin?”
Rumpelstiltskin sighed heavily and in a monotone voice he cried, “Oh no, you guessed it, you guessed it. How in the world did you know? Who told you? - here’s where I stomp a hole into the ground - AAAAAYEEEOO!!”
So the little man known as Rumpelstiltskin stomped and stomped, and true to his words of warning, stomped a hole into the ground. The floor shook, cracked and crumbled beneath their feet.
Before they knew it, they were plummeting through the cracks.
“Oof!” Ryo opened his eyes to find himself lying on a bed. Yamapi’s bed.
“Hey! We’re back!” Jin noted.
Yamapi moaned and sat up, “Did we get changed back?”
Ryo looked over and groaned, “No.” Both of them eyed Jin wearily.
“We’re back to square one,” Ryo said, sighing.
“There’s only one thing to do now!” Jin chirped.
Ryo and Yamapi reluctantly asked, “What?”
“You know that one fairytale? With the sleeping girl? What was it called again?”
“…sleeping beauty?”
“Yeah, that one! The prince kisses her in the end and she wakes up and the spell over the entire kingdom is lifted!”
Ryo raised an eyebrow. “You want me to what?”
“Kiss Yamapi!”
Ryo’s mouth dropped.
“Come on Ryo! Do it!”
“It’s not guaranteed to work.”
“The kiss always works!” Jin said. “Remember Snow White?”
“…”
“Come on Ryo!!”
“Aren’t you going to back me up here Yamapi?”
Up until now, Yamapi had been silent, now he stared at Ryo and then at Jin. “…it’s like kissing your reflection…” he began.
Ryo groaned.
“Oh come on Ryo, let’s do it. I’m willing to try anything now. It’s hard being you, you’re so short!”
Ryo glared. “At least I don’t look like a peach!”
“You were blonde! Has anyone told you that blonde does not work for you?”
“Well at least I changed back! I know when something doesn’t look good.”
“Are you saying I can’t tell the difference between what looks good and what doesn’t?”
“I’m saying you look like a peach.”
The two continued to argue, pointing out the bad qualities of the other. Meanwhile Jin snuck up behind Ryo (which was actually Yamapi’s body).
“Timberrrrrrrr!” he yelled (yes in English) and pushed Ryo straight into…well, Ryo’s body. Lips collided.
“Mmmph!”
Ryo had closed his eyes for fear of what would happen next. He opened one and then the other. The face directly in front of him was no longer his own.
“We did it!” Yamapi cried, testing out his hands. “I’ve got my body back!”
So engulfed in the sheer happiness of getting their bodies back, the two completely forgot about their previous discontent with each other. Ryo reached over to tousle Yamapi’s hair.
Meanwhile Jin grinned, happy to see his best friends had reconciled.
In English he began to sing with a heavy accent, “Ryo and Yamapi sitting in a to-reee, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first come rabu, then come marriage, then come a baby in a baby carriage…”
He was simply ignored. Besides, Ryo and Yamapi were too busy resuming their kiss.
Two kisses later, Ryo decided it wasn’t so bad. After all, they’d just lived through four fairytales and he was beginning to question his sanity. This kiss was the least of his worries.
What was the worst that could happen? Waking up?
Fin~
Title: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Group/Pairing(s): Ryopi, mild Tegomassu, mild Koyato
Rating: PG
Summary: Classical body switch with a fairytale twist
Word count: 3920
Ryo had woken up this morning feeling a little bit different.
Maybe he was still a little hung over from last night out with Yamapi and Jin. But he hadn’t drunk that much. Sure, he couldn’t exactly remember what had happened last night, but that was just because he’d never been good with alcohol. In fact, Ryo didn’t know why he drank in the first place.
At that instant, an image of Yamapi grinning mischievously popped into his head. Oh, that’s why.
“AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”
They’d been out celebrating…well he couldn’t quite recall what at the moment--god that scream was loud, but they’d been out celebrating something.
Oh. He remembered now. They’d been celebrating the 4th of July. God knows why. If anything, they should’ve been celebrating Jin’s birthday. But what could they have done? If Jin wanted a fourth of July celebration, then so be it, not mentioning the fact that they lived in Japan, not America.
Jin had called him around seven last night, insisting that he celebrated Independence Day with them, them being Jin and Pi. The idiot. Honestly, the things Jin picked up in America.
Regardless, Ryo had chosen to go with them because he hadn’t hung out with them for fun in a long time and heck, it was Jin’s birthday.
“First we need to find some fireworks,” Jin said. His eyes glimmered abnormally bright as he planned.
Ryo rolled his eyes and exchanged knowing glances with Yamapi. Once Akanishi Jin got set on something, he’d ignore everything else completely until he accomplished his task. To put it simply, Jin had forgotten that Ryo and Yamapi were there.
“You might want to try the convenience store over there,” Ryo suggested.
“Why are we doing this again?” Yamapi finally spoke up.
Jin glanced up and replied in a knowing manner, “We are celebrating the 4th of July to maintain the American spirit.”
Ryo had a feeling that Jin didn’t actually know.
As Jin darted across the street to the convenience store to buy the fireworks, Ryo looked over Yamapi. Work hadn’t allowed him to take in his friend’s new haircut. He hated it.
“Pi?”
“Hm?”
“When are you going to get a new haircut?”
“I dunno, in a few months I guess?”
“Couldn’t you do it any sooner?”
Yamapi gave him a look and patted his hair. “Why? I just got this one. What’s wrong?”
‘You look like a peach,’ Ryo wanted to say, but managed to keep his mouth shut. Lately he’d grown used to holding back his insults. This was only for Yamapi of course.
“Um, I just thought the black, non-fuzzed up hair looked nice.” Well he couldn’t keep all of it in.
“Fuzz?” Yamapi questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“Ye-“
“I got it, I got it!” Ryo was rudely interrupted by an ecstatic Jin running towards them at full speed.
After that the haircut matter was dropped and the three of them proceeded to find a nice hilltop overlooking the city to light their fireworks. Jin clapped in childlike glee as they watched the bright lights explode overhead. On the side, Yamapi played with the small ones, letting the spark travel up the stick and towards his fingers, dying out just before it reached his skin.
Ryo sat back and smiled. Alright, so this non-existent-in-Japan holiday wasn’t that bad.
Then Jin decided to whip out the six-pack of beer.
“Oh come on, they all do it!” Jin prodded.
Ryo bet they didn’t.
“Oh come on Ryo!” But then Yamapi started pestering him too, so finally Ryo relented and grabbed a can, knowing he’d regret it in the morning.
And regret he did--
“RYO!”
He jumped in shock as the scream traveled into his ear and shook his ear drums.
“I’ve been yelling your name for the past five minutes!”
Ryo looked up, expecting to see Yamapi but was sadly mistaken (and a bit horrified) to glimpse a mirror reflection of himself.
“Wha-?”
“Exactly!”
Right in front of him, was him, himself!
“Then who am I?” he asked out loud.
“Who do you think?” Yamapi asked, taking up a sarcastic tone with one hand on his hip, Ryo’s hip.
“You!”
“Yes me!”
“Mmmhmsssd.” At that moment, Jin decided to wake up. “Hmm, morning…” he mumbled, blinking up wearily at his two close friends. No one bothered to ask where he came from considering he’d been sleeping on the other side of the room previously. The three had crashed at Yamapi’s apartment after deciding it was too late for either Ryo or Jin to return home safely - fangirls - and since Yamapi’s house was the closest, they’d gone there.
“What’s up?” he asked after sitting up.
“How’d he move over here?” Yamapi asked.
Ryo shrugged and then turned back to stare in awe. This was bad, very, very bad. This was worse than a hangover.
“What?” Jin asked, blinking in confusion.
“Jin, listen and listen well okay?” Ryo sat, and made eye contact with Jin.
“Yeah?”
“Yamapi and I switched bodies.”
Jin blinked. “I’m sorry what?”
“We switched bodies. I’m Ryo, that’s Yamapi,” Ryo explained, making a note of pointing out who was who.
Jin nodded slowly, but the spark that usually appeared when things clicked, didn’t. Still maintaining eye contact with Yamapi’s body (Ryo), Jin called Ryo’s body over (Yamapi), “Hey Ryo…Yamapi’s lost it again.”
“What do you mean lost it again?” Yamapi growled, hitting Jin hard on the head.
Ryo sighed, he’d known this was coming.
“It’s true!” Yamapi cried.
Jin eyed them suspiciously. Clearing his throat he said, “Well suppose this is true, how’d it happen?”
“If we knew, do you think we’d be sitting here wondering the same thing?” Yamapi snorted, still upset about Jin’s previous comment.
Ryo sighed and spoke, “Okay, what we’ve got to figure out is how to reverse this!”
“Wait, wait!” Jin interrupted, holding his hand up for silence. He stared at the both of them in a composed, serious manner. “If you two have switched bodies…does that mean I’m Kame?”
Yamapi nearly fell over. “No!”
Ryo sighed. Maybe this was just a nightmare.
As he was mulling it over, Jin’s foot collided against the back of his, Yamapi’s head.
“OW!” he howled.
“Sorry! I tripped!”
“What are you doing?” Yamapi demanded.
Jin looked at Yamapi (Ryo’s body, just to make it clear one last time) as if he had asked the stupidest question in the world. “Don’t you know!?” he asked, gasping.
“Know what?” Yamapi and Ryo asked simultaneously.
“I learned this from the Americans. When you need something, like a wish to be granted, or in your case to get your body back, you have to find the Wizard.”
“The who?” Once again at the same time.
“…of Oz,” Jin finished.
Ryo nearly choked on his spit. “The Wizard of Oz? Yellow brick road Oz? Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion Oz? Wicked Witch of the West Oz? Dorothy and red shoes Oz? That Oz??”
“Yes.”
Yamapi groaned. “You know, the Wizard of Oz isn’t just limited to the Americans. It’s called a fairytale Jin.”
“Well of course I know it’s a fairytale!” Jin grumbled, looking hurt. “I’m not stupid.”
At the moment Ryo believed Jin was. He didn’t say anything of course because then Yamapi would scold him for hurting Jin’s feelings.
“Sorry, Jin. So what’s this about the Wizard of Oz?” Yamapi asked, playing along.
Ryo opened his mouth but Yamapi shot him a look that said ‘Just entertain him for now and then we can figure out what’s wrong with us.’
“Well if we find the Wizard of Oz, he can grant us our wishes and then you two can have your bodies back!”
“Oh, great,” Ryo remarked sarcastically.
“Well?”
“Well what?” Yamapi asked.
“Well come on! Let’s go find the yellow brick road!” Jin exclaimed. He then proceeded to skip to the door and yanked it open. What they saw on the other side though, surprised Ryo.
“Impossible!” Yamapi gasped, pointing at it in obvious surprise.
The view outside the door revealed a clear and distinct path of yellow bricks, leading gaily and smoothly towards a far away neverland. Yamapi and Ryo watched the road in awe, taking note of its serpentine curves and bright color.
“Come on! What are you waiting for?” Jin asked, gesturing them over. Still in shock, Ryo and Yamapi scurried to catch up to Jin who had already gone out. As soon as they left the apartment, the door slammed shut behind them.
“Is it just me, or did my apartment just…disappear?” Yamapi asked. He stared at the vast nothingness that stretched behind them.
“Nowhere to go but forward,” Ryo stated absentmindedly as he continued to eye the yellow brick road.
“Come on, come on!” Jin called from up ahead. “Hurry up!”
When Ryo and Yamapi had caught up with Jin, they found him conversing with a scarecrow and lion, who oddly enough, resembled Tegoshi and Masuda, respectively.
Yamapi walked over and eyed the two characters. “Hey scarecrow, what’s your name?”
The scarecrow turned his head and smiled and replied, “Why Scarecrow of course!”
“Hm, I see,” Yamapi mused. Then turning to the lion he asked the same question, “Hey lion, what’s your name?”
The lion smiled a large smile and replied, “It’s Lion. By the way, do you have anything to eat?”
Yamapi sighed. “No, I don’t, sorry.”
Meanwhile Jin and Scarecrow had resumed their conversation from earlier.
“So why are you and Lion going to see the Wizard of Oz?” Jin asked.
“Ah! Well, you see, gay marriage isn’t allowed here in Oz because of the Wicked Witch of the West and her homophobic laws. So we wanted to ask the wizard to give us a license to marry,” Tego--Scarecrow explained while Lion nodded along.
All the while Ryo pondered over the durability of a relationship between a scarecrow and a lion.
“Well if we’re all going to the same place, let’s go together!” Scarecrow suggested.
“Okay!” Jin agreed.
Further down the road they met up with the tin man, who looked like Koyama.
“Where’d the little girl and her dog go?” the tin man mumbled in confusion.
“Hi!” Yamapi greeted. The tin man walked over and eyed the five of them. Upon recognizing the scarecrow and lion, the tin man asked, “Hey, aren’t you two forbidden to enter Oz?”
Scarecrow and Lion eyed each other before smiling at him. Lion replied, “Yes but we’re looking for the Wizard of Oz and we need to be in Oz for that.”
“Oh, you’re going to the Wizard of Oz as well?” the tin man asked.
“Yeah, you too?”
“Yup, I wanted to find a soulmate.”
“Well why don’t you join us?” Yamapi suggested.
“Alright!”
“Oh by the way, does your name happen to be Koyama?” Yamapi asked.
“No, I’m Tin Man.”
And so the six of them set off to find the Wizard of Oz. The sun was hanging beautifully in the background and everyone was in high spirits. That is until the Wicked Witch of the West decided to grace them with her presence.
“NIHIHIHIHI!” her shrill laugh pierced the air and carried throughout the land.
“YOU!” she screeched, landing directly in front of Tegoshi and Massu-Scarecrow and Lion. “I thought I banned you from Oz! I will have no gays in my kingdom!” She smacked her broom loudly against the ground in anger. “Get out, get out, get out!!” she shrieked, chasing after the two in circles.
“What do we do?” Yamapi asked anxiously.
“Oh, it’s okay, this happens all the time. She gets tired after awhile.” Tin Man responded, staring blankly at the scene before them.
Suddenly Jin jumped up and yelled, “I’ll save you!” With that he dashed forward and threw a firecracker at her (a lit one, mind you). “Get ou--!” It made its target, hitting her square in the face.
Boom! There was a small explosion and suddenly the witch started to scream and cry, tearing at her hair. “I’m melting! I’m melting!” In two seconds time all that was left of her was a messy puddle of green goo and her robes.
“Well now that that’s taken care of…” Ryo said.
“You killed the Wicked Witch of the West!” Suddenly from all around them little people emerged. They scuffled over to examine the pile of ooze and laughed and clapped and cheered for joy. Soon after they broke into song.
“Ding dong the wicked witch is dead! Which witch? The wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!”
In the midst of this, the six wanderers continued on their journey to find the Wizard of Oz.
Halfway through the path, Jin stopped and yelled, “Wait!”
When he had their attention, he began, “If the wicked witch is dead, then there’s no reason for Scarecrow and Lion to go see the Wizard of Oz!”
Scarecrow and Lion turned to each other and grinned. “We’re free to marry!” they cried joyfully then proceeded to hug.
So then Scarecrow and Lion said goodbye and thanked Jin for killing the witch. The two skipped off together into the forest.
“They really do look like Tegoshi and Massu,” Yamapi mumbled. Ryo nodded in agreement.
When they resumed walking, Jin halted them once more. “Wait, that wasn’t what I was going to say! You know in the Wizard of Oz? When they go to see the Wizard he doesn’t actually have magical powers!”
“What?!” Tin Man cried in shock.
“So we can’t visit him because he won’t be able to change you two back!”
“I won’t get a soulmate?” Tin Man asked, disillusioned.
Then suddenly a voice from the bush beside them called out, “You don’t need to find a soulmate! I’ve been here all along!”
When the owner of the voice came out from its hiding place both Ryo and Yamapi raised their eyebrows.
“Hey,” Yamapi whispered, “Doesn’t that look like Shige?”
“No, it’s a human-sized oiling can,” Ryo replied.
So Tin Man too, found true happiness. He found happiness in someone named Oiling Can, not Shige. Ryo, Yamapi and Jin waved goodbye to their newly made friends before setting off as well.
“What do we do now?” Yamapi asked. “I’m beginning to worry.”
“Don’t worry! All we have to do is visit Cinderella’s fairy godmother!” Jin answered.
Ryo raised an eyebrow. “And where are we going to find her?”
“At Cinderella’s stepmother’s house!” Jin replied. He then rushed off the path and into the forest.
So the two tagged after the still overly jubilant Jin. Once past the forest they came upon a clearing. Up ahead they saw a small straw hut. “Come on!!” Jin called, urging them forward.
Inside they looked around and found no fairy godmother. “Heeeey, this isn’t Cinderella’s stepmother’s house!” Jin pouted.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
“Open up!” a gruff voice called.
The three turned in surprise to stare at the door.
“Open up now!”
Jin moved quickly to the window and looked out. There he spotted...Johnny…the wolf!
“It’s Johnny the wolf!” he cried. “And he looks mad!!”
“We won’t open the door! Kon Kon!” Yamapi yelled suddenly.
“Oh yeah? Well I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!” By “house” he must’ve been subtly implying their careers as Johnnies as well.
So he huffed and he puffed, and he blew the house down.
The three ran, not knowing exactly why but did anyways to fulfill the purpose of this story. Next they came upon a house made of sticks. Quickly running in and locking the door, the three sat waiting.
“OPEN UP!”
“No!” Jin cried.
“Well I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!”
And he huffed, and he puffed, and he did blow the house down.
Once again the three ran. The next house they came to was a house made of bricks. Yellow bricks. Low budget or what?
“Hey...isn’t that-?” but Ryo had no time to finish his question because Johnny the wolf had caught up to them.
They ran in and hurriedly barricaded the door.
The same procedure carried out but this time no matter how much Johnny huffed and no matter how much he puffed, he simply could not blow the house down. Soon enough, Johnny had huffed and puffed so much, that he had run out of air. He died shortly after.
When the excitement had died down, the three of them looked around to check out their surroundings. Up on the wall was a dusty picture of Cinderella’s stepmother and her two stepsisters.
“Hey! We have the right house!” Jin cheered.
Sure enough, a minute later fairy dust fluttered to the ground and Cinderella’s fairy godmother materialized.
“Where’s my godchild?” she asked confusedly. “Who are you?”
“I’m Akanishi Jin, this is Nishikido Ryo and that’s Yamashita Tomohisa or Yamapi, except Ryo and Yamapi aren’t in their right bodies, so we need you to switch them back.”
Once her initial confusion had gone, she looked them over. “I see, I see,” she said.
“Can you help us?” Yamapi asked.
“Why yes, I can help you. BUT, you must be very careful. Once the clock strikes twelve midnight, you will turn back.”
“Shit.”
“Ooooh…I forgot about that!”
“Well that idea just went down the drain.”
“I guess I won’t be much help after all, will I?” the fairy god mother asked. The boys sighed in response.
“Ah! I know!” she said, snapping her fingers. “I’ll send you to my little brother, Rumpelstiltskin! I’m sure he can help!”
With that decided, she instructed them to join hands and close their eyes. “Now, tap your shoes together and chant ‘There’s no place like hell’ three times. Before you know it, you’ll be in my little brother’s lair!”
They did so nervously.
With only the sound of Whoosh to warn them, they were quickly whisked away. When they next opened their eyes they were staring at the little man named Rumpelstiltskin.
“What can I do for you?” he asked with a bow.
Ryo stepped up. “My friend and I switched bodies and we’re trying to switch back.”
“Do you think you could help us?” Yamapi finished.
Rumpelstiltskin stared at them blankly and then replied in a heavily sarcastic manner, “No problem, just like spinning straw into gold!”
Yamapi and Ryo exchanged worried looks. Rumpelstiltskin continued, “Of course I can’t. I spin straw into gold, I’m not God.”
Jin interrupted, “Well what can you do?”
“Like I said, I spin straw into gold, it’s a hobby of mine. And I can do it simply for the price of your voice!”
“Yeah?” Jin asked, deeply interested.
“Of course, but you’re promising your voice, right? I’ve always wanted to sing like one of you guys. The fame, the glory! Ah glory, sweet glory.” He waddled over to his little work area and began to spin straw into gold. In a matter of two seconds he’d already done two yards.
“Well? Fork it over,” Rumpelstiltskin demanded greedily.
“I…I don’t want to anymore!” Jin whined, covering his neck protectively.
“Isn’t that just dandy? The princess said the same thing,” Rumpelstiltskin muttered. “Oh alright. Fine, I’ll offer you an alternative. IF you can guess my name correctly, you can keep your baby--I mean voice.
“Well now you’re just reading off a script aren’t you?” Ryo remarked.
“Okay, oh oh! I know your name!”
“Go ahead.”
“Is it…Kame?”
“No.”
“Hm…is it…Junno?”
“Nope.”
“Is it…Koki?”
“No.”
“Ueda?”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Nakamaru--”
“No! You know, the girl from last time only made three wrong guesses. You suck at this. Can I have your voice now?”
“WAIT!” Jin cried. “Is it…Rumpelskinstilt??”
Ryo sighed, Yamapi coughed.
“…stiltskin,” Rumpelstiltskin whispered.
“Huh?”
“…stiltskin,” he corrected again.
“Who?”
The poor little man sighed and said clearly, “It’s Rumpelstiltskin.”
Ryo rolled his eyes and Yamapi shook his head.
“Oh, oh yeah, YEAH! Thank you!”
“You’re welcome.”
Jin cleared his throat and asked, “Is it…Rumpelstiltskin?”
Rumpelstiltskin sighed heavily and in a monotone voice he cried, “Oh no, you guessed it, you guessed it. How in the world did you know? Who told you? - here’s where I stomp a hole into the ground - AAAAAYEEEOO!!”
So the little man known as Rumpelstiltskin stomped and stomped, and true to his words of warning, stomped a hole into the ground. The floor shook, cracked and crumbled beneath their feet.
Before they knew it, they were plummeting through the cracks.
“Oof!” Ryo opened his eyes to find himself lying on a bed. Yamapi’s bed.
“Hey! We’re back!” Jin noted.
Yamapi moaned and sat up, “Did we get changed back?”
Ryo looked over and groaned, “No.” Both of them eyed Jin wearily.
“We’re back to square one,” Ryo said, sighing.
“There’s only one thing to do now!” Jin chirped.
Ryo and Yamapi reluctantly asked, “What?”
“You know that one fairytale? With the sleeping girl? What was it called again?”
“…sleeping beauty?”
“Yeah, that one! The prince kisses her in the end and she wakes up and the spell over the entire kingdom is lifted!”
Ryo raised an eyebrow. “You want me to what?”
“Kiss Yamapi!”
Ryo’s mouth dropped.
“Come on Ryo! Do it!”
“It’s not guaranteed to work.”
“The kiss always works!” Jin said. “Remember Snow White?”
“…”
“Come on Ryo!!”
“Aren’t you going to back me up here Yamapi?”
Up until now, Yamapi had been silent, now he stared at Ryo and then at Jin. “…it’s like kissing your reflection…” he began.
Ryo groaned.
“Oh come on Ryo, let’s do it. I’m willing to try anything now. It’s hard being you, you’re so short!”
Ryo glared. “At least I don’t look like a peach!”
“You were blonde! Has anyone told you that blonde does not work for you?”
“Well at least I changed back! I know when something doesn’t look good.”
“Are you saying I can’t tell the difference between what looks good and what doesn’t?”
“I’m saying you look like a peach.”
The two continued to argue, pointing out the bad qualities of the other. Meanwhile Jin snuck up behind Ryo (which was actually Yamapi’s body).
“Timberrrrrrrr!” he yelled (yes in English) and pushed Ryo straight into…well, Ryo’s body. Lips collided.
“Mmmph!”
Ryo had closed his eyes for fear of what would happen next. He opened one and then the other. The face directly in front of him was no longer his own.
“We did it!” Yamapi cried, testing out his hands. “I’ve got my body back!”
So engulfed in the sheer happiness of getting their bodies back, the two completely forgot about their previous discontent with each other. Ryo reached over to tousle Yamapi’s hair.
Meanwhile Jin grinned, happy to see his best friends had reconciled.
In English he began to sing with a heavy accent, “Ryo and Yamapi sitting in a to-reee, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first come rabu, then come marriage, then come a baby in a baby carriage…”
He was simply ignored. Besides, Ryo and Yamapi were too busy resuming their kiss.
Two kisses later, Ryo decided it wasn’t so bad. After all, they’d just lived through four fairytales and he was beginning to question his sanity. This kiss was the least of his worries.
What was the worst that could happen? Waking up?
Fin~