[Ryo/Ueda] [PG] Let me go
Recipient: twirlingleaves
Title: Let me go
Group/Pairing(s): KAT-TUN, NEWS/RyoDa, bits of Koyato & Tegomass
Rating: PG (? I fail)
Summary: After years of hesitation Ueda craves all his courage to write a final loveletter to Ryo (= I suck at summaries)
Warnings/Notes: OOC, most likely xD, failed attempt at angst/I apologise to the poor soul who beta-read this, because I just realised by writing this how poor and limited my english actually is :(
And I apologise to twirlingleaves for sucking so badly at writing angst 8D Was supposed to be but didn't turned out at all ;_; I hope you still like it
Word Count: 3091
Ueda knew, that this would be most likely a huge mistake. That he would fail and regret it afterwards. That he would cry his eyes out and curse the day he was born. No, the day Nishikido Ryo was born. But he also knew, if he wouldn't do it, he would regret it the rest of his life. Never knowing if it - by chance - had worked out after all. Never really getting over it, never really being free for someone else.
And it seemed to be the only way to shut the door to this chapter of his life for once and all. He had realized it long ago and still it took him what seemed to be an eternety to actually DO something. An eternity, waiting for the perfect opportunity, that would never come, until he had craved all his courage to write everything down in a letter. He would shove it into Ryo's hands and run far away right after this.
He heaved a huge sigh, standing at the door to the changing room where NEWS was supposed to get ready for their next performance, waiting for Ryo to arrive.
He greeted the other members when they arrived one after the other and chatted a bit with them. He was slightly embarrassed when he didn't quite know how to answer, when they asked him, why exactly he was standing outside the changing room instead of waiting for that someone inside. Finally everyone was there - everyone except for Ryo.
Ueda squeaked, when he felt a cold touch in his neck. He turned around and saw Koyama standing in the door frame, holding a can of coke.
“Are you still waiting?” He gave him the can. “Here. For you.”
“Softdrinks are not healthy.”
Koyama grinned. “I know, Shige just told me and scolded me for buying it. But throwing it away would be a waste, so I thought I could give it to you instead.”
“How considerate. Nya, once in a while won't hurt.” He opened it and took a sip.
“Ueda-kun.” Koyama said. “Ryo will be a bit late.”
He coughed on his drink and stared horrified at Koyama.
“The Shinkansen has a delay because of some... what did he say again? retarded, suicidal brats that are playing on the rails.”
“Who says, I'm...”
“You're a bit too obvious.” Koyama patted him on the shoulder. “Good Luck.” He pointed down at the letter he was holding, that had written To Nishikido Ryo on it in bold letters.
Ueda blushed a deep shade of red. “It is not what it is looking like,” he stuttered.
“Don't worry. We are all cheering you on. And in case I have Nakamaru's phone number...”
“I think I won't need him, but thanks anyways. I'm actually...”
“Oh, what a picture! Ugly and uglier!” Ueda looked around to see Nishikido standing in the hallway, looking at him with a broad grin.
“I'll be going.” Koyama said and left the two alone.
“How does it come, that you honour us with your presence, Uebo-hime?”
“Here.” Ueda said firmly and handed the letter over. “I wanted to give this to you.”
Nishikido looked at it and furrowed a brow. “What's that?”
“It's a letter.” Ueda stated the obvious and blushing slightly. “Just read it, okay?”
“Mhh, okay. But what would you think of reading it aloud in front of everyone?” Nishikido smirked. “I could make copies and spread it throughout the juniors, too...”
For a moment all color vanished from Ueda's face and then he shoke his head. “That is so typical of you...” He heaved a sigh. “Give it back! I'd rather have you not read it that way... it was useless after all...”
“Oh, but you went through all this trouble to give it to me. That wouldn't be fair!”
Ueda wanted to take it from him, but just that moment Ryo opened the door and stepped into the room - with Ueda stumbling into it as well.
- - -
“Good morning, my dear fellows,” Ryo greeted the others cheerfully, “Uebo-hime decided to amuse us this morning.”
“Give it back.” Ueda whined and reached out for the letter. He had red speckles on his cheeks.
Ryo just grinned and turned around, while he took the letter out of the envelope and unfolded it. “Uebo-hime wrote a letter to me.” He cleared his throat and started reading. “Dear Ryo. I realized that there are still things untold between us. Things that I have to tell you, before I can move on“ Ryo snickered. “What is that? A confession, right? Cheesy! It is hard to write this down, but it is the only way for me.“ He went on. “Thinking of seeing your face, when I tell you this, the smug grin on your lips, imaging, how you would laugh at me, how you would drag me to the others, just to humiliate me in front of them. All that hurts too much. With a letter, I can hand it to you and run far away, before you can even open it (at least that is my plan). I don't want to see the disgust on your face when you read this.“ With every word his voice had become quieter and the grin fell from his face, still he didn't stop reading it aloud. “I love you. Always did. No matter how much you hurt me. It seems kind of useless to tell you, but I can't give up completely unless I can say, that I tried at least. I know you will turn me down, most likely tease me about it until you find something more amusing - and I don't even know if I would want to be with you at all, after the things that happened. The only thing I really want is, that you give my heart back to me, before you shatter it completely. You don't need my love. And you don't want it anyways.“ When he looked up he saw Ueda standing there, staring down at his feet. His whole body was shaking. “Ueda, I...” he started, but the next moment Ueda bursted into laughter.
“It's ok. Are you satisfied now?” His voice was so shaky, Ryo couldn't tell, whether he was laughing or crying. “Guess so...” He turned around and stepped out in the hallway. Without any further word he shut the door behind him. Ryo could hear the sounds of his footsteps.
- - -
The NEWS members, minus Ryo, sighed.
“I'm gonna call Nakamaru,” Koyama said, snapping his mobile open.
“Good. I will look after Ueda.” Yamapi grabbed his bag. “It's my job as a leader to clean up the mess you leave behind, when you think to play the uber-cool sexy Osaka Man again.” He looked at Ryo and rolled his eyes. “And you will think about, what you did. The others will surely help you with this. Ne?”
Tegoshi, Massu and Shige nodded. “Leave him to us,” Tegoshi said with a chirping voice.
Ryo didn't quite know, whether he should feel at rest or rather search for a way to get away fast.
“So,” Massu said, grabbed Ryo's shoulder and made him sit down on, “Let's explain to you, how to convey your feelings properly to another person. Seeing, that you failed the past...” He furrowed his brow and started to count his fingers.
“Must be four years... Or five already?” Shige mused, and Tegoshi nodded approvingly.
“What... what are you all talking about.” Ryo barked and folded his arms.
“We are talking about you being in L-O-V-E with Ueda-kun.” Tegoshi said sweetly and leaned closer to him. A grin on his cute lips. “You know, we thought it was better not to interfere, but... there comes a time...” He whispere sweetly and layed his hands on Ryo's shoulders. „that we can't stand it anymore,” He digged his fingernails through the fabric of Ryo's shirt into his flesh, making the latter whince. “that you are acting like a complete asshole towards the person you should be making sweet, sweet love to. There is a limit to how much we can take of your ignorance that is even bigger than your blown-up ego, Mr. Sexy-Osaka-Man, and your unrivaled dumbness, that make Akanishi-kun and Aiba-sempai look like geniuses beside you. You should finally learn your lesson, too. And we will teach you. Understood?”
Ryo gulped and nodded, still in a state of shock from Tegoshi's sudden behaviour.
“Fine.” Tegoshi said cheerfully, an innocent smile back on his lips. “Then look and listen closely while Massu-kun and I demonstrate you, how you should act around someone you love.”
- - -
“Ueda, wait!” Yamapi called and grabbed his arm, but Ueda just pushed him off.
“Leave me alone...”
“Ueda, please. Calm yourself down and listen to me. The situation is not as bad, as it seems.”
“Bad? It's not bad at all. I knew this would happen. There was no chance that he would react in any other way... I knew he would make a fool out of me in front of everyone - though I hoped I wouldn't have to listen. But... I was perfectly prepared of him to... scattered my heart into pieces... It's no big deal...” Ueda said and tried to force a smile on his lips.
“Ueda...” Yamapi pulled the older man into a short hug, patting his hair.
They sat down together, leaning against the wall. Yamapi wrapped one arm around Ueda's shoulders and the latter snuggled against his chest.
“You know, back then, when we asked all the juniors, what the most special thing about Ryo is, you were the only one who said, that he is the most caring person in the world. The friendliest guy you knew.”
“I was stupid, huh?”
“No, just the only one to notice. When he started to tease you, I always thought of telling him, but in the end I was to reluctant to actually do so...”
“But it's ok now. At that time I thought I could be the happiest person, just standing behind him. Just supporting him, nothing else. But a lot of things happened in the past six years. A lot of painful things. Of course, there were also happy things, but in the end... it was the painful things that changed us. We couldn't stay that innocent as we were back then for the rest of our lives... And after all I barely see the boy that I fell in love with, anymore when I look at him. I can't trust him anymore. I think it was time for me to give up. And I knew, he'd turn me down anyways. That is the Ryo he is now. I always expected it too come that way and my usual self would have avoided it by any means. It is just... I'm tired of being alone, I want to be loved by someone, I want to love someone. But as long as there was still this unsolved problem deep down in my heart, which I still had to find an answer for, I couldn't really think of moving on. Of letting anyone replace Ryo. But in the end, I have to give up. In order to become happy again, ne?”
- - -
“So...”, Ryo started after he had seen Tegoshi and Massu perform Kiss ~Kaerimichi no Lovesong~ about threehundred times. “I have a grasp now of how to confess to him, but... I... don't like him.”
Everyone heaved a huge sigh. “Don't lie to yourself,” they almost said in chorus, annoyance clear in their voices.
“But... Sure, there is something that I feel for him. But it is different to what I consider as liking someone. Way different. It is not, that I'm thinking that much about him, just... when I wake up and know I will see him on that day... or in that week... or month, I start to imagine things I could tell to him. Because when I see him, I want to go over and tease him. I'm almost looking forward to his pissed face. He lookes so funny when he is offended. Or when he feels embarassed. The shade of pink on his cheeks. I can't get enough of this. It is not that I want to hurt him, just... usually he seems to have about two facial expressions, the 'overly hyper happy smile' and more often the insecure I-don't-want-to-be-here face - though the latter one has some variations. But seeing that I can worm so many different faces out of him, that he shows no one else, makes me somehow happy. Though I really would like to raise a smile on his lips one day - not one of those he does for the camera. A real one, that is especially reserved for me. It hurts sometimes to think, that I'm not able to do this. That I rather make him cry. But... That doesn't mean that I like him, right?”
“Good to hear,” he heared a familiar voice saying.
Ryo looked up and saw Taguchi standing in the door together with Nakamaru.
“I thought to come along, when I heard that Koyama called,” Taguchi said, the usual bright smile on his lips that no one knew whether it was fake or real, “I was hoping for this situation, honestly. I wanted to confess to Uepii for a long time, but I refrained from it till now, because I knew that he loves you and... I'd never have a chance if I would have to fight against you for his love. But if you don't want him anyways... I just could use the chance you offer me.”
“Don't you dare...” Ryo had snapped before he had realized it. “I mean...”
“You don't like him. You just said it, right?”
“No... but... what do you want with someone like him? He is awfully untalented, though I have to admit, I kinda like him singing this weird songs he writes - suits him better than making a fool out of himself, messing up every choreography. He always gets sulky and overreacts, when you pick on him and still he sucks at retaliation, no matter how hard he tries. Starting to stutter in this cute way. And then turning around, pouting. Trying to hide the angry tears in his eyes. He always acts like a pampered child, though he is older than me. And then his weird mood swings. One day he is all hyper and happy and smiley and then the other day he looks like he will start to cry every moment... So fragile and vulnerable, that you have to protect him, no matter how often he says, that he is a strong boxer now, that can take care for himself... Wouldn't it be a bother, to have him around all the time? Having to hug him, when he looks at you with teary eyes, hoping, that it will cheer him up. Or having to tell him over and over again, that he is not ugly, but the most beautiful being you have every seen. All this to make him understand, that you...” Ryo hesitated a moment. “love him...?” Ryo looked through the room, at all the faces that were fixated on him, and than he nodded slowly. “I feel stupid...”
“No.” Tegoshi corrected him smiling. “You are stupid. And now get it going and catch him, as long as you can.”
- - -
Ryo found Ueda sitting at the floor next to Yamapi, who was patting his head. Ueda's eyes were puffy and there traces from tears on his cheeks.
The moment Yamapi saw him, he got up - making Ueda look up in confusion. „I'm gonna leave you to alone now.”
When he passed Ryo by, he put his hand on the latter's shoulder, gripping it firmly for a moment. “Don't mess it up now, okay? That is your last and only chance.”
Ryo nodded, before he sat down on the other side of the hallway, facing Ueda, who was looking at him full of mistrust.
“Ueda, I'm sorry,” he started, when Yamapi was out of earshot.
“So?” Ueda looked down at the floor, now a blank expression on his face.
“I was stupid.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, Tegoshi and the others confirmed to me.” He bit his lower lip. “I didn't mean to hurt you.”
Ueda just snorted, turning his head, so that his long bangs fell into his face.
“I didn't think before acting. I'm sorry, that I hurt you, but... actually...” Ryo was searching for the perfect words, though he knew he only needed to say those three, that were the most difficult.
“Don't worry.” Ueda stood up and turned away from him. “I'll get over it. That was the whole purpose of this after all. I'll find someone else. Don't feel guilty for breaking my heart. You never worried about hurting me before.” He looked back over his shoulder.
Ryo was unable to say something, could only stare at him. Stare at the tears, that were running down his cheeks. At the lips, that were shaking.
„It doesn't matter anymore. It is over.”
Ryo opened his mouth and closed it again. Why was it so difficult to say those three words and bring a smile his lips?
Ueda was slowly walking away from him.
Why wasn't he able to say something, when his last chance was passing away. He was no coward - he was not Pi, or Jin, or Kame for that matter.
“I... I love you!” he whispered and looked at the older man, who had frozen in movement.
“Don't... toy with me. Don't tell me anymore lies to hurt me...”
“I'm not lying!”
“How am I supposed to trust your words?”
“But I...”
“There is nothing you could say...”
“Nothing I could say...”, he spoke to him. But there had to be something he could do to. Something he could do.
Before he thought about it, he jumped to his feet, made a few steps forward and wrapped his arms around the other man's shoulders.
He felt Ueda gasp more than he heared him.
“I love you, really do...”, he whispered barely audible and breathed into his neck, feeled the body tense under his touch. Slowly he turned the other man around, bend foreward and kissed him. Hoping that his actions would speak more than his words.
Title: Let me go
Group/Pairing(s): KAT-TUN, NEWS/RyoDa, bits of Koyato & Tegomass
Rating: PG (? I fail)
Summary: After years of hesitation Ueda craves all his courage to write a final loveletter to Ryo (= I suck at summaries)
Warnings/Notes: OOC, most likely xD, failed attempt at angst/I apologise to the poor soul who beta-read this, because I just realised by writing this how poor and limited my english actually is :(
And I apologise to twirlingleaves for sucking so badly at writing angst 8D Was supposed to be but didn't turned out at all ;_; I hope you still like it
Word Count: 3091
Ueda knew, that this would be most likely a huge mistake. That he would fail and regret it afterwards. That he would cry his eyes out and curse the day he was born. No, the day Nishikido Ryo was born. But he also knew, if he wouldn't do it, he would regret it the rest of his life. Never knowing if it - by chance - had worked out after all. Never really getting over it, never really being free for someone else.
And it seemed to be the only way to shut the door to this chapter of his life for once and all. He had realized it long ago and still it took him what seemed to be an eternety to actually DO something. An eternity, waiting for the perfect opportunity, that would never come, until he had craved all his courage to write everything down in a letter. He would shove it into Ryo's hands and run far away right after this.
He heaved a huge sigh, standing at the door to the changing room where NEWS was supposed to get ready for their next performance, waiting for Ryo to arrive.
He greeted the other members when they arrived one after the other and chatted a bit with them. He was slightly embarrassed when he didn't quite know how to answer, when they asked him, why exactly he was standing outside the changing room instead of waiting for that someone inside. Finally everyone was there - everyone except for Ryo.
Ueda squeaked, when he felt a cold touch in his neck. He turned around and saw Koyama standing in the door frame, holding a can of coke.
“Are you still waiting?” He gave him the can. “Here. For you.”
“Softdrinks are not healthy.”
Koyama grinned. “I know, Shige just told me and scolded me for buying it. But throwing it away would be a waste, so I thought I could give it to you instead.”
“How considerate. Nya, once in a while won't hurt.” He opened it and took a sip.
“Ueda-kun.” Koyama said. “Ryo will be a bit late.”
He coughed on his drink and stared horrified at Koyama.
“The Shinkansen has a delay because of some... what did he say again? retarded, suicidal brats that are playing on the rails.”
“Who says, I'm...”
“You're a bit too obvious.” Koyama patted him on the shoulder. “Good Luck.” He pointed down at the letter he was holding, that had written To Nishikido Ryo on it in bold letters.
Ueda blushed a deep shade of red. “It is not what it is looking like,” he stuttered.
“Don't worry. We are all cheering you on. And in case I have Nakamaru's phone number...”
“I think I won't need him, but thanks anyways. I'm actually...”
“Oh, what a picture! Ugly and uglier!” Ueda looked around to see Nishikido standing in the hallway, looking at him with a broad grin.
“I'll be going.” Koyama said and left the two alone.
“How does it come, that you honour us with your presence, Uebo-hime?”
“Here.” Ueda said firmly and handed the letter over. “I wanted to give this to you.”
Nishikido looked at it and furrowed a brow. “What's that?”
“It's a letter.” Ueda stated the obvious and blushing slightly. “Just read it, okay?”
“Mhh, okay. But what would you think of reading it aloud in front of everyone?” Nishikido smirked. “I could make copies and spread it throughout the juniors, too...”
For a moment all color vanished from Ueda's face and then he shoke his head. “That is so typical of you...” He heaved a sigh. “Give it back! I'd rather have you not read it that way... it was useless after all...”
“Oh, but you went through all this trouble to give it to me. That wouldn't be fair!”
Ueda wanted to take it from him, but just that moment Ryo opened the door and stepped into the room - with Ueda stumbling into it as well.
- - -
“Good morning, my dear fellows,” Ryo greeted the others cheerfully, “Uebo-hime decided to amuse us this morning.”
“Give it back.” Ueda whined and reached out for the letter. He had red speckles on his cheeks.
Ryo just grinned and turned around, while he took the letter out of the envelope and unfolded it. “Uebo-hime wrote a letter to me.” He cleared his throat and started reading. “Dear Ryo. I realized that there are still things untold between us. Things that I have to tell you, before I can move on“ Ryo snickered. “What is that? A confession, right? Cheesy! It is hard to write this down, but it is the only way for me.“ He went on. “Thinking of seeing your face, when I tell you this, the smug grin on your lips, imaging, how you would laugh at me, how you would drag me to the others, just to humiliate me in front of them. All that hurts too much. With a letter, I can hand it to you and run far away, before you can even open it (at least that is my plan). I don't want to see the disgust on your face when you read this.“ With every word his voice had become quieter and the grin fell from his face, still he didn't stop reading it aloud. “I love you. Always did. No matter how much you hurt me. It seems kind of useless to tell you, but I can't give up completely unless I can say, that I tried at least. I know you will turn me down, most likely tease me about it until you find something more amusing - and I don't even know if I would want to be with you at all, after the things that happened. The only thing I really want is, that you give my heart back to me, before you shatter it completely. You don't need my love. And you don't want it anyways.“ When he looked up he saw Ueda standing there, staring down at his feet. His whole body was shaking. “Ueda, I...” he started, but the next moment Ueda bursted into laughter.
“It's ok. Are you satisfied now?” His voice was so shaky, Ryo couldn't tell, whether he was laughing or crying. “Guess so...” He turned around and stepped out in the hallway. Without any further word he shut the door behind him. Ryo could hear the sounds of his footsteps.
- - -
The NEWS members, minus Ryo, sighed.
“I'm gonna call Nakamaru,” Koyama said, snapping his mobile open.
“Good. I will look after Ueda.” Yamapi grabbed his bag. “It's my job as a leader to clean up the mess you leave behind, when you think to play the uber-cool sexy Osaka Man again.” He looked at Ryo and rolled his eyes. “And you will think about, what you did. The others will surely help you with this. Ne?”
Tegoshi, Massu and Shige nodded. “Leave him to us,” Tegoshi said with a chirping voice.
Ryo didn't quite know, whether he should feel at rest or rather search for a way to get away fast.
“So,” Massu said, grabbed Ryo's shoulder and made him sit down on, “Let's explain to you, how to convey your feelings properly to another person. Seeing, that you failed the past...” He furrowed his brow and started to count his fingers.
“Must be four years... Or five already?” Shige mused, and Tegoshi nodded approvingly.
“What... what are you all talking about.” Ryo barked and folded his arms.
“We are talking about you being in L-O-V-E with Ueda-kun.” Tegoshi said sweetly and leaned closer to him. A grin on his cute lips. “You know, we thought it was better not to interfere, but... there comes a time...” He whispere sweetly and layed his hands on Ryo's shoulders. „that we can't stand it anymore,” He digged his fingernails through the fabric of Ryo's shirt into his flesh, making the latter whince. “that you are acting like a complete asshole towards the person you should be making sweet, sweet love to. There is a limit to how much we can take of your ignorance that is even bigger than your blown-up ego, Mr. Sexy-Osaka-Man, and your unrivaled dumbness, that make Akanishi-kun and Aiba-sempai look like geniuses beside you. You should finally learn your lesson, too. And we will teach you. Understood?”
Ryo gulped and nodded, still in a state of shock from Tegoshi's sudden behaviour.
“Fine.” Tegoshi said cheerfully, an innocent smile back on his lips. “Then look and listen closely while Massu-kun and I demonstrate you, how you should act around someone you love.”
- - -
“Ueda, wait!” Yamapi called and grabbed his arm, but Ueda just pushed him off.
“Leave me alone...”
“Ueda, please. Calm yourself down and listen to me. The situation is not as bad, as it seems.”
“Bad? It's not bad at all. I knew this would happen. There was no chance that he would react in any other way... I knew he would make a fool out of me in front of everyone - though I hoped I wouldn't have to listen. But... I was perfectly prepared of him to... scattered my heart into pieces... It's no big deal...” Ueda said and tried to force a smile on his lips.
“Ueda...” Yamapi pulled the older man into a short hug, patting his hair.
They sat down together, leaning against the wall. Yamapi wrapped one arm around Ueda's shoulders and the latter snuggled against his chest.
“You know, back then, when we asked all the juniors, what the most special thing about Ryo is, you were the only one who said, that he is the most caring person in the world. The friendliest guy you knew.”
“I was stupid, huh?”
“No, just the only one to notice. When he started to tease you, I always thought of telling him, but in the end I was to reluctant to actually do so...”
“But it's ok now. At that time I thought I could be the happiest person, just standing behind him. Just supporting him, nothing else. But a lot of things happened in the past six years. A lot of painful things. Of course, there were also happy things, but in the end... it was the painful things that changed us. We couldn't stay that innocent as we were back then for the rest of our lives... And after all I barely see the boy that I fell in love with, anymore when I look at him. I can't trust him anymore. I think it was time for me to give up. And I knew, he'd turn me down anyways. That is the Ryo he is now. I always expected it too come that way and my usual self would have avoided it by any means. It is just... I'm tired of being alone, I want to be loved by someone, I want to love someone. But as long as there was still this unsolved problem deep down in my heart, which I still had to find an answer for, I couldn't really think of moving on. Of letting anyone replace Ryo. But in the end, I have to give up. In order to become happy again, ne?”
- - -
“So...”, Ryo started after he had seen Tegoshi and Massu perform Kiss ~Kaerimichi no Lovesong~ about threehundred times. “I have a grasp now of how to confess to him, but... I... don't like him.”
Everyone heaved a huge sigh. “Don't lie to yourself,” they almost said in chorus, annoyance clear in their voices.
“But... Sure, there is something that I feel for him. But it is different to what I consider as liking someone. Way different. It is not, that I'm thinking that much about him, just... when I wake up and know I will see him on that day... or in that week... or month, I start to imagine things I could tell to him. Because when I see him, I want to go over and tease him. I'm almost looking forward to his pissed face. He lookes so funny when he is offended. Or when he feels embarassed. The shade of pink on his cheeks. I can't get enough of this. It is not that I want to hurt him, just... usually he seems to have about two facial expressions, the 'overly hyper happy smile' and more often the insecure I-don't-want-to-be-here face - though the latter one has some variations. But seeing that I can worm so many different faces out of him, that he shows no one else, makes me somehow happy. Though I really would like to raise a smile on his lips one day - not one of those he does for the camera. A real one, that is especially reserved for me. It hurts sometimes to think, that I'm not able to do this. That I rather make him cry. But... That doesn't mean that I like him, right?”
“Good to hear,” he heared a familiar voice saying.
Ryo looked up and saw Taguchi standing in the door together with Nakamaru.
“I thought to come along, when I heard that Koyama called,” Taguchi said, the usual bright smile on his lips that no one knew whether it was fake or real, “I was hoping for this situation, honestly. I wanted to confess to Uepii for a long time, but I refrained from it till now, because I knew that he loves you and... I'd never have a chance if I would have to fight against you for his love. But if you don't want him anyways... I just could use the chance you offer me.”
“Don't you dare...” Ryo had snapped before he had realized it. “I mean...”
“You don't like him. You just said it, right?”
“No... but... what do you want with someone like him? He is awfully untalented, though I have to admit, I kinda like him singing this weird songs he writes - suits him better than making a fool out of himself, messing up every choreography. He always gets sulky and overreacts, when you pick on him and still he sucks at retaliation, no matter how hard he tries. Starting to stutter in this cute way. And then turning around, pouting. Trying to hide the angry tears in his eyes. He always acts like a pampered child, though he is older than me. And then his weird mood swings. One day he is all hyper and happy and smiley and then the other day he looks like he will start to cry every moment... So fragile and vulnerable, that you have to protect him, no matter how often he says, that he is a strong boxer now, that can take care for himself... Wouldn't it be a bother, to have him around all the time? Having to hug him, when he looks at you with teary eyes, hoping, that it will cheer him up. Or having to tell him over and over again, that he is not ugly, but the most beautiful being you have every seen. All this to make him understand, that you...” Ryo hesitated a moment. “love him...?” Ryo looked through the room, at all the faces that were fixated on him, and than he nodded slowly. “I feel stupid...”
“No.” Tegoshi corrected him smiling. “You are stupid. And now get it going and catch him, as long as you can.”
- - -
Ryo found Ueda sitting at the floor next to Yamapi, who was patting his head. Ueda's eyes were puffy and there traces from tears on his cheeks.
The moment Yamapi saw him, he got up - making Ueda look up in confusion. „I'm gonna leave you to alone now.”
When he passed Ryo by, he put his hand on the latter's shoulder, gripping it firmly for a moment. “Don't mess it up now, okay? That is your last and only chance.”
Ryo nodded, before he sat down on the other side of the hallway, facing Ueda, who was looking at him full of mistrust.
“Ueda, I'm sorry,” he started, when Yamapi was out of earshot.
“So?” Ueda looked down at the floor, now a blank expression on his face.
“I was stupid.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, Tegoshi and the others confirmed to me.” He bit his lower lip. “I didn't mean to hurt you.”
Ueda just snorted, turning his head, so that his long bangs fell into his face.
“I didn't think before acting. I'm sorry, that I hurt you, but... actually...” Ryo was searching for the perfect words, though he knew he only needed to say those three, that were the most difficult.
“Don't worry.” Ueda stood up and turned away from him. “I'll get over it. That was the whole purpose of this after all. I'll find someone else. Don't feel guilty for breaking my heart. You never worried about hurting me before.” He looked back over his shoulder.
Ryo was unable to say something, could only stare at him. Stare at the tears, that were running down his cheeks. At the lips, that were shaking.
„It doesn't matter anymore. It is over.”
Ryo opened his mouth and closed it again. Why was it so difficult to say those three words and bring a smile his lips?
Ueda was slowly walking away from him.
Why wasn't he able to say something, when his last chance was passing away. He was no coward - he was not Pi, or Jin, or Kame for that matter.
“I... I love you!” he whispered and looked at the older man, who had frozen in movement.
“Don't... toy with me. Don't tell me anymore lies to hurt me...”
“I'm not lying!”
“How am I supposed to trust your words?”
“But I...”
“There is nothing you could say...”
“Nothing I could say...”, he spoke to him. But there had to be something he could do to. Something he could do.
Before he thought about it, he jumped to his feet, made a few steps forward and wrapped his arms around the other man's shoulders.
He felt Ueda gasp more than he heared him.
“I love you, really do...”, he whispered barely audible and breathed into his neck, feeled the body tense under his touch. Slowly he turned the other man around, bend foreward and kissed him. Hoping that his actions would speak more than his words.