room for one more

[jewelp]

My husband and i are thinking about adopting again. There are moments, sometimes in melancholy, sometimes out of the blue, where i am overwhelmed with guilt for choosing to leave my son and only child. i have tried not to shy away from the feelings and explore them and come to terms with them

Comments

[crystal_lilly]

At least you understand that this is a big deal for you. It is one of the hardest things to do: honestly exploring your own feelings and trying to understand them.

I'm not a parent, but my sister has two children. And even just from being "Aunt Lilly" I've learned so much about kids and know to expect the unexpected. It's hard for my sister to put aside her own wants and desires (even basic things like sleep!) to take care of her kids. I honestly don't know if I could do it until I was in the situation. Since it's such a big choice, it's okay to take the time to really research and understand what you want.

Whatever course you choose, I'm still here for you. *hug*

[cranberriez]

I know your family has plenty to offer any child. But it is a big decision. Having a child via pregnancy for you just happened. I know you planned him but it was hey let's try, gee I am pregnant, oh we have a baby but with adoption it is so much more thought out. When you are pregnant and worried about money or will my child be a good person or will I be a good parent for my child, those doubts happen too late. You will be having the child regardless but all along the adoption process those insecurities can be addressed by changing your mind. I am not saying you should have another child or not. I think I am just saying I hear you. Not very helpful in making a decision but maybe you just need to know someone else understands. ?

[tzenh75]

I don't speak from any kind of personal experience with adoption, but to me it sounds like your reasons are good ones. You want to share the love and happiness you've had in your own life with someone else. That's an incredible act of love and generosity. And the risks, well yes there are risks, but many of them would still exist if the child were born into the family, too. Still, it is a big decision, but it sounds like this self reflection is a good start toward whatever next step you decide to take.

[jewelp]

thanks for your support.

you're right about the risks thing - even a child i had by birth has a risk of disability or growing up to be a maniac. of course, the anxiousness now comes from knowing that the one kid i have is good - both physically and behaviorally. do i really want to risk bringing in someone who might not be? i try not to think that way much. i have to hope for the best.

we've actually been very slow in getting this process moving. we've had our application for a month and just sent it in yesterday. this could be a subconscious manifestation of my doubts. or that i kept forgetting as i am also dealing with my sister and her messy divorce. but it's done now (the app not her divorce. that'll be another 6 months.)