[shige/pi] the beginnings of a gas station romance and more 1/2
title : the beginning of a gas station romance and more 1/2
pairing : shige/pi (with a healthy dose of gen-NEWS)
author : binmusic
rating : NC-17
words : a whopping 12,468
summary : Pi finds himself stranded in a gas station with a group of strange men.
warning : this is an au fic and also contains a bit of ooc, or a good bit of it lol
a/n : Originally started as a prompt from misticloud for petrol!NEWS and turned into a mess of words totaling more than 10k. This is not my fic for the newsbigbang fic challenge. It's just a cheer up fic for my boo because I love her so. And for those who don't think I write much happy fics, this one is fairly light-hearted and mostly crack. So don't take it too seriously please? Also apologies for not having nearly enough of Koyama or Tegoshi in this D: Can't help my bias.
Pi wakes up mostly naked and about seventy percent drunk. He barely moves and instantly regrets it, already hung over, his brain is pounding and he groans loudly before scanning in what is probably slow motion, around the apartment he's currently in. He notes that it's painted a rather bright (and ugly, he thinks quietly to himself with a frown) shade of yellow that's a cross between either puke or pee, he can't decide.
He's sitting mostly upright on an old couch that's clearly showing signs of use and he swears that there's a loose spring somewhere because there's a crick in his back that certainly wasn't there last night. Come to think of it though, Pi can't really remember last night. In fact, the closest he can come to it is lunch with his girlfriend at around three and belatedly he remembers that it's actually ex-girlfriend now.
He's pretty sure that a glass of water to his face as a response to, "Sorry, I'm not really looking for anything but a fuck-buddy," doesn't translate to "Yeah, awesome. My place or yours?" in any language, unless it's African or something, in which case he's not that sure anymore. He's also got a hunch that there's something else he should be remembering about last night and that once he does, the headache he currently has will be nothing compared to the one he'll get then.
He wonders briefly if he got lucky last night but as he takes a peek inside his boxers at the sad deflated state of his little Pi (or really not so little if you go by what the girls have said) it's obvious he didn't get lucky, just wasted.
Pi's pretty much content with heading back to sleeping because despite the fact that he's got no idea where he is and possibly kidnapped, the couch is still somewhat comfy and he's seriously drunk. He hears the loud clinking of what sounds like gears from somewhere outside and down below. Pi quickly calculates that the possibility of him having been kidnapped is now at an alarming rate of sixty percent and when he hears a group of men conversing (with one being especially gruff and definitely greasy), it shoots up to ninety and he's suddenly up and out of the apartment.
Pi's not a thinker and he's not the sharpest pencil in the box (or is it crayons? That always confuses him) and so he just decides to make a run for it. For someone who isn't too smart, he's still manages to make a pro-con list as he runs, barefoot he suddenly realizes as his toe comes in contact with the edge of a step, down the stairs.
Pro is that he's Yamashita Tomohisa and mother didn't raise no fool, he's been taking self defense classes for the past two years (technically it should be three but $250 paid for a grand night of debauchery along with beer, and what his mother doesn't know won't hurt her). He's big in the muscular sense and he's sure he can take on a least a few of them (especially the one that sounded kind of weak and to be honest, really feminine to the point he's not even sure it was a guy).
Con being that he's Yamashita Tomohisa, a twenty-two year old underwear model that appears in at least three posters on any street of Harajuku alone and models don't exactly have a reputation for being anything but stoners and good in bed. And he swore he heard at least four or five voices downstairs and he's positive the greasy sounding man is going to be trouble.
He makes it down what seems to be at least eight flights of stairs and yanks open the door with a loud yell. "Hiyaaaah! Don't mess with this shit, I'm lethal like Bruce and Jackie combined!"
Pi finds five pairs of unblinking eyes staring back at him before a mixture of laughter and chortling fills the air.
"What the fuck, did he just say Bruce and Jackie?!"
Pi turns and locates the face belonging to the greasy voiced man and finds it just as funny that he's small. Really small. And he doesn't mean height-wise (because in that case, the dude's halfway between dwarf and midget) but he's just puny and definitely non-threatening.
"I think he meant Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan."
An even smaller framed boy greets him this time, except he's sure the reason for the petiteness is because he's still a boy and possibly growing. He has on a pair of black-framed glasses and looks kind of scholarly. Either that or he's just an incredible know-it-all, maybe both.
"Why's he naked?"
Pi looks down and inwardly face-palms himself for the fashion faux-paus. He's can't help it if he's comfortable in his own skin and besides he's a freaking underwear model, he's undressed most of the time at work and undressed even more than that outside of work. He suddenly realizes that he doesn't do much besides either modeling in underwear or taking it off.
"Oh, I figured since he threw up in his clothes last night, I'd take them off for him. Not exactly comfortable sleeping in vomit-caked clothing."
An overly eager and enthusiastic voice answers and Pi turns to see the man he thought might've been a woman staring back at him. Unfortunately, Pi realizes, it's definitely a male that smiles at him, a male with the same reproductive organs at him (most likely not packing as much, if the jeans he's wearing are any indication).
"Kei, try not to sound that excited why don't you?"
"Too late, he's practically popping a boner."
"Ryo, for the tenth time today, these are skinny jeans and designed to be this tight!"
"Hey Kei, whatever floats your boat man."
Pi closes his eyes and whispers to himself that this is really all a dream, or an extremely weird hallucination he's having as a side effect of smoking coke or inhaling mushrooms. He cracks open an eye to find them all still squabbling and groans. What the hell, he thinks as he clasps his hands together and prays to every God he knows of, and ones that probably don't exist yet. And when that doesn't work, he even knocks the soles of his feet together and rather desperately repeats, "There's no place like home," like a mantra.
"Uh guys, I think we're freaking him out. He's starting to quote that movie with the flying monkeys and tiny men."
"Masuda, it's not 'the movie with flying monkeys', it's a 1939 American musical-fantasy film called Wizard of Oz and directed by Victor Fleming. And those 'tiny men' you're referring to are munchkins.
"Tegoshi, spare us the entire history."
Amidst all the talk, a young man walks towards him with a tentative smile and outstretched hand. "I'm Kato Shigeaki and these guys are my friends, unfortunately. They're really not as crazy as they seem but the idiocy cant be helped."
Pi nods slowly, hand tightly gripping onto this tall person's and he's dimly aware that he should let go now, proper etiquette requires him to do so but the hand is so warm and he smells good, kind of like bacon and eggs. And Pi's really hungry for bacon and eggs, or maybe ramen.
"Hey naked dude, quit clinging. He's taken."
Pi drops the stranger's hand and clutches at the edge of his boxers before realizing it makes him look nervous and like a child. "I demand that you take me to your leader!"
More loud snorting greets him in response. "Did you hit your head on something? This is a gas station dude, not a UFO and we're not aliens."
"Ryo."
The one word is spoken like a warning (the kind Pi gets when he's being too frisky in public) and he takes that to be the name of the greasy man, who admittedly is sporting some good looking hair. Now if he weren't so greasy or trying to shoot death rays at Pi with his eyes, he'd probably be kind of hot.
"Whatever, dude's clearly not fine in the head."
"There's nothing wrong with my head! And I will not stand here and let you kidnap me so take me to your leader and I'll discuss this with him."
The scholarly young man laughs at that and scoffs at him, "If we were kidnappers wouldn't you be bound and gagged? And like Ryo-chan said, this is a gas station, a working one by the way so it'd be nice if you put on some clothes. We've got customers here that unlike Kei-chan, won't appreciate the view of your...assets."
"Really fine looking assets."
"Like I was saying, I think your clothes are probably dry and upstairs so-"
"Really, I mean your abs are impeccable and so well defined and smooth as marble! Not that I touched them on purpose cos you see I-"
"Kei you're gushing."
"Shutting up now."
"What Tegoshi is trying to say is that you can go upstairs and change now if you'd be more comfortable with that."
Pi shrugs and scratches his hair, deciding that the kidnapping probability is down to thirty percent now. "I'm an underwear model so I kind of am comfortable."
Shige blinks at him, "Well then, I'd be more comfortable if you put something on."
"Underwear model, no wonder he's packing!"
Pi glances at the lanky thin man with the orange-yellow hair who's pretty much oogling at him now and he kindly points out to the man that he's been drooling for a while now.
Pi winds up being shown upstairs by Shige and is given some sweats and a t-shirt that are too loose are on him. His clothes aren't really dried yet and still smell a lot like what he had for lunch yesterday. Shige apologizes while tossing the clothes back into the washer and mutters complaints under his breath about Kei, cursing his inability to focus on anything but ass.
While upstairs he discovers that he hasn't been kidnapped or anything remotely similar. Shige tells him he had arrived in a white limo the night before, having been left behind either accidentally or purposely while Shige had ran the credit card for the gas. Oh, and incidentally, Pi had also been belting an old Southern All Stars song while dancing what suspiciously looked like a strip dance.
"You're not too bad of a singer," Shige tells him as he's changing in the bathroom, "At least you're better than Ryo and that's when he's sober and supposedly trying."
Pi pops his head out the bathroom and shuffles out, sweats a tad too long and t-shirt hanging loosely off his smaller frame.
"Sorry I don't have anything that'll fit you better," Shige apologizes, eyes roaming over the man's well defined body. He can't help but let an appreciative whistle fall from his lips.
Pi shrugs off Shige's oncoming apology, "Don't worry about it, I'm used to it. Besides your friend with the orange hair was more descriptive."
Shige stifles a laugh before deadpanning, "If by descriptive you mean horny, then I agree. And it's supposed to be blond actually."
"Oh. In that case I think he should ask for a refund."
Pi spends that day perched on a stool near the entrance of the garage. He picks up bits and pieces of theirs conversations and learns a couple of things about the men he had thought were criminals.
For example, Pi discovers that the gas station is Shige's, inherited at eighteen when his grandfather had passed away from a heart attack. It's also for his grandfather that Shige attends night classes, working hard towards a degree in literary arts. Pi notices early on that Shige's the sane one of the bunch (and also the only one with some semblance of ass). Pi finds that Shige's an expert at what he does, working the pumps and customers with easy smiles and a bright demeanor. Shige's serious about his work and even though the man is younger than him in terms of age, Pi can tell that Shige's much wiser and mature than he'd ever be.
The man with orange hair that should be blond is Kei, also known as Shige's best friend. Pi can tell that Kei is friendly and just a bit motherly, the type of guy that would find little wrong with bringing home strange men for dinner just because "they looked like they needed to be fed." Pi also notes that Kei is interested in men and to be more specific, is more than a little interested in him. Not that he minds but Pi's already been asked out to lunch, dinner and coffee, at a place he's pretty sure is Kei's apartment. In which case coffee is possibly code for, "Let's get it on like rabid rabbits." And to be honest, if Pi was going to be getting it on with anybody at all, it'd be with Shige or if he was drunk enough, maybe Ryo.
Ryo runs the convenience store that's attached to the gas station. He's also the second oldest after Kei but you wouldn't be able to tell since it's not like the man actually acts his age. Pi's caught him stealing out of Massu's bento twice already and he's almost sure it was Ryo who "accidentally misplaced" Tegoshi's textbooks inside the hood of a car. Ryo's also a territorial bastard (on top of being insanely greasy if those eyes he's been making at Shige are any indication) and has some sort of Shige sense that enables him to know when Pi is thinking about the other man.
Masuda the mechanic, or Massu as everyone besides Tegoshi calls him, is fast becoming Pi's favorite guy. Pi's only spoken twice to Massu, once to ask where the bathroom was and then again in reply to a question about whether he wanted curry or miso for lunch. Pi had chosen miso because it has less calories and he's not allowed more than a thousand a day anyway. Somehow though, Massu gives him a bowl of instant curry ramen anyway and tells him "I had the last of the miso last night, sorry." Bless his soul, the boy even includes a plate of spicy homemade gyoza on the side. When a pot full of miso soup accompanies their dinner that night, Pi can't quite fight the smile at the sight of Massu's reddened face.
The youngest of them all is also the smartest, or so he claims. Tegoshi is Shige's younger cousin and as far as Pi can tell, the boy is like a walking dictionary (or in modern terms, he's a real life Wikipedia). He's heard of people described that way before but it's odd to actually come in contact with one himself. It's novel and tickles the funny bones he didn't realize existed in his body. Pi ends up asking the young boy questions just for the hell of it. "So what's a monkey wrench?" gets him a ten minute explanation which includes diagrams in the dirt and a timeline of its inventor.
Dinner that night and for the subsequent nights is held in Shige's apartment. He doesn't expect to stay long but when he's told by management to "Just lay low for a few days until the rumors with his ex-girlfriend die down," he's left with little choice but to stay in town with them.
It's then that Pi discovers the five of them actually live in the same building also owned by Shige. It's built of red brimstone and reminds Pi of the firehouses he's seen in magazines. It's tall and sturdy looking from the outside, and one would think it's just a typical building if they didn't know better. And Pi can't help feeling that even though this group of men are most likely the weirdest he'll ever meet, there is something irresistible about them collectively and Pi can't help but be drawn in.
The first floor belongs soley to Koyama, the only one of them willing to put up with the loud noises from the occupants above and litter from the annoying advertising salesman. Koyama's apartment is also the one that Pi ends up staying in during the two weeks he's there. Koyama's more than accommodating of him and allows Pi to watch drama re-runs late at night even though his room is situated right next to the living room and therefore any and all noise filters in easily.
Koyama's apartment is mostly neat and tidy, one that Pi could see his elderly Grandmother with Parkinson's living happily in. There's coasters under every glass and peach laced curtains that Pi later learns were a gift from Shige's mother. His bedroom though, is a mess of colors and filled with random pictures of the others. Each wall is painted differently, one's filled with images of food related objects and another is decorated with contrasting kanji characters. Koyama tells him later on that the sides of his room belong to different people, all of them his best friends and closest family.
The next floor is co-inhabited by Ryo and Massu, the former having drawn the short stick while the latter missed the meeting completely and was nominated by the others to room with the older man. Pi finds that the two get along fairly well, and he's sure that the insults Ryo throw at Massu are just in jest because he's just as quick to protect the younger man from attacks by the others. If Pi were only allowed a word to describe their apartment, it'd be manly. It strikes him as bachelor pad of sorts, the two not having much in terms of decorations besides a welcome mat and some childhood photos inside (Pi finds a particularly cute one of a baby Ryo and is almost tempted to take it with him when he leaves). The floor inside is carpeted in a light beige and he finds it's rather comfortable to sit on and even better to nap on.
But if anything, it's the well-stocked fridge in their apartment that attracts Pi. Massu's fridge, as it's widely acknowledged by the others, is a beauty. Six rows tall and almost eight cabinets high, it's got separate drawers for take-out and home-cooked food, not to mention the customary ones for vegetables and fruits. Pi comes to think of the fridge as a magical one, it's never empty of food and no matter the occasion or mood, there is something in it for everyone. Pi once opens it after a phone call home to his parents and finds a container of simple oden with plenty of cabbage, tofu, mushrooms and fish cakes just like his mother used to make.
The topmost floor is what Pi figures would be penthouse status if it were a high-rise building in Tokyo. It's spacious and with two extra windows is brighter than the other floors. It's also the only apartment in the building with a full sized tub in the bathroom, something which Pi discovers Massu regularly takes advantage of. The master bedroom surprisingly belongs to Tegoshi and his shoe collection. Besides being a walking encyclopedia, it seems the younger boy has a shoe fetish. Pi can count at least a dozen limited edition Nikes that even his friends would be jealous of, not to mention the Converses that line the floor.
Shige sleeps in the smaller room that's connected to the study, which does not belong to Tegoshi, the student, but to Shige, the self-proclaimed realist. It's lined with maps of the world and travel books, "1001 Places to See Before You Die" and "Backpacking around Europe" are titles that Pi finds on the shelves. There's two globes that sit in the room, a typical blue plasticky one with its own stand and a smaller, miniature glass one that Pi can immediately tell is the more treasured of the two. Pi finds one wall covered entirely with a map of the world and on it are tiny darts, each with a felted flag tip containing a number and a date on them. Shige's bedroom, on the other hand, is startlingly plain in comparison. It's simply stocked with a dresser and a steel framed bed. The sheets a light cottony blue and his pillows large and numerous.
Pi finds himself adjusting easier than he'd first thought. He's only a day in before they make use of his extra set of hands. He spends an hour with Ryo unloading the newly delivered shipment of goods and another two hours moving them into the storeroom. There isn't much talking between them and the silence is uncomfortable at first but one he gets used to. He trips a couple of times over unopened boxes and bags of food he could've sworn weren't there before but when all is said and done, Pi thinks he's done a pretty good job considering. Ryo doesn't say as much but seems to think the same, handing him a cold beer and a freshly made ham and swiss sandwich once they're finished.
Tegoshi uses him as a dummy audience for his mock trial competition the next day. Unused to public speaking, the normally refined boy starts stuttering, hands twitching and notecards wet with perspiration. Pi sympathizes and tries to help but it seems to make things worse as Tegoshi starts to swear and turn red at his further incompetence. When Massu pops in with the advice of, "I hear imagining them in their underwear helps," Pi automatically strips and sits mostly naked again for fifty minutes before Tegoshi finally nails his speech with a triumphant smirk.
He finally accepts Koyama's invitation for coffee and finds that when the older man says coffee, he means just that. Pi's treated to an afternoon of fresh-baked cookies and homemade cakes along with dark roast coffee served with just the right amount of sugar and milk. He also finds that Koyama's got the kindest soul of anyone he's ever met before, and that once you get past the colorful skinnies and questionable hair, he's actually someone that Pi could spend entire days with.
The two people Pi is of least help to are Shige and Massu. Pi's a high school graduate, wasn't exactly a bad student, just one that never applied himself properly, and he knows next to nothing about mechanics. Massu tells him it's not a problem and that he doesn't do much anyway, cars rarely come for servicing from a gas station mechanic but Pi quickly finds that Massu's more than a little humble. Not only is the next gas station more than five miles away, but Massu's also rumored as the best mechanic this side of Tokyo. It's been said that not only can he tell what's wrong by just listening to the sound of a running engine but that he's able to quick change the oil canister in under two minutes. Pi doesn't stick around much when Massu's actually working, instead he serves as a lunch buddy for the younger man. Massu reminds Pi of a friend from his childhood, warm and friendly, always there with a willing ear and ready smile.
It takes a while for Pi to get close to Shige, not due to any efforts of the greasy man but simply because Shige is a busy person. Running a gas station is nowhere as easy as Pi had first thought, going beyond just filling up gas and wiping the customers' windshields. Every night Shige closes up shop, checking on the oil quality of each individual tank and refilling when necessary. He sweeps around the area, disposing of cigarette butts and littered trash flung through car windows. Pi offers to help with the more menial jobs and though it takes some coaxing, Shige allows him to help change the washer fluids. It's the other side of being an owner that Pi can't help Shige with. There seems to be a new station in the works a few miles off, a brand-name one with all the latest technology and lowest prices to be found. It's a classic case of the big bad wolf versus the tiny lone sheep.
Pi finds Shige one night, late after everyone's gone to bed and he's stayed up fighting the bad guys on Massu's borrowed Wii that really belongs to Ryo. Pi hears the squeaking of the gate below and peers out the window, long past thinking of robbers and kidnappers. He can't tell who it is at first but deducts from the rather tall and lean shadow that it's probably Shige.
Admittedly, Pi isn't a man of big words and he's not good at the comforting stuff, he finds that lending a shoulder out only works for weeping girls and Shige is neither crying nor female. So when he finds a silent and solemn Shige, all he thinks of doing is patting Shige's back a few times. It develops into a slower and smoother rubbing of Shige's tense neck. Pi can feel the tight knots under his hands and applies enough pressure with his thumb and index, gently coaxing and massaging.
"Wow, you've got magical fingers or something. Damn, marry me." Shige finally says, breaking the silence with a soft moan.
Pi grins much like a cheshire cat, "I have a friend who's awesome at giving massages so I've picked up a few tricks of my own."
Shige cracks his neck and sighs in appreciation, "Better than you? Do me a favor and tell this friend she's welcome here anytime. I'll have Ryo cook her the best supper she's ever had and Kei to bake apple pie."
"That might be difficult considering she's a he."
Shige chokes then, on his own spit or maybe even on air. It forces Pi to stop his administrations and he waits until Shige catches his breath again, face bright from the mistake and Pi thinks that it really is possible for someone to die of embarrassment. He smiles at the adorable and rather flaily reaction of the younger man.
"I'll tell him to come with me next time I visit," Pi promises with a laugh.
"I'll try not to call him a her," Shige counters with a smile of his own, one that Pi faintly thinks he wouldn't mind seeing more of.
"You don't smile a lot," Pi hears himself saying and when he realizes it's been said out loud, he's covering his mouth with a hand and wishing for a hole big enough to swallow him up whole.
"Not much to smile about I guess. Not sure if you've noticed but my business is going to hell so it's not like I have much in terms of a career. I live in a three-story apartment building with four other men, none of whom I'm dating or getting any from so my love life is non-existent too. If I were a normal human, I'd already have slit my wrists or jumped off the roof."
There's barely a pause before Pi replies, "Lucky you're not a normal human then huh? And besides you're not missing out on much. Both of those options would hurt like a bitch. And Tegoshi tells me that unless you nick a major vein or artery, you're basically going to just bleed painfully for a while. Jumping, I'd think, is even worse. Think of how messed up your face would look. And I've always wondered if you jump feet first, would your balls feel the impact first? Cos that'll hurt like a mother."
Shige blinks owlishly at him and breathes out before lifting his lips into a smile, "So how would you go about it then?"
"Cyanide or you know, I'd be happy with just booze and some ecstasy. Vodka and dope is the way to go. Though there's really nothing wrong with dying of old age either."
Shige smiles wryly at his comments and for a brief second Pi is wondering if his jokes came across the right way. His worry doesn't last as he's greeted with Shige's rather loud laugh, "Thanks for the tips," he manages to say through his guffaws, "By the way, why exactly were you discussing suicide options with my eighteen year old cousin?"
“For the same reason we are? The kid acts like a smartass but he's more receptive than you give him credit for. He asked me if I thought you'd try to hang yourself while we're all sleeping."
"And what did you tell him?"
"That hanging is so nineteenth century. No, I told him that you're more than sensible enough to not commit suicide. That's only something stupid fools do."
Shige hears the careful edge in Pi's voice and lifts his head to meet the other's eyes. He sees a mix of concern and consternation that has him smiling. "And I'm not a stupid fool."
"No, didn't think you were."
"Thanks. Thanks for telling him that."
"Why thank me? It's not I lied or anything. Unless you think I did."
"No, I just, things have been difficult lately."
Pi leans closer to Shige and punches him lightly on the shoulder, "I've always seen guys doing that in movies and wondered if that actually makes anyone feel better."
Shige grins, "You forgot to tell me to 'cheer up bro'. At least do it right."
Pi punches him again, this time harder, almost knocking Shige off his seat on steps.
"Ow."
"Just knocking some sense into you. Don't tell Nishikido-kun though, I have a feeling he'd hunt my ass down for that and I kind of like my ass."
"Ryo? He's a big softie and he's sort of like the big brother I never had and probably don't want. And I kind of like your ass too," Shige jokes, a brighter and truer smile now adorned on his face.
"He's very...protective of you."
There's a loud snort followed but a quieter chuckle, "No need to be politically correct. Ryo doesn't have the hots for me, he just likes to pretend he does. People like Ryo, they need a role to assume and an act to play out. He doesn't mean anything by it."
Pi nods and takes a look around the gas station, "It's a great place you've got here."
"It really is. I wish that were enough."
Pi detects the slightest hint of bitterness in Shige's voice but sees none of it in his eyes. It's with fondness and what seems to be a bit of regret that Shige scans through his property. "Have you decided what you'll do?"
Shige's silent, taking his time before answering, "Selling, I've got a buyer who's interested in the land."
Pi doesn't respond directly and changes the subject, he's sure that Shige's thought the decision through and it's definitely not his place to be questioning it. They wind up chatting about useless things, the last movie they saw in the theaters, Pi's upcoming underwear modeling gigs and even about the different types of rocks lying nearby. Pi mentions granite being the sparkly kind and Shige counters that with obsidian, a usually flat and glossy black rock. They find themselves arguing about whether jade or diamond make a prettier engagement ring.
It isn't until daylight that Pi realizes they've just spent the entire night discussing trivial matters. He's pretty sure they even debated whether durians should be allowed onto public transportation in other Asian countries and he hasn't even eaten the fruit before.
"Probably should head back up now. The others are going to be expecting food of some kind," Shige says with a yawn as he gets up and stretches.
The movement allows Pi a flash of the pale expanse of skin hiding underneath the worn t-shirt and he murmurs his appreciation.
"Coming?" Shige asks, hand outstretched to pull Pi up.
Pi pushes himself up with a toothy grin and motions for Shige to go first, "We've established my ass is well liked, I think it's only fair I get to evaluate yours too."
To his credit, Shige only blushes faintly and even walks up the stairs with extra gusto, making sure to jut his hip out more and gives Pi quite a show, wiggling his ass left to right before entering the apartment. Pi grins and whistles appropriately, but thinks that he's get far more excited than he should be as he feels himself hardening with every step.
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Pi finds that Shige isn't too good of a cook. His sunny-side eggs are always more runny than he thinks is safe to ingest and the bacon are more like hardened crisps of cardboard than strips of mouth watering pig fat (though when Pi thinks of it that way, he's not too inclined to eat it anymore). He doesn't complain, only watches as the others rib Shige enough for him to smack at them with a still hot spatula, spurring them into a full-out food fight.
There's flying toast and buttered pancakes, even Tegoshi's blueberry parfait and Koyama's waffles aren't exempt from the battle. Pi's hit square in the face with a rather floppy piece of pancake and he picks at it, dunking it into syrup before taking a few steps back out of the war zone.
He finds Massu on the couch with a plate of scrambled eggs and an extra fork. "Want some?" He asks between large bites.
Pi shrugs, he's really just hungry and anything Massu eats is bound to be good. "Where'd you get that?"
Massu points his utensil in a general direction where Pi can spot Koyama being held in a head-lock by a victorious Ryo, drenched in what probably used to be drinkable coffee. Massu swallows, "Ryo-kun makes me breakfast before we come down here. He says that Kato-kun's 'crap is inedible' and wouldn't 'wish it on his worst enemy.'"
From the kitchen floor, Shige kicks at Ryo, sending him flopping down next to him, "You are so whipped," he laughs.
The fight is short lived and ends soon after that. Shige's left to clean the mess because, "It's your kitchen, why should I clean it?" as Ryo explains before leading the others out of the apartment. Massu tosses Shige an apologetic smile, "I've got a Lexus coming in for service soon, sorry I can't help out Kato-kun." Koyama twitters out, folding his unused but nonetheless dirty apron on the stool, "Someone's got to open up shop." Tegoshi grabs his backpack and pats Shige on the back, "My education is more important."
Pi grabs the neatly folded apron and drapes it over his neck, "Lucky for you I'm currently unemployed. Although I think my manager would grow a cyst if he saw me now," he says as he dumps scraps of food into the trash.
Shige reaches for the plate in Pi's hand and gives him a lopsided grin that has Pi suddenly thinking it's a little too hot for them to be wearing so many layers. "Don't know why, you're totally rocking the apron."
Pi glances down and does a double take, an actual honest-to-god double take seen only in movies and comedic ones at that. "I didn't realize it was so frilly."
"It's Koyama's, he likes to stitch and make stuff. No one ever uses it but you're welcome to it if you like. "
Pi frowns, "I have an image to uphold you know."
Shige guffaws and drops a mug back into the sink full of water in reaction, "I've seen your photos and your image is pretty much clad in Calvin Kleins all day. How hard is that to maintain?"
Pi grins, wiggling his eyebrow in what he hopes to be an attractive fashion, "So, you've seen my stuff huh? What'd you think?"
Shige blanches and turns pink before coughing into his hand, "Well um, it's uh, it's interesting from an artistic standpoint."
"My underwear or my package?" Pi asks with a somewhat straight face that mostly just fails.
Shige stutters and turns around to throw a sponge at Pi, "Stop being such a pervert. If I didn't know better I'd say you were hitting on me."
Pi's silent for a minute, "Then pretend you don't know better," he says quietly to Shige's back.
Shige tenses, unsure of the implications in Pi's statement. The older man's been a good guest, and they get along well, teasing one another with light jokes but Pi's straight. He's never been anything but straight. In the end Shige doesn't answer, ignoring Pi's reply in favor of finishing the dishes.
Late that night, Pi finds a glossy photo of himself, nude save for a pair of tight black Calvin Klein boxer-briefs and some gray socks. There's a red circle around his crotch along with two large exclamation marks. And on the back, written in fairly neat handwriting are the words, "Underwear 0, Pi's Package 1."
Click for more crack.
pairing : shige/pi (with a healthy dose of gen-NEWS)
author : binmusic
rating : NC-17
words : a whopping 12,468
summary : Pi finds himself stranded in a gas station with a group of strange men.
warning : this is an au fic and also contains a bit of ooc, or a good bit of it lol
a/n : Originally started as a prompt from misticloud for petrol!NEWS and turned into a mess of words totaling more than 10k. This is not my fic for the newsbigbang fic challenge. It's just a cheer up fic for my boo because I love her so. And for those who don't think I write much happy fics, this one is fairly light-hearted and mostly crack. So don't take it too seriously please? Also apologies for not having nearly enough of Koyama or Tegoshi in this D: Can't help my bias.
Pi wakes up mostly naked and about seventy percent drunk. He barely moves and instantly regrets it, already hung over, his brain is pounding and he groans loudly before scanning in what is probably slow motion, around the apartment he's currently in. He notes that it's painted a rather bright (and ugly, he thinks quietly to himself with a frown) shade of yellow that's a cross between either puke or pee, he can't decide.
He's sitting mostly upright on an old couch that's clearly showing signs of use and he swears that there's a loose spring somewhere because there's a crick in his back that certainly wasn't there last night. Come to think of it though, Pi can't really remember last night. In fact, the closest he can come to it is lunch with his girlfriend at around three and belatedly he remembers that it's actually ex-girlfriend now.
He's pretty sure that a glass of water to his face as a response to, "Sorry, I'm not really looking for anything but a fuck-buddy," doesn't translate to "Yeah, awesome. My place or yours?" in any language, unless it's African or something, in which case he's not that sure anymore. He's also got a hunch that there's something else he should be remembering about last night and that once he does, the headache he currently has will be nothing compared to the one he'll get then.
He wonders briefly if he got lucky last night but as he takes a peek inside his boxers at the sad deflated state of his little Pi (or really not so little if you go by what the girls have said) it's obvious he didn't get lucky, just wasted.
Pi's pretty much content with heading back to sleeping because despite the fact that he's got no idea where he is and possibly kidnapped, the couch is still somewhat comfy and he's seriously drunk. He hears the loud clinking of what sounds like gears from somewhere outside and down below. Pi quickly calculates that the possibility of him having been kidnapped is now at an alarming rate of sixty percent and when he hears a group of men conversing (with one being especially gruff and definitely greasy), it shoots up to ninety and he's suddenly up and out of the apartment.
Pi's not a thinker and he's not the sharpest pencil in the box (or is it crayons? That always confuses him) and so he just decides to make a run for it. For someone who isn't too smart, he's still manages to make a pro-con list as he runs, barefoot he suddenly realizes as his toe comes in contact with the edge of a step, down the stairs.
Pro is that he's Yamashita Tomohisa and mother didn't raise no fool, he's been taking self defense classes for the past two years (technically it should be three but $250 paid for a grand night of debauchery along with beer, and what his mother doesn't know won't hurt her). He's big in the muscular sense and he's sure he can take on a least a few of them (especially the one that sounded kind of weak and to be honest, really feminine to the point he's not even sure it was a guy).
Con being that he's Yamashita Tomohisa, a twenty-two year old underwear model that appears in at least three posters on any street of Harajuku alone and models don't exactly have a reputation for being anything but stoners and good in bed. And he swore he heard at least four or five voices downstairs and he's positive the greasy sounding man is going to be trouble.
He makes it down what seems to be at least eight flights of stairs and yanks open the door with a loud yell. "Hiyaaaah! Don't mess with this shit, I'm lethal like Bruce and Jackie combined!"
Pi finds five pairs of unblinking eyes staring back at him before a mixture of laughter and chortling fills the air.
"What the fuck, did he just say Bruce and Jackie?!"
Pi turns and locates the face belonging to the greasy voiced man and finds it just as funny that he's small. Really small. And he doesn't mean height-wise (because in that case, the dude's halfway between dwarf and midget) but he's just puny and definitely non-threatening.
"I think he meant Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan."
An even smaller framed boy greets him this time, except he's sure the reason for the petiteness is because he's still a boy and possibly growing. He has on a pair of black-framed glasses and looks kind of scholarly. Either that or he's just an incredible know-it-all, maybe both.
"Why's he naked?"
Pi looks down and inwardly face-palms himself for the fashion faux-paus. He's can't help it if he's comfortable in his own skin and besides he's a freaking underwear model, he's undressed most of the time at work and undressed even more than that outside of work. He suddenly realizes that he doesn't do much besides either modeling in underwear or taking it off.
"Oh, I figured since he threw up in his clothes last night, I'd take them off for him. Not exactly comfortable sleeping in vomit-caked clothing."
An overly eager and enthusiastic voice answers and Pi turns to see the man he thought might've been a woman staring back at him. Unfortunately, Pi realizes, it's definitely a male that smiles at him, a male with the same reproductive organs at him (most likely not packing as much, if the jeans he's wearing are any indication).
"Kei, try not to sound that excited why don't you?"
"Too late, he's practically popping a boner."
"Ryo, for the tenth time today, these are skinny jeans and designed to be this tight!"
"Hey Kei, whatever floats your boat man."
Pi closes his eyes and whispers to himself that this is really all a dream, or an extremely weird hallucination he's having as a side effect of smoking coke or inhaling mushrooms. He cracks open an eye to find them all still squabbling and groans. What the hell, he thinks as he clasps his hands together and prays to every God he knows of, and ones that probably don't exist yet. And when that doesn't work, he even knocks the soles of his feet together and rather desperately repeats, "There's no place like home," like a mantra.
"Uh guys, I think we're freaking him out. He's starting to quote that movie with the flying monkeys and tiny men."
"Masuda, it's not 'the movie with flying monkeys', it's a 1939 American musical-fantasy film called Wizard of Oz and directed by Victor Fleming. And those 'tiny men' you're referring to are munchkins.
"Tegoshi, spare us the entire history."
Amidst all the talk, a young man walks towards him with a tentative smile and outstretched hand. "I'm Kato Shigeaki and these guys are my friends, unfortunately. They're really not as crazy as they seem but the idiocy cant be helped."
Pi nods slowly, hand tightly gripping onto this tall person's and he's dimly aware that he should let go now, proper etiquette requires him to do so but the hand is so warm and he smells good, kind of like bacon and eggs. And Pi's really hungry for bacon and eggs, or maybe ramen.
"Hey naked dude, quit clinging. He's taken."
Pi drops the stranger's hand and clutches at the edge of his boxers before realizing it makes him look nervous and like a child. "I demand that you take me to your leader!"
More loud snorting greets him in response. "Did you hit your head on something? This is a gas station dude, not a UFO and we're not aliens."
"Ryo."
The one word is spoken like a warning (the kind Pi gets when he's being too frisky in public) and he takes that to be the name of the greasy man, who admittedly is sporting some good looking hair. Now if he weren't so greasy or trying to shoot death rays at Pi with his eyes, he'd probably be kind of hot.
"Whatever, dude's clearly not fine in the head."
"There's nothing wrong with my head! And I will not stand here and let you kidnap me so take me to your leader and I'll discuss this with him."
The scholarly young man laughs at that and scoffs at him, "If we were kidnappers wouldn't you be bound and gagged? And like Ryo-chan said, this is a gas station, a working one by the way so it'd be nice if you put on some clothes. We've got customers here that unlike Kei-chan, won't appreciate the view of your...assets."
"Really fine looking assets."
"Like I was saying, I think your clothes are probably dry and upstairs so-"
"Really, I mean your abs are impeccable and so well defined and smooth as marble! Not that I touched them on purpose cos you see I-"
"Kei you're gushing."
"Shutting up now."
"What Tegoshi is trying to say is that you can go upstairs and change now if you'd be more comfortable with that."
Pi shrugs and scratches his hair, deciding that the kidnapping probability is down to thirty percent now. "I'm an underwear model so I kind of am comfortable."
Shige blinks at him, "Well then, I'd be more comfortable if you put something on."
"Underwear model, no wonder he's packing!"
Pi glances at the lanky thin man with the orange-yellow hair who's pretty much oogling at him now and he kindly points out to the man that he's been drooling for a while now.
Pi winds up being shown upstairs by Shige and is given some sweats and a t-shirt that are too loose are on him. His clothes aren't really dried yet and still smell a lot like what he had for lunch yesterday. Shige apologizes while tossing the clothes back into the washer and mutters complaints under his breath about Kei, cursing his inability to focus on anything but ass.
While upstairs he discovers that he hasn't been kidnapped or anything remotely similar. Shige tells him he had arrived in a white limo the night before, having been left behind either accidentally or purposely while Shige had ran the credit card for the gas. Oh, and incidentally, Pi had also been belting an old Southern All Stars song while dancing what suspiciously looked like a strip dance.
"You're not too bad of a singer," Shige tells him as he's changing in the bathroom, "At least you're better than Ryo and that's when he's sober and supposedly trying."
Pi pops his head out the bathroom and shuffles out, sweats a tad too long and t-shirt hanging loosely off his smaller frame.
"Sorry I don't have anything that'll fit you better," Shige apologizes, eyes roaming over the man's well defined body. He can't help but let an appreciative whistle fall from his lips.
Pi shrugs off Shige's oncoming apology, "Don't worry about it, I'm used to it. Besides your friend with the orange hair was more descriptive."
Shige stifles a laugh before deadpanning, "If by descriptive you mean horny, then I agree. And it's supposed to be blond actually."
"Oh. In that case I think he should ask for a refund."
Pi spends that day perched on a stool near the entrance of the garage. He picks up bits and pieces of theirs conversations and learns a couple of things about the men he had thought were criminals.
For example, Pi discovers that the gas station is Shige's, inherited at eighteen when his grandfather had passed away from a heart attack. It's also for his grandfather that Shige attends night classes, working hard towards a degree in literary arts. Pi notices early on that Shige's the sane one of the bunch (and also the only one with some semblance of ass). Pi finds that Shige's an expert at what he does, working the pumps and customers with easy smiles and a bright demeanor. Shige's serious about his work and even though the man is younger than him in terms of age, Pi can tell that Shige's much wiser and mature than he'd ever be.
The man with orange hair that should be blond is Kei, also known as Shige's best friend. Pi can tell that Kei is friendly and just a bit motherly, the type of guy that would find little wrong with bringing home strange men for dinner just because "they looked like they needed to be fed." Pi also notes that Kei is interested in men and to be more specific, is more than a little interested in him. Not that he minds but Pi's already been asked out to lunch, dinner and coffee, at a place he's pretty sure is Kei's apartment. In which case coffee is possibly code for, "Let's get it on like rabid rabbits." And to be honest, if Pi was going to be getting it on with anybody at all, it'd be with Shige or if he was drunk enough, maybe Ryo.
Ryo runs the convenience store that's attached to the gas station. He's also the second oldest after Kei but you wouldn't be able to tell since it's not like the man actually acts his age. Pi's caught him stealing out of Massu's bento twice already and he's almost sure it was Ryo who "accidentally misplaced" Tegoshi's textbooks inside the hood of a car. Ryo's also a territorial bastard (on top of being insanely greasy if those eyes he's been making at Shige are any indication) and has some sort of Shige sense that enables him to know when Pi is thinking about the other man.
Masuda the mechanic, or Massu as everyone besides Tegoshi calls him, is fast becoming Pi's favorite guy. Pi's only spoken twice to Massu, once to ask where the bathroom was and then again in reply to a question about whether he wanted curry or miso for lunch. Pi had chosen miso because it has less calories and he's not allowed more than a thousand a day anyway. Somehow though, Massu gives him a bowl of instant curry ramen anyway and tells him "I had the last of the miso last night, sorry." Bless his soul, the boy even includes a plate of spicy homemade gyoza on the side. When a pot full of miso soup accompanies their dinner that night, Pi can't quite fight the smile at the sight of Massu's reddened face.
The youngest of them all is also the smartest, or so he claims. Tegoshi is Shige's younger cousin and as far as Pi can tell, the boy is like a walking dictionary (or in modern terms, he's a real life Wikipedia). He's heard of people described that way before but it's odd to actually come in contact with one himself. It's novel and tickles the funny bones he didn't realize existed in his body. Pi ends up asking the young boy questions just for the hell of it. "So what's a monkey wrench?" gets him a ten minute explanation which includes diagrams in the dirt and a timeline of its inventor.
Dinner that night and for the subsequent nights is held in Shige's apartment. He doesn't expect to stay long but when he's told by management to "Just lay low for a few days until the rumors with his ex-girlfriend die down," he's left with little choice but to stay in town with them.
It's then that Pi discovers the five of them actually live in the same building also owned by Shige. It's built of red brimstone and reminds Pi of the firehouses he's seen in magazines. It's tall and sturdy looking from the outside, and one would think it's just a typical building if they didn't know better. And Pi can't help feeling that even though this group of men are most likely the weirdest he'll ever meet, there is something irresistible about them collectively and Pi can't help but be drawn in.
The first floor belongs soley to Koyama, the only one of them willing to put up with the loud noises from the occupants above and litter from the annoying advertising salesman. Koyama's apartment is also the one that Pi ends up staying in during the two weeks he's there. Koyama's more than accommodating of him and allows Pi to watch drama re-runs late at night even though his room is situated right next to the living room and therefore any and all noise filters in easily.
Koyama's apartment is mostly neat and tidy, one that Pi could see his elderly Grandmother with Parkinson's living happily in. There's coasters under every glass and peach laced curtains that Pi later learns were a gift from Shige's mother. His bedroom though, is a mess of colors and filled with random pictures of the others. Each wall is painted differently, one's filled with images of food related objects and another is decorated with contrasting kanji characters. Koyama tells him later on that the sides of his room belong to different people, all of them his best friends and closest family.
The next floor is co-inhabited by Ryo and Massu, the former having drawn the short stick while the latter missed the meeting completely and was nominated by the others to room with the older man. Pi finds that the two get along fairly well, and he's sure that the insults Ryo throw at Massu are just in jest because he's just as quick to protect the younger man from attacks by the others. If Pi were only allowed a word to describe their apartment, it'd be manly. It strikes him as bachelor pad of sorts, the two not having much in terms of decorations besides a welcome mat and some childhood photos inside (Pi finds a particularly cute one of a baby Ryo and is almost tempted to take it with him when he leaves). The floor inside is carpeted in a light beige and he finds it's rather comfortable to sit on and even better to nap on.
But if anything, it's the well-stocked fridge in their apartment that attracts Pi. Massu's fridge, as it's widely acknowledged by the others, is a beauty. Six rows tall and almost eight cabinets high, it's got separate drawers for take-out and home-cooked food, not to mention the customary ones for vegetables and fruits. Pi comes to think of the fridge as a magical one, it's never empty of food and no matter the occasion or mood, there is something in it for everyone. Pi once opens it after a phone call home to his parents and finds a container of simple oden with plenty of cabbage, tofu, mushrooms and fish cakes just like his mother used to make.
The topmost floor is what Pi figures would be penthouse status if it were a high-rise building in Tokyo. It's spacious and with two extra windows is brighter than the other floors. It's also the only apartment in the building with a full sized tub in the bathroom, something which Pi discovers Massu regularly takes advantage of. The master bedroom surprisingly belongs to Tegoshi and his shoe collection. Besides being a walking encyclopedia, it seems the younger boy has a shoe fetish. Pi can count at least a dozen limited edition Nikes that even his friends would be jealous of, not to mention the Converses that line the floor.
Shige sleeps in the smaller room that's connected to the study, which does not belong to Tegoshi, the student, but to Shige, the self-proclaimed realist. It's lined with maps of the world and travel books, "1001 Places to See Before You Die" and "Backpacking around Europe" are titles that Pi finds on the shelves. There's two globes that sit in the room, a typical blue plasticky one with its own stand and a smaller, miniature glass one that Pi can immediately tell is the more treasured of the two. Pi finds one wall covered entirely with a map of the world and on it are tiny darts, each with a felted flag tip containing a number and a date on them. Shige's bedroom, on the other hand, is startlingly plain in comparison. It's simply stocked with a dresser and a steel framed bed. The sheets a light cottony blue and his pillows large and numerous.
Pi finds himself adjusting easier than he'd first thought. He's only a day in before they make use of his extra set of hands. He spends an hour with Ryo unloading the newly delivered shipment of goods and another two hours moving them into the storeroom. There isn't much talking between them and the silence is uncomfortable at first but one he gets used to. He trips a couple of times over unopened boxes and bags of food he could've sworn weren't there before but when all is said and done, Pi thinks he's done a pretty good job considering. Ryo doesn't say as much but seems to think the same, handing him a cold beer and a freshly made ham and swiss sandwich once they're finished.
Tegoshi uses him as a dummy audience for his mock trial competition the next day. Unused to public speaking, the normally refined boy starts stuttering, hands twitching and notecards wet with perspiration. Pi sympathizes and tries to help but it seems to make things worse as Tegoshi starts to swear and turn red at his further incompetence. When Massu pops in with the advice of, "I hear imagining them in their underwear helps," Pi automatically strips and sits mostly naked again for fifty minutes before Tegoshi finally nails his speech with a triumphant smirk.
He finally accepts Koyama's invitation for coffee and finds that when the older man says coffee, he means just that. Pi's treated to an afternoon of fresh-baked cookies and homemade cakes along with dark roast coffee served with just the right amount of sugar and milk. He also finds that Koyama's got the kindest soul of anyone he's ever met before, and that once you get past the colorful skinnies and questionable hair, he's actually someone that Pi could spend entire days with.
The two people Pi is of least help to are Shige and Massu. Pi's a high school graduate, wasn't exactly a bad student, just one that never applied himself properly, and he knows next to nothing about mechanics. Massu tells him it's not a problem and that he doesn't do much anyway, cars rarely come for servicing from a gas station mechanic but Pi quickly finds that Massu's more than a little humble. Not only is the next gas station more than five miles away, but Massu's also rumored as the best mechanic this side of Tokyo. It's been said that not only can he tell what's wrong by just listening to the sound of a running engine but that he's able to quick change the oil canister in under two minutes. Pi doesn't stick around much when Massu's actually working, instead he serves as a lunch buddy for the younger man. Massu reminds Pi of a friend from his childhood, warm and friendly, always there with a willing ear and ready smile.
It takes a while for Pi to get close to Shige, not due to any efforts of the greasy man but simply because Shige is a busy person. Running a gas station is nowhere as easy as Pi had first thought, going beyond just filling up gas and wiping the customers' windshields. Every night Shige closes up shop, checking on the oil quality of each individual tank and refilling when necessary. He sweeps around the area, disposing of cigarette butts and littered trash flung through car windows. Pi offers to help with the more menial jobs and though it takes some coaxing, Shige allows him to help change the washer fluids. It's the other side of being an owner that Pi can't help Shige with. There seems to be a new station in the works a few miles off, a brand-name one with all the latest technology and lowest prices to be found. It's a classic case of the big bad wolf versus the tiny lone sheep.
Pi finds Shige one night, late after everyone's gone to bed and he's stayed up fighting the bad guys on Massu's borrowed Wii that really belongs to Ryo. Pi hears the squeaking of the gate below and peers out the window, long past thinking of robbers and kidnappers. He can't tell who it is at first but deducts from the rather tall and lean shadow that it's probably Shige.
Admittedly, Pi isn't a man of big words and he's not good at the comforting stuff, he finds that lending a shoulder out only works for weeping girls and Shige is neither crying nor female. So when he finds a silent and solemn Shige, all he thinks of doing is patting Shige's back a few times. It develops into a slower and smoother rubbing of Shige's tense neck. Pi can feel the tight knots under his hands and applies enough pressure with his thumb and index, gently coaxing and massaging.
"Wow, you've got magical fingers or something. Damn, marry me." Shige finally says, breaking the silence with a soft moan.
Pi grins much like a cheshire cat, "I have a friend who's awesome at giving massages so I've picked up a few tricks of my own."
Shige cracks his neck and sighs in appreciation, "Better than you? Do me a favor and tell this friend she's welcome here anytime. I'll have Ryo cook her the best supper she's ever had and Kei to bake apple pie."
"That might be difficult considering she's a he."
Shige chokes then, on his own spit or maybe even on air. It forces Pi to stop his administrations and he waits until Shige catches his breath again, face bright from the mistake and Pi thinks that it really is possible for someone to die of embarrassment. He smiles at the adorable and rather flaily reaction of the younger man.
"I'll tell him to come with me next time I visit," Pi promises with a laugh.
"I'll try not to call him a her," Shige counters with a smile of his own, one that Pi faintly thinks he wouldn't mind seeing more of.
"You don't smile a lot," Pi hears himself saying and when he realizes it's been said out loud, he's covering his mouth with a hand and wishing for a hole big enough to swallow him up whole.
"Not much to smile about I guess. Not sure if you've noticed but my business is going to hell so it's not like I have much in terms of a career. I live in a three-story apartment building with four other men, none of whom I'm dating or getting any from so my love life is non-existent too. If I were a normal human, I'd already have slit my wrists or jumped off the roof."
There's barely a pause before Pi replies, "Lucky you're not a normal human then huh? And besides you're not missing out on much. Both of those options would hurt like a bitch. And Tegoshi tells me that unless you nick a major vein or artery, you're basically going to just bleed painfully for a while. Jumping, I'd think, is even worse. Think of how messed up your face would look. And I've always wondered if you jump feet first, would your balls feel the impact first? Cos that'll hurt like a mother."
Shige blinks owlishly at him and breathes out before lifting his lips into a smile, "So how would you go about it then?"
"Cyanide or you know, I'd be happy with just booze and some ecstasy. Vodka and dope is the way to go. Though there's really nothing wrong with dying of old age either."
Shige smiles wryly at his comments and for a brief second Pi is wondering if his jokes came across the right way. His worry doesn't last as he's greeted with Shige's rather loud laugh, "Thanks for the tips," he manages to say through his guffaws, "By the way, why exactly were you discussing suicide options with my eighteen year old cousin?"
“For the same reason we are? The kid acts like a smartass but he's more receptive than you give him credit for. He asked me if I thought you'd try to hang yourself while we're all sleeping."
"And what did you tell him?"
"That hanging is so nineteenth century. No, I told him that you're more than sensible enough to not commit suicide. That's only something stupid fools do."
Shige hears the careful edge in Pi's voice and lifts his head to meet the other's eyes. He sees a mix of concern and consternation that has him smiling. "And I'm not a stupid fool."
"No, didn't think you were."
"Thanks. Thanks for telling him that."
"Why thank me? It's not I lied or anything. Unless you think I did."
"No, I just, things have been difficult lately."
Pi leans closer to Shige and punches him lightly on the shoulder, "I've always seen guys doing that in movies and wondered if that actually makes anyone feel better."
Shige grins, "You forgot to tell me to 'cheer up bro'. At least do it right."
Pi punches him again, this time harder, almost knocking Shige off his seat on steps.
"Ow."
"Just knocking some sense into you. Don't tell Nishikido-kun though, I have a feeling he'd hunt my ass down for that and I kind of like my ass."
"Ryo? He's a big softie and he's sort of like the big brother I never had and probably don't want. And I kind of like your ass too," Shige jokes, a brighter and truer smile now adorned on his face.
"He's very...protective of you."
There's a loud snort followed but a quieter chuckle, "No need to be politically correct. Ryo doesn't have the hots for me, he just likes to pretend he does. People like Ryo, they need a role to assume and an act to play out. He doesn't mean anything by it."
Pi nods and takes a look around the gas station, "It's a great place you've got here."
"It really is. I wish that were enough."
Pi detects the slightest hint of bitterness in Shige's voice but sees none of it in his eyes. It's with fondness and what seems to be a bit of regret that Shige scans through his property. "Have you decided what you'll do?"
Shige's silent, taking his time before answering, "Selling, I've got a buyer who's interested in the land."
Pi doesn't respond directly and changes the subject, he's sure that Shige's thought the decision through and it's definitely not his place to be questioning it. They wind up chatting about useless things, the last movie they saw in the theaters, Pi's upcoming underwear modeling gigs and even about the different types of rocks lying nearby. Pi mentions granite being the sparkly kind and Shige counters that with obsidian, a usually flat and glossy black rock. They find themselves arguing about whether jade or diamond make a prettier engagement ring.
It isn't until daylight that Pi realizes they've just spent the entire night discussing trivial matters. He's pretty sure they even debated whether durians should be allowed onto public transportation in other Asian countries and he hasn't even eaten the fruit before.
"Probably should head back up now. The others are going to be expecting food of some kind," Shige says with a yawn as he gets up and stretches.
The movement allows Pi a flash of the pale expanse of skin hiding underneath the worn t-shirt and he murmurs his appreciation.
"Coming?" Shige asks, hand outstretched to pull Pi up.
Pi pushes himself up with a toothy grin and motions for Shige to go first, "We've established my ass is well liked, I think it's only fair I get to evaluate yours too."
To his credit, Shige only blushes faintly and even walks up the stairs with extra gusto, making sure to jut his hip out more and gives Pi quite a show, wiggling his ass left to right before entering the apartment. Pi grins and whistles appropriately, but thinks that he's get far more excited than he should be as he feels himself hardening with every step.
-------------------------
Pi finds that Shige isn't too good of a cook. His sunny-side eggs are always more runny than he thinks is safe to ingest and the bacon are more like hardened crisps of cardboard than strips of mouth watering pig fat (though when Pi thinks of it that way, he's not too inclined to eat it anymore). He doesn't complain, only watches as the others rib Shige enough for him to smack at them with a still hot spatula, spurring them into a full-out food fight.
There's flying toast and buttered pancakes, even Tegoshi's blueberry parfait and Koyama's waffles aren't exempt from the battle. Pi's hit square in the face with a rather floppy piece of pancake and he picks at it, dunking it into syrup before taking a few steps back out of the war zone.
He finds Massu on the couch with a plate of scrambled eggs and an extra fork. "Want some?" He asks between large bites.
Pi shrugs, he's really just hungry and anything Massu eats is bound to be good. "Where'd you get that?"
Massu points his utensil in a general direction where Pi can spot Koyama being held in a head-lock by a victorious Ryo, drenched in what probably used to be drinkable coffee. Massu swallows, "Ryo-kun makes me breakfast before we come down here. He says that Kato-kun's 'crap is inedible' and wouldn't 'wish it on his worst enemy.'"
From the kitchen floor, Shige kicks at Ryo, sending him flopping down next to him, "You are so whipped," he laughs.
The fight is short lived and ends soon after that. Shige's left to clean the mess because, "It's your kitchen, why should I clean it?" as Ryo explains before leading the others out of the apartment. Massu tosses Shige an apologetic smile, "I've got a Lexus coming in for service soon, sorry I can't help out Kato-kun." Koyama twitters out, folding his unused but nonetheless dirty apron on the stool, "Someone's got to open up shop." Tegoshi grabs his backpack and pats Shige on the back, "My education is more important."
Pi grabs the neatly folded apron and drapes it over his neck, "Lucky for you I'm currently unemployed. Although I think my manager would grow a cyst if he saw me now," he says as he dumps scraps of food into the trash.
Shige reaches for the plate in Pi's hand and gives him a lopsided grin that has Pi suddenly thinking it's a little too hot for them to be wearing so many layers. "Don't know why, you're totally rocking the apron."
Pi glances down and does a double take, an actual honest-to-god double take seen only in movies and comedic ones at that. "I didn't realize it was so frilly."
"It's Koyama's, he likes to stitch and make stuff. No one ever uses it but you're welcome to it if you like. "
Pi frowns, "I have an image to uphold you know."
Shige guffaws and drops a mug back into the sink full of water in reaction, "I've seen your photos and your image is pretty much clad in Calvin Kleins all day. How hard is that to maintain?"
Pi grins, wiggling his eyebrow in what he hopes to be an attractive fashion, "So, you've seen my stuff huh? What'd you think?"
Shige blanches and turns pink before coughing into his hand, "Well um, it's uh, it's interesting from an artistic standpoint."
"My underwear or my package?" Pi asks with a somewhat straight face that mostly just fails.
Shige stutters and turns around to throw a sponge at Pi, "Stop being such a pervert. If I didn't know better I'd say you were hitting on me."
Pi's silent for a minute, "Then pretend you don't know better," he says quietly to Shige's back.
Shige tenses, unsure of the implications in Pi's statement. The older man's been a good guest, and they get along well, teasing one another with light jokes but Pi's straight. He's never been anything but straight. In the end Shige doesn't answer, ignoring Pi's reply in favor of finishing the dishes.
Late that night, Pi finds a glossy photo of himself, nude save for a pair of tight black Calvin Klein boxer-briefs and some gray socks. There's a red circle around his crotch along with two large exclamation marks. And on the back, written in fairly neat handwriting are the words, "Underwear 0, Pi's Package 1."
Click for more crack.