BSG fic: Unions of a Kneeling Chapter Two: Lost in Her Own Life
Disclaimer: I don't own BSG. The title is by CS Lewis. This chapter's title is by a Superchic[k] song.
Chapter One
Chapter Two: Lost in Her Own Life
Sharon was used to crowded sleeping quarters. On Galactica, the pilot’s duty locker was a constant source of noise and confusion. Rowdy card games and drinking, the sounds of people in their racks, it all joined together to form up the atmosphere of the ship. Privacy was something she was definitely not used to.
But the Cylons were even less private. No one had an assigned room or bunk. When someone was tired, they sank down on the nearest bed and slept, regardless of what other models were in the room or if there was anybody already occupying the bed. It was a strange sight to wander the Basestar and see a Six and a Three slumped over the same table or three Fives lying in perfect precision on a line of bunks. It was an incredible sign of unity and lack of organization that continued to amaze her.
She was certainly left alone more than any other Cylon. There were whispers whenever she entered a room and everyone almost unconsciously seemed to avoid joining her whenever she was resting or working out. It gave her a lot of time to think and deal with her twisted, conflicted soul.
She did her best not to think about people’s reaction to her once they rejoined the humans. From what had happened just before she’d died, it wouldn’t be hard to guess what those reactions would be like, but there were certain people that she didn’t know if she could bear receiving such reactions from. She’d learned that Admiral Adama had lived through her assassination attempt. She thanked God or the gods or anything every day for that fact. But the man she’d looked up to as a father could hardly welcome her back after such a betrayal of his trust.
She didn’t even want to picture the Chief in her mind. His face when he’d looked at her as she died was her sweetest boon and her most bitter torment. She still loved him with every fiber of her being, or every circuit, or whatever she was made of. She knew he would always love her and that he would never be able to bring himself into agreement with that. She could only imagine the torment he was putting himself through because of her. He could move on, he could even fall in love with someone else, but she knew he would still be completely frakked up inside because of her. It made her wish she could truly die.
There were other people, her friends, ones she so deeply loved, like Kara, her best friend and mentor. Racetrack, Gaeta, Apollo, Dee, Duck. All people she cared about. All people she’d betrayed. The remembrance of only one person gave her hope that she might be accepted.
She’d never forgotten leaving Helo behind on Caprica. When she’d been resurrected there, she’d determined to set out and find him if he was still alive. The Cylons had told her what had happened with the other Sharon, with their baby, and how she and Helo had rejoined the fleet, even knowing what she was.
She’d loved Helo even if she hadn’t been in love with him. If he could love a machine with her face whom he did not have a history with, maybe he would try and advocate for her. Or at least not hate her on sight. It was the one thing that gave her hope as she prepared the Cylons to reintegrate with the humans.
“Sharon.” Caprica poked her head in the room. “We’re ready for you.”
“I’m coming.” Sharon got to her feet and wrapped a towel around her neck.
Maybe she didn’t need to exercise now that she was a Cylon, but she liked the familiar routine.
“What’s the plan, Boomer?” asked the Three when they entered Command.
She’d taken to using the Eights’ name for Sharon almost derisively.
“We want to jump to a location that’s close but a good ways away so that we can approach them at sub-light speed. We don’t want them to become alarmed and jump away.”
“We’ve now determined,” a Four said, “that they have congregated around a planet. But it is extremely hard to interpret readings because of the interference in the system.”
“If they’re at a planet, then they’ll have people on the surface.”
“You’re right, Caprica. However many,” Sharon said, pondering that. “They’ll be divided which will make them feel defensive. We need to give them a chance to put the fleet back together before approaching them, so they feel like they have a chance to leave.”
“When will we be close?” asked Leoben.
“We should arrive at the system in less than three months,” answered Simon.
“Then we need to make sure we’re ready,” Sharon said. “We only have one chance at this.”
Chapter One
Chapter Two: Lost in Her Own Life
Sharon was used to crowded sleeping quarters. On Galactica, the pilot’s duty locker was a constant source of noise and confusion. Rowdy card games and drinking, the sounds of people in their racks, it all joined together to form up the atmosphere of the ship. Privacy was something she was definitely not used to.
But the Cylons were even less private. No one had an assigned room or bunk. When someone was tired, they sank down on the nearest bed and slept, regardless of what other models were in the room or if there was anybody already occupying the bed. It was a strange sight to wander the Basestar and see a Six and a Three slumped over the same table or three Fives lying in perfect precision on a line of bunks. It was an incredible sign of unity and lack of organization that continued to amaze her.
She was certainly left alone more than any other Cylon. There were whispers whenever she entered a room and everyone almost unconsciously seemed to avoid joining her whenever she was resting or working out. It gave her a lot of time to think and deal with her twisted, conflicted soul.
She did her best not to think about people’s reaction to her once they rejoined the humans. From what had happened just before she’d died, it wouldn’t be hard to guess what those reactions would be like, but there were certain people that she didn’t know if she could bear receiving such reactions from. She’d learned that Admiral Adama had lived through her assassination attempt. She thanked God or the gods or anything every day for that fact. But the man she’d looked up to as a father could hardly welcome her back after such a betrayal of his trust.
She didn’t even want to picture the Chief in her mind. His face when he’d looked at her as she died was her sweetest boon and her most bitter torment. She still loved him with every fiber of her being, or every circuit, or whatever she was made of. She knew he would always love her and that he would never be able to bring himself into agreement with that. She could only imagine the torment he was putting himself through because of her. He could move on, he could even fall in love with someone else, but she knew he would still be completely frakked up inside because of her. It made her wish she could truly die.
There were other people, her friends, ones she so deeply loved, like Kara, her best friend and mentor. Racetrack, Gaeta, Apollo, Dee, Duck. All people she cared about. All people she’d betrayed. The remembrance of only one person gave her hope that she might be accepted.
She’d never forgotten leaving Helo behind on Caprica. When she’d been resurrected there, she’d determined to set out and find him if he was still alive. The Cylons had told her what had happened with the other Sharon, with their baby, and how she and Helo had rejoined the fleet, even knowing what she was.
She’d loved Helo even if she hadn’t been in love with him. If he could love a machine with her face whom he did not have a history with, maybe he would try and advocate for her. Or at least not hate her on sight. It was the one thing that gave her hope as she prepared the Cylons to reintegrate with the humans.
“Sharon.” Caprica poked her head in the room. “We’re ready for you.”
“I’m coming.” Sharon got to her feet and wrapped a towel around her neck.
Maybe she didn’t need to exercise now that she was a Cylon, but she liked the familiar routine.
“What’s the plan, Boomer?” asked the Three when they entered Command.
She’d taken to using the Eights’ name for Sharon almost derisively.
“We want to jump to a location that’s close but a good ways away so that we can approach them at sub-light speed. We don’t want them to become alarmed and jump away.”
“We’ve now determined,” a Four said, “that they have congregated around a planet. But it is extremely hard to interpret readings because of the interference in the system.”
“If they’re at a planet, then they’ll have people on the surface.”
“You’re right, Caprica. However many,” Sharon said, pondering that. “They’ll be divided which will make them feel defensive. We need to give them a chance to put the fleet back together before approaching them, so they feel like they have a chance to leave.”
“When will we be close?” asked Leoben.
“We should arrive at the system in less than three months,” answered Simon.
“Then we need to make sure we’re ready,” Sharon said. “We only have one chance at this.”