Shitty night!!
Man, the shittiest thing happened last night!
You never realize how many celebrities reside in Boston, until one of them picks you up in his
underage-girl filled limo.
Let me back-track.
So I was walking back from my Media Writing class from the Ridgeway building, when I decided to sidetrack to the convenience store to get some juice.
I had been drinking seltzer water for the past 7 months or so, so I thought a bottle of apple-cranberry juice would really spruce up my college life.
I walk into the store, pick up my juice of choice (apple-cranberry), pay for it, and walk out.
It was then I unknowingly made my biggest mistake.
You'll see why in a moment.
So there I was, juice in hand, about to get onto Tremont Street, when a long black limousine starts driving slowly adjacent to me. At the time I didn't think much of it, until I notice the window rolling down.
"Yo amigo!" calls out the voice from the limousine.
I look around, expecting to see the person the voice was intended for.
I find that there is, in fact, no one on the street except for myself, and the limousine.
I stop walking, and the limousine stops driving.
"Are...you talking to me?" I ask cautiously, as not many men in limousines ask for me.
"You're who I'm talking to." Says the strange voice.
It occurs to me that I haven't even bothered to look in the limousine, so I peer inside to none other than
Ben Affleck.
"Oh my God! I know who you are! What are you doing hear?" I run up to the limousine and place my hand on the open window. Like a cat reacting to water, Ben Affleck jumps back to the other side of the seat.
"Bro! Bro. No sudden movements? Look, man, wanna get in the limo?" Asks Ben Affleck. I notice he hasn't made eye contact with me the entire time. In fact, he had been staring at my bottle of apple-cranberry juice since the beginning of the conversation.
Now...to get inside the limo of a strange is NOT a good idea. I know this. But my reasoning for getting inside was: He's a celebrity, what harm could he do to me?
"Sure...I have no where to be right now." I say, slowly moving the bottle of juice back and forth. His eyes follow.
For the first time, he breaks eye contact with the juice and opens the car door.
"Hope you don't mind sharing the limo with underage girls..." He says, with a smug look on his face.
I will always find it startling how I didn't notice that there were at least seven women packed into that limo.
All of them, in fact, seemed to be underage.
"How old are you all?" I ask.
"Don't answer, ladies," Says Ben Affleck with an eerie ease, "Answer him, ladies."
"Underage." They all say in unison.
"That was completely unnecessary." I say.
"Absolutely not. I want your juice." Says Ben Affleck, the seven underage girls all start giggling.
"Excuse me?"
"Look. Give me the J." Ben Affleck says, he starts edging closer towards me.
"Uh...here you go." Ben Affleck snatches the juice out of my hand, and brings it close to his chest...like a father reuniting with his child.
The next hour is the most uncomfortable hour of my life. It consists of Ben Affleck looking longingly at the bottle of juice, while I sit awkwardly, trying avoiding contact with the underage girls.
"Stop." Says Ben Affleck, and almost magically, the limousine halts.
It occurs to me that I've never seen the driver of the limo since I got in.
Ben Affleck leans over me and opens the door.
The lean over me was very unnecessary, as he could have just gotten out the other side to open the door.
Relief rushes over me as I step out of the limousine.
"It was nice to meet you." I say.
Ben Affleck looks at me.
"Can I get paid back for the juice?"
Ben Affleck scoffs, reaches into his pockets, and pulls out what looks like a big wad of bills.
He closes the door, and the limousine drives away.
I sit down on the curb, trying to take in the entire night.
I look around and realize that I was in the EXACT same spot I was in when the limo pulled up to me.
We had been driving in circles the entire time.
I let out a loud, disgusted sigh.
I unroll the wad of bills, only to find that it is cut out pictures of Ben Affleck from a magazine, wrapped in a ten dollar bill.
"Goddamnit."
I pick myself off the curb, walk into the convenient store, and buy myself a new bottle of juice.
You never realize how many celebrities reside in Boston, until one of them picks you up in his
underage-girl filled limo.
Let me back-track.
So I was walking back from my Media Writing class from the Ridgeway building, when I decided to sidetrack to the convenience store to get some juice.
I had been drinking seltzer water for the past 7 months or so, so I thought a bottle of apple-cranberry juice would really spruce up my college life.
I walk into the store, pick up my juice of choice (apple-cranberry), pay for it, and walk out.
It was then I unknowingly made my biggest mistake.
You'll see why in a moment.
So there I was, juice in hand, about to get onto Tremont Street, when a long black limousine starts driving slowly adjacent to me. At the time I didn't think much of it, until I notice the window rolling down.
"Yo amigo!" calls out the voice from the limousine.
I look around, expecting to see the person the voice was intended for.
I find that there is, in fact, no one on the street except for myself, and the limousine.
I stop walking, and the limousine stops driving.
"Are...you talking to me?" I ask cautiously, as not many men in limousines ask for me.
"You're who I'm talking to." Says the strange voice.
It occurs to me that I haven't even bothered to look in the limousine, so I peer inside to none other than
Ben Affleck.
"Oh my God! I know who you are! What are you doing hear?" I run up to the limousine and place my hand on the open window. Like a cat reacting to water, Ben Affleck jumps back to the other side of the seat.
"Bro! Bro. No sudden movements? Look, man, wanna get in the limo?" Asks Ben Affleck. I notice he hasn't made eye contact with me the entire time. In fact, he had been staring at my bottle of apple-cranberry juice since the beginning of the conversation.
Now...to get inside the limo of a strange is NOT a good idea. I know this. But my reasoning for getting inside was: He's a celebrity, what harm could he do to me?
"Sure...I have no where to be right now." I say, slowly moving the bottle of juice back and forth. His eyes follow.
For the first time, he breaks eye contact with the juice and opens the car door.
"Hope you don't mind sharing the limo with underage girls..." He says, with a smug look on his face.
I will always find it startling how I didn't notice that there were at least seven women packed into that limo.
All of them, in fact, seemed to be underage.
"How old are you all?" I ask.
"Don't answer, ladies," Says Ben Affleck with an eerie ease, "Answer him, ladies."
"Underage." They all say in unison.
"That was completely unnecessary." I say.
"Absolutely not. I want your juice." Says Ben Affleck, the seven underage girls all start giggling.
"Excuse me?"
"Look. Give me the J." Ben Affleck says, he starts edging closer towards me.
"Uh...here you go." Ben Affleck snatches the juice out of my hand, and brings it close to his chest...like a father reuniting with his child.
The next hour is the most uncomfortable hour of my life. It consists of Ben Affleck looking longingly at the bottle of juice, while I sit awkwardly, trying avoiding contact with the underage girls.
"Stop." Says Ben Affleck, and almost magically, the limousine halts.
It occurs to me that I've never seen the driver of the limo since I got in.
Ben Affleck leans over me and opens the door.
The lean over me was very unnecessary, as he could have just gotten out the other side to open the door.
Relief rushes over me as I step out of the limousine.
"It was nice to meet you." I say.
Ben Affleck looks at me.
"Can I get paid back for the juice?"
Ben Affleck scoffs, reaches into his pockets, and pulls out what looks like a big wad of bills.
He closes the door, and the limousine drives away.
I sit down on the curb, trying to take in the entire night.
I look around and realize that I was in the EXACT same spot I was in when the limo pulled up to me.
We had been driving in circles the entire time.
I let out a loud, disgusted sigh.
I unroll the wad of bills, only to find that it is cut out pictures of Ben Affleck from a magazine, wrapped in a ten dollar bill.
"Goddamnit."
I pick myself off the curb, walk into the convenient store, and buy myself a new bottle of juice.