Gift fic for joshua_glass
Intergroup Gold for joshua_glass
from imifumei
Title: Letterbox
Pairings/Groups: Taguchi Junnosuke/Koyama Keiichirou, Koyama+Ohkura (friendship), Taguchi+Ohkura (friendship), background KoyaShige (friendship)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None.
Summary: Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night will stay Junno from the swift completion of his appointed rounds and the clandestine yet benign abuse of the power those rounds afford him.
Notes: For joshua_glass. I was very excited to get to write for you. I really hope you like this. Title and cut text appropriated from They Might Be Giants' 'Letterbox'.
The mailboxes squeak when Junno unlocks them and leans them out from the wall like one big, aluminum drawer. He catches himself from flinching at the sound, reminds himself that it can't be tattling on him because this is his actual job, delivering the mail, even if he uses the access to the mailbox to slide unmetered mail illegally into the box of Koyama Keiichirou, Apartment 4B.
This is the fifteenth such letter, delivered only on Fridays, unsigned. It is, as always, a one-sided conversation.
'Are you well? I thought of you today in Omotesando. There was a little boy eating a crepe, smiling and laughing. It was strawberry, the first ones of the season. He wore a blue cotton shirt with Doraemon on it. Did you like Doraemon as a child?'
'Are you well? It was so warm today. I watched an OL try to tame her hair in the breeze. There is too little breeze to curse it. I'd like to go to the sea. I wonder if you would prefer swimming or sun-bathing?"
'Are you well? The summer holiday is ending. Some people try to cram a lot of activities into their summer holiday but I was always one to spend as much of it as possible doing nothing. Did you have many activities to keep you busy or did you relax?"
He tucks this week's letter between a business-style envelope and one that reads 'You May Already Have Won!!!'. This one mentions the fact that Koyama's tan is fading and wonders whether he enjoys the Autumn.
He doesn't usually mention specifics about Koyama and hopes that it doesn't scare him. Of course, for all he knows, Koyama tosses them without reading.
He tucks 3B's mail under his arm and takes the stairs, quickly phoning in his electronic timecard and studying the worn-out linoleum for an answer to the question he's sure he'll be asked when he arrives at his best friend's apartment; 'why don't you just say hello and ask him out?', Ohkura will ask.
He knocks twice on the door and Ohkura opens it for him. Junno sighs and shrugs in answer to the question before Ohkura asks it, stepping past his friend and into the apartment where warm smells of late lunch/early supper are bubbling from the kitchenette.
Ohkura threatens to tell his neighbor about the sender of the letters but Junno knows he won't. He hasn't yet, and Junno has been sending them for almost four months. When he leaves Ohkura's apartment and heads toward his own, he stops in the lobby to check and see if the mail has been retrieved.
The slot for 4B is empty. Junno smiles to himself.
----
"Are you well? It was beautiful in the park by the shrine near my house today. There were hot roasted yams and you could smell them from a hundred meters away. They remind me of being in school. I used to get one when I would take a break from studying. The guy near my house always does them perfectly. I wish you could try one."
----
Ohkura doesn't hate working retail. He's a little unsure why other people seem to loathe it so much. He might dislike it if he were selling clothes, but the little bookstore he works for is perfect for him. He spends most of his day sitting around or directing customers to where in the very small store they can find whatever book they are trying to locate. It rarely requires him to move much. He reads and he eats his lunch or dinner, or some days both, at the small till counter in the back of the store.
That's how he meets Koyama. Ohkura orders a delivery sandwich and coffee almost every day for lunch and it's Koyama who delivers it.
Koyama is a chatty guy, which Ohkura likes because he is less chatty naturally and it makes it more work to get to know people. Koyama did all the work for him. By the time Ohkura finds out that Koyama lives in his building, they've already fallen into familiar banter. Koyama drops off Ohkura's sandwich, thinly-sliced beef with grilled green onions today, and leans on the counter.
"Busy today?"
"Not especially, there was a tourist couple earlier who were here for a while, but no, not really. You?"
"We were earlier. You always order late. We're slow around now."
Ohkura nods and tucks into his sandwich, letting Koyama continue to chat away.
"I'm not looking forward to going home today. They're repainting the halls in my building. Everything smells like paint."
"Mmf," Ohkura grunts and swallows the bite of his sandwich so he can speak. "Me too. Where do you live?"
"Down the street. The building with taupe stucco."
"Taupe. . ." Ohkura says quietly to himself as though he knows he knows what taupe is but, like most men, his personal arsenal of color words is limited to a dozen or so and he has to scroll through them in his mind, trying to recall exactly what 'taupe' means.
Koyama, recognizing the problem, having seen it often enough, offers helpfully, "Brownish-grey."
"Yeah. I mean, most of the buildings around here are brownish-grey, but yeah. They're painting in my building too. Dead ficus in the entryway? Yellow zinnias in the flower box out front?"
"Yes! That's my building too! How do you not know what taupe is but correctly identify zinnias?"
"My mom gardens," Ohkura explains and bites back into his sandwich.
Koyama acknowledges this with a soft "Ah," and continues, "I live in 4B, you?"
Ohkura balks and hopes the sandwich he has half stuffed into his face hides it. "I'm 3B."
"Huh! Right downstairs! I can't believe we've been neighbors this whole time and not known it."
"Yeah." Ohkura averts his eyes. So this is the guy; Junno's secret letter guy. All right, Ohkura thinks to himself. He isn't even interested in Koyama and, objectively speaking, Koyama is a pretty good dude. Ohkura isn't sure what Junno looks for in a boyfriend, or what anybody looks for in a boyfriend, really, but a quick mental survey affords Ohkura a fairly accurate picture of why someone might like Koyama.
He does what he assumes is a fair job of not letting on that he's privy to anything shady, since Koyama doesn't say anything. He just stays for five or ten minutes, brightening Ohkura's otherwise moderately drab day and then goes back to work.
Ohkura puzzles over what to do with this new information. He stops asking Junno why he doesn't just ask the guy out. Now that he is aware that he knows the other guy, he doesn't think he wants to get involved.
----
"Are you well? I took my jacket out of the closet today, since it was actually cool enough to need one. Don't you love the feeling of slipping your hand into a pocket and finding a forgotten two-thousand yen note? It's like a present from past you. Today past me bought me a new green knit cap. Do you think that was a good choice?"
----
It's late on a Friday afternoon, just a week after Koyama finds out that he already knows his downstairs neighbor, when he decides to take advantage of that knowledge. The weather is turning cooler and a lot of the tenants of the building have been leaving their balcony doors open for the cool, fresh breezes now that it's not quite so stiflingly humid.
He steps out onto his balcony and leans over, hoping to see Ohkura's door open, to know if he's home before he goes downstairs to ask Ohkura for some help. He's pleasantly surprised to see Ohkura leaning on his balcony, talking over his shoulder to someone Koyama can't see without leaning far enough over the balcony that he'd probably fall and break his neck.
"Hey!" Koyama stretches an arm down and waves vigourously. "How's it going?"
Ohkura glances up, smiles with what Koyama is sure is rueful amusement, probably having to do with whatever he was just discussing with his houseguest. "Fine, thanks. Yourself?"
"All right. I was going to ask you to help me with something, but I see you have guests."
"It's okay, I was just leaving," comes the houseguest's rushed voice from beyond Koyama's vision.
"Coward," Ohkura mumbles but turns his face up to Koyama's next. "Do you need me to come up?"
"No, I'll come down."
Koyama gathers up the hibachi he's having trouble with and carries it and the assembly instructions down to 3B just in time to see the back of a tall, black-clad postal worker, complete with ball-cap and yellow-striped trousers quickly dashing around the corner toward the staircase. Ohkura is standing in his doorway, smiling.
"Was that the mailman just now?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Oh. I wish I had known. I'd have asked him to stay a minute so I could ask hm something."
Ohkura's face shows only polite interest as he let Koyama into his apartment, "Oh?"
"Yeah. I have been getting letters in my mailbox. He might be able to help me figure out who's putting them in there."
"Letters? In your mailbox? You don't say."
Koyama laughs. "No, I mean unmetered letters. Not regular ones."
"If you're getting letters that haven't been sent legally, you should file a complaint with the police."
Koyama smiled secretively to himself. "Oh, they aren't those kind of letters."
"As long as you're sure you don't have some kind of creepy stalker," Ohkura said blandly.
"It's nothing like that. Anyway, I need your help."
"Uh-huh."
"This hibachi is impossible to put together alone. You need an extra hand or two. Can you hold these three pieces together while I screw them together?"
Koyama is grateful enough for Ohkura's help that he invites him up to his own apartment to share in the yakiniku he has for dinner. He's glad to have made a friend so close to home.
----
"Are you well? There was a woman climbing the stairs of the shopping arcade today with more packages than she could really carry. She must have been as old as Mt. Fuji and young people just kept huffing at her for walking slowly and pushing past her. She seemed so alone. I walked with her for a bit. I hope that when you are old, there is someone to walk with you."
----
As Ohkura descends the stairs to go home after dinner, he briefly ponders whether he should try to help the two of them get together. But he and Junno are friends. They have been since they were kids. Their mothers were friends, are still friends. He and Junno are more than that, even. They are bros. And Ohkura quickly determines that as such, set-ups aren't really his job. A bro might be a wingman, but he isn't a matchmaker. It isn't going to stop him from seeking a little more information, though, if he can get it.
He's not about to play go-between, but he'd at least like to be able to tell his friend if he's barking up the wrong tree.
A few days later he decides to actually go into the cafe for a late lunch on his day off. As Koyama had said, they aren't especially busy in the late afternoon and Koyama sits for a minute with him when he brings Ohkura's beverage before going back to the counter where he stays and laughs comfortably with a young, dark-haired man who comes in shortly thereafter.
Koyama seems very friendly with this guy, so Ohkura decides to go out on a limb and ask when Koyama brings his food, "Is that your boyfriend?"
Koyama collapses in a fit of laughter. "Hahaha! Ha. No! No, no, no, nono." He giggles along with his words.
"Hey!" The other guy shouts. "I can hear you."
Ohkura raises a brow.
"Shige? No. Shige is not my boyfriend. No, no, no." He adds, the tone of voice indicating, as though the constant stream of chuckling didn't, that the mere idea is laughable.
"Quit saying 'no' like that. You'll make people think there's something wrong with me."
Koyama turns back toward Shige. "Can you imagine us dating, though?"
Shige shudders exaggeratedly. "I'd rather not. I have to get back to class." He waves to Koyama and gives Ohkura a nod of polite acknowledgment.
Without anyone else in the cafe, Koyama has a seat with Ohkura at the table and they spend their afternoon amiably. Koyama doesn't seem remotely perturbed that Ohkura has intimated he's gay so Ohkura figures either Koyama is gay, or he's very secure in his masculinity.
For the first time ever in his life as a heterosexual male, Ohkura finds himself hoping another guy is gay. But he figures that's not weird, since he's hoping that Koyama is gay philanthropically.
----
"Are you well? The news this morning had a woman on telling about smile therapy. She explained that smiling, even if it's for no reason, makes you feel better. I thought it would be different. I was expecting her to talk about how seeing other people smile makes you feel better, but maybe it's not universal. Maybe it's just seeing certain people smile. Did anyone make you smile today? I hope so."
----
Koyama wants to talk to someone about the letters he's been getting. He doesn't want to mention it to Shige because Shige is. . .Shige. And he will worry too much about it and probably explain to Koyama in very great and well-annotated detail all the reasons why Koyama is crazy for a.) not contacting the police, and b.) considering replying to the overtures of what is sure to be a madman-slash-rapist-slash-murderer, probably all three.
He remembers that when he mentioned it to Ohkura, he didn't flip out. He thinks that Ohkura probably isn't the type to flip out over very many things. He decides to mention it when he takes Ohkura his lunch, a chicken and grilled vegetable sandwich today.
"How's work?"
"Fine. You?"
"Also fine. Can I ask you something."
"Can I eat while you ask me?"
"Sure, go ahead while it's still warm." Ohkura nods and motions for him to ask his question so Koyama forges ahead, despite being a bit nervous about saying it out loud, "You know those letters I mentioned getting?"
"Mm-hmm," Ohkura affirms with his mouth full.
"Well, I'm still getting them. They're really nice. I'm thinking about replying."
Ohkura raises his brows in mild surprise.
"I know what you're thinking, that it's crazy and I shouldn't do it." Ohkura shrugs like it's no skin off his back if Koyama answers the letters but Koyama feels compelled to lay out his entire explanation, since he had spent the time to work it out in advance. "See, the thing is, the writer seems really nice and very thoughtful. He notices stuff and he's kind and he keeps asking me questions even though I never answer him back and I feel bad, especially since he asks questions I want to answer."
"What makes you so sure it's a guy?"
"He talks like a guy in his letters. Oh god, I hope it's a guy. I never thought about it. I guess there are some girls who talk like that. I hope it's not a girl, that would be awkward."
"Hm. Well how are you going to send him letters if you don't have an address?"
Koyama frowns. "Oh. Oh, I hadn't thought about it. Well, if he can get stuff into my mailbox, he can probably get stuff out, right? If I just address it to something plain like 'sender' and don't put any postage on it, the mail man won't take it, right?"
"Probably," Ohkura replies lightly.
"Right. I'm going to do it. Oh! But you know him, don't you?"
Ohkura nearly chokes on his next bite of sandwich. "I'm sorry?"
"The mail man? You know him. Your friend from the balcony?"
"Oh. Yes."
"Well then- oh nevermind. I was going to ask you to tell him not to take them, but I'm sure he won't if there is no postage. I'm totally going to do it."
"You let me know how that goes for you."
Koyama walks back to work grinning excitedly.
----
"Are you well? There is a restaurant is Ebisu with a name I can't pronounce. It starts with an I. It serves western food and I want to try it but my friends don't want to go with me and I never like to do that sort of thing by myself. Are you the type who can go to a restaurant or a movie all alone?"
----
Yes, I am well, thank you. I think I might actually know the place. Are you talking about Inishmoore? They have British foods, I think, or maybe Irish? I can't tell the difference. I only went once and the beer was too bitter and too expensive for my tastes. I guess I could do those things by myself if I had to, but I prefer to ask a friend to go with me. I am surprised that you can't go places alone because from your letters, you always seem to be out walking. I'm sorry I haven't replied until now.
Koyama wonders how he should sign it for a moment before deciding to leave it off entirely. His mystery man never signed his name, after all.
----
"What do you think this means?" Junno asks in Ohkura's kitchen the following Friday.
Ohkura shrugs. The shrugging has been working for him so far as a non-committal answer, so he figures he'll stick to it for as long as it keeps working.
"Do you think I should stop?"
Ohkura regards Junno as though he has grown a few extraneous heads. But then he blinks and reminds himself of a few things about Junno. He's not a super 'take charge' kind of guy; he prefers to just let things happen slowly, very slowly in some cases. Also he has been sending this guy letters for months without a word back which means he feels strongly enough to keep going without encouragement and also that suddenly hearing back now is probably freaking him out a bit. Ohkura really doesn't want to be a factor in this at all. There are just too many variables. Set-ups are definitely not his forte and, he had already decided, not really his job, either. Plus, and this was the really important part, if things don't work out he doesn't want any fingers being pointed at him. Bros don't fix up their bros. It's weird and an all-around bad idea.
Then again, he reasons, bros don't let bros make stupid decisions based on bad information or no information at all.
Accordingly, Ohkura decides to address the problem with his fiercest weapon; quiet sarcasm. "Yeah, because after months of nothing, the best time to stop is as soon as he answers you. Politely, I might add."
"You're right. Stopping now would be dumb."
"You think?"
----
"Are you well? You don't need to apologize. I do walk alone a lot, but I can do it because it's for work. Besides work, I don't mind walking alone sometimes, but if it were all the time I would get lonely. Some people actually travel the whole world by themselves but I think it would be more fun if you could share it with someone. I think it would be more fun to say 'Remember when we went there?' than 'Ah, I went there once.' Then even your memories would be lonely."
----
I think you're right. There are some places I want to go badly enough that I would go all by myself if I had no one to go with me, but I think would rather have companions if I could. Are you lonely?
Koyama thinks that if the answer is yes, his heart might break.
----
"Not especially. I have family, of course, and I have friends and people who share my hobbies. Do you ever notice that there are people who you share your hobbies with but who aren't totally your friends? I have some people who I can do things like play video games with all day, but I wouldn't call them up if I were in trouble, but some of the people who I am close enough with to call in a pinch hardly share any of my hobbies. I think it's best when you can have both with people."
----
"I think so too," Koyama says to himself with a sigh, leaning back against the door to close it behind himself. He didn't even wait until he got to his apartment to read it. He holds the letter to his heart for a second, thinking about what he wants to write in response, then slips it into a drawer in the table in his entryway, right on top of the weeks and weeks worth of letters that came before.
Their letters go one for weeks, back and forth, talking about all sorts of things; their families, their days, their interests, a movie Junno saw on television, the color Koyama wants for a new, warmer comforter for winter, whether one has been wearing a scarf, whether the other is getting sick.
Fridays are the highlight of Koyama's week.
----
In the second week of December, Ohkura's portable stove-top breaks. He can buy a new one, and he will when the weekend rolls around and he feels like driving someplace, but he doesn't want to lug the new one on the train, so in the interim he decides he'll just eat out for dinner, since it's only a few nights.
There are a couple of places around where Ohkura could go, but it's easier just to go to the cafe where Koyama works because it's right down the street and he already knows there are things he likes on the menu. Since he's not concerned about it being easily portable for delivery, he thinks, maybe he will order one of their entrees that doesn't come in sandwich form. Besides, Koyama and maybe his friend Shige will be there to talk with and it's probably too cold for anyone else to want to be out if they don't have to be, so it'll be quiet.
He just sits down when he gets a text message from Junno asking where he is.
--I'm at the cafe. Why?
---I was dropping by to give you that stuff from my mom for your mom before I left for Nagoya. If I go home for the holiday and I still haven't given that stuff to you for her, my mom is going to flip. Can you meet me at your house?
--No, I just came from there and it's fucking cold. Bring it here.
Junno's reply takes five minutes, so Ohkura knows he's a little perturbed.
---Fine.
Ohkura sits at the counter next to Shige. He orders himself a tea and Koyama is already on his way over with it when Junno strides up and plops a bag full of tchotchkes on the counter.
"Send my regards to your parents for New Years'," he says and turns on his heel to head right back out.
"Friend of yours?" Shige asks with a grin just as Koyama is setting down the hot tea.
Ohkura answers, "More or less."
"Was that our mail man?" Koyama asks.
"Yes."
Koyama says,"Oh, right. I forgot you were friends with him."
Shige turns to Ohkura. "You should ask him what the penalty is for abusing the postal system."
"I'm sorry?" Ohkura asks, confused.
"Ignore him." Koyama waves a hand in dismissal. "I knew I shouldn't have said anything to you, Shige."
"Koyama has a creepy mail stalker."
"He is not creepy!" Koyama shrieks. "Ohkura, did I tell you that I replied to him?"
"No, you didn't."
"We've been sending letters back and forth for a while."
"Huh," Ohkura says non-commitally.
"Next," Shige put in, "he's going to tell you that this guy is dreamy." He bats his eyes mockingly.
Koyama looks bashful.
Ohkura has all the information he cares to. He changes the subject.
----
'Are you well? I'll be going to visit my parents in Nagoya for a couple of weeks, so don't reply to this. I will miss talking with you. I hope your holiday is nice. Spend it with people you love, okay?'
----
Koyama is concerned when he gets home that night to find a letter in his mailbox. It's not Friday.
"See you later," he calls over his shoulder to Ohkura who walked home with him, and rushes to his apartment, unwilling to read it in front of him.
He finishes the letter. It's too short. He stares at the mostly blank page.
"I can't," he whispers to himself. "You're going away."
----
For Christmas, Ohkura invites Koyama and Shige over for beers and movies, since he assumes none of them have dates but only Koyama shows up.
"Hey. Shige finally asked out some girl from his probability class. I hope you don't mind it's just me," Koyama says when Ohkura opens the door.
"No, man, that's fine. Come in."
Later they take a break from movie watching long enough for Ohkura to throw together some noodles. Koyama is sitting at the table staring at the grey winter sky through the noodle steam collecting on the balcony door.
"What's the matter?" Ohlura asks over his shoulder as he tosses the noodles in sesame and throws them on a hotplate to crisp up.
"Nothing. I was just thinking."
"About the magic of condensation?"
Koyama half-smiles. "No. About what's in Nagoya."
"Ah. My best friend is in Nagoya," Ohkura says before he realizes what he's saying. "I mean- why Nagoya?"
"Someone important to me is there right now. It still hasn't snowed here. Think it's snowing there?"
"I don't know," Ohkura answers. He wants to change the subject but he doesn't really know what to say. "You can Google it, though, if you want."
"No, no. It's fine."
"Good because these noodles are ready," he says and successfully avoids talking any more about this mystery important-to-Koyama person.
----
A couple of weeks later, Ohkura opens the door to another face entirely.
"Bad news, bro," Junno says, "While I was gone, apparently the apartment above mine had a leak."
"That is bad news," Ohkura agrees, letting him in, "But-"
"And it was conveniently located right so that it dripped directly into my apartment for two weeks unchecked. The super is ripping out their floor and my ceiling and replacing all of my flooring."
"So you need a place to stay."
"So I need a place to stay, yes."
Ohkura nods. "No problem. Make yourself at home."
Junno pulls his hat off of his head and drops his overnight bag on the floor. "Thanks, man. Because the water is turned off to our apartments and I really need a shower."
Junno obviously doesn't think that temporarily living downstairs from his. . .whatever Koyama was was a problem so he decides he doesn't think it's a problem either. That is, until Junno is in the shower and he hears another knock on the door.
He sighs to himself as he opens it up. "Hi, Koyama."
"Hey. I was making dinner and I realized I am out of black pepper. Do you have any?"
"Sure," he says and turns to head into the kitchen, leaving Koyama to come in and close the door himself. He rifles through his cabinets while Koyama stands at the kitchen table, waiting and fiddling with the green knit cap sitting there.
"Is this new?"
"Huh? Oh no. That's not mine. It's my friend's. He's staying with me for a bit. He's in the shower."
"Well, it's nice."
Ohkura wonders how his life ended up as a romantic comedy with himself as a side character. He finds the pepper and sends Koyama on his way.
----
'Are you well? I've missed you. I always loved writing to you, but your letters back mean so much more to me. Did you do anything great while I was gone? I visited a shrine by the place where I grew up and I was thinking about all the people who come and pray, hoping to find someone special in the new year. I'm sure everyone does at one point or another, but there is something about the new year that makes people notice loneliness more. I always hope, when I see those people, that they find their someone, don't you?'
----
I am well. I missed hearing from you too. I spent some time with friends. I know what you mean. Last year I saw a young man and a young woman both praying, not together, and I wondered what they were praying for. I like to make up stories for them. I like to imagine that they are both praying for someone to meet and then they'll meet each other. That would be beautiful. This year I didn't pray to find someone.
Koyama looks at his letter. Damn. He's written it in ink. He takes out a new sheet of paper and rewrites it, leaving off the last sentence. He's holding back, and he knows it; he'd rather not, but he's just not sure. He's sure of his feelings, all right, but he's not sure of the mystery man's.
He decides just to wait and see.
----
Ohkura heaves a heavy sigh when he opens his door to Koyama while Junno is sitting at his kitchen table. It was inevitable. He briefly contemplates walking past Koyama and out the door and leaving Junno to make his own awkward introduction to the upstairs neighbor, of whom he ostensibly has no knowledge. But instead he turns around and faces them both. After all, he's the only one for whom this is awkward.
"Koyama this is my friend Taguchi Junnosuke. Taguchi, Koyama Keiichirou, my upstairs neighbor."
Koyama smiles and half-bows a greeting. "Nice to meet you."
Junno fakes his "Nice to meet you" like a champ and Ohkura finds himself facing the sink to hide his eye rolling and wishing he could smack them both across the tops of their heads. But he's not that guy. He's just a dude, not a meddling dude or a matchmaking dude. Just a dude. And if both of his friends want to be morons, that's their business.
"What can I do for you, Koyama?" Ohkura asks.
"Oh, yeah. I was thinking of making this stew recipe for dinner but it's too much for one person. . ."
Which is how Koyama comes to spend most nights eating with them, or them with him. It is nice, Ohkura reasons, to be able to make things that you have to make for more than one serving at a time. Especially, since all of them are used to either getting take-out or cooking for one and, as Koyama helpfully puts in, 'we won't have the luxury of extra mouths to feed for very long.'
He doesn't like not having his own space to himself. Koyama often uses their lunchtime chats to catch Ohkura up on the progress of his letter-writing romance. When Koyama isn't there in the evening, Junno sometimes mentions not knowing what to write to Koyama now that they have met and they talk in 'real life'.
"Junno," Ohkura says, trying to keep the impatience out of his voice, "it's all real life."
"You know what I mean," Junno says, and drops the subject.
But when they are all together, things are great. Koyama and Junno get along well, Shige comes over occasionally and they all enjoy hanging out. Ohkura hasn't had as much fun hanging out with the guys since he left his high school friends behind in Osaka.
It's going to suck if things don't turn out well, he thinks. Best not to mess with it and kill it before its time.
----
'Are you well? I have to tell you, these letters are getting harder to write. The things I want to say to you are not things I know how to write.'
Junno crumples the paper he's writing on and tosses it in the trash. It's after his shift on a Thursday in January, and Ohkura and Koyama are both still at work. It's all real life, he reminds himself. He can just go and say the things he needs to say to Koyama, face-to-face. He puts his coat on and walks down to the cafe.
"Evening, Taguchi," he says as Junno sits at the counter of the mostly empty cafe.
"Hello, Koyama."
Koyama looks at him intently for a moment during which Junno does not hide his nerves very well. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Okay." Koyama smiles and puts on his listening face.
Junno clears his throat. "Listen, I-" He takes a moment to collect his scattered thoughts as Koyama looks at him with a sweet smile. "I, um, I think that it's a bad idea to keep secrets, especially if they are about important things and from important people, you know?"
"Mm-hmm." Koyama nods encouragingly.
He had come down here full of nervous energy, ready to confess everything to Koyama but suddenly all the wind had gone from his sails and now Junno realizes he doesn't think he can do it. Not confess everything, anyway. Maybe he can salvage the trip, though, he thinks. "So um. . ." he looks straight into Koyama's eyes when he says, "so I just wanted to say that I really like you and, uh. . . I was hoping maybe you'd get dinner with me sometime."
Junno's heart shuts down as he watches Koyama's open, smiling face do the same, closing off and glancing awkwardly to the side.
----
Koyama is embarrassed. Not because a handsome guy, whom he knows to be nice, personable, and funny is asking him out, although that has not happened in recent memory and he's a bit sad that he can't really enjoy it, but because he feels silly turning him down and he doesn't like doing it under these circumstances, since they have mutual friends and all. Still, he knows that he can't go out with Junno, no matter how great a guy he is.
"I'm sorry," he answers, "but I already have someone I like."
Junno says something mostly incoherent and leaves without ordering anything. Koyama can't blame him. He feels terrible.
The more he thinks about it, though, the more he thinks Junno is right. Keeping secrets isn't good for anybody. And Koyama is tired of waiting.
----
Junno is at a loss. He can't not send a letter, because Koyama will be expecting it, and even if Koyama isn't interested, he can't stand the idea of disappointing him.
'Are you well? Sometimes I wonder what I might do if I didn't have the job I currently have. I think I might want to be some kind of performer. What about you? What would your dream job be?'
----
It is the kind of quiet, exploratory letter they haven't sent to each other in a long time. They had long since progressed past these sorts of questions and into deeper discussions of things that really mean a lot to them. It is also shorter, somewhat more terse than usual.
But Koyama is so focused on what he wants to write this week regardless of what his mystery man says that he doesn't really notice these things.
Yes, I am well. I want to own a restaurant. I always have. I often like to try new recipes on my friends so I have a good menu before I start. A new friend of mine recently said something that really resonated with me. He said that we shouldn't keep secrets from people we care about. I want us to meet. Will you meet me?
----
"Shit, shit." Junno complains, "He wants to meet me. What do I say to that?"
Junno wasn't really asking him but Ohkura answers anyway. "I don't really know, man."
He decides to try and stave it off a while.
'Are you well? It's getting really cold, isn't it? I quite like this time of year, when everything seems frozen. It makes me wonder what kinds of things are hidden under the frost, waiting. I don't like waiting, but at the same time, it's hard knowing that when the spring comes, everything doesn't always pop up as you expect it to be. You never know what you're going to get. I don't want you to be disappointed.'
----
Ohkura takes a bite of ham and cheese, grilled and still toasty from the cafe as Koyama leans his elbows on Ohkura's till counter and laments.
"He doesn't want to meet me."
Ohkura nearly chokes. "What? What do you mean, did you ask him to meet?"
"Yeah." Koyama sighs.
"And he said no? What the hell's the matter with him?" Until now he had done his best to stay out of it, but now he's pissed off. After all this, he chickened out? This was bullshit.
Koyama tells Ohkura that he appreciates the sentiment and stays a minute or two longer before going back to work. Ohkura stomps home in what, if he were a high school girl, could probably be considered 'a snit' and he was even more pissed off when Junno wasn't there for him to call a dirtbag.
By the time he returns home an hour or so later, Ohkura's ire has cooled into cool, detached disdain.
"Hey," Junno says cheerily and tosses his bag into a corner. "Guess what I got."
"I don't care what you've got. If you're not careful, you're going to get my boot in your ass."
"What's your problem?"
Ohkura's eyes go wide and incredulous. "What's my problem?! What's your problem? You moved in here with your stupid crush and turned my apartment into awkward town, population three, and Koyama asks you to meet and you say no?!"
Junno rubs a hand over his eyes. "You don't know the whole story."
Ohkura scoffs and crosses his arms. "Do enlighten me."
"I asked him out, okay? I asked him out in person and he turned me down. I can't go tell him I wrote the letters now, it'll be all creepy." Junno stood there, still in his hat and coat, looking forlorn.
Ohkura pinched the bridge of his nose. "Did he say why?"
"Did he say why what?"
"Did he say why he was turning you down?"
"Yeah, he already likes someone else. So it wouldn't make much difference if I told him anyway. I should never have written the letters in the first place. I'm such a moron."
Ohkura rolled his eyes so hard he thought he might actually hurt himself. "Yeah, you are. You're the biggest moron on the damned planet. Sure he's interested in someone else. He's interested in you, you idiot. He turned you down because he's already in love with you." Ohkura devolved into a cantankerous mumble. "This is absolutely absurd. When did my life turn into a drama? A stupid romantic one at that. Why do I hang out with you people?"
----
Junno watches Ohkura grumbling angrily to himself for a minute while what he has just said sinks in. Then he grabs Ohkura by the shoulders.
"Are you sure?" Ohkura takes a second to think about it but Junno is, understandably, impatient. "Ohkura. Are you sure?"
"I was thinking. Yeah. I'm pretty sure."
Junno says nothing. He turns on his heel and walks out Ohkura's front door, doesn't even close it behind himself.
He takes the stairs two at a time and knocks without stopping to catch his breath or to think. When Koyama opens the door, the confession rushes forth, terrifying and unstoppable.
"I wrote them. The letters. . ."
----
For one second he thinks it might be a lie. Then, all at once several things run through Koyama's head; 'past me bought me a new green knit cap'. . . 'my best friend's in Nagoya'. . . and Junno is the mailman. He feels stupid, but way more than that, he feels Junno's chest pressed against his own as he grabs Junno's jacket lapels and pulls him close, their mouths meeting in a crash of nerves, relief, and long-stifled desire.
Koyama quickly snakes his arms up and around Junno's neck, letting every inch of himself stretch against Junno, pressing close, hoping to show Junno physically what he couldn't write when Junno was just an elegant hand on a piece of plain paper, that he had completely fallen in love with him.
He doesn't wait for Junno to come to him, impatiently running his tongue along the seam of Junno's lips, humming softly when they part and admit him entrance. He slides his tongue alongside Junno's and digs his fingers into the short, dark hairs at his nape.
"Junno," he whispers against the lips kissing him hungrily back, and just as easily as that, the carefully constructed wall of delicate, hand-written letters and anonymity is torn aside. "Junno," he says again, more familiar than he has ever been with him. He likes how it feels on his tongue. He likes how Junno's eyes close as he says it and the way Junno leans into the touch of his hand on the side of his face.
"Koyama, I-"
Koyama cuts him off, he's excited and he can't help himself rushing headlong into things. "Do you want me?"
Junno blinks. "What?"
"Do you want me? Say yes."
The breath shudders from Junno's lungs. "Oh god, yes."
Koyama grins, blindingly, and leads Junno to his bed. They cast off their clothes quickly, eager to come together again, feel skin against skin. Koyama gives Junno everything he can, responding feverishly, eagerly as Junno explores Koyama's planes and curves with lips and tongue. A stream of nonsense adulation falls from slack lips when Junno takes him in hand, and then into his mouth.
Koyama clutches the sheets and delves his fingers into Junno's hair, crying out, desperate for more. Junno claims his mouth with fierce, greedy kisses, sears him with hot, possessive hands, opens him with slick, deft fingers. Koyama urges him on with the undulation of his hips and soft, murmured affirmations, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Junno pauses, hovers above Koyama, poised and ready, breathing heavily and somehow still sounding unsure. "Koyama?"
Koyama is panting, so close to being entirely gone. His eyes are half closed and he pulls against the pleasure dragging them closed to look up into Junno's. "I don't know how I didn't realize it was you," he breathes. "Don't hold back anymore, okay?"
The scorching heat of Junno burying himself in Koyama ignites a fire in his veins that Junno stokes with every thrust. Sweat-slick skin against skin, Koyama can feel the tension of every movement in Junno's back. He wants to slide his hands down further, grip Junno's ass and make him do it harder, faster, but he can't reach so he settles for clutching Junno as close as he can and whispering those words throatily into his ear until finally the fire is too much and he lets it overtake him, lets Junno drive him right through it and out the other side to the place where every touch feels a hundred times more intense. He whimpers at Junno's tongue and teeth on his collarbone as he groans his climax into Koyama's skin.
He can't seem to catch his breath. He doesn't want to let go of Junno. He lets Junno take him along when he rolls over onto his back. He settles his cheek onto Junno's bony shoulder and just breathes him in a while.
----
Junno is a little surprised when he lifts a hand from Koyama's body and finds it isn't shaking. He presses kisses along Koyama's hairline and traces words along Koyama's back.
"What are you writing?" he whispers and Junno laughs at being found out so easily.
Junno's voice is raw. "I was writing 'I love you.'"
"Don't."
"Huh?"
"Don't write it."
Junno takes a deep breath. "I love you."
"I love you too."
----
Ohkura loves mostly having his space to himself again. He loves not having to watch what he says around his friends. He especially loves his new noise-canceling headphones.