How to Trick a Very Sexy Osaka Man or, Alternatively, Jin is a Whore
Title: How to Trick a Very Sexy Osaka Man or, Alternatively, Jin is a Whore
Pairings: Ryo/Jin…Akanishikido?!! Please don’t kill me Oh heck, everybody/Jin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Um…crack?
Warnings: A whole bunch of nonsense, vague mentions of sexual activity, and a Kame who hasn’t had sleep in a while.
Summary: Ryo doesn’t like slut!Jin. So he tries to keep everyone away, with very dubious results.
If there was one thing Akanishi Jin was, truly, deeply was- it was a flirt.
This was no secret; in fact, almost every boy who had ever been under Johnny’s agency had seen (or heard) sufficient evidence supporting it. However, despite Jin’s apparent whorishness, many still fell prey to his supposed “sexiness.” It was appalling how the boys were so easily manipulated by KAT-TUN’s resident idiot.
Now, Nishikido Ryo was not a boy. No, Ryo was a man. A sexy Osaka man. Which was probably why he hadn’t fallen under Jin’s spell. Ryo was a pro at resisting stupid, charming boys, and he laughed whenever he saw another one run to the bathroom just because the love of their lives had decided they were better off as friends. Especially when they did something totally ridiculous- in Ueda’s case, it was screaming out his anguish in third person.
But even Ryo himself had a limit. No matter how much fun it was seeing others flail and cry over Jin, Jin was steadily going through the JE population and was slowly but surely approaching the group Ryo dubbed his “friends,” never mind the fact that those same boys were also Jin’s friends.
Over these past few months, Ryo had taken to watching Jin like a hawk. He watched Jin flirt with Kame. He narrowed his eyes every time Yamapi and Jin ate lunch together. He disapproved when Jin went to karaoke with Takki. He even attempted to hog Jin all to himself in hopes of diverting the boy’s attention. For a while, Ryo thought that Jin was slowly getting over his playboy attitude was starting to grow up.
That thought stopped when he saw Tegoshi, the cute little kid whom Ryo had taken under his wing, the Tegoshi who in the past had successfully fended off Bakanishi’s advances, hand over a heart-shaped bento to Jin, head down to hide his blushing face.
Ryo had enough. It was time to get his hands dirty.
***
Ryo was smart, very smart indeed. So he came up with a plan- a very vague plan, but a plan nonetheless. He was pretty sure he can improvise if he needed to. What was clear, though, was his goal- keep Akanishi as humanly far away from any helpless susceptible victim (which was everyone, really) as possible.
It was time to set his plan into action. It was also time to buy new camouflage pants; where else was he going to hide but in the bushes?
***
Perhaps he wasn’t very smart at all, Ryo thought as he surveyed his current surroundings. Right now, he was inside a building, and there were no bushes to be found. He had forgotten that today was practice day for the more experienced groups.
Damn it! And camo pants weren’t that fashionable!
He pouted. He sulked. His moodiness was palpable; mostly everyone stayed out of his way except for one very stupid person who happened to have no compassionate bone in his quite bendy body.
“Ryo-chan!” Jin shouted, waving his hand annoyingly at his face. He batted the hand away.
“Idiot! Can’t you see I’m on a war path? I’m angry! Angry! You’re not supposed to talk to me! You’re supposed to cower in the corner!”
“Um.” Jin worried his lips, teeth biting down on tiny moles. Not that Ryo paid attention to Jin’s lips; they were just that prominent. “Do you want to play with sparklers?”
“Heck yes!” Ryo coughed. “I mean, yes, I would like to participate in this enjoyable endeavor you speak of.”
“Great! Me and Yabu and Hikaru are going to be outside in ten minutes, so maybe we can-”
“Wait, you and who?!” Ryo cried, starting to panic. Crap! Did Jin already move on to underage kids?! Stupid jailbaits… Think, Ryo, think! What would be the best way to get Jin to leave the little buggers alone?
“Uh, actually, I need to practice my dance moves…Since you’re soooo good at it, why don’t you help me?” Ryo smirked internally. The cat was in the bag! Jin was a sucker for complements, the arrogant idiot.
“Really?!” Jin’s eyes lit up, and he smiled widely. “Okay! So where should we practice? Here? It’s wide enough, right?”
Ryo surveyed the room, flinching. It was packed with people, and he definitely didn’t want to embarrass himself and let others think that he’d stoop so low as to ask for help. No, what they needed was a private room, a secluded room…
“Why don’t we go to The Room?”
Jin gasped. “The Room? Are you sure? You know what that room is for, right?”
Ryo nodded. “Let’s go!” He grabbed Jin’s hand and ran, hoping that all the people would see was a green blur tinged with silver and black. Finally, they stopped in front of a door painted red and adorned with black skulls.
“Ryo-chan, wait a minute…”
“Shut up!” Determined, Ryo banged the door open, pulling Jin forcefully toward The Room.
He then promptly stopped, causing Jin to collide against his back.
“Ah, I wanted to tell you…We’ve taken over this room for a while now, sorry.” Jin said.
Ryo turned to stare at him. After a few seconds, Jin averted his gaze and shuffled his shoes.
Ryo turned back to stare at the rest of KAT-TUN, who were squeezed into a small couch situated in front of a TV. They sat with bated breaths, waiting for the inevitable explosion.
And waited.
Finally, Ryo sighed heavily.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?! THIS ROOM IS FOR MAKING OUT! WHAT?! ARE YOU ALL MAKING OUT WITH EACH OTHER? WHAT’S WITH THE FREAKING TV? YOU MUST HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO LIFE TO WASTE YOUR LIFE AWAY STARING AT SUCH A TINY SCREEN! NO WONDER YOUR SALES ARE DWINDLING, YOU BUNCH OF LAZY, IGNORANT LOSERS!”
They stared at Ryo, eyes wide.
“EH?!” Kame exclaimed, pointing at Ryo and Jin. “What about you two? Are you here to make out? You’re even holding hands!” His eyes started watering. “Jin! I’m still in love with you!” He crawled toward Jin and clutched his leg. “I’m heeeeeere! Love me!”
Jin glanced down at Kame and patted his head. “Aw, how cute. Why don’t you get me some watermelon, hmm? I’ll let you pretend you’re stronger and let you ravish me later, does that sound good?”
Kame nodded happily and trotted out of the room. “Good boy!” Jin smiled at his retreating back.
Nakamaru shook his head and leaned in toward Koki. “Poor kid.” He shook his head, whispering. “Kame hasn’t slept in two weeks, and he’s getting desperate. His motor functions and reasoning abilities are going downhill…Oh well.”
“So,” Ueda said, glaring (inconspicuously!) at Ryo, “What did you come here for?”
“Ah, well, you see…” Ryo stalled while glancing around the room, noting the posters of other JE boys decorated with red hearts and pink sparkles, “I wanted Jin-”
“Aha! I knew it!” Kame burst into the room, clutching a container of watermelon slices. “You think you can steal him from me? Well, you can’t! Because I’m going to tell Yamapi, and he’s going to stop you!” Putting the container down, Kame ran back out.
Shaking his head, Ryo began again, “As I was saying, I wanted Jin to help me with my dance moves.”
“But Jin doesn’t know Kanjani8’s or even NeWs’ dance moves.” Junno said in a small voice.
“That’s because…um…Jin is helping me with myyyy-” Ryo thought hard. What dance moves did Jin know that could possibly coincide with Ryo’s? “Solo! That’s it! That’s right, my super ero ero solo!” Ryo exclaimed proudly.
“Eh?! Eh, really?” Jin looked up from the floor, where he sat cross-legged eating watermelon from Kame’s abandoned container.
Weird, Ryo thought, he was beginning to feel quite uneasy about the whole situation. Was he getting himself into something troublesome? Nah, he laughed at himself for being so paranoid. He was immune to Jin! He was much, much sexier and smarter and cooler and overall more awesome than Jin, so what did he have to worry about?
“Okay!” Jin shouted, clapping his hands and getting to his feet. “First of all, let’s see what you can do. Why don’t you start your solo routine, Ryo-chan?”
Ryo, begrudgingly and half-heartedly, began to dance while Jin and T-TUN watched. After a few minutes, he stopped and just looked at them with a bored expression on his face.
“Ah, I see~” Jin said, walking over and standing next to him, waving a slice of watermelon around. “You need to dance like you’re the sexiest person in the world!”
“But I already am the sexie-”
“Shhh!” Jin placed a finger on his lips. “Also, you need to learn how to shake and thrust your hips properly. It’s a process that involves the whole body, not just your hip bones! Here,” he turned around, “Put your hands on my hips and watch.”
Pressing his back side against Ryo, he began his patented ero ero dance. And since it was a performance guaranteed to turn people (young, old, male, female, Koki) on, Ryo couldn’t help but feel…something. NO! He shook his head violently and willed the…feeling away. There was no possible way he was turned on by an idiot! No freaking way! He started hyperventilating.
Jin turned around and hooked his arms behind Ryo’s neck. “Hey, Ryo-chan, are you okay?” he asked, furrowing his brows. “You’re breathing kinda fast, and something’s poking me in the leg…” he glanced down, eyes widening. If there was any better time for Ryo to die of shame, it would be right now. But since he was paralyzed with shock, he couldn’t really do anything.
“Ryo-chan~” Jin moved closer to him and giggled into his ear. “I never knew you felt that way about me!” He bit the watermelon and chewed thoughtfully. “You can kiss me if you want…”
Ryo never really figured out what possessed him to grab Bakanishi into a bruising kiss, but the kiss, his mind hazily thought, was quite good. It became even better when Jin opened his mouth and unleashed a gush of watermelon juice. It was so good, in fact, that it was probably number one on Ryo’s list of best kisses ever. It was just that refreshing. He had to admit, Jin was pretty sexy. And cute. And adorably dorky and stupid and giggly that it made Ryo squee every time Jin laughed.
Wait. Ryo kissed Jin?
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Ryo screamed. He pushed Jin away, breathing heavily.
He clutched his left arm. “I think I’m having a heart attack…” He said faintly, then collapsed on the floor.
***
Later on, it was said that Jin was witnessed visiting Ryo in the hospital. It was also said that Ryo, somehow, managed to make Jin his faithful sex slave forever and ever.
How, one may wonder? When asked, Ryo would just smirk evilly and mutter something about weak collarbones and high-pitched screams.
It should be noted that Ryo bought forty acres worth of watermelon patches, not to mention a gallon of lube and one atrocious leather outfit, complete with a collar and a dog tag. He also purchased a frilly pink apron and ingredients for curry.
On the night of July fourth, Ryo finally found out just why Kame (and Pi…and other boys…and a ton of girls) was obsessed with Jin. It was, as most people would suspect, all because of Jin’s hips and tongue.
That same night, Jin sent a text message to Takki, writing “Mission accomplished!” followed by three hearts and a smiley face.
Ryo never found out. He was too busy looking for new places for them to have naughty, kinky sex at.
~End~
A/N: Yey for a fic that was written during the wee hours of the day! This pairing wasn’t supposed to make sense, but judging by their closeness, it now actually kinda does! This plot was born after I read that Jin liked to bottom (he said he’d probably take on the role of a nagging wife or something) and Ryo said that Jin would smile coyly (like a housewife!) at him despite the fact that Jin’s taller…or that may have been my imagination. I don’t know. To everyone whose OTP has been raped by this pairing, I’m sorry. This was done all in good fun. =)
Pairings: Ryo/Jin…Akanishikido?!! Please don’t kill me Oh heck, everybody/Jin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Um…crack?
Warnings: A whole bunch of nonsense, vague mentions of sexual activity, and a Kame who hasn’t had sleep in a while.
Summary: Ryo doesn’t like slut!Jin. So he tries to keep everyone away, with very dubious results.
If there was one thing Akanishi Jin was, truly, deeply was- it was a flirt.
This was no secret; in fact, almost every boy who had ever been under Johnny’s agency had seen (or heard) sufficient evidence supporting it. However, despite Jin’s apparent whorishness, many still fell prey to his supposed “sexiness.” It was appalling how the boys were so easily manipulated by KAT-TUN’s resident idiot.
Now, Nishikido Ryo was not a boy. No, Ryo was a man. A sexy Osaka man. Which was probably why he hadn’t fallen under Jin’s spell. Ryo was a pro at resisting stupid, charming boys, and he laughed whenever he saw another one run to the bathroom just because the love of their lives had decided they were better off as friends. Especially when they did something totally ridiculous- in Ueda’s case, it was screaming out his anguish in third person.
But even Ryo himself had a limit. No matter how much fun it was seeing others flail and cry over Jin, Jin was steadily going through the JE population and was slowly but surely approaching the group Ryo dubbed his “friends,” never mind the fact that those same boys were also Jin’s friends.
Over these past few months, Ryo had taken to watching Jin like a hawk. He watched Jin flirt with Kame. He narrowed his eyes every time Yamapi and Jin ate lunch together. He disapproved when Jin went to karaoke with Takki. He even attempted to hog Jin all to himself in hopes of diverting the boy’s attention. For a while, Ryo thought that Jin was slowly getting over his playboy attitude was starting to grow up.
That thought stopped when he saw Tegoshi, the cute little kid whom Ryo had taken under his wing, the Tegoshi who in the past had successfully fended off Bakanishi’s advances, hand over a heart-shaped bento to Jin, head down to hide his blushing face.
Ryo had enough. It was time to get his hands dirty.
***
Ryo was smart, very smart indeed. So he came up with a plan- a very vague plan, but a plan nonetheless. He was pretty sure he can improvise if he needed to. What was clear, though, was his goal- keep Akanishi as humanly far away from any helpless susceptible victim (which was everyone, really) as possible.
It was time to set his plan into action. It was also time to buy new camouflage pants; where else was he going to hide but in the bushes?
***
Perhaps he wasn’t very smart at all, Ryo thought as he surveyed his current surroundings. Right now, he was inside a building, and there were no bushes to be found. He had forgotten that today was practice day for the more experienced groups.
Damn it! And camo pants weren’t that fashionable!
He pouted. He sulked. His moodiness was palpable; mostly everyone stayed out of his way except for one very stupid person who happened to have no compassionate bone in his quite bendy body.
“Ryo-chan!” Jin shouted, waving his hand annoyingly at his face. He batted the hand away.
“Idiot! Can’t you see I’m on a war path? I’m angry! Angry! You’re not supposed to talk to me! You’re supposed to cower in the corner!”
“Um.” Jin worried his lips, teeth biting down on tiny moles. Not that Ryo paid attention to Jin’s lips; they were just that prominent. “Do you want to play with sparklers?”
“Heck yes!” Ryo coughed. “I mean, yes, I would like to participate in this enjoyable endeavor you speak of.”
“Great! Me and Yabu and Hikaru are going to be outside in ten minutes, so maybe we can-”
“Wait, you and who?!” Ryo cried, starting to panic. Crap! Did Jin already move on to underage kids?! Stupid jailbaits… Think, Ryo, think! What would be the best way to get Jin to leave the little buggers alone?
“Uh, actually, I need to practice my dance moves…Since you’re soooo good at it, why don’t you help me?” Ryo smirked internally. The cat was in the bag! Jin was a sucker for complements, the arrogant idiot.
“Really?!” Jin’s eyes lit up, and he smiled widely. “Okay! So where should we practice? Here? It’s wide enough, right?”
Ryo surveyed the room, flinching. It was packed with people, and he definitely didn’t want to embarrass himself and let others think that he’d stoop so low as to ask for help. No, what they needed was a private room, a secluded room…
“Why don’t we go to The Room?”
Jin gasped. “The Room? Are you sure? You know what that room is for, right?”
Ryo nodded. “Let’s go!” He grabbed Jin’s hand and ran, hoping that all the people would see was a green blur tinged with silver and black. Finally, they stopped in front of a door painted red and adorned with black skulls.
“Ryo-chan, wait a minute…”
“Shut up!” Determined, Ryo banged the door open, pulling Jin forcefully toward The Room.
He then promptly stopped, causing Jin to collide against his back.
“Ah, I wanted to tell you…We’ve taken over this room for a while now, sorry.” Jin said.
Ryo turned to stare at him. After a few seconds, Jin averted his gaze and shuffled his shoes.
Ryo turned back to stare at the rest of KAT-TUN, who were squeezed into a small couch situated in front of a TV. They sat with bated breaths, waiting for the inevitable explosion.
And waited.
Finally, Ryo sighed heavily.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?! THIS ROOM IS FOR MAKING OUT! WHAT?! ARE YOU ALL MAKING OUT WITH EACH OTHER? WHAT’S WITH THE FREAKING TV? YOU MUST HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO LIFE TO WASTE YOUR LIFE AWAY STARING AT SUCH A TINY SCREEN! NO WONDER YOUR SALES ARE DWINDLING, YOU BUNCH OF LAZY, IGNORANT LOSERS!”
They stared at Ryo, eyes wide.
“EH?!” Kame exclaimed, pointing at Ryo and Jin. “What about you two? Are you here to make out? You’re even holding hands!” His eyes started watering. “Jin! I’m still in love with you!” He crawled toward Jin and clutched his leg. “I’m heeeeeere! Love me!”
Jin glanced down at Kame and patted his head. “Aw, how cute. Why don’t you get me some watermelon, hmm? I’ll let you pretend you’re stronger and let you ravish me later, does that sound good?”
Kame nodded happily and trotted out of the room. “Good boy!” Jin smiled at his retreating back.
Nakamaru shook his head and leaned in toward Koki. “Poor kid.” He shook his head, whispering. “Kame hasn’t slept in two weeks, and he’s getting desperate. His motor functions and reasoning abilities are going downhill…Oh well.”
“So,” Ueda said, glaring (inconspicuously!) at Ryo, “What did you come here for?”
“Ah, well, you see…” Ryo stalled while glancing around the room, noting the posters of other JE boys decorated with red hearts and pink sparkles, “I wanted Jin-”
“Aha! I knew it!” Kame burst into the room, clutching a container of watermelon slices. “You think you can steal him from me? Well, you can’t! Because I’m going to tell Yamapi, and he’s going to stop you!” Putting the container down, Kame ran back out.
Shaking his head, Ryo began again, “As I was saying, I wanted Jin to help me with my dance moves.”
“But Jin doesn’t know Kanjani8’s or even NeWs’ dance moves.” Junno said in a small voice.
“That’s because…um…Jin is helping me with myyyy-” Ryo thought hard. What dance moves did Jin know that could possibly coincide with Ryo’s? “Solo! That’s it! That’s right, my super ero ero solo!” Ryo exclaimed proudly.
“Eh?! Eh, really?” Jin looked up from the floor, where he sat cross-legged eating watermelon from Kame’s abandoned container.
Weird, Ryo thought, he was beginning to feel quite uneasy about the whole situation. Was he getting himself into something troublesome? Nah, he laughed at himself for being so paranoid. He was immune to Jin! He was much, much sexier and smarter and cooler and overall more awesome than Jin, so what did he have to worry about?
“Okay!” Jin shouted, clapping his hands and getting to his feet. “First of all, let’s see what you can do. Why don’t you start your solo routine, Ryo-chan?”
Ryo, begrudgingly and half-heartedly, began to dance while Jin and T-TUN watched. After a few minutes, he stopped and just looked at them with a bored expression on his face.
“Ah, I see~” Jin said, walking over and standing next to him, waving a slice of watermelon around. “You need to dance like you’re the sexiest person in the world!”
“But I already am the sexie-”
“Shhh!” Jin placed a finger on his lips. “Also, you need to learn how to shake and thrust your hips properly. It’s a process that involves the whole body, not just your hip bones! Here,” he turned around, “Put your hands on my hips and watch.”
Pressing his back side against Ryo, he began his patented ero ero dance. And since it was a performance guaranteed to turn people (young, old, male, female, Koki) on, Ryo couldn’t help but feel…something. NO! He shook his head violently and willed the…feeling away. There was no possible way he was turned on by an idiot! No freaking way! He started hyperventilating.
Jin turned around and hooked his arms behind Ryo’s neck. “Hey, Ryo-chan, are you okay?” he asked, furrowing his brows. “You’re breathing kinda fast, and something’s poking me in the leg…” he glanced down, eyes widening. If there was any better time for Ryo to die of shame, it would be right now. But since he was paralyzed with shock, he couldn’t really do anything.
“Ryo-chan~” Jin moved closer to him and giggled into his ear. “I never knew you felt that way about me!” He bit the watermelon and chewed thoughtfully. “You can kiss me if you want…”
Ryo never really figured out what possessed him to grab Bakanishi into a bruising kiss, but the kiss, his mind hazily thought, was quite good. It became even better when Jin opened his mouth and unleashed a gush of watermelon juice. It was so good, in fact, that it was probably number one on Ryo’s list of best kisses ever. It was just that refreshing. He had to admit, Jin was pretty sexy. And cute. And adorably dorky and stupid and giggly that it made Ryo squee every time Jin laughed.
Wait. Ryo kissed Jin?
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Ryo screamed. He pushed Jin away, breathing heavily.
He clutched his left arm. “I think I’m having a heart attack…” He said faintly, then collapsed on the floor.
***
Later on, it was said that Jin was witnessed visiting Ryo in the hospital. It was also said that Ryo, somehow, managed to make Jin his faithful sex slave forever and ever.
How, one may wonder? When asked, Ryo would just smirk evilly and mutter something about weak collarbones and high-pitched screams.
It should be noted that Ryo bought forty acres worth of watermelon patches, not to mention a gallon of lube and one atrocious leather outfit, complete with a collar and a dog tag. He also purchased a frilly pink apron and ingredients for curry.
On the night of July fourth, Ryo finally found out just why Kame (and Pi…and other boys…and a ton of girls) was obsessed with Jin. It was, as most people would suspect, all because of Jin’s hips and tongue.
That same night, Jin sent a text message to Takki, writing “Mission accomplished!” followed by three hearts and a smiley face.
Ryo never found out. He was too busy looking for new places for them to have naughty, kinky sex at.
~End~
A/N: Yey for a fic that was written during the wee hours of the day! This pairing wasn’t supposed to make sense, but judging by their closeness, it now actually kinda does! This plot was born after I read that Jin liked to bottom (he said he’d probably take on the role of a nagging wife or something) and Ryo said that Jin would smile coyly (like a housewife!) at him despite the fact that Jin’s taller…or that may have been my imagination. I don’t know. To everyone whose OTP has been raped by this pairing, I’m sorry. This was done all in good fun. =)