My First Drabble!!!

[jenni_cn]

Hi everyone! Merry Christmas! I am finally getting the guts up to share a little drabble idea that came to me last week. I figured I should jump on the opportunity to give something back, since I devour everyone else's  offerings  so greedily! Hope you enjoy, and please keep in mind I'm by no means an author or even someone who did well in english

Comments

[scarlett71177]

Lovely use of language and description.

Well done!

[jenni_cn]

Thank you!!

[alliedaisy]

Wow I say run with this and make it either a one shot or a PWP! ;-) I agree with the person above me. Your discriptions are wonderful, Jenni! I used to love that song! I might have to find it on one of my meny mixed cd's I have.

[jenni_cn]

Thanks, Allie!!

You know, I have always thought Chris Cornell has the best voice around, so I love all of his music. I wish he'd do a greatest hits thing. LOL

*hugs*

[vnfan]

Your first? Definitely keep it up! Starting with drabbles is a good way to start and stretch yourself.

[jenni_cn]

Oh thanks, Kim!

You know, I would love to get some constructive feedback if you have a minute. I'm always one who appreciates help and likes to improve. :)

[bratanimus]

Oh, sweetie, this is FANTASTIC. I mean it. If this is your first drabble, then I can't wait to see your next one, and the next, and the next ... No pressure, though, lol!

Seriously, I loved it. I love the idea of the sun being a jailer to him, stealing time, allowing other boys their chance and driving him mad with jealousy and longing. And how beautiful that it's something as life-sustaining as the sun that does this to him, pointing up his other-ness, his utter non-human-ness. And yet he still wants ...

You use beautiful language, impeccably written without being maudlin; it suits Edward to a tee. I particularly loved this line: each passing tick of the second hand taunting him with its tempo, reminding him exactly how much longer he had to wait until he could see her again. Until the clouds returned. The clouds - usually a harbinger of darkness and doom - are Edward's lifeline. And the precision of the language, and of Edward's counting - illustrate his personality so well.

Just lovely. Thank you for this. :)

[jenni_cn]

Holy cow!!! Really? Oh Lauren! Thank you sooo much for your kind words. (I'm almost embarrassed!)You are too nice.

*pounces with hugs*

Gosh, you really know how to make a girl feel good. I mean, really. That was so nice to hear. *blushes* Honestly, all the words here just started flowing through my head the other day while I was in the shower. I knew if I didn't get out and write them down right away that I wouldn't remember half of it later on. LOL So that means I'd be hard pressed to come up with something like that again. It was like divine intervention or something.*laughs* But seriously, I'm so honored to hear you say those nice things, because you are the ultimate writer, hands down!

I loved this part of your reply:

"The clouds - usually a harbinger of darkness and doom - are Edward's lifeline"That's such a great point! Yes, it's all backwards for him!! I was envisioning that part in the movie where all the kids were outside on that sunny day, basking and playing while he was in hiding. It's sad that he's so powerful,

[javidan]

Bravo!
*claps loudly*

I just love when the creativity bug bites---makes good things happen!

How's your next one coming along? 'Cuz now you have to keep writing! ;)

[jenni_cn]

Yikes!!!

*gulp*

I uh...well, um......