4357: Hopes Up
Started this yesterday, somehow didn't post it. Took forever just to write this much so just posting as is w/o further edits:
So Falco nonmaliciously got my hopes up today, despite my suspicious observational nature [i.e., "don't believe everything people tell you" + putting 2+2 together]--something I phrase specifically because I know know know she wants me on because I [not a gloat] am SO MUCH BETTER than anyone else who has come through [caveat: at entry level] and will prolly DIE WITH DEATH if I leave.
Translation: She so desperately is convinced of her impending fatality if I decide I can't do this anymore and/or have a superior job offer elsewhere that, unprompted with a specific number, she wanted to offer me nearly TWICE the salary I would have ever DARED to imagine ever demanding D= [well, 1.5-1.75 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN]
...but...
BUT
but.
Schreibertooth [who she needs to go through to approve a hire] is not convinced I am so necessary as to merit conversion to employee status.
Granted, this last bit is what I gleaned from the horrible Outlook new mail pop-up* that came up shortly after she passed the idea by him [also by e-mail 'cause he hasn't tended to be around more than three days a week], the first line of which went something likeCool, but this is not what we're planning to do at this time...[trailing ellipsis which may or may not have designated additional text]
=/
Mind, the options she ran past me was the OH DARE I BELIEVED permanent job offer and Door #2, "a couple extra dollars" onto the contract I already have, the latter of which she claimed to be working on in either event. Door #1 wasn't specifically what she ran past Schreibertooth, but the employeeness is what he shot down w/o any mention of salary... which somewhat confirms my suspicion that he doesn't think I'll be around long enough [and is primarily disappointing because 1. I know from a slip-up at Caketown just HOW MUCH the temp agency is skimming off the top of what they invoice and 2. I'm really damn sick of having to fill out two timesheets every week].
*I was not snooping, mind you. Since she desperately wants me helping out more than just scanning the crap that was originally all I was supposed to be doing, she's currently training me on HR stuff, which means looking over her shoulder for a coupla days [turning into "for the foreseeable future"]. It came up on her screen when she was looking elsewhere, and I couldn't help seeing it. Which is why I disable that shit when I have to set up my account X/
SO. Still feel like I'm stuck in this "barely collecting minimum wage after taxes" state, which is no way to live once we have to move out and pay exorbitant rent again [the best thing about renting from "family" is they didn't want to raise our rent lest we move out too soon]. I did explain this to Falco when pressed over contributing [more] to all the charity shit, which is what prompted the discussion in the first place, but... it feels like at best I kinda know where I stand and will either have to decide that this is enough [ehh...] or how to climb the ladder, even if that ladder goes elsewhere.
I just need to know if my current skillset is transferrable or if I have to tough it out for a while until I get something resumé-worthy =/
But then, this is all shit I'm used to putting up with, anyway, so I'm not really sure why it's a surprise at all. I've so regularly dealt with "Why?" as an answer to anything I propose that I'm pre-emptively defensive over anything I might propose. Like when [I don't remember what I'd been calling him if anything, but the main I.T. person] Guru asked, "Why?" in response to a request of Falco's she wanted me to make on her behalf, it felt like he was really saying, "You don't need that."
So when Falco proposes taking me on as an employee, in my mind I hear Schreibertooth saying, "You don't need to do that. Peanuts for scanning is fine." Like there's no reason for me to ever do anything else for them, even were I to magically get a business AND engineering degree tomorrow -_-
It may just be she needs to talk to him--or "strong-arm" him, as Sammo Hung* phrased it--but for now I really don't see Schreibertooth as being on my side. Cake Boss was cool, 'cause Pointy-Haired Boss told him they needed to hire me, and he said, "If you believe we need Julie, you can have Julie." To be fair, yes, TWO COMPANIES collapsed under Schreibertooth's watch, so I see where he might be conservative about hiring willy-nilly, but... COME ON. Even a modest mark-up ["a couple of dollars"] plus standard benefits is still cheaper than my contract, surely! I'd like to see this budget concept of his that including a middleman is more cost effective! Unless they put a huge buy-out embargo on me like they did for Caketown, but without even considering what that cost would be? |=/
*I need a whole other post to go on about Sammo Hung. ZOMG what the hell is he smoking XD
...anyway, not feeling it anymore. I was keeping my expectations low, but somehow they got lower anyway =( YES I realize I could definitely be worse off, but... ugh. I took the shit pay just because shit pay was better than no pay, but now it feels like spinning wheels to go nowhere when maybe I should just turn off the engine. I dunno, tho-- I'm not gonna jump ship until conditions are more critical, particularly since my car payments are almost done, so that'll have a significant impact on my monthly spending.
So Falco nonmaliciously got my hopes up today, despite my suspicious observational nature [i.e., "don't believe everything people tell you" + putting 2+2 together]--something I phrase specifically because I know know know she wants me on because I [not a gloat] am SO MUCH BETTER than anyone else who has come through [caveat: at entry level] and will prolly DIE WITH DEATH if I leave.
Translation: She so desperately is convinced of her impending fatality if I decide I can't do this anymore and/or have a superior job offer elsewhere that, unprompted with a specific number, she wanted to offer me nearly TWICE the salary I would have ever DARED to imagine ever demanding D= [well, 1.5-1.75 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN]
...but...
BUT
but.
Schreibertooth [who she needs to go through to approve a hire] is not convinced I am so necessary as to merit conversion to employee status.
Granted, this last bit is what I gleaned from the horrible Outlook new mail pop-up* that came up shortly after she passed the idea by him [also by e-mail 'cause he hasn't tended to be around more than three days a week], the first line of which went something likeCool, but this is not what we're planning to do at this time...[trailing ellipsis which may or may not have designated additional text]
=/
Mind, the options she ran past me was the OH DARE I BELIEVED permanent job offer and Door #2, "a couple extra dollars" onto the contract I already have, the latter of which she claimed to be working on in either event. Door #1 wasn't specifically what she ran past Schreibertooth, but the employeeness is what he shot down w/o any mention of salary... which somewhat confirms my suspicion that he doesn't think I'll be around long enough [and is primarily disappointing because 1. I know from a slip-up at Caketown just HOW MUCH the temp agency is skimming off the top of what they invoice and 2. I'm really damn sick of having to fill out two timesheets every week].
*I was not snooping, mind you. Since she desperately wants me helping out more than just scanning the crap that was originally all I was supposed to be doing, she's currently training me on HR stuff, which means looking over her shoulder for a coupla days [turning into "for the foreseeable future"]. It came up on her screen when she was looking elsewhere, and I couldn't help seeing it. Which is why I disable that shit when I have to set up my account X/
SO. Still feel like I'm stuck in this "barely collecting minimum wage after taxes" state, which is no way to live once we have to move out and pay exorbitant rent again [the best thing about renting from "family" is they didn't want to raise our rent lest we move out too soon]. I did explain this to Falco when pressed over contributing [more] to all the charity shit, which is what prompted the discussion in the first place, but... it feels like at best I kinda know where I stand and will either have to decide that this is enough [ehh...] or how to climb the ladder, even if that ladder goes elsewhere.
I just need to know if my current skillset is transferrable or if I have to tough it out for a while until I get something resumé-worthy =/
But then, this is all shit I'm used to putting up with, anyway, so I'm not really sure why it's a surprise at all. I've so regularly dealt with "Why?" as an answer to anything I propose that I'm pre-emptively defensive over anything I might propose. Like when [I don't remember what I'd been calling him if anything, but the main I.T. person] Guru asked, "Why?" in response to a request of Falco's she wanted me to make on her behalf, it felt like he was really saying, "You don't need that."
So when Falco proposes taking me on as an employee, in my mind I hear Schreibertooth saying, "You don't need to do that. Peanuts for scanning is fine." Like there's no reason for me to ever do anything else for them, even were I to magically get a business AND engineering degree tomorrow -_-
It may just be she needs to talk to him--or "strong-arm" him, as Sammo Hung* phrased it--but for now I really don't see Schreibertooth as being on my side. Cake Boss was cool, 'cause Pointy-Haired Boss told him they needed to hire me, and he said, "If you believe we need Julie, you can have Julie." To be fair, yes, TWO COMPANIES collapsed under Schreibertooth's watch, so I see where he might be conservative about hiring willy-nilly, but... COME ON. Even a modest mark-up ["a couple of dollars"] plus standard benefits is still cheaper than my contract, surely! I'd like to see this budget concept of his that including a middleman is more cost effective! Unless they put a huge buy-out embargo on me like they did for Caketown, but without even considering what that cost would be? |=/
*I need a whole other post to go on about Sammo Hung. ZOMG what the hell is he smoking XD
...anyway, not feeling it anymore. I was keeping my expectations low, but somehow they got lower anyway =( YES I realize I could definitely be worse off, but... ugh. I took the shit pay just because shit pay was better than no pay, but now it feels like spinning wheels to go nowhere when maybe I should just turn off the engine. I dunno, tho-- I'm not gonna jump ship until conditions are more critical, particularly since my car payments are almost done, so that'll have a significant impact on my monthly spending.