Fatherhood
Title: Fatherhood
Rating: K
Characters:Charlie/Michael. Mentions of Walt, Claire and Aaron
Summary: Charlie and Michael talk about Fatherhood and whether they’re good parents.
Thanks to
lostwitoutdom for being a beta =D For
charliepacefic challenge #2
“Hey Michael,” Charlie called, a bawling little infant in his arms as he approached the caves where Michael Dawson was standing, “Have you seen Claire?”
Michael, looking a little distracted, shook his head, “Er…no, man. No,” he looked around him briefly before turning to face Charlie properly, “You seen Walt?”
“Walt? Sorry, no,” Charlie replied regretfully, “He’s probably exploring. Kids like to do that, right?”
“I guess,” Michael replied with a short sigh before sitting himself down lazily on a nearby rock.
Charlie joined him, rocking Claire’s baby gently but the little boy’s crying would not cease.
“Oh bugger. Michael, you’re…you’re a dad. How can I get this little one to quieten down? Anymore of this and I’ll be the one to get Postnatal Depression!”
Not even a smile cracked from the other man’s lips. Instead, he glanced over and shrugged,
“I’m sorry, I don’t know.”
“Oh, okay,” Charlie replied slowly, “I just thought you’d have some experience. You know, from Walt.”
Another sigh, “Sorry. No experience here.”
Charlie wrinkled his nose in confusion. Michael saw his perplexed expression, then debated whether to reveal his vexing secret.
“Look, man,” Michael began, finally deciding to tell the truth about his troubled past, “Before this flight, I hadn’t seen my son since he was a tiny little baby! I missed out on everything while he was growing up. Everything.”
Charlie sat open mouthed. Suddenly he felt horribly guilty, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
Michael frowned, feeling a slight pang of guilt himself, “Don’t be sorry. You weren’t to know.”
Charlie looked down at Turnip Head for a moment. The child cried and nuzzled in to his blankets as Charlie contemplated over Michael’s situation, “Well, you seem to be doing alright. I mean, you could’ve fooled me. You seem to really care about him, you’d do anything to protect him. You love him more than anything, right?” Charlie smiled slightly, then turned his attention to the baby he had sniffling in his arms “That’s the kind of dad I want to be.”
Michael looked down at his shoes a moment, “Thanks,” he smiled, finally glancing back up. “It means a lot. I always thought I was a horrible father. Walt, he argues with me, contradicts me. I wasn’t there for him when he needed me.”
“Well you are now, aren’t you? God knows kids can be a hassle. Listen to this one here!” Charlie told Michael, indicating to the whining newborn cradled in his arms, “That’s the way it is sometimes. I don’t know much about you but I can tell you’re trying your hardest to be a good dad to that kid.”
Michael grinned, gratefully, “Thanks man.”
Charlie nodded. No problem.
After a small silence, Charlie spoke again as the baby at last began to calm, “It feels like, ever since Claire had this baby, I’ve been playing the father to this kid. You know, we’ve quickly become a family. Like we just fell in to these roles.”
“Isn’t that what you want?”
Charlie mused to himself for a moment, “Yeah, yeah it’s exactly what I want. It’s just,” another pause as he glanced quickly at the child, “I’m terrified that I’m gonna mess things up. What if this baby becomes the Anti-Christ because of me?”
Michael held in a small laugh, “I felt the same way. But when Walt got taken away from me I felt disappointed that I wouldn’t have any affect on his life. Being a parent is like being a teacher. You have minds to mould and influence. And yeah, it was damn scary at first but once that opportunity is taken away from you, you’d give anything to get it back.”
Charlie stared, absorbing Michael’s words. Maybe he was right. Maybe he should stop being afraid of messing things up and start concentrating on being a good role model. He was already starting a new life. No drugs, no flings, no fame. Wasn’t he ready for this?
Charlie took a moment, then smiled again, “Thanks. You’re right.”
Perhaps being a father didn’t have to be so scary and intimidating. It was something to be enjoyed and treasured. Being a parent was a gift, not a burden. Wasn’t that how it was supposed to be?
~~
Charlie saw him along the beach with Vincent after he had paid his respects to Ana-Lucia and Libby, two tragic losses. He hadn’t thought much of Ana, but Libby had been special to Hurley which made her loss enough heartbreak, if only when they saw the pain from poor Hugo’s eyes as he said goodbye to the woman he loved. But as Charlie approached Michael the pain in his eyes seemed greater. He didn’t think Michael and the two now deceased women were friends but then again, he had spent a bit of time with them and he had been there to witness their murders, as well as getting shot himself.
Huh, there ya go, Charlie thought to himself quietly, No wonder he’s depressed.
“Hey mate,” he smiled politely at the man before sitting in the sand next to him. Charlie didn’t exactly know why he was striking up conversation with Michael again after all this time. They weren’t exactly friends. But he had missed him, especially after their talk about fatherhood. Charlie had felt a bond between him and Michael. They had both been new fathers, struggling to bring up a young life on this island. He wished they could have developed their friendship more. Maybe he was more curious as to where he had been and what he had done these past weeks. And more importantly, what they were going to do. Hurley meant something when he tearfully told the others that he was “coming with them”. Coming with them? Coming with them where?
Michael hardly registered Charlie’s presence. He looked too caught up in his own thoughts to form a reply. He sat quietly, a hand on Vincent’s collar as if he would run away and leave him. He gazed at the ocean, an anxious and far off look in his eye.
“I’m glad you’re back, Michael.” Charlie offered, he wasn’t sure whether he would reply, but he thought it would be polite to make an effort to talk to him seeing as it had been so long since they last had. Walt was missing. Michael had been God knows where for weeks, one of the Others had shot him and left him to die. He could tell Michael was all over the place right now. But he had a right to be.
“Thanks, Charlie,” he finally mumbled, not even looking him in the eye.
Charlie crossed his legs and rested his arms on his knees, “How’re you feeling?”
Michael glanced at Charlie, a look of misery engaged his features, “They still have my son, Charlie.”
“I know,” he frowned, “I’m sorry.”
Michael sighed, his breath wavering involuntarily, “I felt so useless,” he continued, reliving the nightmare again, “I couldn’t save my own son. I really messed things up.”
Charlie stared, feeling Michael’s pain. He wasn’t sure what to say. What could he say. The only thing he could think of was how lucky he was that Aaron was safe and sound on camp. At least for now. Though he wasn’t sure it would make much difference. After the whole incident before with his dreams, the drugs and being disowned by Claire, Aaron had already been taken away from him. And that was bad enough. But if he were to be kidnapped by the Others and away from all the people that loved him…well, Charlie wouldn’t know how to get by. He thought it had been dreadful enough not being able to see him because of what he did. He wasn’t proud of it but he had thought he was doing what was best. He thought baptising the child would make everything better. He thought Aaron was in danger and that he had tried to protect the boy, like any other father would. Like Michael had tried to with his son. But he had failed. It seemed they both had. And it was a huge disappointment and concern to the both of them.
“What was it like when your son was taken away from you, Michael?” Charlie suddenly asked, voice low and serious. He gave Michael a dark, momentary look.
Michael was caught off guard by the question. Why would Charlie ask this? Wasn’t it obvious how he felt?
“Like a part of me was cruelly snatched from me,” he snapped as if offended, “He’s my own flesh and blood, Charlie! He was my son! I was supposed to protect him! And They came and took him away from me as if I was nothing to do with him! What do you think it was like!? Some strangers bombed our raft and stole my kid! It was terrifying!”
Charlie bit his lip worryingly. He didn’t want to upset Michael. God knows how he must be feeling. The fear of what they were doing to his son, the anger that he was just taken away from him like that, the feeling that he had no right at all as a father. Even though Aaron wasn’t Charlie’s son, he felt like he could relate his situation with Michael’s.
“Not long ago,” he began fidgeting as he spoke, “I did something….I did something that made Claire mad at me. I lied to her and…and she took Aaron away from me. She didn’t trust me, said I wasn’t safe. He had been taken away from me as if I were a danger to him. So I stayed away and it was…awful. I just missed them, I….I messed things up.”
Michael looked up. He felt sorry for the other man even though he saw his situation as far worse. But he felt sorry for Charlie because this was what he had been fearing from the beginning, “I’m sorry, man. That must have been tough.”
“Yeah,” Charlie mumbled, nodding his head slightly, “I’m just saying that, whatever you’re going through…I’m here. To…to relate. What happened to you is much worse, I know. But I can understand, Michael.”
“Yeah,” Michael managed his first real smile in weeks, “Thanks.”
Charlie smiled back briefly before turning his head again and speaking, “I know that Aaron isn’t my son. And of course he never will be by blood. But I just like to think that he is, you know? I got used to these roles we had fallen in to. I quite liked being the dad,” he smiled again at the thought, “Then I buggered it up. And everything had changed. But you know what? Today, while we were at the funeral…Claire grabbed my hand. She actually grabbed my hand and held on to it…what does that mean?”
“Maybe she’s ready to forgive you,” Michael suggested, “Maybe she’s realised you are the perfect father for her son. Maybe she’s realised that you’re safe after all and she wants you back.”
“You think so? But what if I mess things up again?”
“We learn from our mistakes, Charlie. I know once I get Walt back, I‘m never gonna lose him again. No more mistakes, no more fights. I‘m gonna try my best with him. Don‘t worry about messing up. Just concentrate on doing your best.”
Charlie nodded in agreement. He never wanted to lose Aaron again, that was for sure.
Michael patted him on the back, “I think things are starting to work out for you.”
Charlie loved the thought of he, Claire and Aaron being a family again. He had missed the little boy so much. He only ever wanted to be a good father figure to him. Maybe, if this was a second chance, he would get to be that father figure he had hoped to be. A smile formed across his lips.
“I have to go,” Michael interrupted, “A group of us are heading out in to the jungle. We’re gonna try and get Walt back,” he bit his tongue, “I’m gonna try and get my son back for good.”
“Oh,” Charlie looked at him. So that’s what Hurley meant. “And Hurley’s coming with you?”
Michael nodded, looking at Charlie from the corner of his eye.
“Well, I wish you good luck,” Charlie said as the two of them stood, ready to part, “I hope you get your son back.”
Michael smiled gratefully, “You too, man. I’ll see you soon,” he extended his arm for Charlie to shake.
Instead, Charlie took him in a brief hug, “See you soon,” he patted him on the back. Michael nodded and left to join up with the others.
Charlie sighed to himself, thinking about all the two had talked about. Michael had really made Charlie realise how important Aaron was to him. Having Aaron in his life had changed everything. He gave him something to work for and love. He gave him some direction. Maybe he couldn’t be the most perfect father, but there were a million ways he could be a good one now it seemed Claire was ready to let him back in to Aaron’s life. He grinned optimistically, he was ready for this now. He was ready for fatherhood.
Rating: K
Characters:Charlie/Michael. Mentions of Walt, Claire and Aaron
Summary: Charlie and Michael talk about Fatherhood and whether they’re good parents.
Thanks to
lostwitoutdom for being a beta =D For
charliepacefic challenge #2
“Hey Michael,” Charlie called, a bawling little infant in his arms as he approached the caves where Michael Dawson was standing, “Have you seen Claire?”
Michael, looking a little distracted, shook his head, “Er…no, man. No,” he looked around him briefly before turning to face Charlie properly, “You seen Walt?”
“Walt? Sorry, no,” Charlie replied regretfully, “He’s probably exploring. Kids like to do that, right?”
“I guess,” Michael replied with a short sigh before sitting himself down lazily on a nearby rock.
Charlie joined him, rocking Claire’s baby gently but the little boy’s crying would not cease.
“Oh bugger. Michael, you’re…you’re a dad. How can I get this little one to quieten down? Anymore of this and I’ll be the one to get Postnatal Depression!”
Not even a smile cracked from the other man’s lips. Instead, he glanced over and shrugged,
“I’m sorry, I don’t know.”
“Oh, okay,” Charlie replied slowly, “I just thought you’d have some experience. You know, from Walt.”
Another sigh, “Sorry. No experience here.”
Charlie wrinkled his nose in confusion. Michael saw his perplexed expression, then debated whether to reveal his vexing secret.
“Look, man,” Michael began, finally deciding to tell the truth about his troubled past, “Before this flight, I hadn’t seen my son since he was a tiny little baby! I missed out on everything while he was growing up. Everything.”
Charlie sat open mouthed. Suddenly he felt horribly guilty, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
Michael frowned, feeling a slight pang of guilt himself, “Don’t be sorry. You weren’t to know.”
Charlie looked down at Turnip Head for a moment. The child cried and nuzzled in to his blankets as Charlie contemplated over Michael’s situation, “Well, you seem to be doing alright. I mean, you could’ve fooled me. You seem to really care about him, you’d do anything to protect him. You love him more than anything, right?” Charlie smiled slightly, then turned his attention to the baby he had sniffling in his arms “That’s the kind of dad I want to be.”
Michael looked down at his shoes a moment, “Thanks,” he smiled, finally glancing back up. “It means a lot. I always thought I was a horrible father. Walt, he argues with me, contradicts me. I wasn’t there for him when he needed me.”
“Well you are now, aren’t you? God knows kids can be a hassle. Listen to this one here!” Charlie told Michael, indicating to the whining newborn cradled in his arms, “That’s the way it is sometimes. I don’t know much about you but I can tell you’re trying your hardest to be a good dad to that kid.”
Michael grinned, gratefully, “Thanks man.”
Charlie nodded. No problem.
After a small silence, Charlie spoke again as the baby at last began to calm, “It feels like, ever since Claire had this baby, I’ve been playing the father to this kid. You know, we’ve quickly become a family. Like we just fell in to these roles.”
“Isn’t that what you want?”
Charlie mused to himself for a moment, “Yeah, yeah it’s exactly what I want. It’s just,” another pause as he glanced quickly at the child, “I’m terrified that I’m gonna mess things up. What if this baby becomes the Anti-Christ because of me?”
Michael held in a small laugh, “I felt the same way. But when Walt got taken away from me I felt disappointed that I wouldn’t have any affect on his life. Being a parent is like being a teacher. You have minds to mould and influence. And yeah, it was damn scary at first but once that opportunity is taken away from you, you’d give anything to get it back.”
Charlie stared, absorbing Michael’s words. Maybe he was right. Maybe he should stop being afraid of messing things up and start concentrating on being a good role model. He was already starting a new life. No drugs, no flings, no fame. Wasn’t he ready for this?
Charlie took a moment, then smiled again, “Thanks. You’re right.”
Perhaps being a father didn’t have to be so scary and intimidating. It was something to be enjoyed and treasured. Being a parent was a gift, not a burden. Wasn’t that how it was supposed to be?
~~
Charlie saw him along the beach with Vincent after he had paid his respects to Ana-Lucia and Libby, two tragic losses. He hadn’t thought much of Ana, but Libby had been special to Hurley which made her loss enough heartbreak, if only when they saw the pain from poor Hugo’s eyes as he said goodbye to the woman he loved. But as Charlie approached Michael the pain in his eyes seemed greater. He didn’t think Michael and the two now deceased women were friends but then again, he had spent a bit of time with them and he had been there to witness their murders, as well as getting shot himself.
Huh, there ya go, Charlie thought to himself quietly, No wonder he’s depressed.
“Hey mate,” he smiled politely at the man before sitting in the sand next to him. Charlie didn’t exactly know why he was striking up conversation with Michael again after all this time. They weren’t exactly friends. But he had missed him, especially after their talk about fatherhood. Charlie had felt a bond between him and Michael. They had both been new fathers, struggling to bring up a young life on this island. He wished they could have developed their friendship more. Maybe he was more curious as to where he had been and what he had done these past weeks. And more importantly, what they were going to do. Hurley meant something when he tearfully told the others that he was “coming with them”. Coming with them? Coming with them where?
Michael hardly registered Charlie’s presence. He looked too caught up in his own thoughts to form a reply. He sat quietly, a hand on Vincent’s collar as if he would run away and leave him. He gazed at the ocean, an anxious and far off look in his eye.
“I’m glad you’re back, Michael.” Charlie offered, he wasn’t sure whether he would reply, but he thought it would be polite to make an effort to talk to him seeing as it had been so long since they last had. Walt was missing. Michael had been God knows where for weeks, one of the Others had shot him and left him to die. He could tell Michael was all over the place right now. But he had a right to be.
“Thanks, Charlie,” he finally mumbled, not even looking him in the eye.
Charlie crossed his legs and rested his arms on his knees, “How’re you feeling?”
Michael glanced at Charlie, a look of misery engaged his features, “They still have my son, Charlie.”
“I know,” he frowned, “I’m sorry.”
Michael sighed, his breath wavering involuntarily, “I felt so useless,” he continued, reliving the nightmare again, “I couldn’t save my own son. I really messed things up.”
Charlie stared, feeling Michael’s pain. He wasn’t sure what to say. What could he say. The only thing he could think of was how lucky he was that Aaron was safe and sound on camp. At least for now. Though he wasn’t sure it would make much difference. After the whole incident before with his dreams, the drugs and being disowned by Claire, Aaron had already been taken away from him. And that was bad enough. But if he were to be kidnapped by the Others and away from all the people that loved him…well, Charlie wouldn’t know how to get by. He thought it had been dreadful enough not being able to see him because of what he did. He wasn’t proud of it but he had thought he was doing what was best. He thought baptising the child would make everything better. He thought Aaron was in danger and that he had tried to protect the boy, like any other father would. Like Michael had tried to with his son. But he had failed. It seemed they both had. And it was a huge disappointment and concern to the both of them.
“What was it like when your son was taken away from you, Michael?” Charlie suddenly asked, voice low and serious. He gave Michael a dark, momentary look.
Michael was caught off guard by the question. Why would Charlie ask this? Wasn’t it obvious how he felt?
“Like a part of me was cruelly snatched from me,” he snapped as if offended, “He’s my own flesh and blood, Charlie! He was my son! I was supposed to protect him! And They came and took him away from me as if I was nothing to do with him! What do you think it was like!? Some strangers bombed our raft and stole my kid! It was terrifying!”
Charlie bit his lip worryingly. He didn’t want to upset Michael. God knows how he must be feeling. The fear of what they were doing to his son, the anger that he was just taken away from him like that, the feeling that he had no right at all as a father. Even though Aaron wasn’t Charlie’s son, he felt like he could relate his situation with Michael’s.
“Not long ago,” he began fidgeting as he spoke, “I did something….I did something that made Claire mad at me. I lied to her and…and she took Aaron away from me. She didn’t trust me, said I wasn’t safe. He had been taken away from me as if I were a danger to him. So I stayed away and it was…awful. I just missed them, I….I messed things up.”
Michael looked up. He felt sorry for the other man even though he saw his situation as far worse. But he felt sorry for Charlie because this was what he had been fearing from the beginning, “I’m sorry, man. That must have been tough.”
“Yeah,” Charlie mumbled, nodding his head slightly, “I’m just saying that, whatever you’re going through…I’m here. To…to relate. What happened to you is much worse, I know. But I can understand, Michael.”
“Yeah,” Michael managed his first real smile in weeks, “Thanks.”
Charlie smiled back briefly before turning his head again and speaking, “I know that Aaron isn’t my son. And of course he never will be by blood. But I just like to think that he is, you know? I got used to these roles we had fallen in to. I quite liked being the dad,” he smiled again at the thought, “Then I buggered it up. And everything had changed. But you know what? Today, while we were at the funeral…Claire grabbed my hand. She actually grabbed my hand and held on to it…what does that mean?”
“Maybe she’s ready to forgive you,” Michael suggested, “Maybe she’s realised you are the perfect father for her son. Maybe she’s realised that you’re safe after all and she wants you back.”
“You think so? But what if I mess things up again?”
“We learn from our mistakes, Charlie. I know once I get Walt back, I‘m never gonna lose him again. No more mistakes, no more fights. I‘m gonna try my best with him. Don‘t worry about messing up. Just concentrate on doing your best.”
Charlie nodded in agreement. He never wanted to lose Aaron again, that was for sure.
Michael patted him on the back, “I think things are starting to work out for you.”
Charlie loved the thought of he, Claire and Aaron being a family again. He had missed the little boy so much. He only ever wanted to be a good father figure to him. Maybe, if this was a second chance, he would get to be that father figure he had hoped to be. A smile formed across his lips.
“I have to go,” Michael interrupted, “A group of us are heading out in to the jungle. We’re gonna try and get Walt back,” he bit his tongue, “I’m gonna try and get my son back for good.”
“Oh,” Charlie looked at him. So that’s what Hurley meant. “And Hurley’s coming with you?”
Michael nodded, looking at Charlie from the corner of his eye.
“Well, I wish you good luck,” Charlie said as the two of them stood, ready to part, “I hope you get your son back.”
Michael smiled gratefully, “You too, man. I’ll see you soon,” he extended his arm for Charlie to shake.
Instead, Charlie took him in a brief hug, “See you soon,” he patted him on the back. Michael nodded and left to join up with the others.
Charlie sighed to himself, thinking about all the two had talked about. Michael had really made Charlie realise how important Aaron was to him. Having Aaron in his life had changed everything. He gave him something to work for and love. He gave him some direction. Maybe he couldn’t be the most perfect father, but there were a million ways he could be a good one now it seemed Claire was ready to let him back in to Aaron’s life. He grinned optimistically, he was ready for this now. He was ready for fatherhood.