The New Four Questions
As we approach another Passover Seder
Who else will be there besides Bubbe and Zayde
And all of our family and guests
Morty and Tillie
Along with their youngest, Willie
Will be among the rest
This year we are in for a treat
Before we at long last eat
From the child that we all adore
I have waited for years
I know there will be tears
As my boychick asks questions four
We are not concerned as the time approaches
For our tatala has had plenty of coaches
First he was taught by his Uncle Keith.
You know, the one who spits through his teeth.
Next came Aunt Sophie, to help us out,
But she had to quit because of the gout.
So we thought that we’d call on cousin Marvin.
When he got to the house, he said, “Boy, I am starvin’”
“Can I have a smidgen of that Whitefish?
How about a bit of that brisket for a small side dish?
If you have some liver
I’ll take me a sliver.”
When Marvin’s snack was all done
It was well past one.
And Marvin was very messy.
So he wiped his chin on his sleeve
Took food for his son Steve.
And said that he was late for dinner with Bessy.
Finally I said
“Let’s ask my wife’s brother Ned.”
A loud gasp then came from the toilet.
Out came old Zeyda
Yelling, “Feh, he’ll ruin the Seder.
That boy can only spoil it.”
But I said that “Ned had changed.
He was no longer deranged.
So Papa, don’t throw a royal fit.”
Bubbe came in
With Schmaltz on her chin
Saying “That boy, there is no hope for,
He’s never been serious.
I think that he’s delirious.
Did you get the horseradish at the store?”
But I promised my wife,
And to avoid marital strife,
Ned would coach our sweet son
For they loved each other
More like a brother
And both said it would be great fun.
We were all moved
For it appeared Ned had improved
Although something was quite mysterious.
He’d play and he’d study
With the child he called his “buddy.”
Maybe Ned had finally become serious.
Now all guests have arrived.
Molly’s stories still seem contrived
“So Lenny how has your son Dale?”
“That boy is so smart,
And he’s got such a Heart
And only has 2 more years in Jail.”
“Please let’s get seated.”
Then again I repeated,
“Our Yontif will now get started
From our Hagaddah’s today,
We learn why we pray,
And why the Red Sea was parted.
Now was the time
For my son to make that large climb
And ask the questions one through four
We were so proud
When he started aloud
And Elijah came into the door.
“The first question I pondered
We all know that we wandered
For Forty long Years.
Why take so long?
Did we turn wrong,
And end in southern Algiers
Then cousin Nan
Said since “we were led by a man
Asking directions was one of his fears.”
“I hope I’m not rude
But since the next question involves food,”
I ask big cousin Stan
How did survive?
What kept us alive?
Without our Moo Goo Gai Pan? .
Since there was mild laughter,
I thought better address this after,
But the punishment would be far from mild.
So with only 2 questions remaining
And no one complaining,
I didn’t interrupt the child.
So Question three
He addressed to me
“Daddy about this wine that you drink
After 5000 years
Of tumult and tears,
Why can’t we make wine that doesn’t stink?”
Now I looked at Ned
He was hiding his head,
Trying to conceal his large grin
And although I said “this isn’t amusing.”
And claimed that him I regretted choosing,
There really was no chagrin.
As we all sat there raptured.
Our attention was captured
Here was question four
My son took a breath
Turned towards his cousin Seth
And we all knew what was in store.
Seth had created a shock
When he strayed from the flock
And married a blond girl named Ann
Although we all questioned “Why?”
There wasn’t a Guy,
Who wasn’t an envious fan.
“Seth, my pop will not tell me
He’d rather leave well be,
But your wife is your greatest feature.
So when I get older
And I am much bolder
Where can I find such a creature?”
My anger was pretended
No fences need to be mended
And oh, what fun it did bring.
Now it’s a family tradition
And a large competition,
To ask four new questions, each Spring.
Who else will be there besides Bubbe and Zayde
And all of our family and guests
Morty and Tillie
Along with their youngest, Willie
Will be among the rest
This year we are in for a treat
Before we at long last eat
From the child that we all adore
I have waited for years
I know there will be tears
As my boychick asks questions four
We are not concerned as the time approaches
For our tatala has had plenty of coaches
First he was taught by his Uncle Keith.
You know, the one who spits through his teeth.
Next came Aunt Sophie, to help us out,
But she had to quit because of the gout.
So we thought that we’d call on cousin Marvin.
When he got to the house, he said, “Boy, I am starvin’”
“Can I have a smidgen of that Whitefish?
How about a bit of that brisket for a small side dish?
If you have some liver
I’ll take me a sliver.”
When Marvin’s snack was all done
It was well past one.
And Marvin was very messy.
So he wiped his chin on his sleeve
Took food for his son Steve.
And said that he was late for dinner with Bessy.
Finally I said
“Let’s ask my wife’s brother Ned.”
A loud gasp then came from the toilet.
Out came old Zeyda
Yelling, “Feh, he’ll ruin the Seder.
That boy can only spoil it.”
But I said that “Ned had changed.
He was no longer deranged.
So Papa, don’t throw a royal fit.”
Bubbe came in
With Schmaltz on her chin
Saying “That boy, there is no hope for,
He’s never been serious.
I think that he’s delirious.
Did you get the horseradish at the store?”
But I promised my wife,
And to avoid marital strife,
Ned would coach our sweet son
For they loved each other
More like a brother
And both said it would be great fun.
We were all moved
For it appeared Ned had improved
Although something was quite mysterious.
He’d play and he’d study
With the child he called his “buddy.”
Maybe Ned had finally become serious.
Now all guests have arrived.
Molly’s stories still seem contrived
“So Lenny how has your son Dale?”
“That boy is so smart,
And he’s got such a Heart
And only has 2 more years in Jail.”
“Please let’s get seated.”
Then again I repeated,
“Our Yontif will now get started
From our Hagaddah’s today,
We learn why we pray,
And why the Red Sea was parted.
Now was the time
For my son to make that large climb
And ask the questions one through four
We were so proud
When he started aloud
And Elijah came into the door.
“The first question I pondered
We all know that we wandered
For Forty long Years.
Why take so long?
Did we turn wrong,
And end in southern Algiers
Then cousin Nan
Said since “we were led by a man
Asking directions was one of his fears.”
“I hope I’m not rude
But since the next question involves food,”
I ask big cousin Stan
How did survive?
What kept us alive?
Without our Moo Goo Gai Pan? .
Since there was mild laughter,
I thought better address this after,
But the punishment would be far from mild.
So with only 2 questions remaining
And no one complaining,
I didn’t interrupt the child.
So Question three
He addressed to me
“Daddy about this wine that you drink
After 5000 years
Of tumult and tears,
Why can’t we make wine that doesn’t stink?”
Now I looked at Ned
He was hiding his head,
Trying to conceal his large grin
And although I said “this isn’t amusing.”
And claimed that him I regretted choosing,
There really was no chagrin.
As we all sat there raptured.
Our attention was captured
Here was question four
My son took a breath
Turned towards his cousin Seth
And we all knew what was in store.
Seth had created a shock
When he strayed from the flock
And married a blond girl named Ann
Although we all questioned “Why?”
There wasn’t a Guy,
Who wasn’t an envious fan.
“Seth, my pop will not tell me
He’d rather leave well be,
But your wife is your greatest feature.
So when I get older
And I am much bolder
Where can I find such a creature?”
My anger was pretended
No fences need to be mended
And oh, what fun it did bring.
Now it’s a family tradition
And a large competition,
To ask four new questions, each Spring.