Well, is it just a matter of YMMV? I am not trying to be argumentative here. I definitely get that sometimes it is a case of YMMV, but there are other times where I'm thinking "those people are wearing different glasses from me". I mean, isn't this kind of what sexuality is?
It's hard to tell quite what you're saying without specifics, but it sounds like you're referring to a scenario or a specific thing/person that other people find attractive and you do not (or vice versa), which does not sound like a representation of sexuality. Can you give an example?
Bah. I will have to come up with an example later.
The point for me was that it just got me thinking that maybe people with different sexualities experience it sort of like this. That this might be a metaphor people could use to explain asexuality (for instance).
There are definitely people/scenarios where I am like, ok, whatever floats your boat and it's clearly a case of YMMV, but if someone sees these scenarios/pictures/etc all the time and ALWAYS feels that way, couldn't that be more (or something different from) than YMMV? I don't know. I learn by talking, so that's why I'm all blabby, chatting away :D
I am, by far, certainly not an expert on the topic of asexuality, but to me, sexuality seems to be a sort of spectrum rather than a slot to be filled or a box to be checkmarked. I am close to someone who identifies themselves as demisexual, which means they only experience sexual attraction after making a close romantic attachment to someone. He struggles at times with his body's urges, which feel foreign and unnatural and wrong to him.
But I think everyone sort of falls on the spectrum line somewhere, so it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you if you don't find something sexy when someone else does. :)
Oh, gosh, I am not at all uncomfortable with my sexuality. I just find asexuality fascinating and have been trying to wrap my head around it since I discovered it.
Your poor friend! That has to be disturbing, definitely.
Also, agreed. Sexuality is unique to each person. We are so varied and the possibilities really seem infinite. I'm fascinated by it:D
Well, my "friend" is a relation in their late teens, so I suspect he will work it all out in time. I'm just glad he was able to find a definition that made sense to him this early.
There was a very well-written Paperlegends last year that had an asexual Merlin and a grey-asexual Arthur called Ace of Hearts that you might find an interesting read. (I know longfic is not normally your thing, but it's an easy read and just over the word limit, I think) I believe the author said he/she was asexual, so it really comes from an experienced point of view. It helped me make some sense of what asexuality was about at about the right time to help me understand what my young relation was going through.
I always hesitate to label my sexuality because it makes me feel like I have to check off all the little boxes that someone has defined a type of sexuality as being, and I think it's much more fluid than that. But I do think I trend more towards the asexuality side of the spectrum in terms of not having much desire to have sex with another person. Anyway, kissing on the mouth is something that sparks pretty much zero sexual attraction for me, yet is probably the most common representation of such attraction. I like kissing on other parts of the body but on the mouth, not so much. So I can see where you're coming from in thinking "this is sexy?" I mean, I incorporate kissing in my writing and I recognize it as a sign of romance/sexual attraction simply because that's how our culture designates it, but personally I don't find it sexy at all.
I am over trying to stuff my identity into boxes. I have a life that isn't likely to change any time soon and so it doesn't really matter what my labels are at this point in time.
I agree, that sexuality and identities are fluid. Interesting that kissing is not interesting to you. I like kissing in person, but I feel like it's often not so interesting to see in the media.
Also, I get that there is a ton of YMMV stuff going on. I have always been attracted to men that the majority of people (around me, anyway) were like, what? I never found the main guys attractive. That doesn't make me asexual. I get that. I'm just trying to wrap my brain, more (or again), around asexuality. :D
I'm trying to understand what you're thinking about. I'm tired and probably get it completely wrong (please forgive me, if I do D: ) but
1/ do you just want to know whether asexuality 'feels' like you feel when you look at - for example - a porn gif set but just don't get what the fuss about that particular gif set is all about or 2/ are you saying that for example, if a gay man doesn't get sexual enjoyment out of looking at boob pics that makes him partially asexual?
Uhm, yeah, this is me trying to figure out what looking at something and perceiving it differently than others has to do with asexuality in particular? I feel like I failed at that spectacularly.
Well, I have allergies and my thinking has been fuzzy for weeks, so I'm probably to blame here.
I was looking for a metaphor to try understand asexuality. I think I was going more for 1. I don't think a gay man not enjoying boobs makes him asexual. Hell, there are probably straight men who don't get turned on by boobs either.
I think maybe I was confusing in how I presented it. It could stand as a metaphor for a lot of things. Maybe I should have used a specific example and it would have been less confusing. I mean, I don't really understand asexuality, so I'm just grasping at straws here. I also learn by talking, so it's helpful for me to bounce ideas around. <3 Thanks for talking!
Frozen -- dh loves the music. I find some of the songs nice, but I am really really tired of the snowman one.
:D :D Excellent. I'm not terribly fannish about Sleepy Hollow so some of my answers are going to be kind of lame, but I am looking forward to it. Also, I can't wait for the fall when the show comes back!
my interpretation of the scene/whatever was different from how it was being presented
I get that all the time, but I generally put it down to either me been a bit older than the Tumblr crowd, and a bit cynical as well (I struggle to find anything remotely romantic about the movie Twilight for example!)
I've only seen bits and pieces of Frozen and I think you're right - some things they got right and some things they got wrong, I still think its pretty sad that the message poor Elsa got was be scared and hide away - and the music can grate after a while.
Well, I've felt this way pretty much ever since I got into fandom. I don't really care about my own labels, I'm just curious about understanding it from another point of view :D :D
DH loves the music. There is a song at the very beginning I like a lot, but you never hear it.
I think Elsa responds the way a lot of us do when we are scared. I can't even fault her parents, much, but it does seem an old fashioned response. They should have gone out looking for answers. I think I'd have felt better if the parents died looking for answers. We don't even know why they had to leave, actually. Oooh, gaping plot hole.
Comments 22
Reply
Reply
Reply
The point for me was that it just got me thinking that maybe people with different sexualities experience it sort of like this. That this might be a metaphor people could use to explain asexuality (for instance).
There are definitely people/scenarios where I am like, ok, whatever floats your boat and it's clearly a case of YMMV, but if someone sees these scenarios/pictures/etc all the time and ALWAYS feels that way, couldn't that be more (or something different from) than YMMV? I don't know. I learn by talking, so that's why I'm all blabby, chatting away :D
Reply
But I think everyone sort of falls on the spectrum line somewhere, so it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you if you don't find something sexy when someone else does. :)
Reply
Your poor friend! That has to be disturbing, definitely.
Also, agreed. Sexuality is unique to each person. We are so varied and the possibilities really seem infinite. I'm fascinated by it:D
Reply
There was a very well-written Paperlegends last year that had an asexual Merlin and a grey-asexual Arthur called Ace of Hearts that you might find an interesting read. (I know longfic is not normally your thing, but it's an easy read and just over the word limit, I think) I believe the author said he/she was asexual, so it really comes from an experienced point of view. It helped me make some sense of what asexuality was about at about the right time to help me understand what my young relation was going through.
Reply
Oooh, I will keep this in mind! Thank you for the rec.
Reply
Reply
I agree, that sexuality and identities are fluid. Interesting that kissing is not interesting to you. I like kissing in person, but I feel like it's often not so interesting to see in the media.
Also, I get that there is a ton of YMMV stuff going on. I have always been attracted to men that the majority of people (around me, anyway) were like, what? I never found the main guys attractive. That doesn't make me asexual. I get that. I'm just trying to wrap my brain, more (or again), around asexuality. :D
Reply
1/ do you just want to know whether asexuality 'feels' like you feel when you look at - for example - a porn gif set but just don't get what the fuss about that particular gif set is all about
or
2/ are you saying that for example, if a gay man doesn't get sexual enjoyment out of looking at boob pics that makes him partially asexual?
Uhm, yeah, this is me trying to figure out what looking at something and perceiving it differently than others has to do with asexuality in particular? I feel like I failed at that spectacularly.
Frozen - cute movie, slightly annoying music. Liked it, though.
The Sleepy Hollow meme looks fun, I won't do it but I'm looking forward to listening to yours.
Reply
I was looking for a metaphor to try understand asexuality. I think I was going more for 1. I don't think a gay man not enjoying boobs makes him asexual. Hell, there are probably straight men who don't get turned on by boobs either.
I think maybe I was confusing in how I presented it. It could stand as a metaphor for a lot of things. Maybe I should have used a specific example and it would have been less confusing. I mean, I don't really understand asexuality, so I'm just grasping at straws here. I also learn by talking, so it's helpful for me to bounce ideas around. <3 Thanks for talking!
Frozen -- dh loves the music. I find some of the songs nice, but I am really really tired of the snowman one.
:D :D Excellent. I'm not terribly fannish about Sleepy Hollow so some of my answers are going to be kind of lame, but I am looking forward to it. Also, I can't wait for the fall when the show comes back!
Reply
I get that all the time, but I generally put it down to either me been a bit older than the Tumblr crowd, and a bit cynical as well (I struggle to find anything remotely romantic about the movie Twilight for example!)
I've only seen bits and pieces of Frozen and I think you're right - some things they got right and some things they got wrong, I still think its pretty sad that the message poor Elsa got was be scared and hide away
- and the music can grate after a while.
Reply
DH loves the music. There is a song at the very beginning I like a lot, but you never hear it.
I think Elsa responds the way a lot of us do when we are scared. I can't even fault her parents, much, but it does seem an old fashioned response. They should have gone out looking for answers. I think I'd have felt better if the parents died looking for answers. We don't even know why they had to leave, actually. Oooh, gaping plot hole.
Reply
I can only ever remember the song that goes on and on...and on, you think its finished and then it starts up again about opening the gates!
It is an old-fashioned response, I know the parents left and then were killed, but I never quite know whey they left either
on another note, I've finished Pushing Daisies :(
Reply
LOL. Yeah, that's one of the key songs.
Ooooh. Sadness. But you have Wonderfalls, do you not? It's lovely. And have you watched The Fall (Tarsem Singh's movie, not the tv show)?
Reply
Leave a comment