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Comments 13

aome September 11 2012, 15:48:13 UTC
The climaxes feel like they, uh, climax too quickly. More build-up, or time spent on their actions, really sensitizes the reader, too. :D But this is a nicely handled way of presenting a trio, and I really like the way you showed that everyone was attending to everyone else with lines like: Hands roamed, someone gasped, someone else giggled. Merlin whispered in Arthur’s ear and then they were both intent on Freya, Merlin’s mouth tickling a nipple, Arthur’s nibbling her.... It's a true trio, not just two on one, you know?

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jelazakazone September 11 2012, 17:57:27 UTC
Yeah. It was a bit sketchy. I wasn't intending to go in depth here. I just wanted to throw something together for fleete for her birthday:D

Also, it being my first attempt at a trio, I was little nervous about doing much more. I didn't want to get my math wrong:D

I'm glad you got that it is a true trio though. I get that not all trios are, but that was definitely the feel I was going for here.

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fleete September 11 2012, 17:51:26 UTC
EEEEE. I like the title, cuz I just really like imagining that this is Merlin's birthday, and all the people he loves kind of separately wanted to sex him up, and then Freya just got there first, and then Arthur is like "!!" and then they all join in! Like I said, I hadn't thought of this threesome before, but now I am all about it.

I have to disagree with the above commenter about them finishing too quickly; I experienced it as a kind of a fast-forwarding-to-the-good-parts effect? *shrugs*

In any case, I am so honored that you wrote something for me, and so fast! I'm such a slow writer. I guess that's something you can learn to do, huh?

Thanks again for such a sweet birthday gift!!

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jelazakazone September 11 2012, 18:00:13 UTC
I think if all the people he loved were there, Gwen, and Lancelot and Gwaine would have to be there too. Just saying. I cannot handle that story.

:D It was an excellent suggestion.

I'm glad the sketchiness of it didn't come off as sketchy, but as fast forwarding. I would have had a hard time filling in the details and lingering.

♥ ♥ Last year, writing was like pulling teeth. I don't seem to have that problem any more, if the idea is good. In January I had a goal of writing 1K a week. By June I was easily writing 4K a week (not on the same story, necessarily).

Happy birthday!

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dunderklumpen September 11 2012, 18:22:58 UTC
I liked it. Oddly enough these tree seemed right together. You managed to warm this ship to me:) Plus I like the playfulness of the piece at the same time with the hotness.

Although it's a simple line I loved that bit: miles of smooth skin to touch.

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jelazakazone September 11 2012, 18:29:20 UTC
Thanks! I don't think I ever would have thought to put them together. fleete gets total credit for that:D

I started writing it and was feeling very goofy. I'm glad the playfulness worked for you and that it was still hot!

:D Don't you think there would be lots of skin to touch if there were three people? :D

Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate that.

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dunderklumpen September 11 2012, 18:47:30 UTC
Miles and miles of it;P

Of course... sometimes I tend to be a silent lurker although I exactly know myself how frustrating that is. So I decided to comment more. *nods*

Setting goals helped by the way.

de_bingo is up and running and I finished the book for my goddaughter. Only LJ won't let me upload pics at the moment so I'm gonna show it when that's fixed.

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jelazakazone September 11 2012, 18:51:55 UTC
:) I've gone the other way; too frustrated about not getting feedback, I'm leaving less. I will strive to do better.

Woot for setting goals! It's the way to go:) I hope your new comm rocks. Can't wait to see pictures of the book.

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alba17 September 12 2012, 01:41:56 UTC
This is a very sweet and hot scenario. I think you did a really good job balancing three participants, not the easiest thing! I never thought of putting these 3 together either. Hmm, maybe because Arthur killed Freya, lol.

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jelazakazone September 12 2012, 01:43:50 UTC
Thanks!

I had never thought of any trio, to be honest. I was still trying to pull myself together to write about two people having sex.

LOL. Arthur did kill Freya, didn't he? Damn, now you've got me wondering if he killed her in the fic I wrote where I couldn't save her. Clearly this is AU for seventy billion reasons!

This was a good stretch for me.

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archaeologist_d September 22 2012, 21:44:37 UTC
I liked how playful they were with each other. Well done.

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jelazakazone September 22 2012, 21:45:03 UTC
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D

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