A treat for sandster101

[jefriendlymod]

A treat for sandster101
Cooked up by: A Friendly Chef

Title: Wish
Characters/Groups:Kame and Uchi-centric with brief appearances by members of NEWS, KAT-TUN, Kanjani Eight, Kusano and Jin. Also Johnny Kitagawa himself and the YamaNade cast.
Genre: crack, fluff, comedy, a wee bit of angst, but mostly just good old bromance.
Rating: PG-13 for language and sexual talk
Warnings: m!preg (although magical) and a bit of crossdressing (albeit with humor)
Author's Notes: Dear recipient ^^, I hope this isn’t too strange. I saw that you love Kame, and that you like comedy and your prompt mentioned someone going missing, so I decided to give something a try- I hope you enjoy the friendships and general craziness!


It had been three weeks since anyone had seen Uchi Hiroki.

He didn’t have any planned activities, and there was a lull in between the drama promotions for Yamato Nadeshiko and the butai he was slated to appear in, so nobody really noticed it. Even his friends just chalked it up to him being his usual impulsive self and that he had jetted off to Okinawa for a spa trip or Korea to enjoy living unrecognized amongst the crowds of Seoul. He lived life as it came at him, and part of that often involved changing locales just for a “change of scenery” or “fresh air”.

Everyone that is, except for Kame.

At first glance, they seemed like odd friends, too much fastidiousness and ego to get along, but Uchi and Kame had quite a lot in common beneath the surface.

He had always liked Uchi, found him to be really interesting and a bit intriguing, carrying an air of sophistication that most of the other guys at the agency didn’t, especially when he returned from his “break”. His style and general confidence were things that Kame had admired and eventually had developed himself as he grew older.

Before his “break” Kame had also appreciated his work ethic, being that he managed being in two groups without even breaking a sweat. He didn’t even blame Uchi for his mistake that led to his “demotion” or whatever everyone would call it. Kame had a few close calls when he himself and a bottle of Pinot Grigio were becoming more than close acquaintances.

Uchi just had the bad luck of getting caught.

Whenever he and Kame had come into contact, they had enjoyed each other’s company and gotten along well, in fact better than Kame got along with most people in the agency. They just did not have much contact in general due to not working together and having different friends (Uchi seemed to hang mainly with Ryo and his crowd, and Kame drifted from group to group).

So when it was announced that he would be in a drama with Tegoshi and Uchi, Kame was excited. It would be a nice change to work with people outside of his usual circle, and Tegoshi and Uchi seemed like really nice guys, albeit a bit high maintenance.

The first day on set was a bit weird, but over time all of them had became friends and thoroughly enjoyed the time that they spent on set, even going out afterwards as a group, choosing to spend time together, which was different for Kame and Tegoshi, who frequently had no choice in the matter of who they spent time with. For Kame, it was the first time he really had to spend time with Uchi, considering that Tegoshi and Uchi were former group mates and had formed a previous bond.

Kame and Uchi became particularly close due to uniting over Tegoshi’s over the top tendency to cling to anyone who was close like a koala to a tree branch. “You aren’t your character, no need to try to sit in my lap every time I sit down,” Uchi had said, which led to Tegoshi pouting and Kame laughing as Tegoshi took that as a direct challenge to try to get into Uchi’s lap at every possible moment.

He laughed until Tegoshi noticed he was being laughed at by Kame and decided that Kame was as good a target as Uchi was, and shifted his attention to climbing onto Kame and clinging like a barnacle to a ship every chance he could.

“Tegoshi-kun, PLEASE GET OFF,” Kame sighed as Tegoshi’s hands wrapped themselves around his waist yet again. “Whyyyyˇ.?” Tegoshi whined, leaning his chin on Kame’s shoulder. Kame rolled his eyes, knowing that this was Tegoshi’s revenge for Kame having dared laugh at Tegoshi climbing over Uchi like Uchi was a mountain and he was a goat.

Kame sighed and let Tegoshi hang on him, which led to Tegoshi pouting. All of the fun was in the reaction, and if Kame provided none, there was no reason to bother. “Kame-chan, you’re no fun,” Tegoshi whined.

Kame smirked. He had won that battle.

The camaraderie developed on the set was like nothing Kame had ever experienced. He always got along with most of the people he worked with (he was professional of course), but this time they felt like a family. With the amount of scenes together and the almost magical way that the four main actors (and Aya-chan of course) gelled together, there was a sense of sadness when the filming ended.

At the wrap party, there was a jovial air about, but there was also a sense of sadness, because the whole cast and crew (especially the four main actors and Aya) had formed a close bond and they didn’t want their time together to end. Kame and Uchi had become especially close, since Tegoshi sometimes had to leave set early for group work and Miyao had to go to practice on a regular basis, leaving the both of them to run lines and generally just hang out.

Everyone exchanged numbers, e-mail addresses and the usual information, making promises to meet up after the show with each other, including a group meeting of the four guys to go out drinking one night when they didn’t all have work.

After the date came and went and only three showed up, Kame began to worry. Not only had he not heard from Uchi since filming wrapped, it really wasn’t like him to not show up to something and not even text an excuse. Even Koki would text Kame if he was going to miss something, and Koki had the attention span of an over-caffeinated squirrel on speed.

But when Kame called around, nobody seemed to be worried at all.

“Yo” Ryo answered casually as Kame tried the most obvious choice.

“Do you know where Uchi is? I haven’t heard from him in a while,” Kame asked, trying to keep any notes of concern from his voice.

“Nope! Maybe he mentioned going to Taiwan or something, I don’t know. Why, you worried? That’s kind of weird, dude, but hold on!” Ryo said quickly. Kame could hear his group mates in the background as Ryo asked Tegoshi if he had heard from Uchi. A chirpy sing-song “Nope Ryo-tan!” was the only answer Kame needed.

With the two front-runners for finding out Uchi’s whereabouts unaware, Kame was left to resort to drastic measures and run through the jimusho “phone book”.

After exhausted Kanjani Eight, NEWS and a few senpai that Kame knew Uchi sometimes talked to, he was lost for who might have the slightest inkling of where Uchi was, until he finally came up with a (strange yet plausible) possibility.

“Yo” Jin answered, the thumping bass of a speaker making it almost impossible to hear his voice as he shouted.

“You’re in a club? It’s like five in the afternoonˇ?” Kame said, incredulously (and a bit jealous if he was honest).

“Uh, yeah, what’s up?” he repeated.

“Have you seen Uchi around?” Kame said, tired of repeating the question but afraid that this was the only way he would finally find out where Uchi really was since he seemed to be a phantom to everybody he had called so far.

“Huh, nope, you ask Ryo?” Jin replied, sounding puzzled.

“Yeahˇ.is Kusano there?” Kame asked, knowing that Kusano knew both Jin and Uchi. He might be the only option left.
“Sure, hold on a second. KUSSAAANNOOO!” Jin screamed his voice deafeningly loud even though he was holding the receiver far from his mouth.

Kame flinched but sighed with relief when he heard the next voice to come to the phone.

“Yo! What’s up?” Kusano answered in English, then laughed when he heard the silence on Kame’s end and repeated what he said in Japanese, much to Kame’s relief.

“Um, I am looking for Uchi, I haven’t been able to find him,” Kame said, his voice low due to embarrassment. He was prepared for the worst taunts (“Why are you so worried about your girlfriend?” “Never knew you liked the pretty boys!”) so when Kusano (who was usually rapid-fire with his insults) paused for a second, Kame was shocked.

“Huh, that’s kind of weird. Uchi and I were supposed to go out a few nights ago and he never showed. I just figured that he found another party or got caught up somewhere else. I wouldn’t worry dude, he’s like the wind, he just comes and goesˇand he blows,” Kusano said, snickering as he got the last dig in at his friend.

“Okay, that’s all we know- Pi doesn’t know either, sorry man,” Jin said, the bass even louder. Kame thanked him and hung up, sad that nobody seemed to know where Uchi had gone. Although many people seemed to think that he was just on some spur of the moment vacation, Kame had a hunch something else was going on.

Still, he disregarded it, chalking it up to nothing but his imagination. After all, what sort of situation could befall Uchi?

------

Kame was in the middle of cooking dinner (Italian again) when he heard his doorbell ring. Wrinkling his brow in confusion, he strode to the door, wondering who would be coming to his apartment at such a strange time.

He was dumbstruck when he found Uchi on his doorstep carrying two suitcases, looking miserable and worn with huge circles under his eyes and his skin pale. His highlights were unmaintained and his clothes were unkempt as if he had been sleeping on the streets for weeks.

“God, Uchi, you look like hell,” Kame said, chuckling a bit at the state of his friend.

Uchi punched him quite hard in the gut, causing Kame to double over in surprise.

“What the hell?” Kame exclaimed as Uchi strode past him angrily and dumped his suitcases on the floor.

“Look, that’s not even funny!” Uchi snapped, rubbing his eyes and yawning like a bear that had just woken up from hibernation, except Uchi looked like he hadn’t slept for weeks.

“Uchi, it was just a joke, chill,” Kame said, scrunching up his face and rubbing his stomach where Uchi had sucker-punched him (where the hell had he learned to hit like that, Kame wondered).

“Kame, this is not a joke!” Uchi said impatiently, crossing his arms over his chest. Taking over his jacket since Kame’s apartment was kept at a steady perfect temperature, Kame couldn’t help but gape at the slightly swollen stomach Uchi had developed since he had seen him.

“Jesus, how many kegs did you drink to get that?” Kame said teasingly, used to this sort of banter between him and Uchi, not thinking of Uchi’s earlier over-reaction.

Kame wished he thought before he spoke when he found himself on the floor, staring up at his beautiful ceiling (a soothing cream color daubed with blue) and clutching his cheek in outright pain.

“What the hell?” Kame repeated after the shock of pain coursed through his body.

“Shit, Kame, I’m sorry! These fucking hormones are just driving me nuts, and I keep going crazy and eating everything andˇwellˇpunching a lot,” Uchi said, offering Kame a hand up.

Kame took it cautiously but was a bit afraid; backing away from Uchi’s punching range before he made his next remark.

“So, you’re like on your period or something?” Kame ventured, and was able to dodge before Uchi lunged at him again.

“If only it were that easy, Kame, I think I’m fucking pregnant!” Uchi shouted, then burst into tears.

Kame would have preferred the punch in the face.

------

After calming Uchi down (and cleaning up the vomit that Uchi had left on the carpet after smelling Kame’s fettucine alfredo), it took two pints of dark chocolate truffle ice cream (the kind with fudge ribbons and little chunks of chocolate) and a promise not to make fun of him that Kame must have repeated four hundred times.

“How is it even possible?” Kame asked again, almost reverently, resisting the urge to crack a joke about Uchi hardly being a virgin (he wasn’t promiscuous, but he was far from innocent). Kame valued his face far too much to risk another hit like the one that resulted in the bruise blossoming like an orchid on his left cheekbone, purple and blue petals spreading on his pale skin.

“How the hell do I know? Although I do have a theoryˇbut it’s really freaking weird. I mean, I haven’t had sex in forever,” Uchi mused, tapping his full lower lip with the ice cream spoon.

“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t getting laid? I could have totally helped you out- I know plenty ofˇ” Kame was cut off by Uchi poking him with the spoon.

“Hello! So not the issue here!” Uchi interrupted, pointing to his slightly swollen abdomen and glaring.

“Oh, yeah,” Kame said and chuckled, not wanting to face the fact that was now staring him in the face as Uchi had hiked up his shirt to accentuate his point.

“Anyways, my theory has to do with that weird amulet Tegoshi brought to the wrap party? Remember it? The one he said was from some weird guy selling it on the side of the road in one of those weird countries he visits with ItteQ?” Uchi inquired, tilting his head.

Kame nodded, not wanting to mention that the “weird” country Uchi referenced was Canada.

“Well anyways, I was the only one that wore it that whole time, and Tegoshi made some weird big deal about Aya not wearing it because it had “magical fertility properties” or whatever,” he said, cutting off at that point in the story, hoping that Kame would completely disprove him and just tell him to shut up, that he was getting fat and he needed to just deal with it.

But that never came. Instead, Kame scratched the back of his head in a distracted fashion, nodding and considering the possibility.

“You don’t thinkˇ” Uchi whispered, shaking his head in disbelief.

Kame shrugged.

“It would explain a lot, the punching, the amount of ice cream you consumed, the throwing up, pretty much everythingˇ it almost seems like too much to be a coincidence, doesn’t it?” Kame said quietly, not wanting to set Uchi off on another crying jag or be on the receiving end of another punch.

Uchi just stared at him, his jaw dropping as he shook his head wildly in denial.

“Look, just calm down! There’s only way to find out, right? We’ll find a doctor that we trust and see what’s going on, okay? Maybe there’s a logical explanation for this, right?” Kame said, not even trusting the words as he said them.

“Ohˇokay. Sure. Can I still stay at your place for awhile? My lease was up and I was going to stay with my parents while I looked for a new place, but if this shit is remotely true, I really can’t be around them,” Uchi said, looking nervously around Kame’s immaculate apartment, furnished sparsely, everything in its place.

Kame smiled and nodded. “No problem, I’ve got a spare room. It’s small, but I think it’ll do for now,” he gestured down the hallway.

“On second thought, I should probably carry those, due to your condition,” Kame said, trying to conceal his laughter as Uchi stooped to pick up his suitcases.

“Oh fuck you,” Uchi mumbled, momentarily back to his normal self.

Kame grinned.

-------

It had taken Kame a few days, but he had found a doctor that was a close family friend and also known for his immaculate practice and privacy. After arranging an appointment, Kame had told Uchi, who was gobbling down a packet of shrimp chips, as calmly as he could- worried that it might set Uchi off on another tirade about how he could do things on his own.

“Okay” was all Uchi said, to Kame’s relief, focused more on the boxing fight on the screen. He veered between cheesy Western romantic comedies and violent action thrillers, watching each in turn, flipping the channel as quickly as his moods changed. Kame had given up trying to figure out his tastes, but his choice did prove to be quite a barometer of his current state of mind.

Strangely enough, if he was watching a sappy romantic comedy, that was when he had to watch out for barbed words and possible fists flying. With the fight on, he was usually calm, although sometimes he would burst into crying fits.

His moods were even more unpredictable than any pregnant woman Kame had ever met, a veritable tornado of anger one moment, turning into a rainstorm of sadness the next. If Kame was a weatherman and Uchi was a region to predict for, Kame would be screwed trying to come up with a forecast beyond an hour.

The doctor visit went smoothly until the doctor came to deliver the news.

A worried look came across his face, and Uchi’s face fell.

“Don’t tell me there’s something really wrong with me, like really wrong? Am I going to turn into a girl? Am I going to die? Do I have cancer?” Uchi said, each word becoming more hysterical than the next.

“No, no no, it’s not like that. Simply put, and I really can’t explain it, you are pregnant. There is a child growing inside your stomach, and I don’t know how, but it’s healthy so far,” the doctor said.

Uchi froze in shock, staring down at his abdomen. Kame’s gaze followed, and their jaws both dropped.

“How?” Uchi said his voice barely audible. The doctor shrugged, not really able to answer that question anymore than they could.

“We could, you know, terminate,” the doctor began but Uchi cut him off with a fierce slashing motion of his hand.

“NO!” he said loudly, surprising himself with the force of his voice. Kame was a bit shocked at Uchi’s refusal, due to the fact that he was bemoaning his fat state earlier this morning and commenting that it better be something “easy” like a weird type of mono or something that left him bloated and cranky.

“I mean, no. If he or she is in there, I’d hate to have my first month of ugliness go to waste,” Uchi said his voice now neutral. Kame smiled behind his hand, knowing that Uchi was trying to mask his true emotions.

“If you wish,” the doctor said, nodding and noting a few things down on his clipboard, giving Uchi notes for what to do and what not to do, including dates for future appointments.

This was how Uchi Hiroki and Kamenashi Kazuya found themselves beginning down the strange path that would change their lives forever.

------

It was quickly deduced by both of them that with Kame still locked in to group commitments, Uchi would be home alone a lot of the time. Uchi was fine with this, having free reign of the fridge and the television. Kame was a bit worried, because even though Uchi was a perfectly capable responsible adult, he was a pregnant capable responsible adult.

When Kame voiced this concern, Uchi scoffed. “Would you treat a female like this if she was pregnant, stupid?” he said, boring holes in Kame’s head with his laser-like gaze. Kame conceded with this statement, knowing that it was true, he was courteous to pregnant co-workers and friends, but did not treat them like they would break if he turned his head and left them alone for a second.

They fell into a pattern, Kame leaving for work in the morning and leaving a sleeping Uchi in the spare room (Uchi needed to nap more than a kindergartner in the first few months), leaving enough tea (although it was herbal, no caffeine to Uchi’s chagrin) for Uchi to drink when he got up. Calling at noon to check to make sure everything was alright, half the time Uchi would answer half-awake, stumbling awake and searching for clean clothing.

Kame would come home from work with dinner, neither of the men wanting to cook, and the smell of the foods Kame could make well usually made Uchi vomit, so they stuck to the few foods that they knew wouldn’t make him nauseated. Unfortunately for Kame, this was limited to such a small range of foods that he would soon grow sick of seeing omelette rice and taiyaki. Even though he did love the red bean paste filled fish-shaped waffles, they got old very fast when they were one of five foods allowed in the house.

Trying to experiment, Kame brought home Indian one night and insisted that Uchi try it, thinking that perhaps a change from the usual would work, since Uchi didn’t seem to seem queasy whenever they passed the restaurant on the way to the supermarket.

Kame instantly regretted it the moment Uchi ran to the bathroom. No one slept that night as Uchi had the largest stomach cramps he had ever had, and Kame spent the better part of the night patting him on the back and fetching him water.

They weren’t sure how to explain it, so Uchi called in sick to Johnny, Kame backing up his story of being ill and not wanting to get anyone sick. Johnny took it surprisingly well, telling Uchi to make sure he didn’t get into trouble and to visit him once he felt up to it. This temporary hiatus rattled Uchi, who had grown to really like work, but Kame reassured him that it would be worth it when he had a healthy child.

Uchi was halfway into his second trimester and feeling better. The pattern and routine that they had developed suited his pace well, and he was putting on weight very nicely. The doctor was happily surprised with how well the baby was turning out, congratulating Uchi on following his instructions better than even most conventional mothers did, even the hardest rule for Uchi- the no caffeine rule.

The only odd thing was that they did a genetic sample, and the doctor could only find Uchi’s genes, nothing else in the mix that would seem to be different, so all of the genes were from somewhere in Uchi’s family.

Uchi was pretty sure the kid would be a genius, considering that he was both the father and mother, and couldn’t help but brag to Kame about every smart thing he and his sister did, even going as far as to show him baby pictures and point out how “fucking cute” he was.

Kame was very glad that Uchi was enthusiastic, but he noticed that Uchi was starting to show a bit too much to be walking around Tokyo without covering it up. Suggesting a flowy shirt or something like that didn’t work either; it was evident from Uchi’s fuller face and rounded abdomen that something was very different from him, and even though it wasn’t evident to the casual observer, he had already packed on at least 10 pounds on his previously very slender frame, which showed up immensely.

“Um. Uchi, I don’t know how to say this, but you really can’t go outside like this,” Kame said, waiting for the storm that he anticipated.

Uchi sighed, and looked down. “It really is impossible, isn’t it?” he sighed, splaying his fingers over his stomach which had popped out and looked like he had swallowed a small melon. Chewing his lower lip, he sighed and shrugged calmly.

“There really isn’t anything we can do about it, can we?” Uchi said, his face despondent but his tone attempting to stay neutral.

Kame shrugged, not being able to come up with a solution to their unique problem. He did know that he probably should start to divulge this information to other people, considering that it would eventually get out that Uchi had a daughter when he reappeared.

Uchi and Kame hatched a plan together to figure out whom to break it to first. The most important people, of course, would be Uchi’s parents, who Uchi had been fooling by using a cover story of studying English in San Francisco with a distant cousin. They had bought it, hook, line and sinker, especially since Kame was a whiz with Photoshop and made the photograph of Uchi by the Golden Gate Bridge look so real that if Uchi almost felt like he had visited it.

After that, came Johnny.

Swaddling Uchi in a giant coat and fedora, despite the weather, they both realized he looked weird, but they had no other choice as they clambered to Kame’s car, trying to avoid making a spectacle of themselves.

Uchi’s parents were shocked when Kame randomly knocked on their door, they knew who he was and had met him a few times, but hardly expected him to drop by on his one free afternoon. Eyeing the Uchi-size bundle of coat, sunglasses and fedora, Uchi’s father asked why he had brought Jin with him.

“I’m not that fat!” Uchi scoffed, and Uchi’s mother gaped at the strange creature that had taken the place of her beautiful Hiro-chan. After gathering her wits, she offered to let them both in, apologizing for her rudeness.

“Tea or coffee?” Uchi’s mother offered once they were seated in the living room.

“Oh no thanks, I can’t have caffeine!” Uchi chirped.

His father barely caught the teapot as it slid out of his mother’s grasp, nearly shattering on the floor.

------

“So, that’s the truth,” Uchi said, nodding, the t-shirt he had on showing his stomach quite clearly.

Kame coughed.

His parents looked like they had been struck by a bus.

“Um, that’s really unbelievable dear, but, you said, it’s just yours?” his mother said, trying to make some sense of the whole thing.

“Yup!” Uchi said, sounding optimistic even though his father looked pallid and ready to faint.

“Pregnant?” his father said, choking on the last syllable of the word.

“Yup,” Kame answered. “We have the ultrasounds even,” he offered a folder to Uchi’s father.

“No thank you Kame, thatˇis proof enough. And we believe Hiroki,” Uchi’s father said, blinking and shaking his head lightly as if to erase it like his brain was an Etch-a-Sketch.

“Soˇ” Uchi said, his voice trailing off as he looked between his parents, clearly worried.

“I’m confused but excited,” Uchi’s mother said decisively, nodding her head softly.

“Right dear?” she said, turning to Uchi’s father. Kame could see the steel death glare in her eyes even though Uchi couldn’t. Kame never had to wonder where Uchi received his “I dare you to disagree with me” face from ever again, shuddering in tandem with Uchi’s father.

“Yes dear, we are happy, our first grandchild! Your sister will be excited too!” Uchi’s father said, forcing the words out carefully.

Uchi smiled brightly, and Kame thought for a second that he really did see a “glow” about him.

Maybe it was the really bright overhead lights.

------

Their meeting with Johnny was a lot more straightforward.

“Uchi. Sit.” Johnny said, giving Kame a strange glance as to why he was there.

“Um, I’m pregnant but I still want to work and I know it sounds weird and like I’m a liar and stuff and that I’m off the wagon and stuff but I have a doctor and ultrasounds and I can prove it and you know that I wouldn’t lie about this after you gave me a ch-“ Uchi started to babble but fell silent when Johnny motioned for him to be quiet.

“I know, Dr. Kenzo told me everything,” Johnny said calmly.

Both Kame and Uchi blinked.

“YOU will have the child like you wanted, and then start working when you feel responsible enough to work and care for the child. YOU will get a week off when the child is born to help him out, but no more than that, got it?” Johnny asked, even though everyone in the room knew he was definitely asking in the rhetorical sense.

“Yessir,” they echoed, nodding as Johnny slid Uchi a business card.

“This hospital will respect your privacy. And might I suggest, if you want to go out again, try one of the tricks you used in the drama together,” Johnny said, ushering them both out of his office.

After thanking him, they walked down the hall, almost in a daze at the ease of the meeting.

“Did that really happen?” Uchi asked, his eyes widening as he met Kame’s.

“I think it did,” Kame said, smiling widely at the biggest obstacle they had cleared so far.

“But what did he mean by using one of the tricks we used?” Uchi asked, baffled and trying to review the drama backwards in his head, finding his memory a bit foggy.

“No idea, but I think I know who might be able to help us out,” Kame said, pulling out his cell phone.

------

“No. way. In. hell,” Uchi said, snarling as he looked at his reflection in the mirror.

“Aw come on, you look nice,” Tegoshi said, adjusting the bow he had placed on Uchi’s dark brown wig, fluffing the curls with his other hand.

“I’d do you,” Miyao said, nodding with pursed lips.

“Ew,” Uchi said, shaking his head and trying to walk away but finding himself corralled by an insistent Kame.

“This is the only way, Uchi, this is what Johnny meant by use one of the tricks we learned in the drama,” Kame said calmly, placing his hands gently on Uchi’s shoulders and steering him back to the mirror, where tons of make-up and hair product laid strewn across the counter.

From the multitude that Miyao managed to pilfer from the supply closet at the dance studio he usually practiced to the hefty load that Tegoshi had managed to findˇsomewhere, they had enough to outfit AKB-48.

“I look like a hooker,” Uchi whined after Kame plastered eyeliner on him, bemoaning the dark circles under his eyes. “I’m classy,” he said, threatening Kame if he came near him again with product of any sort.

Tegoshi rolled his eyes and shoved Kame aside.

“Let me fix it, Uchi,” Tegoshi said and smiled brightly up at Uchi. Uchi smiled back, relaxing as Tegoshi wiped off the incredibly heavy eyeliner and eyeshadow that Kame had smudged around his eyes.

“You already have a glow; you just need to enhance it!” Tegoshi said, talking to himself in a strange language that no one else understood as he corrected Kame’s mistake, one of bronzer and highlighting and arches. Kame thought both he and Miyao took pretty good care of their looks, but Tegoshi took it to another level.

“Dude, how do you know this stuff?” Miyao asked. Miyao personally only knew about stage makeup, the pancake-y stuff that he had to put on his face and body in order to look good under the lights, and usually a makeup artist or someone else would help him out with it.

“Girls love if you can help them with stuff like this,” Tegoshi smirked as he ran a blush brush over Uchi’s now full cheeks. “Help them with their makeup and clothing and you are a savior, and you understand things that no other straight male can,” he said, chuckling as he blew off the excess powder, dusting another mystery product over Uchi’s face.

“You sneaky little bastard,” Kame chuckled, shaking his head, the mystery of Tegoshi’s extensive knowledge of beauty products now solved.

Miyao was enraptured by this idea; now paying attention to Tegoshi’s every movement, memorizing it so he could use it later.

Uchi merely rolled his eyes at the three idiots around him, but he was so desperate for pizza and fresh air that he would do anything at that moment to eat some pepperoni.

It had been surprisingly easy and trauma-free when they had discovered Uchi’s condition. Miyao had merely said “Whoa”, asked if Uchi had grown boobs, and gotten punched. Tegoshi paled, asked if it was the amulet from the party and when Uchi nodded, apologized profusely.

He was shocked when Uchi merely shrugged instead of the anger he expected.

“It’s cool,” Uchi said, staring down at his stomach with a slight smile on his face.

As Tegoshi put the finishing touches on “Hiroko” Miyao and Kame were duly impressed. Even though he had had quite the canvas to work with (Uchi was quite pretty) “Hiroko” was, well, downright gorgeous.

From the artfully curled hair around his face to the carefully chosen dress in soft shades of green and blue that made the best of his slim calves and floated down from his chest and over his rounded bump, “Hiroko” was angelic. The pregnancy glow certainly showed up now.

“Um, I did take the liberty of inviting a few people,” Tegoshi said nervously, chewing his bottom lip.
“Oh that’s not bad, we can introduce him as our cousin or something, right?” Kame shrugged, thinking a few people wouldn’t be bad for Hiroki to hang out with since he was virtually confined within the walls of Kame’s apartment except for emergencies and doctor visits until they came up with this scheme.

“Yup, and it will be private,” Tegoshi said, giggling nervously.

Uchi didn’t like that sound one bit.

------

“Ooh, who’s that?”

“She’s so hotˇwait is she pregnant?”

“Who’d Kame knock up? Holy shit I thoughtˇ”

The whispers flew around Kame and Uchi as they entered together, “Hiroko” in full force, feet in ballet flats planted firmly on the floor even though he wanted to fall straight through it, the compliments making him uncomfortable and the lewd comments even moreso.

Everybody from NEWS, KAT-TUN and Kanjani Eight, Kusano and Jin were sitting around a corner room in a ritzy izakaya in Ginza. They were baffled as to why they were all here, but when Tegoshi had mentioned that this might be the best place to break it to all of them to Johnny, Johnny had though it was a good idea and helped round everyone up.

The muttering fell to a dull roar as Kame introduced Uchi as his cousin from Saitama. Many were baffled as they had no idea that Kame had family in Saitama, and wasn’t it really weird that he was just introducing her?

Uchi stayed silent for an hour, the drinks flowing for everyone but him, people getting progressively drunker and asking dumber and dumber questions until he couldn’t take it anymore.

Koki noted her lack of a wedding ring and mentioned he wouldn’t mind being her babydaddy.

Yamapi bemoaned the fact that his rack was bigger than hers.

Even Shige, usually quiet Shige, with a few beers in him, smirked and said one day he’d be a lawyer, and that he could take care of her.

“Fuck all of you drunken morons!” Uchi said the high faux voice he had been using before cracking to reveal his normal one.

They all stopped glasses halfway to their lips, eyes widening in horror.

Ryo coughed. “Youˇsound a lot like Uchi,” he said, counting the amount of beer he had and knowing that he had not had nearly enough to start imagining chicks sounding like Uchi.

“It’s because I am him, dumbass,” Uchi snarled, stomping over to Ryo and picking him up by the collar. Ryo blinked and stared Uchi straight in the eyes, too startled to do anything else.

“Holy shit, it is you,” he breathed and Uchi released him.

“Seriously?” Subaru asked, feeling really dirty that he had checked out “Hiroko’s” ass for at least a half-hour.

“Yup, it’s Uchi!” Tegoshi chirped, smiling as he carefully removed Uchi’s wig to reveal very long yet still very masculine hair.

“Oh my god,” Koyama screeched, flying to his side. “You are okay, right? We didn’t hurt your feelings or anything and the baby’s okay, right? RIGHT?” Koyama said, the few pina coladas in his bloodstream hitting him full-force.

Uchi smiled at Koyama’s over-protectiveness and nodded. “I’m fine, Kei, don’t worry,” he said, patting his hand. Koyama released the breath he had been holding, Shige dragging him away, avoiding eye contact with Uchi after his “I’m a lawyer and can take care of you baby” diatribe (which may or may not have been encouraged by Ryo).

“So, now what?” Nakamaru asked, still confused as to what exactly was going on, his mind not completely processing the fact that Uchi was knocked up and rather attractive as a woman (he could only handle so much at once).

“Well, we figured it would come out sooner or later, and I’d rather you know now, so there’s no question when I show up with a son or daughter later on, and the scandal won’t get out, blah blah blah, you know,” Uchi said, shrugging and putting his wig back on.

“I still can’t get over how hot you are,” Koki said, shaking his head at the loss.

“Tell me about it,” Yoko said, still thinking about it.

“Don’t even think about it,” Uchi growled, giving Yoko the “don’t even fuck with me” face he had learned first from his mother and perfected over the past months.

Yoko paled and nodded. “Not thinking about you I swear!” he stuttered, arms crossed in a “X”.

Uchi rolled his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me man?” Ryo said, appearing a bit hurt.

“Iˇwas afraid you would think I was a freak,” Uchi said, looking down.

“We already knew that,” Yasu added, leading to a smack from Maruyama.

“So what names do you have picked out?” Koyama said, smiling at Uchi as if he was just Uchi, nothing more and nothing less.

“Well I was thinking of a fewˇ” Uchi started.

------

The rest of the “party” went surprisingly well, with Uchi being apologized to and plans for the impending infant arrival being hashed out. Koyama’s sister had plenty of things leftover from her two boys, and many of the other members had resources available that would be available for Uchi to use from baby clothes to babysitters.

It was altogether a relaxing day, until Kame and Uchi reached his apartment and Uchi grabbed his stomach with panicked eyes.

“Kame, I thinkˇoh god. The baby,” he said, his hands clutching the life inside of him as if the baby were already there.

He didn’t have to say anything more, as Kame had already started to bring Uchi to the backseat of the car, slinging a blanket over him.

------

Uchi was bedridden for the last two months of his condition. In a private room at the hospital Johnny recommended to him, the only people that visited him were those that were on the short list of people Uchi had given permission to (those that already knew).

Kame had managed to sneak him into the hospital in full drag, although he couldn’t contain his laughter when the nurse asked him how his pretty wife was doing and when what would more than likely be the most beautiful baby in the world would be due.

After he was checked in, they took him upstairs and it was disguised as a severe case of a gastrointestinal disorder (mostly because the obstetrics ward was not very far from that wing of the hospital) and all Uchi could do was wait.

And eat lots of pudding and ice cream that Kame smuggled in.

He steadily put on weight and was healthy after the initial shock of the night of the party. However, he declined to know the sex of the baby, preferring for it to be a surprise until he or she entered the world. He was ready for whatever the universe game him, as long as it was a healthy child.

The endless hours spent unoccupied, with nothing to do but think, led him to be somewhat fearful of the whole situation. He was not afraid of the physical part, as doctors had assured him that it would be a delicate procedure, but they could guarantee that he would be okay and so would the baby.

Not even the financial parts scared him. He knew he could make enough to take care of a kid on his own. That wasn’t even a part of the worries entering his head.

It was the emotional part, being able to care for a child all on his own that had his head reeling and his heart hurting whenever he felt the life brewing within him kick at the now elastic skin of his stomach. The concept that he would have to support someone all by himself scared the living hell out of him, but he didn’t want to worry anybody around him anymore than they already were with his situation, so he kept it to himself.

That is until the pain in his stomach increased to the point where he couldn’t take it anymore and he felt like something was clawing him from the inside out.
First, he called the doctors. Then, he called Kame and Ryo.

Who called everybody else.

So once all was said and done, the majority of the jimusho was crammed into his birthing suite until they were kicked out down the hall to a private waiting room (this place was used to dealing with celebrities).

Kame and Ryo walked with him as his gurney was pulled into the delivery room.

“I’m so fucking scared dude, how am I going to take care of a kid on my own?” Uchi whispered to both of them, his eyes wider than Kame thought possible.

“You aren’t alone dude,” Ryo said hoarsely, tears glimmering in his eyes.

“Look at everyone who came to be with you, we’ll help you raise him or her, they can be a part of the really fucked-up family we have going, with a bunch of really messed-up uncles,” Kame said, and Uchi chuckled.

“Good luck!” Ryo and Kame called as Uchi gave them both the finger.

“He’ll be fine,” Ryo said, nudging Kame with an elbow as Kame stood rooted to the spot.

------

All of the men stood around the waiting room, flipping channels, running to the cafeteria for food, getting room service, anything to distract themselves from focusing on the situation that was playing out.

Even though it was very weird that a friend was having a baby, and it was, in fact, a dude, they still cared for Uchi even if they didn’t show it on the surface. People paced back and forth, texted each other even though they were sitting next to each other, anything and everything to not think about where he currently was.

About six hours later, the doctors finally came in.

“Uchi is sleeping, but he is safe and she’s fine, getting cleaned off and ready to be handed back to Uchi,” the doctor said, smiling at the men gathered in the room, who had all stopped with his entrance, phones put away and food left untouched, hanging on to every word that came out of his mouth.

“So it’s a girl?” Ryo asked quietly, smiling at the thought of a tiny baby with Uchi’s face (which he had thought always rightfully belonged to a girl anyways).
“Yup, and perfectly safe and sound,” the doctor said.

After telling the group that Uchi could be visited in about an hour in small groups of three or four, the room erupted into utter chaos as they began to janken for who received rights after Kame, Tegoshi, Miyao and Ryo visited first.

Establishing a visiting schedule (Kame broke out his scheduling book to everyone’s horror), they all watched the clock for an hour to go by, the hands taking their sweet time, torturing everyone, especially those in the first group.

The moment it hit on the hour, they ran down the hallway to Uchi’s room, Tegoshi almost smacking into the wall with how fast he was running.

“Say hello to your uncles,” Uchi said quietly, smiling down at the pink-swaddled bundle in his arms and then up at the men now surrounding his bed.

She was gorgeous, with fair skin like Uchi’s, eyes a slightly lighter brown than his but alive with a spark as she looked around the room with curiosity.

“She’s perfect,” Tegoshi said softly, reaching out to touch the wispy dark hairs on her head.

“Duh, she’s mine, of course she is,” Uchi said, his eyes barely moving from his daughter.

“What did you decide to name her?” Ryo said, already in love with the squirming flail-y little girl who was staring at him.

“I debated. Keiko, Ryoko, Kameko, after all you guys since you were the ones who were there for me and will be there for her. But it just didn’t feel right when I met her. None of them fit. So I went withˇNozomi, because it means ‘wish’ or ‘hope’ and wellˇlook at her,” Uchi said, smiling down at her again.

The men in the room all fell silent.

“And if any of you make fun of it, I will kill you!” he added, narrowing his eyes at each of them in turn.

Kame smiled and looked at Nozomi, who flailed a tiny fist and burst out screaming, leaving Uchi looking very confused and dismayed.

Everyone except for Uchi laughed, who pressed the nurse call button frantically.

“I think it’s perfect for her,” Kame said.

------

Omake

----Three years later---

“DADDY! BLUE CRAYON!” Nozomi screeched, pointing to the sky of the giant coloring book that Koyama had bought her, full of kana characters that she was supposed to be learning. She was far more interested in drawing mustaches on the characters like Kusano had shown her.

“Here you go, No-chan,” Uchi said quietly, smiling at his exuberant daughter. She was spread across the floor of the drama break room. He had the luck of being cast in another drama with Kame and Shige, who both adored No-chan and thankfully, she adored them back (she was still a little wary of Junno and Ohkura because they were both so tall).

“Daddy, when is Yuuko coming again to visit?” she asked clumsily, the words tripping off of her tongue. Still, Uchi thought she was a genius, she could write her name already (nobody had the heart to tell him otherwise).

Shige snorted when he heard that, loosening his tie as he came in. The drama was about a law firm so everyone wore suits, even Uchi, who was carefully trying not to crease his pants as he sat on the floor.

“I told you No-chan, it’s Tegoshi-nii-chan, not Yuuko, he’s a boy,” Uchi insisted for the hundredth time since Nozomi had began to talk.

She looked at him with disbelief, and shrugged as if giving up (but she knew the truth).

“Does Shige-nii want to come teach me ‘bout stuff?” she said, grinning up at Shige and pointing at him with her crayon.

“Of course! You look very pretty today, did Daddy buy you your dress?” Shige asked, melting at the very sight of the adorable little girl.

All of her “nii-chans” couldn’t resist her, which was resulting in her getting everything she wanted, but she wasn’t spoiled, just loved a lot by her father and everyone else.

Uchi thought he was the luckiest man in the world.

“So this is how you can draw the kanji for sky, see?” Shige drew it for Nozomi, who dutifully copied it to the best of her ability.

“I hope you are teaching her Japanese,” Uchi sighed. “Koyama already babbles to her in Korean and the last time I let Kusano and Jin watch her for just fifteen minutes when I had to run to the store, the next thing I know, she’s asking me what ‘Lovejuice’ is,” he said, sighing.

“Of course, I’m teaching her the best Japanese ever, right No-chan?” Shige asked, pumping his fist in the air.

“Of course Shige-nii!” Nozomi said, repeating his gesture. She thought Shige-nii was really cool, much to the amusement of her other “nii-chans”.

“How’s my girl?” Kame said, striding back into the dressing room.

“KAZU-NII” Nozomi screeched, flying from Shige’s lesson to Kame’s arms.
He picked her up and swung her about a bit before putting her down.

If Shige-nii was really cool in Nozomi’s eyes, Kame-nii was the coolest ever.

Uchi smiled and called Nozomi back over so he could get her ready to go eat lunch.

As he looked over his smiling daughter and his friends around him, he smiled.

Nozomi really was a wish come true, even if he didn’t know he made that wish until after it was granted.