[One-shot] - A rose without its thorn #birthday angst sex
Title: A rose without it’s thorn
Author: aprilchaos_88
Prompt: #birthday angst sex
Pairing: Ryoda
Genre: Romance, drama, OOC
Length: 3611 words
Disclaimer: Johnny talent belong to Johnny & Associates, satisfied?
Summary: The war should be over, he should be back, but days after days, there's still no news about him.
He was waiting. He believe one day he will come back to him.
One day, he's back. But their relationship will never be the same again...
Warning: This is quite a disturbing fic, so be warned. No, this is a very disturbing fic, so be much much warned.
*********************************
Ueda ran his slender fingers on the surface of the glass frame in his hand. So much to his despair, a single tear dropped on two smiling faces in the picture. Ueda quickly wipe the tears with his long sleeves. It was before another tear spilled and more and more until he had no strength left to stop it altogether.
A strong wind rattled the windowpane in front of him. Ueda looked up to see that it has started raining. He put the picture frame back into the drawer and walked towards the window. Outside, he can’t see even a single star on the sky. It was pitch black, like his heart. He has heard the news. The news of Japanese battalion back from war. He has seen some of the soldiers arrived safely to their house and into the warmth of their family. And he has planted hope that Ryo will be back too since there’s no soldiers come to his home to report Ryo’s died or gone missing.
But days have turned weeks and still there’s no news about his boyfriend. Still, Ueda didn’t give up hope. Every day, he prayed for Ryo’s safety and eventually come back to him. His heart refused to accept the possibility that Ryo might not be in this world anymore. No, it cannot be like that. Slowly, ray of lights appeared forming a thin line from where the sky end and the earth begin. It was supposed to be a beautiful morning but Ueda can’t see a beautiful world anymore without Ryo in his life.
“Happy birthday, Ryo,” he whispered softly.
Ueda let the window opened and prepared himself to get to work.
* * *
When the sun already high up in the sky, a man was still attending to his farm. Sweat poured down his face wetting his shirt. All of that didn’t bother him a bit. He has to finish hauling all the fruits and vegetables to be sold at the market or he wouldn’t have money to light the fire in his kitchen this month. From afar, he heard hurried steps coming towards him from behind.
“Ueda-san! Ueda-san!” a voice mingled with ragged breath frantically calling his name. Ueda turned his head towards the owner of the voice.
“Ueda-san, you are not going to believe this!” a young country boy named Sho said, his face glowered with excitement. Ueda raised his eyebrows in confusion.
“What is it, Sho-kun?” he felt nervous all of sudden.
“It’s Nishikido-san! He’s back, right there!! I saw him coming here!” he shouted excitedly pointing to the path next to him. “Ah, he’s here!”
Ueda looked at where Sho pointed at and immediately tears formed at the corner of his eyes. Sho shouted excitedly along the way back to his home at the end of the road. Ueda put down his tools and stood up. His heart beat faster as Ryo walked closer. Ryo looked exactly like Ueda remember him before he went to war a year ago. His hair was still deep black and his moustache left untrimmed. His shirt was torn and dusty and always looks like it need to be replaced.
Lastly as their eyes met, Ueda saw his lips curled into a wide smile. A crooked smile he’s been waiting for, been haunting his dream for more than a year.
“Hime, I’m home,” Ryo said in the husky voice of his. Ueda tears spilled for real and he ran into his boyfriend’s hug. As he felt Ryo muscular arms flexing around him, he cried uncontrollably. Ryo tightened his hug as Ueda’s body shook wildly in his arms. Ryo kissed his head until Ueda calmed down.
“Miss me?” Ryo teased him. Ueda glared at him but it didn’t last a second.
“I want to go home now,” he said. “Come on.”
* * *
That night, they lie down on the bed side by side, limbs entangling with each other. Ryo fiddled with Ueda’s soft hair, inhaling the sweet addicting scent of his.
“What happened to you? Why are you late?” Ueda asked. He looked into Ryo’s eyes as they lay facing each other. Ryo broke the contact but pulled him closer.
“I’m sorry. But I want you to know I love you the most in the world. Whatever happened, remember that,” he said. Ueda didn’t replied nor look at him. Instead he felt something is not right with his boyfriend. Its not the same Ryo he knew before. Ueda get up a little and tried to kiss Ryo at his lips but Ryo quickly looked away. Ueda felt a slight pang in his heart. He fell asleep that night looking at the back of Ryo’s black hair, wondering.
* * *
“Do you remember?”
“What?”. Ueda pouted
“Happy birthday, Ryo!” he said anyway, holding out a gift. It’s so much fun to just let go. Ueda stared at Ryo, smiling his best smile for his boyfriend. Ryo looked slightly taken aback. Hesitantly, he took the gift at Ueda’s hand. Ueda urged him to open it. Ryo bit his lips. He put the gift down on the table and stood up.
“Tatsuya, I want to break up with you,” Ryo said. Ueda looked at Ryo wide eyed in shock.
“What are you saying?” he asked unbelievably. Ryo took a deep breath and faced his boyfriend again.
“I want to break up with you,” he repeated. Ueda sat back on the chair. His head start throbbing painfully.
“I fucking wait for you and yet you came back saying you don’t love me anymore?”
“I…love you but we weren’t meant to be together. You’ll find a person that will love you more than me,” Ryo said. He started walking back to their bedroom.
“Please don’t do this to me, Ryo,” Ueda plead. Ryo’s heart clenched painfully but he kept on walking.
In the room, he picked up his clothes and belongings and put it back into his bag. He opened the drawer beside their shared bed and took out the picture frame of both of them. They were both smiling. It’s really not fair, he thought. How can they be so happy? Where did the happiness disappear?
He heard Ueda in the room, sobbing. He’s hurting, Ryo’s hurting, and they both are. But Ryo can’t possibly look back at what he did.
“Is it because I’m not good enough?” Ueda asked. Ryo shook his head. “No, it’s not.”
“Has the love simply disappeared from your heart? Is it because of the war? Have you found someone to share your pain in the period when I’m not there?”
“No, Tatsuya. No!” Ryo said furiously. Ueda felt the wound in his heart just bled more.
“Then, tell me! Tell me why!” Ueda demanded.
“Is it because I’m a man?” Ueda asked again when Ryo didn’t answer. “It is, isn’t it-” Ryo suddenly threw his bag to Ueda’s direction in anger. The bag hit the wall beside Ueda. Ueda trembled in shock and disbelief.
“Don’t say that! You don’t have any right to say that!” Ryo yelled. He held his hand in a fist. He took a deep breath, swallowing any tears that threaten to fall.
“I can’t make you happy. I- I’m not even sure if I’m still a man anymore,” Ryo said, his tone soften. Ueda trembling subsided as he saw tears in Ryo’s eyes.
Slowly, Ryo unzipped his pants and stripped off of his boxer. Ueda gasped as the belt hit the floor. Upon watching Ueda’s expression, Ryo felt so ashamed with himself. He had known this will happen. He shouldn’t have come back. Ryo dropped on his knees.
“I was thinking of killing myself but I really wanted to see you. I want to see you so badly,” Ryo said slowly. He looked down at his own hand as he can’t bear to look at Ueda. Ueda snapped out of the shock as Ryo spoke. He covered his mouth with his hand to keep his cries from being heard. He tore his eyes of Ryo’s body to his face. Ueda just now realize the how much pain inflicted on Ryo’s face. That’s the difference he’s been looking for. He was so blinded of self sympathy to realize Ryo was suffering.
Ryo looked up to him. He can see the disappointment in his eyes. But Ueda can’t bring himself to move. Ryo quickly looked away again. His hand fumbling the zip trying to keep any pride he had left. He felt so exposed and ashamed.
“I’m sorry, Tatsuya. I know I shouldn’t have come here,” the tears he’s been holding gushed down wetting his cheeks, blurring his vision making it more difficult for his fumbling hands.
“This is a mistake. I’m sorry,” he was crying so hard now and his body shook violently that it’s near impossible to do the zip. More tears spilled because all he wanted right now is for his beloved not to have to witness the shame he brought.
Suddenly, a gentle hand was placed on his shaking hand, keeping him from trying.
“Ryo, stop trying so hard, please,” a quivered voice of his lover made him stop. Ueda wipe away the tears on his cheek. He can see now Ueda beautiful façade so close to him as Ueda kneeled in from of him. Ueda’s face was so soothing. Ueda straightened his back, placed his hand at the back of Ryo’s head and brought him closer to his chest.
“I don’t care what become of you. I love you not because of your body,” Ueda whispered in his ear.
“I can’t possibly make you happy,” Ryo cried.
“My happiness is with you. Without you, I’ll never be happy.” Ryo was hesitating whether to touched Ueda’s body. He really wanted to drown in his lover’s warmth and forgetting all his misery. But he knew he can’t. Suddenly, Ryo pushed Ueda off him.
“No, look at me. Just look at me! I’ve been cut to my root. I’ve got nothing left. I’ve lost all my desires for you. I’m just an empty shell who don’t deserve to be loved-”
“Fuck that!” Ueda snapped. Ryo met with his glare. Ueda was fuming with anger.
“I’ve see you, all of you and what? You’ve got no balls, so? I don’t see anything wrong with that! You are still my Ryo. The one I love.” Ueda moved forward and tried to hug Ryo again.
“I will do anything to make you desire for me again,” he said.
“Is that even possible?”
“Yes, it’s possible,” Ueda replied. He swept Ryo off his feet and Ryo put his hand around Ueda’s neck in reflex. Carefully, Ueda brought him to their room.
* * *
Ueda reached for Ryo’s shirt to take it off but his hand was stopped by Ryo.
“Tatsuya, I’m scared,” he said to the man on top of him. Deep in his heart, he felt so blessed. He had never seen his princess on top of him before. And now he can’t get enough of it. Under the dim light, Ueda’ shone beautifully. His white skin glowed like pearl in the deepest of seven seas. His copper hair tucked behind his ear fell softly touching his cheeks. He was simply mesmerizing. But, that’s it. There’s a pretty creature on top of him but he didn’t get any excited. Ryo can feel without looking that Ueda was having a hard on. He knew just by looking at the pink flushed cheek. He has seen it many times before. He treasured it in him all the time during the war. It’s the only thing that keeps him alive, keep him fighting.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
Ueda leaned down and crashed their lips together. Ueda felt a little disappointed when Ryo didn’t respond to the kiss. He licked Ryo’s lips sensually asking him permission to enter. Ryo opened his mouth letting Ueda’s tongue to slid in. Ueda began kissing him roughly, sucking on Ryo’s tongue. But then he felt tears on Ryo’s face forcing him to stop.
“I- I can’t do it, Tatsuya. I can’t feel anything,” Ryo said between his cries.
“Shush, baby. Don’t cry. It’s okay. Everything is going to be alright,” Ueda coaxed. All the disappointment he felt earlier disappeared into thin air watching Ryo’s pain.
Ueda began kissing on Ryo’s neck. He licked on the same spot, and kissed it again. He sensed Ryo stillness but he didn’t give up. Ueda licked on his adam’s apple up to his chin. When he felt Ryo shuddered, he felt like crying. Ueda slid his fingers between Ryo’s fingers and clasped their hands together. Ueda bit not so gentle on Ryo’s collarbone, and sucked on it afterwards while his left hand played with Ryo’s left nipple. His teeth grazed on Ryo’s sweaty skin painfully slow to his nipple. Ryo breath hitched. He licked the tip of the darkened nub once, twice-
“Hime…” ueda’s cock twitched in anticipation and he took the whole nub into his mouth, sucking hardly on it.
“Ahhh,” a low moan escaped Ryo’s mouth and shot straight to Ueda’s twitching member like electric shock. Ueda detached his lips, groaning in pleasure. Ryo grabbed Ueda’s tense arm, tugging on it.
“Kiss me,” he begged. Ueda looked up on him. Ryo’s black orbs glazed with tears.
“Baby, you’re back,” Ueda said happily. He crawled on him until they were face to face. They stare at each other for seconds before Ryo pushed Ueda’ neck down and kissed him, hungrily, desperately. Ueda kissed him back with as much passion. Ryo support Ueda’s neck with his right hand and flipped him over, reversing their position. Ueda whimpered in their kiss as his head hit the pillow.
Ryo let go of Ueda, biting on the lower lips before dropping kisses on his neck. Ueda moaned shamelessly under his ministration. Ryo lifted his head, admiring the red patch he made on Ueda’s white skin.
“I’d forgotten how beautiful you are, naked under me.” Ueda blushed hard. Pink hue appeared on his cheek, making him more adorable than before. Suddenly Ryo went down, spread Ueda’s leg wide and settled in between his pale thigh. Ueda sat up automatically, blushing harder since Ryo was currently watching his erected manhood intensely.
“Ryo,” Ueda speak in embarrassment. There’s no response from him. “Ryo?” Ueda addressed him again.
“I’m scared. I was really scared of the world,” Ryo whispered. Ueda quickly pulled Ryo smaller frame into his hug. Ryo tears spilled against his will. Ueda knew he was traumatized. Gently he rubbed behind Ryo’s back. He felt Ryo’s tears wetting his shoulder.
“You’ve bear the pain enough all by yourself. But I won’t let anyone hurt you again,” Ueda said.
“It was so painful in the prison. I’m hurting and cold. It’s hurting me so much I felt like killing myself all the time. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. All I think is the pain,” Ryo said, muffling his cries in Ueda’s shoulder. Ueda’s heart shattered in pieces. He can’t imagine letting Ryo going through the entire nightmare by himself. He felt like a useless bastard.
“No one’s there for me. Even you’re not there,” Ryo cried.
“I’m here now. I’m here for you,”
“I will make you forget all those horrible memories,” Ueda coaxed.
“Make me forget. Make love to me, Tatsuya,” Ryo said, looking at his lover face, his only sanctuary.
Slowly, Ueda pushed Ryo to lie down on the mattress. He palmed Ryo’s abs, running his hand lower, all the time kissing him continuously on his forehead, his face, his shoulder, his chest, everywhere he can reach. Ueda touched the place where Ryo’s cock supposed to be. All that’s left was a horrible scar which breaks Ueda’s heart more. He fondled at it lovingly, leaning down and pressed his lips on it. He felt Ryo squirming, his breath ragged, low moans escaped his lips. It’s the most beautiful sound Ryo ever made. Thus, Ueda licked on it passionately, sucking until precum wetting his tongue. Ueda lifted his face, surprised. Ryo flushed sweaty face looked back at him.
“Hime, I want you in me now,” he begged. Ueda pecked on his lips. He was definitely in cloud nine. He don’t want anything but to comply.
Ueda lifted Ryo up from his lying. He help positioned Ryo on his waiting cock. Ryo wrapped his hand around Ueda’s sweaty back. Slowly, Ueda pushed him down. Ryo let out a scream as he felt Ueda’s cock stretching his tight hole. He dug his nails into the flesh to fight with the pain. Ueda groaned of the tightness that clamping around his engorged gland. Rush of pleasure spread through every vein in his body and it took all of his willpower not to start thrusting. It’s Ryo first time and he has sworn he won’t hurt him again.
“Ryo, are you ok?” he asked.
“Nnnhh…I…ahhh!” Ryo moaned when Ueda accidentally moved and hit his prostate. His eyes filled with tears but not from pain but from the pleasure being with his lover.
Ueda began thrusting in faster to hear more of the moans elicited from Ryo’s mouth. It’s drugging his system and shot straight to his cock. He has never top his boyfriend before and he’s not going to regret doing it now.
“Ryo, you felt so good,”
“Nnnhh, hah. I’m going to come,” Ryo whimpered.
“Do it. Come for me.” Ryo bit on Ueda’s shoulder as he come but seconds after his let out a high moans as he felt Ueda’s coming. Ueda comes inside Ryo, feeling very complete.
Ueda stepped out of the bathroom after their lovemaking session. He saw Ryo lied on the bed facing the wall, showing his back. The blanket was barely covering his body, showing his glorious naked body for Ueda to see. Ueda never realized how muscular he is, or how tiny his waist is. He sat at the edge of the bed. Faintly, he can hear sobs coming from Ryo. The smile immediately disappeared from his face. Ueda scooted closer to him and put his head on Ryo’s shoulder.
“Ryo, please don’t cry,” Ueda begged softly. Ryo wipe his tear with his hand.
“I get emotional so easily these days,” Ryo tried to joke. Ueda traced the hint of sadness in his words.
“Even if you are a crybaby, its okay cause you are my baby,” Ueda said and kissed his cheek. Ryo managed to smile and turn around to look at his lover’s face.
“So cute. Your puffy eyes so cute when you cry,” Ueda said. Ryo blushed but he can’t help feeling happy of the compliment.
“Ah! I forgot. Wait here!” Ueda said and disappeared to the kitchen. Ryo looked at his boyfriend's antics in confusion.
"Tatsuya!" Ryo called for him after Ueda has left him for a little too long. he was just about to go search for him when Ueda dashed into the room. he stood in front of his confused boyfriend, holding out a box. It's the gift from earlier. Ryo took the small pretty box from him.
"What-"
"Open it. It's your birthday present," Ueda said, smiling like an angel. Slowly, Ryo opened the box revealing the most beautiful ring he's ever saw. Ueda took the ring and kneeled in front of Ryo.
"Will you marry me?" Ueda asked.
"No," Ryo answered, almost too instant. Ueda felt like being stab with thousands swords with Ryo cold answer. The hand holding the ring dropped to the floor. But why?
"I don't want you to spend your entire life with someone like me," Ryo said, still so cold. Like it didn't matter an ounce to him.
"Someone like you? What do you mean with that?" Ueda asked him, there's a bitterness in the question.
"One day, sooner or later, you'll get sick of me. You will want more than what I can give you. We love each other, yes, but the reality is no fantasy, Tatsuya," there's no more coldness in his tone. Ryo was simply trying to protect his heart from being hurt again. And to protect the only man he will ever love in his life. Ueda looked down, to the ring in his hand. It's glitter looked so promising. Like it has the power to bind two hearts together. It's that a lie? So, what's the truth? Is their love is a lie too?
"Hime," Ryo reached out his hand to touch his lover. He swear to God, he love him more than anything, even more than his life.
"I'll prove to you that you are wrong," Ueda said suddenly, looking straight into his eyes. Ryo's hand come to a halt.
Uda threw the ring away. He stood up, sat on the bed next to Ryo and wrapped his arms around Ryo's smaller body.
"I will prove to you that my love to you won't change. I don't need the ring. i don't need marriage. It's enough just you by my side. I'm not letting you go forever," Ueda said. He kissed Ryo cheeks passionately. It's wet.
The ring left forgotten at the corner of the room.
OWARI!~~~~
A small note from author:
From the small research I made around the net LOL (I even read a journal!) there’s a different between castration and penectomy. A man who was castrated usually will lose their sexual desires over time due to the lack of testosterone produce from testes. They tend to get more emotional than normal man. But they can have normal sex, orgasms with increase stimulation but of course their cumm will be sperm free..hehe. For penectomy, only their penis is cut and it will not affect their sexual life because penis is just an extension to the urethra and the balls is still intact
*I’m officially a man expert now or a man pervert, you can call that too*