#20 I Don't Want to be a Virgin Anymore
Title: I Don’t Want to be a Virgin Anymore
Pairing: RyoDa
Rating: NC-17/R
Warning: language and two-faced characters, long :D
Summary: Somebody’s been in a sexual rut lately and kinda needs a way out. Well, there’s no going back now.
“Ossu! So? Are we hittin’ the dance floor now or- woah, what’s up with you guys?” Pi stares his friends up and down, confused. Wasn’t it Jin who invited them? So why does the guy look like he hasn’t slept a wink in seventy-two hours? And surely the bags under Ryo’s eyes weren’t that bad when they left work.
“Eh? Oh, hi Pi. Wanna drink? I refuse to dance tonight- just needed some background noise,” Jin mumbles, shoving a beer across the table.
Pi blinks. And blinks again. He takes the beer. He nods to Jin. He looks to Ryo, who’s still just staring at his own drink. A vanilla vodka with coke, if the colour’s any indication. Must’ve been a bad day. “Ryo-chan?”
Ryo looks up as if from a dream… a very bad dream. “Yo. When did you get here?”
Jin eyes him like he’s grown a couple extra noses. “Dude, you okay?”
Ryo shakes his head. “Guys… I’ve got a confession to make…”
“You didn’t finish writing your solo? I swear man, if you tell me you’ve got writer’s block again I’m gonna-”
“No! It’s not that. It’s… kay, promise not to laugh?”
There’s a pause. “I’m not sure I can make that promise,” well, at least Jin’s honest.
“I’ll do my best.”
“… Guys, I-I… oh fuck it, never mind.”
“Wait-what?! You can’t just tell us you’ve got a confession and then not confess!!”
Ryo suddenly looks very pale, and Pi sits down next to him, putting an arm around Ryo’s shoulders. “It’s okay,” Pi encourages. “You can tell us anything, right Jin? We won’t ditch you when you need our help.”
Ryo snorts, a dejected sound. “You’re gonna- whatever. Guys, I don’t wanna be a virgin anymore,” he sighs, sounding part resigned, part exasperated.
“Y-You… wait, what?” Pi chokes out as Jin spits out the gulp of beer he just chugged. “JIN! DUDE, THAT’S GROSS!!”
“B-b-but, Ryo-chan!! What’re you t-talking about?!” Jin splutters. “You haven’t been a virgin for… for…”
“I KNOW! I know… I mean… well, I’ve always been straight, right? Or, I thought I was. But recently, I mean, guys just don’t… look the same anymore. And I’m sick of waking up with a hard-on every fucking morning after dreaming about some… some GUY!! I wanna know what it’s actually like, you know? But who the Hell am I gonna go to? I mean come on! I’m the Sexy Osaka Man! I can’t just walk up to some random guy and say, ‘Hey, you’re cute. Will you fuck me?’ NO!”
Pi blinks. And blinks again. “W-where did that come from…? Kay, you know what, we’ll find you someone-”
“We will?” Jin sets down his drink: there doesn’t seem to be any chance of swallowing any of it at this point.
Pi smacks Jin on the head. “Of course we will! What’re friends for? Ne, Ryo-chan, have you told anyone else yet?”
Ryo shakes his head. “No one,” he whispers, looking a little traumatized.
“Well, why don’t we stick in the jimusho? There are enough gays and bi’s there that you can surely find someone, right?”
“Well, I guess…”
“What about…” he stops to think. Koyama? No, somehow, Koyama seems like a bad idea at this point. Plus, he might have an aneurism if they told him. “Uh… Tesshi?”
Jin looks like he’s gonna faint and Ryo looks horrified. “No way… I mean I tease with him and all, but it’s just fan-service. Plus the thought of him in bed kinda…” he shudders, “freaks me out.”
Pi thinks about it. Pi promptly regrets thinking about it. “What about Eito? Anyone there? I mean, they all seem pretty… you know.”
Ryo pouts a bit, wondering, staring into his drink. Jin chances a sip of his own, suddenly wishing he wasn’t quite so sober as an idea occurs to him. Ryo pipes up first though, saying, “No… I don’t think I could handle working with any of them after that… it’s gotta be someone I don’t see too often…”
Jin’s idea is suddenly seeming very good, in a very bad kinda way. “Uhm… what about…urmdeha…” he can’t bring himself to say the name aloud.
Two people go, “Eh?”
“…U-Ueda…” he mumbles.
Two people repeat, “EH?!”
“YOU HEARD ME THAT TIME!!”
“But isn’t that guy kinda…”
“He seems a little…”
“Shy.”
“Closed-off.”
“Doesn’t seem to put-out much, ya know?”
Jin looks away, a flush growing rapidly on his cheeks, and two pairs of eyes go really wide.
“You didn’t…” Pi’s voice is a whisper.
“No way…”
Jin coughs, takes a swig of his drink and when the burn recedes he mutters, “Y-Yeah. I did.” A little louder, he continues, “You guys wouldn’t know cause we sorta keep it… well, within the unit, you know, but when there’s too much shit happening and we just can’t handle it, well, we go to…”
“Ueda?!” Pi can’t seem to wrap his mind around the idea. “Ueda?!”
“What is he, the group slut?”
“… Kinda?” Jin tries out a smile.
“… Well, if you want someone to go to…” Pi seems to understand it a bit now. “I guess… he’s your best choice, right?”
“But… Fishlips?!”
“Oi! Those are damn skilled lips!” Jin blurts out, before slapping a hand over his mouth and curling into a foetal position in his chair, hiding his face.
Pi looks a little faint now, all Leaderly calm fast dissipated. “And all this time, I thought you were straight…”
Ryo guffaws. “Seriously? Hasn’t he been having a ‘thing’ with Kamenashi for a while now?”
“… It’s Junno…”
“WHAT?!”
Ryo starts shaking his head, quite possibly to rid the images from his mind. “I don’t even wanna know what else goes on in that group… at least NEWS is okay at keeping to ourselves.”
“Well, except…”
“Shige’s an exception. He’d probably give anyone a blowjob if he thought it’d get him somewhere that day.”
“So… is Ueda outta the question?”
Silence.
“…Well, not quite… but…” Ryo’s voice is tiny, barely above the thundering bass from the dance floor outside their small lounge.
“He’s really good, I promise.”
“What is he, a whore…?”
“…Think of it as a friend-with-benefits kinda thing.”
“But I’m not friends with him!” Ryo starts freaking out. “I mean, he’s Fairy-Boy! Sure, we’ve been to the club with you guys a couple times but that’s hardly enough to be fuck-buddies!”
“But… you’re hot. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. What if I mailed him right now, asking what he thinks of you?”
Ryo starts bashing his head on the table.
Pi answers for him, “Go for it.”
Jin nods dumbly and pulls out his cell with slightly trembling hands. ‘Hey, you busy right now?’ He hits send.
They wait.
A few minutes later, Jin’s phone, sitting on the table, vibrates. Jin snatches it up, flips it open.
‘No, why?’
Another pause. ‘I’m at the usual club with Ryo and Pi. Come hang out?’
Ryo had paused in his assaulting of his own skull when the text message arrived, but the moment Jin announces that Ueda has sent an affirmative and will arrive in twenty minutes, Ryo begins again his quest to bleed his brains like a broken egg’s yolk.
Pi stops him once he registers that Ryo’s not going to stop, and tugs Ryo onto his lap, trapping Ryo like some human strait-jacket. “Cut it out!! You’ll die, your ass still a virgin, if you keep that up!”
Ryo struggles vainly to free himself, eventually giving up and allowing Pi to treat him to small sips of his vanilla vodka and coke.
When Ueda finally does arrive, Ryo is still in Pi’s lap and Ueda gives them a dubious look. “No wonder you called,” he remarks, sitting close next to Jin. “But I’ve already told you; I don’t do orgies and I don’t do double dates.”
Ryo splutters and Pi just gapes. Jin shifts uncomfortably. “Um... that’s… not what I called you for. Not really.”
Though he clearly stated his rejection, Ueda looks a little disappointed. “Well, what did you call for, then?”
“Well, he’s got an issue…”
“He being…?”
“Me,” Ryo croaks. “I’ve got the issue.”
Ueda gives him a look, eyes narrowed as he eyes the drunken man up and down. “Right… and this issue being what, Nishikido-kun?”
Ryo looks up, his eyes a little bleary but gaze level enough. “I want… I don’t want to be a virgin anymore,” he says, his words only a little slurred.
Ueda smirks. “Wow, the Nishikido’s never caught a chick? You’re kidding, right? What’s really the problem here?”
“It’s not-” Pi tries to cut himself off halfway, but Ueda’s stare is boring into him, peeling him apart. “It’s the… other kind of ‘virginity’.”
Ueda looks stunned. “Woah… Nishikido-kun is… bi?” the three amigos nod, and comprehension floods Ueda’s expression. “So that’s why you called me… Jin, you know I only stick to the group; I’m not the entire agency’s slut you know. Ask Tackey, he can explain.”
“Tackey-chan?!” Pi chokes on his drink, coughing.
Ueda sends him a sympathetic look. “Well, what else is he supposed to do when you’re so busy? He gets lonely, you know. But don’t worry, I turned him down. And that’s why I’m going to have to-”
Jin grabs his arm, tugging him close. “Please, Tatsu? Ryo is… a special case. And you wouldn’t turn down Ryo, would you? I mean…” his eyes narrow slightly, convey a message that’s lost on Ryo and Pi. His grip loosens slightly, caressing up his bandmate’s muscle hard bicep. “Please, Tatsu?”
Pi stares on in confusion and Ryo, even in his fuzzed drunkenness, sees something akin to shyness in Ueda’s glance when their eyes briefly meet. Then Ueda narrows his eyes piercingly and the look is gone, replaced with pure appraisal, only the faintest sheen of yearning in his figure. “Well?” Ryo lifts his eyebrows at Ueda’s contemplative silence.
Ueda sighs. “I’ll do it. But you owe me for this one, Bakanishi.”
Jin smiles faintly, turning back to his drink with a satisfied air.
“Well, now you’ve invited me out, who’s buying me a drink?” Ueda moves from Jin’s side of the table to Pi’s and Ryo’s, tugs Ryo out of Pi’s grip and throws an arm over the Osakan’s shoulder. Ryo looks pointedly at Jin, and Pi looks to Ryo.
Ryo groans in irritation and gingerly removes Ueda’s arm from around his shoulder. “If you get up, I’ll order you a drink,” he sighs.
The man smiles brightly in that Ueda kinda way and hops up, sticking close to Ryo’s side as they head to the bar.
“So, when’s your next day off?” Ueda asks, staring up at the sky as the four leave the club.
“Huh? You’re not gonna screw him tonight?” Jin seems honestly confused. “OW! Pi!” Jin whines, rubbing his injured head and pouting at his friend.
Ueda rolls his eyes. “I don’t fuck first dates. I don’t wanna risk him falling asleep halfway through either,” he adds, eyeing Ryo a little worriedly as he teeters on his feet. Ueda wraps an arm around Ryo’s waist, ignoring the man’s struggles. When Ryo doesn’t give up, Ueda smacks him firmly on the head. “Stop wriggling. You’ll fall over.”
Ryo glares. “I’m perfectly capapable… cabaple… able to walking on my own.”
Ueda laughs brightly. Sure you are. Now when’s your next day off?”
“…” Ryo counts the days in his head. “Next… Tueday?”
Ueda smiles. “Good. Early Monday we’ve got some meetings and I’ve got an appointment at the gym, but I’m free in the evening, and Tuesday too. How’s Monday for you?”
“Fine,” Pi answers for his friend. “NEWS is finishing up some recording until mid-afternoon and then it’s just tweaks and we’re done.”
“What Secretary-san said,” Ryo mumbles, put out that he couldn’t be the one to reply for himself, as he was perfectly capable-that’s the word- thank you very much.
Ueda chuckles. “Well then, it’s a date. Let’s meet in the KAT-TUN conference room once you’re done work. Bring your guitar.”
“My guitar…?”
“What, you want people to ask questions?”
“Guitar it is.”
Jin shuffles over closer to Pi. “If this goes really badly… I’m not taking the blame, kay?”
Pi nods. “Me neither. If he fucks it up, it’s his fault.”
Jin nods.
Ryo turns around in Ueda’s grip to face them. “Oi! I heard that!”
Jin sticks out his tongue. “Well, it’s true!”
Ueda just laughs. “Don’t worry Ryo-chan. I’ll take good care of you.”
Feeling the ‘reassuring’ squeeze of that steely arm around his waist, Ryo has a hard time believing anything but exactly that. “That’s… what I’m afraid of,” he mutters, just loud enough for Ueda to hear.
“I just hope you realize one key point here,” Ueda chirps brightly.
“Which is?”
“You said you don’t want to be a virgin anymore. That means I’m topping.”
Having not quite thought about it that directly before, and now struck with the fact, Ryo suddenly freezes. He accidentally emits a quiet whimper. He starts wriggling against Ueda’s grip again.
Ueda smiles innocently at him, moving his arm up to trap Ryo’s arms. He leans in close and kisses Ryo just behind one ear, whispering hotly, “I’ll look forward to our little rendez-vous Monday night. I would recommend you rest up the day before; I’m planning on doing a thorough job of ridding you of your virginity, dear,” he teases.
Ryo’s whimper is louder this time and he looks fearfully to Pi, who merely smiles back, nice and friendly, having no clue what’s going on. Jin, who seems to have a pretty idea, is pointedly avoiding eyes. “Help me, goddamnit! Jin, what have you done to me?!”
“Now, now. Don’t blame Jin. He was only being helpful. You’re the one who accepted,” Ueda points out happily.
“He’s got a point…”
“Shut up, Pi!”
Monday evening comes, and News has about fifteen minutes left of work.
“Is that all? Good. Well, let’s wrap it up for today! Good work everyone!”
Make that five seconds.
“Um, I have-”
“Yes, Nishikido-kun?”
Pi’s glare is burning, boring, piercing through the back of Ryo’s head. “N-never mind,” he says meekly. “It’s nothing.”
“Good boy,” Pi pats his shoulder and moves off to grab his stuff.
Ryo shivers and collects his own things, but there’s a key piece missing…
“Ryo-chan, here’s your guitar,” Koyama pops up out of nowhere. “I heard you’re going to Ueda-kun’s place for some song writing. Have fun ne! I’m so proud of you for overcoming your silly stage-enmity!” Koyama hugs him, completely oblivious to the fact Ryo’s skin has gone from sun-kissed to corpse-like. Koyama returns the instrument and hops off to scold Shige for obviously not getting enough sleep over the weekend.
“Ryo! Ossu. Good luck,” Jin only pats Ryo’s shoulder as he exists KAT-TUN’s conference room.
“What’re you doing here?” Ryo asks, confused -didn’t Ueda say they finished earlier?-but Jin just smiles at him and leaves. “Inconsiderate, stupid-”
“I hardly think it’s fitting to say such things about the friend who’s kind enough to help you with your little issue, Nishikido-kun.”
“Just call me Ryo,” the Osakan grumbles instinctively. “And never mind that. You ready to go?”
“I’ve been waiting up for you,” Ueda says cheerily. “Did you drive to work today?”
“No, Pi drove me.”
“Perfect, I’ll drive us then. Need me to carry anything?” Ueda eyes Ryo’s baggage dubiously but Ryo just shifts his guitar on his shoulder and shakes his head.
“No, I’m good.”
They descend the elevator in a silence that lasts until they’re out of the building. “This way,” Ueda says, gesturing in some vague direction.
Putting his guitar carefully away in the back seat, Ryo is tempted to stick to the back himself, but he forces himself to go to the passenger seat, making a very pointed effort not to remember some of the dreams that’ve been plaguing his nights ever since they arranged this date. He tries not to think about what’ll happen on the way to Ueda’s apartment, and he tries not to think about what will happen when they get there.
“Would you mind turning the radio on?” Ryo jumps at Ueda’s voice, prompting a chuckle. “Come on, I’m not going to eat you just yet.”
Ryo turns on the radio and tries hard to lose himself in the music and not the thought of just when, exactly, Ueda plans on eating him. He clears his throat. “Ne, Ueda…”
Ueda winces. “Please don’t call me ‘Ueda,’” he interrupts. “Under the circumstances, just ‘Tatsuya’ is fine.”
“Um… Tatsuya…”
“Yes?”
“What… er, well… with KAT-TUN…why…?”
Tatsuya snickers, glancing at him sidelong briefly before turning his eyes back to the road. “Not a very eloquent creature, are you? Why am I my bandmates’ fuck-buddy?”
“Well… yeah.”
Tatsuya smirks. “I just thought that maybe we’d get into less fights if there was a sure outlet and something to bring us together. I mean, coming to that conclusion was the most disturbing brainstorming session of my life, but it’s not like I regret it. You understand a lot about a person, seeing them at their most vulnerable point, and you build a mutual respect with that intimacy.”
Ryo frowns. “But… that doesn’t sound like just fucking. I thought…”
“Thought it was nothing but a quick bang against the wall or in a bathroom stall?”
Ryo deadpans, “That’s what it sounded like.”
Tatsuya laughs. “No, but sometimes I wish it was that simple. Here we are,” he pulls into an underground parking lot, slipping into a nearby numbered stall. “Welcome to the parking lot. Shall we proceed to my rooms?”
Ryo blinks. “Yes.” He gets out and grabs his bag and his guitar, clutching the former almost protectively to his chest.
Smiling serenely, Tatsuya leads him over to the elevator and up into the building itself. After a few minutes of flashing numbers and winding halls, they arrive at their destination and Tatsuya unlocks his door, gestures for Ryo to enter first and picks up the mail beneath his mat. “I keep telling them not to bother with newsletters. I can’t ever make any of the dinners anyway. Oh, closet’s just in front of you; you can put your jacket away in there. What would you like to drink? Tea, water coffee, something stronger?”
Ryo was almost expecting Tatsuya to push him into a wall and start making out with him the moment the door closed but the door is shut and locked, Tatsuya’s and Ryo’s jackets are put away, and Ryo finds himself ushered into an open kitchen instead and onto a high stool. “Um… maybe a tea?”
Tatsuya nods, fills a kettle and fetching twin mugs and a teapot. He measures out some tea leaves, humming some random tune even Ryo doesn’t recognize. “Honey or lemon?”
“No thanks.”
A shrug. “Suit yourself.” Tatsuya fetches a small bowl and digs around in the fridge, bringing out a bigger bowl, filled with grapes. He gently plucks a few off the stem, tossing them into the bowl and bringing them over to the counter between himself and Ryo. He sets the bowl down, stooping a little to lean on his elbows and picking a grape from the bowl, popping it into his mouth. “Want one?” he asks in an almost childishly innocent voice.
Ryo barely registers the fact that he’s saying ‘yes,’ before the cool skin of a grape is gently pressing against his lips, which part as if on their own and suddenly it’s warm, callus-tough skin brushing his lips. The light touch is gone, Ryo swallows, and in a second another grape is at his lips again. Tatsuya feeds him this way with a funny, fond smile tugging at his own lips as he watches Ryo accept the fruit with a cute look of befuddled acceptance on his face. Then the kettle clicks, announcing it’s boiled, and Tatsuya is forced to stand and deal with it. When he moves, Ryo snaps out of whatever daze he was in and blinks numerous times. What just happened?
“You seem hungry; want something decent to eat? I’m not that exceptional a cook, but the man at the delivery restaurant down the street is.”
It takes Ryo a moment to register that. “Um… sure. Do you have a menu or something?”
Tatsuya hums an affirmative and tosses a pamphlet onto the counter. Ryo flips through it, they decide on some food, and Ryo calls the place and makes the order, asking Tatsuya’s help for the address. A few minutes later, Tatsuya sets a mug of tea in front of him, cradling his own between his hands. Ryo gingerly touches the porcelain to check the temperature, and seems surprised to find it’s not too hot. He picks it up and carefully sips, finding the temperature just right. “How…?”
Tatsuya smiles, teasing but friendly. “Didn’t you see me cool it with water from the fridge once the tea had steeped?”
Ryo shakes his head. “No. I must’ve been looking at the menu.”
A moment of surprisingly comfortable silence as the pair ponder their tea and savour the warmth. Ryo notices goose-bumps ripple down Tatsuya’s arms every now and then and asks about it. “This? It’s just from the tea warming me up.”
Ryo has to think about it for a minute but then nods, looking back into his cup. The doorbell rings and Ryo glances to the clock. “Twenty minutes? Wow.”
Tatsuya smirks. “They’re really close, and I give good tips. I’ll be right back,” his hand brushes Ryo’s shoulder fleetingly on his way past and the soft touch doesn’t even faze the guest. Tatsuya returns a minute later with a few containers and Ryo helps him move the food onto plates. Tatsuya circles around the counter and sits on the stool next to Ryo’s, picks up his chopsticks and murmurs an ‘itadakimasu,’ and Ryo doesn’t even seem to care that Tatsuya is sitting so close he can feel the copper-haired man’s body heat.
“So, I have a confession to make,” Tatsuya announces as he rinses his plate in the sink.
“…Yes?”
“I only have one TV, and it’s in my bedroom.”
“…Ah.”
“So, shall we watch a movie?”
All in all, Ryo’s a little surprised how casual Tatsuya is. Or… maybe ‘casual’ isn’t the right word. After a dessert of strawberries and melon, Ryo finds himself completely at ease around the man and for a while, he had even forgotten what he was here for. The prospect of being in Tatsuya’s bed, even if it’s for a movie, is still a little daunting but Ryo doesn’t find himself to be the neurotic mess he thought he’d be and he doesn’t squirm in shy discomfort when Tatsuya leads him to the bedroom with a light hand on his elbow. Tatsuya is humming quietly to himself again, and Ryo finds himself hyper-aware of this, straining his ears to tune in to the sound in hopes of identifying the tune for once. Yet somehow, it seems like the harder he listens, the quieter Tatsuya’s voice drops, until Ryo finds himself leaning close to Tatsuya’s shoulder. He doesn’t notice Tatsuya’s hand isn’t on his elbow anymore until it’s on his chin, turning his head that extra few degrees. There’s a gentle brush of plush skin against his lips and then on his forehead, and when he realizes what’s happened, there’s that tender quirky smile from before back on Tatsuya’s lips. Then Tatsuya is humming again- Ryo didn’t even notice it had stopped- and they’re in a room with warm cream-coloured walls, a caramel acoustic leaning on its stand next to a couple electric guitars in one corner, a fluffy-looking bed with black and cream sheets and scattered pillows against one wall. There’s a small keyboard, a desk covered in papers, a few dark shelves with candles and pictures and such-like paraphernalia on two walls. Something about it feels intensely serene to Ryo, in a careless kind of way. The sheets are soft as he likes them best, the pillows plushy and inviting, and he notices a thick, fluffy blanket beneath the black comforter. Ryo barely notices Tatsuya sitting close next to him on the bed, and he didn’t even realize he was sitting already to begin with.
“You’re not very alert tonight, are you?” the words are whispered lightly, brightly into his ear and Ryo jumps a little, shivering from the warmth on his neck and ear.
“I-I guess not. Um… we were going to watch a movie…?” Ryo blinks, looking around, and only now notices the flat-screen hanging on the wall before him.
Tatsuya chuckles lightly but low in his throat, and the sound sends another shiver down Ryo’s spine. When did that hand appear on his thigh, again? “Ryo…” Tatsuya is tilting his head cutely to one side with that funny smile from before. “I’m worried that if we watch a movie now, I’ll never have you for myself.”
The words, like the tealeaves in their drinks from before, unravel slowly in Ryo’s mind. “Oh,” he murmurs. The warmth from the hand on his thigh seems to grow to a pleasant burn and Ryo brings himself to look directly at Tatsuya again, whose head is still cocked curiously to one side.
Tatsuya’s lips quiver, suppressing another laugh and he leans in the extra few inches between them, brushing his lips over Ryo’s once again. “I hope you understand you’re different from my bandmates in particular in one single and very important way,” he murmurs, his lips caressing Ryo’s cheek, tickling Ryo’s skin with warmth. Dropping a kiss on Ryo’s temple and smiling when Ryo lifts a hand to his arm, ghosting up to his shoulder to pull him closer, Tatsuya whispers into Ryo’s ear, “I’m not doing this for anyone else, and I’m not doing it for business or to be helpful... because believe it or not, I’m doing it for myself.”
Before Ryo even fully understand what Tatsuya means by that, he’s drawing in a sharp breath and his heart is struggling to rival the warmth of the lips pressed tenderly against his neck, and then his jaw, as cool fingers slide down his arms to the hem of his shirt, tickling over his hips. Ryo barely notices he’s lifting his arms for Tatsuya to remove his shirt when Tatsuya is humming another of his unrecognizable tunes, this time against his collarbones, and Ryo’s rough fingertips are threading through glossy silken copper with only a shadow of pressure. Tatsuya lifts his head to look Ryo in the eyes, twining his fingers with Ryo’s in his hair and the glassy desire of those eyes, the tenderness of the touch on his hand swells Ryo’s heart to bursting, aching heat. “You’ll kill me, at this rate,” Ryo murmurs hoarsely.
“Never,” the intensity of the single word leaves Ryo certain and safe and Ryo surrenders to the insistence of the lips against his and he tightens his grip just slightly on Tatsuya’s hair, moving his hand closer toward the nape of Tatsuya’s neck, to be rewarded with a soft sigh.
Ryo’s hands find their way to Tatsuya’s long baggy shirt and, taking a somewhat unsteady breath, he lifts the cloth over Tatsuya’s head, his eyes honing in on the flex of each perfectly defined muscle until his sight is soft darkness again and the warmth is back breathing against his skin in butterfly kisses and ghostly touches over his shoulders, chest, waist, finally thumbs at his hips and Ryo’s breath hitches slightly when nails ever-so-briefly graze beneath his jeans. He finds his back meeting the silk-soft sheets without remembering laying himself down, his head cushioned and comfortable, his neck arches to meet sharp-edged kisses from the man above him.
Tatsuya kisses his lips again and Ryo’s hands find their way to the satin-clothed wiry muscles of Ueda’s waist. Deft fingers loosen the restriction around Ryo’s hips and near-painful pressure Ryo had hardly recognized is relieved, light chill replacing the hot ache instead. Ryo’s breath grows quick and Tatsuya’s now-warm skirts up and over Ryo’s abs to his shoulder. “Tell me if I’m going too fast, and tell me if you ever feel uncomfortable. Promise?”
Ryo’s own hands shift down to Tatsuya’s hips and Ryo caresses firmly over the bulge that surely must mirror his own. “I’m fine, I will, just don’t stop,” he whispers and groans when Tatsuya grinds his clothed hips fluidly against his naked ones. When Tatsuya leans over him briefly, reaching for something above his head, Ryo lavishes the skin with his own kisses and love-bites and Tatsuya shivers and hums appreciatively. Ryo ignores the crinkle of something or other that Tatsuya has just set by his head and pushes Tatsuya’s jeans down his hips to his knees, propping himself up on one elbow, the better to reach that snowy expanse and flush it blushing pink. Ryo shivers when he shifts on the sheets to give Tatsuya room to move, it’s almost with impatience that he moves the comforter and quilt away so he can welcome back Tatsuya’s now-naked warmth above him. His grip is that little bit firmer and more insistent, and he groans when those calluses brush against the throbbing heat of him, back arching, undulating to a sharp lifting of the hips and then Tatsuya descends his lips to his throat again.
“This is going to feel strange,” Tatsuya says softly, reaching above Ryo’s head for what he’d grabbed earlier, parting Ryo’s legs with a careful knee. “But just bear with it, okay?”
“Just do it,” Ryo hisses, the sharpening pain between his legs almost too much. He barely winces at the first intrusion, though he has trouble keeping relaxed as Tatsuya’s whispers are asking him to be, but his brows furrow together a little at the second. Then he shudders at the surge of pleasure, forgetting all about the digits as Tatsuya caresses his length and he near literally melts into the sensation. He barely notices the next change or the following stretch, but groans when the pressure is lost. Ryo registers the crinkle again, making the connection as to what it is this time, and when Tatsuya asks him if he’s ready, if he’s alright, Ryo shuts him up with a kiss that turns to a cry when Tatsuya buries himself inside. A slightly sticky hand distracts him as he adjusts to the sensation, plush lips kiss tears away and murmur soothing words and feather-soft fingers flit over Ryo’s cheek and through his hair and down his neck until Ryo is pushing down and begging for release from pause. Shivers, shudders and sometimes pains course over Ryo’s skin like so much ice water until Tatsuya’s rhythmic warmth melts all the tension and strain away and Ryo finds himself calling Tatsuya’s name and arching his hips with a rolling fluidity to match the man’s above him. Searing, blinding satisfaction floods his every sinew and his heart works double-time to keep up to the drug seeking to circle his veins and pool, growing, forcing, aching, until Ryo’s fingers on Tatsuya’s flexing waist are talons burning, digging, insistent and then feeble and caressing, gentle again.
All comes to a breathless stop with the tension of a guitar string with all the sound but low, deep, intense and so much more. Lapping, at the sticky heat on his stomach and then a bitter-tasting kiss and Ryo can hardly bring himself to focus. Then shocking cold, then too-hot, suffocating warmth and he groans, “Too warm… get rid of it.”
A low chuckle that reverberates in his chest as hot hard skin settles there and Tatsuya’s lips caress over his face again. “For now, but you’ll be thankful when the chill settles in.”
Ryo grumbles a grudging assent and winds a leg over a hard hip.
“You feel alright?” the voice is gentle, concerned, and some conscious bit of Ryo’s mind wonders about it.
“’Course,” Ryo replies, his voice hoarse. “Ne, before, when you said you were doing this for you…”
Another laugh, and the hand on his waist draws circles and stripes on his back down far as his hips. “You don’t understand yet? I’ll have to show you again tomorrow, I see. Rest for now or you’ll regret it.”
Ryo hums, still curious, but finds himself dragged to drowsiness too soon, too deeply. The thought that maybe he’s in farther than he expected when he made his confession days ago floats through his mind, but he can’t bring himself to be concerned.