Gift fic for wintersjuly
To: wintersjuly
From: lazulisong
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Title: A Day in Our Lives
Pairing/Group: JE general -- Ryo, Kame, Pi and Jin, some Arashi.
Rating PG-13 for language and ... well, I didn't really try to
hide who was writing this.
Warnings: (include if necessary) .... crack?
Notes: Thanks to the people who put up with me on AIM♥. ILU guys.
Summary: The scary part is that this is a pretty average day
When Ryo chucked his jacket at the empty chair, both Shige and Koyama
shrieked. "What?" said Ryo, understandably startled.
"Wagahai's sleeping there!" said Shige, and Ryo saw that there was a
bit of fleece blanket tenderly arranged over the empty chair.
"....Okay," said Ryo, "there are so many things wrong with that
statement that I can't pick just one."
"Poor Wagahai," cooed Shige at empty air. "Did mean ole Ryo scare
ums? Poor baby kitty-boo, is!"
Ryo gagged.
"Ryo-tan," said Tegoshi.
"Fine," said Ryo. "Ooo de poor baby kittums. I torry I tcared ums. It
forgive mes? Es."
"Wagahai can sense sarcasm," said Shige, glaring at Ryo.
"Funny," said Ryo, "since his owner can't even spell it."
Pi, wandering in, said, "No being sarcastic at bandmates," but it was
just automatic. He ruffled Tegoshi's hair and sat down.
"You said it was no fair being sarcastic at Akanishi," said Ryo.
Actually, Ryo had almost given up being sarcastic at Akanishi. It
was, as Matsumoto had once said, a bit like firing a bazooka at a
gerbil. There was no sport to it. "And I think we're getting away
from the main issue here, which is why the hell Shige brought his
imaginary cat to work."
"It's Bring Your Pet to Work Day," said Shige. "I heard it on
the radio."
"And Nyanta doesn't like the office," added Koyama.
There was a long silence. Finally, Ryo said, "If Akanishi tried
bringing in Pin, will you buy me breakfast?"
"If Jin tried to bring in the dog," said Pi, scowling, "he's buying
everybody food."
Ryo brightened. Then he said, "You know, this would explain why
Matsumoto came in with Aiba today."
"I thought you said you weren't going to make fun of Matsumoto," said
Pi. "Or his band."
"I would never make fun of Matsumoto," said Ryo, who had been better
at looking at cute and innocent but still had big brown eyes and the
shamelessness to use them. "And I would never, ever make fun of
any of Matsumoto's girlfriends, even if they got kicked by
kangaroos and burst into tears on national television. Matsumoto
might feed me Sakurai's cooking."
(Somewhere, Sakurai, sitting on his hands and looking sulky while
Matsumoto poured hot water on cup ramen, sneezed. "Did you catch
Aiba's cold?" demanded Matsumoto.)
"You've cried on national television, asshole," said Pi. He was
thoughtful for a minute, and then added, "I'm hungry."
Ryo had no idea how anybody could think about Sakurai's cooking and
get hungry except Ohno, but whatever. Pi was just weird that way.
"Fine," he said. "We can go have Kansai--"
"No," said Pi.
"The sexy Osaka man requires sexy Osaka food," said Ryo,
dangerously close to a whine.
"Noodles," said Pi, looking decisive and almost like a leader, which
Ryo thought was pretty funny. "Guys, do you want to go with?"
Nobody else was hungry except for Massu, who couldn't go because of
Tego in his lap. Ryo and Pi went to find some others to go with them.
When they got to KAT-TUN's area, Kame was very sorry but Jin was
being shunned for trying to bring That Dog to work, and he, Kame, was
not hungry.
"When was the last time you ate?" demanded Pi. "And what was it?"
"This morning," said Kame, "and cereal."
"It was five am and it was a handful of Cheerios," said a depressed
voice under the table. "And he's done nothing but drink black coffee
and diet flavored water since."
"Ha," said Pi. "My spies are everywhere! And I heard what the
dietician told you."
"I've gained half a kilo," said Kame desperately, as Pi hooked a long
finger into the back of his collar. "I can't eat noodles!"
"What, really?" said Pi. He looked Kame up and down. Kame was wearing
a pair of jeans that skimmed closely over his hips but, as far as Pi's
expert eye could tell, actually had some looseness at the waist.
".....where?"
"That's what I told him," said the voice under the table. "He
wouldn't listen to me."
"That's because nobody listens to you, Akanishi," said Ryo
comfortingly. He prodded at Jin's back with his boot. "If you stay
there, you'll get moldy and die."
"Am I still being shunned?" said the voice.
"Yes," said Kame and Ryo, at the same time as Pi said, "Of course not,
you're buying us lunch."
As they walked down the hall toward the lobby, Kame said, "Is there
really a Take Your Pet to Work Day?"
"Shige brought Wagahai in," said Pi, as if bringing an imaginary cat
to work was totally normal.
"There's Ohno wearing a collar," said Ryo, in a strangled voice. They
all stopped and stared at Ohno as he drifted past, followed by a harem
of Juniors anxiously cheeping about Ohno-san going the wrong way. The
collar was blue, and had a yellow tag on it.
"Okay," said Kame finally, "that was way more about Ninomiya's sex
life than I ever wanted to think about." Jin whimpered. Pi scrubbed
his eyes and made a horrible face.
"Maybe Aiba will come with," suggested Pi.
Aiba, as it turned out, was with a group of juniors, coloring a sheet
that said KEN AND SHOTA SAY: HOLDING HANDS WITH YOUR BANDMATES IS A
GOOD TOUCH ("Shit," said Ryo, "remember when they just used to tell us
to not take candy from Takki?") and said he was going to go stare at
Matsumoto later anyway.
As they walked away, Jin said in one of his not-particularly-quiet
stage whispers, "What happened to Aiba's neck?"
There was a delicate pause. The lives and frankly incestuous loves of
the other groups, especially Arashi, was not something people asked
about, although everybody was aware of it. "Probably Matsumoto," said
Ryo.
"Oh," said Jin, and his brow contracted with the effort of thought.
"Wait," he said, shocked. "He punched Aiba with one of his rings? On
his neck? Isn't that super-dangerous?"
There was a longer, even more awkward silence. Kame put his face in
his hand. Even Pi gave Jin a strange look. "Oh my God," said Ryo,
"Oh my God, now I know why you're such a bitch, Kamenashi."
"What's your excuse?" snapped Kame.
"I'm confused!" said Jin. "Kame's not a bitch and I don't see what
that has to do with Matsumoto punching Aiba in the neck!"
"It's a secret technique," said Ryo. "I am forbidden by the laws of
the Smart People to explain it to you, but perhaps Kamenashi or Pi can
demonstrate."
"Not here," said Kame loudly, and Pi gave them a look picked up from
Jin's dog and said, "I'm really hungry!"
As they turned the corner, they almost ran into Nino, who was carrying
a large box. "Where are you guys going?" he demanded. "The war is
escalating. I require allies."
"Can we do it after lunch?" said Ryo.
"Well, okay," said Nino, "only at two Oh-chan's going to lure Nakai
into a cunning trap and we'll need back up."
Kame opened his mouth, closed it again, and then, looking at the box,
said, "Is that Rie-chan?" A tentacle waved at him. There was
something jaunty about it, and also very evil. "What have you got her
in?"
"Bottle of Matsujun's conditioner," said Nino. "There's some other
stuff in the box. Dog treats. Baby powder. Motor oil. Stuff like
that."
"This might be a silly question," said Ryo, "but does Matsumoto
know you're carrying Rie-chan around in a bottle of his --"
"What isn't known can't be freaked over," said Nino. "Are you in?"
He smiled and the four of them took a simultaneous step backward. "If
you're not for us, you're against us," he said.
"We're in, we're in," said Pi. "Er. After lunch?"
"I'll see you later," said Nino. He walked off, Rie-chan's tentacles
trailing behind him.
They walked, not ran, away from Nino, but it might have been a fast
walk. As they reached the door, Jin froze. His eyes went round. "Oh
my God," he said, "That was a hickey."
The look on Kame's face was a picture Ryo wanted to carry in his heart
forever. "One bullet to the base of the skull," he said encouragingly.
"It'll be quick and easy."
"Was that what you meant when you said Matsumoto had happened to
Aiba?" said Jin, looking nauseated.
"For me or him?" said Kame. "YES, Bakanishi, we mean just that!"
"That is so gross," said Jin hysterically. "Aiba let Matsumoto give
him a hickey!"
"Remember," said Ryo, "Down the road, not across the street."
"As your leader I demand you stop encouraging my friends to commit
suicide," said Pi.
"Hey," said Ryo, "being friends with you would make anybody -- OW!"
"Stop being mean to Pi," said Kame.
*****
AlmightyRyotan: hey
PinkRanger8: hi honey welcome home
AlmightyRyotan: are you wearing the
pink apron you know it makes me hotttt
PinkRanger8: only if you're wearing
the maid outfit
PinkRanger8: with the heels
AlmightyRyotan: maybe i am. want to
come over and see?
PinkRanger8: :]
PinkRanger8: how was work?
AlmightyRyotan: pretty boring really.
From: lazulisong
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Title: A Day in Our Lives
Pairing/Group: JE general -- Ryo, Kame, Pi and Jin, some Arashi.
Rating PG-13 for language and ... well, I didn't really try to
hide who was writing this.
Warnings: (include if necessary) .... crack?
Notes: Thanks to the people who put up with me on AIM♥. ILU guys.
Summary: The scary part is that this is a pretty average day
When Ryo chucked his jacket at the empty chair, both Shige and Koyama
shrieked. "What?" said Ryo, understandably startled.
"Wagahai's sleeping there!" said Shige, and Ryo saw that there was a
bit of fleece blanket tenderly arranged over the empty chair.
"....Okay," said Ryo, "there are so many things wrong with that
statement that I can't pick just one."
"Poor Wagahai," cooed Shige at empty air. "Did mean ole Ryo scare
ums? Poor baby kitty-boo, is!"
Ryo gagged.
"Ryo-tan," said Tegoshi.
"Fine," said Ryo. "Ooo de poor baby kittums. I torry I tcared ums. It
forgive mes? Es."
"Wagahai can sense sarcasm," said Shige, glaring at Ryo.
"Funny," said Ryo, "since his owner can't even spell it."
Pi, wandering in, said, "No being sarcastic at bandmates," but it was
just automatic. He ruffled Tegoshi's hair and sat down.
"You said it was no fair being sarcastic at Akanishi," said Ryo.
Actually, Ryo had almost given up being sarcastic at Akanishi. It
was, as Matsumoto had once said, a bit like firing a bazooka at a
gerbil. There was no sport to it. "And I think we're getting away
from the main issue here, which is why the hell Shige brought his
imaginary cat to work."
"It's Bring Your Pet to Work Day," said Shige. "I heard it on
the radio."
"And Nyanta doesn't like the office," added Koyama.
There was a long silence. Finally, Ryo said, "If Akanishi tried
bringing in Pin, will you buy me breakfast?"
"If Jin tried to bring in the dog," said Pi, scowling, "he's buying
everybody food."
Ryo brightened. Then he said, "You know, this would explain why
Matsumoto came in with Aiba today."
"I thought you said you weren't going to make fun of Matsumoto," said
Pi. "Or his band."
"I would never make fun of Matsumoto," said Ryo, who had been better
at looking at cute and innocent but still had big brown eyes and the
shamelessness to use them. "And I would never, ever make fun of
any of Matsumoto's girlfriends, even if they got kicked by
kangaroos and burst into tears on national television. Matsumoto
might feed me Sakurai's cooking."
(Somewhere, Sakurai, sitting on his hands and looking sulky while
Matsumoto poured hot water on cup ramen, sneezed. "Did you catch
Aiba's cold?" demanded Matsumoto.)
"You've cried on national television, asshole," said Pi. He was
thoughtful for a minute, and then added, "I'm hungry."
Ryo had no idea how anybody could think about Sakurai's cooking and
get hungry except Ohno, but whatever. Pi was just weird that way.
"Fine," he said. "We can go have Kansai--"
"No," said Pi.
"The sexy Osaka man requires sexy Osaka food," said Ryo,
dangerously close to a whine.
"Noodles," said Pi, looking decisive and almost like a leader, which
Ryo thought was pretty funny. "Guys, do you want to go with?"
Nobody else was hungry except for Massu, who couldn't go because of
Tego in his lap. Ryo and Pi went to find some others to go with them.
When they got to KAT-TUN's area, Kame was very sorry but Jin was
being shunned for trying to bring That Dog to work, and he, Kame, was
not hungry.
"When was the last time you ate?" demanded Pi. "And what was it?"
"This morning," said Kame, "and cereal."
"It was five am and it was a handful of Cheerios," said a depressed
voice under the table. "And he's done nothing but drink black coffee
and diet flavored water since."
"Ha," said Pi. "My spies are everywhere! And I heard what the
dietician told you."
"I've gained half a kilo," said Kame desperately, as Pi hooked a long
finger into the back of his collar. "I can't eat noodles!"
"What, really?" said Pi. He looked Kame up and down. Kame was wearing
a pair of jeans that skimmed closely over his hips but, as far as Pi's
expert eye could tell, actually had some looseness at the waist.
".....where?"
"That's what I told him," said the voice under the table. "He
wouldn't listen to me."
"That's because nobody listens to you, Akanishi," said Ryo
comfortingly. He prodded at Jin's back with his boot. "If you stay
there, you'll get moldy and die."
"Am I still being shunned?" said the voice.
"Yes," said Kame and Ryo, at the same time as Pi said, "Of course not,
you're buying us lunch."
As they walked down the hall toward the lobby, Kame said, "Is there
really a Take Your Pet to Work Day?"
"Shige brought Wagahai in," said Pi, as if bringing an imaginary cat
to work was totally normal.
"There's Ohno wearing a collar," said Ryo, in a strangled voice. They
all stopped and stared at Ohno as he drifted past, followed by a harem
of Juniors anxiously cheeping about Ohno-san going the wrong way. The
collar was blue, and had a yellow tag on it.
"Okay," said Kame finally, "that was way more about Ninomiya's sex
life than I ever wanted to think about." Jin whimpered. Pi scrubbed
his eyes and made a horrible face.
"Maybe Aiba will come with," suggested Pi.
Aiba, as it turned out, was with a group of juniors, coloring a sheet
that said KEN AND SHOTA SAY: HOLDING HANDS WITH YOUR BANDMATES IS A
GOOD TOUCH ("Shit," said Ryo, "remember when they just used to tell us
to not take candy from Takki?") and said he was going to go stare at
Matsumoto later anyway.
As they walked away, Jin said in one of his not-particularly-quiet
stage whispers, "What happened to Aiba's neck?"
There was a delicate pause. The lives and frankly incestuous loves of
the other groups, especially Arashi, was not something people asked
about, although everybody was aware of it. "Probably Matsumoto," said
Ryo.
"Oh," said Jin, and his brow contracted with the effort of thought.
"Wait," he said, shocked. "He punched Aiba with one of his rings? On
his neck? Isn't that super-dangerous?"
There was a longer, even more awkward silence. Kame put his face in
his hand. Even Pi gave Jin a strange look. "Oh my God," said Ryo,
"Oh my God, now I know why you're such a bitch, Kamenashi."
"What's your excuse?" snapped Kame.
"I'm confused!" said Jin. "Kame's not a bitch and I don't see what
that has to do with Matsumoto punching Aiba in the neck!"
"It's a secret technique," said Ryo. "I am forbidden by the laws of
the Smart People to explain it to you, but perhaps Kamenashi or Pi can
demonstrate."
"Not here," said Kame loudly, and Pi gave them a look picked up from
Jin's dog and said, "I'm really hungry!"
As they turned the corner, they almost ran into Nino, who was carrying
a large box. "Where are you guys going?" he demanded. "The war is
escalating. I require allies."
"Can we do it after lunch?" said Ryo.
"Well, okay," said Nino, "only at two Oh-chan's going to lure Nakai
into a cunning trap and we'll need back up."
Kame opened his mouth, closed it again, and then, looking at the box,
said, "Is that Rie-chan?" A tentacle waved at him. There was
something jaunty about it, and also very evil. "What have you got her
in?"
"Bottle of Matsujun's conditioner," said Nino. "There's some other
stuff in the box. Dog treats. Baby powder. Motor oil. Stuff like
that."
"This might be a silly question," said Ryo, "but does Matsumoto
know you're carrying Rie-chan around in a bottle of his --"
"What isn't known can't be freaked over," said Nino. "Are you in?"
He smiled and the four of them took a simultaneous step backward. "If
you're not for us, you're against us," he said.
"We're in, we're in," said Pi. "Er. After lunch?"
"I'll see you later," said Nino. He walked off, Rie-chan's tentacles
trailing behind him.
They walked, not ran, away from Nino, but it might have been a fast
walk. As they reached the door, Jin froze. His eyes went round. "Oh
my God," he said, "That was a hickey."
The look on Kame's face was a picture Ryo wanted to carry in his heart
forever. "One bullet to the base of the skull," he said encouragingly.
"It'll be quick and easy."
"Was that what you meant when you said Matsumoto had happened to
Aiba?" said Jin, looking nauseated.
"For me or him?" said Kame. "YES, Bakanishi, we mean just that!"
"That is so gross," said Jin hysterically. "Aiba let Matsumoto give
him a hickey!"
"Remember," said Ryo, "Down the road, not across the street."
"As your leader I demand you stop encouraging my friends to commit
suicide," said Pi.
"Hey," said Ryo, "being friends with you would make anybody -- OW!"
"Stop being mean to Pi," said Kame.
*****
AlmightyRyotan: hey
PinkRanger8: hi honey welcome home
AlmightyRyotan: are you wearing the
pink apron you know it makes me hotttt
PinkRanger8: only if you're wearing
the maid outfit
PinkRanger8: with the heels
AlmightyRyotan: maybe i am. want to
come over and see?
PinkRanger8: :]
PinkRanger8: how was work?
AlmightyRyotan: pretty boring really.