Gift fic for spurious
To: spurious
From: twirlingleaves
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Title Nothing shines quite as bright
Pairing Pin
Rating PG
Notes First time writing Pin. It’s harder than I thought, but I love this pairing. I hope you enjoy it, spurious!
Summary: Skiving off school, growing up, and a bright red shirt.
Nothing shines quite as bright
“We have an English test today,” Jin says when he emerges from the front door of his house where Yamapi is waiting for him, and that’s the only reason he needs to give. He wants to skive off school. It’s something that every schoolboy (or even schoolgirl, sometimes) will attempt at least once in their lifetime. And it’s not as if they haven’t done it before.
Jin hates English, Yamapi knows-- the sounds of the words are foreign and difficult to grasp and they tumble out of Jin’s mouth in an jumbled and awkward way, making little sense. Yamapi doesn’t like English much either, but he enjoys most of the other subjects. Yamapi likes learning. He knows that Jin, on the other hand, doesn’t like any of the subjects much. To Jin, school is meaningless. Jin thinks that youth is meant to be so much more than that, much more than sitting on hard wooden chairs in stuffy classrooms all day, hands aching from all the notes they have to make.
Yamapi knows all that, and so he decides he’ll skive off school with Jin, keep Jin company. They don’t walk to school. Instead, they go to where they shouldn’t be. It’s rush hour; there are people everywhere, businessmen in suits, rushing to work, all with the same serious, earnest expressions on their faces. No one really notices them, two schoolboys dressed in blue uniform, buttons loose, a bagful of books slung across their shoulders, constantly exchanging mischievous glances and skipping across the road while the light is still red.
They enter the game centre and they play, car-racing and destroying monsters from outer space and street fighting, blood splattering across the screen and the score shooting up as Yamapi clap his hands together gleefully (“Special combo attack!” he exclaims). They compete against each other for high scores, and Jin sulks every time Yamapi does better than him. There are other students, from other schools, skiving off just like them. Jin is thrilled with the thought that he’s out here, free, free, free from his evil English teacher while his fellow classmates suffer.
They have pizza for lunch, using up the last of their pocket money for the month. The waiter eyes them suspiciously (a look that says, ‘you really shouldn’t be here, should you?’), but they don’t get asked about it, they don’t get kicked out, and the pizza they ordered arrives safely on the table, hot and fresh and the base crispy.
(Jin touches the pan accidentally and screeches when his finger is burnt. Yamapi just shakes his head and laughs as Jin sucks his finger.)
They drink fizzy coke and Yamapi burps loudly afterwards, when they are leaving the restaurant. Jin pulls a disgusted face, about to admonish Yamapi, before he burps even louder himself. Yamapi almost collapses in a laughing fit, and they end up having a contest to see who can burp the loudest. There is no one to be the judge (the occasional passerby glares at them disapprovingly though), and Jin insists he is definitely the winner, so Yamapi gives in and lets him.
They would go back to the game centre, but their pockets are empty of jingling coins and they still have the rest of the afternoon to waste away. They end up at the mall, staring longingly at items on display behind shop windows, their hands pressed against the glass and leaving behind ghostly prints.
“I like that shirt,” Yamapi points at a bright red shirt that one of those fake plastic models are wearing.
“You’d stand out in that. Very conspicuous,” Jin remarks.
“Isn’t that the whole point?” Yamapi laughs. “Being at the centre of attention is great.”
Jin supposes he has to agree. They are both working in the jimusho. (Jin only passed the audition less than a year ago. Yamapi’s been in the jimusho for much longer-- nearly four years. Four years is a lot to Jin. He finds it funny how he can almost think of Yamapi as a sempai in the jimusho when he’s older than Yamapi and they go to school together in the same class.) They’re not quite famous yet, but Yamapi believes they will be. Yamapi loves what he does, and it’s one of his dreams to be recognized on national television and to be that idol whom everyone adores. He is an ambitious person. He told Jin that he wanted to graduate from high school, and go on to study in university. Jin laughed at him, because Jin-- Jin doesn’t want school. Jin would sooner quit school than anything else. He doesn’t understand why Yamapi likes school so much.
Yamapi knows Jin has his moments of doubt about being famous. Yamapi knows that Jin’s mother was the one who sent in the form to the jimusho. Sometimes Yamapi can’t really tell whether Jin wants that kind of future for himself or not. When Yamapi closes his eyes and imagines Jin standing on the stage, he finds that he can’t. There is only a soft-haired boy playing soccer, and lying on the grass afterwards, tired and laughing.
They eventually leave the mall, because just looking and not being able to buy anything isn’t at all that wonderful. There’s not anything left to do, and school should end soon. They start walking home, and it starts to rain on the way back, but neither of them has an umbrella. They hold their bags over their heads and run, laughing, feet splashing water everywhere, and they are drenched by the time they get home.
They lie to their mothers about school (good day, good lessons, good English test, really), except that evening the headmaster phones in and they end up getting told off and the next day they still have to do the English test, and Yamapi’s teacher tells him that he’ll never be able to get into university this way.
---
Jin gets the red shirt for Yamapi as a Christmas present, months later. The one he buys is the last one in stock and the price discounted (ten percent off). It’s two sizes too big for Yamapi, and Jin knows that. It doesn’t matter though. He’s sure Yamapi won’t mind having an oversized shirt, and anyway, he’ll grow to fit it soon enough. Yamapi grew two centimetres in the past few months, Jin knows (because Yamapi announced it excitedly to Jin, because they’re both growing, growing, growing all the time, and it’s not just that they’re getting taller).
When Yamapi opens his present (wrapped in pink wrapping paper because Jin knows Yamapi likes pink), he blinks in surprise, as if he didn’t expect Jin to remember it, because Jin never remembers anything. Jin feels incredibly smug with himself for this achievement, and Yamapi is grinning, trying on the shirt. He doesn’t make a comment on how big it is even though it looks huge, and Jin, staring at Yamapi, thinks it suits Yamapi more than he would have expected. He thinks that Yamapi looks kind of beautiful in the shirt, his expression bright (too bright).
Yamapi’s present to Jin is that latest album of Jin’s favourite artist. Yamapi knows which artists Jin like because of the countless times he’s shared Jin’s CD player on the way to and from school every day, and Jin is always playing the same CDs.
Jin puts on the CD that Yamapi has given him, and the music that blasts out is upbeat and lively. Jin hugs Yamapi for it. “Thank you thank you thank you,” he mutters breathlessly. “Their music is amazing, isn’t it?”
And Yamapi thinks this is one of the reasons why he wants to work in the entertainment industry. Because someone will listen to his music and love it, even if it may not be the best music in the world. (Because to be truthful, Yamapi doesn’t really like some of the artists that Jin loves. He doesn’t tell Jin, though. And for some reason even if he doesn’t like the music, he doesn’t mind listening to it, one earpiece in his ear and the other in Jin’s.)
Jin is flopping around the room in an attempt to dance to the music. Yamapi laughs at him, but Jin tugs at his too-long sleeve and urges him to dance, too, so he joins in. They’re the only two people there, alone in Jin’s room, Christmas lights glowing on the streets outside, and Yamapi thinks he doesn’t really care how silly he must look.
---
One day, when Yamapi and Ryo are out shopping together, Ryo remarks suddenly, “You’re always wearing that shirt, Pi.”
Yamapi is bewildered for a second. The silver chain of the necklace he had been looking at slips through his fingers and falls with a loud clink. He looks down at what he’s wearing. Bright red. “Oh.”
Ryo idly plucks at the sleeve of Yamapi’s shirt, which is still too big for him. “I swear every time I see you outside of school, you’re wearing this shirt. You look ugly in it, too, has anyone told you that? The colour doesn’t match your skin tone. But you wear it all the time anyway. Do you ever wash it? Wait, on second thought, please don’t answer that. ‘Cause if you say no, then I’m afraid we can’t be friends anymore, sorry.”
“Of course I wash it,” Yamapi replies, punching Ryo’s arm half-heartedly. “It’s just that I really like this shirt. And I don’t look ugly in it.”
“Yes, you do. And I know who gave it to you, Pi,” Ryo says mysteriously, and there’s something about his voice that unsettles Yamapi.
“So?” Yamapi shrugs, trying to ignore how his heartbeat seems to be increasing and how his mind is whispering Jin Jin Jin Jin Jin.
Ryo’s lips twist in an amused curve. “Nothing. Just-- stop wearing it. It’s too bright. It hurts my eyes.”
Yamapi rolls his eyes, but when he gets home he puts the shirt away in the bottom of his drawer and he doesn’t ever take it out for a long while to come. But occasionally he eyes that drawer, remembers what’s in it, and there’s a strange, strange feeling in his chest, and he doesn’t really know why it’s there.
---
Over the years, many things change. There are the things that Yamapi always knew would change. Jin doesn’t listen to the same artists anymore, and his old CDs are a dusty stack of cracked cases in the corner of his room (including the one that Yamapi gave him some Christmases ago, that he used to listen to all the time and never got tired of). Jin never finished high school, but Yamapi graduated and went on to university like he’d always wanted to. They are both famous now, the dreams of thousands and thousands of fangirls.
Then there are the things Yamapi didn’t expect would change. Somehow, Jin has gained an interest in English. Jin once told Yamapi that he had been listening to Whitney Houston the other night, and that the lyrics were very beautiful and almost made him cry. Yamapi just called Jin a pussy.
(Jin said he wanted to write lyrics like that.
“In English?” Yamapi questioned.
“Maybe,” Jin replied.)
Yamapi knows that sometimes Jin buys those “learn English in a month!” books. Yamapi is skeptical of their effectiveness, because as far as he can tell, Jin doesn’t seem to be getting much better at English.
And then there are the things that don’t change (that Yamapi doesn’t ever want to change). Yamapi and Jin are good friends still, as good as ever, even though their busy, clashing schedules make it almost impossible to have dinner or watch a movie together. But that doesn’t stop them. They go out, the two of them, on the rare day offs, and they have the occasional sleepover at each other’s house.
One night, snuggled up in the futon at Yamapi’s house, Jin tells Yamapi that he’s going to go to America to study English, that it’s decided-- official, that he’s already told Johnny about it, that he’s leaving in three weeks. Yamapi is shocked, but he doesn’t react the way Jin was scared he would react. Instead, Yamapi smiles gently, giving Jin a friendly shove, and says, “You should have told me earlier, you idiot. I thought I was your best friend.”
Jin is relieved, warmed by Yamapi’s smile, and he is so, so glad that he has such a wonderful friend. Yamapi hasn’t attempted to throw something hard at him, like Koki had done, only to be pacified by Nakamaru. And neither is he looking miserable and exhausted and quiet, with a thousand questions and accusations in his dark eyes, why why why, you know better than to leave the group now when we’ve just debuted months ago, like Kame had done. (Although that doesn’t make Jin love Kame and Koki and all of the rest of KAT-TUN any less, because he can understand their reactions, and because that’s them. That’s KAT-TUN, with all their contrasting personalities, and Jin loves them for how they can never outwardly express their member-ai like other groups do, like NEWS and Kanjani8, even though they do all love each other so much, they really do.)
“You’re still my best friend, Pi,” Jin says softly. “I just thought I shouldn’t tell anyone until I was sure that I would be allowed to do it. And anyway, you’re the first to know apart from Johnny, so you should be happy.”
“How long will you be gone?” Yamapi asks.
“I don’t know yet,” Jin mumbles. “As long as it takes, I suppose.”
“What, you expect you’ll come back fluent in English?” Yamapi scoffs. “Don’t be silly, Jin. Like that’s ever gonna happen.”
Jin scratches his nose sheepishly. “You don’t think so?” he says. “Do you think it’s worth it then, going to America?”
There is a moment of silence.
“Jin,” Yamapi’s voice is suddenly firm, his expression stern. “Jin, you’ve decided. And you’re not going to change your mind. You want to do this, right--? Then do it. I doubt you’ll be fluent when you come back, but I’m sure you’ll have improved. You’re going to have fun, too, I’m sure. Pick up a few blonde chicks and all that.”
Jin chuckles lightly, but then he quietens and regards Yamapi for several long seconds with an expression that Yamapi can’t read, and it sends a tingle up Yamapi’s spine. Then Jin pulls out a hand from underneath the covers, offering it to Yamapi, and Yamapi grins as they do their secret handshake.
---
The night before Jin leaves for America, he has yakiniku with Yamapi and Ryo and Yuu. All of them love yakiniku, and Yamapi figures that Jin needs to take the memory of good Japanese food with him to America, because Yamapi is worried that Jin will eat nothing but burgers and fries there.
“Have fun in America,” Ryo says. “Don’t get fat. Or else you’ll scare off the girls. Not that you won’t already. You look like a ghost lately, Jin. Honestly, have you seen yourself in the mirror? And your hair is getting too long. Are you going to get it cut before you go to America?”
Jin’s smile is weary, and he doesn’t say anything in reply. He stuffs his mouth with beef fresh off the grill and winces because it’s burnt his tongue. Yamapi’s heart clenches a little. Jin’s eyebags are dark and clearly visible, and the lighting inside the restaurant is making them seem worse than usual. Yamapi feels sad. He’ll miss Jin, he thinks, watching Jin wash down the meat with beer.
“Would you like us to come to the airport tomorrow?” Yuu asks. “To see you off?”
Jin considers this for a moment, gulping down some more beer. “No,” he decides. “You guys have work, right? It’d be too much of a bother.”
“I’m free tomorrow,” Yuu protests. “I seriously won’t mind coming with you.”
Jin shakes his head. “No. I’d like to have some time on my own,” he says. And Yamapi thinks of how much Jin’s changed too, as a person. There’s something definitely more mature about him. He’s less innocent, less idiotic, (less like the sun he used to be). and for a split second, Yamapi almost can’t remember ever skiving off school with this boy. But he’s still Jin, and they’re still best friends.
“You’d get plenty of that once you’re in America,” Ryo points out sharply. “Why don’t you let Yuu see you off? I can’t come, and Pi can’t either, but wouldn’t it be nice to have Yuu, at least? You’ll regret it once you’re in America and you find that miss us too much.”
Jin laughs. “Nah, it’s fine. I really think I should go on my own. And I know I’ll miss you guys a lot, anyway.”
Something shifts in Ryo’s expression, and suddenly they’re all too sombre. There is an awkward silence, and Yamapi lowers his head and rolls around a piece of chicken in the sauce. “Jin,” he says quietly. “Jin.”
The silence continues to hang there.
“Well,” Yuu says abruptly. “So-- how are things going on with Kanjani8 lately?”
Ryo hesitates a beat before answering, “It’s great. We’re going to have winter concerts in December. There’s a lot of planning going on recently and stuff.”
---
Jin has downed his seventh can of beer and Yamapi knows he’s getting drunk (and he’s the only one drunk out of all four of them). Their stomachs are filled by now, so they pay for their food and leave the restaurant. “I’ll take Jin home,” Yuu offers.
“I’ll come too,” Yamapi says.
“I’m sure you two can take care of Jin, right?” Ryo says. “I don’t need to come too?”
Yamapi laughs. “No, Ryo. It’s getting late. You can go home alone though, yeah? Get some rest.”
They say goodbye to Ryo and head back to Jin’s apartment, supporting Jin between the two of them. Jin is half-asleep. The yakiniku restaurant isn’t too far away from where Jin lives, and soon after walking past about three dozen street lamps, they arrive at their destination.
“Thanks, Yuu, I’ll take care of things from here,” Yamapi says, smiling gratefully. Yuu smiles back, and his eyes seem to be trying to communicate something to Yamapi. Yamapi doesn’t know what though, but he doesn’t ask and Yuu doesn’t speak. So Yamapi nods and Yuu waves, turns around and walks down the street.
Yamapi walks upstairs, carrying Jin on his back, and opens the door to Jin’s apartment (he has the keys, of course). He lets Jin fall onto the bed. “Feeling okay? Are you going to be sick or anything?” he asks. Jin simply stares at him, eyes wide, and Yamapi is confused.
“Pi,” Jin exhales, one hand wrapping around Yamapi’s neck and forcing Yamapi to bend down. “Pi.” Yamapi can smell the stink of alcohol in Jin’s breath. “Don’t go yet.” And then suddenly Yamapi’s lips are pressed on top of Jin’s, and he’s panicking, because he doesn’t understand any of it and it’s all wrong, because Jin tastes of nothing but beer, and Yamapi’s heart is racing and his whole body is frozen, and he thinks that this must be what dying feels like. His heart is going to burst, any second, and he will cease to exist.
It takes him a while to react, to struggle free of Jin’s grasp. He staggers back, and Jin sits up in bed, looking at him with wild, desperate eyes and a pleading expression, saying, “Pi, please don’t go yet. There are things I need to tell you--”
“Jin, you’re drunk,” Yamapi says, his breathing uneven.
“No, Pi, I’m not that drunk, and I know what I want to say,” Jin says. “You know we’re best friends, right?”
Yamapi can’t say no to that. “Yes,” he says. “Of course we are. We’ve always been. It’s just. I’m sorry. I don’t think-- I’ll need some time to think about this, okay?” He closes his eyes, and he remembers skiving off school with Jin. It flashes past him, memories of burping contests and bright red shirts and stupid English tests. Dancing around the room with Christmas lights outside. He must really be dying, he thinks, and he starts laughing hysterically.
“Don’t worry,” Jin says. “You’ll have lots of time. Months and months.” His eyes are soft, sad. Yamapi doesn’t think he can’t stand this anymore, and he runs out of the door, slamming it shut behind him.
Jin climbs out of bed, feeling dizzy and sick, and goes into the bathroom, glancing at himself in the mirror. He is a total mess.
He wretches into the toilet.
---
Yamapi gets a text message from Jin the next day.
Boarding flight in fifteen minutes. I hope you’ll text me back as soon as you see this. But I can understand if you don’t. Like I said, you have lots of time to think about it, right? I like you, Pi, I mean it. And I’m sure no matter what you think about that, we’ll stay best friends forever, at least.
Yamapi still isn’t sure what to think (even though he’s had a sleepless night, thinking about how Ryo and Yuu must have known about it all along, thinking about all the strange feelings he gets when he looks at Jin sometimes), but he does text back straight away, impulsively, his fingers flying on the keypad and pressing send before he’s even had a chance to think properly.
I’m still thinking. But yeah, best friends forever, Jin. Take care of yourself in America. Study hard. I’ll support you. E-mail me lots, ok? And have a safe flight.
Jin’s reply is instantateous and it’s short, concise: a grinning emoji, a victory sign and a bright red heart. (Yamapi’s own heart almost breaks.)
---
Jin comes back to Japan six months later, and when he arrives at the jimusho, the first person he sees is Yamapi, standing in the hallway, leaning casually against a wall and smiling at him. He’s wearing the bright red shirt that Jin gave him for Christmas so long ago, the one that used to be too big for him. Now it’s almost too small, fitting around his form tightly. Jin can’t quite believe it. He hasn’t seen Yamapi wear it since forever. The colour is still as bright, blinding him momentarily, (and Yamapi is just as beautiful as ever).
“Pi,” he whispers, not quite trusting his voice. He’s afraid it might crack any second. “Pi.” Yamapi is hugging him and saying welcome back in his most cheerful voice. Jin kisses him (he misses those lips so much, even though he’s only ever tasted them once before), and Yamapi doesn’t resist this time. He’s had enough time to think about it (and he’s also had enough of Ryo shaking his head at him and telling him what a lovesick idiot he is), and he knows what he wants now. He deepens the kiss, savouring the taste of Jin’s mouth. This time Jin doesn’t taste of beer, and Pi is thankful. He tastes of something salty and slightly spicy, and Pi thinks he knows what it is. It’s the assorted snacks that flight attendants give out to passengers.
(He tastes of Jin, too, Jin-- the taste of happiness and freedom and best friends, forever, and Yamapi loves that more than anything else.)
“I see you haven’t cut your hair,” Yamapi comments when he pulls away, running his fingers through Jin’s long mane of black hair. “You lazy ass, couldn’t even be bothered to go to a hairdresser’s? I wonder what else you did all day.”
“I thought of you,” Jin says, earnestly, eyes bright. Yamapi’s heart skips a beat.
“Idiot. Stop being cheesy,” he says, gives Jin a shove like he always does, but he can’t stop grinning anyway. “Stupid.”
Jin grins right back.
From: twirlingleaves
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Title Nothing shines quite as bright
Pairing Pin
Rating PG
Notes First time writing Pin. It’s harder than I thought, but I love this pairing. I hope you enjoy it, spurious!
Summary: Skiving off school, growing up, and a bright red shirt.
Nothing shines quite as bright
“We have an English test today,” Jin says when he emerges from the front door of his house where Yamapi is waiting for him, and that’s the only reason he needs to give. He wants to skive off school. It’s something that every schoolboy (or even schoolgirl, sometimes) will attempt at least once in their lifetime. And it’s not as if they haven’t done it before.
Jin hates English, Yamapi knows-- the sounds of the words are foreign and difficult to grasp and they tumble out of Jin’s mouth in an jumbled and awkward way, making little sense. Yamapi doesn’t like English much either, but he enjoys most of the other subjects. Yamapi likes learning. He knows that Jin, on the other hand, doesn’t like any of the subjects much. To Jin, school is meaningless. Jin thinks that youth is meant to be so much more than that, much more than sitting on hard wooden chairs in stuffy classrooms all day, hands aching from all the notes they have to make.
Yamapi knows all that, and so he decides he’ll skive off school with Jin, keep Jin company. They don’t walk to school. Instead, they go to where they shouldn’t be. It’s rush hour; there are people everywhere, businessmen in suits, rushing to work, all with the same serious, earnest expressions on their faces. No one really notices them, two schoolboys dressed in blue uniform, buttons loose, a bagful of books slung across their shoulders, constantly exchanging mischievous glances and skipping across the road while the light is still red.
They enter the game centre and they play, car-racing and destroying monsters from outer space and street fighting, blood splattering across the screen and the score shooting up as Yamapi clap his hands together gleefully (“Special combo attack!” he exclaims). They compete against each other for high scores, and Jin sulks every time Yamapi does better than him. There are other students, from other schools, skiving off just like them. Jin is thrilled with the thought that he’s out here, free, free, free from his evil English teacher while his fellow classmates suffer.
They have pizza for lunch, using up the last of their pocket money for the month. The waiter eyes them suspiciously (a look that says, ‘you really shouldn’t be here, should you?’), but they don’t get asked about it, they don’t get kicked out, and the pizza they ordered arrives safely on the table, hot and fresh and the base crispy.
(Jin touches the pan accidentally and screeches when his finger is burnt. Yamapi just shakes his head and laughs as Jin sucks his finger.)
They drink fizzy coke and Yamapi burps loudly afterwards, when they are leaving the restaurant. Jin pulls a disgusted face, about to admonish Yamapi, before he burps even louder himself. Yamapi almost collapses in a laughing fit, and they end up having a contest to see who can burp the loudest. There is no one to be the judge (the occasional passerby glares at them disapprovingly though), and Jin insists he is definitely the winner, so Yamapi gives in and lets him.
They would go back to the game centre, but their pockets are empty of jingling coins and they still have the rest of the afternoon to waste away. They end up at the mall, staring longingly at items on display behind shop windows, their hands pressed against the glass and leaving behind ghostly prints.
“I like that shirt,” Yamapi points at a bright red shirt that one of those fake plastic models are wearing.
“You’d stand out in that. Very conspicuous,” Jin remarks.
“Isn’t that the whole point?” Yamapi laughs. “Being at the centre of attention is great.”
Jin supposes he has to agree. They are both working in the jimusho. (Jin only passed the audition less than a year ago. Yamapi’s been in the jimusho for much longer-- nearly four years. Four years is a lot to Jin. He finds it funny how he can almost think of Yamapi as a sempai in the jimusho when he’s older than Yamapi and they go to school together in the same class.) They’re not quite famous yet, but Yamapi believes they will be. Yamapi loves what he does, and it’s one of his dreams to be recognized on national television and to be that idol whom everyone adores. He is an ambitious person. He told Jin that he wanted to graduate from high school, and go on to study in university. Jin laughed at him, because Jin-- Jin doesn’t want school. Jin would sooner quit school than anything else. He doesn’t understand why Yamapi likes school so much.
Yamapi knows Jin has his moments of doubt about being famous. Yamapi knows that Jin’s mother was the one who sent in the form to the jimusho. Sometimes Yamapi can’t really tell whether Jin wants that kind of future for himself or not. When Yamapi closes his eyes and imagines Jin standing on the stage, he finds that he can’t. There is only a soft-haired boy playing soccer, and lying on the grass afterwards, tired and laughing.
They eventually leave the mall, because just looking and not being able to buy anything isn’t at all that wonderful. There’s not anything left to do, and school should end soon. They start walking home, and it starts to rain on the way back, but neither of them has an umbrella. They hold their bags over their heads and run, laughing, feet splashing water everywhere, and they are drenched by the time they get home.
They lie to their mothers about school (good day, good lessons, good English test, really), except that evening the headmaster phones in and they end up getting told off and the next day they still have to do the English test, and Yamapi’s teacher tells him that he’ll never be able to get into university this way.
---
Jin gets the red shirt for Yamapi as a Christmas present, months later. The one he buys is the last one in stock and the price discounted (ten percent off). It’s two sizes too big for Yamapi, and Jin knows that. It doesn’t matter though. He’s sure Yamapi won’t mind having an oversized shirt, and anyway, he’ll grow to fit it soon enough. Yamapi grew two centimetres in the past few months, Jin knows (because Yamapi announced it excitedly to Jin, because they’re both growing, growing, growing all the time, and it’s not just that they’re getting taller).
When Yamapi opens his present (wrapped in pink wrapping paper because Jin knows Yamapi likes pink), he blinks in surprise, as if he didn’t expect Jin to remember it, because Jin never remembers anything. Jin feels incredibly smug with himself for this achievement, and Yamapi is grinning, trying on the shirt. He doesn’t make a comment on how big it is even though it looks huge, and Jin, staring at Yamapi, thinks it suits Yamapi more than he would have expected. He thinks that Yamapi looks kind of beautiful in the shirt, his expression bright (too bright).
Yamapi’s present to Jin is that latest album of Jin’s favourite artist. Yamapi knows which artists Jin like because of the countless times he’s shared Jin’s CD player on the way to and from school every day, and Jin is always playing the same CDs.
Jin puts on the CD that Yamapi has given him, and the music that blasts out is upbeat and lively. Jin hugs Yamapi for it. “Thank you thank you thank you,” he mutters breathlessly. “Their music is amazing, isn’t it?”
And Yamapi thinks this is one of the reasons why he wants to work in the entertainment industry. Because someone will listen to his music and love it, even if it may not be the best music in the world. (Because to be truthful, Yamapi doesn’t really like some of the artists that Jin loves. He doesn’t tell Jin, though. And for some reason even if he doesn’t like the music, he doesn’t mind listening to it, one earpiece in his ear and the other in Jin’s.)
Jin is flopping around the room in an attempt to dance to the music. Yamapi laughs at him, but Jin tugs at his too-long sleeve and urges him to dance, too, so he joins in. They’re the only two people there, alone in Jin’s room, Christmas lights glowing on the streets outside, and Yamapi thinks he doesn’t really care how silly he must look.
---
One day, when Yamapi and Ryo are out shopping together, Ryo remarks suddenly, “You’re always wearing that shirt, Pi.”
Yamapi is bewildered for a second. The silver chain of the necklace he had been looking at slips through his fingers and falls with a loud clink. He looks down at what he’s wearing. Bright red. “Oh.”
Ryo idly plucks at the sleeve of Yamapi’s shirt, which is still too big for him. “I swear every time I see you outside of school, you’re wearing this shirt. You look ugly in it, too, has anyone told you that? The colour doesn’t match your skin tone. But you wear it all the time anyway. Do you ever wash it? Wait, on second thought, please don’t answer that. ‘Cause if you say no, then I’m afraid we can’t be friends anymore, sorry.”
“Of course I wash it,” Yamapi replies, punching Ryo’s arm half-heartedly. “It’s just that I really like this shirt. And I don’t look ugly in it.”
“Yes, you do. And I know who gave it to you, Pi,” Ryo says mysteriously, and there’s something about his voice that unsettles Yamapi.
“So?” Yamapi shrugs, trying to ignore how his heartbeat seems to be increasing and how his mind is whispering Jin Jin Jin Jin Jin.
Ryo’s lips twist in an amused curve. “Nothing. Just-- stop wearing it. It’s too bright. It hurts my eyes.”
Yamapi rolls his eyes, but when he gets home he puts the shirt away in the bottom of his drawer and he doesn’t ever take it out for a long while to come. But occasionally he eyes that drawer, remembers what’s in it, and there’s a strange, strange feeling in his chest, and he doesn’t really know why it’s there.
---
Over the years, many things change. There are the things that Yamapi always knew would change. Jin doesn’t listen to the same artists anymore, and his old CDs are a dusty stack of cracked cases in the corner of his room (including the one that Yamapi gave him some Christmases ago, that he used to listen to all the time and never got tired of). Jin never finished high school, but Yamapi graduated and went on to university like he’d always wanted to. They are both famous now, the dreams of thousands and thousands of fangirls.
Then there are the things Yamapi didn’t expect would change. Somehow, Jin has gained an interest in English. Jin once told Yamapi that he had been listening to Whitney Houston the other night, and that the lyrics were very beautiful and almost made him cry. Yamapi just called Jin a pussy.
(Jin said he wanted to write lyrics like that.
“In English?” Yamapi questioned.
“Maybe,” Jin replied.)
Yamapi knows that sometimes Jin buys those “learn English in a month!” books. Yamapi is skeptical of their effectiveness, because as far as he can tell, Jin doesn’t seem to be getting much better at English.
And then there are the things that don’t change (that Yamapi doesn’t ever want to change). Yamapi and Jin are good friends still, as good as ever, even though their busy, clashing schedules make it almost impossible to have dinner or watch a movie together. But that doesn’t stop them. They go out, the two of them, on the rare day offs, and they have the occasional sleepover at each other’s house.
One night, snuggled up in the futon at Yamapi’s house, Jin tells Yamapi that he’s going to go to America to study English, that it’s decided-- official, that he’s already told Johnny about it, that he’s leaving in three weeks. Yamapi is shocked, but he doesn’t react the way Jin was scared he would react. Instead, Yamapi smiles gently, giving Jin a friendly shove, and says, “You should have told me earlier, you idiot. I thought I was your best friend.”
Jin is relieved, warmed by Yamapi’s smile, and he is so, so glad that he has such a wonderful friend. Yamapi hasn’t attempted to throw something hard at him, like Koki had done, only to be pacified by Nakamaru. And neither is he looking miserable and exhausted and quiet, with a thousand questions and accusations in his dark eyes, why why why, you know better than to leave the group now when we’ve just debuted months ago, like Kame had done. (Although that doesn’t make Jin love Kame and Koki and all of the rest of KAT-TUN any less, because he can understand their reactions, and because that’s them. That’s KAT-TUN, with all their contrasting personalities, and Jin loves them for how they can never outwardly express their member-ai like other groups do, like NEWS and Kanjani8, even though they do all love each other so much, they really do.)
“You’re still my best friend, Pi,” Jin says softly. “I just thought I shouldn’t tell anyone until I was sure that I would be allowed to do it. And anyway, you’re the first to know apart from Johnny, so you should be happy.”
“How long will you be gone?” Yamapi asks.
“I don’t know yet,” Jin mumbles. “As long as it takes, I suppose.”
“What, you expect you’ll come back fluent in English?” Yamapi scoffs. “Don’t be silly, Jin. Like that’s ever gonna happen.”
Jin scratches his nose sheepishly. “You don’t think so?” he says. “Do you think it’s worth it then, going to America?”
There is a moment of silence.
“Jin,” Yamapi’s voice is suddenly firm, his expression stern. “Jin, you’ve decided. And you’re not going to change your mind. You want to do this, right--? Then do it. I doubt you’ll be fluent when you come back, but I’m sure you’ll have improved. You’re going to have fun, too, I’m sure. Pick up a few blonde chicks and all that.”
Jin chuckles lightly, but then he quietens and regards Yamapi for several long seconds with an expression that Yamapi can’t read, and it sends a tingle up Yamapi’s spine. Then Jin pulls out a hand from underneath the covers, offering it to Yamapi, and Yamapi grins as they do their secret handshake.
---
The night before Jin leaves for America, he has yakiniku with Yamapi and Ryo and Yuu. All of them love yakiniku, and Yamapi figures that Jin needs to take the memory of good Japanese food with him to America, because Yamapi is worried that Jin will eat nothing but burgers and fries there.
“Have fun in America,” Ryo says. “Don’t get fat. Or else you’ll scare off the girls. Not that you won’t already. You look like a ghost lately, Jin. Honestly, have you seen yourself in the mirror? And your hair is getting too long. Are you going to get it cut before you go to America?”
Jin’s smile is weary, and he doesn’t say anything in reply. He stuffs his mouth with beef fresh off the grill and winces because it’s burnt his tongue. Yamapi’s heart clenches a little. Jin’s eyebags are dark and clearly visible, and the lighting inside the restaurant is making them seem worse than usual. Yamapi feels sad. He’ll miss Jin, he thinks, watching Jin wash down the meat with beer.
“Would you like us to come to the airport tomorrow?” Yuu asks. “To see you off?”
Jin considers this for a moment, gulping down some more beer. “No,” he decides. “You guys have work, right? It’d be too much of a bother.”
“I’m free tomorrow,” Yuu protests. “I seriously won’t mind coming with you.”
Jin shakes his head. “No. I’d like to have some time on my own,” he says. And Yamapi thinks of how much Jin’s changed too, as a person. There’s something definitely more mature about him. He’s less innocent, less idiotic, (less like the sun he used to be). and for a split second, Yamapi almost can’t remember ever skiving off school with this boy. But he’s still Jin, and they’re still best friends.
“You’d get plenty of that once you’re in America,” Ryo points out sharply. “Why don’t you let Yuu see you off? I can’t come, and Pi can’t either, but wouldn’t it be nice to have Yuu, at least? You’ll regret it once you’re in America and you find that miss us too much.”
Jin laughs. “Nah, it’s fine. I really think I should go on my own. And I know I’ll miss you guys a lot, anyway.”
Something shifts in Ryo’s expression, and suddenly they’re all too sombre. There is an awkward silence, and Yamapi lowers his head and rolls around a piece of chicken in the sauce. “Jin,” he says quietly. “Jin.”
The silence continues to hang there.
“Well,” Yuu says abruptly. “So-- how are things going on with Kanjani8 lately?”
Ryo hesitates a beat before answering, “It’s great. We’re going to have winter concerts in December. There’s a lot of planning going on recently and stuff.”
---
Jin has downed his seventh can of beer and Yamapi knows he’s getting drunk (and he’s the only one drunk out of all four of them). Their stomachs are filled by now, so they pay for their food and leave the restaurant. “I’ll take Jin home,” Yuu offers.
“I’ll come too,” Yamapi says.
“I’m sure you two can take care of Jin, right?” Ryo says. “I don’t need to come too?”
Yamapi laughs. “No, Ryo. It’s getting late. You can go home alone though, yeah? Get some rest.”
They say goodbye to Ryo and head back to Jin’s apartment, supporting Jin between the two of them. Jin is half-asleep. The yakiniku restaurant isn’t too far away from where Jin lives, and soon after walking past about three dozen street lamps, they arrive at their destination.
“Thanks, Yuu, I’ll take care of things from here,” Yamapi says, smiling gratefully. Yuu smiles back, and his eyes seem to be trying to communicate something to Yamapi. Yamapi doesn’t know what though, but he doesn’t ask and Yuu doesn’t speak. So Yamapi nods and Yuu waves, turns around and walks down the street.
Yamapi walks upstairs, carrying Jin on his back, and opens the door to Jin’s apartment (he has the keys, of course). He lets Jin fall onto the bed. “Feeling okay? Are you going to be sick or anything?” he asks. Jin simply stares at him, eyes wide, and Yamapi is confused.
“Pi,” Jin exhales, one hand wrapping around Yamapi’s neck and forcing Yamapi to bend down. “Pi.” Yamapi can smell the stink of alcohol in Jin’s breath. “Don’t go yet.” And then suddenly Yamapi’s lips are pressed on top of Jin’s, and he’s panicking, because he doesn’t understand any of it and it’s all wrong, because Jin tastes of nothing but beer, and Yamapi’s heart is racing and his whole body is frozen, and he thinks that this must be what dying feels like. His heart is going to burst, any second, and he will cease to exist.
It takes him a while to react, to struggle free of Jin’s grasp. He staggers back, and Jin sits up in bed, looking at him with wild, desperate eyes and a pleading expression, saying, “Pi, please don’t go yet. There are things I need to tell you--”
“Jin, you’re drunk,” Yamapi says, his breathing uneven.
“No, Pi, I’m not that drunk, and I know what I want to say,” Jin says. “You know we’re best friends, right?”
Yamapi can’t say no to that. “Yes,” he says. “Of course we are. We’ve always been. It’s just. I’m sorry. I don’t think-- I’ll need some time to think about this, okay?” He closes his eyes, and he remembers skiving off school with Jin. It flashes past him, memories of burping contests and bright red shirts and stupid English tests. Dancing around the room with Christmas lights outside. He must really be dying, he thinks, and he starts laughing hysterically.
“Don’t worry,” Jin says. “You’ll have lots of time. Months and months.” His eyes are soft, sad. Yamapi doesn’t think he can’t stand this anymore, and he runs out of the door, slamming it shut behind him.
Jin climbs out of bed, feeling dizzy and sick, and goes into the bathroom, glancing at himself in the mirror. He is a total mess.
He wretches into the toilet.
---
Yamapi gets a text message from Jin the next day.
Boarding flight in fifteen minutes. I hope you’ll text me back as soon as you see this. But I can understand if you don’t. Like I said, you have lots of time to think about it, right? I like you, Pi, I mean it. And I’m sure no matter what you think about that, we’ll stay best friends forever, at least.
Yamapi still isn’t sure what to think (even though he’s had a sleepless night, thinking about how Ryo and Yuu must have known about it all along, thinking about all the strange feelings he gets when he looks at Jin sometimes), but he does text back straight away, impulsively, his fingers flying on the keypad and pressing send before he’s even had a chance to think properly.
I’m still thinking. But yeah, best friends forever, Jin. Take care of yourself in America. Study hard. I’ll support you. E-mail me lots, ok? And have a safe flight.
Jin’s reply is instantateous and it’s short, concise: a grinning emoji, a victory sign and a bright red heart. (Yamapi’s own heart almost breaks.)
---
Jin comes back to Japan six months later, and when he arrives at the jimusho, the first person he sees is Yamapi, standing in the hallway, leaning casually against a wall and smiling at him. He’s wearing the bright red shirt that Jin gave him for Christmas so long ago, the one that used to be too big for him. Now it’s almost too small, fitting around his form tightly. Jin can’t quite believe it. He hasn’t seen Yamapi wear it since forever. The colour is still as bright, blinding him momentarily, (and Yamapi is just as beautiful as ever).
“Pi,” he whispers, not quite trusting his voice. He’s afraid it might crack any second. “Pi.” Yamapi is hugging him and saying welcome back in his most cheerful voice. Jin kisses him (he misses those lips so much, even though he’s only ever tasted them once before), and Yamapi doesn’t resist this time. He’s had enough time to think about it (and he’s also had enough of Ryo shaking his head at him and telling him what a lovesick idiot he is), and he knows what he wants now. He deepens the kiss, savouring the taste of Jin’s mouth. This time Jin doesn’t taste of beer, and Pi is thankful. He tastes of something salty and slightly spicy, and Pi thinks he knows what it is. It’s the assorted snacks that flight attendants give out to passengers.
(He tastes of Jin, too, Jin-- the taste of happiness and freedom and best friends, forever, and Yamapi loves that more than anything else.)
“I see you haven’t cut your hair,” Yamapi comments when he pulls away, running his fingers through Jin’s long mane of black hair. “You lazy ass, couldn’t even be bothered to go to a hairdresser’s? I wonder what else you did all day.”
“I thought of you,” Jin says, earnestly, eyes bright. Yamapi’s heart skips a beat.
“Idiot. Stop being cheesy,” he says, gives Jin a shove like he always does, but he can’t stop grinning anyway. “Stupid.”
Jin grins right back.