JE-united surprise fic for arashianelf Part 1/17
Gift fic for arashianelf
Title: Crimson Camellia
Pairing: Sakumiya, Juntoshi, other sidepairings which are only temporary and/or cannot be mentioned due to spoiler risk
Rating: up to NC-17
Warnings: different timelines, different POVs, character deaths in the past, cross dressing, gender queerness, unrequited love
Summary:
Assistant Professor Sakurai Sho regularly dreams about having a relationship with someone he hasn't met yet, being convinced that this person is his soulmate. When he meets Nino, he soon realizes that it must be him. Literature student Ninomiya Kazunari doesn't believe in soulmates or anything related to fate or love, nevertheless he can write the most intriguing and tragic love stories. The talented Kabuki-newcomer Ohno Satoshi bears a secret that he only shares with a handful of people. When he reads a short-story by Nino, he discovers himself in it. In the meantime, journalist Matsumoto Jun meets his own soulmate, but discovers that things aren't as they are supposed to be.
Notes:
This is my first time attempting something like a soulmate fanfiction and I'm pretty sure that I didn't really follow all the "rules" XD Instead, I tried to create my own concept for this topic and I hope my recipient will like it. This was a crazy write and I fully enjoyed it. Thank you to all those people (including my beta reader of course) who supported me during the writing process!
- - + SAKURAI SHO + - -
Lit only by a yellow, round paper lamp, the room dips in a romantic atmosphere, revealing just enough to feed the most secret of dreams. The chirring of the cicadas outside breaks the silence of the night, drowning the low moans coming from a couple, hidden in the semi-darkness.
The skin underneath his fingers feels like it is burning and freezing at the same time. The hotness of the room makes it hard to concentrate, the slight, feather-like touch makes the young, only half-dressed, man on top of him shiver. Sho, lying underneath on his futon and enjoying the view, smiles - no, smirks - finding pure satisfaction in observing how restless the other becomes under his touch and he cannot take his hands from that so addictive body, from that so adorable person.
The silver rays of the full moon shining from the outside into the room through the slightly opened paper doors give the whole scene an even more mysterious, magical vibe. It's almost dreamy and Sho swears, if this is a dream, he never wants to wake up again. He witnesses the man on top of him pulling in some air, his chest raising before he actually holds his breath from the excitement. The young man's hands find their way to Sho's body, his chest, slipping to the inside of the already slightly parted sleeping kimono, covering the lying man. He cannot hold back a sigh once he feels the touch of those adorably cute hands on his skin. Excited, he reaches his hands to finally undo the obi, which is only loosely holding his partner's clothes together anyway, getting rid of it and pushing the ordinary fabric away to expose what he wants to see the most - everything of the one he loves.
Yes, love is the most prominent feeling, Sho is experiencing right now, deep, honest love. He knows, that it's somehow a miracle that they are still together, that they have overcome all the hurdles of their relationship so far and that now - despite all the circumstances - they still are a couple. A couple so much in love that they can barely spend one night apart from each other. This is why the other man sneaks into his lover's bedroom once the night falls, once the house is quiet and everyone is sleeping - except them.
Enjoying the view, Sho allows his fingers to trail up the slender body on top of him, slowly, as if he doesn't want to miss touching even just one centimetre square of the flawless soft skin. He meets the familiar little brown dots, the moles of his lover spread over his body, small, at a size that only the one possessing the privilege to touch this body would be able to find them. Sho loves them. Every single one of it. He loves them as much as everything else about that person in his arms. His soulmate.
His eyes follow his fingers' traces and he brushes them over the man's flat stomach, his chest, those tiny cute nipples, his distinct collarbones and his throat, along the slender jawline - not missing another, more prominent one of those lovely moles at the left side of the chin - until his hands cup the slim face. The young man's cheeks feel hot and are coloured in a nice shade of red. Sho gulps as his desire threatens to overwhelm him completely. He dares to lift his look a bit more, until their eyes finally met and this is the moment when he feels like breathing becomes hard. Those eyes, dark and deep, filled with tons of emotions are so alluring, looking right into Sho's heart, putting a spell on him.
When their bodies finally unite, the young man moans silently, his lovely voice sending pleasant shivers all over Sho's body. How he loves this feeling of becoming one with that man, he can’t describe it. The sensation of their joint bodies drives Sho crazy, his senses sharpening and blurring together at the same time. His heartbeat increases with the speed of their movements, their breathing becomes hitching and when they release together shortly after, it feels like heaven and earth clash in the most beautiful sunrise Sho has ever seen. His lover collapses on top of Sho's chest and he immediately wraps his arms around the slim body, holding it close. Their hearts are beating against each other, fast, but in unison.
Sho reaches his hand to his lover's back, letting his fingers trail up from the lower back along his spine until he finds a specific spot between the young man's shoulder blades. There's nothing to feel, no scar left, nothing, but Sho knows exactly that this is the very spot on which his lover wears the proof of their love, hidden from everyone who shouldn't see it. A small but meaningful tattoo, showing the picture of a camellia. The young man smiles when Sho doesn't stop to caress that spot and snuggles closer. Then, he reaches to Sho's other hand, brushing his fingers over a small mark covering his wrist. It shows the very same tattoo like on his back. Sho giggles slightly when the slight, almost fleeting touch tickles his sensitive skin and this intimacy between them makes Sho finally lose control again. He cannot hold back and lets his hands slide to the young man's face, cupping his cheeks to make him look him in the eye.
"I love you," Sho speaks the truest words.
He brings his own face closer, drawn by the magic of the man's eyes, and closes his eyes before their lips meet in a tender kiss. Their moans blend in and Sho's skin gets covered by a pleasuring goose bump. He reaches his hand up to run it through the young man's hair, lovingly. They brush their lips against each other’s again and again, deepening their kiss as if they never want to end it but when breathing becomes hard, they finally part.
The young man on top of Sho finally slides down from the latter man's body, freeing him from his weight. Their bodies still stick together, but they don't care. Lying down right next to the other, it doesn't take long until the young man finds himself wrapped in the strong embrace of Sho again and he smiles happily.
"I love you too, Shota...," the man whispers in a loving voice, reaching his hand to caress Sho's cheek.
Sho frowns. Shota? This isn't his name. And yet he knows it's him...
- - + - -
Sho sits up straight when the shock of the annoying loud alarm of his cell phone pulls him out of his sleep. The bright sunlight shining through the opened curtains of the window hits his eyes mercilessly and he cringes. He moans and he feels the stiffness of his neck, finding himself still sitting on his desk, the materials for his first day in his new job spread all over the table top.
Crap, he must have fallen asleep in the middle of his preparations, Sho realizes, his protesting morning voice grumbling frustrated from deep down in his throat and he realizes that his throat feels awfully dry. When he gets up to get something to drink, he realizes that he has a hard-on and for a short moment, Sho slips back into dream world, back into that half-lit room in a fine Japanese mansion, back to that intimate scene. He sighs.
How often has he dreamt about that already? About that place, about that person that was with him? Remembering it, gives him the feeling of belonging somewhere else than here and now. The feeling is almost overwhelming and it's paired with this strong desire welling up the young man's chest. However, whenever he tries to remember the face of his partner, he cannot. He can only find seemingly, blurred snippets of a reality he created during night. He searches for the one thing that made him feel so safe, so secure and for some reason, he knows that it must be the person he is dreaming of - dreaming of being in love with, he is dreaming of having sex with.
But Sho cannot remember his face.
He shakes his head. He remembers the body, the figure of the young man, remembers that he has moles in several places, but he can't clearly see the face of this mysterious lover in his dreams. He just dreamed about such passionate, sensual intimate contact and now, the face of his partner was gone, how is this even possible? He can remember something else though, a detail, something that always puzzles him when he dreams about it.
Absentmindedly, Sho lifts his left wrist, brushing the long-sleeved shirt that he is wearing back to expose his skin. There it is. A dark red spot. He lets his fingers run over the reddened skin slowly. It doesn't hurt. It never did. It's a birthmark, being imprinted on his body since his memories begin. It is not too rare to find a birthmark. That is not what is puzzling him. What is a mystery to him ever since he started thinking about it, is, why the birthmark more looks like a scar... some kind of brand wound or... an evanesced tattoo.
If someone looks closely, the birthmark could be recognized as a form of something, not only a red spot. It distantly resembles a flower and Sho remembers clearly that the lover of his dreams is wearing a tattoo looking exactly like Sho's birthmark, just not on his wrist but on his back. Sho frowns and wonders again. Why does that person have a tattoo looking like Sho's birthmark? Did they really share the same tattoo? He already dreamed too often about it to just brush it off as a random detail that had slipped from his consciousness to his dream. He doesn't know - or forgot - what exactly it's supposed to mean but the question just falls into a collection of many others.
Who is this stranger in his dream? Is he even a stranger? Or someone Sho knows? But for some reason, Sho knows that it's none of his former boyfriends, none of his current friends. So why does he feel like he knows that person so well? Who is that young man with that splendid body, a man overflowing with love and pain at the same time? It's like he's waiting to meet him ever since.
Again, the more, Sho tries to remember his face, the more the details seem to slip through his fingers. In the blink of an eye, his mind is blank and he has forgotten almost everything about this world in his dreams. About that man, them, why they were together. Everything that's left is that strong persistent feeling of longing for that person and hoping to dream about him again.
A strange feeling hits Sho and pulls him back to reality. Right, he wanted to get something to drink... and take care of the little problem down there. Maybe a shower would be a good choice. But damned, how late is it? Today is the first day of his new job after all and he definitely cannot afford to be late from the start, especially not, since being late usually isn't an option for Sakurai Sho and his plans anyway. Snatching his phone, Sho checks the alarm clock. It went off just as usual and of course, he is much too early, following his safety schedule, so a quick shower should not be a problem.
- + -
When Sho sets his foot onto the campus of Seijo University, he takes a deep breath and has a hard time to suppress the broad smile forming on his face. The warm sun makes him feel good. Spring is in full bloom and spreading its colours all over the place. The virility of the trees within the campus correlates to the briskness of the students' spirits that enter the university grounds for the first time after the break for the new university year. Sho can hear the cheerful laughter, girls calling out to each other, greeting their friends or exchanging first class schedules to find common classes and check on common professors. Sho finds himself remembering his own time at Toudai University. He enjoyed leading a student's life and he's glad to be back, even if he'll stand at the other side from now on.
"Sakurai-san!" a voice in front of him calls his name and Sho's head gets pulled out of the clouds.
He faced forward, trying to find the source of the voice and it doesn't take long for him to spot the man - one of the professors - standing near the entrance of the university building, waving at the young man while flashing him a friendly smile. Sho speeds up his steps until he stops in front of the man, bowing to greet him properly too.
"Good Morning, Sakamoto-sensei," he says, smiling back at him.
The professor answers the young man's greeting with a nod before moving to stand right next to him, patting his shoulder. "Nervous on your first day?" he asks with a smirk.
Sho chuckles slightly. "Thankfully not that much, I think, I pretty well prepared for today’s lessons."
He misses confessing that part where he fell asleep around midnight and just briefly skimmed through the rest of the papers on his breakfast table before coming to the campus. However, he has a natural talent if it comes to memorizing stuff, so it wasn't a problem at all and even if so, he most likely won't have much to do anyway on his first day than watching his mentor and learn from him. Together with the professor, who gives him another approving nod, he finally enters the building, following the man up to the second floor to his office.
Sho himself isn't here as a student today, he graduated from Toudai University just a few weeks ago and his above-average grades combined with a self-confident appearance left a good impression at his job interview which lead his way to his first job after graduation. He will be working as an assistant professor of Sakamoto Masayuki here at Seijo, and hopefully soon he will have the pleasure to hold some lectures. He aims to teach Literature and English, his first choice subjects and is happy when he learned that he would have the chance to do exactly so.
They are still early, considering that the first lecture will take place in only about one and a half hour. So, Sakamoto asks Sho to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk while he sits down himself. He opens one of the drawers to fish out a small stack of paper, after putting in a clearfile with the logo of Seijo University and hands it to Sho. It consists of his schedule, the lessons to which Sho should follow him around to assist him and more information material. Most of the information, Sho has already received on the day of his job interview, just in case he wanted to take a closer look. To be honest, he knows quite a lot about the university and its customs by now and won't need most of them. Also the material for the first few lessons he has already received by mail. Those are the papers he briefed already and he is pretty sure that he knows the first lesson of Sakamoto's course "Modern Japanese Literature - A Closer Look on Murakami Haruki" for second year students by heart already. The lesson would be easy.
Sho gets proven wrong once class starts, even if it's nothing about him being not prepared but more of someone who completely distracts him during the lecture. He doesn't notice anything special until the room is more or less filled, small groups of students, friends, gathering in the different corners of the lecture hall. It's funny to watch them getting comfortable while Sho takes one of the chairs on the side in the front, close to Sakamoto's lecture podium but not too close so that he doesn't really stand out. He can see some stereotypes he knows from his own time as a student, smirking at that fact. There are the few obvious nerds populating the first row in order not to miss any single word the lecturer would say or write onto the huge blackboard behind the small podium. The next few rows are occupied by most likely the average students - people who take their stuff serious but don't want to stand out too much. And of course in the back row, a few troublemakers and people coming late.
Sakamoto seems to know his students very well and shamelessly "greets" every single one of the latecomers by their names, causing the other students to turn their heads and look at them. This must be embarrassing, Sho thinks, but probably a very effective way of casting the lateness out of them. The professor lets his eyes wander over the audience before he checks a list lying on his podium and it seems like he's a bit hesitant before actually starting his first lesson, as if he is still waiting for something - or someone. However, a look on his wrist watch tells him that it's time to start and he doesn't want to lose any more time.
"Alright, everybody," Sakamoto starts speaking into the microphone with a clear, loud voice, filling the room and magically drawing every single one's attention to him. Sho is impressed and takes a first mental note to learn from the professor's appearance. "Holidays are over, so let's get serious from the beginning of this course. I'm very happy to see many familiar faces from my last year's course," he waves a little and when a female student jumps up excitedly, answering the gesture, the audience laughs joyfully, Sakamoto joining them before he throws the girl a wink and she sits down again with flushed red cheeks. "I see that a few people who originally enrolled for this course are still missing and I hope that they will show up later. If anyone knows them, please make sure to lend them your notes afterwards, thank you. Anyway, I want to welcome all of you to accompany me on an interesting journey through Murakami Haruki's life and literature work up to today."
The audience claps and Sho smiles. He is excited to see that his mentor is such a respected person; the students seem to love him. Just when the young man is looking at the professor, Sakamoto suddenly turns his head to him and looks him straight into his eyes. Sho lifts his eyebrows, wondering, if he misses something as the other nods at him encouragingly, finally waving his hand a little to make him stand up and come join him behind the podium. Finally, Sho gets what is going on and jumps up from his chair, his papers carelessly falling onto the floor. Oh great, yeah this is surely leaving a good impression, he thinks, gathering the spread materials quickly and putting them back onto his chair. Then, he takes some steps toward Sakamoto.
"May I introduce to you my new assistant professor, Sakurai Sho," Sakamoto says, pointing at the young man who now bows deeply before he looks at the audience again. The professor steps aside, making space on the podium for him to reach the microphone.
Well, now he is getting a little nervous indeed, Sho thinks but he pulls himself together. He's prepared for this. "Nice to meet you, my name is Sakurai Sho and I will assist Sakamoto-sensei in his Literature and English courses. I am excited to meet so many passionate students and I hope we will be able to learn from each other. I am still a beginner but if you have any questions about the course and Sensei isn't available, please don't hesitate to ask me for help and I will try my best. Please treat me nicely."
A few people in the audience clap politely, some are looking at Sho with distinct disinterest or critique - especially the nerds from row 1 - and a few girls in the upper left start to whisper and giggle. Sho doesn't really want to know if this is a good or bad sign and so he decides to ignore it for now.
"Thank you, Sakurai-sensei," professor Sakamoto says, clapping too and Sho nods again. He is just about to turn around and return to his seat when Sakamoto speaks up, a bit surprised and Sho's attention is drawn back to him. "Ah, Ninomiya! Welcome!"
Sho follows the look of his professor, which darts to the back of the room where the door got pushed open a few seconds ago and another student entered the lecture hall. It's a young man, dressed in a grey and black shirt, wearing a shoulder bag and black framed glasses who is stepping down the stairs until he reaches the third row and stops there to bow to Sakamoto. Sho zeroes in on the newcomer, blending out everything else around him. Something about that guy immediately draws his interest to him. He seems familiar. Does he know him? No…
"I'm very sorry Sensei, I'm late," the young man says and Sho blinks, returning to reality.
"Better late than never," the professor chuckles. "Not that it is exemplary behaviour to show up late at the first lesson, but I am happy about everyone joining my course, so please take a seat."
The young man - Ninomiya - blushes a little from embarrassment and takes place on a seat in the middle of the row, making sure that he has a good view at the blackboard. Sho cannot take his eyes off him, it's like he's under a spell. What the hell is going on?!
"Ah, right, Ninomiya," the professor continues, causing the other to stand up again. "This is Sakurai Sho, my new assistant professor, you just missed his introduction," he points at Sho who is still standing a little awkwardly between the podium and his chair. "Sakurai-san, this is Ninomiya, he won the university's literature contest last year, category short stories."
"Oh, Congratulations!" Sho says, genuinely, making a mental note to look it up later.
"Please don't mention it," Ninomiya murmurs, dropping his look as he blushes a little from the compliment. He doesn't seem to be the proud or confident type and somehow, Sho finds that very likeable.
Sho smiles and finds himself still staring at the young man, unable to stop. It seems like Ninomiya somehow feels it and when the young man then lifts his head again, looking directly at Sho and their eyes actually meet for the first time, Sho feels something strange inside his chest, causing his heartbeat to speed up and for a short moment, he forgets to breathe. He cannot really pinpoint what it is, but for some reason, a very familiar feeling spreads in him, until the realization that he actually knows this man hits him violently. His feeling from before, finding him familiar, must be true. Just that Sho, for god's sake, is not able to tell exactly, where he knows that man from. He cannot remember... no wait… his… dreams?
The sudden thought puzzles him and though, Sho feels a step closer to the answer. After looking at each other for a little longer, Ninomiya nods as a greeting before he finally averts his eyes and sits back down again, focusing on pulling out his notes and a pen from his bag. Sho finally strolls back to his chair, settling down too, but his look doesn't leave the young man for another few minutes, the strange feeling still present.
For the rest of the lesson, Sho tries to concentrate onto Sakamoto's words but to be honest, he is not concentrated, his notes are not really making much sense either, his look drifting off to the young man called Ninomiya in the middle of the third row again and again and his heart and mind is just a huge mess.
Thankfully, Sakamoto doesn't really notice.
- - + NINOMIYA KAZUNARI + - -
When Nino wakes up in the morning, he squints his eyes. There it is again, that stabbing pain in his back. He hisses and reaches his hand, trying to touch the exact spot, slightly on the right side of his spine between his shoulder blades. It's a little hard to reach with his own hand but somehow, he manages and puts some pressure on it to soothe the pain. Damned, did he lie in such a bad position again last night, causing it to hurt? The pressure helps a bit, for now and the young man sighs, letting his face sink back into his pillow. He will just need another few minutes before he is ready to get up.
He hears the door of this room sliding open and footsteps approaching his bed. He's facing the wall so that he cannot see who entered, but he knows it's his girlfriend who probably got up already to get ready for their first day of the new semester at university.
In fact, Nino didn't want her to stay over, here at his parents' place, but somehow, she just didn't want to go home the previous day. Not, that anything happened between them except of watching TV together before going to sleep around half past 10.
The mattress behind him sinks in a bit when she sits down right behind him. He can feel her long hair brushing his arm that he was still bending in a bit weird angle to reach the hurting spot near his spine.
"Is it your back again?" his girlfriend asks in a low voice.
Nino doesn't say anything but just nods. A second later, he feels her warm, soft fingers sliding underneath his shirt, underneath his hand, sensing the said spot, pressing slightly against it. He cringes again, and she retreats.
"I'm sorry," she murmurs.
"Not your fault," Nino says, slowly shifting, trying to get up. It takes a bit of effort but soon he sits upright in his bed, rubbing the hurting spot a last time.
When he looks at his girlfriend, her beautiful lips curl up into a warm smile, caring, worried, like always. As expected, she is already dressed in a nice feminine but not too strict light blue blouse and ultramarine blue, skinny jeans and she even has put on a light make-up, underlining her natural beauty. Her dark hair frames her slim, beautiful face and her eyes look piercing, like always. She's stunning, and she gives off this grown-up feeling. People are surprised when they hear that she's only about 20 years old. Sometimes Nino wonders what she finds in him, a slender, not very tall, still much too boyish looking young man with a hurting back at his young age but she seems to love him, sincerely.
"You should go to a doctor, it's obvious that it won't go away by itself," the woman says, sneaking a little closer to her boyfriend, reaching for his hand to press it, comforting.
"I know," Nino answers with a sigh, wanting to finish the topic.
"Shall I accompany you to a doctor in the afternoon?" the girl offers but Nino shakes his head.
"No need to," he turns down her offer immediately.
His girlfriend pouts. "Promise me, you'll go! You're too nonchalant, maybe they can find out what’s wrong with it this time."
Nino sighs. "Keiko, please," he cuts her and she bits her lower lip, knowing her boyfriend's attitude already.
He doesn't really want to talk about it. He has seen doctors already, trying to find out what it is, but they didn't find out anything. He didn't have an accident in the past that could have triggered the chronical pain he was feeling in his back since he could remember, and it doesn't seem to be any disease either. Some doctors even told Nino that he must be imagining the pain, that it might be something psychological. One even suspected that he was just making up the story about his hurting back to get a sick certificate so that he could skip work. Needless to say that Nino didn't consult that doctor ever again. The pain is real, he's convinced about it. Even if it's a mystery. Maybe, it's just part of him and he has to accept that he'll have to live with it. Thankfully, it is bearable most of the time and usually, it doesn't hinder him too much in his daily life. But there are bad days too and some of them started exactly like this morning.
Nino hopes that it wouldn't become one of these bad days, since he cannot be distracted by back pain at all today. It's the first day of his second year in university and he's excited about it. He might sound like a nerd but he missed university life during holidays. He cannot wait to return to the campus, to sit in the lecture rooms and the grand lecture hall of his faculty. He wants to be back at the huge library or the bookshop near the campus again, discovering the countless treasures of literature that he wasn't able to read yet and to exchange opinions about his favourite works with his fellow students. Usually, Nino isn't a man of much words, but when it comes to his passion, he was able to talk for days.
Thinking about all the good things coming up helps to push away the thoughts about the pain and soon, Nino is standing in front of his wardrobe, wearing his glasses, and grabbing some clothes.
"Your mother made breakfast, I'll go ahead," Keiko finally says, huffily, because she knows that he won't listen to her anyway, getting up from the bed and exiting the room, leaving her boyfriend behind.
Nino sighs again - too often already, considering the early hour - now she's upset again, he thinks while putting on a grey long sleeved shirt and a black T-shirt over it, matching his dark hair. He brushes his fingers through his bed hair, trying to put it in place, before he gives up and goes to the toilet to fix the problem with a bit hair gel after brushing his teeth. His look falls onto Keiko's small, pink-blossomed toilet bag which sits at the outer side of the sink neatly and takes it into his hand for a second.
The thing with Nino and Keiko is that their relationship doesn't really go well. Things between them are strange somehow, or they have become strange after the first phase of being in love passed. They got to know each other at the entrance exams for Seijo University over a year ago, as they ended up sitting next to each other in the exam room. They were chatting a bit while waiting for the test to begin, trying to soothe their nervousness and said good bye to each other at the end of the exam, not knowing if they would see each other ever again. Nino thought that it was a miracle when they met again at the entrance ceremony to Seijo a few months after the exam and maybe back then, he thought that it was… fate. Not that he believed in something like fate but they exchanged numbers and even if they entered completely different faculties at university, soon after they started dating. It has never been too passionate between them though, and they thought that it's just normal, since they aren't teenagers any longer, eager to explore love. Both want to share an adult relationship but for some reason, something is missing and Nino is convinced that he is not the only one knowing that. Nino cannot say, that he is happy in this relationship. Maybe, he doesn't love her enough.
Nevertheless, he cannot really grasp what exactly it is but somehow he knows that this woman isn't the person he wants to share his future life with. Maybe, they aren't compatible enough, and in fact, they don't have much common interests. Hell, they don't even really have much sex and the few times they did it, it was definitely not mind blowing, probably for both of them.
Why they are still together then? Keiko loves him and maybe, Nino is lonely. He tried to break up with her once, knowing that the wish of not being alone isn't sufficient enough for a love relationship, but she is so damned persistent, lulling the young man in again and again, avoiding the topic of breaking up so skilfully that somehow it isn't really a topic any longer at all. Maybe, Nino is just too much of a coward to pick up the topic again, he doesn't deny it, and that's why he postpones the unavoidable again and again.
"Didn't you sleep well, Kazu?" his mother asks as soon as he shows up in the dining room, taking his usual seat to her right. "You look pale."
"It's nothing," her son answers, brushing away her hand when the woman reaches to touch his face.
"Your back?" she frowns, worried. "You really should go to a doctor again, Dear."
"There is no need to worry, Mom, I'm doing fine," Nino replies, focusing on the bowl of rice in front of him.
"You shouldn't talk so lightly about this topic," his mother scolds him. "Keiko-chan is truly worried about you too, right, Keiko-chan?"
Nino rolls his eyes and darts them to his girlfriend who is sitting next to him, sipping from her coffee, averting her eyes, obviously ignoring her boyfriend. She must have told his mother about his pain. Again.
The thing with Nino's parents and Keiko is that they simply love her. Well, Nino can't really blame them. In fact, Keiko is an almost flawless person. She's a wonderful guest, polite, considerate, smart and it is easy to hold conversations with her about everything and anything. She is smiling all the time, even when she is having one of these small fights with her boyfriend, behind his parents' back. When she comes over to pay a visit, she helps Nino's mother in the kitchen. She's the perfect daughter-in-law, no doubt. Things could be so perfect. Could. If they would feel right.
- + -
After eating breakfast more or less in silence, Nino and Keiko get ready to leave the Ninomiya's house. Of course, the girl helped Nino's mother in the kitchen, as always, to dry the dishes the woman washed. Sometimes, the young man wonders if Keiko really likes doing household chores as she likes making his mother believe with her sweet words, or if she will throw the towel in an instant once she lives together with him and there is no potential mother-in-law around to please. Nino feels a bit guilty for having such thoughts about his own girlfriend, but he isn't really surprised about his doubts. In fact, they know little about each other for some reason and to be honest, he doesn't really care.
They walk next to each other to the station, without exchanging a single word, and take the next train that brings them a few stations further into the city. Then they walk together to the campus, still in silence but Nino doesn't mind. He's busy with examining his surroundings, spotting a few friends and acquaintances from last year, thinking about the first lesson of his new schedule. He looks at his watch, realizing that it was pretty much time already. Professor Sakamoto will surely start on time, and he should hurry in order not to be late for the first lesson.
When Nino wants to approach the second building on the left - literature faculty - Keiko holds him back, reaching out to grab his shirt's sleeve to make him look at her.
"You're not even going to wish me a nice day?" she asks, looking at him.
"Sorry, I was deep in thoughts," the young man murmurs, scratching his neck. "Have a nice day."
The girl sighs deeply, letting go the fabric between her fingers. She gives him a slightly desperate look and finally asks. "What did I do to you again to punish me with this deadly silence, Nino?"
"Eh?" Nino thinks about Keiko's words, wondering if she's right. Is he in a bad mood because of her? Maybe. But maybe he is just in a bad mood in general. "I'm not punishing you, I just don't feel like talking, I'm sorry," he tries to find an excuse.
"You aren't mad at me?" Keiko gives him her cutest look. "Because I mentioned the doctors again? I know you don't want to go see them..."
Nino drops his look, examining his lousily tied shoelaces. "If you know it, why do you bring up the topic again?" he murmurs.
The young woman steps forward, grabbing her boyfriend's arm. "I'm worried about you."
"And I told you so many times, you don't need to," Nino says.
His eyes glances at the face of his watch again. Damned, Professor Sakamoto's lecture must be starting soon and indeed, in the corner of his eye the young man spots a known fellow student that he is sure to meet at the lecture, rushing into the building. A bit unnerved, he focuses onto his girlfriend again, trying to finish the topic.
"Just stay out of my business, OK?"
OK, maybe those were the wrong words, he thinks, judging from the stunned look on Keiko's face. It seems that she is searching for an answer, when she finally throws at him, "You're a stubborn mule, you know that?!"
That's enough for the young man and he finally snaps. "What do you know about me?!"
"I'm your girlfriend!" Keiko points out loudly. "I am supposed to know you but you refuse to talk to me or let me into your heart."
Dumbfounded, Nino just stares at her for a moment. Then he brushes his hand over his face, trying to sort his words, without success. "I... I don't know what to reply to this."
"Fine. You know what? I'll get you to open up and if it's the last what I'm doing," Keiko says in an aggressive tone and somehow it sounds more like a threat than a romantic promise between lovers, what it should be in some cheesy movie. "And about your back," she adds. "If you wish, go on and suffer. It's your back, I get that. If you don't want my help with this, I won't push you anymore."
"Thanks, that's all I want," the young man says, rolling his eyes.
Keiko looks at him with a pissed off face and hisses. "You can be such an asshole, Nino."
He knows. He's a lousy boyfriend and for a moment, he even wishes, she will just break up with him on the spot instead of forcing another fight on him. He hates fighting. Nevertheless, the atmosphere between them is so poisoned most of the time, it's disgusting. Sometimes, Nino wonders if relationships are always supposed to be like this. He sees his parents pickering, fighting, on a daily basis since he can remember. They don't even fight over big things and their fights usually don't escalate but they linger in the air. And with him and Keiko, it is pretty much the same. Nino seriously wonders if he really wants that. If he really wants to have a relationship at all if it means that his life will be like this from now on.
When he doesn't answer, Keiko just sighs and with a murmured "See you later at lunch," turns to walk away, approaching her own faculty on the campus. Nino looks at her, seeing her long dark hair swaying in the light spring breeze.
He sighs too - again - knowing that he messed up - again - but he cannot bring himself to give in to her demands and he doesn’t want to lie to her just to soothe her mood. He has to admit that she's right, he doesn't let her in his heart. Not too far at least. He knows that he has troubles trusting people and opening his heart to them. He doesn't have much experience with love. He doesn't have many friends, no close ones, at least. It always has been like this and he doesn't even really know why and where it comes from. Maybe, he's just scared. Scared to get hurt, scared to get betrayed. Yes, he is a coward and he hates himself the most for it.
Nino curses when he looks at his watch a last time. He'll be late. Damned.
He turns around, rushing into the building and passing the hallway with quick steps, approaching the lecture room for Professor Sakamoto's course. Nino has been looking forward to this course since it was announced at the end of the last semester and he was one of the first people to enrol in it. Murakami Haruki was one of his most favourite authors and Professor Sakamoto was a great lecturer. His talent and the topic of the course combined could just be interesting.
Feeling embarrassed, Nino pushes open the huge door to the lecture room, spotting all the other students already sitting throughout the room and of course, Sakamoto has already started. When Nino realises that he hasn’t missed anything essential yet, he's relieved. However, when the professor spots him and calls him by his name, he freezes and quickly bows to apologize for being late before hurrying to a seat in one of the rows in the front of the room.
"Ah, right, Ninomiya," the professor calls him again before Nino finally can focus on unpacking his stuff to prepare for taking notes. He quickly stands up again, looking at the professor with expectation, who then gestures to a young man standing near to him. "This is Sakurai Sho, my new assistant professor."
The professor quickly introduces the two men to each other, of course not missing to point out that Nino is one of the winners of a recent writing competition here at Seijo. Not that it has been something mentionable, just a small university internal contest but Sakamoto has praised Nino for his entry a couple of times already, obviously proud of his student.
"Oh, Congratulations!" the guy, Sakurai, says, though most likely, he has never read Nino's story and never will, the young man thinks.
"Please don't mention it," Nino mumbles, more directed to the professor than to his new assistant.
When he feels like the young man is still staring at him, he looks up again, his eyes meeting Sakurai's and suddenly, his heart unexpectedly skips a beat when the other's straight-forward look seem to be piercing his heart. It's like the guy's eyes are looking directly into his heart, his soul. For some reason, Nino feels like that man recognizes him and he quickly tries to remember, if they have actually ever met before. But he cannot recall this face at all. Giving up, thinking that he may have mistaken, Nino finally nods to greet the other and then averts his eyes, trying to distract his mind from that person and concentrate on the lecture. He is here to learn something, after all.
The young man tries to concentrate onto Professor Sakamoto's lecture, taking notes as much as he can to make sure that he does not miss any details. The fact that the new assistant professor seems to be throwing looks at him occasionally, puzzles him at first. He doesn't understand what is going on. Why is that guy still staring at him so intensely? And why does it make Nino so nervous suddenly? Despite the strange feeling, the young man, for a few moments, isn't able to turn away from those eyes. However, in the end, Nino manages to ignore the stares somehow. For now.
- + -
"Nino, I'm so sorry for our fight in the morning," is the first thing Keiko says when she shows up in the canteen, settling down in the seat opposite of Nino at the small table for two people. She looks worried, and sorry. "You know that I love you, right?"
The young man declined to join some of his fellow students for lunch, since he has the feeling that he should have a proper talk with his girlfriend but somehow, this isn't exactly the direction he is aiming for.
"Keiko...," he murmurs, searching for the right words but she cuts him quickly before he can even come up with a proper sentence.
"I know, you need your space and that it's not my right to tell you how to live your life," the woman continues. "I just want you to know that I'm worried about you. Because I love you."
"Thank you," is everything, Nino can finally come up with, defeated by the woman's words, like so often.
She doesn't even seem to mind that he doesn't give back the words of love.
Title: Crimson Camellia
Pairing: Sakumiya, Juntoshi, other sidepairings which are only temporary and/or cannot be mentioned due to spoiler risk
Rating: up to NC-17
Warnings: different timelines, different POVs, character deaths in the past, cross dressing, gender queerness, unrequited love
Summary:
Assistant Professor Sakurai Sho regularly dreams about having a relationship with someone he hasn't met yet, being convinced that this person is his soulmate. When he meets Nino, he soon realizes that it must be him. Literature student Ninomiya Kazunari doesn't believe in soulmates or anything related to fate or love, nevertheless he can write the most intriguing and tragic love stories. The talented Kabuki-newcomer Ohno Satoshi bears a secret that he only shares with a handful of people. When he reads a short-story by Nino, he discovers himself in it. In the meantime, journalist Matsumoto Jun meets his own soulmate, but discovers that things aren't as they are supposed to be.
Notes:
This is my first time attempting something like a soulmate fanfiction and I'm pretty sure that I didn't really follow all the "rules" XD Instead, I tried to create my own concept for this topic and I hope my recipient will like it. This was a crazy write and I fully enjoyed it. Thank you to all those people (including my beta reader of course) who supported me during the writing process!
- - + SAKURAI SHO + - -
Lit only by a yellow, round paper lamp, the room dips in a romantic atmosphere, revealing just enough to feed the most secret of dreams. The chirring of the cicadas outside breaks the silence of the night, drowning the low moans coming from a couple, hidden in the semi-darkness.
The skin underneath his fingers feels like it is burning and freezing at the same time. The hotness of the room makes it hard to concentrate, the slight, feather-like touch makes the young, only half-dressed, man on top of him shiver. Sho, lying underneath on his futon and enjoying the view, smiles - no, smirks - finding pure satisfaction in observing how restless the other becomes under his touch and he cannot take his hands from that so addictive body, from that so adorable person.
The silver rays of the full moon shining from the outside into the room through the slightly opened paper doors give the whole scene an even more mysterious, magical vibe. It's almost dreamy and Sho swears, if this is a dream, he never wants to wake up again. He witnesses the man on top of him pulling in some air, his chest raising before he actually holds his breath from the excitement. The young man's hands find their way to Sho's body, his chest, slipping to the inside of the already slightly parted sleeping kimono, covering the lying man. He cannot hold back a sigh once he feels the touch of those adorably cute hands on his skin. Excited, he reaches his hands to finally undo the obi, which is only loosely holding his partner's clothes together anyway, getting rid of it and pushing the ordinary fabric away to expose what he wants to see the most - everything of the one he loves.
Yes, love is the most prominent feeling, Sho is experiencing right now, deep, honest love. He knows, that it's somehow a miracle that they are still together, that they have overcome all the hurdles of their relationship so far and that now - despite all the circumstances - they still are a couple. A couple so much in love that they can barely spend one night apart from each other. This is why the other man sneaks into his lover's bedroom once the night falls, once the house is quiet and everyone is sleeping - except them.
Enjoying the view, Sho allows his fingers to trail up the slender body on top of him, slowly, as if he doesn't want to miss touching even just one centimetre square of the flawless soft skin. He meets the familiar little brown dots, the moles of his lover spread over his body, small, at a size that only the one possessing the privilege to touch this body would be able to find them. Sho loves them. Every single one of it. He loves them as much as everything else about that person in his arms. His soulmate.
His eyes follow his fingers' traces and he brushes them over the man's flat stomach, his chest, those tiny cute nipples, his distinct collarbones and his throat, along the slender jawline - not missing another, more prominent one of those lovely moles at the left side of the chin - until his hands cup the slim face. The young man's cheeks feel hot and are coloured in a nice shade of red. Sho gulps as his desire threatens to overwhelm him completely. He dares to lift his look a bit more, until their eyes finally met and this is the moment when he feels like breathing becomes hard. Those eyes, dark and deep, filled with tons of emotions are so alluring, looking right into Sho's heart, putting a spell on him.
When their bodies finally unite, the young man moans silently, his lovely voice sending pleasant shivers all over Sho's body. How he loves this feeling of becoming one with that man, he can’t describe it. The sensation of their joint bodies drives Sho crazy, his senses sharpening and blurring together at the same time. His heartbeat increases with the speed of their movements, their breathing becomes hitching and when they release together shortly after, it feels like heaven and earth clash in the most beautiful sunrise Sho has ever seen. His lover collapses on top of Sho's chest and he immediately wraps his arms around the slim body, holding it close. Their hearts are beating against each other, fast, but in unison.
Sho reaches his hand to his lover's back, letting his fingers trail up from the lower back along his spine until he finds a specific spot between the young man's shoulder blades. There's nothing to feel, no scar left, nothing, but Sho knows exactly that this is the very spot on which his lover wears the proof of their love, hidden from everyone who shouldn't see it. A small but meaningful tattoo, showing the picture of a camellia. The young man smiles when Sho doesn't stop to caress that spot and snuggles closer. Then, he reaches to Sho's other hand, brushing his fingers over a small mark covering his wrist. It shows the very same tattoo like on his back. Sho giggles slightly when the slight, almost fleeting touch tickles his sensitive skin and this intimacy between them makes Sho finally lose control again. He cannot hold back and lets his hands slide to the young man's face, cupping his cheeks to make him look him in the eye.
"I love you," Sho speaks the truest words.
He brings his own face closer, drawn by the magic of the man's eyes, and closes his eyes before their lips meet in a tender kiss. Their moans blend in and Sho's skin gets covered by a pleasuring goose bump. He reaches his hand up to run it through the young man's hair, lovingly. They brush their lips against each other’s again and again, deepening their kiss as if they never want to end it but when breathing becomes hard, they finally part.
The young man on top of Sho finally slides down from the latter man's body, freeing him from his weight. Their bodies still stick together, but they don't care. Lying down right next to the other, it doesn't take long until the young man finds himself wrapped in the strong embrace of Sho again and he smiles happily.
"I love you too, Shota...," the man whispers in a loving voice, reaching his hand to caress Sho's cheek.
Sho frowns. Shota? This isn't his name. And yet he knows it's him...
- - + - -
Sho sits up straight when the shock of the annoying loud alarm of his cell phone pulls him out of his sleep. The bright sunlight shining through the opened curtains of the window hits his eyes mercilessly and he cringes. He moans and he feels the stiffness of his neck, finding himself still sitting on his desk, the materials for his first day in his new job spread all over the table top.
Crap, he must have fallen asleep in the middle of his preparations, Sho realizes, his protesting morning voice grumbling frustrated from deep down in his throat and he realizes that his throat feels awfully dry. When he gets up to get something to drink, he realizes that he has a hard-on and for a short moment, Sho slips back into dream world, back into that half-lit room in a fine Japanese mansion, back to that intimate scene. He sighs.
How often has he dreamt about that already? About that place, about that person that was with him? Remembering it, gives him the feeling of belonging somewhere else than here and now. The feeling is almost overwhelming and it's paired with this strong desire welling up the young man's chest. However, whenever he tries to remember the face of his partner, he cannot. He can only find seemingly, blurred snippets of a reality he created during night. He searches for the one thing that made him feel so safe, so secure and for some reason, he knows that it must be the person he is dreaming of - dreaming of being in love with, he is dreaming of having sex with.
But Sho cannot remember his face.
He shakes his head. He remembers the body, the figure of the young man, remembers that he has moles in several places, but he can't clearly see the face of this mysterious lover in his dreams. He just dreamed about such passionate, sensual intimate contact and now, the face of his partner was gone, how is this even possible? He can remember something else though, a detail, something that always puzzles him when he dreams about it.
Absentmindedly, Sho lifts his left wrist, brushing the long-sleeved shirt that he is wearing back to expose his skin. There it is. A dark red spot. He lets his fingers run over the reddened skin slowly. It doesn't hurt. It never did. It's a birthmark, being imprinted on his body since his memories begin. It is not too rare to find a birthmark. That is not what is puzzling him. What is a mystery to him ever since he started thinking about it, is, why the birthmark more looks like a scar... some kind of brand wound or... an evanesced tattoo.
If someone looks closely, the birthmark could be recognized as a form of something, not only a red spot. It distantly resembles a flower and Sho remembers clearly that the lover of his dreams is wearing a tattoo looking exactly like Sho's birthmark, just not on his wrist but on his back. Sho frowns and wonders again. Why does that person have a tattoo looking like Sho's birthmark? Did they really share the same tattoo? He already dreamed too often about it to just brush it off as a random detail that had slipped from his consciousness to his dream. He doesn't know - or forgot - what exactly it's supposed to mean but the question just falls into a collection of many others.
Who is this stranger in his dream? Is he even a stranger? Or someone Sho knows? But for some reason, Sho knows that it's none of his former boyfriends, none of his current friends. So why does he feel like he knows that person so well? Who is that young man with that splendid body, a man overflowing with love and pain at the same time? It's like he's waiting to meet him ever since.
Again, the more, Sho tries to remember his face, the more the details seem to slip through his fingers. In the blink of an eye, his mind is blank and he has forgotten almost everything about this world in his dreams. About that man, them, why they were together. Everything that's left is that strong persistent feeling of longing for that person and hoping to dream about him again.
A strange feeling hits Sho and pulls him back to reality. Right, he wanted to get something to drink... and take care of the little problem down there. Maybe a shower would be a good choice. But damned, how late is it? Today is the first day of his new job after all and he definitely cannot afford to be late from the start, especially not, since being late usually isn't an option for Sakurai Sho and his plans anyway. Snatching his phone, Sho checks the alarm clock. It went off just as usual and of course, he is much too early, following his safety schedule, so a quick shower should not be a problem.
- + -
When Sho sets his foot onto the campus of Seijo University, he takes a deep breath and has a hard time to suppress the broad smile forming on his face. The warm sun makes him feel good. Spring is in full bloom and spreading its colours all over the place. The virility of the trees within the campus correlates to the briskness of the students' spirits that enter the university grounds for the first time after the break for the new university year. Sho can hear the cheerful laughter, girls calling out to each other, greeting their friends or exchanging first class schedules to find common classes and check on common professors. Sho finds himself remembering his own time at Toudai University. He enjoyed leading a student's life and he's glad to be back, even if he'll stand at the other side from now on.
"Sakurai-san!" a voice in front of him calls his name and Sho's head gets pulled out of the clouds.
He faced forward, trying to find the source of the voice and it doesn't take long for him to spot the man - one of the professors - standing near the entrance of the university building, waving at the young man while flashing him a friendly smile. Sho speeds up his steps until he stops in front of the man, bowing to greet him properly too.
"Good Morning, Sakamoto-sensei," he says, smiling back at him.
The professor answers the young man's greeting with a nod before moving to stand right next to him, patting his shoulder. "Nervous on your first day?" he asks with a smirk.
Sho chuckles slightly. "Thankfully not that much, I think, I pretty well prepared for today’s lessons."
He misses confessing that part where he fell asleep around midnight and just briefly skimmed through the rest of the papers on his breakfast table before coming to the campus. However, he has a natural talent if it comes to memorizing stuff, so it wasn't a problem at all and even if so, he most likely won't have much to do anyway on his first day than watching his mentor and learn from him. Together with the professor, who gives him another approving nod, he finally enters the building, following the man up to the second floor to his office.
Sho himself isn't here as a student today, he graduated from Toudai University just a few weeks ago and his above-average grades combined with a self-confident appearance left a good impression at his job interview which lead his way to his first job after graduation. He will be working as an assistant professor of Sakamoto Masayuki here at Seijo, and hopefully soon he will have the pleasure to hold some lectures. He aims to teach Literature and English, his first choice subjects and is happy when he learned that he would have the chance to do exactly so.
They are still early, considering that the first lecture will take place in only about one and a half hour. So, Sakamoto asks Sho to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk while he sits down himself. He opens one of the drawers to fish out a small stack of paper, after putting in a clearfile with the logo of Seijo University and hands it to Sho. It consists of his schedule, the lessons to which Sho should follow him around to assist him and more information material. Most of the information, Sho has already received on the day of his job interview, just in case he wanted to take a closer look. To be honest, he knows quite a lot about the university and its customs by now and won't need most of them. Also the material for the first few lessons he has already received by mail. Those are the papers he briefed already and he is pretty sure that he knows the first lesson of Sakamoto's course "Modern Japanese Literature - A Closer Look on Murakami Haruki" for second year students by heart already. The lesson would be easy.
Sho gets proven wrong once class starts, even if it's nothing about him being not prepared but more of someone who completely distracts him during the lecture. He doesn't notice anything special until the room is more or less filled, small groups of students, friends, gathering in the different corners of the lecture hall. It's funny to watch them getting comfortable while Sho takes one of the chairs on the side in the front, close to Sakamoto's lecture podium but not too close so that he doesn't really stand out. He can see some stereotypes he knows from his own time as a student, smirking at that fact. There are the few obvious nerds populating the first row in order not to miss any single word the lecturer would say or write onto the huge blackboard behind the small podium. The next few rows are occupied by most likely the average students - people who take their stuff serious but don't want to stand out too much. And of course in the back row, a few troublemakers and people coming late.
Sakamoto seems to know his students very well and shamelessly "greets" every single one of the latecomers by their names, causing the other students to turn their heads and look at them. This must be embarrassing, Sho thinks, but probably a very effective way of casting the lateness out of them. The professor lets his eyes wander over the audience before he checks a list lying on his podium and it seems like he's a bit hesitant before actually starting his first lesson, as if he is still waiting for something - or someone. However, a look on his wrist watch tells him that it's time to start and he doesn't want to lose any more time.
"Alright, everybody," Sakamoto starts speaking into the microphone with a clear, loud voice, filling the room and magically drawing every single one's attention to him. Sho is impressed and takes a first mental note to learn from the professor's appearance. "Holidays are over, so let's get serious from the beginning of this course. I'm very happy to see many familiar faces from my last year's course," he waves a little and when a female student jumps up excitedly, answering the gesture, the audience laughs joyfully, Sakamoto joining them before he throws the girl a wink and she sits down again with flushed red cheeks. "I see that a few people who originally enrolled for this course are still missing and I hope that they will show up later. If anyone knows them, please make sure to lend them your notes afterwards, thank you. Anyway, I want to welcome all of you to accompany me on an interesting journey through Murakami Haruki's life and literature work up to today."
The audience claps and Sho smiles. He is excited to see that his mentor is such a respected person; the students seem to love him. Just when the young man is looking at the professor, Sakamoto suddenly turns his head to him and looks him straight into his eyes. Sho lifts his eyebrows, wondering, if he misses something as the other nods at him encouragingly, finally waving his hand a little to make him stand up and come join him behind the podium. Finally, Sho gets what is going on and jumps up from his chair, his papers carelessly falling onto the floor. Oh great, yeah this is surely leaving a good impression, he thinks, gathering the spread materials quickly and putting them back onto his chair. Then, he takes some steps toward Sakamoto.
"May I introduce to you my new assistant professor, Sakurai Sho," Sakamoto says, pointing at the young man who now bows deeply before he looks at the audience again. The professor steps aside, making space on the podium for him to reach the microphone.
Well, now he is getting a little nervous indeed, Sho thinks but he pulls himself together. He's prepared for this. "Nice to meet you, my name is Sakurai Sho and I will assist Sakamoto-sensei in his Literature and English courses. I am excited to meet so many passionate students and I hope we will be able to learn from each other. I am still a beginner but if you have any questions about the course and Sensei isn't available, please don't hesitate to ask me for help and I will try my best. Please treat me nicely."
A few people in the audience clap politely, some are looking at Sho with distinct disinterest or critique - especially the nerds from row 1 - and a few girls in the upper left start to whisper and giggle. Sho doesn't really want to know if this is a good or bad sign and so he decides to ignore it for now.
"Thank you, Sakurai-sensei," professor Sakamoto says, clapping too and Sho nods again. He is just about to turn around and return to his seat when Sakamoto speaks up, a bit surprised and Sho's attention is drawn back to him. "Ah, Ninomiya! Welcome!"
Sho follows the look of his professor, which darts to the back of the room where the door got pushed open a few seconds ago and another student entered the lecture hall. It's a young man, dressed in a grey and black shirt, wearing a shoulder bag and black framed glasses who is stepping down the stairs until he reaches the third row and stops there to bow to Sakamoto. Sho zeroes in on the newcomer, blending out everything else around him. Something about that guy immediately draws his interest to him. He seems familiar. Does he know him? No…
"I'm very sorry Sensei, I'm late," the young man says and Sho blinks, returning to reality.
"Better late than never," the professor chuckles. "Not that it is exemplary behaviour to show up late at the first lesson, but I am happy about everyone joining my course, so please take a seat."
The young man - Ninomiya - blushes a little from embarrassment and takes place on a seat in the middle of the row, making sure that he has a good view at the blackboard. Sho cannot take his eyes off him, it's like he's under a spell. What the hell is going on?!
"Ah, right, Ninomiya," the professor continues, causing the other to stand up again. "This is Sakurai Sho, my new assistant professor, you just missed his introduction," he points at Sho who is still standing a little awkwardly between the podium and his chair. "Sakurai-san, this is Ninomiya, he won the university's literature contest last year, category short stories."
"Oh, Congratulations!" Sho says, genuinely, making a mental note to look it up later.
"Please don't mention it," Ninomiya murmurs, dropping his look as he blushes a little from the compliment. He doesn't seem to be the proud or confident type and somehow, Sho finds that very likeable.
Sho smiles and finds himself still staring at the young man, unable to stop. It seems like Ninomiya somehow feels it and when the young man then lifts his head again, looking directly at Sho and their eyes actually meet for the first time, Sho feels something strange inside his chest, causing his heartbeat to speed up and for a short moment, he forgets to breathe. He cannot really pinpoint what it is, but for some reason, a very familiar feeling spreads in him, until the realization that he actually knows this man hits him violently. His feeling from before, finding him familiar, must be true. Just that Sho, for god's sake, is not able to tell exactly, where he knows that man from. He cannot remember... no wait… his… dreams?
The sudden thought puzzles him and though, Sho feels a step closer to the answer. After looking at each other for a little longer, Ninomiya nods as a greeting before he finally averts his eyes and sits back down again, focusing on pulling out his notes and a pen from his bag. Sho finally strolls back to his chair, settling down too, but his look doesn't leave the young man for another few minutes, the strange feeling still present.
For the rest of the lesson, Sho tries to concentrate onto Sakamoto's words but to be honest, he is not concentrated, his notes are not really making much sense either, his look drifting off to the young man called Ninomiya in the middle of the third row again and again and his heart and mind is just a huge mess.
Thankfully, Sakamoto doesn't really notice.
- - + NINOMIYA KAZUNARI + - -
When Nino wakes up in the morning, he squints his eyes. There it is again, that stabbing pain in his back. He hisses and reaches his hand, trying to touch the exact spot, slightly on the right side of his spine between his shoulder blades. It's a little hard to reach with his own hand but somehow, he manages and puts some pressure on it to soothe the pain. Damned, did he lie in such a bad position again last night, causing it to hurt? The pressure helps a bit, for now and the young man sighs, letting his face sink back into his pillow. He will just need another few minutes before he is ready to get up.
He hears the door of this room sliding open and footsteps approaching his bed. He's facing the wall so that he cannot see who entered, but he knows it's his girlfriend who probably got up already to get ready for their first day of the new semester at university.
In fact, Nino didn't want her to stay over, here at his parents' place, but somehow, she just didn't want to go home the previous day. Not, that anything happened between them except of watching TV together before going to sleep around half past 10.
The mattress behind him sinks in a bit when she sits down right behind him. He can feel her long hair brushing his arm that he was still bending in a bit weird angle to reach the hurting spot near his spine.
"Is it your back again?" his girlfriend asks in a low voice.
Nino doesn't say anything but just nods. A second later, he feels her warm, soft fingers sliding underneath his shirt, underneath his hand, sensing the said spot, pressing slightly against it. He cringes again, and she retreats.
"I'm sorry," she murmurs.
"Not your fault," Nino says, slowly shifting, trying to get up. It takes a bit of effort but soon he sits upright in his bed, rubbing the hurting spot a last time.
When he looks at his girlfriend, her beautiful lips curl up into a warm smile, caring, worried, like always. As expected, she is already dressed in a nice feminine but not too strict light blue blouse and ultramarine blue, skinny jeans and she even has put on a light make-up, underlining her natural beauty. Her dark hair frames her slim, beautiful face and her eyes look piercing, like always. She's stunning, and she gives off this grown-up feeling. People are surprised when they hear that she's only about 20 years old. Sometimes Nino wonders what she finds in him, a slender, not very tall, still much too boyish looking young man with a hurting back at his young age but she seems to love him, sincerely.
"You should go to a doctor, it's obvious that it won't go away by itself," the woman says, sneaking a little closer to her boyfriend, reaching for his hand to press it, comforting.
"I know," Nino answers with a sigh, wanting to finish the topic.
"Shall I accompany you to a doctor in the afternoon?" the girl offers but Nino shakes his head.
"No need to," he turns down her offer immediately.
His girlfriend pouts. "Promise me, you'll go! You're too nonchalant, maybe they can find out what’s wrong with it this time."
Nino sighs. "Keiko, please," he cuts her and she bits her lower lip, knowing her boyfriend's attitude already.
He doesn't really want to talk about it. He has seen doctors already, trying to find out what it is, but they didn't find out anything. He didn't have an accident in the past that could have triggered the chronical pain he was feeling in his back since he could remember, and it doesn't seem to be any disease either. Some doctors even told Nino that he must be imagining the pain, that it might be something psychological. One even suspected that he was just making up the story about his hurting back to get a sick certificate so that he could skip work. Needless to say that Nino didn't consult that doctor ever again. The pain is real, he's convinced about it. Even if it's a mystery. Maybe, it's just part of him and he has to accept that he'll have to live with it. Thankfully, it is bearable most of the time and usually, it doesn't hinder him too much in his daily life. But there are bad days too and some of them started exactly like this morning.
Nino hopes that it wouldn't become one of these bad days, since he cannot be distracted by back pain at all today. It's the first day of his second year in university and he's excited about it. He might sound like a nerd but he missed university life during holidays. He cannot wait to return to the campus, to sit in the lecture rooms and the grand lecture hall of his faculty. He wants to be back at the huge library or the bookshop near the campus again, discovering the countless treasures of literature that he wasn't able to read yet and to exchange opinions about his favourite works with his fellow students. Usually, Nino isn't a man of much words, but when it comes to his passion, he was able to talk for days.
Thinking about all the good things coming up helps to push away the thoughts about the pain and soon, Nino is standing in front of his wardrobe, wearing his glasses, and grabbing some clothes.
"Your mother made breakfast, I'll go ahead," Keiko finally says, huffily, because she knows that he won't listen to her anyway, getting up from the bed and exiting the room, leaving her boyfriend behind.
Nino sighs again - too often already, considering the early hour - now she's upset again, he thinks while putting on a grey long sleeved shirt and a black T-shirt over it, matching his dark hair. He brushes his fingers through his bed hair, trying to put it in place, before he gives up and goes to the toilet to fix the problem with a bit hair gel after brushing his teeth. His look falls onto Keiko's small, pink-blossomed toilet bag which sits at the outer side of the sink neatly and takes it into his hand for a second.
The thing with Nino and Keiko is that their relationship doesn't really go well. Things between them are strange somehow, or they have become strange after the first phase of being in love passed. They got to know each other at the entrance exams for Seijo University over a year ago, as they ended up sitting next to each other in the exam room. They were chatting a bit while waiting for the test to begin, trying to soothe their nervousness and said good bye to each other at the end of the exam, not knowing if they would see each other ever again. Nino thought that it was a miracle when they met again at the entrance ceremony to Seijo a few months after the exam and maybe back then, he thought that it was… fate. Not that he believed in something like fate but they exchanged numbers and even if they entered completely different faculties at university, soon after they started dating. It has never been too passionate between them though, and they thought that it's just normal, since they aren't teenagers any longer, eager to explore love. Both want to share an adult relationship but for some reason, something is missing and Nino is convinced that he is not the only one knowing that. Nino cannot say, that he is happy in this relationship. Maybe, he doesn't love her enough.
Nevertheless, he cannot really grasp what exactly it is but somehow he knows that this woman isn't the person he wants to share his future life with. Maybe, they aren't compatible enough, and in fact, they don't have much common interests. Hell, they don't even really have much sex and the few times they did it, it was definitely not mind blowing, probably for both of them.
Why they are still together then? Keiko loves him and maybe, Nino is lonely. He tried to break up with her once, knowing that the wish of not being alone isn't sufficient enough for a love relationship, but she is so damned persistent, lulling the young man in again and again, avoiding the topic of breaking up so skilfully that somehow it isn't really a topic any longer at all. Maybe, Nino is just too much of a coward to pick up the topic again, he doesn't deny it, and that's why he postpones the unavoidable again and again.
"Didn't you sleep well, Kazu?" his mother asks as soon as he shows up in the dining room, taking his usual seat to her right. "You look pale."
"It's nothing," her son answers, brushing away her hand when the woman reaches to touch his face.
"Your back?" she frowns, worried. "You really should go to a doctor again, Dear."
"There is no need to worry, Mom, I'm doing fine," Nino replies, focusing on the bowl of rice in front of him.
"You shouldn't talk so lightly about this topic," his mother scolds him. "Keiko-chan is truly worried about you too, right, Keiko-chan?"
Nino rolls his eyes and darts them to his girlfriend who is sitting next to him, sipping from her coffee, averting her eyes, obviously ignoring her boyfriend. She must have told his mother about his pain. Again.
The thing with Nino's parents and Keiko is that they simply love her. Well, Nino can't really blame them. In fact, Keiko is an almost flawless person. She's a wonderful guest, polite, considerate, smart and it is easy to hold conversations with her about everything and anything. She is smiling all the time, even when she is having one of these small fights with her boyfriend, behind his parents' back. When she comes over to pay a visit, she helps Nino's mother in the kitchen. She's the perfect daughter-in-law, no doubt. Things could be so perfect. Could. If they would feel right.
- + -
After eating breakfast more or less in silence, Nino and Keiko get ready to leave the Ninomiya's house. Of course, the girl helped Nino's mother in the kitchen, as always, to dry the dishes the woman washed. Sometimes, the young man wonders if Keiko really likes doing household chores as she likes making his mother believe with her sweet words, or if she will throw the towel in an instant once she lives together with him and there is no potential mother-in-law around to please. Nino feels a bit guilty for having such thoughts about his own girlfriend, but he isn't really surprised about his doubts. In fact, they know little about each other for some reason and to be honest, he doesn't really care.
They walk next to each other to the station, without exchanging a single word, and take the next train that brings them a few stations further into the city. Then they walk together to the campus, still in silence but Nino doesn't mind. He's busy with examining his surroundings, spotting a few friends and acquaintances from last year, thinking about the first lesson of his new schedule. He looks at his watch, realizing that it was pretty much time already. Professor Sakamoto will surely start on time, and he should hurry in order not to be late for the first lesson.
When Nino wants to approach the second building on the left - literature faculty - Keiko holds him back, reaching out to grab his shirt's sleeve to make him look at her.
"You're not even going to wish me a nice day?" she asks, looking at him.
"Sorry, I was deep in thoughts," the young man murmurs, scratching his neck. "Have a nice day."
The girl sighs deeply, letting go the fabric between her fingers. She gives him a slightly desperate look and finally asks. "What did I do to you again to punish me with this deadly silence, Nino?"
"Eh?" Nino thinks about Keiko's words, wondering if she's right. Is he in a bad mood because of her? Maybe. But maybe he is just in a bad mood in general. "I'm not punishing you, I just don't feel like talking, I'm sorry," he tries to find an excuse.
"You aren't mad at me?" Keiko gives him her cutest look. "Because I mentioned the doctors again? I know you don't want to go see them..."
Nino drops his look, examining his lousily tied shoelaces. "If you know it, why do you bring up the topic again?" he murmurs.
The young woman steps forward, grabbing her boyfriend's arm. "I'm worried about you."
"And I told you so many times, you don't need to," Nino says.
His eyes glances at the face of his watch again. Damned, Professor Sakamoto's lecture must be starting soon and indeed, in the corner of his eye the young man spots a known fellow student that he is sure to meet at the lecture, rushing into the building. A bit unnerved, he focuses onto his girlfriend again, trying to finish the topic.
"Just stay out of my business, OK?"
OK, maybe those were the wrong words, he thinks, judging from the stunned look on Keiko's face. It seems that she is searching for an answer, when she finally throws at him, "You're a stubborn mule, you know that?!"
That's enough for the young man and he finally snaps. "What do you know about me?!"
"I'm your girlfriend!" Keiko points out loudly. "I am supposed to know you but you refuse to talk to me or let me into your heart."
Dumbfounded, Nino just stares at her for a moment. Then he brushes his hand over his face, trying to sort his words, without success. "I... I don't know what to reply to this."
"Fine. You know what? I'll get you to open up and if it's the last what I'm doing," Keiko says in an aggressive tone and somehow it sounds more like a threat than a romantic promise between lovers, what it should be in some cheesy movie. "And about your back," she adds. "If you wish, go on and suffer. It's your back, I get that. If you don't want my help with this, I won't push you anymore."
"Thanks, that's all I want," the young man says, rolling his eyes.
Keiko looks at him with a pissed off face and hisses. "You can be such an asshole, Nino."
He knows. He's a lousy boyfriend and for a moment, he even wishes, she will just break up with him on the spot instead of forcing another fight on him. He hates fighting. Nevertheless, the atmosphere between them is so poisoned most of the time, it's disgusting. Sometimes, Nino wonders if relationships are always supposed to be like this. He sees his parents pickering, fighting, on a daily basis since he can remember. They don't even fight over big things and their fights usually don't escalate but they linger in the air. And with him and Keiko, it is pretty much the same. Nino seriously wonders if he really wants that. If he really wants to have a relationship at all if it means that his life will be like this from now on.
When he doesn't answer, Keiko just sighs and with a murmured "See you later at lunch," turns to walk away, approaching her own faculty on the campus. Nino looks at her, seeing her long dark hair swaying in the light spring breeze.
He sighs too - again - knowing that he messed up - again - but he cannot bring himself to give in to her demands and he doesn’t want to lie to her just to soothe her mood. He has to admit that she's right, he doesn't let her in his heart. Not too far at least. He knows that he has troubles trusting people and opening his heart to them. He doesn't have much experience with love. He doesn't have many friends, no close ones, at least. It always has been like this and he doesn't even really know why and where it comes from. Maybe, he's just scared. Scared to get hurt, scared to get betrayed. Yes, he is a coward and he hates himself the most for it.
Nino curses when he looks at his watch a last time. He'll be late. Damned.
He turns around, rushing into the building and passing the hallway with quick steps, approaching the lecture room for Professor Sakamoto's course. Nino has been looking forward to this course since it was announced at the end of the last semester and he was one of the first people to enrol in it. Murakami Haruki was one of his most favourite authors and Professor Sakamoto was a great lecturer. His talent and the topic of the course combined could just be interesting.
Feeling embarrassed, Nino pushes open the huge door to the lecture room, spotting all the other students already sitting throughout the room and of course, Sakamoto has already started. When Nino realises that he hasn’t missed anything essential yet, he's relieved. However, when the professor spots him and calls him by his name, he freezes and quickly bows to apologize for being late before hurrying to a seat in one of the rows in the front of the room.
"Ah, right, Ninomiya," the professor calls him again before Nino finally can focus on unpacking his stuff to prepare for taking notes. He quickly stands up again, looking at the professor with expectation, who then gestures to a young man standing near to him. "This is Sakurai Sho, my new assistant professor."
The professor quickly introduces the two men to each other, of course not missing to point out that Nino is one of the winners of a recent writing competition here at Seijo. Not that it has been something mentionable, just a small university internal contest but Sakamoto has praised Nino for his entry a couple of times already, obviously proud of his student.
"Oh, Congratulations!" the guy, Sakurai, says, though most likely, he has never read Nino's story and never will, the young man thinks.
"Please don't mention it," Nino mumbles, more directed to the professor than to his new assistant.
When he feels like the young man is still staring at him, he looks up again, his eyes meeting Sakurai's and suddenly, his heart unexpectedly skips a beat when the other's straight-forward look seem to be piercing his heart. It's like the guy's eyes are looking directly into his heart, his soul. For some reason, Nino feels like that man recognizes him and he quickly tries to remember, if they have actually ever met before. But he cannot recall this face at all. Giving up, thinking that he may have mistaken, Nino finally nods to greet the other and then averts his eyes, trying to distract his mind from that person and concentrate on the lecture. He is here to learn something, after all.
The young man tries to concentrate onto Professor Sakamoto's lecture, taking notes as much as he can to make sure that he does not miss any details. The fact that the new assistant professor seems to be throwing looks at him occasionally, puzzles him at first. He doesn't understand what is going on. Why is that guy still staring at him so intensely? And why does it make Nino so nervous suddenly? Despite the strange feeling, the young man, for a few moments, isn't able to turn away from those eyes. However, in the end, Nino manages to ignore the stares somehow. For now.
- + -
"Nino, I'm so sorry for our fight in the morning," is the first thing Keiko says when she shows up in the canteen, settling down in the seat opposite of Nino at the small table for two people. She looks worried, and sorry. "You know that I love you, right?"
The young man declined to join some of his fellow students for lunch, since he has the feeling that he should have a proper talk with his girlfriend but somehow, this isn't exactly the direction he is aiming for.
"Keiko...," he murmurs, searching for the right words but she cuts him quickly before he can even come up with a proper sentence.
"I know, you need your space and that it's not my right to tell you how to live your life," the woman continues. "I just want you to know that I'm worried about you. Because I love you."
"Thank you," is everything, Nino can finally come up with, defeated by the woman's words, like so often.
She doesn't even seem to mind that he doesn't give back the words of love.