je_united gift fic for llamacow
Lovely fic for llamacow
Title: A Worrier is Going to Worry
Pairing: Tamamori/Miyata
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mild angst moments and sex of course.
Summary: As the new year grows near, Miyata and Tamamori are faced with the realization that all those years of pretending to be together and love one another, may not have been so pretend.
Notes: For Llamacow, I hope you like this! I hope that your new year is so far going well and that this fic makes you smile :)
Tamamori collapsed against Miyata’s too warm body. He was exhausted, they all were. They had been rehearsing their new dance moves for their latest single all day and they had barely gotten any breaks. Their entire unit was covered in sweat. Kitayama was practically passed out on the floor, gently snoring as he gave in to his body’s demands. The only one who seemed fairly unscathed was a very sweaty Senga, who was grinning from ear to ear. He had gotten to help choreograph this one and was extremely proud, while Nikaido glared at him and brattily complained that it was too complicated. Fujigaya and Yokoo were sitting on the couch in their dressing room with their almost empty waters, both kept tired eyes on Senga and Nikaido squabbling, but neither moved to stop them.
It was one of their normal practice days, but Tamamori enjoyed the moments where he could feel Miyata’s warmth. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but slowly he had started to feel things that he used to only pretend. Miyata’s warm body felt great against him and his aching muscles appreciated the relaxing feeling. Miyata indulged him. There weren’t any cameras to capture the moment, which was rare, but still Miyata held him close. Maybe it was habit at this point, but Tamamori didn’t care.
Miyata for his part took what he could get, Tamamori’s sweaty body close to his felt amazing and he was willing to stay as long as he could. He knew it was probably just habit, or a sense of comradery that was keeping them together at the moment, but he felt like he didn’t care. He was happy to spend the time with the person he cared about most. He had said it in countless interviews, even sang a song about it, but he couldn’t confess for real.
The choreographer had dismissed them finally, seeing that they were no longer going to be capable of going on more. They all sighed in relief, finally allowed to let loose the tension of the day. One by one they all got up and headed to the showers, until the two that remained were Tamamori and Miyata. They were both silent, they had shared a shower before for filming purposes, but this wasn’t being filmed. Finally Tamamori went first, leaving Miyata in the room alone.
Being in love was hard, Miyata decided while walking the last stretch back to his apartment. It was even worse when the person you loved the most was your best friend. He felt the tears well up in the corners of his eyes, he felt the weight of what his feelings could cause. Miyata shook his head, hoping to shoo away his thoughts until he got home. It wouldn’t do for an idol to cry randomly in public. With determination he focused his mind on other things, like the latest episode of One Piece or what he needed to set his DVR to record for the next week.
Once he finally arrived at his apartment he sighed, it was a mess, and he needed to clean, but at least he was alone. Focusing on anything but his feelings, Miyata set about making his apartment presentable. He was exhausted, but knew that sleep would not come easily. He did what he could until his body finally gave up in protest. He had a busy work day starting in the morning and so he forced himself through his nightly routine. He fell onto his bed and had a seemingly dreamless sleep.
During a break the next day Kitayama had come to pull him aside. Miyata was expecting to be told he was doing something wrong, but instead he was invited to dinner later that night. Slightly relieved, Miyata agreed. He was about to ask who else was going, but Kitayama beat him to the punch, telling him that it had been a long time since they were out together, just the two of them. Kitayama inviting him out to dinner wasn’t that unusual, though asking only him was.
They entered the small private room as waitresses brought them their food and a pitcher of beer. They talked idly about work and their personal lives for a while, until Miyata was downing his fourth beer and suddenly he couldn’t stop talking. The grin on Kitayama face let on that this was what he wanted.
Kitayama was the only one within the group who actually knew for sure how Miyata felt. It had been a drunken confession from a rare night where they both just happened to be out late and met at a restaurant on a day off. Kitayama had grinned and claimed he knew all along, and though he wanted to do something, Miyata had called him in a panic the next morning and begged him to keep quiet about it. Since that day Kitayama had spent more attention on Miyata's interactions with Tamamori. Little things that could be perceived as a hint of mutual attraction delighted him. Miyata brushed off each attempt Kitayama made to get him to confess. He didn't tell him why, but Kitayama was sure he could get it out of him.
Kitayama filled his glass again, the pitcher was almost empty and Miyata had drank most of it., being too polite to not down the glass that was poured for him. Miyata sighed and tears began to form in the corner of his eyes. “I could destroy everything. I broke the rules and fell in love for real, and Tama-chan is going to hate me for it.” He sounded completely miserable and Kitayama both wanted to reassure him, and punch him.
It wasn’t like he didn’t know that Miyata’s self esteem wasn’t as high as it should be. Though he was a member of a very popular idol group, Miyata seemed to lack any true faith in himself, choosing to pass off his feelings in a joking manner. “I don’t think Tama-chan could ever really hate you.” Kitayama watched as Miyata sniffled and took another big gulp of his drink.
“You don’t know that. I mean, I should just be happy with how things are. I know I’m special to him, and I’m allowed to be close to him. I shouldn’t want anything more.” Kitayama chewed on the inside of his cheek. Nothing he was going to say was going to change Miyata’s belief on the subject, but he felt like he needed to still say it, if only so that he could say that he did.
“I do know Tama-chan won’t hate you for something you couldn’t control. And if he knew how much pain you were in, he’d probably feel awful.” Kitayama winced at his own words, realizing too late how Miyata could twist them.
“But I don’t want to cause him pain! I don’t want things to be awkward. Tama-chan’s too nice to me as is. If I tell him he’ll say something just to make me happy, but then he won’t be happy.” Miyata had started to cry and Kitayama decided that enough was enough. He started to change the subject to anime, knowing that Miyata would cheer up and return to closer to normal with this topic. Kitayama now knew what Miyata thought and he couldn’t help feeling sad for his band mate. He was so in love and so scared that he was pushing aside his own feelings and torturing himself.
“Let's play a game, I win you do whatever I say, you win I’ll do whatever you say.” Kitayama pulled a pack of cards out of his bag and began dealing between the two of the. “We’ll play War, ok?”
Miyata nodded, too drunk to really question anything, though he did look suspicious. A waitress arrived with more food and a pitcher of water and quickly left the room, a huge smile on her face once she saw their faces. Kitayama ignored her and kicked Miyata when he seemed a bit too interested in her giggling. They began their game, with Kitayama winning two out of three games.
“Ok, what do you want me to do?” Miyata slurred his words slightly, but seemed satisfied with himself.
Kitayama downed his drink before staring Miyata in the eyes, “On New Year's Eve, tell Tama how you feel about him.” He waited for the freak out, for the scream of horror. Neither came, Miyata just blinked at him and stared at the wood table.
Just when Kitayama began to wonder if he overdid the alcohol Miyata nodded his head, “Ok, I’ll do it. At the very least, maybe I’ll be able to move on.” The pessimistic response bothered Kitayama, but he nodded his agreement anyway. Filling his glass again, he downed his fourth of the night and let out a loud sigh.
“Good, now let's finish up this food, I’m fucking tired!” He yawned for emphasis and Miyata smiled at him, showing a little bit of happiness. They finished eating and Kitayama paid the bill. Miyata thanked him, then wandered back home to his apartment.
“New Year’s eve, huh?” Miyata sighed and decided to overanalyze and freak out about what he was going to say and do later. For now, he just needed to get home so he could pass out.
It wasn’t until he was already sweating from dance practice that Miyata’s brain finally started to freak out. He got yelled at a bunch of times because he kept messing up the steps, his mind focused on just how much trouble he was in. Tamamori looked over at him with worry written all over his face and suddenly Miyata felt even worse. Not only was he going to destroy their friendship in a few days, but he was making more work for his group members. After a quick water break, Miyata resolved to focus on what he was doing.
When they broke for lunch, Tamamori was at his side. “Are you not feeling ok?” He barely spoke above a whisper, but Miyata heard it loud and clear.
“I’m fine, just didn’t get a great sleep last night.” In truth he couldn’t really remember going to sleep, and he had woken up with only a minor headache thanks to the water that Kitayama had forced him to drink. The fact that Tamamori was worried, that he cared, made Miyata’s heart swell up. For a moment he felt like maybe things would be ok if he did confess.
He made sure not to mess up more than usual for the rest of practice, he had gotten his dosage of happiness. Once they were done, he found Tamamori cuddled against him again and he let himself feel the warmth that was probably his favorite thing.
Fujigaya watched them with a shake of his head, Kitayama caught on to the motion and furrowed his eyebrows together. Fujigaya got up to get to the dressing room first, and KItayama made sure to follow him. It was just the two of them, so Fujigaya raised an eyebrow. Kitayama stared at him for a moment longer before finally deciding to let it out. “What do you know about how Tama-chan feels for Miyata and how do you know it?”
The question caught Fujigaya off guard and he tried to act like he had no idea what Kitayama was getting at, but he had been caught. Fujigaya glared at Kitayama for a moment before he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “Tama-chan likes Miyata, more than he thinks Miyata likes him. And in a different way. I accidently overheard him talking to himself a while back about it, and since then he seems to come to me when he needs to talk about it...why?”
Kitayama couldn’t contain his grin, “Miyata likes him back, and thanks to me, is going to confess on New Year’s eve.” Fujigaya smiled and seemed happy about this news, but then he looked slightly frustrated.
“This means those two are going to be even worse now.” Fujigaya groaned, but he seemed genuinely happy. With nothing more to add, they went about showering and getting on their street clothes for the night. Kitayama debated telling Miyata, but decided against it and figured he would just wait. New Year’s Eve was only two days away, it would come out soon enough.
Miyata was panicking. He had spent the last two days in agony. Somehow he had managed to act rather normal around Tamamori and keep his work persona fully active, but once he was home in the safety of his home, he couldn’t help but worry about how much was at stake. He knew that in a way he was overreacting, but he couldn’t help but fear the worse. Shaking his head, he tried again to imagine just what he would say.
The biggest challenge was that he wasn’t sure what Tamamori would say, or how he would respond. He had decided he would pull Tamamori to the side before they really got started, so that should he be rejected he could throw himself into work. No matter how many times he imagined his confession, he could never see Tamamori really being happy or feeling the same way. It was heartbreaking, and in a way he found he was happy that after today it would be all over.
With one more look in the mirror, he headed out the door. He had been up since dawn and he knew he was going to need a nap at some point during the day, but right now he couldn’t sleep. He wouldn’t be able to have a peaceful rest until he had gotten it all over with. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest the closer he got to the studio. It was almost time for countdown practice for Kisumai, and there would be hundreds of people in only a few hours arriving to practice. Followed by several thousand for the performance. He could feel a slight adrenaline rush as the excitement of the night set in a bit.
Miyata’s heart threatened to burst out of his chest when he saw Tamamori for the first time that day. Though Miyata had arrived super early, Tamamori was just on time. Miyata knew he needed to act fast, before everyone's excitement took the opportunity away. He stuttered and probably looked ridiculous when he asked Tamamori if they could talk in private. Kitayama and Fujigaya both watched in interest, though they were pretending to focus on other things, like their cell phones, or reflection. Miyata couldn’t deal with them though, he just needed to do it.
Tamamori had agreed easily, relaxed and a little excited for the night. Miyata panicked some more as they walked into the currently empty refreshment room. There were no staff at the moment, just the two of them. Tamamori leaned against one of the tables and motioned for Miyata to talk. He waited patiently, but noticed how insanely nervous Miyata was. It made him anxious and he began to wonder what exactly could be wrong.
Just when Tamamori’s own panic was reaching its peak Miyata finally spoke. “I like you, not just as a friend, as more than that.” He was looking at his shoes, and his voice had started to break. He willed himself not to cry, he wasn’t going to guilt Tamamori into saying something he didn’t mean.Tamamori for his part was silent. So silent that Miyata began to ramble. “I don’t expect anything, I know you probably have no interest in me. Really I’m happy just being near you and being in your life, and I don’t want our friendship to be ruined or anything and-”
Miyata was interrupted by soft lips on his own. At first he wasn’t sure what was going on, just felt the tears still slowly falling down his cheeks. He couldn’t stop them. Tamamori couldn’t take it anymore. He was so much better at doing than at explaining himself. It was clear that Miyata wasn’t going to listen to what he had to say either. The kiss was more intense than he had thought it would be. It was something he had fantasized about for at least a year, but he still couldn’t describe it. Though it wasn’t like fireworks happening in his body, he still felt a spark all the way down his spin as he pulled Miyata closer to himself.
A loud cough caused them both to spring apart, Miyata looking completely stunned, and Tamamori turning as red as a tomato. Kitayama and Fujigaya both gave them an amused smile. “As pleased as we are that this is resolved, it’s time for practice. You can make out later, preferably when you're not at work.” Kitayama’s grin was infectious and shortly after the two older group mates left, Tamamori and Miyata were both laughing hysterically.
Once they both calmed down, Miyata looked nervous again. “Really? Are you sure? I’m really ok?”
The concern made Tamamori smile softly, he realized all at once that all the insecurities he had been having were just as bad if not worse for Miyata. He walked over and gave him a light peck on the lips before entwining their fingers together. “If you think I’m ok too…”
Miyata looked aghast at even the thought that Tamamori was insecure about HIM liking him back. Despite both of them blushing profusely they both laughed. They would have to work on their insecurities together. Tamamori suddenly started to feel a little self conscious and pulled Miyata out of the room and back to their prep room, still holding hands.
The rest of the day was a complete blur, they had rehearsals and people excitedly talking to them the entire day. Miyata barely had time to process just how happy he really was. He still couldn’t really believe that Tamamori liked him back, but every time he began to worry he would catch Tamamori’s eye and the other would give him a shy smile and blush. The whole day felt like some sort of magic.
Once they were done with work it was early on the first and Miyata didn’t feel tired at all, while most around him groaned and pushed themselves to get dressed to go home. Tamamori seemed to be on the same page and once they were both dressed he snuggled up close to Miyata’s side and smiled at him. “Hey, take me to your place?” A tingle went down down his spine at those words and Miyata couldn’t agree fast enough. He wasn’t really sure what was going to happen. Sure, his mind was running dirty laps around his head, but he also felt like no matter what, more time with Tamamori was enough.
The ride back to his apartment seemed to take forever, with them holding hands. No one was awake for this last train so they both felt safe holding one another. The feel of Tamamori’s hand in his made Miyata feel like he was on top of the world. He didn’t care if they never did anything else, just so long as Tamamori was there.
For his side, Tamamori was impatient. He couldn’t wait to get to Miyata’s apartment. A part of him felt nervous, but mostly he just wanted to be close to him. He had been over to Miyata’s apartment hundreds of times, but this time was considerably different. The excitement made his mind race and he debated what exactly to do. He didn’t know how far they were going to get, but he knew that he wanted to experience those lips against his again.
The closer they got to the apartment the more nervous they both seemed to get. Miyata fidgeted and nearly dropped his keys while trying to unlock the door.Tamamori stayed quiet as the lights were turned on. The apartment was cleaner than normal, which meant Miyata had been worrying a lot lately. Tamamori felt himself smile at the depth of Miyata’s caring. Suddenly he felt less nervous and just as he was being asked if he wanted anything to drink or eat, Tamamori yanked Miyata into a kiss.
All thoughts of being a good host were gone as Miyata felt warmth flush through his entire body. He could feel Tamamori pressing his body closer to him, and he felt the heat of their bodies where they were connected. MIyata was the first to deepen the kiss, his tongue sliding cautiously against Tamamori’s lower lip. Tamamori opened his mouth immediately. Their tongues danced together for a few moments. Tamamori felt dizzy. He wasn’t taking in nearly enough oxygen but he needed to more. MIyata kept pushing closer, their teeth clashing awkwardly. It wasn’t enough. Finally the need to breathe won and they pulled apart. Miyata’s hand was still on his cheek, the heat threatening to burn him, but Tamamori didn’t really care. He just knew he had waited long enough.
Pulling Miyata along to his bedroom, he didn’t need to look where he was going, he’d stayed over more than often enough. They crashed on top of Miyata’s bed, Tamamori more than happy to have Miyata’s weight against him. Miyata’s mouth covered his again and he lost himself in the kiss. He could feel Miyata’s teasing fingers playing with his sides. The soft touches through his clothes drove him crazy. A lot less patient and uncertain, Tamamori let his own fingers roam, dancing across Miyata’s strong back and reaching down to squeeze Miyata’s ass. Feeling the soft flesh beneath the clothes Tamamori thought, not for the first time, that Miyata’s body was seriously underrated. Miyata moaned needily and for a moment Tamamori wondered which of them would lead this. He had always imagined that Miyata would take care of him, but the thought of switching had its appeals as well.
Pushing those thoughts to the side, Tamamori tugged at Miyata’s T-shirt, wanting the clothing gone. Miyata pulled away and removed it, while Tamamori got rid of his own shirt. They both looked at each other for a moment before their lips found one another again. Their skin slid against each other, the softness addictive. Miyata felt like he was in heaven, grinding down against Tamamori, the friction felt amazing on his hard erection and he could tell that Tamamori was hard as well. Long fingers traced his back muscles and Miyata felt like he was on fire. He couldn’t get enough.
Needing to pull back for air again, Miyata kissed a trail down Tamamori’s jaw line and down his neck. Tamamori moaned, and moved his neck to give Miyata room to do more. At the very base of his collarbone, Miyata gave a small bite. Tamamori’s hips bucked up in reaction, grinding them together and causing them both to moan. “Come on, pants off!”
Miyata was too wired to make a joke, which Tamamori was grateful for. They both threw their pants off to the side, leaving them both with just their boxers on. Sitting back on his knees Miyata took in the sight before him, Tamamori’s chest was flushed and his cheeks matched, his lips were slightly puffy from their make-out session. They were too irresistible and soon their lips were connected again. With only their boxers separating them they both felt incredible. Their moans filled the room as they continued to move.
Miyata pulled away first and moved himself down Tamamori’s body, leaving a trail of kisses. He stopped once he reached the waistband and gave a few long kisses before looking up to make sure he could go farther. Tamamori didn’t even blink, just looked at him with wide eyes. Not being told to stop, Miyata mouthed Tamamori through the fabric, his hands coming to grasp his length and give a few tugs. Tamamori let out a sharp exhale of breath, but continued to watch with rapt attention. Miyata felt funny, being the one who was watched. Enjoying the attention though, Miyata pulled Tamamori’s boxers off of him, his cock standing at attention. With a deep breath Miyata went to work sucking the tip into his mouth. His tongue circled around the tip, earning a loud groan. Encouraged by Tamamori’s response and the fact that he was still being watched, Miyata slowly took more of Tamamori into his mouth. His movements slowly gained speed, taking more in each time. Miyata looked up to see Tamamori struggling to keeps his eyes open, determined to watch. They locked eyes before Miyata took it all in his mouth. He nearly choked, but Tamamori closed his eyes, unable to handle the feeling. He flopped down as Miyata pulled back, letting his tongue drag against the underside vein. It felt way too good, and Tamamori wasn’t sure he was going to last much longer.
“Getting close,” his voice sounded raspy to his own ears, but Miyata pulled off with a pop. His fist continued to move slowly, not enough to get him off, but enough to still give him a slow building pleasure. Tamamori pulled him into a kiss, only belatedly realizing what Miyata’s mouth had just been doing, but then he decided he didn’t care. He stilled Miyata’s hand on him and, still kissing him, pulled Miyata’s boxers down. They joined his somewhere on the floor and Tamamori pulled away. “My turn.”
Miyata was on his knees as Tamamori crawled over to return the favor. Miyata looked down as he saw Tamamori’s mouth take him in. The angle was awkward but it felt amazing. He let Tamamori explore with his tongue and let himself get close to the edge before pushing Tamamori away. “Can’t take anymore.”
They both looked at one another, not sure what was next for them. “Do you have any lube?” Tamamori turned completely red once the question was out, but he didn’t regret it. Miyata stared at him for a few moments, before he was suddenly struck by a thought. Leaving Tamamori on the bed, Miyata ran over to his dresser and pulled out a large tube.
“Kitayama gave this to me after he made me promise I would confess.” Miyata couldn’t look Tamamori in the eye, but he couldn’t really feel too embarrassed as his hormones coursed through him, spurring him back to the bed. Tamamori and he looked at one another, neither were sure who was going to do what. Finally, Tamamori pulled him into another kiss and pulled Miyata’s hand back to his cock, while his other hand led Miyata’s hand with the lube towards his bottom.
Getting the message, Miyata pulled away and positioned himself so he could see what he was doing. He opened the bottle of lube and squirted some onto his fingers. Carefully he traced the outside of Tamamori’s hole, the cold lube causing Tamamori to gasp. Miyata used his free hand to jerk Tamamori off while he very carefully inserted the tip of his finger inside. He made sure to go slow, letting a little bit more of his finger go in each time. Once one finger was inside he stopped and looked at Tamamori for a sign of what to do.
“Feels fine, keep going.” Tamamori couldn’t watch, he was beet red and he was starting to feel overheated. It didn’t hurt so far, just felt interesting. It wasn’t a feeling he could describe. Miyata added some more lube as he added a finger, it was a little uncomfortable, but nothing painful. With care Miyata slowly stretched his fingers, scissoring them until he was sure Tamamori could handle a third finger. It was a lot more difficult to get the third finger in, but Miyata was patient, far more so than Tamamori.
For his part Tamamori was both nervous and excited. Miyata was taking care of him so well, and he felt grateful, however he also felt like it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t fast enough. After a good few minutes of Miyata pushing in three fingers, Tamamori had had enough. Gently he pushed Miyata away. Worried, Miyata pulled his fingers free and was about to start apologizing. With a kiss, Tamamori silenced him and led him to lay down on his back. Miyata raised an eyebrow, but wasn’t about to complain. Tamamori straddled him and making sure Miyata was watching, poured some lube onto Miyata’s cock. Keeping eye contact the entire time, he slowly sank all the way down to the base. It was a lot bigger than his fingers, but Tamamori still felt ok. With a slow pace at first he began to move. It felt amazing, and Miyata struggled to watch as Tamamori began to increase his pace. They had been dancing for hours last night, but still Tamamori’s thighs worked hard as he moved himself. Miyata did his best to meet each thrust, feeling euphoric.
It wasn’t long before Miyata began to feel the pull of his orgasm and he quickly grabbed Tamamori’s cock to help get him off. Tamamori shooed him away and began to jerk himself off. His pace had gotten even faster, and he clamped his muscles down. It was all too much, “Yuta I’m-”
“Me too,” barely getting the words out, Tamamori came across Miyata’s chest groaning loudly. Miyata wasn’t far behind forcing his hips up into Tamamori quickly until he finally exploded. Completely exhausted, Tamamori leaned back. They were both a complete mess, but extremely happy. With a hiss he dismounted Miyata and tried to catch his breath.
“Shower,” Miyata nudged Tamamori a few times before he finally agreed to move. They were both completely spent, the last two days finally catching up with the both of them. A quick shower and the two were fast asleep, they had thrown the soiled comforter on the floor and curled up next to each other in bed, cuddled under the sheets.
The next morning, neither wanted to wake up. With the sunlight shining brightly into the room, Tamamori and Miyata remained entangled together, dead to the world. The room was a complete disarray, but the smiles on both of their faces said it was totally and completely worth it.
Title: A Worrier is Going to Worry
Pairing: Tamamori/Miyata
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mild angst moments and sex of course.
Summary: As the new year grows near, Miyata and Tamamori are faced with the realization that all those years of pretending to be together and love one another, may not have been so pretend.
Notes: For Llamacow, I hope you like this! I hope that your new year is so far going well and that this fic makes you smile :)
Tamamori collapsed against Miyata’s too warm body. He was exhausted, they all were. They had been rehearsing their new dance moves for their latest single all day and they had barely gotten any breaks. Their entire unit was covered in sweat. Kitayama was practically passed out on the floor, gently snoring as he gave in to his body’s demands. The only one who seemed fairly unscathed was a very sweaty Senga, who was grinning from ear to ear. He had gotten to help choreograph this one and was extremely proud, while Nikaido glared at him and brattily complained that it was too complicated. Fujigaya and Yokoo were sitting on the couch in their dressing room with their almost empty waters, both kept tired eyes on Senga and Nikaido squabbling, but neither moved to stop them.
It was one of their normal practice days, but Tamamori enjoyed the moments where he could feel Miyata’s warmth. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but slowly he had started to feel things that he used to only pretend. Miyata’s warm body felt great against him and his aching muscles appreciated the relaxing feeling. Miyata indulged him. There weren’t any cameras to capture the moment, which was rare, but still Miyata held him close. Maybe it was habit at this point, but Tamamori didn’t care.
Miyata for his part took what he could get, Tamamori’s sweaty body close to his felt amazing and he was willing to stay as long as he could. He knew it was probably just habit, or a sense of comradery that was keeping them together at the moment, but he felt like he didn’t care. He was happy to spend the time with the person he cared about most. He had said it in countless interviews, even sang a song about it, but he couldn’t confess for real.
The choreographer had dismissed them finally, seeing that they were no longer going to be capable of going on more. They all sighed in relief, finally allowed to let loose the tension of the day. One by one they all got up and headed to the showers, until the two that remained were Tamamori and Miyata. They were both silent, they had shared a shower before for filming purposes, but this wasn’t being filmed. Finally Tamamori went first, leaving Miyata in the room alone.
Being in love was hard, Miyata decided while walking the last stretch back to his apartment. It was even worse when the person you loved the most was your best friend. He felt the tears well up in the corners of his eyes, he felt the weight of what his feelings could cause. Miyata shook his head, hoping to shoo away his thoughts until he got home. It wouldn’t do for an idol to cry randomly in public. With determination he focused his mind on other things, like the latest episode of One Piece or what he needed to set his DVR to record for the next week.
Once he finally arrived at his apartment he sighed, it was a mess, and he needed to clean, but at least he was alone. Focusing on anything but his feelings, Miyata set about making his apartment presentable. He was exhausted, but knew that sleep would not come easily. He did what he could until his body finally gave up in protest. He had a busy work day starting in the morning and so he forced himself through his nightly routine. He fell onto his bed and had a seemingly dreamless sleep.
During a break the next day Kitayama had come to pull him aside. Miyata was expecting to be told he was doing something wrong, but instead he was invited to dinner later that night. Slightly relieved, Miyata agreed. He was about to ask who else was going, but Kitayama beat him to the punch, telling him that it had been a long time since they were out together, just the two of them. Kitayama inviting him out to dinner wasn’t that unusual, though asking only him was.
They entered the small private room as waitresses brought them their food and a pitcher of beer. They talked idly about work and their personal lives for a while, until Miyata was downing his fourth beer and suddenly he couldn’t stop talking. The grin on Kitayama face let on that this was what he wanted.
Kitayama was the only one within the group who actually knew for sure how Miyata felt. It had been a drunken confession from a rare night where they both just happened to be out late and met at a restaurant on a day off. Kitayama had grinned and claimed he knew all along, and though he wanted to do something, Miyata had called him in a panic the next morning and begged him to keep quiet about it. Since that day Kitayama had spent more attention on Miyata's interactions with Tamamori. Little things that could be perceived as a hint of mutual attraction delighted him. Miyata brushed off each attempt Kitayama made to get him to confess. He didn't tell him why, but Kitayama was sure he could get it out of him.
Kitayama filled his glass again, the pitcher was almost empty and Miyata had drank most of it., being too polite to not down the glass that was poured for him. Miyata sighed and tears began to form in the corner of his eyes. “I could destroy everything. I broke the rules and fell in love for real, and Tama-chan is going to hate me for it.” He sounded completely miserable and Kitayama both wanted to reassure him, and punch him.
It wasn’t like he didn’t know that Miyata’s self esteem wasn’t as high as it should be. Though he was a member of a very popular idol group, Miyata seemed to lack any true faith in himself, choosing to pass off his feelings in a joking manner. “I don’t think Tama-chan could ever really hate you.” Kitayama watched as Miyata sniffled and took another big gulp of his drink.
“You don’t know that. I mean, I should just be happy with how things are. I know I’m special to him, and I’m allowed to be close to him. I shouldn’t want anything more.” Kitayama chewed on the inside of his cheek. Nothing he was going to say was going to change Miyata’s belief on the subject, but he felt like he needed to still say it, if only so that he could say that he did.
“I do know Tama-chan won’t hate you for something you couldn’t control. And if he knew how much pain you were in, he’d probably feel awful.” Kitayama winced at his own words, realizing too late how Miyata could twist them.
“But I don’t want to cause him pain! I don’t want things to be awkward. Tama-chan’s too nice to me as is. If I tell him he’ll say something just to make me happy, but then he won’t be happy.” Miyata had started to cry and Kitayama decided that enough was enough. He started to change the subject to anime, knowing that Miyata would cheer up and return to closer to normal with this topic. Kitayama now knew what Miyata thought and he couldn’t help feeling sad for his band mate. He was so in love and so scared that he was pushing aside his own feelings and torturing himself.
“Let's play a game, I win you do whatever I say, you win I’ll do whatever you say.” Kitayama pulled a pack of cards out of his bag and began dealing between the two of the. “We’ll play War, ok?”
Miyata nodded, too drunk to really question anything, though he did look suspicious. A waitress arrived with more food and a pitcher of water and quickly left the room, a huge smile on her face once she saw their faces. Kitayama ignored her and kicked Miyata when he seemed a bit too interested in her giggling. They began their game, with Kitayama winning two out of three games.
“Ok, what do you want me to do?” Miyata slurred his words slightly, but seemed satisfied with himself.
Kitayama downed his drink before staring Miyata in the eyes, “On New Year's Eve, tell Tama how you feel about him.” He waited for the freak out, for the scream of horror. Neither came, Miyata just blinked at him and stared at the wood table.
Just when Kitayama began to wonder if he overdid the alcohol Miyata nodded his head, “Ok, I’ll do it. At the very least, maybe I’ll be able to move on.” The pessimistic response bothered Kitayama, but he nodded his agreement anyway. Filling his glass again, he downed his fourth of the night and let out a loud sigh.
“Good, now let's finish up this food, I’m fucking tired!” He yawned for emphasis and Miyata smiled at him, showing a little bit of happiness. They finished eating and Kitayama paid the bill. Miyata thanked him, then wandered back home to his apartment.
“New Year’s eve, huh?” Miyata sighed and decided to overanalyze and freak out about what he was going to say and do later. For now, he just needed to get home so he could pass out.
It wasn’t until he was already sweating from dance practice that Miyata’s brain finally started to freak out. He got yelled at a bunch of times because he kept messing up the steps, his mind focused on just how much trouble he was in. Tamamori looked over at him with worry written all over his face and suddenly Miyata felt even worse. Not only was he going to destroy their friendship in a few days, but he was making more work for his group members. After a quick water break, Miyata resolved to focus on what he was doing.
When they broke for lunch, Tamamori was at his side. “Are you not feeling ok?” He barely spoke above a whisper, but Miyata heard it loud and clear.
“I’m fine, just didn’t get a great sleep last night.” In truth he couldn’t really remember going to sleep, and he had woken up with only a minor headache thanks to the water that Kitayama had forced him to drink. The fact that Tamamori was worried, that he cared, made Miyata’s heart swell up. For a moment he felt like maybe things would be ok if he did confess.
He made sure not to mess up more than usual for the rest of practice, he had gotten his dosage of happiness. Once they were done, he found Tamamori cuddled against him again and he let himself feel the warmth that was probably his favorite thing.
Fujigaya watched them with a shake of his head, Kitayama caught on to the motion and furrowed his eyebrows together. Fujigaya got up to get to the dressing room first, and KItayama made sure to follow him. It was just the two of them, so Fujigaya raised an eyebrow. Kitayama stared at him for a moment longer before finally deciding to let it out. “What do you know about how Tama-chan feels for Miyata and how do you know it?”
The question caught Fujigaya off guard and he tried to act like he had no idea what Kitayama was getting at, but he had been caught. Fujigaya glared at Kitayama for a moment before he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “Tama-chan likes Miyata, more than he thinks Miyata likes him. And in a different way. I accidently overheard him talking to himself a while back about it, and since then he seems to come to me when he needs to talk about it...why?”
Kitayama couldn’t contain his grin, “Miyata likes him back, and thanks to me, is going to confess on New Year’s eve.” Fujigaya smiled and seemed happy about this news, but then he looked slightly frustrated.
“This means those two are going to be even worse now.” Fujigaya groaned, but he seemed genuinely happy. With nothing more to add, they went about showering and getting on their street clothes for the night. Kitayama debated telling Miyata, but decided against it and figured he would just wait. New Year’s Eve was only two days away, it would come out soon enough.
Miyata was panicking. He had spent the last two days in agony. Somehow he had managed to act rather normal around Tamamori and keep his work persona fully active, but once he was home in the safety of his home, he couldn’t help but worry about how much was at stake. He knew that in a way he was overreacting, but he couldn’t help but fear the worse. Shaking his head, he tried again to imagine just what he would say.
The biggest challenge was that he wasn’t sure what Tamamori would say, or how he would respond. He had decided he would pull Tamamori to the side before they really got started, so that should he be rejected he could throw himself into work. No matter how many times he imagined his confession, he could never see Tamamori really being happy or feeling the same way. It was heartbreaking, and in a way he found he was happy that after today it would be all over.
With one more look in the mirror, he headed out the door. He had been up since dawn and he knew he was going to need a nap at some point during the day, but right now he couldn’t sleep. He wouldn’t be able to have a peaceful rest until he had gotten it all over with. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest the closer he got to the studio. It was almost time for countdown practice for Kisumai, and there would be hundreds of people in only a few hours arriving to practice. Followed by several thousand for the performance. He could feel a slight adrenaline rush as the excitement of the night set in a bit.
Miyata’s heart threatened to burst out of his chest when he saw Tamamori for the first time that day. Though Miyata had arrived super early, Tamamori was just on time. Miyata knew he needed to act fast, before everyone's excitement took the opportunity away. He stuttered and probably looked ridiculous when he asked Tamamori if they could talk in private. Kitayama and Fujigaya both watched in interest, though they were pretending to focus on other things, like their cell phones, or reflection. Miyata couldn’t deal with them though, he just needed to do it.
Tamamori had agreed easily, relaxed and a little excited for the night. Miyata panicked some more as they walked into the currently empty refreshment room. There were no staff at the moment, just the two of them. Tamamori leaned against one of the tables and motioned for Miyata to talk. He waited patiently, but noticed how insanely nervous Miyata was. It made him anxious and he began to wonder what exactly could be wrong.
Just when Tamamori’s own panic was reaching its peak Miyata finally spoke. “I like you, not just as a friend, as more than that.” He was looking at his shoes, and his voice had started to break. He willed himself not to cry, he wasn’t going to guilt Tamamori into saying something he didn’t mean.Tamamori for his part was silent. So silent that Miyata began to ramble. “I don’t expect anything, I know you probably have no interest in me. Really I’m happy just being near you and being in your life, and I don’t want our friendship to be ruined or anything and-”
Miyata was interrupted by soft lips on his own. At first he wasn’t sure what was going on, just felt the tears still slowly falling down his cheeks. He couldn’t stop them. Tamamori couldn’t take it anymore. He was so much better at doing than at explaining himself. It was clear that Miyata wasn’t going to listen to what he had to say either. The kiss was more intense than he had thought it would be. It was something he had fantasized about for at least a year, but he still couldn’t describe it. Though it wasn’t like fireworks happening in his body, he still felt a spark all the way down his spin as he pulled Miyata closer to himself.
A loud cough caused them both to spring apart, Miyata looking completely stunned, and Tamamori turning as red as a tomato. Kitayama and Fujigaya both gave them an amused smile. “As pleased as we are that this is resolved, it’s time for practice. You can make out later, preferably when you're not at work.” Kitayama’s grin was infectious and shortly after the two older group mates left, Tamamori and Miyata were both laughing hysterically.
Once they both calmed down, Miyata looked nervous again. “Really? Are you sure? I’m really ok?”
The concern made Tamamori smile softly, he realized all at once that all the insecurities he had been having were just as bad if not worse for Miyata. He walked over and gave him a light peck on the lips before entwining their fingers together. “If you think I’m ok too…”
Miyata looked aghast at even the thought that Tamamori was insecure about HIM liking him back. Despite both of them blushing profusely they both laughed. They would have to work on their insecurities together. Tamamori suddenly started to feel a little self conscious and pulled Miyata out of the room and back to their prep room, still holding hands.
The rest of the day was a complete blur, they had rehearsals and people excitedly talking to them the entire day. Miyata barely had time to process just how happy he really was. He still couldn’t really believe that Tamamori liked him back, but every time he began to worry he would catch Tamamori’s eye and the other would give him a shy smile and blush. The whole day felt like some sort of magic.
Once they were done with work it was early on the first and Miyata didn’t feel tired at all, while most around him groaned and pushed themselves to get dressed to go home. Tamamori seemed to be on the same page and once they were both dressed he snuggled up close to Miyata’s side and smiled at him. “Hey, take me to your place?” A tingle went down down his spine at those words and Miyata couldn’t agree fast enough. He wasn’t really sure what was going to happen. Sure, his mind was running dirty laps around his head, but he also felt like no matter what, more time with Tamamori was enough.
The ride back to his apartment seemed to take forever, with them holding hands. No one was awake for this last train so they both felt safe holding one another. The feel of Tamamori’s hand in his made Miyata feel like he was on top of the world. He didn’t care if they never did anything else, just so long as Tamamori was there.
For his side, Tamamori was impatient. He couldn’t wait to get to Miyata’s apartment. A part of him felt nervous, but mostly he just wanted to be close to him. He had been over to Miyata’s apartment hundreds of times, but this time was considerably different. The excitement made his mind race and he debated what exactly to do. He didn’t know how far they were going to get, but he knew that he wanted to experience those lips against his again.
The closer they got to the apartment the more nervous they both seemed to get. Miyata fidgeted and nearly dropped his keys while trying to unlock the door.Tamamori stayed quiet as the lights were turned on. The apartment was cleaner than normal, which meant Miyata had been worrying a lot lately. Tamamori felt himself smile at the depth of Miyata’s caring. Suddenly he felt less nervous and just as he was being asked if he wanted anything to drink or eat, Tamamori yanked Miyata into a kiss.
All thoughts of being a good host were gone as Miyata felt warmth flush through his entire body. He could feel Tamamori pressing his body closer to him, and he felt the heat of their bodies where they were connected. MIyata was the first to deepen the kiss, his tongue sliding cautiously against Tamamori’s lower lip. Tamamori opened his mouth immediately. Their tongues danced together for a few moments. Tamamori felt dizzy. He wasn’t taking in nearly enough oxygen but he needed to more. MIyata kept pushing closer, their teeth clashing awkwardly. It wasn’t enough. Finally the need to breathe won and they pulled apart. Miyata’s hand was still on his cheek, the heat threatening to burn him, but Tamamori didn’t really care. He just knew he had waited long enough.
Pulling Miyata along to his bedroom, he didn’t need to look where he was going, he’d stayed over more than often enough. They crashed on top of Miyata’s bed, Tamamori more than happy to have Miyata’s weight against him. Miyata’s mouth covered his again and he lost himself in the kiss. He could feel Miyata’s teasing fingers playing with his sides. The soft touches through his clothes drove him crazy. A lot less patient and uncertain, Tamamori let his own fingers roam, dancing across Miyata’s strong back and reaching down to squeeze Miyata’s ass. Feeling the soft flesh beneath the clothes Tamamori thought, not for the first time, that Miyata’s body was seriously underrated. Miyata moaned needily and for a moment Tamamori wondered which of them would lead this. He had always imagined that Miyata would take care of him, but the thought of switching had its appeals as well.
Pushing those thoughts to the side, Tamamori tugged at Miyata’s T-shirt, wanting the clothing gone. Miyata pulled away and removed it, while Tamamori got rid of his own shirt. They both looked at each other for a moment before their lips found one another again. Their skin slid against each other, the softness addictive. Miyata felt like he was in heaven, grinding down against Tamamori, the friction felt amazing on his hard erection and he could tell that Tamamori was hard as well. Long fingers traced his back muscles and Miyata felt like he was on fire. He couldn’t get enough.
Needing to pull back for air again, Miyata kissed a trail down Tamamori’s jaw line and down his neck. Tamamori moaned, and moved his neck to give Miyata room to do more. At the very base of his collarbone, Miyata gave a small bite. Tamamori’s hips bucked up in reaction, grinding them together and causing them both to moan. “Come on, pants off!”
Miyata was too wired to make a joke, which Tamamori was grateful for. They both threw their pants off to the side, leaving them both with just their boxers on. Sitting back on his knees Miyata took in the sight before him, Tamamori’s chest was flushed and his cheeks matched, his lips were slightly puffy from their make-out session. They were too irresistible and soon their lips were connected again. With only their boxers separating them they both felt incredible. Their moans filled the room as they continued to move.
Miyata pulled away first and moved himself down Tamamori’s body, leaving a trail of kisses. He stopped once he reached the waistband and gave a few long kisses before looking up to make sure he could go farther. Tamamori didn’t even blink, just looked at him with wide eyes. Not being told to stop, Miyata mouthed Tamamori through the fabric, his hands coming to grasp his length and give a few tugs. Tamamori let out a sharp exhale of breath, but continued to watch with rapt attention. Miyata felt funny, being the one who was watched. Enjoying the attention though, Miyata pulled Tamamori’s boxers off of him, his cock standing at attention. With a deep breath Miyata went to work sucking the tip into his mouth. His tongue circled around the tip, earning a loud groan. Encouraged by Tamamori’s response and the fact that he was still being watched, Miyata slowly took more of Tamamori into his mouth. His movements slowly gained speed, taking more in each time. Miyata looked up to see Tamamori struggling to keeps his eyes open, determined to watch. They locked eyes before Miyata took it all in his mouth. He nearly choked, but Tamamori closed his eyes, unable to handle the feeling. He flopped down as Miyata pulled back, letting his tongue drag against the underside vein. It felt way too good, and Tamamori wasn’t sure he was going to last much longer.
“Getting close,” his voice sounded raspy to his own ears, but Miyata pulled off with a pop. His fist continued to move slowly, not enough to get him off, but enough to still give him a slow building pleasure. Tamamori pulled him into a kiss, only belatedly realizing what Miyata’s mouth had just been doing, but then he decided he didn’t care. He stilled Miyata’s hand on him and, still kissing him, pulled Miyata’s boxers down. They joined his somewhere on the floor and Tamamori pulled away. “My turn.”
Miyata was on his knees as Tamamori crawled over to return the favor. Miyata looked down as he saw Tamamori’s mouth take him in. The angle was awkward but it felt amazing. He let Tamamori explore with his tongue and let himself get close to the edge before pushing Tamamori away. “Can’t take anymore.”
They both looked at one another, not sure what was next for them. “Do you have any lube?” Tamamori turned completely red once the question was out, but he didn’t regret it. Miyata stared at him for a few moments, before he was suddenly struck by a thought. Leaving Tamamori on the bed, Miyata ran over to his dresser and pulled out a large tube.
“Kitayama gave this to me after he made me promise I would confess.” Miyata couldn’t look Tamamori in the eye, but he couldn’t really feel too embarrassed as his hormones coursed through him, spurring him back to the bed. Tamamori and he looked at one another, neither were sure who was going to do what. Finally, Tamamori pulled him into another kiss and pulled Miyata’s hand back to his cock, while his other hand led Miyata’s hand with the lube towards his bottom.
Getting the message, Miyata pulled away and positioned himself so he could see what he was doing. He opened the bottle of lube and squirted some onto his fingers. Carefully he traced the outside of Tamamori’s hole, the cold lube causing Tamamori to gasp. Miyata used his free hand to jerk Tamamori off while he very carefully inserted the tip of his finger inside. He made sure to go slow, letting a little bit more of his finger go in each time. Once one finger was inside he stopped and looked at Tamamori for a sign of what to do.
“Feels fine, keep going.” Tamamori couldn’t watch, he was beet red and he was starting to feel overheated. It didn’t hurt so far, just felt interesting. It wasn’t a feeling he could describe. Miyata added some more lube as he added a finger, it was a little uncomfortable, but nothing painful. With care Miyata slowly stretched his fingers, scissoring them until he was sure Tamamori could handle a third finger. It was a lot more difficult to get the third finger in, but Miyata was patient, far more so than Tamamori.
For his part Tamamori was both nervous and excited. Miyata was taking care of him so well, and he felt grateful, however he also felt like it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t fast enough. After a good few minutes of Miyata pushing in three fingers, Tamamori had had enough. Gently he pushed Miyata away. Worried, Miyata pulled his fingers free and was about to start apologizing. With a kiss, Tamamori silenced him and led him to lay down on his back. Miyata raised an eyebrow, but wasn’t about to complain. Tamamori straddled him and making sure Miyata was watching, poured some lube onto Miyata’s cock. Keeping eye contact the entire time, he slowly sank all the way down to the base. It was a lot bigger than his fingers, but Tamamori still felt ok. With a slow pace at first he began to move. It felt amazing, and Miyata struggled to watch as Tamamori began to increase his pace. They had been dancing for hours last night, but still Tamamori’s thighs worked hard as he moved himself. Miyata did his best to meet each thrust, feeling euphoric.
It wasn’t long before Miyata began to feel the pull of his orgasm and he quickly grabbed Tamamori’s cock to help get him off. Tamamori shooed him away and began to jerk himself off. His pace had gotten even faster, and he clamped his muscles down. It was all too much, “Yuta I’m-”
“Me too,” barely getting the words out, Tamamori came across Miyata’s chest groaning loudly. Miyata wasn’t far behind forcing his hips up into Tamamori quickly until he finally exploded. Completely exhausted, Tamamori leaned back. They were both a complete mess, but extremely happy. With a hiss he dismounted Miyata and tried to catch his breath.
“Shower,” Miyata nudged Tamamori a few times before he finally agreed to move. They were both completely spent, the last two days finally catching up with the both of them. A quick shower and the two were fast asleep, they had thrown the soiled comforter on the floor and curled up next to each other in bed, cuddled under the sheets.
The next morning, neither wanted to wake up. With the sunlight shining brightly into the room, Tamamori and Miyata remained entangled together, dead to the world. The room was a complete disarray, but the smiles on both of their faces said it was totally and completely worth it.