je_united gift fic for natsunishi Part 1/2
Lovely fic for natsunishi
Title: Fate
Pairing: Nikaido/Senga; Fujigaya/Senga
Rating: between R and NC-17
Warnings: None
Summary: Nikaido’s life is easy. Between his studies and going out every weekend there is no time for much else, especially love. He enjoys one night stands and doesn’t want to change that, but fate seems to have other plans for him when a new person joins their clique.
Notes: It was the first time I joined this exchange and I was really nervous. There was a time when I really struggled if I ever finish this monster, but I made it thanks to some help <3. I hope you’ll enjoy it natsunishi.
It’s an early Sunday morning and after last night Nikaido isn’t planning to get up anytime soon. He was out with a close friend and came home shortly before sunrise.
He turns over to his left side and pulls the blanket over his head again, when his phone begins making a piercing noise. He needs a moment to realize that it is his ringtone.
“Ah… shut up!” he complains and hides his head under his pillow, but whoever is calling him doesn’t hang up again. So he gets up and searches for the clothes he wore the evening before for his phone.
“What do you want?” he asks as he goes back to bed.
“Good morning to you too. You sound so lovely every time I call you. Where are you? Don’t tell me you’re still asleep? You know that everybody is waiting for you?” His best friend sounds annoyed. “I know you were in this new club yesterday together with Yokoo, but we promised to meet the gang today.”
“Today? I didn’t promise anything, did I?” His head is hurting because of the alcohol he had last night and he can't think about anything else than go back to sleep.
“You know that Miyacchi and Tama moved to a new apartment and want to show us their new love nest. They invited everybody and everybody includes you.”
“Mitsu… Can’t you tell them I have work to do for university? You know there are exams in a few weeks.”
“Are you kidding me? You never study until two days before the exam and they know that too. You just shouldn’t drink that much.”
“I didn’t drink that much, I just had a lot of fun on the dance floor.”
“Did you seen anything interesting?”
“Nobody interesting.” Nikaido gets up again and begins to dress himself. “You know how it is in such clubs, always the same faces, and the newbie’s are getting caught way too fast.”
“Maybe you should try dating girl’s again.”
“Maybe I should force you to dress up as a girl and date you then, you would really look like one.”
“I know you like my ass, but sorry. You’re not my type Nika.”
Nikaido laughs and puts on his shoes. “So gimme that damn address already and tell them I’m on my way.”
“I’ll send you an email, now hurry up!” Kitayama hangs up and Nikaido takes his coat and scarf before he goes outside.
He is still a student and has no money for a car of his own, so he is forced to take the train. It is cold, mid December already and soon it would start to snow. The train ride gives him time to think about his stupid friends. He met nearly all of them when he started to study. Yokoo is the one he met first. He is a couple of years older than himself and already working. They met each other when Nikaido went to a gay club for the first time. He had been nervous and everybody could see that it was his first time. Therefore it only took a short while until some guys came up to him and wanted to invite him for drinks. Yokoo saved him from a really bad darkroom experience that evening and so they became friends.
Now they meet every now and then and go out together. Yokoo always says that he wants to take care of him, even though he’s no virgin for a long time already and knows exactly what he wants.
Yokoo has another close friend called Fujigaya. Nikaido was totally interested in him when he first saw him. That guy really looked like a model and acted like a porn star. Who wouldn’t fall for that? But after a while he noticed some things he didn’t really like, like how he is obsessed with his body and didn’t like being touched by any of them. He decided that it would be best to stay friends and so he meets him once in a while too.
When he entered his first economics lecture ever, he noticed a guy in the front row who aroused his interest. He had looked a bit like a nerd with a big nose and an even bigger backpack, he just had to sit down next to him.
It turned out the guys name was Miyata and that he really was a nerd. He talked about anime as if it was the most important part of his life, but Nikaido soon noticed that there is something or someone else too.
When they left the lecture hall together that day, Miyata told him he was going to meet a close friend. Nikaido noticed at the first glance that there was more than friendship to it. He just never thought that the guy Miyata is dating would be a prince like Tamamori Yuta.
They both were absolutely different from each other. Miyacchi the anime nerd and Tamamori the prince like idol guy. Nikaido needed a while to realize that they complemented each other perfectly. When they became closer, Miyata told him they were dating since high school and just moved to their first shared apartment.
He would consider them their closest friends, if it wasn't for Kitayama. He is his senpai at the university and they were stuck together for a tutoring class when he nearly failed at a very important exam. He really didn’t like him at first. Kitayama had been arrogant, boastful and loud. He always told him to concentrate more if he wanted to learn something and Nikaido still didn’t take him seriously.
One time he came late to his tutoring for about half an hour and Kitayama decided that it was enough. The punch that hit Nikaido’s face nearly threw him back against the wall, but apparently it had been necessary, because after that they became really determined and Nikaido passed his exam.
After that they became really close, especially when he learned that Kitayama is dating both girls and boys and had quite a bit of experience already. They went to clubs a few times and Nikaido learned a lot from him.
About one year ago all of them came together for the first time. It was a fun Christmas Eve, they drank a lot, played games together and their gang had been formed.
When Nikaido arrives at the new address he easily finds his way to Tamamori’s and Miyata’s apartment, only because of how loud they are being.
“Good way to say hello to the neighborhood,” Nikaido says to himself, before he presses the doorbell.
“Finally!” Miyata welcomes him and pulls him inside. “Everybody’s here, even Yokoo. But Mr. Nikaido needed a special invitation again.”
Miyata goes into the living room, while Nikaido gets rid of his shoes in the genkan. He hears the voices of his friends. Miyata’s laughter, Tamamori complaining over Yokoo’s admonitions, Kitayama’s stupid jokes, Fujigaya’s whisper and another soft voice. Nikaido gets interested, it has been a while since anybody brought a new guy to their meetings.
He takes a demon mask out of one of the open moving boxes in the hallway, puts it on his face before following Miyata to the living room. The soft voice becomes louder and he laughs to himself, then jumps to the door and screams loudly.
It gets silent within seconds, the only noise in the room is the fast breathing of a unknown curly head sitting on the white sofa, right next to Fujigaya.
“Nika you idiot!” Kitayama is the first one to react and comes up to him. “You're going to scare the newbie.” Nikaido laughs again and takes the mask off his face. Then he glances over at the new guy again who is staring at him intensely. The curly head has big dark eyes and full lips which were still a little parted because of him. They are looking at each other for quite some time, Nikaido thinks it is at least a few minutes.
Then he hears Fujigaya’s voice and watches how he bends over to the curly head. “Everything okay?” he whispers and the new guy averts his gaze.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” he says, smiling at Fujigaya.
“Oh you missed the best part, Fujigaya has a new boyfriend!” Kitayama tells him while he forces him into the living room.
Nikaido is still a bit distant and it takes a moment to hear what his best friend is saying.
“What?” he asks just to be sure.
“The guy over there, his name is Senga and he’s Fujigaya’s new boyfriend.”
Nikaido looks over to Senga who is talking silently to Fujigaya. His new boyfriend? Fujigaya hadn’t had any boyfriend since he got to know him, so it has to be something serious. His throat becomes oddly tight and he moves over to the table.
“I need something to drink,” he says, and Miyata gives him a glass right away.
He sits down next to Yokoo who is eyeing him suspiciously, while he tries to look over to Senga again without being noticed.
He seems to be about his height, as far as he can tell, and kind of muscular. He has never seen him before at the university or at any gay club, so he gets curious where they met each other. Before he could ask them, Tama wants his attention.
“So you were out again yesterday? Found somebody for the night?”
Nikaido looks over to Tamamori and for the first time he feels a bit uncomfortable talking about this theme. He always is proud about the boys he took home, so why is it different today?
“Nah, went home alone this time,” he says, drinks down another gulp of water.
“But you were totally out of it yesterday, I had to take you home because you were so drunk,” Yokoo says mothering.
“Thank you mom!” Nikaido replies and looks over to Fujigaya and Senga. They are holding hands now and he feels even worse when he sees that.
“Awww, look at them!” Miyata says and Senga’s face goes bright red. Fujigaya gives him a kiss on the cheek and laughs a bit. “Isn’t he the cutest thing on earth?”
“Stop it,” Senga says again and shoves him away, then he looks over at Nikaido and his look becomes cold. From then the morning passes by like a blur. Everybody is excited about Fujigaya’s new boyfriend and the most of the conversations revolve about Senga and how they met.
He learns that Senga is aiming to be a professional dancer. At the moment he is going to a large dancing academy and has training about five times a week.
That explains the muscles, Nikaido thinks, then continues to listen to Fujigaya.
“I wanted to wait a little longer to tell you all this, but Senga and I decided to move into an apartment together.”
“What?” Nikaido says loudly and everybody is looking at him.
“I know it’s kinda fast, but we’re sure about it. We don’t see each other that often because of his training so we want to live together. And he still lives with his family, so we always have to be careful.” Fujigaya gives Senga a wink and takes his hand again.
“I’m feeling sick.” Nikaido says and jumps up to run to the bathroom. In front of the mirror he’s shaking and lets the cold water run over his hands, before he sprays a few handfuls of water onto his face.
After a while there is a knock on the door and Yokoo comes into the room. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, just the alcohol.” Nikaido says, dries his hands and face.
“You never acted that strange after you got drunk.”
“Maybe there was something in my last drink, I don’t know, I should go home.”
“They will be sad if you leave that early.”
“Just tell them I’m not feeling well.” Nikaido says and passes Yokoo on his way out of the bathroom.
“Won’t you at least say goodbye?”
“No I really don’t feel good, just tell them please.”
“Okay. Should I drive you home? I went here by car.”
“No thanks, I think the air will help me feel better.” Nikaido goes to get his jacket and shoes and just a few minutes later he leaves the apartment.
Outside he takes a deep breath and tries to calm down his racing heartbeat.
~*~
The following days pass by really quickly. After Nikaido left the gang without saying a word some of his friends tried to call him, but Nikaido hasn't been in the mood to answer his phone. He is glad about the break and that he didn’t have to hear Fujigaya boast about his new boyfriend.
Senga - whenever he thinks about him, his heartbeat goes faster. He doesn't know why he is acting so strange, isn’t used to these feelings.
He even tries to avoid his friends when he’s on campus. It all goes well until the one time he isn't pay attention and runs into Tamamori who immediately grabs him by his collar and drags him to the closest bench.
“So tell me, why are you avoiding us?”
“I’m not avoiding any of you.”
“Then why won’t you answer the phone when we call?”
“I've been busy.”
“We wanted to go to the cinema together, but even Mitsu said you won’t answer the phone.”
“I said I've been busy.”
“It’s because of Senga isn’t it?”
Just hearing that name makes his heart beat faster.
“What’s with Senga?”
“We know that you don’t like him.”
“It has nothing to do with him, and I have nothing against him.”
“Gaya is your friend and it’s not fair to avoid him just because he’s in love. You should be happy for him.”
“I am! I wish them all the best!”
“Then you won’t avoid us anymore?” Tamamori asks seriously.
“I never avoided you in the first place, but no I won’t!” Nikaido says and leans back against the backrest.
The following weekend Nikaido is out at one of his favorite clubs again. He hasn't avoided any of the calls, but still didn’t ask anybody to accompany him this time. He just wants to have fun, without deep thoughts.
He drinks some beer, and then gets on the dance floor. When he is dancing he's able to forget everything else, maybe even find somebody to spend the night with. He lets his gaze wander over the other people around him, then turns around, is shocked at what he sees. Right in front of his eyes are Fujigaya and Senga, dancing closely, touching each other.
A cold shiver runs down his back and he wants to leave immediately, but Fujigaya opens his eyes in exactly that second and sees him. He smiles and whispers something into Senga’s ear, before both of them come over to Nikaido.
“Nika! Why didn’t you tell us, that you’re here today?”
Nikaido smiles and tries to avoid Senga’s eyes. “I just decided about an hour ago,” he lies to them.
Fujigaya nods and looks over to Senga. “I’m going to the bathroom, stay with Nika?”
Senga smiles and Fujigaya pats him on the shoulder before he leaves.
Now they are alone and Nikaido doesn't know what to say. To his surprise it is Senga who talks to him first.
“I don’t like you.”
Nikaido’s eyes widen and he needs a moment to process the words. “Why? We barely know each other.”
“I don’t like people like you, who take everything so easy. Every week another guy, just making jokes and never being earnest. Do you even know the name of your last boyfriend?”
“I can't see why I would tell you that.” Nikaido’s heart is beating fast and he feels sick again. “And I think it’s really easy to judge someone without knowing them.”
“I know people like you, that’s why I can say that I don’t like you. But I’ll try to accept you because you are Taisuke’s friend.”
Before Nikaido can answer to that, Fujigaya comes back to them. “Did you talk a bit?” he asks and Senga just nods.
“Then let’s have some fun now.” Fujigaya says and takes Senga’s hand to pull him closer again, he kisses his neck, strokes his back and Senga is happy. Nikaido uses this moment to leave them alone, his mood is ruined and he decides to go home.
~*~
“Please Nika!”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Cause I need to rest on the weekend.”
“Please Nika! It’s a perfect idea!”
“No it isn’t. I told you already, when I don’t sleep at least until noon on Saturdays, I’ll get sick, really sick, there will be green snot running from my nose and my skin will start to excoriate.“
“That’s disgusting. Come on Nika, it’s really a good idea. I think it will be good if you spent some time together.”
Fujigaya is trying to convince him to drive to a furniture store, which in itself isn't a problem. But he would be alone with Senga and they would collect their bed. The bed for their new apartment, the bed they would share. He thinks it is a bad idea, a really bad idea. But no matter how much he tries to find an excuse, Fujigaya keeps asking him to do it.
“You could talk and get to know each other and you would help me so much! You know that I have to study for my exam and I barely have time to meet him right now.”
“You just don’t want to carry the heavy boxes into the apartment.”
“I will be there after my exam and help you, so please?”
“Why don’t you ask someone else?”
“They’re all busy too, and you should take the chance to get to know Senga better. You'll like him!”
“Did you ask Senga about that? I bet he doesn’t want to spent time with me either.”
“No, he actually said it’s a good idea.”
“You’re still a bad liar Gaya.” It is silent for a while, then Nikaido sighs lightly. “Okay, I’ll do it.”
“Yes! I knew you’re a good friend!” Fujigaya sounds happy.
Yes, Nikaido is really a good friend.
~*~
And so he is waiting in front of Fujigaya’s apartment the next Saturday at 7 AM. It is early, he is deadly tired and it is cold. He just wants to leave and go home again, and to be honest he turned around three times on his way. But now he is standing here, waiting for Senga. I'm going to spend the whole morning with him, and I still don’t know what to talk about, he thinks to himself.
It doesn't take long until Senga joins him and together they head for the delivery truck Fujigaya borrowed from his friend. They don't talk on the way, Nikaido tries to look at him, to see his eyes, but Senga ignores him.
“Stop staring!” are the first words he says to him, after they reach the truck.
“I’m not staring.” Nikaido says and realizes just then that Senga is carrying a box.
He puts the box down next to the vehicle and pulls the keys out of his pocket, then opens the back doors of the truck.
“That’s just a few things for the new apartment, the most important stuff. We want to spend the night in the new apartment.” Senga smiles and comes closer after putting the box inside the truck. “Fortunately we don’t need to renovate the apartment, everything is done and we can move in immediately.”
“Immediately...” Nikaido repeats and looks at Senga.
“Yeah, sometimes things happen fast.”
“Yeah, really fast.” Nikaido says while Senga heads for to the driver’s seat. “Do you want to drive?”
“No, I just really like to sit on that seat with the round wheel, it’s funny how it turns. And I really like to step on the pedals, just never remember which is for what.”
“I just asked.” Nikaido gets into the passenger seat. “Can you really drive such a huge car?”
“Don’t you trust me? Do you think I’m incapable of it?”
“Well…” Nikaido smiles at him provocatively.
“I bet you’re Mr. Professional driver.” They both smile, then Senga starts the engine and they set off.
Nikaido doesn't feel well. The car looks so big from outside, but it seems much more narrow now. He can almost feel the warmth of Senga’s body, can smell his scent. He feels restless, his heart is beating fast and he is sure if he doesn't do something, anything, he might start screaming.
“Are you paying attention to the blind angle?”
“What?” Senga’s hands cramp around the steering wheel and Nikaido’s sight went to those beautiful hands.
“The blind angle, you know?”
“What have I taken you with me for?” Senga jokes and smiles again.
Nikaido feels better after the joke, relaxes a bit. “As long as you watch out for the traffic lights.”
“What are traffic lights? Do you mean those pretty illuminations?”
“Yeah I always thought they’re just decoration. But then my mum said you have to stop when they’re red and can drive when they’re green!”
“I don’t know if I will remember that.” Senga says and laughs again. Nikaido thinks that he is extremely pretty like this.
“I can write it down for you.”
“That would be nice.”
Both of them keep silently grinning after that. It doesn't take long until they reach their goal, but instead of going directly for the wrapping counter, Senga is looking for somewhere to park.
“I thought you bought the bed already?” Nikaido asks.
“Yeah, but I want to go through the store. We still need some stuff for the apartment. Don’t worry, it won’t take long.”
“No problem,” Nikaido says and they get out of the car. Together they go to the entrance that leads to the display area of the furniture store.
Nikaido follows Senga who stops every now and then to look at some of the furniture. The rooms are decorated as if somebody actually lives there. They enter a modern living room, where a couple is sitting on a big sofa. Then they leave it through the second door and end up in a hallway. Senga starts to examine the shoe rack while Nikaido stops in front of a big mirror.
He looks tired, because he barely slept last night. He starts to fumble with his hair until its perfect again and smiles to his reflection.
“Fascinating such a mirror image, right?” He’s standing right behind Nikaido now, looks into the mirror too. His dark eyes are smiling and his beautiful lips are grinning.
“Not every mirror image.” Nikaido says and smiles too. Senga snorts and leaves him alone, going to the next room, yet another living room.
“Why don’t you like my self-confidence?” Nikaido asks with an earnest voice which surprises him too.
“I didn’t say that I don’t like your self-confidence, I just don’t like irresponsible people.”
“I’m not irresponsible!”
“You just don’t get it. Being responsible means to be attentive to the people around you. You know you look good and you know that parties and one night stands are your thing. But when you go out and you find somebody, even just for one night, you should think about the other person too! The other person has feelings and fears too! You never think about what your words and your actions could trigger other people. That’s responsibility, being sensitive and careful. Show consideration and watch out for the reactions of other people.”
They look at each other, and Senga’s expression is serious. Nikaido starts to grin ironically and grabs a pillow from the floor. He takes it and holds it in front of his face.
“What are you doing?” Senga asks, clearly annoyed.
“I’m protecting my eyes. Your halo is so dazzling, I’m going to be blind.” Senga doesn’t reply, just gets up from the sofa he is sitting on and leaving the room snorting and hissing angrily.
Nikaido sits down on the sofa instead, pretending to be sulking, and looks to the door that leads to the kitchen area. Senga is in, there making noises.
“What are you doing?” Nikaido asks him through the door. Senga is leaning against the kitchen counter, looking through a painted window that is showing a pretty winter scenery.
“I’m looking for a knife,” Senga mutters.
“Are you making me something to eat?”
“No. I want to commit a murder.”
“But then they will exclude you from heaven!”
Senga’s eyes glitter with anger. He comes closer to Nikaido and crosses his arms.
“You are such a kid! Why can’t you have a normal conversation once?”
“That isn’t a normal conversation, you were criticizing me all the time.” Nikaido says earnestly.
“I'm not criticizing you, it is just my opinion.”
Nikaido enters the kitchen too and sits down by a table set for two people. “I’m always telling them what I want and what they can expect from me, always,” he says and looks to Senga.
“You mean you make the rules and when they fall for you or getting their hopes up, it’s their own problem.” Senga sits down by the kitchen table too.
Nikaido shrugs and looks him into the eyes. “I’m a bad, bad person.”
“I didn’t say that,” Senga says and runs his fingers through his blond hair.
“But you think it.” Nikaido looks down and tries to breathe. His throat feels constricted.
“I don’t think you’re a bad person. You’re right, I don’t know you that well, but…” Senga starts to play with the glasses and plates on the table.
“Sometimes I think you don’t want to change your opinion of me. You don’t want to like me.”
“That’s bullshit!” Senga tries to sound disparaging, but his voice sounds nervous. “Why shouldn’t I want to like you?”
“No idea, I thought maybe you could explain it to me.”
“There’s nothing to explain,” Senga snarled. “And why is it this important to you? You aren't making an effort to persuade me to like you.”
“Yes I am! I'm making an effort, because I want you to like me, because I like you actually.”
Senga doesn’t say anything. His eyes are sparkling and his hands are shaking, but Nikaido can't understand why. “And which of your nasty comments should show me that?” he asks.
That hurts to hear. Nikaido nearly puts a hand on his own chest, because his heart feels broken. He gets up, leaves the kitchen through the door right next to the fridge and stops in a small bathroom.
Why did they have to argue today? They should have fun, but they touched topics which hurt them both. Nikaido looks into the mirror right above the sink. He is pale and looks hurt.
The door to the bathroom opens and Senga enters. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m brushing my teeth,” Nikaido answers and grabs a toothbrush from the sink.
“I’m sorry,” Senga whispers without looking at him.
“What do you mean?” Nikaido asks.
“My reaction was… mean,” he whispers and starts to fumble with the zipper on his jacket. “I just didn’t know how to…” His cheeks are bright red. “I’m really sorry.”
“Me too,” Nikaido says. “Sometimes I talk too fast and without thinking first. And then I don’t remember what I said, the more I talk the less I can remember.”
Senga looks up again. “And you’re thinking about yourself again. Even if you can’t remember what you said, the people who heard it won’t forget it so fast. You’re miles away already and they still have to think about it.” He leaves the bathroom through another door, closes it silently.
Nikaido leans his head against the cool tiles. Why is it getting even more difficult with every sentence? Senga should disappear. It was so much easier when he wasn't part of his life. But even if he would leave now, something would stay behind. He wants to be with him.
He decides to follow him through the door and enters a bright bedroom. The big painted window shows the same winter scenery as before with a rising sun. Senga is lying on the big bed, looking out of the window.
“Is the sun still rising?” Nikaido asks as he goes around the bed.
“Yeah…” Senga says.
“Takes a long time today.”
“Hmm…” Nikaido sits down on the other side of the bed.
“Take off your shoes,” Senga commands and Nikaido takes off his shoes instantly.
“Thank you for reminding me, I always forget to take them off and sleep with shoes on all night.” He’s lying down next to him and his back.
They lie there next to each other for a while without talking. And everything that is so complicated seems easy for a while.
“Senga?” Nikaido asks silently.
“Yes?”
“Are you sleeping already?”
Senga is laughing again. “Almost.”
“Shall I sing you a lullaby?” Nikaido looks over at him.
“Please don’t.” Senga’s eyes are closed. “Are you tired too?”
“Didn’t get much sleep last night.” Nikaido smiles.
“I feel like I've lived seven years without any sleep.” Senga sighs.
“I know I have that impact on people.”
Now Senga is grinning. “Yes…”
Nikaido watches him closely. “Tell me something about yourself, something you didn’t tell anybody before.”
“And here I thought we start with something easy, like my favorite color, or food.” Senga opens his eyes to look at him. “I love it when it has snowed and all the meadows are white. When I’m the first one to step on that white. That moment I feel kind of lonely, but like an adventurer too. And when I look back and see my footprints in the snow, I know that I am there. There you go, some silly and unimportant information about me.”
Nikaido feels a strong urge to touch him, to show him he’s not alone. “Senga?”
“Hmm?”
“I know everything I told you, and I don’t want to forget anything. I really meant what I said.”
Senga stays silent, nods and closes his eyes again.
Nikaido could bend over now, kiss him just like that. Kiss Senga’s red lips. It would be totally normal and feel so good. He wants to do it so badly, he never wanted to kiss somebody that badly until now. His heart beat is so fast.
“Do you remember? A few years ago, when we went to the furniture store to pick up a bed?” Nikaido asks, like he's making up a story about the two of them.
“Yes I remember. It was so long ago…” Senga says softly.
“When we went through the store and told each other stupid things, do you remember?
“Yes...”
Nikaido returns to an upright position and slips closer to Senga, adoring his pretty face.
“Do you remember that we were lying in a bed together?” Nikaido asks softly.
Senga just nods.
“And while we were laying there, we talked about snow and then… then I kissed you, do you remember?” Nikaido looks down on him, Senga’s eyes open, shining brightly. Then he nods again, only slightly.
Nikaido bends over him some more, his face timidly gets closer to Senga’s. He stops breathing, concentrating on Senga red lips, his heart is beating fast.
Senga closes his eyes and finally their lips touch. Nikaido kisses him carefully, as though he would disappear if he was too rough.
Senga’s fingers touch Nikaido’s cheek, caressing him softly, while Nikaido’s hands are buried in Senga’s hair. When Nikaido touches Senga’s bottom lip softy with his tongue, his whole body trembles. Then he parts his lips and their tongues are touching. Senga sighs silently, their kiss gets deeper and more demanding.
Senga’s hand are wandering from Nikaido’s cheeks to his chest, he’s pushing against it, gentle first, then firmer. He turns his head to the side and shoves Nikaido away, not roughly but pleading.
Both of them are breathing faster. Nikaido tries to catch Senga’s eyes but he doesn’t want to look at him. His cheeks are reddened, his lips are wet and he’s still trembling.
Nikaido wants to say something, he should say something but he keeps silent and so does Senga. He lays back down on his back and looks at the ceiling, listening to Senga’s breathing.
~*~
Hours later everything is still on Nikaido’s mind. He wants to remember everything clearly, the most beautiful kiss in his whole life. After the kiss they both left the furniture store without a word. They picked up the bed and loaded it into the truck without saying a word.
“Won’t you talk to me anymore?” Nikaido asks when they are done.
“I will…” Senga whispers.
“But…?”
“I can’t talk right now.”
“Okay.”
They get into the truck and Senga looks over to him. “Should I drive you home?”
“Don’t you need help with the bed?” Nikaido asks.
“I think Taisuke is home already…”
“Oh…” Nikaido doesn't want to see Fujigaya, is sure he can't look into his eyes after what happened between Senga and him. But when they arrive at the apartment, Fujigaya isn’t home yet.
In silence they carry the bed into the house, but Nikaido doesn’t want to see their shared apartment. He doesn’t want to see “their” kitchen, or “their” bedroom. So he stays in the hallway until Senga comes back.
They’re standing in front of each other, looking into each other’s eyes without saying a word. Senga’s eyes are shining with emotions full of warmth, despair, shame, concern but also happiness and desire. How can somebody’s eyes express so many different feelings?
Nikaido doesn’t want to leave, wants to stay with him but Senga interrupts his thoughts.
“So… see you…” he says.
“Hmm…” Nikaido answers halfheartedly but before he leaves the apartment he kisses Senga on his cheek. Senga looks scared for a moment, then he closes his eyes and blushes while Nikaido leaves him alone.
~*~
Nikaido tries to ignore everything the following days. He gets a lot of calls of his friends who wants him to help Fujigaya and Senga moving their stuff to the new apartment, but gladly he always finds an excuse. He doesn't want to meet them together, doesn't want to see Senga again.
But he isn’t prepared to meet him just like that in the city, while he is shopping for his first Christmas gifts. He is just standing there in front of him, looking scared and as if he wants to run away.
Nikaido goes closer slowly . “Kenpi… don’t run away.”
Senga looks surprised after hearing that nickname. “What?”
“We can’t run away from each other all the time. You wanted to go inside this shop? Me too, so we can go together.” Nikaido sounds much calmer than he feels inside.
Silently they get into the shop and start looking around. Both of them are aware that they had to talk about what happened but neither of them wants to start.
They leave the shop without buying anything and walk together for a while. It is cold already and Senga is freezing.
“It was a mistake..” he says suddenly.
“A mistake?”
“The kiss… it was a mistake. I’m in a relationship and Taisuke is your friend too, it's wrong.”
Nikaido’s heart hurts badly and he needs a moment to calm it down. “But I liked it… the kiss. I really liked it.” Senga looks over to him, but doesn’t say a word. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Yes, but that’s not what’s important!”
“Of course it’s important!”
“No, the only important thing is that we hurt Taisuke!”
“But he doesn’t know about it,” Nikaido says coldly.
“No… but…” Senga sighs. “I think I have to tell him.”
“You want to tell him about it?”
“Yes…” Senga’s voice is shaking. “I have to… I should have done it before we moved in together, but…” He stops. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him that it's you, I will lie to him and tell him that it was someone at a party, it will be hard enough already.”
“Why do you want to tell him then?”
“Because honesty and faithfulness are the most important parts of a relationship!” he says angrily.
Nikaido snorts loudly. “Faithfulness? I’m such an idiot for believing all the time, that love is the most important part in a relationship…”
Senga glares at him. “Sure, but without faithfulness there’s no love.”
“Wow look at that, I’m really learning something new today. I always thought it should be the other way, without love no faithfulness.”
Without another word Senga leaves him, but Nikaido follows.
“Don’t you like my theories about love, faithfulness and relationships? Or do you hate the fact that I told you that our kiss was nice?”
Senga stops suddenly and looks up to him. “I hate that you make fun of my principles,” he says angrily. “I am always faithful to my partner and treat them with respect and honesty.”
“How romantic,” Nikaido scoffs.
“It is romantic!” Senga answers. “What does romance mean to you?”
“Desire, lust, passion,” Nikaido counts.
“I don’t know what you believe passion is, but you need honesty and faithfulness to trust somebody. And with trust there’s true passion, because I can only give myself to somebody I trust and that’s the true passion!” Senga starts walking again.
Nikaido stays and looks to the ground. “Kenpi… why did we kiss?”
Senga looks back to him. “It is because of the mood between us two.”
Nikaido steps up to him and their bodies nearly touch each other. “Kenpi… if Fujigaya wasn't your partner… would you go on a date with me?”
Senga winces and looks right into Nikaido’s eyes. “Yes… but I know it wouldn’t work out between us...” his voice is getting quiet at the end of the sentence. He sounds sad.
~*~
A few days later Nikaido is home when his phone is ringing. “Yes?”
“Nika, its Watta…”
“What’s up?”
“You need to come here, something happened and we need to talk.” Nikaido instantly gets a weird feeling about this.
“What happened?”
“Just come here, then we’ll tell you. And please… hurry up.”
They hang up and 20 minutes later Nikaido is in front of Yokoo’s apartment. He feels sick and is afraid that maybe his friends found out what happened.
He is shocked when the person who opens the door for him isn’t Yokoo but Fujigaya, who looks like a mess. “Hey, thank you for coming...” Fujigaya says and they step into the apartment.
In the living room Yokoo is sitting next to Kitayama. They welcome him, but the mood is dark and sulky.
“The reason I wanted to talk to you is Kento…” Fujigaya sighs and turns the cup with hot tea in his hands after he sits down again.
“Did he have an accident?” Kitayama asked alarmed.
Fujigaya scoffs bitterly. “No, he’s in great physical condition.” He sighs again. “He told me he kissed another guy.” His voice sounds harsh.
Yokoo and Kitayama are looking surprised while Nikaido examines the pattern on the cushions.
“Is that true?” Yokoo is the first to speak again.
“No, I just made a joke, funny isn’t it?” Fujigaya says sarcastically. “Sorry… I’m not myself at the moment.”
“When did this happen?” Kitayama asks.
“A few days ago, on Sunday I think. He was out with some friends.”
“And the other guy?” Yokoo asks, still shocked.
“Just some guy he met there, he said he didn’t know him.” Everybody keeps silent. Nikaido tries to look shocked too. He feels uncomfortable and just wants to leave.
“Okay, tell us exactly what happened.” Kitayama says finally.
“Kento wanted to talk with me yesterday. He was really nervous and anxious… when I think about it, he has been like that for a few days already, but I thought it was because we just moved in together and because of the stress.” Fujigaya runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m such an idiot, I should have noticed it much earlier…”
“Stop blaming yourself for it!” Kitayama says angrily. “Do you want to blame yourself for not being suspicious enough thinking your boyfriend cheats on you?”
“No...” Fujigaya says. “But I should have noticed that something is bothering him.”
“Poor guy…” Yokoo hums. “Cheating is such a bother.”
Nikaido feels angry inside. They shouldn’t talk bad about Senga. They weren’t there, they don’t know what it was like, how they felt and that there was nothing dirty about that kiss. That moment has been so intense, affectionate, warm, pure and honest.
“After that he started crying and told me he was dancing with this guy in the club and kissed him at the end…”
“Did he say anything about the guy?”
“Nothing much, he was just there, unimportant.”
Nikaido felt sick. Is he really that unimportant? Didn’t Senga feel anything for him?
“He said he drank too much alcohol that night.” Fujigaya whispers.
“Sure…” Yokoo spits. “He’s totally not at fault because he was drunk.”
“He didn’t say that as an excuse, it was just a part of his explanation…”
“And what is the other part?” Kitayama asks.
“He said that he panicked. It was too much for him, that we moved in together so fast, the stress and everything else…”
Yokoo sighs and Fujigaya notices it. “Don’t lecture me again!”
“I won’t lecture you again, but I told you that it was way too fast. You've only known each other for a few months and I guess Senga noticed that too.”
“But he is the one who wanted to move in together! He was so happy, why should we wait when we know that it fits? There are a lot of pairs who move in together after years and then break up after a few weeks because they can’t live together.”
“But it’s not about relationships in general, it’s about you and Senga.” Kitayama says and Yokoo feels approved.
“As I told you, you moved in together way too fast.” They stay silent again until Fujigaya looks to Nikaido. “What do you think? You didn’t say anything until now.”
“What do you want to hear?”
“What?” Fujigaya asks confused.
“What do you want to hear? What should I tell you? Do you want me to tell you to break up with him? Or do you want me to tell you it’s not that bad and you should forgive him?”
Fujigaya looks at him shocked and shakes his head angrily. “I just want you all to be by my side as my friends, not for you to act like assholes!”
“Okay…” Nikaido says. “And as a friend I’m listening to your problems and keep quiet.”
“Do you think that is supporting me? What’s up with you?”
“As your friend I’m supporting all your decisions and think it’s the right one.”
“Is it really too much to ask for your opinion? What would you do if you would be in this situation?”
“No idea..” Nikaido admits. “But maybe Senga wouldn’t kiss another guy if I would be the one dating him.”
Fujigaya looks so angry that Yokoo goes over to him to calm him down. “What Nika wants to say is, that we’re your friends. We support your decision, but you have to make this decision by yourself. We don’t know Senga that well, you have to decide how you want to react to this confession and if he is honest.”
“Understand..” Fujigaya scoffs. “I just don’t understand it. Faithfulness is so important to Kento. He is shocked himself about what he did.”
Yokoo hugs him lightly. “Do you think you can forgive him?”
“I don’t think he would do it again. He was drunk and he doesn’t want to see this guy again. He is being honest to me and felt remorse plus…. I love him.”
“And he loves you too?” Yokoo asks.
“He told me so and I believe him.”
“Then you should forgive him.” Kitayama continues. “He’s just a human being and can make mistakes.” Fujigaya nods and smiles a bit.
“Okay, catastrophe successfully averted!” Kitayama smiles and looks over to Nikaido. He smiles too, even though his heart hurts awfully.
The rest of the evening is much more relaxed. They talk about stupid stuff and make stupid jokes. Even though Nikaido joins the conversations, smiles with them and makes jokes, he has to admit that for a short moment he felt hope.
Hope to get a chance, hope to replace Fujigaya and be by Senga’s side.
Part 2
Title: Fate
Pairing: Nikaido/Senga; Fujigaya/Senga
Rating: between R and NC-17
Warnings: None
Summary: Nikaido’s life is easy. Between his studies and going out every weekend there is no time for much else, especially love. He enjoys one night stands and doesn’t want to change that, but fate seems to have other plans for him when a new person joins their clique.
Notes: It was the first time I joined this exchange and I was really nervous. There was a time when I really struggled if I ever finish this monster, but I made it thanks to some help <3. I hope you’ll enjoy it natsunishi.
It’s an early Sunday morning and after last night Nikaido isn’t planning to get up anytime soon. He was out with a close friend and came home shortly before sunrise.
He turns over to his left side and pulls the blanket over his head again, when his phone begins making a piercing noise. He needs a moment to realize that it is his ringtone.
“Ah… shut up!” he complains and hides his head under his pillow, but whoever is calling him doesn’t hang up again. So he gets up and searches for the clothes he wore the evening before for his phone.
“What do you want?” he asks as he goes back to bed.
“Good morning to you too. You sound so lovely every time I call you. Where are you? Don’t tell me you’re still asleep? You know that everybody is waiting for you?” His best friend sounds annoyed. “I know you were in this new club yesterday together with Yokoo, but we promised to meet the gang today.”
“Today? I didn’t promise anything, did I?” His head is hurting because of the alcohol he had last night and he can't think about anything else than go back to sleep.
“You know that Miyacchi and Tama moved to a new apartment and want to show us their new love nest. They invited everybody and everybody includes you.”
“Mitsu… Can’t you tell them I have work to do for university? You know there are exams in a few weeks.”
“Are you kidding me? You never study until two days before the exam and they know that too. You just shouldn’t drink that much.”
“I didn’t drink that much, I just had a lot of fun on the dance floor.”
“Did you seen anything interesting?”
“Nobody interesting.” Nikaido gets up again and begins to dress himself. “You know how it is in such clubs, always the same faces, and the newbie’s are getting caught way too fast.”
“Maybe you should try dating girl’s again.”
“Maybe I should force you to dress up as a girl and date you then, you would really look like one.”
“I know you like my ass, but sorry. You’re not my type Nika.”
Nikaido laughs and puts on his shoes. “So gimme that damn address already and tell them I’m on my way.”
“I’ll send you an email, now hurry up!” Kitayama hangs up and Nikaido takes his coat and scarf before he goes outside.
He is still a student and has no money for a car of his own, so he is forced to take the train. It is cold, mid December already and soon it would start to snow. The train ride gives him time to think about his stupid friends. He met nearly all of them when he started to study. Yokoo is the one he met first. He is a couple of years older than himself and already working. They met each other when Nikaido went to a gay club for the first time. He had been nervous and everybody could see that it was his first time. Therefore it only took a short while until some guys came up to him and wanted to invite him for drinks. Yokoo saved him from a really bad darkroom experience that evening and so they became friends.
Now they meet every now and then and go out together. Yokoo always says that he wants to take care of him, even though he’s no virgin for a long time already and knows exactly what he wants.
Yokoo has another close friend called Fujigaya. Nikaido was totally interested in him when he first saw him. That guy really looked like a model and acted like a porn star. Who wouldn’t fall for that? But after a while he noticed some things he didn’t really like, like how he is obsessed with his body and didn’t like being touched by any of them. He decided that it would be best to stay friends and so he meets him once in a while too.
When he entered his first economics lecture ever, he noticed a guy in the front row who aroused his interest. He had looked a bit like a nerd with a big nose and an even bigger backpack, he just had to sit down next to him.
It turned out the guys name was Miyata and that he really was a nerd. He talked about anime as if it was the most important part of his life, but Nikaido soon noticed that there is something or someone else too.
When they left the lecture hall together that day, Miyata told him he was going to meet a close friend. Nikaido noticed at the first glance that there was more than friendship to it. He just never thought that the guy Miyata is dating would be a prince like Tamamori Yuta.
They both were absolutely different from each other. Miyacchi the anime nerd and Tamamori the prince like idol guy. Nikaido needed a while to realize that they complemented each other perfectly. When they became closer, Miyata told him they were dating since high school and just moved to their first shared apartment.
He would consider them their closest friends, if it wasn't for Kitayama. He is his senpai at the university and they were stuck together for a tutoring class when he nearly failed at a very important exam. He really didn’t like him at first. Kitayama had been arrogant, boastful and loud. He always told him to concentrate more if he wanted to learn something and Nikaido still didn’t take him seriously.
One time he came late to his tutoring for about half an hour and Kitayama decided that it was enough. The punch that hit Nikaido’s face nearly threw him back against the wall, but apparently it had been necessary, because after that they became really determined and Nikaido passed his exam.
After that they became really close, especially when he learned that Kitayama is dating both girls and boys and had quite a bit of experience already. They went to clubs a few times and Nikaido learned a lot from him.
About one year ago all of them came together for the first time. It was a fun Christmas Eve, they drank a lot, played games together and their gang had been formed.
When Nikaido arrives at the new address he easily finds his way to Tamamori’s and Miyata’s apartment, only because of how loud they are being.
“Good way to say hello to the neighborhood,” Nikaido says to himself, before he presses the doorbell.
“Finally!” Miyata welcomes him and pulls him inside. “Everybody’s here, even Yokoo. But Mr. Nikaido needed a special invitation again.”
Miyata goes into the living room, while Nikaido gets rid of his shoes in the genkan. He hears the voices of his friends. Miyata’s laughter, Tamamori complaining over Yokoo’s admonitions, Kitayama’s stupid jokes, Fujigaya’s whisper and another soft voice. Nikaido gets interested, it has been a while since anybody brought a new guy to their meetings.
He takes a demon mask out of one of the open moving boxes in the hallway, puts it on his face before following Miyata to the living room. The soft voice becomes louder and he laughs to himself, then jumps to the door and screams loudly.
It gets silent within seconds, the only noise in the room is the fast breathing of a unknown curly head sitting on the white sofa, right next to Fujigaya.
“Nika you idiot!” Kitayama is the first one to react and comes up to him. “You're going to scare the newbie.” Nikaido laughs again and takes the mask off his face. Then he glances over at the new guy again who is staring at him intensely. The curly head has big dark eyes and full lips which were still a little parted because of him. They are looking at each other for quite some time, Nikaido thinks it is at least a few minutes.
Then he hears Fujigaya’s voice and watches how he bends over to the curly head. “Everything okay?” he whispers and the new guy averts his gaze.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” he says, smiling at Fujigaya.
“Oh you missed the best part, Fujigaya has a new boyfriend!” Kitayama tells him while he forces him into the living room.
Nikaido is still a bit distant and it takes a moment to hear what his best friend is saying.
“What?” he asks just to be sure.
“The guy over there, his name is Senga and he’s Fujigaya’s new boyfriend.”
Nikaido looks over to Senga who is talking silently to Fujigaya. His new boyfriend? Fujigaya hadn’t had any boyfriend since he got to know him, so it has to be something serious. His throat becomes oddly tight and he moves over to the table.
“I need something to drink,” he says, and Miyata gives him a glass right away.
He sits down next to Yokoo who is eyeing him suspiciously, while he tries to look over to Senga again without being noticed.
He seems to be about his height, as far as he can tell, and kind of muscular. He has never seen him before at the university or at any gay club, so he gets curious where they met each other. Before he could ask them, Tama wants his attention.
“So you were out again yesterday? Found somebody for the night?”
Nikaido looks over to Tamamori and for the first time he feels a bit uncomfortable talking about this theme. He always is proud about the boys he took home, so why is it different today?
“Nah, went home alone this time,” he says, drinks down another gulp of water.
“But you were totally out of it yesterday, I had to take you home because you were so drunk,” Yokoo says mothering.
“Thank you mom!” Nikaido replies and looks over to Fujigaya and Senga. They are holding hands now and he feels even worse when he sees that.
“Awww, look at them!” Miyata says and Senga’s face goes bright red. Fujigaya gives him a kiss on the cheek and laughs a bit. “Isn’t he the cutest thing on earth?”
“Stop it,” Senga says again and shoves him away, then he looks over at Nikaido and his look becomes cold. From then the morning passes by like a blur. Everybody is excited about Fujigaya’s new boyfriend and the most of the conversations revolve about Senga and how they met.
He learns that Senga is aiming to be a professional dancer. At the moment he is going to a large dancing academy and has training about five times a week.
That explains the muscles, Nikaido thinks, then continues to listen to Fujigaya.
“I wanted to wait a little longer to tell you all this, but Senga and I decided to move into an apartment together.”
“What?” Nikaido says loudly and everybody is looking at him.
“I know it’s kinda fast, but we’re sure about it. We don’t see each other that often because of his training so we want to live together. And he still lives with his family, so we always have to be careful.” Fujigaya gives Senga a wink and takes his hand again.
“I’m feeling sick.” Nikaido says and jumps up to run to the bathroom. In front of the mirror he’s shaking and lets the cold water run over his hands, before he sprays a few handfuls of water onto his face.
After a while there is a knock on the door and Yokoo comes into the room. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, just the alcohol.” Nikaido says, dries his hands and face.
“You never acted that strange after you got drunk.”
“Maybe there was something in my last drink, I don’t know, I should go home.”
“They will be sad if you leave that early.”
“Just tell them I’m not feeling well.” Nikaido says and passes Yokoo on his way out of the bathroom.
“Won’t you at least say goodbye?”
“No I really don’t feel good, just tell them please.”
“Okay. Should I drive you home? I went here by car.”
“No thanks, I think the air will help me feel better.” Nikaido goes to get his jacket and shoes and just a few minutes later he leaves the apartment.
Outside he takes a deep breath and tries to calm down his racing heartbeat.
~*~
The following days pass by really quickly. After Nikaido left the gang without saying a word some of his friends tried to call him, but Nikaido hasn't been in the mood to answer his phone. He is glad about the break and that he didn’t have to hear Fujigaya boast about his new boyfriend.
Senga - whenever he thinks about him, his heartbeat goes faster. He doesn't know why he is acting so strange, isn’t used to these feelings.
He even tries to avoid his friends when he’s on campus. It all goes well until the one time he isn't pay attention and runs into Tamamori who immediately grabs him by his collar and drags him to the closest bench.
“So tell me, why are you avoiding us?”
“I’m not avoiding any of you.”
“Then why won’t you answer the phone when we call?”
“I've been busy.”
“We wanted to go to the cinema together, but even Mitsu said you won’t answer the phone.”
“I said I've been busy.”
“It’s because of Senga isn’t it?”
Just hearing that name makes his heart beat faster.
“What’s with Senga?”
“We know that you don’t like him.”
“It has nothing to do with him, and I have nothing against him.”
“Gaya is your friend and it’s not fair to avoid him just because he’s in love. You should be happy for him.”
“I am! I wish them all the best!”
“Then you won’t avoid us anymore?” Tamamori asks seriously.
“I never avoided you in the first place, but no I won’t!” Nikaido says and leans back against the backrest.
The following weekend Nikaido is out at one of his favorite clubs again. He hasn't avoided any of the calls, but still didn’t ask anybody to accompany him this time. He just wants to have fun, without deep thoughts.
He drinks some beer, and then gets on the dance floor. When he is dancing he's able to forget everything else, maybe even find somebody to spend the night with. He lets his gaze wander over the other people around him, then turns around, is shocked at what he sees. Right in front of his eyes are Fujigaya and Senga, dancing closely, touching each other.
A cold shiver runs down his back and he wants to leave immediately, but Fujigaya opens his eyes in exactly that second and sees him. He smiles and whispers something into Senga’s ear, before both of them come over to Nikaido.
“Nika! Why didn’t you tell us, that you’re here today?”
Nikaido smiles and tries to avoid Senga’s eyes. “I just decided about an hour ago,” he lies to them.
Fujigaya nods and looks over to Senga. “I’m going to the bathroom, stay with Nika?”
Senga smiles and Fujigaya pats him on the shoulder before he leaves.
Now they are alone and Nikaido doesn't know what to say. To his surprise it is Senga who talks to him first.
“I don’t like you.”
Nikaido’s eyes widen and he needs a moment to process the words. “Why? We barely know each other.”
“I don’t like people like you, who take everything so easy. Every week another guy, just making jokes and never being earnest. Do you even know the name of your last boyfriend?”
“I can't see why I would tell you that.” Nikaido’s heart is beating fast and he feels sick again. “And I think it’s really easy to judge someone without knowing them.”
“I know people like you, that’s why I can say that I don’t like you. But I’ll try to accept you because you are Taisuke’s friend.”
Before Nikaido can answer to that, Fujigaya comes back to them. “Did you talk a bit?” he asks and Senga just nods.
“Then let’s have some fun now.” Fujigaya says and takes Senga’s hand to pull him closer again, he kisses his neck, strokes his back and Senga is happy. Nikaido uses this moment to leave them alone, his mood is ruined and he decides to go home.
~*~
“Please Nika!”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Cause I need to rest on the weekend.”
“Please Nika! It’s a perfect idea!”
“No it isn’t. I told you already, when I don’t sleep at least until noon on Saturdays, I’ll get sick, really sick, there will be green snot running from my nose and my skin will start to excoriate.“
“That’s disgusting. Come on Nika, it’s really a good idea. I think it will be good if you spent some time together.”
Fujigaya is trying to convince him to drive to a furniture store, which in itself isn't a problem. But he would be alone with Senga and they would collect their bed. The bed for their new apartment, the bed they would share. He thinks it is a bad idea, a really bad idea. But no matter how much he tries to find an excuse, Fujigaya keeps asking him to do it.
“You could talk and get to know each other and you would help me so much! You know that I have to study for my exam and I barely have time to meet him right now.”
“You just don’t want to carry the heavy boxes into the apartment.”
“I will be there after my exam and help you, so please?”
“Why don’t you ask someone else?”
“They’re all busy too, and you should take the chance to get to know Senga better. You'll like him!”
“Did you ask Senga about that? I bet he doesn’t want to spent time with me either.”
“No, he actually said it’s a good idea.”
“You’re still a bad liar Gaya.” It is silent for a while, then Nikaido sighs lightly. “Okay, I’ll do it.”
“Yes! I knew you’re a good friend!” Fujigaya sounds happy.
Yes, Nikaido is really a good friend.
~*~
And so he is waiting in front of Fujigaya’s apartment the next Saturday at 7 AM. It is early, he is deadly tired and it is cold. He just wants to leave and go home again, and to be honest he turned around three times on his way. But now he is standing here, waiting for Senga. I'm going to spend the whole morning with him, and I still don’t know what to talk about, he thinks to himself.
It doesn't take long until Senga joins him and together they head for the delivery truck Fujigaya borrowed from his friend. They don't talk on the way, Nikaido tries to look at him, to see his eyes, but Senga ignores him.
“Stop staring!” are the first words he says to him, after they reach the truck.
“I’m not staring.” Nikaido says and realizes just then that Senga is carrying a box.
He puts the box down next to the vehicle and pulls the keys out of his pocket, then opens the back doors of the truck.
“That’s just a few things for the new apartment, the most important stuff. We want to spend the night in the new apartment.” Senga smiles and comes closer after putting the box inside the truck. “Fortunately we don’t need to renovate the apartment, everything is done and we can move in immediately.”
“Immediately...” Nikaido repeats and looks at Senga.
“Yeah, sometimes things happen fast.”
“Yeah, really fast.” Nikaido says while Senga heads for to the driver’s seat. “Do you want to drive?”
“No, I just really like to sit on that seat with the round wheel, it’s funny how it turns. And I really like to step on the pedals, just never remember which is for what.”
“I just asked.” Nikaido gets into the passenger seat. “Can you really drive such a huge car?”
“Don’t you trust me? Do you think I’m incapable of it?”
“Well…” Nikaido smiles at him provocatively.
“I bet you’re Mr. Professional driver.” They both smile, then Senga starts the engine and they set off.
Nikaido doesn't feel well. The car looks so big from outside, but it seems much more narrow now. He can almost feel the warmth of Senga’s body, can smell his scent. He feels restless, his heart is beating fast and he is sure if he doesn't do something, anything, he might start screaming.
“Are you paying attention to the blind angle?”
“What?” Senga’s hands cramp around the steering wheel and Nikaido’s sight went to those beautiful hands.
“The blind angle, you know?”
“What have I taken you with me for?” Senga jokes and smiles again.
Nikaido feels better after the joke, relaxes a bit. “As long as you watch out for the traffic lights.”
“What are traffic lights? Do you mean those pretty illuminations?”
“Yeah I always thought they’re just decoration. But then my mum said you have to stop when they’re red and can drive when they’re green!”
“I don’t know if I will remember that.” Senga says and laughs again. Nikaido thinks that he is extremely pretty like this.
“I can write it down for you.”
“That would be nice.”
Both of them keep silently grinning after that. It doesn't take long until they reach their goal, but instead of going directly for the wrapping counter, Senga is looking for somewhere to park.
“I thought you bought the bed already?” Nikaido asks.
“Yeah, but I want to go through the store. We still need some stuff for the apartment. Don’t worry, it won’t take long.”
“No problem,” Nikaido says and they get out of the car. Together they go to the entrance that leads to the display area of the furniture store.
Nikaido follows Senga who stops every now and then to look at some of the furniture. The rooms are decorated as if somebody actually lives there. They enter a modern living room, where a couple is sitting on a big sofa. Then they leave it through the second door and end up in a hallway. Senga starts to examine the shoe rack while Nikaido stops in front of a big mirror.
He looks tired, because he barely slept last night. He starts to fumble with his hair until its perfect again and smiles to his reflection.
“Fascinating such a mirror image, right?” He’s standing right behind Nikaido now, looks into the mirror too. His dark eyes are smiling and his beautiful lips are grinning.
“Not every mirror image.” Nikaido says and smiles too. Senga snorts and leaves him alone, going to the next room, yet another living room.
“Why don’t you like my self-confidence?” Nikaido asks with an earnest voice which surprises him too.
“I didn’t say that I don’t like your self-confidence, I just don’t like irresponsible people.”
“I’m not irresponsible!”
“You just don’t get it. Being responsible means to be attentive to the people around you. You know you look good and you know that parties and one night stands are your thing. But when you go out and you find somebody, even just for one night, you should think about the other person too! The other person has feelings and fears too! You never think about what your words and your actions could trigger other people. That’s responsibility, being sensitive and careful. Show consideration and watch out for the reactions of other people.”
They look at each other, and Senga’s expression is serious. Nikaido starts to grin ironically and grabs a pillow from the floor. He takes it and holds it in front of his face.
“What are you doing?” Senga asks, clearly annoyed.
“I’m protecting my eyes. Your halo is so dazzling, I’m going to be blind.” Senga doesn’t reply, just gets up from the sofa he is sitting on and leaving the room snorting and hissing angrily.
Nikaido sits down on the sofa instead, pretending to be sulking, and looks to the door that leads to the kitchen area. Senga is in, there making noises.
“What are you doing?” Nikaido asks him through the door. Senga is leaning against the kitchen counter, looking through a painted window that is showing a pretty winter scenery.
“I’m looking for a knife,” Senga mutters.
“Are you making me something to eat?”
“No. I want to commit a murder.”
“But then they will exclude you from heaven!”
Senga’s eyes glitter with anger. He comes closer to Nikaido and crosses his arms.
“You are such a kid! Why can’t you have a normal conversation once?”
“That isn’t a normal conversation, you were criticizing me all the time.” Nikaido says earnestly.
“I'm not criticizing you, it is just my opinion.”
Nikaido enters the kitchen too and sits down by a table set for two people. “I’m always telling them what I want and what they can expect from me, always,” he says and looks to Senga.
“You mean you make the rules and when they fall for you or getting their hopes up, it’s their own problem.” Senga sits down by the kitchen table too.
Nikaido shrugs and looks him into the eyes. “I’m a bad, bad person.”
“I didn’t say that,” Senga says and runs his fingers through his blond hair.
“But you think it.” Nikaido looks down and tries to breathe. His throat feels constricted.
“I don’t think you’re a bad person. You’re right, I don’t know you that well, but…” Senga starts to play with the glasses and plates on the table.
“Sometimes I think you don’t want to change your opinion of me. You don’t want to like me.”
“That’s bullshit!” Senga tries to sound disparaging, but his voice sounds nervous. “Why shouldn’t I want to like you?”
“No idea, I thought maybe you could explain it to me.”
“There’s nothing to explain,” Senga snarled. “And why is it this important to you? You aren't making an effort to persuade me to like you.”
“Yes I am! I'm making an effort, because I want you to like me, because I like you actually.”
Senga doesn’t say anything. His eyes are sparkling and his hands are shaking, but Nikaido can't understand why. “And which of your nasty comments should show me that?” he asks.
That hurts to hear. Nikaido nearly puts a hand on his own chest, because his heart feels broken. He gets up, leaves the kitchen through the door right next to the fridge and stops in a small bathroom.
Why did they have to argue today? They should have fun, but they touched topics which hurt them both. Nikaido looks into the mirror right above the sink. He is pale and looks hurt.
The door to the bathroom opens and Senga enters. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m brushing my teeth,” Nikaido answers and grabs a toothbrush from the sink.
“I’m sorry,” Senga whispers without looking at him.
“What do you mean?” Nikaido asks.
“My reaction was… mean,” he whispers and starts to fumble with the zipper on his jacket. “I just didn’t know how to…” His cheeks are bright red. “I’m really sorry.”
“Me too,” Nikaido says. “Sometimes I talk too fast and without thinking first. And then I don’t remember what I said, the more I talk the less I can remember.”
Senga looks up again. “And you’re thinking about yourself again. Even if you can’t remember what you said, the people who heard it won’t forget it so fast. You’re miles away already and they still have to think about it.” He leaves the bathroom through another door, closes it silently.
Nikaido leans his head against the cool tiles. Why is it getting even more difficult with every sentence? Senga should disappear. It was so much easier when he wasn't part of his life. But even if he would leave now, something would stay behind. He wants to be with him.
He decides to follow him through the door and enters a bright bedroom. The big painted window shows the same winter scenery as before with a rising sun. Senga is lying on the big bed, looking out of the window.
“Is the sun still rising?” Nikaido asks as he goes around the bed.
“Yeah…” Senga says.
“Takes a long time today.”
“Hmm…” Nikaido sits down on the other side of the bed.
“Take off your shoes,” Senga commands and Nikaido takes off his shoes instantly.
“Thank you for reminding me, I always forget to take them off and sleep with shoes on all night.” He’s lying down next to him and his back.
They lie there next to each other for a while without talking. And everything that is so complicated seems easy for a while.
“Senga?” Nikaido asks silently.
“Yes?”
“Are you sleeping already?”
Senga is laughing again. “Almost.”
“Shall I sing you a lullaby?” Nikaido looks over at him.
“Please don’t.” Senga’s eyes are closed. “Are you tired too?”
“Didn’t get much sleep last night.” Nikaido smiles.
“I feel like I've lived seven years without any sleep.” Senga sighs.
“I know I have that impact on people.”
Now Senga is grinning. “Yes…”
Nikaido watches him closely. “Tell me something about yourself, something you didn’t tell anybody before.”
“And here I thought we start with something easy, like my favorite color, or food.” Senga opens his eyes to look at him. “I love it when it has snowed and all the meadows are white. When I’m the first one to step on that white. That moment I feel kind of lonely, but like an adventurer too. And when I look back and see my footprints in the snow, I know that I am there. There you go, some silly and unimportant information about me.”
Nikaido feels a strong urge to touch him, to show him he’s not alone. “Senga?”
“Hmm?”
“I know everything I told you, and I don’t want to forget anything. I really meant what I said.”
Senga stays silent, nods and closes his eyes again.
Nikaido could bend over now, kiss him just like that. Kiss Senga’s red lips. It would be totally normal and feel so good. He wants to do it so badly, he never wanted to kiss somebody that badly until now. His heart beat is so fast.
“Do you remember? A few years ago, when we went to the furniture store to pick up a bed?” Nikaido asks, like he's making up a story about the two of them.
“Yes I remember. It was so long ago…” Senga says softly.
“When we went through the store and told each other stupid things, do you remember?
“Yes...”
Nikaido returns to an upright position and slips closer to Senga, adoring his pretty face.
“Do you remember that we were lying in a bed together?” Nikaido asks softly.
Senga just nods.
“And while we were laying there, we talked about snow and then… then I kissed you, do you remember?” Nikaido looks down on him, Senga’s eyes open, shining brightly. Then he nods again, only slightly.
Nikaido bends over him some more, his face timidly gets closer to Senga’s. He stops breathing, concentrating on Senga red lips, his heart is beating fast.
Senga closes his eyes and finally their lips touch. Nikaido kisses him carefully, as though he would disappear if he was too rough.
Senga’s fingers touch Nikaido’s cheek, caressing him softly, while Nikaido’s hands are buried in Senga’s hair. When Nikaido touches Senga’s bottom lip softy with his tongue, his whole body trembles. Then he parts his lips and their tongues are touching. Senga sighs silently, their kiss gets deeper and more demanding.
Senga’s hand are wandering from Nikaido’s cheeks to his chest, he’s pushing against it, gentle first, then firmer. He turns his head to the side and shoves Nikaido away, not roughly but pleading.
Both of them are breathing faster. Nikaido tries to catch Senga’s eyes but he doesn’t want to look at him. His cheeks are reddened, his lips are wet and he’s still trembling.
Nikaido wants to say something, he should say something but he keeps silent and so does Senga. He lays back down on his back and looks at the ceiling, listening to Senga’s breathing.
~*~
Hours later everything is still on Nikaido’s mind. He wants to remember everything clearly, the most beautiful kiss in his whole life. After the kiss they both left the furniture store without a word. They picked up the bed and loaded it into the truck without saying a word.
“Won’t you talk to me anymore?” Nikaido asks when they are done.
“I will…” Senga whispers.
“But…?”
“I can’t talk right now.”
“Okay.”
They get into the truck and Senga looks over to him. “Should I drive you home?”
“Don’t you need help with the bed?” Nikaido asks.
“I think Taisuke is home already…”
“Oh…” Nikaido doesn't want to see Fujigaya, is sure he can't look into his eyes after what happened between Senga and him. But when they arrive at the apartment, Fujigaya isn’t home yet.
In silence they carry the bed into the house, but Nikaido doesn’t want to see their shared apartment. He doesn’t want to see “their” kitchen, or “their” bedroom. So he stays in the hallway until Senga comes back.
They’re standing in front of each other, looking into each other’s eyes without saying a word. Senga’s eyes are shining with emotions full of warmth, despair, shame, concern but also happiness and desire. How can somebody’s eyes express so many different feelings?
Nikaido doesn’t want to leave, wants to stay with him but Senga interrupts his thoughts.
“So… see you…” he says.
“Hmm…” Nikaido answers halfheartedly but before he leaves the apartment he kisses Senga on his cheek. Senga looks scared for a moment, then he closes his eyes and blushes while Nikaido leaves him alone.
~*~
Nikaido tries to ignore everything the following days. He gets a lot of calls of his friends who wants him to help Fujigaya and Senga moving their stuff to the new apartment, but gladly he always finds an excuse. He doesn't want to meet them together, doesn't want to see Senga again.
But he isn’t prepared to meet him just like that in the city, while he is shopping for his first Christmas gifts. He is just standing there in front of him, looking scared and as if he wants to run away.
Nikaido goes closer slowly . “Kenpi… don’t run away.”
Senga looks surprised after hearing that nickname. “What?”
“We can’t run away from each other all the time. You wanted to go inside this shop? Me too, so we can go together.” Nikaido sounds much calmer than he feels inside.
Silently they get into the shop and start looking around. Both of them are aware that they had to talk about what happened but neither of them wants to start.
They leave the shop without buying anything and walk together for a while. It is cold already and Senga is freezing.
“It was a mistake..” he says suddenly.
“A mistake?”
“The kiss… it was a mistake. I’m in a relationship and Taisuke is your friend too, it's wrong.”
Nikaido’s heart hurts badly and he needs a moment to calm it down. “But I liked it… the kiss. I really liked it.” Senga looks over to him, but doesn’t say a word. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Yes, but that’s not what’s important!”
“Of course it’s important!”
“No, the only important thing is that we hurt Taisuke!”
“But he doesn’t know about it,” Nikaido says coldly.
“No… but…” Senga sighs. “I think I have to tell him.”
“You want to tell him about it?”
“Yes…” Senga’s voice is shaking. “I have to… I should have done it before we moved in together, but…” He stops. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him that it's you, I will lie to him and tell him that it was someone at a party, it will be hard enough already.”
“Why do you want to tell him then?”
“Because honesty and faithfulness are the most important parts of a relationship!” he says angrily.
Nikaido snorts loudly. “Faithfulness? I’m such an idiot for believing all the time, that love is the most important part in a relationship…”
Senga glares at him. “Sure, but without faithfulness there’s no love.”
“Wow look at that, I’m really learning something new today. I always thought it should be the other way, without love no faithfulness.”
Without another word Senga leaves him, but Nikaido follows.
“Don’t you like my theories about love, faithfulness and relationships? Or do you hate the fact that I told you that our kiss was nice?”
Senga stops suddenly and looks up to him. “I hate that you make fun of my principles,” he says angrily. “I am always faithful to my partner and treat them with respect and honesty.”
“How romantic,” Nikaido scoffs.
“It is romantic!” Senga answers. “What does romance mean to you?”
“Desire, lust, passion,” Nikaido counts.
“I don’t know what you believe passion is, but you need honesty and faithfulness to trust somebody. And with trust there’s true passion, because I can only give myself to somebody I trust and that’s the true passion!” Senga starts walking again.
Nikaido stays and looks to the ground. “Kenpi… why did we kiss?”
Senga looks back to him. “It is because of the mood between us two.”
Nikaido steps up to him and their bodies nearly touch each other. “Kenpi… if Fujigaya wasn't your partner… would you go on a date with me?”
Senga winces and looks right into Nikaido’s eyes. “Yes… but I know it wouldn’t work out between us...” his voice is getting quiet at the end of the sentence. He sounds sad.
~*~
A few days later Nikaido is home when his phone is ringing. “Yes?”
“Nika, its Watta…”
“What’s up?”
“You need to come here, something happened and we need to talk.” Nikaido instantly gets a weird feeling about this.
“What happened?”
“Just come here, then we’ll tell you. And please… hurry up.”
They hang up and 20 minutes later Nikaido is in front of Yokoo’s apartment. He feels sick and is afraid that maybe his friends found out what happened.
He is shocked when the person who opens the door for him isn’t Yokoo but Fujigaya, who looks like a mess. “Hey, thank you for coming...” Fujigaya says and they step into the apartment.
In the living room Yokoo is sitting next to Kitayama. They welcome him, but the mood is dark and sulky.
“The reason I wanted to talk to you is Kento…” Fujigaya sighs and turns the cup with hot tea in his hands after he sits down again.
“Did he have an accident?” Kitayama asked alarmed.
Fujigaya scoffs bitterly. “No, he’s in great physical condition.” He sighs again. “He told me he kissed another guy.” His voice sounds harsh.
Yokoo and Kitayama are looking surprised while Nikaido examines the pattern on the cushions.
“Is that true?” Yokoo is the first to speak again.
“No, I just made a joke, funny isn’t it?” Fujigaya says sarcastically. “Sorry… I’m not myself at the moment.”
“When did this happen?” Kitayama asks.
“A few days ago, on Sunday I think. He was out with some friends.”
“And the other guy?” Yokoo asks, still shocked.
“Just some guy he met there, he said he didn’t know him.” Everybody keeps silent. Nikaido tries to look shocked too. He feels uncomfortable and just wants to leave.
“Okay, tell us exactly what happened.” Kitayama says finally.
“Kento wanted to talk with me yesterday. He was really nervous and anxious… when I think about it, he has been like that for a few days already, but I thought it was because we just moved in together and because of the stress.” Fujigaya runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m such an idiot, I should have noticed it much earlier…”
“Stop blaming yourself for it!” Kitayama says angrily. “Do you want to blame yourself for not being suspicious enough thinking your boyfriend cheats on you?”
“No...” Fujigaya says. “But I should have noticed that something is bothering him.”
“Poor guy…” Yokoo hums. “Cheating is such a bother.”
Nikaido feels angry inside. They shouldn’t talk bad about Senga. They weren’t there, they don’t know what it was like, how they felt and that there was nothing dirty about that kiss. That moment has been so intense, affectionate, warm, pure and honest.
“After that he started crying and told me he was dancing with this guy in the club and kissed him at the end…”
“Did he say anything about the guy?”
“Nothing much, he was just there, unimportant.”
Nikaido felt sick. Is he really that unimportant? Didn’t Senga feel anything for him?
“He said he drank too much alcohol that night.” Fujigaya whispers.
“Sure…” Yokoo spits. “He’s totally not at fault because he was drunk.”
“He didn’t say that as an excuse, it was just a part of his explanation…”
“And what is the other part?” Kitayama asks.
“He said that he panicked. It was too much for him, that we moved in together so fast, the stress and everything else…”
Yokoo sighs and Fujigaya notices it. “Don’t lecture me again!”
“I won’t lecture you again, but I told you that it was way too fast. You've only known each other for a few months and I guess Senga noticed that too.”
“But he is the one who wanted to move in together! He was so happy, why should we wait when we know that it fits? There are a lot of pairs who move in together after years and then break up after a few weeks because they can’t live together.”
“But it’s not about relationships in general, it’s about you and Senga.” Kitayama says and Yokoo feels approved.
“As I told you, you moved in together way too fast.” They stay silent again until Fujigaya looks to Nikaido. “What do you think? You didn’t say anything until now.”
“What do you want to hear?”
“What?” Fujigaya asks confused.
“What do you want to hear? What should I tell you? Do you want me to tell you to break up with him? Or do you want me to tell you it’s not that bad and you should forgive him?”
Fujigaya looks at him shocked and shakes his head angrily. “I just want you all to be by my side as my friends, not for you to act like assholes!”
“Okay…” Nikaido says. “And as a friend I’m listening to your problems and keep quiet.”
“Do you think that is supporting me? What’s up with you?”
“As your friend I’m supporting all your decisions and think it’s the right one.”
“Is it really too much to ask for your opinion? What would you do if you would be in this situation?”
“No idea..” Nikaido admits. “But maybe Senga wouldn’t kiss another guy if I would be the one dating him.”
Fujigaya looks so angry that Yokoo goes over to him to calm him down. “What Nika wants to say is, that we’re your friends. We support your decision, but you have to make this decision by yourself. We don’t know Senga that well, you have to decide how you want to react to this confession and if he is honest.”
“Understand..” Fujigaya scoffs. “I just don’t understand it. Faithfulness is so important to Kento. He is shocked himself about what he did.”
Yokoo hugs him lightly. “Do you think you can forgive him?”
“I don’t think he would do it again. He was drunk and he doesn’t want to see this guy again. He is being honest to me and felt remorse plus…. I love him.”
“And he loves you too?” Yokoo asks.
“He told me so and I believe him.”
“Then you should forgive him.” Kitayama continues. “He’s just a human being and can make mistakes.” Fujigaya nods and smiles a bit.
“Okay, catastrophe successfully averted!” Kitayama smiles and looks over to Nikaido. He smiles too, even though his heart hurts awfully.
The rest of the evening is much more relaxed. They talk about stupid stuff and make stupid jokes. Even though Nikaido joins the conversations, smiles with them and makes jokes, he has to admit that for a short moment he felt hope.
Hope to get a chance, hope to replace Fujigaya and be by Senga’s side.
Part 2