je_united gift fic for akairen
Lovely fic for akairen
Title: Sorry seems to be the hardest word
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: R
Warnings: Some making out, nakedness, language
Summary: Sho has grown used to the fact that Jun keeps being distant towards him - so much so, that when he realizes that suddenly Jun is getting more open towards him and even approaching him again, Sho is confused, but inclined to follow the lead.
Notes: I really hope that you will like it. I had a lot of fun writing it. This one arose from wondering how Sho and Jun’s relationship might have developed and why.
It had started slowly, unimposingly, like spring embracing the lands with a few more sunny minutes every day, the greens beginning to peak out delicately without you even noticing it until the first blossoms begin to bud. Later Sho wasn’t sure when it really started, but he knew exactly when he had started to notice. It was after the filming of just another episode of Anishi, they were sitting together in their dressing room, just chatting and enjoying the rest of the catering and it was a move as simple as can be, Jun clasping his shoulder just lightly as he walked by - a light touch, lasting no more than a second. Even so, that light brush touched something inside of Sho, it felt warm, tingly, soothing somehow. From then he started to be very aware of the things that Jun did around him, checking if there would be more moments of closeness.
Unexpectedly he found that the younger man actually kept seeking his presence, sitting close to him during meetings, getting Sho to stand next to him on stage and repeatedly initiating physical contact. Nothing much, just light touches, or teasing pokes, but Jun had not done any of these things in years. After a while the change struck Sho as very severe, but he decided to invite it whenever he could. He began to answer calls of Jun inviting him to get playful together, they got back to having inside jokes among each other, it felt wonderfully light and joyful to be around Jun and have fun together. It came to the point where Sho decided to try his luck getting flirty and see whether Jun would allow him in his space like that.
The two of them were sitting at a café together with Aiba and Kazama, who had visited them during their CM recording.
“It really looks delicious,” Sho said, eyeing the shortcake Jun was eating.
“I told you that you could have it,” Jun shrugged. “But you just had to insist that I take the last piece.”
Aiba chuckled. “Sho-chan’s such a gentleman.”
“Just that now he keeps prying until he gets what he wants,” Kazama grinned.
“I’m not prying,” Sho opposed. “But well, I’m afraid I can’t deny that I do want a piece of that.”
His heart was pounding as he pointed right at Jun’s face before he led his finger to Jun’s lips, where a dot of whipped cream was visible just in the corner of his mouth. Sho touched the spot, swiping off the cream and brought his finger back to his mouth, licking the sweet treat off. He gave a daring smile as Jun stared at him for a moment, clearly trying to figure out how to react. Inside his stomach was doing back-flips. How was Jun going to react? Would he be upset? Confused? Playful?
“Woah.”
Aiba’s gasp cut into the silence before Jun could even react. Next to him Kazama sat, looking strained.
“Well,” Jun dragged out, his face unreadable. “Sho-kun sure knows how to get what he wants. A problem only occurs when he doesn’t know what he wants.”
“I do know it,” Sho stated firmly.
“Is that so?” Jun asked, tilting his head slightly. “But even though you obviously wanted that cake, you refrained from claiming it.”
“I did just now,” Sho offered.
Jun shook his head, though. “You can’t first cast it aside and then later try to claim it for yourself.”
“I couldn’t help it,” Sho explained. “It called out to me… sitting on your lips like that.”
“So if it’s calling, you’ll answer?” Jun asked.
“Of course,” Sho grinned. “I love sweet tastes, you know that.”
“Hm,” Jun hummed out. “What if another taste calls out to you?”
“I can’t think of anything that might taste sweeter than what comes off your lips.”
Jun looked baffled at that.
“Ah, Aiba-chan, look at the time,” Kazama stuttered out. “I still have to get to that store to pick up… you know… my stuff.”
Aiba gave him a pointed look. “Do you think it’s okay to…”
“Come on, let’s get the car,” Kazama urged, already getting up and dragging Aiba along. “Thank you for having us today,” he said directed at Jun and Sho, giving a shallow bow of his head. “See you.”
“Ah, talk to you later,” Aiba muttered as Kazama dragged him off.
Suddenly Sho felt stupidly nervous being alone with Jun. What would happen now?
“Are you very sure you want to do this?” Jun asked, looking straight at him.
“Do what?” Sho asked back.
Jun rolled his eyes. “You know what. You’re flirting.”
“I am. But you gave me every reason to think that it’s okay.”
Jun actually smiled at that. “So you noticed. I wasn’t sure if you’d pick it up.”
“You stopping to ignore my existence?” Sho teased. “Would have been hard to miss.”
“It’s not like that,” Jun protested.
“But you got a lot more accessible lately,” Sho pointed out. “I like that.”
“So I’ve noticed,” Jun chuckled. His face turned rather stern again soon, though. “I’m just not sure… are you simply testing waters? Or do you mean it?”
“Well, I’m not entirely sure where I’m standing with you right now,” Sho explained. “But as for me, I do mean it.”
“In that case,” Jun said, a teasing smile on his lips, “I’ll let you know where you’re standing.”
“Okay,” Sho nodded.
“Soon,” Jun stated, clearly enjoying his upper hand position.
“The least I should have to suffer through,” Sho offered. “Having to stay in the dark waiting for your answer. May I just… Will you tell me what happened?”
Jun shook his head. “I need to think some things through. I’ll let you in on everything you need to know.”
“Okay,” Sho agreed with a nod. “I’ll be waiting.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Weeks passed and Sho and Jun basically only continued their new open attitude towards each other. Jun did not approach the topic of their status again and Sho was determined not to push, even though the insecurity was killing him at times. He knew he had to be patient, though. Pressing the point might piss Jun off and that was the last thing Sho wanted to do. He waited and while he did he enjoyed the little things he could enjoy without rising any suspicions. Then again, it seemed rather random when Jun finally let him know that he was ready to proceed from their current position. They had gotten comfortable, casual around each other.
Sho was pretty sure that the others had also noticed the change by now, but while nobody said a word about it, they seemed to accept it joyfully. Sho was grateful for both the silence and the acceptance but he also understood that the others were waiting for the appointment of a new direction. Much like himself. It was after a regular magazine photo shoot that Sho finally got his cue - along with everyone else, as Jun made his move. Sho had just made himself comfortable on the sofa in the green room, picking up the newspaper he had been reading earlier. Everybody else was still changing back into their own stuff, pretty much minding their own business. Then, basically out of the blue, as soon as Jun was done, without saying a word, he approached Sho, giving him one intense look before settling down.
Sho froze in his seat, his eyes growing wide. Jun had easily slipped onto his lap, arms draped loosely around his neck.
“Jun…” Sho muttered, “What… are you doing?”
Jun blinked his beautiful eye-lashes at him.
“Making myself comfortable,” he informed Sho.
“Okay…” Sho answered warily.
“What?” Jun asked. “You mind it?”
“Nah. Bet Sho-chan is rather already fighting down a hard-on,” Nino teased.
“Ninomiya-kun, that is incredibly crude,” Sho commented simply.
He got a curious look from his bandmate, because Sho would usually burst out at being provoked in such a way. But right then and there Sho couldn’t have cared less, he was not going to react in any way that might have Jun move as much as an inch away from him.
Nino laughed at the remark.
“Wow, not even denying it,” he kept pressing.
That earned Nino quite a glare, but Sho easily got distracted by Jun’s breath tickling his ear as the younger man whispered to him.
“He’s just jealous.”
Sho couldn’t help it, he shuddered at the closeness, at the sudden intimacy between him and Jun, something he hadn’t experienced in so long it simply utterly overwhelmed him. He could feel the grin forming on Jun’s lips, the young man showing off how much he enjoyed the reactions he could elicit. That had Sho steel himself a little, but he made no move to detach Jun from his form.
“Awwww,” Aiba made as he saw the pair of them. “You two look so cute.”
“Sure do,” Ohno agreed. “I so don’t understand why you guys never started dating.”
An awkward silence followed that statement. Nino moved over to slap Ohno on the back of his head.
“What are you saying such stupid stuff for?” he berated his friend.
“What?!” Ohno pouted. “Aiba-chan said they’re a cute couple too.”
“We’re not a couple,” Jun opposed.
He detached himself from Sho, who wanted to get up and slap Ohno as well. Jun hadn’t gotten anywhere near him in about a decade and of course his most of the time oblivious friend just had to ruin that for him.
“I still don’t understand,” Ohno merely shrugged. “Why you can’t be a couple.”
Jun gave Sho a wary look. “Neither do I,” he muttered.
With that he got up and left for the shower. Sho couldn’t help craning his neck to stare after Jun as he slid through the door, Sho’s breath somewhere between caught and coming out in gasps. His head was spinning so bad he jumped in surprise as Nino flopped down right next to him, staring after Jun as well, but then turning his attention towards Sho.
“What was that?” he asked.
“I have no idea,” Sho admitted. “He’s never done anything like that in years. He never so much as sat on the same surface as me, let alone… this.”
“So, what happened?” Nino urged.
Sho gave him an awkward look. “What do you mean, what happened?”
“Oh come on,” Nino dragged out. His voice dropped a notch as he continued. “Just between the two of us, really, what happened?”
“I have no idea,” Sho told him plainly.
“There’s got to be a reason why Jun is getting so… cuddly,” Nino insisted.
“That’s exactly what I’m thinking, but really, I’m at a loss,” Sho shrugged.
“Something must have happened,” Nino kept pressing. “Did you fuck?”
Sho flushed furiously. “What are you thinking, suggesting such a thing?” When Nino merely raised an eye-brow at him, Sho shook his head firmly. “No. Nothing happened.”
“Well, I’m not good at reading signs, but that guy in there clearly wants you to make a move,” Nino commented.
“He really does, doesn’t he?” Sho mused. “But why now?”
“If you don’t know, I can’t help you there,” Nino shrugged. “But if I were you, I’d answer the call.”
Sho nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “So… take him out to dinner?”
Nino rolled his eyes. “That’s what you do when you meet someone and start dating. You two have known each other for decades.”
“So, what do you suggest, then?” Sho wanted to know.
Nino gaped at him. “Are you stupid? The man of your dreams is in there, naked, wet, and he all but dared you to do something about it. I say go for it. I’ll handle the kids.”
“You mean going in there?” Sho asked, in disbelief.
“Why not?” Nino asked right back. “It’s a good shot, I say. And an easy one too.” He grinned. “Your prey can’t escape easily.”
“I don’t know what you’re thinking now,” Sho muttered, “but Jun’s not easy.”
Nino gave him a pained look. “Oh my god, you’re gonna fuck it up. For goodness sake, it’s not that difficult. Just go in there and get a bit friendly.”
Sho still looked skeptical. “You think?”
“Just go already,” Nino urged. “I’ll take the others and leave. Just call me when you’re done.”
“Right,” Sho mumbled.
He felt his heart starting to beat faster and for a second he was shocked as he realized that he actually meant to really take action. It was still unclear to him what kind of action that would be exactly, but he knew, he felt that Nino was right, he had to do something. Before he could scare himself out of it by going through all kinds of possible fails he got up and already started to undress as he headed for the shower stalls. He could hear faint voices in the green room behind him, but his mind blended out any details that could distract him. By the time Sho was in the changing area he was already almost naked. Of course, he draped everything neatly on one of the benches as he finished undressing - there had to be time for that.
Steam was evaporating from the stall that Jun was occupying and Sho halted for a moment, doubting his strategy - well, he didn’t really have one, but in that moment he found that simply opening the door and slipping in might not be such a good idea, after all. But then, he figured, what was the worst thing that could happen? Jun could just kick him out and go back to being distant. Nothing much lost. So Sho nodded to himself once, determinedly - and kept standing just there, naked, feeling as insecure as he had when he first discovered all the feelings Jun could evoke in him. He took one deep breath, closing his eyes for a second, wanting his body to move, wanting to be close to Jun again, as close as they had been just a few minutes ago. The steel of the door knob felt surprisingly cool against his skin as he grabbed it with sweaty hand, but it gave way easily and the second later he was in a steaming shower stall, Jun’s naked wet back turned towards his person, the view leaving him breathless. After getting himself to get in, he stood there again, frozen. Of course Jun felt his presence and turned around to face him. His eyes glittered playfully as he took in Sho’s form.
“Aren’t you the daredevil,” he stated plainly.
“You made me think that it would be okay,” Sho muttered helplessly.
Jun raised a single brow at him. “So it’s my fault you’re assaulting me in the shower?”
“I’m not…” Sho protested. “What about you? You sat on my lap.”
Jun grinned impishly at him. “I did, didn’t I?” He reached out for Sho, running his hands up his torso, before linking them loosely behind Sho’s neck. “Did you like it?”
“J-Jun,” Sho breathed out.
“Hm?”
“I… don’t know what to do,” Sho admitted helplessly.
“Well you came in here,” Jun said sinfully. “Wasn’t there something you wanted to do?”
“A million things,” Sho blurted out. He felt like an idiot, standing there, naked, blushing like a fool, unable to really make his point, but he was feeling only mildly disturbed by it. Having Jun close, feeling the warmth of his wet skin on his body was enough to put up with anything. Jun’s lips were glistening just in front of him, tempting him, calling out to him, but Sho still felt confused, unable to wrap his mind around the situation.
“Why?” he whispered. “Why? Why are you… allowing me in here? Why are you so inviting? I don’t understand.”
Jun smiled at him. “You don’t have to for now.”
But Sho shook his head, panic suddenly surging through his body.
“What if you take it away again suddenly?” he asked. “If this is just a whim, if it’s just a mood… I couldn’t handle that.”
Jun’s eyes cleared out a bit. He looked like he was sobering up from… something and Sho wanted to scream, to slap himself, dammit, why hadn’t he just kiss him?!
“You’re right,” Jun sighed out, retreating from Sho’s body. “If something goes array again, we might mess everything up.”
“No. No,” Sho protested. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… this is not the time and place for discussion. Let’s just… can we go back about twenty seconds?”
Jun gave him a helpless smile. “And then what?”
Sho’s mind couldn’t even follow his actions as he surged forward and grabbed Jun’s face with his hand. He smashed their lips together almost forcefully, feeling Jun’s lips plush, bit firm against his own. Finally. FINALLY. He heard a low moan, like from a distance, not knowing if it was his own, or Jun’s - not that he cared. Jun’s lips softened against his and they started an awkward play. They were both too eager, too unsettled to actually make it a good kiss, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Nothing but the act of it, even when it was sloppy and just slightly gross when their saliva started mixing outside their mouths, Sho was certain they were both drooling, but yet equally reluctant to break contact. When Jun couldn’t take it anymore, gagging rather unattractively, they let up, standing there, messy and not exactly sexy and yet Sho could think of nothing but how bad he wanted to continue. He gasped out loud when he felt Jun’s hand colliding rather violently with his left cheek. Bringing his hand up to soothe the sting he gave Jun a bewildered look.
“That’s so you know that you always, always have to ask permission,” Jun told him.
Sho opened his mouth to argue, but he broke off the attempt. He couldn’t really deny that he had just surprised Jun by practically jumping him despite the fact that Jun had voiced his doubts.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered instead.
Jun’s eyes shone warmly as they took in his form. Sho was starting to feel slightly cold, with no clothes on, his body slightly wet, but again detached from Jun and unable to reach the soothingly warm stream of water that Jun’s back was still enjoying. Jun reached out a hand and grabbed Sho’s forearm, pulling him closer to the comforting warmth.
“You say that a lot lately,” Jun commented, slightly amused.
Sho blinked at him.
“That you’re sorry,” Jun clarified. He flashed Sho another smile. “It’s okay now.”
Sho bit his lip, unsure how to proceed from there. His cheek still stung from Jun’s blow, but his lips still tingled from their kiss as well.
“So… is it okay if I kiss you now?”
Jun chuckled at that. “Once I’ve allowed something, you don’t have to ask again.”
Sho nodded in understanding, trying to keep his calm, yet his heart was racing as he decided to aim for gold.
“Let’s say I want to kiss something other than your mouth,” he blurted out. “Then…?”
“Something like?” Jun wanted to know.
“Your neck,” Sho answered readily.
“I would like that,” Jun told him.
Sho groaned, immediately attaching his lips to Jun’s neck, kissing it eagerly, open-mouthed, wet kisses and he loved how Jun fit his body against him.
“What else do you want to kiss?” Jun gasped.
“Your nipples,” Sho muttered against Jun’s skin. “Your navel. All of you.”
“Oh yeah,” Jun moaned.
“Would you like that?” Sho asked, already ducking his head to lick a pink nipple.
“Yes,” Jun gasped. “Yes.”
“Oh my god, Jun,” Sho sighed.
“What else?” Jun demanded.
“I want to suck you,” Sho answered readily. “Suck you off, feel your balls.”
Jun moaned, loud and long, signaling his eagerness. He started to rub against Sho, they were both hard and needy and equally willing to rush through Sho’s list quickly.
“More,” Jun urged.
“Lick your hole,” Sho burst out, already in a kind of frenzy. “Fuck you. Damn, I want to fuck you so bad.”
That earned him a grin from Jun. “I know.”
“May I?” Sho asked as he pushed Jun against the wall and got to his knees.
Jun shook his head, though. “Not now. Not in here. The sucking sounds nice, though, if you please.”
Sho grinned up at him and casually grasped Jun’s length. He had expected to be nervous doing something like that, but he found that there was no room for anxious feelings inside him. He quickly brought the hard flesh to his lips, licking and nipping at it to learn its texture. It was warm, pulsing, growing further in his hand, bending in a way that made it difficult for Sho to reach the head, but he gently bent it at the base to get easier access. He looked up at Jun as he took the head into his mouth, sucking at it right away.
“Fuck,” Jun burst out. “You look so good doing that.”
His hand came to the side of Sho’s head, giving him some support. Sho hummed his enjoyment, his eyes still on Jun’s as he took in more, starting to bob his head. His hand was still grasping the base of Jun’s cock, holding it in place. His tongue started to stroke the length inside his mouth in turns with the insistent sucks he gave. Soon Sho was drooling, the sounds of his efforts echoing through the shower stall.
“Damn,” Jun muttered.
His fingers were gripping Sho’s hair tightly as he got lost in the throws of his passion. His breath was already coming out in gasps and his hips bucked forward involuntarily, whenever Sho brushed that one spot with his tongue.
“You’re so good,” Jun praised. “Yeah, that’s it, keep going…”
Hearing Jun urge him on had Sho pick up on his efforts. Who cared if it lasted only minute or two? He had Jun gasping, moaning, his fingers shaking in Sho’s hair, his dick pulsing in his mouth. He changed his pattern from long, intense sucks to short strong ones and Jun gasped. His second hand grasped onto Sho as well and after making sure to slip out just a bit he started to fuck Sho’s mouth. There were no complaints from Sho, he let Jun do as he pleased, holding onto the base of the cock as it kept sliding back and forth between his lips, causing friction that had Sho hum again at the intensity of it.
“Yeah, just like that,” Jun gasped out. “Oh my god, Sho. Please, deeper.”
Sho answered the call readily, letting Jun slide in deeper again, but at the same time bringing his free hand up to restrain the demanding hips from pushing forward. Instead he intensified his noisy sucks while the back and forth movement almost ceased on his part as well.
“Oh yeah, that’s it,” Jun moaned. “Suck me off. Suck me… damn, I’m gonna come.”
Sho could feel the additional swelling, could taste the heavy foreboding scent and trusting Jun not to gag him he shifted his hand from Jun’s hips to grasping his balls, playing them, massaging them until he felt them getting tight and he readied himself. Jun’s thighs were shaking slightly and he grew completely rigid and silent, but the short gasping breaths that were bursting from his lungs. Just a few seconds later a short gasping grunt could be heard and Sho felt Jun’s seed shooting out and right into his mouth. He made sure he got everything, letting Jun empty himself completely, before he carefully pulled back, his hand stroking Jun to give him a comfortable down. Sho looked back up at Jun, finding his eyes on his form, eyes gleaming and cheeks flushed, his breath still coming irregularly. Had he been able too, Sho would have grinned. Instead he made a show of swallowing down everything that Jun had given him. Jun merely blinked his eyes at him several times, showing his appreciation. Sho then proceeded to nuzzle Jun’s crotch a bit more, nudging sensitive areas gently with nose and lips before he slowly left off and got back onto his feet.
“Thanks,” Jun whispered, once they were face to face again.
“Pleasure,” Sho assured him. “Is it okay?” he asked, his hand already grasping his own aching length.
Jun shook his head, though. “No, let me.”
With that he grasped Sho’s dick, pulling at it insistently. It didn’t take too much, Sho had already been at the brink himself. Just a number of good strokes and Sho’s dick pulsed, a low sob wrenching itself from his gaping mouth, lost against Jun’s neck as Sho buried his face against it, getting lost in Jun’s scent as he came, dirtying Jun’s hand.
“Hah,” Jun sighed, satisfied at the feeling.
They remained like that for a moment, but as soon as the big high ebbed away, Sho could feel the water that had turned cold on them hitting him uncomfortably and his protesting knees that were screaming at him for his stupid act. Sho couldn’t have cared less in that moment, but he could think of a number of more comfortable places to be.
“Get out of here?” Jun asked.
Sho nodded, detaching himself from Jun. When their eyes met, they both felt awkward. Their act hadn’t been very well thought through and the backlash was hitting them right on.
“I… let’s get dressed,” Sho suggested.
“Good idea,” Jun agreed. “How about we head to my place, then?”
Sho nodded again. He knew they needed to get things straight and while he was still nervous about it, he honestly hoped that things would work out well for them. They didn’t talk much as they got dressed and got to Jun’s car. Along the way they did some insignificant small talk, which was unnerving, but better than the nerve-wracking silence. It seemed to take forever for them to arrive at Jun’s place. Once they were there Jun invited Sho right into the living room and, naturally, being a good host offered a drink.
“Later,” Sho told him. “At least for me. Feel free to help yourself.”
Jun shook his head. “No, I just… I want to get this over with too.”
He sat down on the big sofa next to Sho, looking at him with warm eyes.
“You really don’t know,” he muttered. “You don’t know what changed.”
“You did,” Sho shrugged. “Or rather, your attitude.”
“But you don’t know why,” Jun kept pressing.
“No, I have no idea,” Sho let him know. “And I’ve been wracking my head trying to find an answer.”
“Well, what do you know,” Jun grinned. “The ever-so-intelligent university graduate doesn’t get it.”
“Can’t understand everything,” Sho stated. “And I’ve always found your person pretty hard to understand. But now, care to tell me what exactly happened?”
Jun nodded at him.
“It’s actually pretty simple,” he said. “You apologized.”
Sho blinked. “Sorry, what?”
“For what you did, for the way you acted when I had that crush on you. I had already almost given up hope that you ever will, but somehow, suddenly you apologized.”
“What do you mean?” Sho asked, frowning. “I apologized for it a lot. Repeatedly.”
Jun shook his head, though. “No, you didn’t. Not once, actually. “And that’s not saying that you never tried to show that you regretted how things went. But you never actually said it. You never said that you were sorry.”
“No, that’s not possible,” Sho muttered, shaking his head. “You must be wrong.”
“I’m not,” Jun insisted. “I wish I was, but… I noticed a few days after… well, you know. You kept avoiding me and then, when you came around to apologize, which I was waiting for, really, you never said you were sorry. That is, you never said the words. Well, you said many things and of course I understood what you meant. You were feeling remorseful, I could see that. But honestly? After doing that to me, I found that I deserved the words spoken out.”
“You did,” Sho agreed. “You do. I… never? Really, I never said it?”
Jun shook his head. “I kept waiting. I always took your words in very carefully. It never came - until that Wednesday a few weeks ago.”
Sho considered Jun for a long while. Then he sighed deeply.
“This is…” he broke off, blinking at Jun. “That Wednesday?”
Jun nodded. “Don’t you remember?”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*flashback*
“I’m really sorry.”
The words echoed in Jun’s ear. He stared at Sho. They had been sitting, talking about old times. All five of them, going to have dinner after their PV recording. They didn’t do these things too regularly, all of them having other friends they enjoyed getting to see every now and then, but on certain occasions it was nice doing something together that was not directly work related. So they had gotten their food and drinks and Jun wasn’t even sure when Sho had somehow detached him from the group, but they had been sitting at the far end of the table together for a while and talking about all sorts of things, how things were, how things used to be and somehow that topic had come up. Their little “experiment”, during which Jun had found out that he really liked Sho a lot and Sho had decided that liking Jun was not a good idea for many reasons. Sadly he had come to that conclusion only after they had shared a number of intimacies. Jun did not like that topic. He didn’t like to think about it. Sho must have caught his try to quickly change the subject and then he had suddenly, unexpectedly thrown those words at Jun:
“I’m really sorry.”
Jun stared. “What?”
Sho’s eyes shone with true regret. “I’m sorry for… for how things went back then. I know it was a dick-move. I don’t even… I don’t know. Today I can’t even understand what I did, why I… I really don’t know. I must have been pretty messed up. Not that I’m trying to make excuses. Just…”
“But you just said it,” Jun interrupted him.
Sho blinked. “I said what?”
“You said it,” Jun stated evenly, “that you are sorry. So, you are making an excuse.”
Sho frowned at little. “You know, that’s not… it, exactly. I’m apologizing. Making an excuse means that you try to make someone understand why you did something. You’re going to sympathy. When you apologize, you simply show that you regret doing something, because you know that it was wrong.”
Jun nodded in understanding. “So you think that what you did was wrong.”
“Of course,” Sho nodded.
“So you apologized,” Jun mused.
“Exactly.”
“Because you regret it,” Jun concluded.
“I do,” Sho told him, eyes shining warmly. “I know I cannot truly make up for it. But it’s all I can do to let you know that… well, I’m sorry.”
Jun nodded. “I understand,” he muttered.
His voice was steady, but inside, a whirlwind of emotions broke loose.
*end flashback*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“You have no idea how happy I was,” Jun told Sho with a smile. “Hearing you say that… You might think it’s childish, being particular about the wording. And you did… before… I mean, you said many things. You said how stupid you were and how you had been acting inconsiderately, then stuff like if you could go back and change things, et cetera, et cetera. But never before had you said that you’re actually sorry and I could not…”
“You could not forgive me,” Sho finished the sentence. “Because I never apologized.”
Jun chuckled. “Oh, I’ve forgiven you. I had to. Had I had kept holding a grudge for too long, we wouldn’t have worked out as a group the way we did. So, I told myself that it’s okay to forgive you, even if you could not say the words. But I could not like you anymore. Not the way I used to. So, it was best to keep my distance. But…”
“But?”
Jun smiled shyly. “I never stopped waiting to get to hear it. I was hoping that one day you would actually say it.”
Sho looked at him for a long while, just taking in the man in front of him.
“It’s not childish,” he finally said. “You absolutely deserved the words. And you’re right to be particular about it, because saying that you’re sorry takes a kind of strength and courage that you need to muster. I wonder if I truly didn’t realize it, or simply didn’t find the strength to say it properly.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know that,” Jun said, a smile on his face. “I’m just glad that you finally said it. I hadn’t even realized how much strength and concentration it still took me to keep things up between us. When you said the words it was like a weight lifted from my chest. And once this… gap between us wasn’t there anymore, I just… I stupidly headed right for you. Of course, that was rash and naïve. I didn’t even know I still had that in me.”
“I was surprised when you started to get playful,” Sho told him. “But pleasantly so. I just couldn’t understand… But of course, with this story, I absolutely understand now.”
Jun averted his eyes, getting nervous again. “Still, I let things get out of hand. I’ve got to admit that I did not foresee your stunt in the shower.”
“Nino made me,” Sho accused his friend.
Jun laughed at that. “Okay, well yeah, I guess with his signature on it, the act gives a more shapely picture.”
“It’s not like I regret it,” Sho let Jun know.
“That’s nice to hear,” Jun smiled. “But even so… What do we do now? I mean, what do we want to make of this? We made out before we even had any kind of serious conversation. And it felt good. But there are still so many questions that need to be answered. Issues to be cleared up.”
Sho nodded. “There’s a point.”
“I mean, this… we had this… thing… many years ago. Is it still the same? Is it okay, if it’s not? Do we even want to pursue anything serious?”
“Stop, stop,” Sho interrupted. “I agree, there’s a lot to consider and a lot to talk about. But I don’t think we can go through everything right now.”
“So, what do you suggest?” Jun asked.
“I think it would be a good idea for both of us to say what they feel right now and what kind of direction they want to go. With that we can see whether we see things similarly.”
“Okay,” Jun nodded. “Well, obviously I’m madly, stupidly in love with you. After such a long time. I’ve kept pushing it away, but at the first opportunity my feelings got the better of me. That’s got to mean something, right? I… I do want to see if this can be a thing. But just to be clear, I’m talking relationship now. I’ve done the sex thing and it’s gotten boring. Plus, what I really want is your affection, I want us to share emotionally, not just physically. I know that’s asking a lot, but I had better tell you now, because I’m looking for the real thing. I want a partner, who will go shopping with me, watch stupid TV shows together, meet my family, bring me presents, take me out for surprise dinners…”
“You realize that I have two jobs, right?” Sho chuckled.
“All the more money to spend on your loved ones,” Jun grinned. “How about your sentiment?”
“I have never considered such a relationship. It feels… daring. And no matter what, my family cannot know. I mean that. My dad would have a heart attack and my grandfather might disown us both if he ever got word of something like that.”
“Your friends?” Jun asked.
“Difficult,” Sho answered. “I cannot easily and honestly feel no strong desire to `live that life-style openly´. My feelings for you run deep, though. They always have. I’ve understood the mistake I made a long time ago. But I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it. I might have been stupid - well, I guess I was afraid. But I found that the moment you invited me in, I came rushing. And I understand what you’re saying. Of course, I can’t deny that I followed physical needs, but there is more to it. It would be nice to have someone by my side. I know that it’s difficult, with the people around me and everything…”
“It’s fine,” Jun told him. “How you deal with it is your choice. I understand that it’s difficult for you. I don’t have to rub my relationship into everybody’s face, so if you’re comfortable keeping things discrete, I can adapt to that.”
Sho bit his lip nervously. “It sounds like we’re on the same page.”
“Sure does,” Jun agreed. He looked at Sho. “You realize that if things don’t work out, it might not be easy to mend them into a good professional relationship again.”
“I understand that only too well,” Sho nodded.
“So… is it worth the risk?” Jun asked.
“You’re worth it,” Sho stated firmly.
That said he grabbed Jun around the waist, pulling him close and pressing a loving kiss to his lips. Jun chuckled, relaxing into the move easily, turning towards Sho, opening his form up to the other man, who eagerly pressed their bodies together the second he had the opportunity. They kissed for a long while, slowly, sensually, learning how they worked. Lips and tongues stroking, hands sliding over clothed curves, compared to their encounter in the shower their kissing was pretty innocent, but it held promises that made both of them feel tingly inside. Sho was starting to feel so comfortably warm, he whined slightly when Jun pulled back.
“Making it official now,” Jun whispered against Sho’s lips. “We’ll be lovers?”
“I would love that,” Sho whispered back.
They both chuckled lightly, getting back to their making out session. Their hands and mouths grew more daring, revealing and teasing more skin, but still taking things slow. They took their time, learning, memorizing skin, curves, textures, smells of each other, enjoying all the new feelings and sensations.
“So,” Sho whispered into Jun’s ear, “about that last permission I’m still lacking…”
Jun grinned. “You’re permitted. Take things to the bedroom?”
“Absolutely,” Sho agreed eagerly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sho found that having Jun as a boyfriend was a challenge in many ways, but a huge benefit in a lot of ways too. They were still learning how to work as a couple, but they worked things out bit by bit, getting more harmonious by the day. Naturally Nino had known the moment Sho and Jun had shown up together that they’d had sex and of course he couldn’t keep it to himself. It was fine, though, their group mates were very supportive and it did help to get to talk to someone when the need arose. For the main part they kept being discrete about their relationship, but just the other day Sho had invited Jun to coming along for cake and coffee at his sister’s house, which had surprised him, if pleasantly so. Jun agreed to going too, of course. It made him feel like they could go further than they might be able to imagine and that was the most promising thing he could think of. It also made him feel stronger than before, moving along together, side by side, on to the next adventures.
Title: Sorry seems to be the hardest word
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: R
Warnings: Some making out, nakedness, language
Summary: Sho has grown used to the fact that Jun keeps being distant towards him - so much so, that when he realizes that suddenly Jun is getting more open towards him and even approaching him again, Sho is confused, but inclined to follow the lead.
Notes: I really hope that you will like it. I had a lot of fun writing it. This one arose from wondering how Sho and Jun’s relationship might have developed and why.
It had started slowly, unimposingly, like spring embracing the lands with a few more sunny minutes every day, the greens beginning to peak out delicately without you even noticing it until the first blossoms begin to bud. Later Sho wasn’t sure when it really started, but he knew exactly when he had started to notice. It was after the filming of just another episode of Anishi, they were sitting together in their dressing room, just chatting and enjoying the rest of the catering and it was a move as simple as can be, Jun clasping his shoulder just lightly as he walked by - a light touch, lasting no more than a second. Even so, that light brush touched something inside of Sho, it felt warm, tingly, soothing somehow. From then he started to be very aware of the things that Jun did around him, checking if there would be more moments of closeness.
Unexpectedly he found that the younger man actually kept seeking his presence, sitting close to him during meetings, getting Sho to stand next to him on stage and repeatedly initiating physical contact. Nothing much, just light touches, or teasing pokes, but Jun had not done any of these things in years. After a while the change struck Sho as very severe, but he decided to invite it whenever he could. He began to answer calls of Jun inviting him to get playful together, they got back to having inside jokes among each other, it felt wonderfully light and joyful to be around Jun and have fun together. It came to the point where Sho decided to try his luck getting flirty and see whether Jun would allow him in his space like that.
The two of them were sitting at a café together with Aiba and Kazama, who had visited them during their CM recording.
“It really looks delicious,” Sho said, eyeing the shortcake Jun was eating.
“I told you that you could have it,” Jun shrugged. “But you just had to insist that I take the last piece.”
Aiba chuckled. “Sho-chan’s such a gentleman.”
“Just that now he keeps prying until he gets what he wants,” Kazama grinned.
“I’m not prying,” Sho opposed. “But well, I’m afraid I can’t deny that I do want a piece of that.”
His heart was pounding as he pointed right at Jun’s face before he led his finger to Jun’s lips, where a dot of whipped cream was visible just in the corner of his mouth. Sho touched the spot, swiping off the cream and brought his finger back to his mouth, licking the sweet treat off. He gave a daring smile as Jun stared at him for a moment, clearly trying to figure out how to react. Inside his stomach was doing back-flips. How was Jun going to react? Would he be upset? Confused? Playful?
“Woah.”
Aiba’s gasp cut into the silence before Jun could even react. Next to him Kazama sat, looking strained.
“Well,” Jun dragged out, his face unreadable. “Sho-kun sure knows how to get what he wants. A problem only occurs when he doesn’t know what he wants.”
“I do know it,” Sho stated firmly.
“Is that so?” Jun asked, tilting his head slightly. “But even though you obviously wanted that cake, you refrained from claiming it.”
“I did just now,” Sho offered.
Jun shook his head, though. “You can’t first cast it aside and then later try to claim it for yourself.”
“I couldn’t help it,” Sho explained. “It called out to me… sitting on your lips like that.”
“So if it’s calling, you’ll answer?” Jun asked.
“Of course,” Sho grinned. “I love sweet tastes, you know that.”
“Hm,” Jun hummed out. “What if another taste calls out to you?”
“I can’t think of anything that might taste sweeter than what comes off your lips.”
Jun looked baffled at that.
“Ah, Aiba-chan, look at the time,” Kazama stuttered out. “I still have to get to that store to pick up… you know… my stuff.”
Aiba gave him a pointed look. “Do you think it’s okay to…”
“Come on, let’s get the car,” Kazama urged, already getting up and dragging Aiba along. “Thank you for having us today,” he said directed at Jun and Sho, giving a shallow bow of his head. “See you.”
“Ah, talk to you later,” Aiba muttered as Kazama dragged him off.
Suddenly Sho felt stupidly nervous being alone with Jun. What would happen now?
“Are you very sure you want to do this?” Jun asked, looking straight at him.
“Do what?” Sho asked back.
Jun rolled his eyes. “You know what. You’re flirting.”
“I am. But you gave me every reason to think that it’s okay.”
Jun actually smiled at that. “So you noticed. I wasn’t sure if you’d pick it up.”
“You stopping to ignore my existence?” Sho teased. “Would have been hard to miss.”
“It’s not like that,” Jun protested.
“But you got a lot more accessible lately,” Sho pointed out. “I like that.”
“So I’ve noticed,” Jun chuckled. His face turned rather stern again soon, though. “I’m just not sure… are you simply testing waters? Or do you mean it?”
“Well, I’m not entirely sure where I’m standing with you right now,” Sho explained. “But as for me, I do mean it.”
“In that case,” Jun said, a teasing smile on his lips, “I’ll let you know where you’re standing.”
“Okay,” Sho nodded.
“Soon,” Jun stated, clearly enjoying his upper hand position.
“The least I should have to suffer through,” Sho offered. “Having to stay in the dark waiting for your answer. May I just… Will you tell me what happened?”
Jun shook his head. “I need to think some things through. I’ll let you in on everything you need to know.”
“Okay,” Sho agreed with a nod. “I’ll be waiting.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Weeks passed and Sho and Jun basically only continued their new open attitude towards each other. Jun did not approach the topic of their status again and Sho was determined not to push, even though the insecurity was killing him at times. He knew he had to be patient, though. Pressing the point might piss Jun off and that was the last thing Sho wanted to do. He waited and while he did he enjoyed the little things he could enjoy without rising any suspicions. Then again, it seemed rather random when Jun finally let him know that he was ready to proceed from their current position. They had gotten comfortable, casual around each other.
Sho was pretty sure that the others had also noticed the change by now, but while nobody said a word about it, they seemed to accept it joyfully. Sho was grateful for both the silence and the acceptance but he also understood that the others were waiting for the appointment of a new direction. Much like himself. It was after a regular magazine photo shoot that Sho finally got his cue - along with everyone else, as Jun made his move. Sho had just made himself comfortable on the sofa in the green room, picking up the newspaper he had been reading earlier. Everybody else was still changing back into their own stuff, pretty much minding their own business. Then, basically out of the blue, as soon as Jun was done, without saying a word, he approached Sho, giving him one intense look before settling down.
Sho froze in his seat, his eyes growing wide. Jun had easily slipped onto his lap, arms draped loosely around his neck.
“Jun…” Sho muttered, “What… are you doing?”
Jun blinked his beautiful eye-lashes at him.
“Making myself comfortable,” he informed Sho.
“Okay…” Sho answered warily.
“What?” Jun asked. “You mind it?”
“Nah. Bet Sho-chan is rather already fighting down a hard-on,” Nino teased.
“Ninomiya-kun, that is incredibly crude,” Sho commented simply.
He got a curious look from his bandmate, because Sho would usually burst out at being provoked in such a way. But right then and there Sho couldn’t have cared less, he was not going to react in any way that might have Jun move as much as an inch away from him.
Nino laughed at the remark.
“Wow, not even denying it,” he kept pressing.
That earned Nino quite a glare, but Sho easily got distracted by Jun’s breath tickling his ear as the younger man whispered to him.
“He’s just jealous.”
Sho couldn’t help it, he shuddered at the closeness, at the sudden intimacy between him and Jun, something he hadn’t experienced in so long it simply utterly overwhelmed him. He could feel the grin forming on Jun’s lips, the young man showing off how much he enjoyed the reactions he could elicit. That had Sho steel himself a little, but he made no move to detach Jun from his form.
“Awwww,” Aiba made as he saw the pair of them. “You two look so cute.”
“Sure do,” Ohno agreed. “I so don’t understand why you guys never started dating.”
An awkward silence followed that statement. Nino moved over to slap Ohno on the back of his head.
“What are you saying such stupid stuff for?” he berated his friend.
“What?!” Ohno pouted. “Aiba-chan said they’re a cute couple too.”
“We’re not a couple,” Jun opposed.
He detached himself from Sho, who wanted to get up and slap Ohno as well. Jun hadn’t gotten anywhere near him in about a decade and of course his most of the time oblivious friend just had to ruin that for him.
“I still don’t understand,” Ohno merely shrugged. “Why you can’t be a couple.”
Jun gave Sho a wary look. “Neither do I,” he muttered.
With that he got up and left for the shower. Sho couldn’t help craning his neck to stare after Jun as he slid through the door, Sho’s breath somewhere between caught and coming out in gasps. His head was spinning so bad he jumped in surprise as Nino flopped down right next to him, staring after Jun as well, but then turning his attention towards Sho.
“What was that?” he asked.
“I have no idea,” Sho admitted. “He’s never done anything like that in years. He never so much as sat on the same surface as me, let alone… this.”
“So, what happened?” Nino urged.
Sho gave him an awkward look. “What do you mean, what happened?”
“Oh come on,” Nino dragged out. His voice dropped a notch as he continued. “Just between the two of us, really, what happened?”
“I have no idea,” Sho told him plainly.
“There’s got to be a reason why Jun is getting so… cuddly,” Nino insisted.
“That’s exactly what I’m thinking, but really, I’m at a loss,” Sho shrugged.
“Something must have happened,” Nino kept pressing. “Did you fuck?”
Sho flushed furiously. “What are you thinking, suggesting such a thing?” When Nino merely raised an eye-brow at him, Sho shook his head firmly. “No. Nothing happened.”
“Well, I’m not good at reading signs, but that guy in there clearly wants you to make a move,” Nino commented.
“He really does, doesn’t he?” Sho mused. “But why now?”
“If you don’t know, I can’t help you there,” Nino shrugged. “But if I were you, I’d answer the call.”
Sho nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “So… take him out to dinner?”
Nino rolled his eyes. “That’s what you do when you meet someone and start dating. You two have known each other for decades.”
“So, what do you suggest, then?” Sho wanted to know.
Nino gaped at him. “Are you stupid? The man of your dreams is in there, naked, wet, and he all but dared you to do something about it. I say go for it. I’ll handle the kids.”
“You mean going in there?” Sho asked, in disbelief.
“Why not?” Nino asked right back. “It’s a good shot, I say. And an easy one too.” He grinned. “Your prey can’t escape easily.”
“I don’t know what you’re thinking now,” Sho muttered, “but Jun’s not easy.”
Nino gave him a pained look. “Oh my god, you’re gonna fuck it up. For goodness sake, it’s not that difficult. Just go in there and get a bit friendly.”
Sho still looked skeptical. “You think?”
“Just go already,” Nino urged. “I’ll take the others and leave. Just call me when you’re done.”
“Right,” Sho mumbled.
He felt his heart starting to beat faster and for a second he was shocked as he realized that he actually meant to really take action. It was still unclear to him what kind of action that would be exactly, but he knew, he felt that Nino was right, he had to do something. Before he could scare himself out of it by going through all kinds of possible fails he got up and already started to undress as he headed for the shower stalls. He could hear faint voices in the green room behind him, but his mind blended out any details that could distract him. By the time Sho was in the changing area he was already almost naked. Of course, he draped everything neatly on one of the benches as he finished undressing - there had to be time for that.
Steam was evaporating from the stall that Jun was occupying and Sho halted for a moment, doubting his strategy - well, he didn’t really have one, but in that moment he found that simply opening the door and slipping in might not be such a good idea, after all. But then, he figured, what was the worst thing that could happen? Jun could just kick him out and go back to being distant. Nothing much lost. So Sho nodded to himself once, determinedly - and kept standing just there, naked, feeling as insecure as he had when he first discovered all the feelings Jun could evoke in him. He took one deep breath, closing his eyes for a second, wanting his body to move, wanting to be close to Jun again, as close as they had been just a few minutes ago. The steel of the door knob felt surprisingly cool against his skin as he grabbed it with sweaty hand, but it gave way easily and the second later he was in a steaming shower stall, Jun’s naked wet back turned towards his person, the view leaving him breathless. After getting himself to get in, he stood there again, frozen. Of course Jun felt his presence and turned around to face him. His eyes glittered playfully as he took in Sho’s form.
“Aren’t you the daredevil,” he stated plainly.
“You made me think that it would be okay,” Sho muttered helplessly.
Jun raised a single brow at him. “So it’s my fault you’re assaulting me in the shower?”
“I’m not…” Sho protested. “What about you? You sat on my lap.”
Jun grinned impishly at him. “I did, didn’t I?” He reached out for Sho, running his hands up his torso, before linking them loosely behind Sho’s neck. “Did you like it?”
“J-Jun,” Sho breathed out.
“Hm?”
“I… don’t know what to do,” Sho admitted helplessly.
“Well you came in here,” Jun said sinfully. “Wasn’t there something you wanted to do?”
“A million things,” Sho blurted out. He felt like an idiot, standing there, naked, blushing like a fool, unable to really make his point, but he was feeling only mildly disturbed by it. Having Jun close, feeling the warmth of his wet skin on his body was enough to put up with anything. Jun’s lips were glistening just in front of him, tempting him, calling out to him, but Sho still felt confused, unable to wrap his mind around the situation.
“Why?” he whispered. “Why? Why are you… allowing me in here? Why are you so inviting? I don’t understand.”
Jun smiled at him. “You don’t have to for now.”
But Sho shook his head, panic suddenly surging through his body.
“What if you take it away again suddenly?” he asked. “If this is just a whim, if it’s just a mood… I couldn’t handle that.”
Jun’s eyes cleared out a bit. He looked like he was sobering up from… something and Sho wanted to scream, to slap himself, dammit, why hadn’t he just kiss him?!
“You’re right,” Jun sighed out, retreating from Sho’s body. “If something goes array again, we might mess everything up.”
“No. No,” Sho protested. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… this is not the time and place for discussion. Let’s just… can we go back about twenty seconds?”
Jun gave him a helpless smile. “And then what?”
Sho’s mind couldn’t even follow his actions as he surged forward and grabbed Jun’s face with his hand. He smashed their lips together almost forcefully, feeling Jun’s lips plush, bit firm against his own. Finally. FINALLY. He heard a low moan, like from a distance, not knowing if it was his own, or Jun’s - not that he cared. Jun’s lips softened against his and they started an awkward play. They were both too eager, too unsettled to actually make it a good kiss, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Nothing but the act of it, even when it was sloppy and just slightly gross when their saliva started mixing outside their mouths, Sho was certain they were both drooling, but yet equally reluctant to break contact. When Jun couldn’t take it anymore, gagging rather unattractively, they let up, standing there, messy and not exactly sexy and yet Sho could think of nothing but how bad he wanted to continue. He gasped out loud when he felt Jun’s hand colliding rather violently with his left cheek. Bringing his hand up to soothe the sting he gave Jun a bewildered look.
“That’s so you know that you always, always have to ask permission,” Jun told him.
Sho opened his mouth to argue, but he broke off the attempt. He couldn’t really deny that he had just surprised Jun by practically jumping him despite the fact that Jun had voiced his doubts.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered instead.
Jun’s eyes shone warmly as they took in his form. Sho was starting to feel slightly cold, with no clothes on, his body slightly wet, but again detached from Jun and unable to reach the soothingly warm stream of water that Jun’s back was still enjoying. Jun reached out a hand and grabbed Sho’s forearm, pulling him closer to the comforting warmth.
“You say that a lot lately,” Jun commented, slightly amused.
Sho blinked at him.
“That you’re sorry,” Jun clarified. He flashed Sho another smile. “It’s okay now.”
Sho bit his lip, unsure how to proceed from there. His cheek still stung from Jun’s blow, but his lips still tingled from their kiss as well.
“So… is it okay if I kiss you now?”
Jun chuckled at that. “Once I’ve allowed something, you don’t have to ask again.”
Sho nodded in understanding, trying to keep his calm, yet his heart was racing as he decided to aim for gold.
“Let’s say I want to kiss something other than your mouth,” he blurted out. “Then…?”
“Something like?” Jun wanted to know.
“Your neck,” Sho answered readily.
“I would like that,” Jun told him.
Sho groaned, immediately attaching his lips to Jun’s neck, kissing it eagerly, open-mouthed, wet kisses and he loved how Jun fit his body against him.
“What else do you want to kiss?” Jun gasped.
“Your nipples,” Sho muttered against Jun’s skin. “Your navel. All of you.”
“Oh yeah,” Jun moaned.
“Would you like that?” Sho asked, already ducking his head to lick a pink nipple.
“Yes,” Jun gasped. “Yes.”
“Oh my god, Jun,” Sho sighed.
“What else?” Jun demanded.
“I want to suck you,” Sho answered readily. “Suck you off, feel your balls.”
Jun moaned, loud and long, signaling his eagerness. He started to rub against Sho, they were both hard and needy and equally willing to rush through Sho’s list quickly.
“More,” Jun urged.
“Lick your hole,” Sho burst out, already in a kind of frenzy. “Fuck you. Damn, I want to fuck you so bad.”
That earned him a grin from Jun. “I know.”
“May I?” Sho asked as he pushed Jun against the wall and got to his knees.
Jun shook his head, though. “Not now. Not in here. The sucking sounds nice, though, if you please.”
Sho grinned up at him and casually grasped Jun’s length. He had expected to be nervous doing something like that, but he found that there was no room for anxious feelings inside him. He quickly brought the hard flesh to his lips, licking and nipping at it to learn its texture. It was warm, pulsing, growing further in his hand, bending in a way that made it difficult for Sho to reach the head, but he gently bent it at the base to get easier access. He looked up at Jun as he took the head into his mouth, sucking at it right away.
“Fuck,” Jun burst out. “You look so good doing that.”
His hand came to the side of Sho’s head, giving him some support. Sho hummed his enjoyment, his eyes still on Jun’s as he took in more, starting to bob his head. His hand was still grasping the base of Jun’s cock, holding it in place. His tongue started to stroke the length inside his mouth in turns with the insistent sucks he gave. Soon Sho was drooling, the sounds of his efforts echoing through the shower stall.
“Damn,” Jun muttered.
His fingers were gripping Sho’s hair tightly as he got lost in the throws of his passion. His breath was already coming out in gasps and his hips bucked forward involuntarily, whenever Sho brushed that one spot with his tongue.
“You’re so good,” Jun praised. “Yeah, that’s it, keep going…”
Hearing Jun urge him on had Sho pick up on his efforts. Who cared if it lasted only minute or two? He had Jun gasping, moaning, his fingers shaking in Sho’s hair, his dick pulsing in his mouth. He changed his pattern from long, intense sucks to short strong ones and Jun gasped. His second hand grasped onto Sho as well and after making sure to slip out just a bit he started to fuck Sho’s mouth. There were no complaints from Sho, he let Jun do as he pleased, holding onto the base of the cock as it kept sliding back and forth between his lips, causing friction that had Sho hum again at the intensity of it.
“Yeah, just like that,” Jun gasped out. “Oh my god, Sho. Please, deeper.”
Sho answered the call readily, letting Jun slide in deeper again, but at the same time bringing his free hand up to restrain the demanding hips from pushing forward. Instead he intensified his noisy sucks while the back and forth movement almost ceased on his part as well.
“Oh yeah, that’s it,” Jun moaned. “Suck me off. Suck me… damn, I’m gonna come.”
Sho could feel the additional swelling, could taste the heavy foreboding scent and trusting Jun not to gag him he shifted his hand from Jun’s hips to grasping his balls, playing them, massaging them until he felt them getting tight and he readied himself. Jun’s thighs were shaking slightly and he grew completely rigid and silent, but the short gasping breaths that were bursting from his lungs. Just a few seconds later a short gasping grunt could be heard and Sho felt Jun’s seed shooting out and right into his mouth. He made sure he got everything, letting Jun empty himself completely, before he carefully pulled back, his hand stroking Jun to give him a comfortable down. Sho looked back up at Jun, finding his eyes on his form, eyes gleaming and cheeks flushed, his breath still coming irregularly. Had he been able too, Sho would have grinned. Instead he made a show of swallowing down everything that Jun had given him. Jun merely blinked his eyes at him several times, showing his appreciation. Sho then proceeded to nuzzle Jun’s crotch a bit more, nudging sensitive areas gently with nose and lips before he slowly left off and got back onto his feet.
“Thanks,” Jun whispered, once they were face to face again.
“Pleasure,” Sho assured him. “Is it okay?” he asked, his hand already grasping his own aching length.
Jun shook his head, though. “No, let me.”
With that he grasped Sho’s dick, pulling at it insistently. It didn’t take too much, Sho had already been at the brink himself. Just a number of good strokes and Sho’s dick pulsed, a low sob wrenching itself from his gaping mouth, lost against Jun’s neck as Sho buried his face against it, getting lost in Jun’s scent as he came, dirtying Jun’s hand.
“Hah,” Jun sighed, satisfied at the feeling.
They remained like that for a moment, but as soon as the big high ebbed away, Sho could feel the water that had turned cold on them hitting him uncomfortably and his protesting knees that were screaming at him for his stupid act. Sho couldn’t have cared less in that moment, but he could think of a number of more comfortable places to be.
“Get out of here?” Jun asked.
Sho nodded, detaching himself from Jun. When their eyes met, they both felt awkward. Their act hadn’t been very well thought through and the backlash was hitting them right on.
“I… let’s get dressed,” Sho suggested.
“Good idea,” Jun agreed. “How about we head to my place, then?”
Sho nodded again. He knew they needed to get things straight and while he was still nervous about it, he honestly hoped that things would work out well for them. They didn’t talk much as they got dressed and got to Jun’s car. Along the way they did some insignificant small talk, which was unnerving, but better than the nerve-wracking silence. It seemed to take forever for them to arrive at Jun’s place. Once they were there Jun invited Sho right into the living room and, naturally, being a good host offered a drink.
“Later,” Sho told him. “At least for me. Feel free to help yourself.”
Jun shook his head. “No, I just… I want to get this over with too.”
He sat down on the big sofa next to Sho, looking at him with warm eyes.
“You really don’t know,” he muttered. “You don’t know what changed.”
“You did,” Sho shrugged. “Or rather, your attitude.”
“But you don’t know why,” Jun kept pressing.
“No, I have no idea,” Sho let him know. “And I’ve been wracking my head trying to find an answer.”
“Well, what do you know,” Jun grinned. “The ever-so-intelligent university graduate doesn’t get it.”
“Can’t understand everything,” Sho stated. “And I’ve always found your person pretty hard to understand. But now, care to tell me what exactly happened?”
Jun nodded at him.
“It’s actually pretty simple,” he said. “You apologized.”
Sho blinked. “Sorry, what?”
“For what you did, for the way you acted when I had that crush on you. I had already almost given up hope that you ever will, but somehow, suddenly you apologized.”
“What do you mean?” Sho asked, frowning. “I apologized for it a lot. Repeatedly.”
Jun shook his head, though. “No, you didn’t. Not once, actually. “And that’s not saying that you never tried to show that you regretted how things went. But you never actually said it. You never said that you were sorry.”
“No, that’s not possible,” Sho muttered, shaking his head. “You must be wrong.”
“I’m not,” Jun insisted. “I wish I was, but… I noticed a few days after… well, you know. You kept avoiding me and then, when you came around to apologize, which I was waiting for, really, you never said you were sorry. That is, you never said the words. Well, you said many things and of course I understood what you meant. You were feeling remorseful, I could see that. But honestly? After doing that to me, I found that I deserved the words spoken out.”
“You did,” Sho agreed. “You do. I… never? Really, I never said it?”
Jun shook his head. “I kept waiting. I always took your words in very carefully. It never came - until that Wednesday a few weeks ago.”
Sho considered Jun for a long while. Then he sighed deeply.
“This is…” he broke off, blinking at Jun. “That Wednesday?”
Jun nodded. “Don’t you remember?”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*flashback*
“I’m really sorry.”
The words echoed in Jun’s ear. He stared at Sho. They had been sitting, talking about old times. All five of them, going to have dinner after their PV recording. They didn’t do these things too regularly, all of them having other friends they enjoyed getting to see every now and then, but on certain occasions it was nice doing something together that was not directly work related. So they had gotten their food and drinks and Jun wasn’t even sure when Sho had somehow detached him from the group, but they had been sitting at the far end of the table together for a while and talking about all sorts of things, how things were, how things used to be and somehow that topic had come up. Their little “experiment”, during which Jun had found out that he really liked Sho a lot and Sho had decided that liking Jun was not a good idea for many reasons. Sadly he had come to that conclusion only after they had shared a number of intimacies. Jun did not like that topic. He didn’t like to think about it. Sho must have caught his try to quickly change the subject and then he had suddenly, unexpectedly thrown those words at Jun:
“I’m really sorry.”
Jun stared. “What?”
Sho’s eyes shone with true regret. “I’m sorry for… for how things went back then. I know it was a dick-move. I don’t even… I don’t know. Today I can’t even understand what I did, why I… I really don’t know. I must have been pretty messed up. Not that I’m trying to make excuses. Just…”
“But you just said it,” Jun interrupted him.
Sho blinked. “I said what?”
“You said it,” Jun stated evenly, “that you are sorry. So, you are making an excuse.”
Sho frowned at little. “You know, that’s not… it, exactly. I’m apologizing. Making an excuse means that you try to make someone understand why you did something. You’re going to sympathy. When you apologize, you simply show that you regret doing something, because you know that it was wrong.”
Jun nodded in understanding. “So you think that what you did was wrong.”
“Of course,” Sho nodded.
“So you apologized,” Jun mused.
“Exactly.”
“Because you regret it,” Jun concluded.
“I do,” Sho told him, eyes shining warmly. “I know I cannot truly make up for it. But it’s all I can do to let you know that… well, I’m sorry.”
Jun nodded. “I understand,” he muttered.
His voice was steady, but inside, a whirlwind of emotions broke loose.
*end flashback*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“You have no idea how happy I was,” Jun told Sho with a smile. “Hearing you say that… You might think it’s childish, being particular about the wording. And you did… before… I mean, you said many things. You said how stupid you were and how you had been acting inconsiderately, then stuff like if you could go back and change things, et cetera, et cetera. But never before had you said that you’re actually sorry and I could not…”
“You could not forgive me,” Sho finished the sentence. “Because I never apologized.”
Jun chuckled. “Oh, I’ve forgiven you. I had to. Had I had kept holding a grudge for too long, we wouldn’t have worked out as a group the way we did. So, I told myself that it’s okay to forgive you, even if you could not say the words. But I could not like you anymore. Not the way I used to. So, it was best to keep my distance. But…”
“But?”
Jun smiled shyly. “I never stopped waiting to get to hear it. I was hoping that one day you would actually say it.”
Sho looked at him for a long while, just taking in the man in front of him.
“It’s not childish,” he finally said. “You absolutely deserved the words. And you’re right to be particular about it, because saying that you’re sorry takes a kind of strength and courage that you need to muster. I wonder if I truly didn’t realize it, or simply didn’t find the strength to say it properly.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know that,” Jun said, a smile on his face. “I’m just glad that you finally said it. I hadn’t even realized how much strength and concentration it still took me to keep things up between us. When you said the words it was like a weight lifted from my chest. And once this… gap between us wasn’t there anymore, I just… I stupidly headed right for you. Of course, that was rash and naïve. I didn’t even know I still had that in me.”
“I was surprised when you started to get playful,” Sho told him. “But pleasantly so. I just couldn’t understand… But of course, with this story, I absolutely understand now.”
Jun averted his eyes, getting nervous again. “Still, I let things get out of hand. I’ve got to admit that I did not foresee your stunt in the shower.”
“Nino made me,” Sho accused his friend.
Jun laughed at that. “Okay, well yeah, I guess with his signature on it, the act gives a more shapely picture.”
“It’s not like I regret it,” Sho let Jun know.
“That’s nice to hear,” Jun smiled. “But even so… What do we do now? I mean, what do we want to make of this? We made out before we even had any kind of serious conversation. And it felt good. But there are still so many questions that need to be answered. Issues to be cleared up.”
Sho nodded. “There’s a point.”
“I mean, this… we had this… thing… many years ago. Is it still the same? Is it okay, if it’s not? Do we even want to pursue anything serious?”
“Stop, stop,” Sho interrupted. “I agree, there’s a lot to consider and a lot to talk about. But I don’t think we can go through everything right now.”
“So, what do you suggest?” Jun asked.
“I think it would be a good idea for both of us to say what they feel right now and what kind of direction they want to go. With that we can see whether we see things similarly.”
“Okay,” Jun nodded. “Well, obviously I’m madly, stupidly in love with you. After such a long time. I’ve kept pushing it away, but at the first opportunity my feelings got the better of me. That’s got to mean something, right? I… I do want to see if this can be a thing. But just to be clear, I’m talking relationship now. I’ve done the sex thing and it’s gotten boring. Plus, what I really want is your affection, I want us to share emotionally, not just physically. I know that’s asking a lot, but I had better tell you now, because I’m looking for the real thing. I want a partner, who will go shopping with me, watch stupid TV shows together, meet my family, bring me presents, take me out for surprise dinners…”
“You realize that I have two jobs, right?” Sho chuckled.
“All the more money to spend on your loved ones,” Jun grinned. “How about your sentiment?”
“I have never considered such a relationship. It feels… daring. And no matter what, my family cannot know. I mean that. My dad would have a heart attack and my grandfather might disown us both if he ever got word of something like that.”
“Your friends?” Jun asked.
“Difficult,” Sho answered. “I cannot easily and honestly feel no strong desire to `live that life-style openly´. My feelings for you run deep, though. They always have. I’ve understood the mistake I made a long time ago. But I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it. I might have been stupid - well, I guess I was afraid. But I found that the moment you invited me in, I came rushing. And I understand what you’re saying. Of course, I can’t deny that I followed physical needs, but there is more to it. It would be nice to have someone by my side. I know that it’s difficult, with the people around me and everything…”
“It’s fine,” Jun told him. “How you deal with it is your choice. I understand that it’s difficult for you. I don’t have to rub my relationship into everybody’s face, so if you’re comfortable keeping things discrete, I can adapt to that.”
Sho bit his lip nervously. “It sounds like we’re on the same page.”
“Sure does,” Jun agreed. He looked at Sho. “You realize that if things don’t work out, it might not be easy to mend them into a good professional relationship again.”
“I understand that only too well,” Sho nodded.
“So… is it worth the risk?” Jun asked.
“You’re worth it,” Sho stated firmly.
That said he grabbed Jun around the waist, pulling him close and pressing a loving kiss to his lips. Jun chuckled, relaxing into the move easily, turning towards Sho, opening his form up to the other man, who eagerly pressed their bodies together the second he had the opportunity. They kissed for a long while, slowly, sensually, learning how they worked. Lips and tongues stroking, hands sliding over clothed curves, compared to their encounter in the shower their kissing was pretty innocent, but it held promises that made both of them feel tingly inside. Sho was starting to feel so comfortably warm, he whined slightly when Jun pulled back.
“Making it official now,” Jun whispered against Sho’s lips. “We’ll be lovers?”
“I would love that,” Sho whispered back.
They both chuckled lightly, getting back to their making out session. Their hands and mouths grew more daring, revealing and teasing more skin, but still taking things slow. They took their time, learning, memorizing skin, curves, textures, smells of each other, enjoying all the new feelings and sensations.
“So,” Sho whispered into Jun’s ear, “about that last permission I’m still lacking…”
Jun grinned. “You’re permitted. Take things to the bedroom?”
“Absolutely,” Sho agreed eagerly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sho found that having Jun as a boyfriend was a challenge in many ways, but a huge benefit in a lot of ways too. They were still learning how to work as a couple, but they worked things out bit by bit, getting more harmonious by the day. Naturally Nino had known the moment Sho and Jun had shown up together that they’d had sex and of course he couldn’t keep it to himself. It was fine, though, their group mates were very supportive and it did help to get to talk to someone when the need arose. For the main part they kept being discrete about their relationship, but just the other day Sho had invited Jun to coming along for cake and coffee at his sister’s house, which had surprised him, if pleasantly so. Jun agreed to going too, of course. It made him feel like they could go further than they might be able to imagine and that was the most promising thing he could think of. It also made him feel stronger than before, moving along together, side by side, on to the next adventures.