je_united gift fic for mousapelli
Lovely fic for mousapelli
Title: About green smoothies, low-carb pizza and cheesy romance
Pairing: Hasshi/Tottsu
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none (Hasshi doesn’t have an eating disorder, he is just watching his calories. Just saying ^^)
Summary: It starts innocently, without any intentions behind it, but gradually Tottsu and Ryosuke grow closer
Notes: Dear mousapelli , it was a challenge, but I had a lot of fun writing this story and I hope you’ll like it.
It started innocently, without any plan or intention to make something bigger out of it. Whatever this something means because quite frankly while Tottsu finds Hashimoto beautiful like a picture of an aspiring artist he would have never thought about approaching him in any way. Because bandmates, and friends… You forget to see the people around you as sexual beings at one point.
He would have never thought that things would change because of a weird little coincidence, a wrongly booked hotel room and an awful green smoothie.
~~~
Ryosuke is preparing a smoothie, at least Tottsu believes it’s one until he sees the ingredients. Spinach, protein powder, cucumber and tomato juice. “Did you drink too much?”
Ryosuke looks up in surprise. “Hm?”
They are sharing a hotel suite. Mainly because their hotel messed up while the others all got their individual rooms, his wasn’t booked it seems. Ryosuke was kind enough to agree to swap his room and go to a suite with him. Actually, once inside it dawned on them both that they were freaking lucky. Luxury, hello!
They even have a kitchen on their own, which lead to Ryosuke making… something. Tottsu gets back to reality when Ryosuke elbows him playfully and chuckles. “Still with me, big boy?”
“Sorry,” Tottsu chuckles slightly, always liking it when Ryosuke is playful and fun. He is surprisingly earnest recently. “I just wanted to know if you have a hangover.”
“Why?” Ryosuke switches the mixer on, the ingredients of his smoothie turning green and brown. How can anyone drink this?
“Because you drink that,” Tottsu says and grimaces.
Ryosuke looks at Tottsu first, then at the brownish liquid. He laughs all of a sudden. “It’s good and healthy.”
“This,” Tottsu muses. “Good?”
“Give it a try,” Ryosuke urges, and takes one empty glass, filling it with the liquid.
Tottsu doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by denying his wish, besides there is nothing wrong with trying it first before voicing an opinion about it. He takes the glass, bravely taking a huge sip from it. Fucking tastes exactly like it looks like. He coughs, eyes tearing up by the horrible taste of mixed raw vegetables that don’t fit together. And this awful protein powder he hates to no end. “Tastes healthy,” he says weakly before he hurries to the bathroom and spits the rest of it into the toilet.
“You are overreacting,” Ryosuke pouts as he follows him, apparently worried that he is sick for real.
“I am not.” Tottsu points at the drink in Ryosuke’s hands. “Take a sip!”
Ryosuke nods and apparently decides to go all dramatic because he takes a huge gulp from this horrendous drink, swallowing it down like it’s nothing. He has tears in his eyes though and his expression gets tensed all of a sudden. “Good,” he breaths out weakly.
Tottsu has to chuckle slightly. So proud and stubborn. It’s almost cute, Ryosuke can play the spoiled kid because he is actually really nice and shy… and young. “Listen, why don’t we get us something real to eat?” he offers.
Ryosuke smiles, and for an instant it’s almost detached from reality. It’s just a glimpse though and Tottsu is sure in another moment he wouldn’t have grasped it. “I don’t need anything.”
“You have hardly eaten anything today. Aren’t you hungry?”
“I have this,” Ryosuke points at the awful drink. “I’ve cut down on my calories a bit.”
“Why?” Tottsu asks dumbfounded.
Ryosuke looks at him like he just asked the impossible. “Seriously?” he asks in disbelief.
“Yeah,” Tottsu grabs himself a chocolate bar, ready to neutralize the horrible taste in his mouth that still lingers.
“I’m weighing more than you guys,” Ryosuke explains.
“Yeah, you are also taller than most of us, and you are not weighing so much more than we do. Ryoichi’s basically the same,” Tottsu explains. Maybe he is too old for this shit, because his weight hasn’t bothered him since a long time already. But Ryosuke is younger than he is, and he was the last one to joining their band, and it wasn’t easy for him to do so. He is also supposed to cater to the sexy image, according to their agency. Apparently people like to see their shortcomings first and not their strengths. Because Ryosuke sings like an angel.
Ryosuke takes another sip from his green-brown garbage-drink. Tottsu rolls his eyes. “I’m cooking something.”
“What?” Ryosuke asks in disbelief, his eyes widening. He looks almost cute. “You can cook?”
“That’s an overstatement,” Tottsu jokes. “I can cook the basics you could say. I’ll cook us something healthy and you can dump the drink.”
Ryosuke’s head perks up. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Tottsu says. “Really.”
“Thank god.” He lets out a sigh of relief. “Then I can spill this-“ he raises the glass with his oh-so-healthy liquid “-into the toilet.”
“Yeah, and please spit after it,” Tottsu says dryly.
Ryosuke laughs and helps him prepare the food. They make vegetables and rice, and it’s so bland and boring because that’s literally all they found in the fridge of their hotel suite, but still it tastes great when they eat it together. “We should do this more often,” Ryosuke points out at some point.
Tottsu blinks, then nods. “Yes,” he says. “We definitely should.”
From the day on, Ryo drops by each week.
~~~
Everyone has issues, Tottsu figures as much. But to be honest he wonders why someone as pretty as Ryosuke chose him as a friend and not someone equally pretty as Goseki or someone funnier like Kawai. Ryouchi is a lot cuter than he is. So, why the hell does Ryosuke want to hang out with him?
He tells Ryosuke about his feelings once when they meet and have gluten-free, lactose-free, low-carb pizza. Ryosuke brought it along when he dropped by, and Tottsu politely agreed to eat it, although he actually prefers greasy pizza, with lots of cheese and ham on it.
Ryosuke almost drops his piece of pizza. “What?” he blinks. “Do you really think I choose my friends after their looks?” He frowns. “Besides who told you that you aren’t cool or cute? Did I ever say that!? Do I really look that pathetic and-“
“Okay, okay, I apologize,” Tottsu hurries to say before Ryosuke can continue his ramble.
Ryosuke pouts. “I can’t believe you think that way.”
“Everyone has some issue or other, I guess,” Tottsu says and sighs slightly. For a while Ryosuke looks at him in wonder, then he nods tentatively.
“Maybe,” he agrees. “Just… never think something like that again, okay? I love hanging out with you, because you are you. And I happen to think that you are cute and fun. Everyone does.”
Tottsu punches Ryosuke’s shoulder lightly, mainly to diffuse his embarrassment at being complimented like that. “Thank you,” he says. “Right back to you.”
Ryosuke smiles brightly and for a moment it makes Tottsu’s stomach spin a bit. Huh? Where does that come from? To distract himself, he decides to be bold and raises one piece of the pizza. “Honest opinion on the pizza?”
“Tastes like I expect a plate with leaves to taste like,” Ryosuke chuckles.
Tottsu grins. “Can I order sushi for us?”
Ryosuke laughs and puts his own piece of pizza aside. “Okay.” He chuckles. “I should finally start cooking for myself. The take-out food I choose is horrible.”
~~~
Weeks later Totsuka decides to change their patterns, he wants to go to Ryosuke’s place for once. He basically invites himself over. He is not waiting for Ryosuke to ask him to come, he is not even emotional blackmailing him, like Ah, Ryosuke-kun, haven’t been at your place since forever~, or sulks or pretends to be sad, until Ryosuke invites him over. He is not doing any of that. Instead he just says: “Hey, mind if I drop by your place today?”
Ryosuke stares at him through wide-opened eyes. God, he can look so cute. Impossible. “What?” he finally mutters, and blushes slightly.
“Do you have anything else to do?” Totsuka asks because being pushy or not, he doesn’t want Ryosuke to cancel any dates he made previously. But to his luck he shakes his head. So, it’s set. “Cool, see you later then.”
When Totsuka rings at Ryosuke’s door, Ryosuke is already expecting him. He is even wearing an apron, an expression of deepest distress on his face. “I’m trying to cook,” he exclaims.
“But why?” Totsuka asks in surprise.
Ryosuke looks at him like he has lost his mind. “Because you are here, obviously.”
“So?”
“I need to prepare something for you,” Ryosuke argues, and Totsuka can’t help but wonder how this guy’s mind actually works sometimes. He has been at Tottsu’s place a hundred times now and Tottsu has never done anything special there. Only had a few snacks, bought some sweets, prepared tea, sometimes ordered something for them - the basics.
“You don’t need to cook anything for me,” he points out.
“Yes, I do,” Ryosuke says stubbornly, and pulls him inside. “Close the door, it’s cold.”
A peek into the kitchen tells Tottsu that Ryosuke either has lost his mind or he really misread Tottsu’s very simple invitations for foods as something awesome. “You do know that the shrimp rolls I gave you last time were bought and not handmade.”
“I know,” Ryosuke says and points at his kitchen table, signalling for Tottsu to sit down.
“Why are you going to such lengths then and cooking tempura udon?” Tottsu pushes, not ready to let the subject go so easily especially when Ryosuke is covered in flour and looks distressed and panicked while stirring in his pan.
“Because you are always so kind,” Ryosuke answers simply.
It makes Tottsu smile, a sudden warm feeling dwelling in him. He has never thought that Ryosuke would see him like that. Worthy enough to cook for and taking his simple offers as kindness. Honestly he didn’t overthink it himself, he just wanted to make Ryosuke feel comfortable and happy. “Can I help?” he asks. “I feel weird just sitting here.”
Ryosuke throws him a judging glare, before he rolls his eyes. “Fine, you can set the table,” he gives in.
Tottsu grins. “Great.”
Ryosuke has originally planned on making some sort of very specific udon dish. They end up having simple noodle soup instead, and some weirdly shaped tempura, but Tottsu finds it great nevertheless, and when he tells Ryosuke, the latter blushes happily.
~~~
“I want to go ice-skating. Do you want to join?”
Of course Tottsu wants to join, although he has never understood the appeal of ice-skating. Driving in circles on a small area with ice, while bumping against thousands of other people. It sounds so annoying. He did that when he was a kid, but now… Still, spending time with Ryosuke like this is better than not spending time with him at all. And recently with their concert planning they didn’t have that much time for their regular meetings.
“So,” Goseki says when they go for dinner the same day, just the two of them. “What’s this thing between you and Ryosuke-kun?”
“EH!?” Tottsu almost spits out his rice again. “What?”
“What do you mean… What?” Goseki reveals his beautiful teeth through his wide grin. “You are basically hanging out with him once a week.”
“And you don’t with your friends?” Tottsu asks daringly.
“You are going ice-skating with him,” Goseki chuckles. “Ice-skating! Did you even think that through? You should tell him that you never went skating before. Please spare yourself the embarrassment.”
Tottsu blushes. “It can’t be that difficult.”
“Not the answer to my question,” Goseki says with a smile and takes a piece of his sushi.
“Listen, is it really that important?” Tottsu huffs. He should do something about his attitude though, it seems like everyone - Ryosuke excluded - always gets what they want from him. Most of the time he doesn’t mind, he just wishes not everyone would stomp over him.
Goseki looks up in surprise, and Tottsu feels instantly bad. Mainly because Goseki is one of those soft-hearted guys too, who easily gets shoved aside because he is so kind. “I didn’t mean to get on your nerves,” he stutters now.
“No, I’m sorry,” Tottsu gives in. “It’s not your fault. I just… have no idea myself. I didn’t even think about it before, or maybe I did, I don’t know.”
Goseki is all earnest all of a sudden. “You need to think about it though, you know? We are a group. If you do all this based on half-thought-out decisions it’s not going to go well for you, Hasshi-kun or us.”
“He doesn’t even see me like that though,” Tottsu points out weakly.
“I don’t know.” Goseki shrugs. “He invites you out all the time. He could have asked me or Ryoichi to go ice-skating with him. We like that stuff. But he didn’t. He asked you.”
“He doesn’t give a hint though,” Tottsu says. “Not even a tiny one. I didn’t really question it.”
“Maybe he hasn't realized it yet.” Goseki muses. “He doesn’t have much self-confidence, you know? He might think you are just having pity and hence being nice to him.”
“What?” Tottsu asks in disbelief. He laughs. “You are being silly.”
Goseki looks up in surprise. “Why?”
“Because he sings like an angel and looks so pretty. Why should he have low self-esteem?” It almost sounds like a joke to Tottsu, because… why? On top of that Ryosuke is also fun to hang out with, he is tall and…well, some people might call him hot.
“Yes,” Goseki nods earnestly. “Because low self-esteem has something to do with how pretty someone is or how others see him.” He points at Tottsu with his chopsticks, a frown gracing his beautiful face. “You know, pretty people can be self-conscious too. Talented people can be too. Ryosuke-kun feels he is younger and less talented than we are. He thinks he isn’t as skinny as we are. When we do acrobatic stunts he compares himself to us all the time.”
Tottsu looks up in surprise. “Aren’t you reading too much into this?”
“He told me.”
Tottsu almost spits out his soup again. “What!?”
“When we worked together for his solo concert, I helped him with the choreography. Remember?”
Tottsu nods warily. He does. Ryosuke was actually quite happy that he could work with Goseki back then and not with a complete stranger. He even said that he always admires Goseki’s dancing skills and trusts him so much to help him with his choreography.
“We talked a bit during this time,” Goseki explains. “And one time he told me, he feels like sometimes he is dragging us down, because he is less athletic, joined us later and-“
“Bullshit,” Tottsu intervenes fiercely, angry that Ryosuke would even think that way.
“Exactly my reaction,” Goseki chuckles.
“But why?” Tottsu shakes his head. “I mean, we obviously all have different strengths. Why does he need to compare himself to us in only one point while not even seeing his strengths. After all he sings like a little angel.”
Goseki just shrugs. “Ask him,” he offers. “After all he chose you to be the one he trusts.”
~~~
Ryosuke goes jogging for one or two hours each day. Tottsu finds it amazing how someone can be so dedicated to his work - he knows Ryosuke wants to tone up to look good for his stage play and so on, but it amazes him that he actually pulls through with this. He is a bit worried though that he might overdo things. Ryosuke is passionate, and that’s a good thing to be, really, but sometimes it makes him push things - including himself - too much.
His suspicion gets confirmed when Kawai taps Tottsu’s shoulder during a rehearsal, and points with his chin at Ryosuke and Goseki who are practising a dance move together. The sight has given Tottsu a weird feeling before. He knows these two got to talk more when they worked together, still… he can’t help it, he feels a bit nervous watching them. Hence he is glad for a little distraction. Thank you, Kawai-kun~
“What is it?”
Kawai shrugs. “Baby-boy looks tired recently,” he says calmly, using the nickname he only mentions when Ryosuke isn’t listening. “Watch out for him, will you?”
“Me?” Tottsu blinks in deepest bewilderment. “Isn’t it better for Koichi-kun to keep an eye on him?”
Kawai laughs. But when Tottsu just frowns at him, his eyes widen. “You were serious? Oh, sorry.” He sounds like he is talking with a little kid now, and if it wasn’t Kawai, it would annoy Tottsu to no end. “You two basically hang out all the time. I actually thought… you know…” He winks.
“You thought what?” Tottsu asks sharply.
“Well, that you two have something going.” Kawai nods earnestly. “We approve by the way.”
“We?” Tottsu asks weakly, not sure what to make of all the information presented to him and what to panic over first. He thought only Goseki got that feeling, but… Kawai too?
“Yes,” Kawai waves at Ryoichi, signalling him to join them. “Right, we don’t mind baby-boy and our Tottsu to be together.”
“Not at all,” Ryoichi agrees cheerfully. “We need more love in this world anyway! There is not enough kissing!”
They nod at Tottsu once more, before they leave him alone with his confusing feelings. Does he? Like Ryosuke? He has shoved this thought aside after his talk with Goseki, because… come on… as if Ryosuke would even see him in a different way than just a friend.
He has never questioned what they are, but when he thinks of it, how happy he is when they meet, how proud he is when someone else compliments Ryosuke’s skills or when he feels jealous because he talks to Goseki, his stomach clenches painfully and it feels like something inside it swirls around at the same time. He likes his cute smile and his little dimples, he likes it when they have to meet early and he is still half-asleep, his hair an adorable mess.
His heart flutters at these thoughts and a soft smile curls around his lips. When he sees how Ryouchi gives him the thumbs up from the side, he decides he needs to sport his goofy I’m-in-love face somewhere else.
~~~
First things first though, and besides Kawai pointing out his possible feelings, he also asked him to watch out for Ryosuke. Tottsu likes him, that’s why he has sometimes turned a blind eye to Ryosuke overdoing stuff.
Actually Tottsu enjoys an evening on the sofa, watching a movie over going out at night. But this time he does. He is not going to a bar or club though, he dresses and drives to their rehearsal rooms. He is only mildly surprised to see lights there.
When he opens the door carefully he sees Ryosuke going through their newest choreography. It’s difficult and it’s hard for all of them - minus Goseki - to remember their steps, so Tottsu isn’t quite sure why it bothers Ryosuke so much that he doesn’t have it down to the last bit yet.
Ryosuke spins around, his feet moving fast and his arms swinging slightly. He looks good, and what he does looks good, but he is swaying slightly, and at one point he stops, even touching his forehead in exhaustion.
When he is about to start again, Tottsu decides it’s about time to intervene. He closes the door behind him, leaning against it. “Stop it,” he says calmly. “Please stop it.”
Ryosuke spins around in surprise. “Shota-kun?” he asks in honest shock.
“What are you even doing here?” Tottsu wants to know. “Do you even know how late it is? You are going to exhaust yourself!”
“I’m not!” Ryosuke says stubbornly.
“You are good enough,” Tottsu points out. “None of us can do these dance steps correctly right now. So no need to shove in a few extra practises. How often did you actually practise secretly like that?”
Ryosuke shrugs. “I have it under control.”
Tottsu lets out an exasperated sigh. “You can’t even stand straight. Are you having a fever? You are clearly getting to the end of your strength.”
“I know what I’m doing,” Ryosuke huffs, suddenly sounding angry, eyebrows furrowed.
“Then you are forgetting that you are our fucking lead singer,” Tottsu responds, harsher than intended. “And when you are working yourself sick and over-exercise who will replace you? No one can!”
Ryosuke opens his mouth like he wants to say something, then however he sways slightly and sits down on the little bench. He looks surprisingly small all of a sudden, and Tottsu feels bad for giving him a hard time and not trying harder with being really convincing in a more understanding way.
He walks closer and wraps his arms around Ryosuke’s shoulders from behind. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
Ryosuke shakes his head. “You were right though,” he says with a hoarse voice. “It’s selfish of me to lose all my strength and leave you hanging.”
Tottsu nuzzles his nose into Ryosuke’s hair. “Your skin is warm. Are you having a fever?”
“Not sure,” Ryosuke admits, leaning back into Tottsu’s hug. “I’ don’t know. I don’t feel well to be honest.”
“Let’s go home,” Tottsu offers. “I help you. Do you prefer my place or yours?”
“Your place,” Ryosuke smiles. “It’s more comfortable there.”
~~~
Tottsu has tucked Ryosuke under a blanket and forced him to lie down on his sofa, then he started making soup. He is on a live chat with Ryoichi, though he isn’t sure if his advice is really the best. But in the end he manages to produce something out of vegetables and chicken, and it is… edible.
“Tastes good,” Ryosuke says with a smile.
“Yeah, right,” Tottsu snorts. “It’s basically vegetables - cooked too long - with dry chicken in a salty soup.”
“It tastes great,” Ryosuke grumbles. “Don’t argue with someone who is sick.”
“Fine,” he gives in. He has made Ryosuke drink tea and take same meds that would get the fever down. Now he is already looking better. “Do you want to sleep?” he asks. “Or watch a movie?”
“Movie sounds fine,” Ryosuke muses. “Are you staying or going out?”
“Do you want me to stay?”
Ryosuke nods, and Tottsu’s heart makes a now not unexpected jump. He settles down at the other end of the sofa, poking Ryosuke’s legs while he does so and making Ryosuke giggle. They watch a cheesy romantic movie and both of them weirdly enjoy it. When they watch another one after Tottsu went to buy them something to eat - he doesn’t trust his abilities much to cook for Ryosuke, so he decides to fetch them a healthy and good bento box - Ryosuke already looks better.
“I’ve never been ice-skating before,” Tottsu says all of a sudden.
Ryosuke blinks. “Hm?”
On screen the couple is about to make out. This movie is even cheesier than the other. Something about a superstar that falls for a regular girl. “I don’t know how to do it.”
“Oh,” Ryosuke blushes. “I’m sorry. I just asked you if you’d like to come without even thinking about that. I-“
“I still want to come,” Tottsu urges.
A smile spreads around Ryosuke’s lips. “Really?”
He nods. “Will you show me how to do it though?”
Ryosuke nods excitedly. “Of course,” he says, beaming. “It’s going to be so much fun, you’ll see.” Tottsu chuckles and crawls a bit closer to hug him. “Don’t catch my fever,” Ryosuke argues weakly.
“I won’t,” Tottsu says, and pulls Ryosuke into a hug.
“Never thought I’d end up with an older man,” Ryosuke jokes.
Tottsu laughs.
It’s so unspectacular how they actually get together, but Tottsu somehow likes it this way.
~~~
“I swear, if you let go of my hand I’m going to punch you,” Tottsu threatens, before revising his words. “No, I’ll drop down first, then crawl to the edge of the lake, pull myself up, wait for you to come and then punch you.”
Ryosuke giggles like mad at his mock-threat. “I won’t let go,” he says seriously. They have bought some hot tea and two meat buns for each of them. The rest of their food and stuff is in the little cottage they rented. They are going to spend the night here. Tottsu is relieved to see that Ryosuke isn’t counting his calories that strictly anymore, he is also not panicking whenever they learn new difficult dance steps. He has relaxed so much, accepted himself more and his place in their group. In return they have both found out that they love cooking together, and practising together. It’s so much fun when it’s the both of them.
Soon Tottsu gets pulled along by Ryosuke’s sudden frivolous and joyful mood, and slides over the ice himself. “I thought I would be worse at it,” Tottsu jokes.
“Honestly, you are pretty good,” Ryosuke points out.
Tottsu chuckles. “You are better.” He smiles and much to his surprise Ryosuke blushes slightly. He can be so adorable. Tottsu slides closer and wraps his arms around him, pulling him into a heated kiss. Good to know that they are alone here. Thanks to Kawai, who recommended this place, because he knows someone who knows someone who is someone’s brother-in-law, who owns this place. Which means that it’s private.
They stumble a bit while they kiss, and Ryosuke’s gloved hand moves over his back, while Tottsu has difficulties moving his arms around his waist thanks to his thick jacket.
They both giggle. “Let’s deepen that once we are in the cottage,” Ryosuke says with a playful wink.
“Can’t wait for it,” Tottsu retorts, before he takes his partner’s arm and tugs him along over the ice. They mess around for a while, circling around each other, until the clash against each other and both drop down. They laugh at their entangled limbs.
“Maybe we should deepen our thought from before immediately,” Ryosuke offers with a hopeful smile.
“Best thought you had today,” Tottsu grins. “Let’s get inside.”
Title: About green smoothies, low-carb pizza and cheesy romance
Pairing: Hasshi/Tottsu
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none (Hasshi doesn’t have an eating disorder, he is just watching his calories. Just saying ^^)
Summary: It starts innocently, without any intentions behind it, but gradually Tottsu and Ryosuke grow closer
Notes: Dear mousapelli , it was a challenge, but I had a lot of fun writing this story and I hope you’ll like it.
It started innocently, without any plan or intention to make something bigger out of it. Whatever this something means because quite frankly while Tottsu finds Hashimoto beautiful like a picture of an aspiring artist he would have never thought about approaching him in any way. Because bandmates, and friends… You forget to see the people around you as sexual beings at one point.
He would have never thought that things would change because of a weird little coincidence, a wrongly booked hotel room and an awful green smoothie.
~~~
Ryosuke is preparing a smoothie, at least Tottsu believes it’s one until he sees the ingredients. Spinach, protein powder, cucumber and tomato juice. “Did you drink too much?”
Ryosuke looks up in surprise. “Hm?”
They are sharing a hotel suite. Mainly because their hotel messed up while the others all got their individual rooms, his wasn’t booked it seems. Ryosuke was kind enough to agree to swap his room and go to a suite with him. Actually, once inside it dawned on them both that they were freaking lucky. Luxury, hello!
They even have a kitchen on their own, which lead to Ryosuke making… something. Tottsu gets back to reality when Ryosuke elbows him playfully and chuckles. “Still with me, big boy?”
“Sorry,” Tottsu chuckles slightly, always liking it when Ryosuke is playful and fun. He is surprisingly earnest recently. “I just wanted to know if you have a hangover.”
“Why?” Ryosuke switches the mixer on, the ingredients of his smoothie turning green and brown. How can anyone drink this?
“Because you drink that,” Tottsu says and grimaces.
Ryosuke looks at Tottsu first, then at the brownish liquid. He laughs all of a sudden. “It’s good and healthy.”
“This,” Tottsu muses. “Good?”
“Give it a try,” Ryosuke urges, and takes one empty glass, filling it with the liquid.
Tottsu doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by denying his wish, besides there is nothing wrong with trying it first before voicing an opinion about it. He takes the glass, bravely taking a huge sip from it. Fucking tastes exactly like it looks like. He coughs, eyes tearing up by the horrible taste of mixed raw vegetables that don’t fit together. And this awful protein powder he hates to no end. “Tastes healthy,” he says weakly before he hurries to the bathroom and spits the rest of it into the toilet.
“You are overreacting,” Ryosuke pouts as he follows him, apparently worried that he is sick for real.
“I am not.” Tottsu points at the drink in Ryosuke’s hands. “Take a sip!”
Ryosuke nods and apparently decides to go all dramatic because he takes a huge gulp from this horrendous drink, swallowing it down like it’s nothing. He has tears in his eyes though and his expression gets tensed all of a sudden. “Good,” he breaths out weakly.
Tottsu has to chuckle slightly. So proud and stubborn. It’s almost cute, Ryosuke can play the spoiled kid because he is actually really nice and shy… and young. “Listen, why don’t we get us something real to eat?” he offers.
Ryosuke smiles, and for an instant it’s almost detached from reality. It’s just a glimpse though and Tottsu is sure in another moment he wouldn’t have grasped it. “I don’t need anything.”
“You have hardly eaten anything today. Aren’t you hungry?”
“I have this,” Ryosuke points at the awful drink. “I’ve cut down on my calories a bit.”
“Why?” Tottsu asks dumbfounded.
Ryosuke looks at him like he just asked the impossible. “Seriously?” he asks in disbelief.
“Yeah,” Tottsu grabs himself a chocolate bar, ready to neutralize the horrible taste in his mouth that still lingers.
“I’m weighing more than you guys,” Ryosuke explains.
“Yeah, you are also taller than most of us, and you are not weighing so much more than we do. Ryoichi’s basically the same,” Tottsu explains. Maybe he is too old for this shit, because his weight hasn’t bothered him since a long time already. But Ryosuke is younger than he is, and he was the last one to joining their band, and it wasn’t easy for him to do so. He is also supposed to cater to the sexy image, according to their agency. Apparently people like to see their shortcomings first and not their strengths. Because Ryosuke sings like an angel.
Ryosuke takes another sip from his green-brown garbage-drink. Tottsu rolls his eyes. “I’m cooking something.”
“What?” Ryosuke asks in disbelief, his eyes widening. He looks almost cute. “You can cook?”
“That’s an overstatement,” Tottsu jokes. “I can cook the basics you could say. I’ll cook us something healthy and you can dump the drink.”
Ryosuke’s head perks up. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Tottsu says. “Really.”
“Thank god.” He lets out a sigh of relief. “Then I can spill this-“ he raises the glass with his oh-so-healthy liquid “-into the toilet.”
“Yeah, and please spit after it,” Tottsu says dryly.
Ryosuke laughs and helps him prepare the food. They make vegetables and rice, and it’s so bland and boring because that’s literally all they found in the fridge of their hotel suite, but still it tastes great when they eat it together. “We should do this more often,” Ryosuke points out at some point.
Tottsu blinks, then nods. “Yes,” he says. “We definitely should.”
From the day on, Ryo drops by each week.
~~~
Everyone has issues, Tottsu figures as much. But to be honest he wonders why someone as pretty as Ryosuke chose him as a friend and not someone equally pretty as Goseki or someone funnier like Kawai. Ryouchi is a lot cuter than he is. So, why the hell does Ryosuke want to hang out with him?
He tells Ryosuke about his feelings once when they meet and have gluten-free, lactose-free, low-carb pizza. Ryosuke brought it along when he dropped by, and Tottsu politely agreed to eat it, although he actually prefers greasy pizza, with lots of cheese and ham on it.
Ryosuke almost drops his piece of pizza. “What?” he blinks. “Do you really think I choose my friends after their looks?” He frowns. “Besides who told you that you aren’t cool or cute? Did I ever say that!? Do I really look that pathetic and-“
“Okay, okay, I apologize,” Tottsu hurries to say before Ryosuke can continue his ramble.
Ryosuke pouts. “I can’t believe you think that way.”
“Everyone has some issue or other, I guess,” Tottsu says and sighs slightly. For a while Ryosuke looks at him in wonder, then he nods tentatively.
“Maybe,” he agrees. “Just… never think something like that again, okay? I love hanging out with you, because you are you. And I happen to think that you are cute and fun. Everyone does.”
Tottsu punches Ryosuke’s shoulder lightly, mainly to diffuse his embarrassment at being complimented like that. “Thank you,” he says. “Right back to you.”
Ryosuke smiles brightly and for a moment it makes Tottsu’s stomach spin a bit. Huh? Where does that come from? To distract himself, he decides to be bold and raises one piece of the pizza. “Honest opinion on the pizza?”
“Tastes like I expect a plate with leaves to taste like,” Ryosuke chuckles.
Tottsu grins. “Can I order sushi for us?”
Ryosuke laughs and puts his own piece of pizza aside. “Okay.” He chuckles. “I should finally start cooking for myself. The take-out food I choose is horrible.”
~~~
Weeks later Totsuka decides to change their patterns, he wants to go to Ryosuke’s place for once. He basically invites himself over. He is not waiting for Ryosuke to ask him to come, he is not even emotional blackmailing him, like Ah, Ryosuke-kun, haven’t been at your place since forever~, or sulks or pretends to be sad, until Ryosuke invites him over. He is not doing any of that. Instead he just says: “Hey, mind if I drop by your place today?”
Ryosuke stares at him through wide-opened eyes. God, he can look so cute. Impossible. “What?” he finally mutters, and blushes slightly.
“Do you have anything else to do?” Totsuka asks because being pushy or not, he doesn’t want Ryosuke to cancel any dates he made previously. But to his luck he shakes his head. So, it’s set. “Cool, see you later then.”
When Totsuka rings at Ryosuke’s door, Ryosuke is already expecting him. He is even wearing an apron, an expression of deepest distress on his face. “I’m trying to cook,” he exclaims.
“But why?” Totsuka asks in surprise.
Ryosuke looks at him like he has lost his mind. “Because you are here, obviously.”
“So?”
“I need to prepare something for you,” Ryosuke argues, and Totsuka can’t help but wonder how this guy’s mind actually works sometimes. He has been at Tottsu’s place a hundred times now and Tottsu has never done anything special there. Only had a few snacks, bought some sweets, prepared tea, sometimes ordered something for them - the basics.
“You don’t need to cook anything for me,” he points out.
“Yes, I do,” Ryosuke says stubbornly, and pulls him inside. “Close the door, it’s cold.”
A peek into the kitchen tells Tottsu that Ryosuke either has lost his mind or he really misread Tottsu’s very simple invitations for foods as something awesome. “You do know that the shrimp rolls I gave you last time were bought and not handmade.”
“I know,” Ryosuke says and points at his kitchen table, signalling for Tottsu to sit down.
“Why are you going to such lengths then and cooking tempura udon?” Tottsu pushes, not ready to let the subject go so easily especially when Ryosuke is covered in flour and looks distressed and panicked while stirring in his pan.
“Because you are always so kind,” Ryosuke answers simply.
It makes Tottsu smile, a sudden warm feeling dwelling in him. He has never thought that Ryosuke would see him like that. Worthy enough to cook for and taking his simple offers as kindness. Honestly he didn’t overthink it himself, he just wanted to make Ryosuke feel comfortable and happy. “Can I help?” he asks. “I feel weird just sitting here.”
Ryosuke throws him a judging glare, before he rolls his eyes. “Fine, you can set the table,” he gives in.
Tottsu grins. “Great.”
Ryosuke has originally planned on making some sort of very specific udon dish. They end up having simple noodle soup instead, and some weirdly shaped tempura, but Tottsu finds it great nevertheless, and when he tells Ryosuke, the latter blushes happily.
~~~
“I want to go ice-skating. Do you want to join?”
Of course Tottsu wants to join, although he has never understood the appeal of ice-skating. Driving in circles on a small area with ice, while bumping against thousands of other people. It sounds so annoying. He did that when he was a kid, but now… Still, spending time with Ryosuke like this is better than not spending time with him at all. And recently with their concert planning they didn’t have that much time for their regular meetings.
“So,” Goseki says when they go for dinner the same day, just the two of them. “What’s this thing between you and Ryosuke-kun?”
“EH!?” Tottsu almost spits out his rice again. “What?”
“What do you mean… What?” Goseki reveals his beautiful teeth through his wide grin. “You are basically hanging out with him once a week.”
“And you don’t with your friends?” Tottsu asks daringly.
“You are going ice-skating with him,” Goseki chuckles. “Ice-skating! Did you even think that through? You should tell him that you never went skating before. Please spare yourself the embarrassment.”
Tottsu blushes. “It can’t be that difficult.”
“Not the answer to my question,” Goseki says with a smile and takes a piece of his sushi.
“Listen, is it really that important?” Tottsu huffs. He should do something about his attitude though, it seems like everyone - Ryosuke excluded - always gets what they want from him. Most of the time he doesn’t mind, he just wishes not everyone would stomp over him.
Goseki looks up in surprise, and Tottsu feels instantly bad. Mainly because Goseki is one of those soft-hearted guys too, who easily gets shoved aside because he is so kind. “I didn’t mean to get on your nerves,” he stutters now.
“No, I’m sorry,” Tottsu gives in. “It’s not your fault. I just… have no idea myself. I didn’t even think about it before, or maybe I did, I don’t know.”
Goseki is all earnest all of a sudden. “You need to think about it though, you know? We are a group. If you do all this based on half-thought-out decisions it’s not going to go well for you, Hasshi-kun or us.”
“He doesn’t even see me like that though,” Tottsu points out weakly.
“I don’t know.” Goseki shrugs. “He invites you out all the time. He could have asked me or Ryoichi to go ice-skating with him. We like that stuff. But he didn’t. He asked you.”
“He doesn’t give a hint though,” Tottsu says. “Not even a tiny one. I didn’t really question it.”
“Maybe he hasn't realized it yet.” Goseki muses. “He doesn’t have much self-confidence, you know? He might think you are just having pity and hence being nice to him.”
“What?” Tottsu asks in disbelief. He laughs. “You are being silly.”
Goseki looks up in surprise. “Why?”
“Because he sings like an angel and looks so pretty. Why should he have low self-esteem?” It almost sounds like a joke to Tottsu, because… why? On top of that Ryosuke is also fun to hang out with, he is tall and…well, some people might call him hot.
“Yes,” Goseki nods earnestly. “Because low self-esteem has something to do with how pretty someone is or how others see him.” He points at Tottsu with his chopsticks, a frown gracing his beautiful face. “You know, pretty people can be self-conscious too. Talented people can be too. Ryosuke-kun feels he is younger and less talented than we are. He thinks he isn’t as skinny as we are. When we do acrobatic stunts he compares himself to us all the time.”
Tottsu looks up in surprise. “Aren’t you reading too much into this?”
“He told me.”
Tottsu almost spits out his soup again. “What!?”
“When we worked together for his solo concert, I helped him with the choreography. Remember?”
Tottsu nods warily. He does. Ryosuke was actually quite happy that he could work with Goseki back then and not with a complete stranger. He even said that he always admires Goseki’s dancing skills and trusts him so much to help him with his choreography.
“We talked a bit during this time,” Goseki explains. “And one time he told me, he feels like sometimes he is dragging us down, because he is less athletic, joined us later and-“
“Bullshit,” Tottsu intervenes fiercely, angry that Ryosuke would even think that way.
“Exactly my reaction,” Goseki chuckles.
“But why?” Tottsu shakes his head. “I mean, we obviously all have different strengths. Why does he need to compare himself to us in only one point while not even seeing his strengths. After all he sings like a little angel.”
Goseki just shrugs. “Ask him,” he offers. “After all he chose you to be the one he trusts.”
~~~
Ryosuke goes jogging for one or two hours each day. Tottsu finds it amazing how someone can be so dedicated to his work - he knows Ryosuke wants to tone up to look good for his stage play and so on, but it amazes him that he actually pulls through with this. He is a bit worried though that he might overdo things. Ryosuke is passionate, and that’s a good thing to be, really, but sometimes it makes him push things - including himself - too much.
His suspicion gets confirmed when Kawai taps Tottsu’s shoulder during a rehearsal, and points with his chin at Ryosuke and Goseki who are practising a dance move together. The sight has given Tottsu a weird feeling before. He knows these two got to talk more when they worked together, still… he can’t help it, he feels a bit nervous watching them. Hence he is glad for a little distraction. Thank you, Kawai-kun~
“What is it?”
Kawai shrugs. “Baby-boy looks tired recently,” he says calmly, using the nickname he only mentions when Ryosuke isn’t listening. “Watch out for him, will you?”
“Me?” Tottsu blinks in deepest bewilderment. “Isn’t it better for Koichi-kun to keep an eye on him?”
Kawai laughs. But when Tottsu just frowns at him, his eyes widen. “You were serious? Oh, sorry.” He sounds like he is talking with a little kid now, and if it wasn’t Kawai, it would annoy Tottsu to no end. “You two basically hang out all the time. I actually thought… you know…” He winks.
“You thought what?” Tottsu asks sharply.
“Well, that you two have something going.” Kawai nods earnestly. “We approve by the way.”
“We?” Tottsu asks weakly, not sure what to make of all the information presented to him and what to panic over first. He thought only Goseki got that feeling, but… Kawai too?
“Yes,” Kawai waves at Ryoichi, signalling him to join them. “Right, we don’t mind baby-boy and our Tottsu to be together.”
“Not at all,” Ryoichi agrees cheerfully. “We need more love in this world anyway! There is not enough kissing!”
They nod at Tottsu once more, before they leave him alone with his confusing feelings. Does he? Like Ryosuke? He has shoved this thought aside after his talk with Goseki, because… come on… as if Ryosuke would even see him in a different way than just a friend.
He has never questioned what they are, but when he thinks of it, how happy he is when they meet, how proud he is when someone else compliments Ryosuke’s skills or when he feels jealous because he talks to Goseki, his stomach clenches painfully and it feels like something inside it swirls around at the same time. He likes his cute smile and his little dimples, he likes it when they have to meet early and he is still half-asleep, his hair an adorable mess.
His heart flutters at these thoughts and a soft smile curls around his lips. When he sees how Ryouchi gives him the thumbs up from the side, he decides he needs to sport his goofy I’m-in-love face somewhere else.
~~~
First things first though, and besides Kawai pointing out his possible feelings, he also asked him to watch out for Ryosuke. Tottsu likes him, that’s why he has sometimes turned a blind eye to Ryosuke overdoing stuff.
Actually Tottsu enjoys an evening on the sofa, watching a movie over going out at night. But this time he does. He is not going to a bar or club though, he dresses and drives to their rehearsal rooms. He is only mildly surprised to see lights there.
When he opens the door carefully he sees Ryosuke going through their newest choreography. It’s difficult and it’s hard for all of them - minus Goseki - to remember their steps, so Tottsu isn’t quite sure why it bothers Ryosuke so much that he doesn’t have it down to the last bit yet.
Ryosuke spins around, his feet moving fast and his arms swinging slightly. He looks good, and what he does looks good, but he is swaying slightly, and at one point he stops, even touching his forehead in exhaustion.
When he is about to start again, Tottsu decides it’s about time to intervene. He closes the door behind him, leaning against it. “Stop it,” he says calmly. “Please stop it.”
Ryosuke spins around in surprise. “Shota-kun?” he asks in honest shock.
“What are you even doing here?” Tottsu wants to know. “Do you even know how late it is? You are going to exhaust yourself!”
“I’m not!” Ryosuke says stubbornly.
“You are good enough,” Tottsu points out. “None of us can do these dance steps correctly right now. So no need to shove in a few extra practises. How often did you actually practise secretly like that?”
Ryosuke shrugs. “I have it under control.”
Tottsu lets out an exasperated sigh. “You can’t even stand straight. Are you having a fever? You are clearly getting to the end of your strength.”
“I know what I’m doing,” Ryosuke huffs, suddenly sounding angry, eyebrows furrowed.
“Then you are forgetting that you are our fucking lead singer,” Tottsu responds, harsher than intended. “And when you are working yourself sick and over-exercise who will replace you? No one can!”
Ryosuke opens his mouth like he wants to say something, then however he sways slightly and sits down on the little bench. He looks surprisingly small all of a sudden, and Tottsu feels bad for giving him a hard time and not trying harder with being really convincing in a more understanding way.
He walks closer and wraps his arms around Ryosuke’s shoulders from behind. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
Ryosuke shakes his head. “You were right though,” he says with a hoarse voice. “It’s selfish of me to lose all my strength and leave you hanging.”
Tottsu nuzzles his nose into Ryosuke’s hair. “Your skin is warm. Are you having a fever?”
“Not sure,” Ryosuke admits, leaning back into Tottsu’s hug. “I’ don’t know. I don’t feel well to be honest.”
“Let’s go home,” Tottsu offers. “I help you. Do you prefer my place or yours?”
“Your place,” Ryosuke smiles. “It’s more comfortable there.”
~~~
Tottsu has tucked Ryosuke under a blanket and forced him to lie down on his sofa, then he started making soup. He is on a live chat with Ryoichi, though he isn’t sure if his advice is really the best. But in the end he manages to produce something out of vegetables and chicken, and it is… edible.
“Tastes good,” Ryosuke says with a smile.
“Yeah, right,” Tottsu snorts. “It’s basically vegetables - cooked too long - with dry chicken in a salty soup.”
“It tastes great,” Ryosuke grumbles. “Don’t argue with someone who is sick.”
“Fine,” he gives in. He has made Ryosuke drink tea and take same meds that would get the fever down. Now he is already looking better. “Do you want to sleep?” he asks. “Or watch a movie?”
“Movie sounds fine,” Ryosuke muses. “Are you staying or going out?”
“Do you want me to stay?”
Ryosuke nods, and Tottsu’s heart makes a now not unexpected jump. He settles down at the other end of the sofa, poking Ryosuke’s legs while he does so and making Ryosuke giggle. They watch a cheesy romantic movie and both of them weirdly enjoy it. When they watch another one after Tottsu went to buy them something to eat - he doesn’t trust his abilities much to cook for Ryosuke, so he decides to fetch them a healthy and good bento box - Ryosuke already looks better.
“I’ve never been ice-skating before,” Tottsu says all of a sudden.
Ryosuke blinks. “Hm?”
On screen the couple is about to make out. This movie is even cheesier than the other. Something about a superstar that falls for a regular girl. “I don’t know how to do it.”
“Oh,” Ryosuke blushes. “I’m sorry. I just asked you if you’d like to come without even thinking about that. I-“
“I still want to come,” Tottsu urges.
A smile spreads around Ryosuke’s lips. “Really?”
He nods. “Will you show me how to do it though?”
Ryosuke nods excitedly. “Of course,” he says, beaming. “It’s going to be so much fun, you’ll see.” Tottsu chuckles and crawls a bit closer to hug him. “Don’t catch my fever,” Ryosuke argues weakly.
“I won’t,” Tottsu says, and pulls Ryosuke into a hug.
“Never thought I’d end up with an older man,” Ryosuke jokes.
Tottsu laughs.
It’s so unspectacular how they actually get together, but Tottsu somehow likes it this way.
~~~
“I swear, if you let go of my hand I’m going to punch you,” Tottsu threatens, before revising his words. “No, I’ll drop down first, then crawl to the edge of the lake, pull myself up, wait for you to come and then punch you.”
Ryosuke giggles like mad at his mock-threat. “I won’t let go,” he says seriously. They have bought some hot tea and two meat buns for each of them. The rest of their food and stuff is in the little cottage they rented. They are going to spend the night here. Tottsu is relieved to see that Ryosuke isn’t counting his calories that strictly anymore, he is also not panicking whenever they learn new difficult dance steps. He has relaxed so much, accepted himself more and his place in their group. In return they have both found out that they love cooking together, and practising together. It’s so much fun when it’s the both of them.
Soon Tottsu gets pulled along by Ryosuke’s sudden frivolous and joyful mood, and slides over the ice himself. “I thought I would be worse at it,” Tottsu jokes.
“Honestly, you are pretty good,” Ryosuke points out.
Tottsu chuckles. “You are better.” He smiles and much to his surprise Ryosuke blushes slightly. He can be so adorable. Tottsu slides closer and wraps his arms around him, pulling him into a heated kiss. Good to know that they are alone here. Thanks to Kawai, who recommended this place, because he knows someone who knows someone who is someone’s brother-in-law, who owns this place. Which means that it’s private.
They stumble a bit while they kiss, and Ryosuke’s gloved hand moves over his back, while Tottsu has difficulties moving his arms around his waist thanks to his thick jacket.
They both giggle. “Let’s deepen that once we are in the cottage,” Ryosuke says with a playful wink.
“Can’t wait for it,” Tottsu retorts, before he takes his partner’s arm and tugs him along over the ice. They mess around for a while, circling around each other, until the clash against each other and both drop down. They laugh at their entangled limbs.
“Maybe we should deepen our thought from before immediately,” Ryosuke offers with a hopeful smile.
“Best thought you had today,” Tottsu grins. “Let’s get inside.”