JE-united surprise fic for arashianelf Part 11/17
"Well, I thought it would be nice…," he says, embarrassed, scratching his cheek.
"Definitely. You two are so cute together."
- + -
When Nino ends the phone call with Sho a few hours later, sitting at Ohno's low table with some tea and snacks, his friend looks at him with wide, curious eyes. It seems that Sho has managed to find out something about Matsumoto when he called the magazine's phone number on the business card, even if the information is limited to that the young journalist is not in the office lately since he got assigned to a project in Hokkaido for a couple of weeks. Ohno looks a bit confused when Nino shares the news with him. Maybe this is, why the other is not contactable at the moment. Maybe he does not have time to deal with the situation with Ohno now, that he's busy with a project out of town. That could be possible.
Thus, Ohno is fine with the information and repeats again that Nino should leave to go back to Sho and that they will meet at university anyway to talk about the theatre project. Nino agrees, promising Ohno to keep him updated about every bit of news he gets and about his progress on the script and then, packs his stuff to get ready to head to Sho's apartment. Ohno gives him a big hug before he leaves and promises Nino, after he insisted on it, that he will call him if he needs him.
Nino is pretty nervous when he sets his foot into Sho's apartment complex. His heart is beating heavily from the excitement to see his boyfriend again and he is truly looking forward to sharing his bed again. Maybe, this night, even in a little less innocent way then what they are used to so far. It's not that this is the main reason for the young student to come back - to get laid - but he has to admit that he's thinking about what their reunion will be like, for days, and if they will finally take the next step, which is hovering between them, anyway.
Even if Nino thinks that he isn't cheesy at all, usually; he decides to give one of those famous deception tactics he knows from a bunch of romantic movies a try. He doesn't know what makes him want to do such a thing, maybe it's the overwhelming love he's experiencing recently. At times, he doesn't recognize himself anymore. It’s incredible how the encounter with Sho changed him, in a good way.
The young student takes out his cell phone before he enters the elevator, dialling his boyfriend's number and when the other answers the call almost immediately, he pretends that it is just a good night call to him - as if they haven’t said good night about an hour ago. Sho chuckles cutely, surprised but obviously very happy with Nino's call. When the young man exits the elevator on Sho's floor and shortly after presses the door bell, Sho just tells him to wait on the line, he'd just quickly open the door.
The assistant professor is literally astonished when he pulls open the door without looking at the visitor through the peeping hole first - his cell phone still pressed against his ear and he finds Nino standing there, flashing him a cheeky smirk. Surprised, Sho lowers his phone, pushing it into his jeans' pocket and the younger man mirrors his action. They look at each other for a few seconds, the attraction between them so tangible and so obvious that it's overwhelming. Nino gulps down the knot in his throat and tries to keep his heart from bursting. He has to pull himself together not to jump into the other man's arms immediately.
Sho bites his lower lip cutely before his lips curl into a happy smile. "It's you," he simply says.
"It's me," Nino answers, almost voicelessly.
"You're back."
"Seems so," the student tilts his head slightly.
"So… Ohno is OK now?" the other asks, knowing his boyfriend's concerns.
The student nods. "He said he is, yes. And I told him, I'm his 24 hours help hotline if he needs me."
"You're really a nice guy, Kazu," Sho says, smirking at the nice blush on his boyfriend's face.
"I-I just want to help my friend," the younger replies, embarrassed.
"Well, that's what a nice guy does, isn't it?" Sho asks. "Are you still fighting with your mom?"
"Yes…," Nino admits, lowering his look to the ground. "But… that's not the reason why I'm back, if that's what you think," he clarifies immediately.
Sho grins cutely. "You missed me?"
"You said, I can come back to you whenever I want to," Nino answers, trying to get around answering such an embarrassing question directly. Where did his cheesy attitude go, now that he's standing here in front of this man?
"That's what I said."
"You really mean it?" finally, Nino gathers the courage to lock eyes with the assistant professor again.
Sho smiles, sincerely. "Of course I do. And I'm really happy you came back."
"I may bother you for a few more days, if that's OK," the student says, his heartbeat back to racing.
"Sure," Sho leans his back against the doorframe; his hands casually in his pockets and Nino can't help but find the other absolutely sexy.
"I will sleep in your bed again," the young man answers and he'd be lying if he says his thoughts are completely innocent now.
"That's something, my boyfriend has the privilege to do," the other grins and judging from his expression, most likely, Sho's thoughts are not completely innocent either.
"May I really stay for a little longer?"
Sho reaches out one hand to Nino, smiling widely before he breaks into his usual cute chuckling. "Come in now or I'll carry you to my room."
"What a scary threat, Awkward," Nino replies jokingly, taking the other’s hand.
"Welcome back, Kazu," the other says, pulling the young student into the apartment, right into his arms after he closes the door.
Nino drops his bag onto the floor in the entrance area and wraps his arms around Sho's waist, pressing himself into the embrace as firm as he can. He presses his face against the soft fabric of the man's shirt, taking in his unbelievable comforting smell and even if they were talking to each other on the phone just a minute ago, even if they met each other just for lunch, it feels like a long awaited reunion that Nino doesn't want to let go of Sho ever again. He buries his hands at the back in Sho's shirt and Sho wraps his arms around Nino just as firm as the other. Nino feels the assistant professor's hand wandering to the back of his head, burying his fingers in his black hair. The second, the young student tilts back his head slightly to look at the taller man; Sho seals their lips with an eager kiss, causing the other to melt into their embrace even more, to sigh into their kiss with pleasure, making him finally feel complete again.
When Nino's knees get weak and threaten to give away under him, his boyfriend catches him in his embrace, pulling up his legs, making him lean closer as he carries him while standing. The change of position causes the younger to wrap his arms around Sho's neck now to find more stability, their lips just parting for a few seconds before they find each other again for another kiss. The assistant professor kicks away the bag that is lying in his way and starts walking, carrying Nino along the corridor - almost bumping him into the wall since he can't see due to being still occupied with kissing Nino passionately - until they finally reach Sho's room.
A second later, Sho leans forward, dropping Nino onto his bed, topping him just to bury the student in the soft bed sheet and pillow underneath him, before he continues kissing him lovingly, his forehead, his cheek, his lips, his chin.
"Sho, my shoes, my shoes!" Nino giggles. "I'm still wearing my shoes, your bed is getting dirty!"
"Let's throw them away, then," Sho answers and quickly reaches out to his boyfriend's feet to pull off his sneakers and literally throw them somewhere in his room. "Problem solved."
"I like your straightforwardness," Nino says appreciatively.
"Thanks," Sho smirks confidently.
The student reaches out his arms, circling them around Sho's neck and pulls him down again into a hug, pressing him close. They lie there for a few minutes, just cuddling, just enjoying being close to the other but they both cannot deny their growing desire.
"I really missed you," Sho whispers while he allows his hand to slide underneath Nino's shirt, the warmth of his hand spreading pleasantly. He starts kissing his boyfriend again, starting with a peck on his lips, locking eyes with him.
"I missed you too," Nino says, sincerely.
Sho kisses him again, his soft lips brushing against Nino's, slow and sweet and it's like the kiss is freezing time, Nino getting completely distracted from his surroundings. Sho ends their kiss and Nino sighs disappointedly, but it's just because the other wants to progress, allowing his lips to explore other parts of his beloved, again kissing his chin, following an invisible trace back until he reaches Nino's ear, causing him to giggle at that ticklish spot. Sho's kisses trail down Nino's neck and it excites the young student so damned much that he cannot control his breath that becomes hitching, and his body starts trembling slightly from the sensation.
The older man doesn't ask for permission as he lets his other hand continue in exploring Nino's skin under his shirt and starts pushing the piece of fabric upwards, further up until Nino automatically lifts his arms and Sho can push it over his boyfriend's head before letting it join the shoes somewhere on the floor. The cold air hitting Nino's body distracts him just for a second before Sho takes over the task of warming him with his hand and his lips immediately; spreading kisses all over his chest and letting his hands run up and down Nino's sides slowly.
A pleasuring shiver runs all over his body and the young man reaches his hands to touch Sho, his hair, his shoulders, everything he can reach, until Sho moves too much south to be in proper reach. The man teasingly kisses the very sensitive area underneath Nino's navel and caresses softly the small strand of hair, guiding a little but seductive way downwards to the slowly but surely growing bulge in Nino's pants, with his hands. Nino can't hold back a deep moan. He can't wait. Seriously, whatever Sho is up to, he cannot wait.
Sho's kisses follow his hands’ path backwards, up again. He teasingly lets his teeth brush over one of Nino's nipples before kissing his collarbones, his Adam's apple, then, again the sensitive spot near his ear, his curled up lips showing his obvious appreciation of the sensitive and excited reactions of his boyfriend's body. Nino tilts his head as Sho's tickling breath hits his ear.
"Sho…," the younger then whispers nervously, trying to make the other look at him. There is still one thing burning in him that he needs to get out. One thing he feels necessary to finally say, even if it must be obvious, even if the fact that they have been together once and are together again now, is the biggest proof for it, anyway.
"Yes?" Sho asks, looking at him with a loving expression, his hand caressing his boyfriend's face.
Nino feels that his cheeks must be blushing even more - if that is still possible. He parts his lips and looks Sho deep into his eyes. It's so easy, he just needs to say it. It's just three little words… His lips feel dry, as dry as his throat and his heart is beating so fast and intense; it feels like his whole body is shaking from it. Sho's closeness, the warmth in his look, the warmth spreading from his body, makes Nino almost feel like falling in a trance. He must be drunken from the love and the excitement he feels for this gorgeous man.
"I… I love you," Nino finally says before he presses his lips close, biting them, nervously.
He can't remember if he ever confessed to someone like this before and it feels strange, like you are laying your heart open in front of that one person and suddenly, Nino admires everyone who accomplished this step, because even if the feelings are so apparent and real, saying it, is another deal.
Thankfully, Sho catches him before Nino feels that he is losing ground from the nervousness. He catches him with his wide, loving smile and when he replies, "I love you too, Kazu, you can't imagine, how much," Nino's heart blooms in pure happiness.
He reaches with his hands to cup Sho's face, pulling him close for a kiss, pouring all of his emotions into it. Love, despair, desire, gratefulness, everything. Their kiss becomes more intense, heated, passionate and Nino knows that they will take the last step today, finally. He feels the love between them, and the need, the craving for each other. He feels ready and if he would be just a little braver, he would voice it out, just like his confession before, but Sho is faster this time.
"And I wantfall.
Sho shifts his body a little, supporting it with his elbows, still locking eyes with Nino. His look is so intense, so filled with desire - it thrills Nino. Sho brushes his hand through Nino's hair carefully. "You're ready for this?" he asks, concerned.
"Can't be more ready," the younger says, determined, pushing his lower body and his obvious excitement against Sho as proof.
Smirking at his boyfriend, Sho pulls off his own shirt quickly to reveal his well-built upper body, leaving Nino breathless at the sight. It's just then when Nino realizes once more that he never ever found any other person, no matter man or woman, more desirable than this man. And he's so excited, so immensely proud of the fact that he belongs to him, that he really stops breathing for a moment.
After another hot, loving kiss, Sho doesn't hesitate any longer and reaches out his hands to Nino's trousers, fumbling with the belt and zip to loosen them, to pull them down and free him. It doesn't take long until both of them are completely naked, underneath Sho's blanket and it's almost too hot for Nino to bear, especially when Sho starts touching him in the most intimate spot he can ever imagine. Sho takes his time, gives his boyfriend the chance to get used to the sensation. They never went this far, not in this life at least, and it must be new and maybe even a bit strange for the other. But Nino enjoys it, the new, unknown and so exciting form of contact he shares with his boyfriend now. Their hands all over their bodies, between their legs, caressing each other's manhood, getting to know the other's preferences, exploring reactions and desires. Nino wants this. Definitely. He wants it at least as much as Sho wants it too.
The older is well prepared and soon, Nino is on top of him while Sho helps him in preparing. He circles a lubed finger around Nino's entrance, who's bending forward, kissing Sho who hugs Nino's legs to be able to reach behind him properly. Once he inserts a first finger into the younger's puckering hole and Nino lets out a short, surprised noise, he immediately stops, waiting for the other to get used to the situation. He kisses his lips again and again, soothing him, telling him that everything will be fine, that he'll be careful or that he can even stop if Nino doesn't want to do it any longer. But Nino just shakes his head slightly and closes his eyes, answering the kiss. He wants it. He can take it.
Sho continues inserting his finger, slowly and Nino manages to relax, his eyes still closed. Suddenly, it's like he's thrown back in time, thoughts, pictures, feelings, sensations, memories are invading his mind. He sees himself, half dressed in a kimono, on top of Sho in almost the same position as right now. He remembers their first time, their first time ever and Sho, or Shota, how he was called back then, was the same careful and sweet gentleman like he is now. Nino knows, he can trust him, forever.
Slowly, he pushes back on Sho's finger, working with him and soon he moves on his own, finding the right, comfortable rhythm. Sho lets him do as he prefers, but soon adds another finger and another one, spreading Nino's muscles slowly. Nino flushes deeply red when Sho's fingers hit a spot deep inside of him that makes him see stars and his arms give in, letting him collapses on top of his boyfriend, his whole body trembling from the overwhelming feeling, from the lust, the excitement. Sho continues moving slowly, increasing Nino's pleasure with each thrust, until he stops, pulling his fingers out of his lover's body just to switch positions, laying the still trembling student onto the bed again. He puts a pillow under his boyfriend's butt to make access easier and reaches his hand to stroke Nino's crotch again, carefully first, then closing his fingers around the shaft, moving his hand up and down, doing the same for himself with his other hand in sync, pumping his already protected with a condom member. Nino buries his fingers in the bed sheet, pulling himself together not to scream from the pleasure.
Sho must see that the younger is close, thus he stops pumping them and continues just slightly stroking the red, erected flesh. The view of Nino, his face showing a pleading expression, his breath nervous and his chest lowering and rising in an unsteady rhythm, his legs parted and his erection proud between them, makes Sho almost lose ground. He leans down to Nino's face again, pecking his lips.
"I can't hold back any longer," he warns his boyfriend and Nino just nods, blushing. He's ready.
Sho presses the tip of his penis against Nino's entrance, slowly, carefully. The younger is prepared well, so it works smoothly and soon, Sho's member is buried deep inside of Nino's hot, tight body, causing both of them to moan. Nino needs a moment to get hold of himself, to get used to the new feeling, and to stop from trembling. Sho's kisses that the other spreads all over the younger's face help him to relax and soon he gives his sign to his boyfriend that he can start moving. Sho pulls out of his man slowly, just to push his whole length back in again, making the other scream, scream in pleasure as he hits that specific point again, right away. It's like a dream, Nino thinks. No, it's literally a dream coming true.
He continues the movement and Nino isn't sure if he can handle the overwhelming sensation. Sho's cock fills him completely, making their joint bodies feel like one, feel complete. It's just awesome. Nino never thought that sex could be something so pleasurable, something so exciting, so beautiful. Sho is definitely skilled, he knows exactly how to move, how fast or how slow, to make their first time the most awesome and memorable experience Nino had so far in his life. The young man circles his hands around his lover's neck and wraps his legs around Sho's waist, pressing them closer. Their bodies feel hot and slightly sticky from the sweat and Nino can feel his member leaking some precum that must be spreading all over Sho's hand, which has slipped between them to increase Nino's pleasure. He shivers under pleasure when Sho slightly bites his neck before he kisses the very same spot while thrusting into Nino again and again, his speed increasing with every thrust. The young student arches his back, buries his head in the fluffy pillow underneath him, his eyes closed, and they both moan in unison when they release at almost the same time.
Nino sees stars when he shoots his semen all over his belly and Sho's hand and he shivers when Sho thrusts into him, burying deeply inside his lover, moaning deeply as he fills him up with his orgasm. After a few seconds, giving them time to catch their breath, riding out their high before coming down again, Sho moves again, swaying a bit inside of his lover's body, teasingly, before he pulls out. He gets rid of the condom, reaches for some tissues, and lies down right beside Nino. He kisses his boyfriend's tired face while he starts cleaning the mess they created.
The younger is still too exhausted, too caught in the afterglow of his orgasm to do anything helpful in this situation. He's overwhelmed by happiness. His body still feels like it’s under electric shock, shivering slightly, without full control over his movements yet and his heart doesn't know what it's doing anyway. His breath is still unstable, his chest rising and lowering quickly and he feels so damned sensitive that he is sure that he will be able to come again just from Sho's caressing touch.
Sho kisses Nino's sensitive neck, smiling at the shiver running over the young man's body from the sensible touch. He smiles, looking at Nino who blushes deeply. "I think I'm in heaven…"
Just a bit later, the two men lie there on Sho's bed, still sweating slightly, feeling hot, but nevertheless not able to not touch each other. Sho's arms are circled around Nino's waist, pushing him closer, their bodies pressed together and they kiss each other lovingly, over and over, Nino cupping Sho's face. Their whispered "I love you"s fill the space in between, until they both get too tired to continue and finally fall asleep, happily, holding each other in their arms.
- + -
Nino's dream feels kind of like a continuation of what he and Sho were just doing in the young man's room but Nino knows that it's not the same time, that it's earlier, much earlier, a scene from their previous life that he's experiencing right now. He's on top of Shota, naked, like so often, allowing his hands to hover over the young lord's lower belly which is tensing more and more while Nino is riding him passionately, increasing his rhythm more and more.
"I love you, Kazu," Shota hisses underneath his heavy breath and he locks eyes with Nino.
The young servant looks down at him, fighting with the urge to just close his eyes and fully concentrate on the penetration as he moves up and down, lowering himself onto his lover's shaft in the most natural movements, bringing them both pure pleasure. They did this so often, they do this so often, Nino knows exactly how he has to move to drive the other crazy, to provide himself with the best sensation possible. They are professionals in making love to each other, it's their favourite game after all and they both cannot get enough of it.
Shota is married now, to the princess from a neighbour country, stunningly beautiful, but he obviously isn't faithful to his wife. Not even once the thought of ending his relationship with Shota crossed Nino's mind, even if he knows that they will never have what an official couple has and even if he knows that he will suffer at times because of that. He should probably feel guilty, and Shota should feel probably guilty too, if they weren't still so deeply in love with each other, feeling betrayed by fate and society for being born as what they are, in the class they came from. They don't see it as betrayal or as cheating on Shota's wife. In their twisted, lovesick minds, they see it as their right to be together whenever time and circumstances allow it, because they just know that they are meant to be together, meant to share their love, and their lives, even if they have to do so in the dark.
Shota and his wife do not have children. They tried it, just as it's their obligation, not only once, since it didn't work with the first try. For a few months after the wedding ceremony, Shota sometimes went to lay down with her, even if he hated it, as he swore to Nino, but his wife just didn't get pregnant. Maybe, she just can't.
One day, Shota started refusing to even try it but they didn't send the woman away. Like this, the lord explained to his lover, he wouldn't have to try it with another woman. He says, he doesn't care if he has children or not. He says all that he wants is "his Kazu". His wife doesn't know about them, at least she shouldn't since the two men keep their secret, but sometimes, Nino wonders, if she looks at him with those piercing eyes because she actually knows. Maybe, it's jealousy radiating through her eyes. Maybe, the same jealously that's radiating through Nino's eyes sometimes.
Even if he knows he doesn't have a reason to be jealous, since all that matters is that Shota loves him, it still pains Nino each and every time to see his beloved partner together with that woman. Walking through the big mansion together, sitting together at their meals while Nino has to serve them, seeing them on strolls through the gorgeous gardens while he is meant to stay inside and clean the floors. To the outside world, she's still Shota's wife, still the one he's supposed to love, the one he's supposed to spend his days with. And that's why Nino envies her. He wants to be her. He wants to walk openly next to the man he loves but he knows he can't. Maybe, he's too greedy...
The young man still sometimes flees to the library, the shelter from his teenage days and the place where he and his young lord became more than just lord and servant for the first time, years ago. First friends, then lovers. When Nino is able to get lost in one of those dreamy books, which he is able to read all on his own now thanks to Shota's efforts to teach him reading and writing properly, the young man feels safe. And when in the evenings, Shota joins him in the library, or he sneaks into Shota's single bedroom, and they can be the couple in love as they are, the pain is forgotten. Because even if the days with Shota are his wife's, the nights are his.
To be honest, Nino never thought about what Shota's wife would think about them if she finds out, how she would feel about the fact that her husband is in love with another person, with a man, with his servant even. Of course they try everything to hide it, but how safe is their secret really? Are they too careless sometimes?
Probably they are or they have gotten careless over the years, at least, that will explain why in this very night, they aren't alone in Shota's bedroom. They don't notice it though, until it's too late, until Nino felt the stabbing pain in his back, surprised and not able to tell what exactly caused the pain, until he sees the sheer panic in Shota's face. It takes another second until he finally senses the sharp contaminant piercing in his back, causing him immense trouble breathing and then, the thick, warm liquid running down his spine, finding its way down his lower back, between his butt cheeks, dripping onto Shota's thighs.
Nino suddenly feels overwhelmingly dizzy and he collapses on top of his lover, who shifts immediately, separating their lower bodies and catching his lover in his arms, as the younger grabs Shota's arms. He feels that the thing that pierced him gets removed and there must be even more liquid - blood - run down his back. His mind starts blurring and the young man can barely hear Shota's calls that are supposed to reach his ears. He presses his cheek against his lord's chest and manages to turn his head a little to see the culprit's face.
She's standing there, dressed in her night kimono, her hair black and long, almost reaching the ground. She's beautiful, like always, so beautiful that Nino cannot help but be envious of her beauty. But all her beauty wasn't enough to win over Shota's heart. Shota is his, only his and this is what the beautiful woman cannot bear, not any longer. Her breath is panting and she seems to be crying. Her shaking hands drop the red coloured, blood dripping knife, probably from the shock from what she did. Nino strangely feels sorry for her somehow, feels sorry for her and for Shota and for himself, because of the unchangeable fact that not all of them can be happy, not at the same time, in the same life.
He feels Shota cupping his face, slapping his cheek slightly, desperately. He tries to look at him but he can only see forms, his mind already slipping away. The man yells at him, shakes him slightly, but maybe, it's already too late. The last thing Nino feels before he slips into a long long sleep, is how Shota presses his lips against his own, soft but trembling, but full of love, like always, before he whispers some familiar words against Nino's lips repeatedly, their usual oath to each other and it makes him feel better, gives him hope.
He feels a tear leaving his eye though when he realizes that they will be separated - at least for a while -, feels it running down his cheek and he wants to reach his hand up to Shota's face, to touch it for a last time, but his hand feels so heavy, so weak, that he can't...
He feels tear drops falling on his face, tastes his partner's salty tear, the taste of their defeat, and then, everything around him goes black...
- + -
Nino wakes up in the middle of the night, taking in deep breaths, sweating, panicking, tears in his eyes and feeling an immense pain in his back.
"Kazu, oh my Gosh, what happened?!" Sho asks beside him, immediately awake too. He seems to reach for the lamp on the bedside, switching it on and turns to his boyfriend, worrying. The assistant professor immediately reaches out his hand to the younger, caressing his cheek and then moves up to his forehead, feeling it, before he brushes the sweaty hair out of his lover's forehead. "Hey, hey, calm down, Dear. A nightmare?"
Nino's breath is still hitching when he turns to look at his boyfriend, his lungs feel like they cannot inflate with air well enough and the pain, the pain is almost driving him crazy. Though not as crazy as the memory of what he dreamed about just now, no, what he remembered just now.
Right, a memory, Nino tries to tell himself, just a memory, nothing that happened just now is current. He tries to focus on Sho, tries to calm his breath down, and tries to will the pain away. He frowns painfully. It still hurts. So much that tears are forming in his eyes.
"My back…," he whispers, still crouching.
"Your back hurts again?!" Sho worries, intuitively reaching his hand to Nino's back but not daring to touch it yet. "What did you do?"
"Nothing," Nino tries to press out. "I… I dreamed…"
"Wait, calm down," the older says. "Try to breathe normally. Shall I… what can I do to help you?"
"It goes away by itself usually," Nino answers, still under pain. "Just… give me a few minutes."
Sho nods but intuitively starts to slightly rub Nino's back carefully, which seemed to help a little, thankfully. Indeed, the warm touch of his boyfriend's hand feels good, almost curing, and the more strokes he makes over Nino's back, over the spot near his birthmark, the better it gets. Nino's breath calms down, the cramping figure of his hunching back becomes less and then the pain is finally almost gone.
"Thanks," he says, leaning his, finally able to relax a bit, body in his boyfriend's embrace and reaching his hand out searching for one of Sho's to press it slightly, seeking comfort. Still he's trembling a little.
The other answers the pressure of their intertwined hands and leans forward a bit more to his boyfriend, pressing a kiss against his temple "So, you dreamed? What did you dream about?"
Nino looks at him, the memory again flooding his mind, making it hard to speak. "I dreamed… about my own death."
"What?!" the other looks at him, seriously puzzled.
"I mean, my death, from my past life…," Nino explains voicelessly. He feels tears welling up again.
His boyfriend looks at him, shocked and it takes him a minute until he can finally ask. "I never dreamed about that before… what… how?"
"Sho," the younger searches for the right words, but how will it help if he does not name things as what they are? He takes a deep breath, confronting the unchangeable truth. After all, if it didn't happen, he wouldn't be here now, right? And being here right now, together, back together with Sho, is definitely a good thing. "I was killed," he says, in a whisper.
"Killed?" the assistant professor stares at his lover in disbelief. "Oh gosh… How? By whom?"
"I was killed by your wife…," Nino adds in a low voice.
"Oh fuck…," Sho stares at him, blankly.
"She found out about us and she couldn't bear that you loved me more than her."
"I loved only you…," the other man agrees.
"In the dream, the flashback, we… we were making love and she," Nino continues, tears welling up his eyes again at the memory. "... She saw us. And she must have gotten so angry that she took a knife and… stabbed me from behind."
"Your back…," Sho whispers, shocked. "Is that why..."
Nino shrugs his shoulders while tilting his head a little. "Most likely that's what causes my back pain. I guess, my body remembers... more than my mind since the beginning."
Carefully, Sho rubs over his lover's back again, confirming that he is doing OK again and then pulls him into a tight hug. "Oh Gosh, Baby… I'm so sorry."
Nino shakes his head against his boyfriend's chest. "What are you apologizing for?"
"It's my fault that you got…"
But the student interrupts him, pulling himself together. "Sho, no, don't think like that, it wasn't your fault. And it's over anyway, I wouldn't have been reborn if not. I'm with you again now, that's all that matters."
"True, but that must be such a horrible memory," the older states, shaking his head slightly just with his imagination of it. He presses a kiss onto Nino's head, caressing.
"It is… and there is more…," Nino murmurs.
"What do you mean?"
"I, I know her, Sho. I mean, here, now, I know her. The… reincarnation of your wife," Nino finally spits out.
"What?" Sho asks, puzzled. "Who is it?"
They lock eyes.
"Keiko…"
- - + MATSUMOTO JUN + - -
It's been two days now. Two days since Jun left Ohno's apartment, as well as Ohno's life. At least, for now. He didn't look back when he closed the apartment's door. He didn't answer any calls or messages. He just can't. It hurts. So much. He feels betrayed. Betrayed by the one person he fell so deeply in love with that he thought he'd be able to change from the womanizer he was to a loving, future husband. But things went differently. Unexpectedly. And it was a real shock for Jun to see the picture of the future that he built up in his imagination, crumbling down by finding out that the supposed to be woman of his life is everything but a woman...
The young journalist still doesn't really know how he should feel about the situation. He's just immensely confused, about everything he knows. He feels that he is becoming crazy just from thinking about it.
Because of that, he gladly takes the chance that comes out of the blue and volunteers for a business trip to Hokkaido for a couple of weeks as the chief editor of Tokyo Himawari suggests. His friend and colleague Toma looks at him with a puzzled expression, as he lifts his hand without hesitation, obviously he didn't expect the other to be willing to accept this task, especially not at the moment.
As soon as their boss left the scene, the young journalist leans to his friend, whispering.
"What is calling you to Hokkaido now?! I thought you're so happy with your girlfriend, do you really want to leave her alone for weeks now?" Toma asks, a bit concerned. When Jun just continues staring at his screen and doesn't answer, his friend frowns, worrying. "Did something happen?"
Jun parts his lips but it takes him a while until he can find the words to reply. "I... maybe we are not as made for each other as I thought we are..." Still, he doesn't look at his friend.
Toma hums wondering. "Hm... and I thought you finally found the one you want to spend your life with. You were so deeply in love after all."
"Well, things can change, can’t they?" Jun answers after a huge sigh and he's sure he cannot hide the bitterness in his words.
"Come on, tell me!" Toma nudges his colleague's side. "What happened that makes you change your mind so rapidly? Is she so horrible in bed?"
"Toma!" finally, Jun turns to his friend, looking at him indignantly.
"What? I thought that's a criteria for you. Or let me think what else could it be...," the journalist turns in his chair, careful to not spill the obligatory cup of coffee that he's holding.
"Toma, please, don't. Just leave me alone," Jun murmurs, trying to focus on his article again.
"Is she a hysteric religious girl or something? Did she want you to marry her before you have sex? Or does she have some disgusting sickness or anything?" Toma doesn't listen to his co-worker and just keeps on. He chuckles before he voices his next guess. "Or did she turn out to be a guy?"
Jun stops typing. His look on the document freezes. He can feel how he turns pale.
"Matsujun?" Toma asks, his chair stopped and rolled closer to his friend. He lifts his hand, waiving it in front of Jun's face. "Ma-tsu-jun...?" The journalist lowers his hand again. "Don't tell me..."
Then, Jun turns at his friend again, his eyes spitting a mixture of anger, sadness and distress. "I won't tell you anything, just leave me alone, Toma!"
The young man jumps up and leaves his place, murmuring something about taking a five minutes break when Toma calls after him, towards where he's heading. He just needs to get out of here for a moment or... he doesn't know what he will do otherwise. He could smash his computer or he could burst into tears, he couldn’t predict his own actions any longer and it’s scaring him.
Jun doesn't take the elevator but decides to climb the stairs by foot, rushing, to get rid of some of his excess energy that he doesn't know where else to channel. It's lucky that the magazine's office is located just four floors under the rooftop of the tall building and so it's not too far for Jun to reach. However, when he bursts open the door, he's out of breath from running and his lungs are burning. He stumbles forward, closer to the edge of the roof top, hooking his fingers on the wire fence, and directs his look in front of him into the blue sky above the metropolis of Tokyo.
He pulls in the fresh air to fill his lungs again with oxygen and then he lets out a blood curdling scream, not a word, just all of his pain, frustration, despair and confusion bundled in a noise that he didn't even know he'd be able to produce.
When he runs out of air again, his knees give in and he slides down, his fingers' grips loosened and just slightly brushing the wire grid until he sinks to the ground completely, leaning his head against the fence and panting. His heart aches. It aches so much since Saturday and it's a new experience for the man. He clenches his fist and presses it against his chest, his eyes squinted. If Ohno feels the same at this moment?
Jun is in such a deep shit, he doesn't know what to do. So many emotions are hovering in him that his heart and mind cannot decide what he should feel first. He still feels the betrayal as the most prominent emotion, the disappointment in Ohno for lying at him for so long and the disappointment in finding out the truth. The fear that this could bring about an end to a relationship that they built up so sweetly... but he has to be realistic. The fact that Ohno isn't a woman but a man, changes everything. Just everything. It's not only the immense shock he felt when he found out that the person he loves isn't the one he thought she is, also the fact that she - he - is a man, just changes everything.
How can they carry on this relationship, even if they were supposed to be together hundreds of years ago? How can Jun bring himself to love a man the same way he will love a woman, when he's actually a straight man? And he's convinced, he is. He never found a man desirable. Well - until now. But Ohno has blindsided him. Has faked his appearance, has betrayed him. Jun isn't in love with Ohno the man, he is in love with Ohno the woman, a fantasy figure that doesn't exist, not really.
Things are so fucking complicated and Jun is so fucking confused that he just can't take it anymore. His broken heart makes him want to cry and Jun usually isn't the type to cry, not at all. But he cannot hold back any longer and for once he allows himself to set free his sorrow, tear drops falling down to the ground and colouring it in a slightly darker grey for a moment. He sits there, crouching, he, a grown-up man, usually the definition of composure and pride, let's his tears run down his cheeks. For a moment, he wishes he didn't fall in love...
When Jun returns to the office, trying to hide his red shot eyes, Toma gives him a questioning look and immediately rolls closer when the young journalist takes place again in front of his computer. Jun has to suppress the urge of punching his friend in the face, he really does not need him and his comments at the moment... but that is exactly what he gets.
"Dude, that's really not funny...," Toma whispers, sounding more serious than usual. "I just wanted to tease you a little and make a joke but your reaction..."
"Don't dude me, Toma, just shut the fuck up."
Thankfully, his friend doesn't take it personal. "Look, I'm sorry. But I'm your friend and I cannot ignore it when you're dealing with problems," he said instead, insistently.
Jun sighs and the urge to punch his colleague's face disappears in a microsecond. "Sorry."
"So did I actually guess right?! Your Ohno-san is a guy?!" Toma hisses in disbelief.
"Let's not talk about this here at work, please," Jun replies and tries to focus on his work again.
"Fine so after work at dinner in the Italian restaurant across the street? It's on me."
"OK."
"Definitely. You two are so cute together."
- + -
When Nino ends the phone call with Sho a few hours later, sitting at Ohno's low table with some tea and snacks, his friend looks at him with wide, curious eyes. It seems that Sho has managed to find out something about Matsumoto when he called the magazine's phone number on the business card, even if the information is limited to that the young journalist is not in the office lately since he got assigned to a project in Hokkaido for a couple of weeks. Ohno looks a bit confused when Nino shares the news with him. Maybe this is, why the other is not contactable at the moment. Maybe he does not have time to deal with the situation with Ohno now, that he's busy with a project out of town. That could be possible.
Thus, Ohno is fine with the information and repeats again that Nino should leave to go back to Sho and that they will meet at university anyway to talk about the theatre project. Nino agrees, promising Ohno to keep him updated about every bit of news he gets and about his progress on the script and then, packs his stuff to get ready to head to Sho's apartment. Ohno gives him a big hug before he leaves and promises Nino, after he insisted on it, that he will call him if he needs him.
Nino is pretty nervous when he sets his foot into Sho's apartment complex. His heart is beating heavily from the excitement to see his boyfriend again and he is truly looking forward to sharing his bed again. Maybe, this night, even in a little less innocent way then what they are used to so far. It's not that this is the main reason for the young student to come back - to get laid - but he has to admit that he's thinking about what their reunion will be like, for days, and if they will finally take the next step, which is hovering between them, anyway.
Even if Nino thinks that he isn't cheesy at all, usually; he decides to give one of those famous deception tactics he knows from a bunch of romantic movies a try. He doesn't know what makes him want to do such a thing, maybe it's the overwhelming love he's experiencing recently. At times, he doesn't recognize himself anymore. It’s incredible how the encounter with Sho changed him, in a good way.
The young student takes out his cell phone before he enters the elevator, dialling his boyfriend's number and when the other answers the call almost immediately, he pretends that it is just a good night call to him - as if they haven’t said good night about an hour ago. Sho chuckles cutely, surprised but obviously very happy with Nino's call. When the young man exits the elevator on Sho's floor and shortly after presses the door bell, Sho just tells him to wait on the line, he'd just quickly open the door.
The assistant professor is literally astonished when he pulls open the door without looking at the visitor through the peeping hole first - his cell phone still pressed against his ear and he finds Nino standing there, flashing him a cheeky smirk. Surprised, Sho lowers his phone, pushing it into his jeans' pocket and the younger man mirrors his action. They look at each other for a few seconds, the attraction between them so tangible and so obvious that it's overwhelming. Nino gulps down the knot in his throat and tries to keep his heart from bursting. He has to pull himself together not to jump into the other man's arms immediately.
Sho bites his lower lip cutely before his lips curl into a happy smile. "It's you," he simply says.
"It's me," Nino answers, almost voicelessly.
"You're back."
"Seems so," the student tilts his head slightly.
"So… Ohno is OK now?" the other asks, knowing his boyfriend's concerns.
The student nods. "He said he is, yes. And I told him, I'm his 24 hours help hotline if he needs me."
"You're really a nice guy, Kazu," Sho says, smirking at the nice blush on his boyfriend's face.
"I-I just want to help my friend," the younger replies, embarrassed.
"Well, that's what a nice guy does, isn't it?" Sho asks. "Are you still fighting with your mom?"
"Yes…," Nino admits, lowering his look to the ground. "But… that's not the reason why I'm back, if that's what you think," he clarifies immediately.
Sho grins cutely. "You missed me?"
"You said, I can come back to you whenever I want to," Nino answers, trying to get around answering such an embarrassing question directly. Where did his cheesy attitude go, now that he's standing here in front of this man?
"That's what I said."
"You really mean it?" finally, Nino gathers the courage to lock eyes with the assistant professor again.
Sho smiles, sincerely. "Of course I do. And I'm really happy you came back."
"I may bother you for a few more days, if that's OK," the student says, his heartbeat back to racing.
"Sure," Sho leans his back against the doorframe; his hands casually in his pockets and Nino can't help but find the other absolutely sexy.
"I will sleep in your bed again," the young man answers and he'd be lying if he says his thoughts are completely innocent now.
"That's something, my boyfriend has the privilege to do," the other grins and judging from his expression, most likely, Sho's thoughts are not completely innocent either.
"May I really stay for a little longer?"
Sho reaches out one hand to Nino, smiling widely before he breaks into his usual cute chuckling. "Come in now or I'll carry you to my room."
"What a scary threat, Awkward," Nino replies jokingly, taking the other’s hand.
"Welcome back, Kazu," the other says, pulling the young student into the apartment, right into his arms after he closes the door.
Nino drops his bag onto the floor in the entrance area and wraps his arms around Sho's waist, pressing himself into the embrace as firm as he can. He presses his face against the soft fabric of the man's shirt, taking in his unbelievable comforting smell and even if they were talking to each other on the phone just a minute ago, even if they met each other just for lunch, it feels like a long awaited reunion that Nino doesn't want to let go of Sho ever again. He buries his hands at the back in Sho's shirt and Sho wraps his arms around Nino just as firm as the other. Nino feels the assistant professor's hand wandering to the back of his head, burying his fingers in his black hair. The second, the young student tilts back his head slightly to look at the taller man; Sho seals their lips with an eager kiss, causing the other to melt into their embrace even more, to sigh into their kiss with pleasure, making him finally feel complete again.
When Nino's knees get weak and threaten to give away under him, his boyfriend catches him in his embrace, pulling up his legs, making him lean closer as he carries him while standing. The change of position causes the younger to wrap his arms around Sho's neck now to find more stability, their lips just parting for a few seconds before they find each other again for another kiss. The assistant professor kicks away the bag that is lying in his way and starts walking, carrying Nino along the corridor - almost bumping him into the wall since he can't see due to being still occupied with kissing Nino passionately - until they finally reach Sho's room.
A second later, Sho leans forward, dropping Nino onto his bed, topping him just to bury the student in the soft bed sheet and pillow underneath him, before he continues kissing him lovingly, his forehead, his cheek, his lips, his chin.
"Sho, my shoes, my shoes!" Nino giggles. "I'm still wearing my shoes, your bed is getting dirty!"
"Let's throw them away, then," Sho answers and quickly reaches out to his boyfriend's feet to pull off his sneakers and literally throw them somewhere in his room. "Problem solved."
"I like your straightforwardness," Nino says appreciatively.
"Thanks," Sho smirks confidently.
The student reaches out his arms, circling them around Sho's neck and pulls him down again into a hug, pressing him close. They lie there for a few minutes, just cuddling, just enjoying being close to the other but they both cannot deny their growing desire.
"I really missed you," Sho whispers while he allows his hand to slide underneath Nino's shirt, the warmth of his hand spreading pleasantly. He starts kissing his boyfriend again, starting with a peck on his lips, locking eyes with him.
"I missed you too," Nino says, sincerely.
Sho kisses him again, his soft lips brushing against Nino's, slow and sweet and it's like the kiss is freezing time, Nino getting completely distracted from his surroundings. Sho ends their kiss and Nino sighs disappointedly, but it's just because the other wants to progress, allowing his lips to explore other parts of his beloved, again kissing his chin, following an invisible trace back until he reaches Nino's ear, causing him to giggle at that ticklish spot. Sho's kisses trail down Nino's neck and it excites the young student so damned much that he cannot control his breath that becomes hitching, and his body starts trembling slightly from the sensation.
The older man doesn't ask for permission as he lets his other hand continue in exploring Nino's skin under his shirt and starts pushing the piece of fabric upwards, further up until Nino automatically lifts his arms and Sho can push it over his boyfriend's head before letting it join the shoes somewhere on the floor. The cold air hitting Nino's body distracts him just for a second before Sho takes over the task of warming him with his hand and his lips immediately; spreading kisses all over his chest and letting his hands run up and down Nino's sides slowly.
A pleasuring shiver runs all over his body and the young man reaches his hands to touch Sho, his hair, his shoulders, everything he can reach, until Sho moves too much south to be in proper reach. The man teasingly kisses the very sensitive area underneath Nino's navel and caresses softly the small strand of hair, guiding a little but seductive way downwards to the slowly but surely growing bulge in Nino's pants, with his hands. Nino can't hold back a deep moan. He can't wait. Seriously, whatever Sho is up to, he cannot wait.
Sho's kisses follow his hands’ path backwards, up again. He teasingly lets his teeth brush over one of Nino's nipples before kissing his collarbones, his Adam's apple, then, again the sensitive spot near his ear, his curled up lips showing his obvious appreciation of the sensitive and excited reactions of his boyfriend's body. Nino tilts his head as Sho's tickling breath hits his ear.
"Sho…," the younger then whispers nervously, trying to make the other look at him. There is still one thing burning in him that he needs to get out. One thing he feels necessary to finally say, even if it must be obvious, even if the fact that they have been together once and are together again now, is the biggest proof for it, anyway.
"Yes?" Sho asks, looking at him with a loving expression, his hand caressing his boyfriend's face.
Nino feels that his cheeks must be blushing even more - if that is still possible. He parts his lips and looks Sho deep into his eyes. It's so easy, he just needs to say it. It's just three little words… His lips feel dry, as dry as his throat and his heart is beating so fast and intense; it feels like his whole body is shaking from it. Sho's closeness, the warmth in his look, the warmth spreading from his body, makes Nino almost feel like falling in a trance. He must be drunken from the love and the excitement he feels for this gorgeous man.
"I… I love you," Nino finally says before he presses his lips close, biting them, nervously.
He can't remember if he ever confessed to someone like this before and it feels strange, like you are laying your heart open in front of that one person and suddenly, Nino admires everyone who accomplished this step, because even if the feelings are so apparent and real, saying it, is another deal.
Thankfully, Sho catches him before Nino feels that he is losing ground from the nervousness. He catches him with his wide, loving smile and when he replies, "I love you too, Kazu, you can't imagine, how much," Nino's heart blooms in pure happiness.
He reaches with his hands to cup Sho's face, pulling him close for a kiss, pouring all of his emotions into it. Love, despair, desire, gratefulness, everything. Their kiss becomes more intense, heated, passionate and Nino knows that they will take the last step today, finally. He feels the love between them, and the need, the craving for each other. He feels ready and if he would be just a little braver, he would voice it out, just like his confession before, but Sho is faster this time.
"And I wantfall.
Sho shifts his body a little, supporting it with his elbows, still locking eyes with Nino. His look is so intense, so filled with desire - it thrills Nino. Sho brushes his hand through Nino's hair carefully. "You're ready for this?" he asks, concerned.
"Can't be more ready," the younger says, determined, pushing his lower body and his obvious excitement against Sho as proof.
Smirking at his boyfriend, Sho pulls off his own shirt quickly to reveal his well-built upper body, leaving Nino breathless at the sight. It's just then when Nino realizes once more that he never ever found any other person, no matter man or woman, more desirable than this man. And he's so excited, so immensely proud of the fact that he belongs to him, that he really stops breathing for a moment.
After another hot, loving kiss, Sho doesn't hesitate any longer and reaches out his hands to Nino's trousers, fumbling with the belt and zip to loosen them, to pull them down and free him. It doesn't take long until both of them are completely naked, underneath Sho's blanket and it's almost too hot for Nino to bear, especially when Sho starts touching him in the most intimate spot he can ever imagine. Sho takes his time, gives his boyfriend the chance to get used to the sensation. They never went this far, not in this life at least, and it must be new and maybe even a bit strange for the other. But Nino enjoys it, the new, unknown and so exciting form of contact he shares with his boyfriend now. Their hands all over their bodies, between their legs, caressing each other's manhood, getting to know the other's preferences, exploring reactions and desires. Nino wants this. Definitely. He wants it at least as much as Sho wants it too.
The older is well prepared and soon, Nino is on top of him while Sho helps him in preparing. He circles a lubed finger around Nino's entrance, who's bending forward, kissing Sho who hugs Nino's legs to be able to reach behind him properly. Once he inserts a first finger into the younger's puckering hole and Nino lets out a short, surprised noise, he immediately stops, waiting for the other to get used to the situation. He kisses his lips again and again, soothing him, telling him that everything will be fine, that he'll be careful or that he can even stop if Nino doesn't want to do it any longer. But Nino just shakes his head slightly and closes his eyes, answering the kiss. He wants it. He can take it.
Sho continues inserting his finger, slowly and Nino manages to relax, his eyes still closed. Suddenly, it's like he's thrown back in time, thoughts, pictures, feelings, sensations, memories are invading his mind. He sees himself, half dressed in a kimono, on top of Sho in almost the same position as right now. He remembers their first time, their first time ever and Sho, or Shota, how he was called back then, was the same careful and sweet gentleman like he is now. Nino knows, he can trust him, forever.
Slowly, he pushes back on Sho's finger, working with him and soon he moves on his own, finding the right, comfortable rhythm. Sho lets him do as he prefers, but soon adds another finger and another one, spreading Nino's muscles slowly. Nino flushes deeply red when Sho's fingers hit a spot deep inside of him that makes him see stars and his arms give in, letting him collapses on top of his boyfriend, his whole body trembling from the overwhelming feeling, from the lust, the excitement. Sho continues moving slowly, increasing Nino's pleasure with each thrust, until he stops, pulling his fingers out of his lover's body just to switch positions, laying the still trembling student onto the bed again. He puts a pillow under his boyfriend's butt to make access easier and reaches his hand to stroke Nino's crotch again, carefully first, then closing his fingers around the shaft, moving his hand up and down, doing the same for himself with his other hand in sync, pumping his already protected with a condom member. Nino buries his fingers in the bed sheet, pulling himself together not to scream from the pleasure.
Sho must see that the younger is close, thus he stops pumping them and continues just slightly stroking the red, erected flesh. The view of Nino, his face showing a pleading expression, his breath nervous and his chest lowering and rising in an unsteady rhythm, his legs parted and his erection proud between them, makes Sho almost lose ground. He leans down to Nino's face again, pecking his lips.
"I can't hold back any longer," he warns his boyfriend and Nino just nods, blushing. He's ready.
Sho presses the tip of his penis against Nino's entrance, slowly, carefully. The younger is prepared well, so it works smoothly and soon, Sho's member is buried deep inside of Nino's hot, tight body, causing both of them to moan. Nino needs a moment to get hold of himself, to get used to the new feeling, and to stop from trembling. Sho's kisses that the other spreads all over the younger's face help him to relax and soon he gives his sign to his boyfriend that he can start moving. Sho pulls out of his man slowly, just to push his whole length back in again, making the other scream, scream in pleasure as he hits that specific point again, right away. It's like a dream, Nino thinks. No, it's literally a dream coming true.
He continues the movement and Nino isn't sure if he can handle the overwhelming sensation. Sho's cock fills him completely, making their joint bodies feel like one, feel complete. It's just awesome. Nino never thought that sex could be something so pleasurable, something so exciting, so beautiful. Sho is definitely skilled, he knows exactly how to move, how fast or how slow, to make their first time the most awesome and memorable experience Nino had so far in his life. The young man circles his hands around his lover's neck and wraps his legs around Sho's waist, pressing them closer. Their bodies feel hot and slightly sticky from the sweat and Nino can feel his member leaking some precum that must be spreading all over Sho's hand, which has slipped between them to increase Nino's pleasure. He shivers under pleasure when Sho slightly bites his neck before he kisses the very same spot while thrusting into Nino again and again, his speed increasing with every thrust. The young student arches his back, buries his head in the fluffy pillow underneath him, his eyes closed, and they both moan in unison when they release at almost the same time.
Nino sees stars when he shoots his semen all over his belly and Sho's hand and he shivers when Sho thrusts into him, burying deeply inside his lover, moaning deeply as he fills him up with his orgasm. After a few seconds, giving them time to catch their breath, riding out their high before coming down again, Sho moves again, swaying a bit inside of his lover's body, teasingly, before he pulls out. He gets rid of the condom, reaches for some tissues, and lies down right beside Nino. He kisses his boyfriend's tired face while he starts cleaning the mess they created.
The younger is still too exhausted, too caught in the afterglow of his orgasm to do anything helpful in this situation. He's overwhelmed by happiness. His body still feels like it’s under electric shock, shivering slightly, without full control over his movements yet and his heart doesn't know what it's doing anyway. His breath is still unstable, his chest rising and lowering quickly and he feels so damned sensitive that he is sure that he will be able to come again just from Sho's caressing touch.
Sho kisses Nino's sensitive neck, smiling at the shiver running over the young man's body from the sensible touch. He smiles, looking at Nino who blushes deeply. "I think I'm in heaven…"
Just a bit later, the two men lie there on Sho's bed, still sweating slightly, feeling hot, but nevertheless not able to not touch each other. Sho's arms are circled around Nino's waist, pushing him closer, their bodies pressed together and they kiss each other lovingly, over and over, Nino cupping Sho's face. Their whispered "I love you"s fill the space in between, until they both get too tired to continue and finally fall asleep, happily, holding each other in their arms.
- + -
Nino's dream feels kind of like a continuation of what he and Sho were just doing in the young man's room but Nino knows that it's not the same time, that it's earlier, much earlier, a scene from their previous life that he's experiencing right now. He's on top of Shota, naked, like so often, allowing his hands to hover over the young lord's lower belly which is tensing more and more while Nino is riding him passionately, increasing his rhythm more and more.
"I love you, Kazu," Shota hisses underneath his heavy breath and he locks eyes with Nino.
The young servant looks down at him, fighting with the urge to just close his eyes and fully concentrate on the penetration as he moves up and down, lowering himself onto his lover's shaft in the most natural movements, bringing them both pure pleasure. They did this so often, they do this so often, Nino knows exactly how he has to move to drive the other crazy, to provide himself with the best sensation possible. They are professionals in making love to each other, it's their favourite game after all and they both cannot get enough of it.
Shota is married now, to the princess from a neighbour country, stunningly beautiful, but he obviously isn't faithful to his wife. Not even once the thought of ending his relationship with Shota crossed Nino's mind, even if he knows that they will never have what an official couple has and even if he knows that he will suffer at times because of that. He should probably feel guilty, and Shota should feel probably guilty too, if they weren't still so deeply in love with each other, feeling betrayed by fate and society for being born as what they are, in the class they came from. They don't see it as betrayal or as cheating on Shota's wife. In their twisted, lovesick minds, they see it as their right to be together whenever time and circumstances allow it, because they just know that they are meant to be together, meant to share their love, and their lives, even if they have to do so in the dark.
Shota and his wife do not have children. They tried it, just as it's their obligation, not only once, since it didn't work with the first try. For a few months after the wedding ceremony, Shota sometimes went to lay down with her, even if he hated it, as he swore to Nino, but his wife just didn't get pregnant. Maybe, she just can't.
One day, Shota started refusing to even try it but they didn't send the woman away. Like this, the lord explained to his lover, he wouldn't have to try it with another woman. He says, he doesn't care if he has children or not. He says all that he wants is "his Kazu". His wife doesn't know about them, at least she shouldn't since the two men keep their secret, but sometimes, Nino wonders, if she looks at him with those piercing eyes because she actually knows. Maybe, it's jealousy radiating through her eyes. Maybe, the same jealously that's radiating through Nino's eyes sometimes.
Even if he knows he doesn't have a reason to be jealous, since all that matters is that Shota loves him, it still pains Nino each and every time to see his beloved partner together with that woman. Walking through the big mansion together, sitting together at their meals while Nino has to serve them, seeing them on strolls through the gorgeous gardens while he is meant to stay inside and clean the floors. To the outside world, she's still Shota's wife, still the one he's supposed to love, the one he's supposed to spend his days with. And that's why Nino envies her. He wants to be her. He wants to walk openly next to the man he loves but he knows he can't. Maybe, he's too greedy...
The young man still sometimes flees to the library, the shelter from his teenage days and the place where he and his young lord became more than just lord and servant for the first time, years ago. First friends, then lovers. When Nino is able to get lost in one of those dreamy books, which he is able to read all on his own now thanks to Shota's efforts to teach him reading and writing properly, the young man feels safe. And when in the evenings, Shota joins him in the library, or he sneaks into Shota's single bedroom, and they can be the couple in love as they are, the pain is forgotten. Because even if the days with Shota are his wife's, the nights are his.
To be honest, Nino never thought about what Shota's wife would think about them if she finds out, how she would feel about the fact that her husband is in love with another person, with a man, with his servant even. Of course they try everything to hide it, but how safe is their secret really? Are they too careless sometimes?
Probably they are or they have gotten careless over the years, at least, that will explain why in this very night, they aren't alone in Shota's bedroom. They don't notice it though, until it's too late, until Nino felt the stabbing pain in his back, surprised and not able to tell what exactly caused the pain, until he sees the sheer panic in Shota's face. It takes another second until he finally senses the sharp contaminant piercing in his back, causing him immense trouble breathing and then, the thick, warm liquid running down his spine, finding its way down his lower back, between his butt cheeks, dripping onto Shota's thighs.
Nino suddenly feels overwhelmingly dizzy and he collapses on top of his lover, who shifts immediately, separating their lower bodies and catching his lover in his arms, as the younger grabs Shota's arms. He feels that the thing that pierced him gets removed and there must be even more liquid - blood - run down his back. His mind starts blurring and the young man can barely hear Shota's calls that are supposed to reach his ears. He presses his cheek against his lord's chest and manages to turn his head a little to see the culprit's face.
She's standing there, dressed in her night kimono, her hair black and long, almost reaching the ground. She's beautiful, like always, so beautiful that Nino cannot help but be envious of her beauty. But all her beauty wasn't enough to win over Shota's heart. Shota is his, only his and this is what the beautiful woman cannot bear, not any longer. Her breath is panting and she seems to be crying. Her shaking hands drop the red coloured, blood dripping knife, probably from the shock from what she did. Nino strangely feels sorry for her somehow, feels sorry for her and for Shota and for himself, because of the unchangeable fact that not all of them can be happy, not at the same time, in the same life.
He feels Shota cupping his face, slapping his cheek slightly, desperately. He tries to look at him but he can only see forms, his mind already slipping away. The man yells at him, shakes him slightly, but maybe, it's already too late. The last thing Nino feels before he slips into a long long sleep, is how Shota presses his lips against his own, soft but trembling, but full of love, like always, before he whispers some familiar words against Nino's lips repeatedly, their usual oath to each other and it makes him feel better, gives him hope.
He feels a tear leaving his eye though when he realizes that they will be separated - at least for a while -, feels it running down his cheek and he wants to reach his hand up to Shota's face, to touch it for a last time, but his hand feels so heavy, so weak, that he can't...
He feels tear drops falling on his face, tastes his partner's salty tear, the taste of their defeat, and then, everything around him goes black...
- + -
Nino wakes up in the middle of the night, taking in deep breaths, sweating, panicking, tears in his eyes and feeling an immense pain in his back.
"Kazu, oh my Gosh, what happened?!" Sho asks beside him, immediately awake too. He seems to reach for the lamp on the bedside, switching it on and turns to his boyfriend, worrying. The assistant professor immediately reaches out his hand to the younger, caressing his cheek and then moves up to his forehead, feeling it, before he brushes the sweaty hair out of his lover's forehead. "Hey, hey, calm down, Dear. A nightmare?"
Nino's breath is still hitching when he turns to look at his boyfriend, his lungs feel like they cannot inflate with air well enough and the pain, the pain is almost driving him crazy. Though not as crazy as the memory of what he dreamed about just now, no, what he remembered just now.
Right, a memory, Nino tries to tell himself, just a memory, nothing that happened just now is current. He tries to focus on Sho, tries to calm his breath down, and tries to will the pain away. He frowns painfully. It still hurts. So much that tears are forming in his eyes.
"My back…," he whispers, still crouching.
"Your back hurts again?!" Sho worries, intuitively reaching his hand to Nino's back but not daring to touch it yet. "What did you do?"
"Nothing," Nino tries to press out. "I… I dreamed…"
"Wait, calm down," the older says. "Try to breathe normally. Shall I… what can I do to help you?"
"It goes away by itself usually," Nino answers, still under pain. "Just… give me a few minutes."
Sho nods but intuitively starts to slightly rub Nino's back carefully, which seemed to help a little, thankfully. Indeed, the warm touch of his boyfriend's hand feels good, almost curing, and the more strokes he makes over Nino's back, over the spot near his birthmark, the better it gets. Nino's breath calms down, the cramping figure of his hunching back becomes less and then the pain is finally almost gone.
"Thanks," he says, leaning his, finally able to relax a bit, body in his boyfriend's embrace and reaching his hand out searching for one of Sho's to press it slightly, seeking comfort. Still he's trembling a little.
The other answers the pressure of their intertwined hands and leans forward a bit more to his boyfriend, pressing a kiss against his temple "So, you dreamed? What did you dream about?"
Nino looks at him, the memory again flooding his mind, making it hard to speak. "I dreamed… about my own death."
"What?!" the other looks at him, seriously puzzled.
"I mean, my death, from my past life…," Nino explains voicelessly. He feels tears welling up again.
His boyfriend looks at him, shocked and it takes him a minute until he can finally ask. "I never dreamed about that before… what… how?"
"Sho," the younger searches for the right words, but how will it help if he does not name things as what they are? He takes a deep breath, confronting the unchangeable truth. After all, if it didn't happen, he wouldn't be here now, right? And being here right now, together, back together with Sho, is definitely a good thing. "I was killed," he says, in a whisper.
"Killed?" the assistant professor stares at his lover in disbelief. "Oh gosh… How? By whom?"
"I was killed by your wife…," Nino adds in a low voice.
"Oh fuck…," Sho stares at him, blankly.
"She found out about us and she couldn't bear that you loved me more than her."
"I loved only you…," the other man agrees.
"In the dream, the flashback, we… we were making love and she," Nino continues, tears welling up his eyes again at the memory. "... She saw us. And she must have gotten so angry that she took a knife and… stabbed me from behind."
"Your back…," Sho whispers, shocked. "Is that why..."
Nino shrugs his shoulders while tilting his head a little. "Most likely that's what causes my back pain. I guess, my body remembers... more than my mind since the beginning."
Carefully, Sho rubs over his lover's back again, confirming that he is doing OK again and then pulls him into a tight hug. "Oh Gosh, Baby… I'm so sorry."
Nino shakes his head against his boyfriend's chest. "What are you apologizing for?"
"It's my fault that you got…"
But the student interrupts him, pulling himself together. "Sho, no, don't think like that, it wasn't your fault. And it's over anyway, I wouldn't have been reborn if not. I'm with you again now, that's all that matters."
"True, but that must be such a horrible memory," the older states, shaking his head slightly just with his imagination of it. He presses a kiss onto Nino's head, caressing.
"It is… and there is more…," Nino murmurs.
"What do you mean?"
"I, I know her, Sho. I mean, here, now, I know her. The… reincarnation of your wife," Nino finally spits out.
"What?" Sho asks, puzzled. "Who is it?"
They lock eyes.
"Keiko…"
- - + MATSUMOTO JUN + - -
It's been two days now. Two days since Jun left Ohno's apartment, as well as Ohno's life. At least, for now. He didn't look back when he closed the apartment's door. He didn't answer any calls or messages. He just can't. It hurts. So much. He feels betrayed. Betrayed by the one person he fell so deeply in love with that he thought he'd be able to change from the womanizer he was to a loving, future husband. But things went differently. Unexpectedly. And it was a real shock for Jun to see the picture of the future that he built up in his imagination, crumbling down by finding out that the supposed to be woman of his life is everything but a woman...
The young journalist still doesn't really know how he should feel about the situation. He's just immensely confused, about everything he knows. He feels that he is becoming crazy just from thinking about it.
Because of that, he gladly takes the chance that comes out of the blue and volunteers for a business trip to Hokkaido for a couple of weeks as the chief editor of Tokyo Himawari suggests. His friend and colleague Toma looks at him with a puzzled expression, as he lifts his hand without hesitation, obviously he didn't expect the other to be willing to accept this task, especially not at the moment.
As soon as their boss left the scene, the young journalist leans to his friend, whispering.
"What is calling you to Hokkaido now?! I thought you're so happy with your girlfriend, do you really want to leave her alone for weeks now?" Toma asks, a bit concerned. When Jun just continues staring at his screen and doesn't answer, his friend frowns, worrying. "Did something happen?"
Jun parts his lips but it takes him a while until he can find the words to reply. "I... maybe we are not as made for each other as I thought we are..." Still, he doesn't look at his friend.
Toma hums wondering. "Hm... and I thought you finally found the one you want to spend your life with. You were so deeply in love after all."
"Well, things can change, can’t they?" Jun answers after a huge sigh and he's sure he cannot hide the bitterness in his words.
"Come on, tell me!" Toma nudges his colleague's side. "What happened that makes you change your mind so rapidly? Is she so horrible in bed?"
"Toma!" finally, Jun turns to his friend, looking at him indignantly.
"What? I thought that's a criteria for you. Or let me think what else could it be...," the journalist turns in his chair, careful to not spill the obligatory cup of coffee that he's holding.
"Toma, please, don't. Just leave me alone," Jun murmurs, trying to focus on his article again.
"Is she a hysteric religious girl or something? Did she want you to marry her before you have sex? Or does she have some disgusting sickness or anything?" Toma doesn't listen to his co-worker and just keeps on. He chuckles before he voices his next guess. "Or did she turn out to be a guy?"
Jun stops typing. His look on the document freezes. He can feel how he turns pale.
"Matsujun?" Toma asks, his chair stopped and rolled closer to his friend. He lifts his hand, waiving it in front of Jun's face. "Ma-tsu-jun...?" The journalist lowers his hand again. "Don't tell me..."
Then, Jun turns at his friend again, his eyes spitting a mixture of anger, sadness and distress. "I won't tell you anything, just leave me alone, Toma!"
The young man jumps up and leaves his place, murmuring something about taking a five minutes break when Toma calls after him, towards where he's heading. He just needs to get out of here for a moment or... he doesn't know what he will do otherwise. He could smash his computer or he could burst into tears, he couldn’t predict his own actions any longer and it’s scaring him.
Jun doesn't take the elevator but decides to climb the stairs by foot, rushing, to get rid of some of his excess energy that he doesn't know where else to channel. It's lucky that the magazine's office is located just four floors under the rooftop of the tall building and so it's not too far for Jun to reach. However, when he bursts open the door, he's out of breath from running and his lungs are burning. He stumbles forward, closer to the edge of the roof top, hooking his fingers on the wire fence, and directs his look in front of him into the blue sky above the metropolis of Tokyo.
He pulls in the fresh air to fill his lungs again with oxygen and then he lets out a blood curdling scream, not a word, just all of his pain, frustration, despair and confusion bundled in a noise that he didn't even know he'd be able to produce.
When he runs out of air again, his knees give in and he slides down, his fingers' grips loosened and just slightly brushing the wire grid until he sinks to the ground completely, leaning his head against the fence and panting. His heart aches. It aches so much since Saturday and it's a new experience for the man. He clenches his fist and presses it against his chest, his eyes squinted. If Ohno feels the same at this moment?
Jun is in such a deep shit, he doesn't know what to do. So many emotions are hovering in him that his heart and mind cannot decide what he should feel first. He still feels the betrayal as the most prominent emotion, the disappointment in Ohno for lying at him for so long and the disappointment in finding out the truth. The fear that this could bring about an end to a relationship that they built up so sweetly... but he has to be realistic. The fact that Ohno isn't a woman but a man, changes everything. Just everything. It's not only the immense shock he felt when he found out that the person he loves isn't the one he thought she is, also the fact that she - he - is a man, just changes everything.
How can they carry on this relationship, even if they were supposed to be together hundreds of years ago? How can Jun bring himself to love a man the same way he will love a woman, when he's actually a straight man? And he's convinced, he is. He never found a man desirable. Well - until now. But Ohno has blindsided him. Has faked his appearance, has betrayed him. Jun isn't in love with Ohno the man, he is in love with Ohno the woman, a fantasy figure that doesn't exist, not really.
Things are so fucking complicated and Jun is so fucking confused that he just can't take it anymore. His broken heart makes him want to cry and Jun usually isn't the type to cry, not at all. But he cannot hold back any longer and for once he allows himself to set free his sorrow, tear drops falling down to the ground and colouring it in a slightly darker grey for a moment. He sits there, crouching, he, a grown-up man, usually the definition of composure and pride, let's his tears run down his cheeks. For a moment, he wishes he didn't fall in love...
When Jun returns to the office, trying to hide his red shot eyes, Toma gives him a questioning look and immediately rolls closer when the young journalist takes place again in front of his computer. Jun has to suppress the urge of punching his friend in the face, he really does not need him and his comments at the moment... but that is exactly what he gets.
"Dude, that's really not funny...," Toma whispers, sounding more serious than usual. "I just wanted to tease you a little and make a joke but your reaction..."
"Don't dude me, Toma, just shut the fuck up."
Thankfully, his friend doesn't take it personal. "Look, I'm sorry. But I'm your friend and I cannot ignore it when you're dealing with problems," he said instead, insistently.
Jun sighs and the urge to punch his colleague's face disappears in a microsecond. "Sorry."
"So did I actually guess right?! Your Ohno-san is a guy?!" Toma hisses in disbelief.
"Let's not talk about this here at work, please," Jun replies and tries to focus on his work again.
"Fine so after work at dinner in the Italian restaurant across the street? It's on me."
"OK."