Comments | jbknowles: A New Beginning for The End of Teachers Write :)

jbknowles

A New Beginning for The End of Teachers Write :)

Jul 27, 2015 06:00

Hello Teachers and Welcome to our Final Teachers Write Monday Morning Warm-Up! I've had such a great time reading your work and being inspired by your enthusiasm and energy! I hope you've had fun, too ( Read more... )

teachers write, monday morning warm-up

Comments 21

My opening paragraph ext_2035891 July 27 2015, 11:39:49 UTC

Here is the opening paragraph from a WIP called "Greed ( ... )

Re: My opening paragraph ext_3216907 July 27 2015, 23:59:37 UTC

You've definitely reeled me in with your immediate action and short sentences. You've set the mood beautifully and I'm frantic with Emily. I feel her desperation. Nice! I want to hear her voice more, though. Maybe rather than "tears ran down her cheeks, afraid she'd never see her family again" you had her thinking and acting: "She brushed at the tears on her cheeks. What if she never saw her family again?" I'm also wondering how old she is- the man chasing is older, the boy she meets is her age, but I don't know what that is. Of course, this is so brief, you probably divulge it later in your piece!

Re: My opening paragraph ext_1039016 July 28 2015, 10:22:24 UTC

This paragraph raises a lot of questions in my mind! I'm worried for Emily. I wonder if you need the line "She was younger than the man...etc" because it slows down the emotion of the paragraph. So interesting that she ends up meeting a boy. I wonder what's going to happen!

New Beginning to my Opening Scene anonymous July 27 2015, 12:54:42 UTC

Good Morning, Jo and fellow Teachers Write Campers ( ... )

New Beginning to my Opening Scene ext_2035915 July 27 2015, 12:54:59 UTC

Good Morning, Jo and fellow Teachers Write Campers ( ... )

Re: New Beginning to my Opening Scene ext_2035915 July 27 2015, 15:41:16 UTC

Wendy I feel the same way today! I am so grateful I found this community of writers and teachers, everyone has been so kind and helpful. It's extremely encouraging. I also want to comment that I love your opening scene, so wonderfully visual!

Re: New Beginning to my Opening Scene ext_3227328 July 27 2015, 15:42:03 UTC

Re: New Beginning to my Opening Scene ext_2035915 July 28 2015, 10:06:35 UTC

Thank you so much!

Thread 6

New Beginnings ext_2665811 July 27 2015, 14:14:30 UTC

Good morning, Jo and TWer’s ( ... )

In the Beginning anonymous July 27 2015, 18:28:05 UTC

I've been working on a series of essays and I have been struggling with how to tie them all together. I am hopeful that this might be an intriguing intro and I am also hoepful that it isn't too cliche. First paragraph, here goes...

The road was so dark, that she nearly missed the driveway. There was no moon and the sky was lightly overcast giving the woods an eerie shimmer. She drove slowly down the dirt driveway, lowering the windows to listen to the woods. As the tires crunched a rhythm into the sand and pine needles, Sarah listened to the world outside. Birds rustled the leaves of the trees lining the way. In the next drive, an owl called out a greeting. The scent of pine and moist leaves filled her nose and her memory. This driveway had always lead to safety, to love, companionship, to family. There was always a sense of excitement and adventure when Sarah approached the cottage, but tonight it was different. Tonight was not like any other night at the lake.