Jashley fic: 5 of (?)
Author's Note: It's been a month, I know. Sorry. I had a research paper and homework and just a bunch of stuff going on. Though I can't say February-March is going to be any less busy, I'll try for a quicker update. Hope everyone likes part five!
Disclaimer: No, they're not mine. Ask me again later.
Title: Anyone Else But You
Pairing: Ashley/Jackson
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “And when Ashley senses someone looking over at her, she accidentally meets his eyes, and he doesn’t look happy or angry or anything specific. In the brief flash of their eyes meeting, she sees a turmoil that makes her feel guilty, but also, a yearning that leaves her deliciously breathless.”
(Part one: The monkey on your back is the latest trend)
(Part two: I want more fans you want more stage)
(Part three: You're always trying to keep it real)
(Part four: I kiss you all starry-eyed)
Part Five
“My body’s swingin’ from side to side”
One word enters Ashley's brain when she wakes up.
Shit.
As she lays in bed and stares at the ceiling, she recalls the events of the night before, trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her. Did she suddenly have some kind of lapse in judgment? Did she instantaneously lose her mind? She must have, because there can be no other explanation for what she did last night- for what she allowed to happen. Sure, she was upset and confused- and extremely vulnerable- about Tom's text message. Yeah, she was fully aware of her revelation that she had some feelings for Jackson that she hadn't known she had. But she knows there's not excuse. They work together. They're friends- Well, maybe not anymore. Groaning, Ashley grabs her pillow and presses it over her face.
Jackson and I kissed.
And there's that word again.
Shit.
What happens now? Nobody knows, so does she tell someone? Does she act like it never happen? Should she talk to Jackson about it? The thought sends her heart racing- and not entirely in a good way- and she digs her fingers into her pillow and squeezes at fistfuls of down.
The kiss- though wonderful and sweet and everything she had ever wanted in a kiss- had not ended well.
With her lips molding themselves perfectly against Jackson's she had breathed gently through her nose. And though she hadn't taken a particularly deep breath, she had inhaled the subtle scent of gasoline. There was no significant meaning behind the smell of gasoline, but something about it had made her feel very grounded. And it made her realize that what was happening was real- that she was actually kissing Jackson, one of her best friends, her coworker, her castmate, her on-screen husband. What would things look like in the morning? she had wondered. Would she regret this? And just like that, she ripped herself away from him and took a step back.
Though there's no one to see her reaction now, Ashley cringes and twists her face in regret and disgust and horror. She can still see the look of confusion and hurt and worry on Jackson's face as he gazed back at her, inquisitive but cautious.
"I-I have to go," she had stammered, and had quickly hurried to her car and drove away.
And now she feels like the biggest jackass on the West coast.
She is sure she's going to self-combust or fold inward on herself or something, so she leaps from her bed and hurries out of her room. The rest of the apartment is silent, and Ashley remembers that Yarah is at a meeting with some Balenciaga representatives, and that she won't be back until at least four. Avoiding her purse, which contains her cell phone, which doubtless contains several text messages she just doesn't want to read, she moves into the kitchen.
For a moment she just stands and stares out the window, feeling as if she's going to fall apart if she's not careful.
And then she knows she needs one of the only things that can always glue her back together- save for Jackson, which, she's obviously not going to call him now. Hurrying for the landline, she smiles for the first time since she woke up, praying, hoping, and yearning for some kind of answer- some kind of relief.
-+-+-+-+-
Jackson's up when Ben stumbles into the kitchen for breakfast.
Actually, Jackson never went to sleep, but he doesn't correct Ben when he says, "You're up early." He just makes a 'hmmmm' noise and continues staring out the kitchen window, with Dean rubbing against his legs, making high-pitched mewing noises.
"Dude, I think your cat's trying to tell you something," Ben says, sounding amused.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Jackson looks down and realizes he hasn't put any food in Dean's bowl this morning. He gets up and walks over to the cabinet, with Ben watching him the whole time, and retrieves the bag of dry cat food. As he fills up the bowl on the floor, he's still distracted- still full of thoughts and an anxiety that he can't explain- and somehow, Ben can tell. But it's not until he puts the bag away and turns around, that he realizes his roommate is still staring at him, with an inquisitive look on his face.
Without a word- without even realizing Ben is staring at him still- Jackson sits back down and looks out the window.
"Oh no."
This makes Jackson look up.
"Oh no."
Shaking his head- because there's nothing that's apparently wrong- Jackson says, "What?"
"Something happened," Ben replies.
Jackson doesn't confirm or deny this, just continues to stare at his roommate. He's not sure if he wants to tell Ben about kissing Ashley. Part of him wants to keep it locked up inside him until he dies- only for him and Ashley to know- but another part of him wants to tell everyone that is currently living and breathing on planet earth. But he remembers how Ashley abruptly pulled away from the kiss and left- how he called after the car and she didn't stop- and he keeps his mouth shut. He's too afraid something's wrong and that he screwed everything to even think straight. And he only hopes that sending nearly half a dozen text messages to her phone, asking her if she's okay, that they need to talk, etc., is okay. But since she hasn't responded to one of them- or any of his phone calls- he's pretty sure that everything is not okay. At least not right now.
"Something happened.... With Ashley," Ben ventures, his eyes widening a little.
Feeling as if he's going to be sick, Jackson says, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Aw, shit, man, what happened?" he replies, sitting down across from him. "Did you make a move?"
"Shut up," Jackson says tiredly, wincing.
Ben gestures for Jackson to continue, saying, "I need more to go on."
"Ben, I really don't want to talk about it," he says, feeling as if he's going to collapse from exhaustion all of a sudden. "And I'm not just saying that."
Sighing, Ben says, "Fine, but I could help."
Jackson highly doubts this.
"I'll let you know if I change my mind," he says anyway, standing. "I've got to get to work."
And as he grabs his keys and his wallet, he wonders if he's going to get any work done today anyway.
-+-+-+-+-
"Hit-Men-R-Us, you need a killer, we supply, how can I help you?"
Ashley can't help but laugh out loud when she hears this, saying, "My God, Joe, I hope you don't always answer the phone like that."
"Only when I have a shitload of studying to do for Physics Honors," her brother replies. "Besides, I saw your number on the I.D."
"Aren't you a senior or something?" she jokes. "Shouldn't you be slacking off?"
Joe laughs out loud, "This is me you're talking to."
"Right-right, the boy who practically lives at Overachievers Anonymous," she teases. "Is Mom home?"
"That depends," he replies.
She rolls her eyes with a good-natured smile, saying, "On?"
"Whether you can get me a date with Yarah."
Scoffing, Ashley says, "Give me a break, Joe. Put Mom on the phone."
"Fine," he says. "But you're in debt to me now."
"Yeah-yeah," she replies, waiting as her brother hands the phone off to their mother.
It takes a moment before she hears her mom saying, "Shmash? Is that you babydoll?"
Hearing her mom's voice and her nickname makes her yearn for Jacksonville, and she feels her eyes burn as she says, "Hi, mom."
"How are you? How's L.A. and work?"
She pauses.
After a beat that is too long for her mother's liking, Mrs. Greene says, "Uh oh, what does that mean?"
Ashley lets her breath out in a whoosh and she says, "Mom, I need your advice."
"What is it?"
"You know Jackson," she says, and she can feel herself wincing.
After a beat her mother suspiciously says, "Yes?"
"Well, last night we kissed."
The first thing out of her mother's mouth is: "What about Tom?"
"Tom and I broke up a few days ago," she sighs.
"Well, good riddance," she replies under her breath.
Ashley scolds, "Mom!"
"Sorry."
"I need your help!"
Mrs. Greene straightens up saying, "Right-right. What do you need my advice on?"
"Jackson...." she bites her lip. "What do I do?"
"Well, baby, do you like him?"
Oh God. Ashley feels her whole body stiffen and her heart speed up.
She hisses, "Mom, he's one of my best friends!"
"So?" is the retort. "Do you like him or not?"
She does. She knows she does.
Her mother takes her silence as confirmation, and she says, "Ashley, listen. To hell with Hollywood and everyone else. Got it? What do you feel about him? What does he feel about you?"
She knows she can't speak for Jackson, but she weakly says, "I do like him," because she's afraid of what it means.
"Then go get him, tiger."
Somehow, she wishes this was more helpful.
-+-+-+-+-
Though Ashley has confronted her feelings for Jackson, she can't bring herself to call or text him all day. All she can do is keep herself holed up in her room, watching Some Like it Hot and trying to avoid thinking about the consequences of having feelings for Jackson.
The following day, though, when her agent calls her and tells her she has a meeting with Summit and a handful of the returning actors tomorrow evening- just so she can get some lines, schedules, and booking information- she knows she can't stay in hiding any longer. So, she showers and goes about doing her hair and make-up as if this was any other day and any other business meeting. She doesn't get especially dressed up and she doesn't do her hair or her make-up specially either.
It's another day. Another meeting.
And that may be the mantra she's trailing through her head, but that's most certainly not how it feels when she's in the car, making her way to the Beverly Hills Hotel, feeling as if she's driving to a volcano so she can throw herself into the mouth of it.
When she turns into the parking lot and drops her car off with the valet, she's sure she's about to walk into the lion's den as well, and she knows there's nothing she can do about it.
-+-+-+-+-
When Ashley walks into the room, Jackson’s heart leaps in his chest and his mouth goes a little dry. It’s been torturous- waiting and wondering what she’s thinking and feeling- how she’s reacting to their kiss. She hasn’t returned any of his calls or his texts, and it took an insane amount of strength to keep himself from bombarding her with even more- or worse, going to her apartment and tracking her down in person- all day today, and it’s making him feel itchy and restless. He watches as she smiles and says hello to everyone, not making eye contact with him once. She walks over to talk to one of the ADs, and Jackson can feel several pairs of eyes turn to him.
The fact that she didn’t say a direct hello to him- accompanied by a hug, as per usual- has not gone unnoticed.
Kristen shifts on the couch where she’s sitting and looks questioningly from Nikki to Rob, before looking back to Jackson. Nikki raises her eyebrows and Rob shrugs, looking to Kellan. Kellan, being the vocal and frank person that he is, breaks the tension. “So.... what the fuck?”
Jackson ignores this and stares at Ashley, who’s talking and smiling with the AD, holding a copy of a portion of the script, also receiving schedules and booking information.
“Jackson?” Kellan presses.
Jackson only shakes his head in response.
He’s still staring at Ashley, feeling a tormented mix of anger, frustration, indignation, and worried anxiety tightening his chest and tossing his stomach mercilessly. Though he’s worried that Ashley doesn’t return his feelings- or worse, that this will ruin their friendship- Jackson can’t help but feel a little angry. He can respect her need for space and time, but he doesn’t know how long he’ll tolerate being flat-out ignored and pushed aside. Feeling a wave of determination that leaves him somewhat confident, he makes a resolution to get Ashley to say something to him before either of them leaves the hotel.
“Did something happen?” Nikki asks quietly. “When she left the other night and you followed her?”
Kellan looks like he’s just won the lottery.
Jackson gives him a warning look, because he knows he’s going to open his mouth and say something stupid and brutally honest.
Of course, Kellan ignores his look and excitedly whispers, “No effing way! Did you guys leave together or something?”
Everyone turns and looks at him, and he contemplates punching someone in the face.
“Lutz, shut up.”
“No, really-” but he cuts himself off as Ashley walks over and sits down on the couch beside Kellan, diagonally across from Jackson.
Everyone falls silent- the way people do when they’ve just been talking about you- and Ashley looks around, avoiding meeting Jackson’s eyes.
“What?” she says.
Everyone rushes to say ‘Nothing,’ but she knows that it has to be something. And considering the current circumstances, she has something of an idea that whatever it is involves her and a certain Mr. Rathbone.
One of the producer’s assistants comes over, clapping to get everyone’s attention. Jackson doesn’t look away from Ashley once, and he’s vaguely aware of the man giving them a rundown of shooting timelines and different travel information, but he doesn’t listen. He’s too distracted- too wrapped up in what’s going on and what he hopes isn’t falling apart. And when Ashley senses someone looking over at her, she accidentally meets his eyes, and he doesn’t look happy or angry or anything specific. In the brief flash of their eyes meeting, she sees a turmoil that makes her feel guilty, but also, a yearning that leaves her deliciously breathless.
Disclaimer: No, they're not mine. Ask me again later.
Title: Anyone Else But You
Pairing: Ashley/Jackson
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “And when Ashley senses someone looking over at her, she accidentally meets his eyes, and he doesn’t look happy or angry or anything specific. In the brief flash of their eyes meeting, she sees a turmoil that makes her feel guilty, but also, a yearning that leaves her deliciously breathless.”
(Part one: The monkey on your back is the latest trend)
(Part two: I want more fans you want more stage)
(Part three: You're always trying to keep it real)
(Part four: I kiss you all starry-eyed)
Part Five
“My body’s swingin’ from side to side”
One word enters Ashley's brain when she wakes up.
Shit.
As she lays in bed and stares at the ceiling, she recalls the events of the night before, trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her. Did she suddenly have some kind of lapse in judgment? Did she instantaneously lose her mind? She must have, because there can be no other explanation for what she did last night- for what she allowed to happen. Sure, she was upset and confused- and extremely vulnerable- about Tom's text message. Yeah, she was fully aware of her revelation that she had some feelings for Jackson that she hadn't known she had. But she knows there's not excuse. They work together. They're friends- Well, maybe not anymore. Groaning, Ashley grabs her pillow and presses it over her face.
Jackson and I kissed.
And there's that word again.
Shit.
What happens now? Nobody knows, so does she tell someone? Does she act like it never happen? Should she talk to Jackson about it? The thought sends her heart racing- and not entirely in a good way- and she digs her fingers into her pillow and squeezes at fistfuls of down.
The kiss- though wonderful and sweet and everything she had ever wanted in a kiss- had not ended well.
With her lips molding themselves perfectly against Jackson's she had breathed gently through her nose. And though she hadn't taken a particularly deep breath, she had inhaled the subtle scent of gasoline. There was no significant meaning behind the smell of gasoline, but something about it had made her feel very grounded. And it made her realize that what was happening was real- that she was actually kissing Jackson, one of her best friends, her coworker, her castmate, her on-screen husband. What would things look like in the morning? she had wondered. Would she regret this? And just like that, she ripped herself away from him and took a step back.
Though there's no one to see her reaction now, Ashley cringes and twists her face in regret and disgust and horror. She can still see the look of confusion and hurt and worry on Jackson's face as he gazed back at her, inquisitive but cautious.
"I-I have to go," she had stammered, and had quickly hurried to her car and drove away.
And now she feels like the biggest jackass on the West coast.
She is sure she's going to self-combust or fold inward on herself or something, so she leaps from her bed and hurries out of her room. The rest of the apartment is silent, and Ashley remembers that Yarah is at a meeting with some Balenciaga representatives, and that she won't be back until at least four. Avoiding her purse, which contains her cell phone, which doubtless contains several text messages she just doesn't want to read, she moves into the kitchen.
For a moment she just stands and stares out the window, feeling as if she's going to fall apart if she's not careful.
And then she knows she needs one of the only things that can always glue her back together- save for Jackson, which, she's obviously not going to call him now. Hurrying for the landline, she smiles for the first time since she woke up, praying, hoping, and yearning for some kind of answer- some kind of relief.
-+-+-+-+-
Jackson's up when Ben stumbles into the kitchen for breakfast.
Actually, Jackson never went to sleep, but he doesn't correct Ben when he says, "You're up early." He just makes a 'hmmmm' noise and continues staring out the kitchen window, with Dean rubbing against his legs, making high-pitched mewing noises.
"Dude, I think your cat's trying to tell you something," Ben says, sounding amused.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Jackson looks down and realizes he hasn't put any food in Dean's bowl this morning. He gets up and walks over to the cabinet, with Ben watching him the whole time, and retrieves the bag of dry cat food. As he fills up the bowl on the floor, he's still distracted- still full of thoughts and an anxiety that he can't explain- and somehow, Ben can tell. But it's not until he puts the bag away and turns around, that he realizes his roommate is still staring at him, with an inquisitive look on his face.
Without a word- without even realizing Ben is staring at him still- Jackson sits back down and looks out the window.
"Oh no."
This makes Jackson look up.
"Oh no."
Shaking his head- because there's nothing that's apparently wrong- Jackson says, "What?"
"Something happened," Ben replies.
Jackson doesn't confirm or deny this, just continues to stare at his roommate. He's not sure if he wants to tell Ben about kissing Ashley. Part of him wants to keep it locked up inside him until he dies- only for him and Ashley to know- but another part of him wants to tell everyone that is currently living and breathing on planet earth. But he remembers how Ashley abruptly pulled away from the kiss and left- how he called after the car and she didn't stop- and he keeps his mouth shut. He's too afraid something's wrong and that he screwed everything to even think straight. And he only hopes that sending nearly half a dozen text messages to her phone, asking her if she's okay, that they need to talk, etc., is okay. But since she hasn't responded to one of them- or any of his phone calls- he's pretty sure that everything is not okay. At least not right now.
"Something happened.... With Ashley," Ben ventures, his eyes widening a little.
Feeling as if he's going to be sick, Jackson says, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Aw, shit, man, what happened?" he replies, sitting down across from him. "Did you make a move?"
"Shut up," Jackson says tiredly, wincing.
Ben gestures for Jackson to continue, saying, "I need more to go on."
"Ben, I really don't want to talk about it," he says, feeling as if he's going to collapse from exhaustion all of a sudden. "And I'm not just saying that."
Sighing, Ben says, "Fine, but I could help."
Jackson highly doubts this.
"I'll let you know if I change my mind," he says anyway, standing. "I've got to get to work."
And as he grabs his keys and his wallet, he wonders if he's going to get any work done today anyway.
-+-+-+-+-
"Hit-Men-R-Us, you need a killer, we supply, how can I help you?"
Ashley can't help but laugh out loud when she hears this, saying, "My God, Joe, I hope you don't always answer the phone like that."
"Only when I have a shitload of studying to do for Physics Honors," her brother replies. "Besides, I saw your number on the I.D."
"Aren't you a senior or something?" she jokes. "Shouldn't you be slacking off?"
Joe laughs out loud, "This is me you're talking to."
"Right-right, the boy who practically lives at Overachievers Anonymous," she teases. "Is Mom home?"
"That depends," he replies.
She rolls her eyes with a good-natured smile, saying, "On?"
"Whether you can get me a date with Yarah."
Scoffing, Ashley says, "Give me a break, Joe. Put Mom on the phone."
"Fine," he says. "But you're in debt to me now."
"Yeah-yeah," she replies, waiting as her brother hands the phone off to their mother.
It takes a moment before she hears her mom saying, "Shmash? Is that you babydoll?"
Hearing her mom's voice and her nickname makes her yearn for Jacksonville, and she feels her eyes burn as she says, "Hi, mom."
"How are you? How's L.A. and work?"
She pauses.
After a beat that is too long for her mother's liking, Mrs. Greene says, "Uh oh, what does that mean?"
Ashley lets her breath out in a whoosh and she says, "Mom, I need your advice."
"What is it?"
"You know Jackson," she says, and she can feel herself wincing.
After a beat her mother suspiciously says, "Yes?"
"Well, last night we kissed."
The first thing out of her mother's mouth is: "What about Tom?"
"Tom and I broke up a few days ago," she sighs.
"Well, good riddance," she replies under her breath.
Ashley scolds, "Mom!"
"Sorry."
"I need your help!"
Mrs. Greene straightens up saying, "Right-right. What do you need my advice on?"
"Jackson...." she bites her lip. "What do I do?"
"Well, baby, do you like him?"
Oh God. Ashley feels her whole body stiffen and her heart speed up.
She hisses, "Mom, he's one of my best friends!"
"So?" is the retort. "Do you like him or not?"
She does. She knows she does.
Her mother takes her silence as confirmation, and she says, "Ashley, listen. To hell with Hollywood and everyone else. Got it? What do you feel about him? What does he feel about you?"
She knows she can't speak for Jackson, but she weakly says, "I do like him," because she's afraid of what it means.
"Then go get him, tiger."
Somehow, she wishes this was more helpful.
-+-+-+-+-
Though Ashley has confronted her feelings for Jackson, she can't bring herself to call or text him all day. All she can do is keep herself holed up in her room, watching Some Like it Hot and trying to avoid thinking about the consequences of having feelings for Jackson.
The following day, though, when her agent calls her and tells her she has a meeting with Summit and a handful of the returning actors tomorrow evening- just so she can get some lines, schedules, and booking information- she knows she can't stay in hiding any longer. So, she showers and goes about doing her hair and make-up as if this was any other day and any other business meeting. She doesn't get especially dressed up and she doesn't do her hair or her make-up specially either.
It's another day. Another meeting.
And that may be the mantra she's trailing through her head, but that's most certainly not how it feels when she's in the car, making her way to the Beverly Hills Hotel, feeling as if she's driving to a volcano so she can throw herself into the mouth of it.
When she turns into the parking lot and drops her car off with the valet, she's sure she's about to walk into the lion's den as well, and she knows there's nothing she can do about it.
-+-+-+-+-
When Ashley walks into the room, Jackson’s heart leaps in his chest and his mouth goes a little dry. It’s been torturous- waiting and wondering what she’s thinking and feeling- how she’s reacting to their kiss. She hasn’t returned any of his calls or his texts, and it took an insane amount of strength to keep himself from bombarding her with even more- or worse, going to her apartment and tracking her down in person- all day today, and it’s making him feel itchy and restless. He watches as she smiles and says hello to everyone, not making eye contact with him once. She walks over to talk to one of the ADs, and Jackson can feel several pairs of eyes turn to him.
The fact that she didn’t say a direct hello to him- accompanied by a hug, as per usual- has not gone unnoticed.
Kristen shifts on the couch where she’s sitting and looks questioningly from Nikki to Rob, before looking back to Jackson. Nikki raises her eyebrows and Rob shrugs, looking to Kellan. Kellan, being the vocal and frank person that he is, breaks the tension. “So.... what the fuck?”
Jackson ignores this and stares at Ashley, who’s talking and smiling with the AD, holding a copy of a portion of the script, also receiving schedules and booking information.
“Jackson?” Kellan presses.
Jackson only shakes his head in response.
He’s still staring at Ashley, feeling a tormented mix of anger, frustration, indignation, and worried anxiety tightening his chest and tossing his stomach mercilessly. Though he’s worried that Ashley doesn’t return his feelings- or worse, that this will ruin their friendship- Jackson can’t help but feel a little angry. He can respect her need for space and time, but he doesn’t know how long he’ll tolerate being flat-out ignored and pushed aside. Feeling a wave of determination that leaves him somewhat confident, he makes a resolution to get Ashley to say something to him before either of them leaves the hotel.
“Did something happen?” Nikki asks quietly. “When she left the other night and you followed her?”
Kellan looks like he’s just won the lottery.
Jackson gives him a warning look, because he knows he’s going to open his mouth and say something stupid and brutally honest.
Of course, Kellan ignores his look and excitedly whispers, “No effing way! Did you guys leave together or something?”
Everyone turns and looks at him, and he contemplates punching someone in the face.
“Lutz, shut up.”
“No, really-” but he cuts himself off as Ashley walks over and sits down on the couch beside Kellan, diagonally across from Jackson.
Everyone falls silent- the way people do when they’ve just been talking about you- and Ashley looks around, avoiding meeting Jackson’s eyes.
“What?” she says.
Everyone rushes to say ‘Nothing,’ but she knows that it has to be something. And considering the current circumstances, she has something of an idea that whatever it is involves her and a certain Mr. Rathbone.
One of the producer’s assistants comes over, clapping to get everyone’s attention. Jackson doesn’t look away from Ashley once, and he’s vaguely aware of the man giving them a rundown of shooting timelines and different travel information, but he doesn’t listen. He’s too distracted- too wrapped up in what’s going on and what he hopes isn’t falling apart. And when Ashley senses someone looking over at her, she accidentally meets his eyes, and he doesn’t look happy or angry or anything specific. In the brief flash of their eyes meeting, she sees a turmoil that makes her feel guilty, but also, a yearning that leaves her deliciously breathless.