And Oh, The Joy, Oh, The Joy It Brings To Me
AloneDisclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Ngozi Ukazu’s Check Please!, and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece. All other situations and plot developments are mine.
Summary: "So he focuses on what he can control, and eats pie and jam and cookies, and works on being happy with what he does have. Because while he's alone and he's learned how to be alone, he has friends and fans and freedom here, and that's enough. Life's not perfect, but it's good. He can work with that."
Author’s Note: So I may or may not be completely obsessed with this comic right now…we'll just leave it at that. Also, there's not nearly enough Tater/Snowy stuff out there. It should be noted that I know next to nothing about hockey, as well as being unable to speak Russian or Ukrainian (everything used here came either from the internet, my Russian/English Dictionary, or Curse & Berate in 69+ Languages). Possible out-of-characterness and un-beta’d.
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published: 22 November 2018
Rating: T
Alexei had told Jack's little baker that one of the main reasons he immigrated for hockey was to escape his famous parents' shadows. That was a big reason, but it wasn't the main one. The United States of America offers him a freedom his homeland never could. And while he plays a sport that definitely doesn't approve of falling in love with another man, at least it isn't illegal.
It's okay; he's used to being alone. He's just grateful for the opportunity.
When Jack announces his love for his baker, Alexei is surprised. He's shocked that Zimmboni has the courage for this, and a little annoyed that he didn't figure it out himself. Also, all those times that Zimmboni weaselled out of dinner? Alexei could have been eating pie. Really, really, really good pie, and Jack has deprived him of all that food!
Still, it's sweet how deep Jack is in and Alexei finds himself getting more protective of his new captain. Jack is brave in ways that Alexei isn't, and he wants to honour that. So he works extra hard to try and send Jack home in one piece. It's his way of paying homage.
And if there's reward pie and jam in the mix, well, he's not going to complain.
Sometimes, in Alexei's weaker moments, he thinks about being that strong, being brave enough to openly love in the face of everything around him. But then he remembers his incurable and ill-advised infatuation and how he can never have him, and how that wouldn't be fair to whomever he was trying to date; he won't be the guy who goes out with other people who also want to find love when someone else has his heart. He can't be that cruel.
So he focuses on what he can control, and eats pie and jam and cookies, and works on being happy with what he does have. Because while he's alone and he's learned how to be alone, he has friends and fans and freedom here, and that's enough. Life's not perfect, but it's good. He can work with that.
"Earth to Tater!"
Alexei looks up and Snowy-handsome, often foul-mouthed, surprisingly sensitive Snowy-looks down at him, eyebrow cocked.
Alexei beams at his goalie, and tries not to light up like a spotlight. "Hello! Hi, Snowy. I am sorry-I am wandering thoughts in my head."
"Yeah, I noticed." Snowy jerks his thumb towards the nook. "Jack just told me that his boy send along another pie, eh? I thought you'd like to know before Guy or Marty figure it out, or Nate gets his hands on it."
Alexei immediately drops his stick and the tape, and starts towards the nook. Little Bitty's pies are the best think Alexei's life that he's allowed to have, so he can't miss out. "Thank you! Come! Pie!"
He catches the edges of Snowy's mouths softly curving as he hurries by; it's not a smile, but it is close and all the sweeter for it.
They time it almost perfectly-there are two slices left and Alexei angles his body so the pie tin is hidden until he and Snowy both have their pieces. To make things even better, it is blueberry pie and Little Bitty has made whipped cream to top it.
He sits down next to Snowy and asks "How is Sonya?"
Snowy glances over at him, face unreadable. "Sofia's fine," he says and Alexei can't get over how formal Snowy always is; he never calls her Sof, Sonya, Vivi, Soniya, or any other diminutive. He always uses her name, which is so strange to Alexei (one of his favourite things about hockey is it lets him indulge his Russian identity and use nicknames and diminutives for everyone and everything). He supposes to each his own, but it still feels weird.
"How is her prayer shawl?"
The goalie's beautiful brow furrows for a moment, and then smooths out. "Done, I think. I haven't seen her knitting anything that size recently."
Alexei shakes his head. "Snowy, you must be interesting in Sonya's fun. If you do not show it, she will think you are not caring." As much as he hates giving relationship advice, Sofia is blonde and pretty and fun, and Snowy would be hard-pressed to find someone as easy-going and understanding as she is. If Alexei liked women, he would joke about stealing her away because she really is great.
Besides, offering advice of this sort is something Alexei has overheard other guys doing, and it helps him from wearing his heart out on his sleeve.
Snowy slowly scraps the last bit of pie off of his plate. "Yeah, I know."
Something in his voice is slightly off, so Alexei pats his arm. "You just must remember that, but since you are good boyfriend, is not hard for you."
Another sideways look, but this one is accompanied by another soft curl of lips. Alexei knows it’s a bad idea, but he spends a moment admiring how gorgeous his friend is.
Then-before he stares too long or does something inadvisable-he stands up and clasps Snowy's shoulder. "You tell Sonya I score her goal in next game, okay?"
"What about me?"
Alexei doesn't freeze, but it's a near thing. Slowly, his head turns and he looks back over at Snowy. "What?"
"What about me? Will you score a goal in the next game for me as well?" Snowy's very blue eyes are intense and Alexei thinks there's not enough oxygen in the room.
"For you, I score two," Alexei's mouth said with no input from his brain.
Slowly, Snowy smiles. It is a real smile-warm, private, and perfect. "Three goals in one game? That's a lot, don't you think?"
Alexei considers it. "Game series,” he decides. "I do it our next game series.”
"Three goals in a Stanley Cup game series.” Snowy's pretty mouth is still curved upwards. "Ambitious. I like that." He stands up. "I'm going to hold you to that. Catch you at practice later, eh?”
Alexei nearly floats back to his stick. Jack’s baker has sent blueberry pie and Alexei got to eat some with Snowy. There’s not much that could improve the situation, but only realistic way to makes things almost perfect would be winning the Cup.
So he returns to taping his stick; he has to pull off the last row because the tape has gotten tangled when he dropped it earlier, but he doesn’t mind. It’s calming.
There is the added bonus by sitting here, he’s able to hear Poots’s anguished yell of ‘there was PIE and nobody told me?!’, which is quickly followed by a furious bellow of Jack’s name from Nate.
All in all, things are good and Alexei hopes they stay that way.
xXxXxXxXxXx The first game of the series is a mess. Guy gets into a fight, half the team ends up in the penalty box for a good portion of the game, and the Schooners are scoring like there’s no tomorrow.
The second game is less of a mess, but Snowy misses an important shot and they lose. The only good thing to come out of the game is that Alexei gets an assist on the single goal they made.
“You tell Sonya, that one was for her, okay?” Alexei tells a despondent Snowy in the locker room after the game. “I work on yours next, да?”
Snowy clearly tries to muster up a smile. "Okay." He gestures tiredly. "I'm just…I need a shower."
Alexei nods and wishes there was more he could do. He knows that his goalie is angry with himself, but there isn't anything he could say to make Snowy feel better. If he was Little Bitty, he would have cookies or a pie to help ease the sting, but nothing Alexei could make would even be comparable to Little Bitty's.
He's still stewing on the point when Snowy's mobile goes off. Normally, he would leave it alone, but he can see Sofia's name flashing across the screen (no heart, no special ringtone, nothing-Alexei might have to give his goalie a talk about romance), so he doesn’t think twice. He answers it. "Hello! Hi, Sonya! Did you see assist I got for you?"
"Oh, hello Tater," she replies, sounding a bit surprised but not in a bad way. "I did see that! That was for me?"
"Yes, of course! Did not Snowy tell you? I promise you goal." From the corner of his eye, he sees Marty wave at someone as he leaves. A moment later, Snowy comes in, still damp from his shower. He looks a little confused when the Russian gives him a stern look.
"No, he neglected to tell me that. If I had known, I would have recorded it. Then I could show all my friends." Sofia laughs brightly. "But while I love that you've gotten an assist for me, what about Mykhail? Don't you think your teammate deserves it more than I do?"
"Have no worries, I have him cared for," Alexei reassures her, winking at Snowy. "I make next goal for him."
Snowy rolls his lovely icy eyes and holds out his hand. "Tater, stop talking and give me my phone."
Alexei tilts the phone away from his mouth but he doesn't cover the receiver so Sofia can hear him. "Why you do not tell Sonya about her goal? So not nice, Snowy! So not nice!"
"Oh, for the…shut the fuck up, Tater," Snowy snaps, but his eyes are brighter than they were when he went into the shower. "Give me my phone."
Alexei dances out of the way, enjoying Sofia's laughter in his ear and how his goalie is looking at him. "You hear him? So not nice to me and I will be getting goal for him!"
"You promised me two, asshole, and you haven't fuckin' delivered on either. Give!"
Alexei makes his teammate chase him for a little longer because it seems to make his goalie happier, but he lets himself be captured. He doesn't give up the phone immediately, using his height to his advantage and holding it above his head. "Sonya! Tell him this is not how he treats me!" He yells over her increasing laughter and Snowy's swearing.
He does cede after a few minutes, and he goes to the showers so they can have some privacy. If anyone can make Snowy feel better about the night, it will be his girlfriend. She’s sweet and caring and she won’t let him obsess over ‘would’ves, could’ves, should’ves’.
Alexei comes out when he thinks the appropriate amount of time has passed. He doesn’t want to leave the shower too soon and cut Snowy’s time short, but he also doesn’t want to look like he’s hiding. It seems that he’s timed it nearly perfectly and Snowy is saying “okay, eh? Are you positive? Yeah, sure. Yeah, later. Добраніч. Бувай.”
A warm shiver slides down Alexei’s back because he loves hearing Snowy speaking Ukrainian. It’s so close to his own native Russian, but it’s different enough to be almost exotic. Sometimes, when he’s feeling more alone than usual, he imagines what it would be like to have Snowy murmur Ukrainian endearments in to his ears.
He pushes the thought away before it becomes more; he doesn’t need to embarrass himself now.
He tosses his comb and things into his locker before he flops down on the bench. He tilts his head in Snowy’s direction. “I cannot believe that you do not tell Sonya!”
“Oh, fuck off, Tater. Not everything is about you.” Since the goalie smiles as he says this, eyes bright, Alexei knows he can chirp a little more.
“Ah, but all important things are.”
This startles a bark of laughter out of Snowy. “Self-centred bastard.” He reaches over and ruffles Alexei’s dark hair.
Oh, that feels nice. Before he can think too much about it, Alexei leans into the touch, going a touch boneless.
Snowy’s hand freezes for a moment, but then he cards his fingers through a few more times and Alexei lets his eyes slip shut.
“I take that back,” the goalie murmurs a little later. “You’re not a self-centred bastard-you’re a cat.”
“Cats are smart,” Alexei replies, well on his way to being more relaxed than he has any rights being after losing two games in a Stanley Cup series. “Gets fed, gets love, gets what they want-good life."
"Arrogant, bossy, smug-yeah, you're definitely a cat."
"You forget 'cute'. Cats are cute and I am very cute."
"Are we interrupting?"
Alexei cracks open one eye. Thirdy's eyebrows are high, but he might be a bit amused. Jack just looks a little confused.
"Snowy says I am cat," Alexei informs them lazily, probably glowing from all the attention from the honey-brown haired man. "Мяу-мяу."
Thirdy snorts. "Man, cats say 'meow', not 'myau'!" He's definitely amused as he goes over to his locker.
"Nah, Tater's right," Snowy says. "What kind of fuckin' cats says 'meow'? They clearly say Мяу-мяу."
"Slavic languages," the dark skinned man mutters. "You're wrong, man. Cats totally say 'meow'."
"I was always taught that they say 'miaou'," Jack says unexpectedly, his accent rolling the sound more into a 'mooeeee' than a non-Québécois's would have. "So I'm inclined to say you all are wrong."
The conversation devolves from that point, but they probably all need something ridiculous right now, just to let go of the game. Throughout the whole thing, Snowy keeps running his fingers through Alexei's damp hair, occasionally even gently dragging his fingernails against his scalp, which causes Alexei to lose the trail of the conversation whenever it happens.
It's the happiest Alexei's been in a long time and he knows that he'll keep this moment close to his heart, just to have when he needs it.
Right now, he's simply going to enjoy Snowy's fingers in his hair for as long as he can.
xXxXxXxXxXx Alexei works hard to keep his whoops inside while Jack and the others are being interviewed, but it's hard. They won! Not only did they win, they flattened the Schooners! They are still in the running for the Cup!
And Alexei got a goal! Not an assist, but an actual goal!
Guy and Poots start spilling champagne all over everyone and everything the moment the reporters are out of the way as they try to pour it into whatever cups are available. Alexei can't seem to stop laughing as he hooks his arms around Jack and Snowy and jumps around with the rest of the team.
Later, when he and Snowy are stumbling back to their hotel rooms, drunker than is probably advisable, he says "see? I tell you I get you goal."
Snowy snorts out a laugh and presses his nose into the Russian's shoulder. "Damn straight you got that goal. Prettiest fuckin' goal in the game."
"Just for my goalie, да?”
Snowy looks up and there's a softness in his face that Alexei's never seen and it makes his breath catch slightly in his throat. He leans forwards, tilting more into his goalie's space before he manages to stop himself.
But then his forehead is pressed against Snowy's and it takes everything he has not fall right against Snowy's pretty mouth. He isn't strong enough to pull away, but at least he can exercise the little bit of self-restraint that he has to not ruin everything by kissing Snowy.
Somehow, he makes sure that Snowy makes it back to his room safely and he gets to his own room with no major mishaps. As he unsteadily downs a sports drink, he allows himself to have a lovely dream, one where he and Snowy don't part ways and just curl up around each other before going to sleep.
Then he pushes the dream away because there's no need to torture himself. They won. The team still has a chance at the Cup. Snowy is his friend. These are the good things in his life and he needs to hold on to them.
He clumsily climbs into the bed and grabs the extra pillow so he can wrap himself around it. He tells himself it makes it easier to sleep and not that he's using it as a substitute for what he can never have.
xXxXxXxXxXx The game is going well. Snowy's blocked some pretty spectacular shots and they're currently in the lead by a thread. Alexei has the puck and he's moving down the ice pretty fast. Things are clear in the way they are when everything lines up. He has the perfect shot-
One of the Schooners d-men slams into him and he hits the ground hard. It's not so bad, just a missed opportunity-
Something comes down hard on the back of his knee and Alexei nearly screams. For the first time ever, he is paralyzed with pain and all he can do is feel how bad it hurts.
But that's not the most horrible thing. The most horrible thing is that he can't get up. He tries to get to his feet and his leg won't work. He would take the pain any day because it means that his legs work and he still could play.
They get him off the ice-somehow-and he is rushed to the first to the trainer's room and then to the hospital.
And it's awful-tests and doctors poking and prodding him and he doesn't know how the team is doing.
One of the nurses-a hockey fan (one who likes the Aces-there is simply no accounting for taste) finally takes pity on him and gives him highlights of the game in between doctors, even going so far as to stream a few of the plays on her phone so Alexei can watch them.
The Falcons win, and it's a bittersweet victory for Alexei. He's happy they won-ecstatic, even-but if they get the Cup, it's going to be without him. He doesn't know how bad his knee is yet, but he does know he won't be playing any of the final games.
He pushes away the small voice that says that depending on the injury, he might not ever play again. Because he doesn't have anything outside of hockey right now. It's all he knows. He doesn't have a university education and his grades growing up were mediocre enough that he doesn't know a single university in the world that would take him. If his knee is gone, he can't do any physical labour, which shuts out almost all the remaining jobs open to him. He has a little bit of money put aside because his needs are simple and few, but he knows how fast money can vanish; once it is gone, what will he do? Where will he go? He won't go back to Russia, not to live out a lie, but the cost of living in the Unites States of America is higher than it is in Russia. He doesn't know what he'll do.
The fear claws at the back of his throat when the doctors finally come in with his results. He nearly cries with relief when the doctor says that he'll be able to play next season, if he rests, takes care of his leg, and follows the doctors' orders.
Alexei can do that. If it means he can keep playing, he can do that.
They get a brace for him and they have a little troubles fitting it to him (Hockey Nurse makes a joke about 'hockey thighs' as she pulls off the second brace and goes to look for a third). He listens as intently as he can to the care instructions and medicine instructions and follow-up instructions, but he's tired and the current pain meds they have him on are making him slow and dopey in a bad way.
Finally, they help him into a wheelchair and wheel him out.
The entire hallway erupts into cheers and yells the moment he gets out of the room, and Alexei realises the whole team is waiting for him. He has to swallow hard so he doesn't cry in front of them because it's so touching and sweet, and this is why he can't give up hockey or this team. This is why he's going to tell George when his new contract is negotiated at the beginning of next season that he wants a 'no-trade' clause. This is why he has to keep playing.
He shakes hands with Marty and tells Thirdy he'll break his other leg if he tries to read him some poetry as Guy comes over, looking a little less stoic than usual. He grabs at Guy's sleeve. "Guy!" He says because he is full of painkillers. "If anyone gets too close to goalie, you punch, да? I cannot, so you must for me!"
Guy nods seriously, as if he truly understands. "I will," he promises. He pats Alexei's shoulder. "Get better, little potato. We're going to need you next season when we win the Cup again." Alexei finds Guy's conviction that they'll win this year as well as next year to be nice. Maybe a bit unrealistic, but nice.
Alexei then sees that Snowy is standing right next to Guy and his cheeks are a little pink over his shaggy beard. "Hey, Tater," he says, looking a bit awkward. "Get better soon, eh?"
"Snowy, I did not get second goal for you," Alexei says sadly. "I am-"
"No." Snowy interrupts him sharply. "It's…it's not fuckin' important, okay? You need to focus on getter better and not about some stupid goal." He crosses his arms tightly over his strong chest and glares at Alexei. "Get better."
"Okay," he agrees and almost adds 'for you, I do so', but even his drug- and pain-addled brain realises that this is probably not a good idea.
Poots and Frankie nearly push the others aside as they come up to Alexei, and he loses track of his goalie in the throngs of hockey plays who come up to wish him well.
Zimmboni is standing at the end of the hallway, and he takes over pushing Alexei down from the nurse. "Bitty was very concerned about you," he says. "And…you have stairs to get to your apartment, right? I've got an elevator in my building and a spare room, if…you'd like. Bitty and I would be happy if you stayed with us, just until you can get back on your feet."
Before Alexei can protest that he would never impose on Jack in such away, Jack pulls out the big guns. "Before you say 'no', I should warn you that Bits is not above baking bribery pies to get his way." The smile in his captain's voice is apparent.
"B is not only one who will bribe," Alexei points out, because it's no secret how much he loves the baked goods that come out of Jack's kitchen and to wave nearly unlimited access to them in front of Alexei is just plain cheating. He hears Zimmboni chuckle slightly behind him. "But how can I say no to B? I could never. I will stay."
"Good. Bitty will be pleased to hear that. He's been trying a few new recipes, so I'm sure he'll appreciate having a second person to try them out on, eh?"
Alexei lays on the hotel bed later and decides he's too tired to call his parents right now. He does text them, giving them the bare bones of his injury, and promises to call them once he's woken up. He then deliberately turns off his phone and shuts his eyes. He breathes deeply for a minute, and then counts his blessings that he will be able to still play hockey. Maybe while he's laid up, he can figure out a back-up plan because today has definitely highlighted a need for one, but at least now, he has some time.
He falls asleep, with that thought swimming in front of him.
xXxXxXxXxXx The next game is a bit of a blur for Alexei. There are a few highlights-Jack punches the d-man who took out his leg, Guy punches a guy who gets too close to Snowy, Snowy makes an amazing save during a shoot-out-but they still lose.
Disliking how fuzzy the pain meds have made him, he starts taking only half of the dosage and ignoring the pain. He'd stop taking them entirely, but Little Bitty is constantly plying him with treats so he doesn't take his pills on an empty stomach and Alexei is fairly certain that he's being monitored. So he compromises and makes sure that when he does take his pills, he does so that either Jack or Little Bitty or Jack's other friends see him.
When Jack goes to pick up some things from Alexei's apartment, he comes back with Snowy in tow.
"Your building as a lot of fuckin' stairs," Snowy says as he carefully puts down one of the bags. "I'm glad that you're not trying to climb them every day." He pauses, and then says "if you need to get away from the love birds"-he jerks his thumb in the direction of Jack and Little Bitty (who are being adorable and kissing each other 'hello')-"you can stay at my place. It's not a big as this, but I've got an elevator and access to just about every damn television show known to man, eh?"
"Thank you." Alexei beams up his goalie and does not immediately dive into a fantasy where he and Snowy come home from hockey practice, kiss like Jack and Little Bitty just did, and then spend the rest of the evening curled around each other as they argue about what to watch next. At least, he doesn’t dive too deeply.
Just to be safe, he turns the conversation to safer topics, like Sofia and what she and Snowy are going to do in the off-season.
Snowy, strangely, keeps resisting that discussion, so they finally end up talking about the latest Marvel movie (Alexei has very strong feelings about the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but some of those opinions he'd rather not be espousing to the handsomest man he knows).
When Snowy finally leaves, he touches the Russian's shoulder gently, the edge of his thumb brushing the line between Alexei's Falcons' training shirt and skin softly. It sets his whole body aflame with awareness and it takes everything he has not to do something that will scare Snowy off.
It's such a stupid, small thing, but Alexei touches the spot later that night, when he's alone in the guest room and dreams.
xXxXxXxXxXx They win the Cup.
They WIN the Cup.
THEY WIN THE STANLEY CUP!
They win, and Snowy smiles at Alexei before hugging him over the boards.
It is the happiest moment of Alexei's life.
xXxXxXxXxXx Snowy doesn't exactly fall into step with Alexei as he leaves the press conference because that's too hard to do when one of the people is on crutches, but he does stroll causally next to the Russian. "That was nice, what you did for Jack in there," he says. "And I know the rest of the team appreciated it as well."
"I do nothing. I tell truth." Alexei protests. "Hockey is hockey. We work hard and we work together, and we win."
Snowy shakes his head. "Tater, you can pretend you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, but everyone on the team knows what you did. You protected your team like you always fuckin' do, and you made sure everyone knows that they have to go through you to get at any of us."
The taller man blinks at him.
Pretty icy blue eyes roll. "You think we don't notice how many fuckin' pucks you've taken for Marty or how you'll punch anyone who gets too close to the goalie? Or how you always make sure that Thirdy always has a notebook and pencil so he can write his fuckin' crappy poetry? Or how you make sure that Poots doesn't strain his knees at practice or how you give Guy credit for just about every pass you make to him, even if there's no press there and everyone knows that Guy can't pass worth shit, or how you take care of Jack?" His mouth quirks up at the corner. "Or how you go after fuckin' Kent Parson like you have a one-man vendetta against him any time he's on the ice? Because everyone knows that the only connection you have with that guy is Jack and the fact that he rammed me during that game."
Alexei opens his mouth, shuts it, and then says "B ask me to throw him across ice. Did not say how many times. I do not want him to think I not take him seriously."
Snowy's smile widens. "Oh, are you throwing Jack's boy under the bus after all those pies he's made for you?"
"He make me two pies for every time I throw that stupid rat," Alexei points out. If he wants to be honest, he'd throw that worthless rat into the boards for free, but if Little Bitty wants to reward his behaviour, Alexei isn't going to be the one to tell him 'no'. "I do not throw B under any bus."
"It's an expression," the goalie says. "But you're just proving my point. The team-and probably the whole world-knows you've got us covered. People like Jack and Marty might be the strong foundations the teams rests on, but you're the glue that holds us all together."
Alexei doesn't have a good response for this. He takes a few more steps before he finally says "I do nothing you all do not do for me."
Snowy huffs out a small sound. "It's just…sometimes, you need to be reminded that we've got your back too, eh? We know you've got ours-you show us that all the damn time. You're not alone in this, okay?" He touches Alexei's shoulder.
Alexei ignores how his heart speed up at the simple gesture. "Okay."
Snowy's eyes are soft when he glances over. "Okay."
Okay, Alexei thinks, feeling warm. Okay.
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