*catches* s;dflk;sfldksd;lk THANK YOUUUUUU ;A; I keep telling you everywhere I can how happy and giddy and genki it makes me that you loved this so much, seriously, you were so awesome to write for ;A; ♥
I knew this fic was yours! XD I failed and never got around to commenting when it was posted at jerainbowbridge so I am commenting now! XD I loved this! I don't read a lot (any >_>) fic that isn't like NEWS or KAT-TUN but this intrigued me and so I gave it a shot. I loved it. *___* The whole fairy-tale-esque story was so cool and I loooooved all the details about everyone's appearances. *__* Everything with Tamamori (and Miyata) was so great, and my heart was pounding like crazy after Miyata died and when Tamamori ran out omg.
And of course Yara/Ryota!! Since I don't normally read fic about them idk how their "characters" are or anything but I really liked the way you wrote their relationship. It felt really natural and simple and I loved them together so my heart like totally broke when Yara left him a;lskdgn;asdg T__T Seriously I was like WHAT?! when I read that scene. BUT THEN HE COMES BACK AND SAVES HIM YES A;LKSNDGASG ♥♥♥ Ahhh that made me so happy like idek ;___; And Tamamori at the end and I looooved this bit:
FFF why can I never be anon XD;;; Thank you SO much for reading even though it's not your usual boys!
Yara feels like a super-complex character and I struggled quite a bit with him so I have no idea if he's all that accurate, tbh. Ryota's just bouncy and a bit dense, but Yara's all oniony and layery so I wouldn't trust my way of writing him too much XD I loved writing them though, Ryota worships him so much anyway that it was really fun :D
The King looked him straight in the eye, then nodded, once. “Do what you must,” he said softly. / Then Tamamori was alone. / And he knew what he had to do. I totally forgot that bit even existed XD But I'm really glad you liked it! I'm glad you liked all the bits you quoted, really :DD
;_; You praise too much, Riha~ but thank you anyway ._.
THANK YOU ;A; ♥ Your comment is so long and lovely and in-depth and alsslkd even though you didn't really know them you still finished it anyway and. I. Thank you ;_; ♥
Hi! I read this awhile ago and always meant to come leave a comment, but somehow never got around to it. x_x But since you also posted the link to this up at concritcritters, I decided it was high time I left you a comment!
I'll actually start out with concrit (so much easier to put into words than generally feelings of mushy awe):
1. There were a few places with some rather large typos and just... general typing errors that are easy to avoid. Here's one: Yokoo’s face turned white, and he bolted down the passage towards . “Tama!” and I remember seeing one that involved Yara but can't find it just skimming through again. Anyway, not a big deal, blah blah, just... they exist. XD
Oh and here: [...] All we can do is make it a little bit easier for him.” confident “Give him some time, and he’ll be right as rain,” Yara added [...]2. The world building was a teensy bit confusing -- especially when you first started describing Tamamori's childhood. Because you didn't give a name to the ...creatures or whatever, it took a bit of brainpower
( ... )
Thank you so much for everything! I think those typos snuck their way in during the editing-for-posting, to be honest, because my beta and I read this whole thing through too many times to miss something that huge (I hope >_>). But thank you for pointing them out, I'll go and fix them now!
I totally understand what you mean about YaraRyo vs. TamaMiya; I struggled a lot with trying to get their 'relationship' to balance with the amount of stuff Yara has to tell him (which I tried to spread out by having other people explain certain things, but I guess I didn't manage that as well as I'd hoped XD). And I think because I see them as having such a natural, easy relationship irl, that spilled into the fic quite a bit, without a whole lot of explanation as to why. I know that's a big flaw of mine; I tend to assume too much, and assume people will see things the same way I do, when that's very rarely the case >_< aaaand because I don't like people going over the top with feelings in fic, I tend to tone it down a little too much in my own
( ... )
Ack! XD I was a bit afraid my comment would sound like I was more confused about things than I really was, and judging by your response I think it might have? XD Personally I'm of the type who doesn't think it's necessary to have everything explained when reading or writing, so I don't even think it's a "problem"... I guess, mostly, I brought it up because I did have to step back and think about it for a moment when I read, which brought me out of the story a little bit. And since the rest of it was crafted so well, those moments that I had to pause and think things through stood out more in my mind than it would have with a less well-written piece
( ... )
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ALL. OF. MY. LOVE. ;o; *flings feelings at*. Viiiiix, why is it to perfeccccccccccct. Omg. ♥
alsjfalskdfalsfkd I have no words that I haven't already said, but omg, so much love. ;~~~~~;
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
*re-reads over and over and over and over and over again*
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And of course Yara/Ryota!! Since I don't normally read fic about them idk how their "characters" are or anything but I really liked the way you wrote their relationship. It felt really natural and simple and I loved them together so my heart like totally broke when Yara left him a;lskdgn;asdg T__T Seriously I was like WHAT?! when I read that scene. BUT THEN HE COMES BACK AND SAVES HIM YES A;LKSNDGASG ♥♥♥ Ahhh that made me so happy like idek ;___; And Tamamori at the end and I looooved this bit:
The King looked him straight ( ... )
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Yara feels like a super-complex character and I struggled quite a bit with him so I have no idea if he's all that accurate, tbh. Ryota's just bouncy and a bit dense, but Yara's all oniony and layery so I wouldn't trust my way of writing him too much XD I loved writing them though, Ryota worships him so much anyway that it was really fun :D
The King looked him straight in the eye, then nodded, once. “Do what you must,” he said softly. / Then Tamamori was alone. / And he knew what he had to do.
I totally forgot that bit even existed XD But I'm really glad you liked it! I'm glad you liked all the bits you quoted, really :DD
;_; You praise too much, Riha~ but thank you anyway ._.
THANK YOU ;A; ♥ Your comment is so long and lovely and in-depth and alsslkd even though you didn't really know them you still finished it anyway and. I. Thank you ;_; ♥
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SERIOUSLY THIS IS AMAZING
chilling and ;~~~~~~~; but still made me smile because Yara is just so perfect
andand
WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD WITH WORDS <3333
The idea is just amazing and the way you described everything; in enough depth but without rambling
HOW DO YOU DO IT
<333333333333
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:D
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I'll actually start out with concrit (so much easier to put into words than generally feelings of mushy awe):
1. There were a few places with some rather large typos and just... general typing errors that are easy to avoid. Here's one: Yokoo’s face turned white, and he bolted down the passage towards . “Tama!” and I remember seeing one that involved Yara but can't find it just skimming through again. Anyway, not a big deal, blah blah, just... they exist. XD
Oh and here: [...] All we can do is make it a little bit easier for him.”
confident
“Give him some time, and he’ll be right as rain,” Yara added [...]2. The world building was a teensy bit confusing -- especially when you first started describing Tamamori's childhood. Because you didn't give a name to the ...creatures or whatever, it took a bit of brainpower ( ... )
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I totally understand what you mean about YaraRyo vs. TamaMiya; I struggled a lot with trying to get their 'relationship' to balance with the amount of stuff Yara has to tell him (which I tried to spread out by having other people explain certain things, but I guess I didn't manage that as well as I'd hoped XD). And I think because I see them as having such a natural, easy relationship irl, that spilled into the fic quite a bit, without a whole lot of explanation as to why. I know that's a big flaw of mine; I tend to assume too much, and assume people will see things the same way I do, when that's very rarely the case >_< aaaand because I don't like people going over the top with feelings in fic, I tend to tone it down a little too much in my own ( ... )
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