The Horrible Thai Anchovy Snack Experiment, or, My Tribute to Benchilada
We were exploring our new neighborhood yesterday and came across a huge Asian market, filled with fascinating and fear inducing snack foods. Declan bought some wasabi peas, but of course I had to seek out something a little more unusual. I left the shop bearing shrimp chips (that tasted like styrofoam, not shrimp, but I'm determined to sample the brands til I find the shrimpy ones), several tomatoes and a couple cans of beans, Sweet Squid snacks and Spicy Sesame Anchovy snacks. I'll have you know I actually like the shredded, dried squid that comes in big bags, soaked in sugar and msg. It's actually strangely good. So I had hope for my purchases, foolish, foolish hope.
Inspired by benchilada's gastronomical spelunking in his So You Don't Have To series, I decided to share this experience with the internet, rather than just forcing these things on my friends if I can ever lure them up to The Bronx in the first place.
I made the mistake of opening the squid to sample it on the way home and getting Dec to try some too. It left us both shoving handfuls of wasabi peas into our mouths, and then gasping and wiping running noses and eyes from the wasabi. After that he would have no part in the anchovies, but he did agree to be my photographer.
I am prepared, if a little fearful, the memory of the sweet squid snacks haunts me. But I'm ready this time, I have beer to wash away the potential nast!
The package reads: Tasty, crunchy and crispy spicy anchovies with a delicious exotic taste. Crispy dilis and beer make a perfect snack at parties and get together social occasions. Those who are not accustomed to the zesty flavor might find initial taste spicy hot! Enjoy the zesty dilis and have some more
Lacking a Big Fucking Knife, I rend the package with my teefs.
Mistake! Oh the stench!
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The culprit, a rather tiny and innocuous filet of anchovy, lacquered in sugar and crusted with sesame seeds.
First contact tween anchovy and mouth, all I taste is sweet...
I bite it in half and begin to chew...
The sugary barrier is dissolving and the fishy taste is seeping through...
Invading my mouth like a zombie army, bringing the taste of rot to the farthest reaches of my tongue...
Ugh, okay, this must be as bad as it gets, right?
ARGH! It gets worse!
Plan B, for beer! Stat!
Ahhhhhhh...
Wait... Somethings gone terribly wrong here... Fishy taste overpowering beer....
Blargh! Anchovy defeats beer! The true loser in that battle? Me!
And now Declan, my lovely assistant and photographer insists I finish the second piece of anchovy, but doesn't actually photograph it. Lame. The results are, oh dear god, more beer, more beer!
I look like the anchovy snacks beat up my mother and touched me inappropriately! And they did. In my soul. In the future I think I will leave this sort of thing to the professionals.
My lovely assistant flees after I stick my anchovy flavored tongue in his mouth.
There you have it. Hours (and the rest of a beer and one teeth brushing) later I was still haunted by my experience, but as of now morning breath seems to have obliterated the last of the rancid fishies. Benchilada, I salute your intestinal fortitude, and if you'd like to email me your mailing address, I would like to send you a package of Sweet Squid snacks to enjoy and share with the internets, so I don't have to.